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Geeky kinkster just moved to Manchester
It was a long road for me to reach the point I'm at today, with many twists and turns and a considerable number of potholes along the way, this has lead me to be remarkably open minded, nigh on unshockable, and in posession of a wicked, and occasionally warped/dark sense of humour
I approach a lot of people in order to spark conversation, I don't care how hot your picture is, or how vague your profile is, I'm sure that you, yes YOU, have something interesting or enlightening to share with others, and I enjoy conversations, so please don't assume that if I'm messaging you I must be trying to get into your pants, conversation is a sadly underrated pastime.
My main enjoyment comes from domination rather than bondage, although I find it interesting how they interact together so learn what I can about ties etc, and whilst I have been described as a sadist, I gain my pleasure from hurting masochists, not everybody, if they're not enjoying recieving it I find it tedious and boring.
I'm engaged and in an open/poly relationship, this makes me fairly "niche" but no less genuine in my hunt. |
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It's Halloween, Sahmain to some thats new year, so I've just been taking a moment to think over my past year and the various things that have unfolded, and rather have them hold me back, have them spur me forward.
I've learned quite a lot about myself over the past year, not all of it good, but I guess the decider on that is what you do with the knowledge. The onus is on me to make the most of it.
So here's to walking forward, rather than looking back! |
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It's funny how even things you expect, that you know are coming, can turn life upside down. It feels like my world is spinning and I'm frantically holding on to the railings to stay aboard.
She's taken my chain/collar off, which given she called an end to things is entirely reasonable, but coming back to the house to see that for the first time rammed everything home with a steel girder, helped by the fact we couldn't really talk, but then... what is there to say?
It's just a case of finding my even keel now, when she gives me back the chain it's the end of a chapter, it can't be rescued, it can't be resurrected, but I can remember the good parts.
It's a shame when anything good ends, when it's fantastic, it's even worse. Hopefully we'll manage to maintain a friendship, we'll see. |
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I forgot just how disgustingly addictive Hexxagon is on here. I'm looking for other silly online games I can play to distract myself from stuff at the moment, any suggestions?
My other current favourite is Scarab Solitaire, but it's not quite as addictive as Hexxagon. |
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I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours
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I've not been on here properly for quite some time, using it only to feed my hexagon addiction in the games section and to keep in contact with a couple of people over mail, in the runup to xmas I spent a little time on here attempting to help find a subby for a close friend of mine, and to have a bit of a chat and a banter with people.
Unfortunately, my presence on here caused a rift and loss of trust between myself and my deeply treasured submissive, which has ultimately lead to us parting ways.
Now I find myself wondering, in a very practical way, whether it's possible to find what I'm looking for, or if I'm just fooling myself into thinking it's possible.
Whilst I can do "casual hookups", and they're certainly pleasant and fun, they're short lived, emotionally empty, and only really good for scratching that physical itch, or getting a brief fulfilment of darker urges. They serve a purpose, but it's like trying to live off only celery, it'll fill you up briefly but eventually you'll waste away.
I can do "arrangements", I've spent the last 12 months in one, a few hours a week of quality time, but distance the rest. It's certainly a considerable step up from casual flings, and can allow the buildup of trust, but it is, at it's heart only a "loaner" situation, they're never properly yours, you have to keep everything at arms length. More fulfilling on an emotional basis at least whilst you're there, but then you spend the rest of the week/month/however long with nothing. I see why some people do them, they can be increadibly practical, and certainly when I entered the arrangement, it was the right thing for me, having been far too badly burned so many times before to want the full committment. It was good whilst it lasted, but it still leaves me wanting more.
So clearly the ultimate solution for me is a long term relationship, something "solid" and "proper", not just an informal situation but a hearts and flowers, ups and downs Relationship, where the kink is as much a part of things as who's turn it is to take the bin out is, but really how does one go about this? Sites like collarme, whilst very good for what they do.. are very focussed on the kink side of things, and there's no way to ever be sure how the *people* click, and vanilla options run huge risk that you'll only encounter "missionary position once a month" level vanilla's.
It feels like one of those situations where whichever option you look at, it's only half a solution, if that, and makes me understand so much better why so many of the people I know in kink circles (which isn't that many to be fair) feel alone.
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I'm sure this will just be discounted as "bitter", but I feel it needs saying.
I know women drown in emails, lots of one liners from one handed typing teenagers and horny old men, all trying to get laid, they're sent indiscriminately, bombarding all the women on the site no matter what they list as their wants etc. I know this, I get it, and truly I feel sorry for you.
On the other hand.. I see profiles all over the place in which people say "no one liners" or "put X phrase in so I know you read my profile etc", people moaning about only getting one liners etc..
So, when a guy sits down and writes them a proper mail, individually just for them, when they take that time and effort to make a personal message rather than a copy pasted "hi do you have msn, get yer tits out, will you marry me and move to mongolia"... what happens? 95% or more of them don't reply.
I know if you replied to every mail you'd never go out/get to work/have a life, but if you can tell so easily which are spam and which aren't, surely you can spare 10 minutes of your day to write "thanks but no thanks", after all you expect us guys to take the time to write you an individual message. It's really not too much to ask that it's acknowledged even if it's a no thanks you're not my type.
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Two entries in one night, a veritable orgy (or quiet night in for some)...
I'm lost, I'm confused, I genuinely don't get it..
How is either ignorance or laziness a positive trait, something that one should advertise over their profile in which they're trying to find some variety of "relationship".
Does the fact that I used simple black text on a plain background, at a reasonable font, mean I'm not all that dominant? Does the fact that I not only checked my profile for grammar (although I may not have been perfect on that) but also spelling mistakes, idiotic statements or random free-floating comma's mean that really I don't have the ability to order, instruct, guide...?
I sometimes act moderately arrogant, but generally I'm quite unassuming, having been looking round profiles randomly tonight out of boredom however, I'm starting to really feel special on here. Submissives put time and effort into their entries, not every single one obviously, but the majority.. but what do they get in return? "I AM DOM, BOW TO ME" if a submissive sent me a message saying "i r submissive i bow to you" I'd think it was a practical joke or an idiot and ignore it utterly, why is it so few dominants can show a level of respect to those they hope to entice to serve them? Jeez, put a little effort in guys!
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Wow, who'd have thought I'd actually get round to making a journal entry on here.
I'm mostly vanished from this site to be honest, for two reasons.
1) I discovered another forum site I far prefer (this is fine for a personals site, but really lacked the community feel, and is far too full of troll types)
2) I found myself a sub, not just any old "a sub", but a stonkingly good one who makes me smile in new ways every day. I'm quite lucky really because I nearly missed her in her keen-ness to escape from here, but I got lucky, and struck gold, as such whilst I'm still around to chat to the few friends I've made on here, I no longer have to go through the struggle of finding someone interesting, then waiting 3 weeks to watch them delete my mail unread, words can't describe the joy this fills me with.
May those of you who aren't troll-scum on here, find what you're looking for, whether that be a Dom, a sub, or answers, and may those of you who troll like a mad thing on here and give every guy a bad name have an embarrassing lube/pc interface so that you don't bother people any more!
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