WickedMaggie

Journal Entry | 9 Comments · 15 Love It | 10 months ago

"Slave" (picture air quotes here) Really? Terms Contrasted 
Educational Blog Entry - 3/2/2014 7:42:30 PM (journal on another site)

First of all D/s isn't about an egalitarian relationship, and certainly O/p is the antithesis of equality, however that doesn't imply it like- Superior/inferior; it simply connotes a type of relationship where there ISN'T equal power i.e., power-exchange dynamic - where one party,  the submissive and/or slave is in service to the other party, and doesn't drive the dynamic or have equal standing/say that the Dominant does. The Dominant is also responsible for said dependent but not accountable to unless so negotiated in the initial D/s relationship agreement; not so in consensual non-sensual D/s dynamics like O/p and/or M/s by the very definition of what a slave and/or property is, even in kink. But that isn't what this writing is about. The D/s relationship is often aptly compared to a Teacher/student, Employer/employee, Management/subordinate, and even Parent/child, for good reason.

Terms:

•SUBMISSIVE - one who assumes a role of submission in power exchange relationship. A submissive is a person who willingly seeks this position and intentionally occupies a role of consensual powerlessness, allowing another person to take control over them. They're motivated and driven by an innate (inborn), inherent (essential), or intrinsic (immanent -coming from within) need to please others which is fed by being of service i.e. serving a Dominant.

•SLAVE or slavery - is a step further into submission, i.e. often in the context of an M/s consensual non-consent relationship involving 24/7 TPE (total power-exchange) i.e. complete relinquishment by a submissive to a Dominant for control and use without safewords or limits. That being said, everyone has limits, or should, but you take my point on the differentiation.

•BOTTOM, or bottom fetishist are just that - fetishist/kinksters who enjoy the act of bottoming for a fetish or playing the role of a sub/slave during a scene for what's in it for them.

I've been contacted, often here, by types who claim to be slaves, even label themselves as such yet say things like this right on their profiles, 'straight male slave who only want – blah, blah, blah (long list all about them)’ then go on to list limits – ‘pain, humiliation, forced-bi (more blah blah blah) waiting for a Domme strong enough who's up for the challenge of earning my attention'. Let me get this out of the way first, WTFE, LMFAO; okay now that that's done, get real, that's oxymoronic! A "slave" is property by definition to be used however, whenever at the discretion of an owner, and they like it that way; it's a step further into submission that isn't for every submissive. Also stating "straight male slave" is completely moot, as the boy might be straight in orientation, but as a slave they don't have a choice so it's incorrect to state this as you'll be whatever your owner decides you'll be. (Adding a caveat here to validate a point someone made to me directly on that sentence. The intention about “straight slave” was to imply the “slave” part was questionable not the person sexual orientation. He aptly conveyed to me, he list “straight” on his profile, not because it’s a limit, but because he doesn’t want gay Dom’s trolling him in hopes of ownership he won’t consider. Fair enough boy who pointed this out to me, however I stand by what I said in its implication, but possible didn’t clarify it enough for inference. For the record, I did state IN the person profile, not on the superficial labels, but thank you nonetheless for bringing this to my attention.)  One of my biggest pet peeves is when people falsely label themselves as such “slave” just offhandedly as if it's no big deal. It does matter and these universal lifestyle definitions that give our subculture structure are here for a reason, so regardless of the fact many label roles aren’t mutually exclusive they have their own defining characteristics for a reason; that’s how language works. And furthermore, all culture, especially subcultures’ have governing tenets. It's disingenuous for one, but more importantly insufferably insulting to real lifestyle slaves who have trained and dedicated themselves to a life of servitude. When you're actually a bottom fetishist and label yourself "submissive" that's bad enough but "slave"... come on now. In the D/s context, submission is consensual willing power-exchange not some challenge to be issued to us to see if we'll put up with having a power-struggle with the clueless looking for some rapey or bratty game.

A man I don't even know, well not really, a male Dominant wrote this and no truer words were ever spoken, "You are a slave by your choice; you are my slave by my consent. The essence of your slavery requires that you have no rights in this relationship beyond those that I choose to give you. No, this isn't fair, however the practice of slavery is not about being fair, and any other arrangement would by definition, not be slavery. I am not better than you, nor am I always right. I am simply the one in control while you are the one being controlled. The equality and balance of our consensual Master/slave relationship begins and ends in the power exchange and the gifts of submission and dominance that we have both agreed to give one another. Recognize how selective I am and how special you are to be my slave. You are among the few and fortunate ­one of those people who is able to live your dream of being a slave." When accepting slavery for yourself by labeling yourself as such, you did so with the full knowledge that your life would be inexorably changed. It's your outlook would have to change to accommodate it; not it or us for you! Labeling yourself "slave" is saying to us, servitude gives meaning to your very being when you chose to define yourself as such.

Having submissive inclinations and bottom proclivities isn't the same thing as being a lifestyle slave, not even remotely. My position on this topic is this, you don't have the right to call yourself anything other than "novice submissive in training" but only if you've done your homework and actually participated in scenes or are being mentored; the most accurate label for most neophytes interested in the bottom end of power-exchange is "bottom fetishist", until you've earned another label with practical experiences. I'm honestly trying to give some free advice here so you don't come off like an insta-cyber-sub, i.e. poser wasting veteran Dominants time who are sincerely searching for a type. After all how the hell do you even know you're submissive and enjoy it, let alone the slave type, if you've never actually completely submitted and relinquished total control to anyone? Until such time, like it or not, you're merely a bottom fetishist who needs to be more self-aware and less selfish, or at least a whole lot more honest with us and real with yourselves.

Do you bottom types reading this even know the submissive credos/ethos/mantras? They are: "Submission isn't about being used; submission is about being of use"; "Submission isn't thinking less of yourself; submission is thinking of yourself less"; and "Submission isn't about what is done to you; submission is what you can do for someone". In contrast, the slave ones are always things like 'i'm but an instrument who lives for only the will of my Owner's desires'. All submissive's are (well should be) courteous, respectful individuals with an intense desire to serve deriving personal gratification by pleasing others; but subs do so under certain conditions and limits that are often negotiated in the beginning, however still follow protocols under control and purview and power of the Dominant. The slave gives up all rights to make their own decisions when becoming "property" of an owner; they have no self-determination and merely earn privileges when they consent to be in a consensual-non-content M/s relationship.

We all know healthy D/s, even the M/s ones are symbiotic. In the lifestyle when we use the term of "symbiotic" in regards to D/s relationships, the implication is it's mutualism at best or at least commensalism, not parasitic. So sure, it's your prerogative to be whatever you wish, however it's not you're right to lie or pretend i.e. be fake; feigning ignorance for mislabeling yourself isn't an excusable rationale for inappropriateness either. So seriously... y'all need to learn be a little more thoughtful about your labels and whole lot less surprised when you define yourself in a certain way and we actually expect you to be what you claim to be.

As it pertains to me especially: D/s Female Lead Relationships! (F/m or F/f): If you say to me "I need" the next words better be "to please". If you're the type who wants to be "submissive" on your terms, that's your prerogative but I have less than no interest your type as my sub/slave/cuck/toy/pet; that includes most switches. Don't confuse being a bottom fetishist with a true submissive either, it annoys me. Within the context of a D/s lifestyle power-exchange roles and relationships, submission is - a state of mind or being, with an attentive heart to be pleasing and of good service, i.e. an innate, inherent, or intrinsic drive to serve; bottoms or bottom fetishist are just that - enjoy the act of bottoming for a fetish or playing the role of a sub/slave during a scene for what's in it for them. As distinctive as "sub" is, in contrast to "slave" or slavery - which is a step further into submission, of the M/s consensual-non-consent 24/7 TPE variety. We were all noobs once, however it's BDSM 101 to know basic terminology and core lifestyle ideology; so yes, I find it tedious when people don't from willful ignorance, or worse try to rewrite the subcultural rules to fit their self-serving desires. Being whatever is fine but not knowing the differences, or lying about, especially to me and yourself, isn't! So lastly, but most important, D/s is about alacritous power-exchange NOT power-struggles issued as challenges by the endlessly clueless. In closing, it's this simple... either you will, willingly give me your complete submission or not. I have no interest in bottom fetishist or the 'I'm a bad-boy... are you strong enough to make me comply' games; only true submissives.