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ucanttakethis

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Friends:

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PLEASE NOTE MY PROFILE IS WOEFULLY OUT OF DATE. I WILL UPDATE IT WHEN I CAN.
It is easiest to copy and paste my profile from a similar site:
I definitely have a strong Dominant bent, and most of my fun surrounds the kind of things that Doms do. This does not rule out purely sexual fun, and I also tend to make lasting, supportive friendships with people regardless of whether they are play partners, lovers, or neither.
What I’m doing with my life
Right now I'm just exploring who and what are out here. I have regular interactions with a woman who is also very dominant but will bottom for me. We have a great time, both together and apart.
I’m really good at
REAL WORLD:
- communicating at an intellectual level, even in media where communicating in text-speak seems appropriate
- using proper grammar, syntax, capitalization, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure
- not judging others for casual use of grammar, syntax, capitalization, punctuation, spelling, and sentence structure
- irony, sarcasm, and (I apologize in advance for this) puns
- keeping an even temper

SEX AND KINK:
- convincing the vanilla world that I fit into its conservative strictures
- assessing someone's pain threshold from non-verbal cues
- introducing newbies to a kinky lifestyle
- distinguishing between those who bottom because they are naturally submissive, masochistic, adventurous, experimental, or kinky from those who bottom because they are insecure
- earning return visits from those that try me "one time"
The first things people usually notice about me
REAL WORLD:
- I look about 5-10 years younger than I am, except for a grey streak

SEX & KINK:
- That I am the "nicest" Dom they've ever met
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books:
- A Clockwork Orange
- Xanth
- Green Eggs and Ham
- Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit
- The Monster at the End of this Book
- 50 Shades of Grey is NOT on this list. I just have to mention this because it is probably a necessary keyword for someone of my ilk.

Movies:
- A Clockwork Orange
- Jacob's Ladder
- Anything produced by Mel Brooks
- The Muppet Movie
- National Lampoon's Vacation
- The Secretary
- The Last Starfighter

Shows:
- Futurama
- M*A*S*H
- Phineas & Ferb
- Dr. Who (guilty pleasure, sorry)
- Animaniacs
-MST3K (the Joel era)

Favorite Show Theme Songs:
- Fairly Odd Parents
- Animaniacs
- Pinky and the Brain
- The Monkees

Music:
- They Might Be Giants
- Weird Al (yes, another guilty pleasure)
- Tom Lehrer
- Stray Cat Strut
- Jazz (though I can't name almost any songs or any artists)
- Anything with the Muppets
- The Lumberjack Song (from Monty Python)
The six things I could never do without
REAL WORLD:
- Family
- Occasional escape from the real world
- Air conditioning (guilty pleasures abound)
- Hot sauce, hot peppers, and related seasonings
- Ethnic restaurants and recipes
- Early 20th century Ashkenazic a capella men's choir music

SEX AND KINK:
- Consent
- Sadistic play*
- A place to play
- Unabashed cum swallowing
- Opportunities to initiate the uninitiated
- Polysexuality (I am married, and I have at least one sub that identifies as my "girlfriend" at the moment)

*It should be noted that while I do require a certain degree of pain/torture play in my sex life, it is not required of every partner, nor in every sexual episode.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
- How our society is geared so much towards intellectual pursuits, but at the same time, we seek out the base, animalistic, earthy needs of putting our body parts in each other's holes

- The disparate "markets" between what men seek and what women seek, and how comparable those markets are to traditional supply-and-demand market economies

- How many different kinds of "love" there are

- How submissive giving a simple blow job is

- Why men (incl. myself) are so fascinated with anal

- The Buttered Cat Paradox
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
- I couldn't do 75% of what my submissive/bottom playmates have done for me over the years.

- As "unDominant" as it may seem, I love going down on a woman (yes, I *know* unDominant is not a word)

- This will make me sound like a completely pansy, but I can recite 30+ quotes from The Princess Bride

- In the favorite books/movies category, I actually added more than one entry when I saw them in other people's profiles and it reminded me that it was something I loved

- My interest in karaoke rises to the level of a fetish
You should message me if
- You are an experienced female submissive looking for a regular Dominant play partner

- You are interested in being Topped by both a male and female Dom

- You are a newbie interested in a single experience to find out what it's like to be whipped

- You are interested in watching a whipping (note: If you are a male, you will need to supply something in return, since I get a lot of these requests and have no independent interest in males)

- You are not the jealous type

- You think you can do a "blindfolded visit" (ask me about this)

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1/15/2017 6:47:35 AM
The term unicorn has been applied to single females that play with M/F couples because, among other things, it is so rare to find a real one. My sub and I are looking for the "ultimate" unicorn. Not only are we looking for another woman, we're looking for one that can host the two of us and that is okay meeting without exchanging pictures. Compounded levels of impossible, right?

But she eats pussy very well and enthusiastically, handles a dildo expertly, and needs to be fucked by someone with a strap-on. Any takers?

5/22/2014 1:59:55 PM

Sad to report that Collarme seems to be falling out of style. The new profiles in this area seem to be diminishing to one a week. So either people are not finding CM useful any longer or else that one guy who creates a constant stream of fake-women profiles has moved on to more lucrative acts of fraud.


3/1/2014 7:57:42 PM

Been a while since a good head-scratcher came along, but here it is from a local young lady's profile:

"Insulting emails are just going to be deleted unread."


Umm... if you know it is insulting, it's a little late for that "unread" part, dontcha think?

(she's otherwise pretty hot though)


10/2/2013 4:08:24 AM

On OKCupid, individual profiles have a section called "The Most Private Thing I'm Willing To Admit." On one of those profiles I stumbled on the following answer: "i'm not willing to admit nothing unless i know someone to admit something to." I couldn't tell whether she was truly trying to be clever or whether she got lost in mid-sentence (from the context of the rest of the profile though, I am leaning towards the latter). But I am reminded of the immortal words of Tolkien:

"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."


9/10/2013 3:57:59 AM

Today's chuckle du jour:

"I'm willing to try anything once, depending on what it is."

(her profile was otherwise very sweet, and I'm certainly not picking on her)


8/21/2013 1:31:53 PM

I came upon this (paraphrased) quote in someone's profile:

"I am open-minded and hate judgmental people."

Um.... inconsistent?


8/16/2013 4:17:07 AM

I saw the following in the text of someone's profile today: 

"I'm searching for a Dominant and Demanding WHITE Male (though open to other races)."

 If she is open to other races, was it really necessary to emphasize "WHITE" so much?

 This reminds me of a business in Newark DE that I pass along Kirkwood Highway called "JUST CABINETS and more." Am I the only one that saw the paradox in this name? Why hasn't the world exploded yet?

(By the way, my observation regarding the person's profile above is not intended as criticism or an insult... just having a little fun)


8/12/2013 8:00:16 AM

I was recently successful in locating a slave that turned out to be very submissive, quite beautiful, and--the biggest surprise of all among CM females--actually female.

I asked this particular woman why, among all of the 200+ emails that I'm sure she received within 15 minutes after opening her account, she chose mine to respond to. Her response was that I had good spelling and used complete sentences. I have two thoughts on this.

First, after decades of being ignored or avoided as pretentious, it is with great appreciation that I finally find someone that actually finds this quality to be the reason I am chosen. 

Second, I am constantly seeing profiles and journal entries from women bemoaning the pseudo-Neanderthal methods of communication that they receive from "those claiming to be Dominant" (I especially enjoy when they misspell it: "those claiming to be Dominate"). Have you ever considered that people communicate in grunts because they are conditioned to or rewarded for it? So, on behalf of the nerd class of Doms out there, let me make the following proclamation:

If you want people to speak to you in complete, thorough, clear, sophisticated communications, reward them for it. And by reward, I don't mean merely acknowledge the nerd and then still go fuck the jock. I mean, give yourself to the one that communicates. This will condition EVERYONE to communicate and create an environment more conducive to proper selection of mates.

 

*descends soapbox


7/8/2013 5:05:16 AM

I recently got a hilarious spam message in my email. The subject header reads:

 

"jedi mind trick to get any girl"


So a few thoughts on this.


First, I'm grateful to see that the industries which ordinarily prey on horny unsuccessful men* have now graciously decided to include Star Wars nerds among their victims. As my one friend put it, that market has long been underserved. I mean, did they really think there was a "one size fits all" approach to targeted advertising to horny unsuccessful men?


Second, mind you, this came in my regular email, not here on CollarMe. So it appears that the vanilla world is now considering breaking in on the BDSM community's monopoly on hypnosis play. Citizens to arms! We must stop this trend before the vanillas take over! Before long, they will seize even the most fundamental core activities of kink: whippings, cupping, bondage will all become part of their lifestyle**, so we'll have to abandon them as being too mainstream. What will be left? Protest!


Third, somebody really ought to produce a sexual parody of Star Wars, in which a small band of unethical jedi use their powers not for good or for evil, but to get laid. Using Jedi speak, they get the women to say yes when they were about to say no. Certainly the rape trial would be... unbelievable. Besides, imagine the wealth of Star Wars puns and entendres, from comparing "droid sizes" to ewokstiality. Edge play would consist of fucking her with a deactivated light saber and the fear that if the button accidentally gets pressed...***

 


*This is a self-admission about which I am conveniently in denial.

**How many times have you visited an adult toy store and seen those pink fuzzy handcuffs, eh? When was the last time you saw a pair of THOSE tied to a St. Andrews' Cross, other than as a cruel joke?

***Sorry about having so many footnotes.


3/11/2013 4:32:03 AM

I can't claim credit for this, but I saw this on someone's journal and thought it was hilarious. I can't tell whether it was serious or sarcastic, but either way...

 

"Some chick referred to me as a misogynist.  Typical female cunt, I tell you!"


1/3/2013 5:04:20 AM

I had an interesting conversation with one of the fakers on this site. You may find it interesting too. It is one of those profiles by an alleged female slave pretending to have just lost her master. The picture is very attractive, but not such a professional photo that it is 100% clear to be a fraud. Not sure why I deleted the screen name in this recounting of it, since it's hardly protecting the "innocent"... but I guess I don't want my readers focusing on who he is rather than the nature of the discussion.

 

Me: Sigh, if only you were real.

 

Him: give that man a cigar!

 

Me: But why? I mean, why go through all of the trouble to make a profile like that? What do you get out of it, masturbation material?

 

Him: 1.) research - see what the other 1/2 has to put up with

 

2.) months of looking at clearly fake profiles, why not join in.

 

3.) wank fodder? seriously? ya wouldnt belive the drivel.

 

4.)killin time instead of doing something productive

 

5.)why not

 

Me: I can only answer #5. The more fakes one must wade through, the more difficult it is for those of us who are serious to pinpoint the few real ones out there. In essence, you are my worst enemy in this process. Not that I expect you to be particularly bothered by that.

 

Him: hey, if i gotta wade through it...

 

Me: But it's not a question of baking 5 batches of cookies being just as easy as baking 4. Every junk profile that one must wade through on here wastes valuable time, as well as casting further doubt upon the legitimacy of the otherwise real profiles. In essence, you are reducing the chances of those of us who are serious by dilution. * * * Tell you what, I'll stop wasting your time with this conversation. Please just know that someone (else) out there that doesn't know you despises you. If that is the way you care to live your life, then I will have to let karma take care of this for me since I cannot do anything further.

 

Him: I do have some sympathy for the clueless schmucks that are dumb enough to repsond to such an obviously fake profile. Not a lot but some. So far maybe 10% sound sincere and oddly enough, getting a lot of sympathy messages.

 


5/29/2012 1:09:05 PM

I just got a compliment today: "You're a sadist. You're not an asshole."

 

At least *I* consider that a compliment. 


1/5/2012 11:17:04 PM

Another observation of "weird" profile quirks on illustrious CollarMe. I came across a profile that said ONLY:   

I'm a 31 yr old BBW bisexual switch in dire need of a spanking.

 

WARNING: Any institutions or individuals using this site or any of its associated sites for studies or projects - You do NOT have my permission to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a serious violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal ramifications. It is recommended that other members post a similar notice to 

 

Okay, so let me get this straight. You have a one-sentence generic statement about your age, weight, sexuality, BDSM-orientation, and your interest in being spanked, and you're worried that some unknown university out there is going to "study" you or will invade your privacy by reading it?

 


12/20/2011 8:47:52 AM

Probably a waste of a journal entry, but I just saw a profile that started out: "Seeking local slaves for online Domination...." If the Domination is to be "online," why could it be possibly important that the slaves be local?


11/23/2011 12:41:22 PM

I just ran across someone's profile that said, among other things, "do not respond if you are fake." Obviously we all confront fakes on this site (probably three times as much as real people), but will including that request in your profile deter the fakes from responding? If you were a 55-y/o fat male faker sitting at your desk stroking your cock about someone's profile, would you really tell yourself "oh, they said no fakers, so I guess I will forbear from pretending I'm a 19 year old hottie with a picture I recycled from a paid porn site..."

 

If you are one of these people that puts "do not respond if you are fake" on your profile and if that request actually *works* in eliminating faker-based emails, can you please let me know? I'm not unwilling to eat these words.


8/30/2011 5:18:43 AM

GOOD LUCK TO YOU, GIRL. I KNOW YOU WILL DO WELL.


12/1/2010 12:22:01 PM
I AM SEEKING A 2ND FEMALE SUB TO KNEEL NEXT TO MY PRIMARY FEMALE SUB.  ONE OF YOU WILL BE WHIPPED INTO OBLIVION. THE OTHER WILL BE RAPED (I CHOOSE THE HOLE).  YOU WILL BOTH BE BLINDFOLDED.  WHEN I AM GONE, THE BLINDFOLDS COME OFF AND THE TWO OF YOU WILL PLEASURE EACH OTHER.  LOOKING TO DO THIS THIS WEEK OR NEXT, WE HOST.

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ArtemisBaby
 
 Age: 23
 Santa Clara, California