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Ideally, I would like to be in a serious, committed relationship, but reality dictates that I will have, caring, but less committed relationships, while waiting to meet my "special one". What I will expect from a woman, depends on on our level of committment. Even in so-called "casual" relationships, I really value intimacy, but do not require, nor even desire, sexual penetration (casually). I do require nudity, sensuality, and a willingness to break down inhibitions. Like the lead character in "Sex, Lies, And Videotape" (rent it if you haven't seen it), I love for women to share their sexual thoughts, dreams, and fantasies with me. I could merely spank a woman, but wouldn't it be so much more intimate, and erotic, if she carressed and played with herself, while telling me how much she CRAVED the light touch I give to prepare her skin for beatings, and how much she NEEDS her ass to tingle and burn for me? Even spankings need some foreplay. They become so much more passionate, and sexy that way. I need a woman to be imaginative, open-minded, and willing to give me the opportunity to provide her with the physical and emotional safety, to expand her limits, trying things she may not have thought to try with others. Let me take pride, in what a charming, intelligent, and well-mannered lady you are in the "vanilla" world, but have a nasty side to show me, when that is what I desire of you. Casual playmates may limit our interactions to spankings and floggings, saying no to golden showers and humiliation, but I think a woman seeking committment, should be open to such things. After getting to know me, you will be confident in my affection, and respect for you. Humiliation (from me) is not disrespect for the person, but a reminder of RANK, and a means to attain the submissive "headspace", necessary to best serve me. If seeking committment, you must be service-oriented, have a strong need for my approval, and be very responsive to my touch. You will not have unrealistic expectations, know that we are all learning, and be prepared to grow with me. Great communication is vital, and I would always be open to hearing what works and doesn't work for you, so long as it comes constructively, respectfully, and not at an inappropriate time. "Bratting", as in disrespecting me to provoke punishment, will not be tolerated. I truly respect a submissive who has the courage to shed her inhibitions, and really give of her body, heart, and mind to me. I am not full of myself, believing that I am a superior person. However, by virtue of your consensual surrender to me, I am of higher rank, and therefor must be treated with respect. After all, power comes with responsibilities (to respect, protect, and cherish you), and by taking on such responsibility, I am entitled to the priveledges of my rank. Maybe bitchy women never seem happy, because they never really earned the attention they get from men. Something earned, always tastes sweeter. I am a demonstrably affectionate man, but you will earn my attention, through various tests of your devotion to me. Shall we talk. It can be in a safe, public place, and you may check with others, about my ethics and safety. Come on, you know you want to send me an e-mail. Now do it!
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When I started out, I learned that humiliation was a useful tool, to get a submissive into the "headspace" to feel and act like the submissive they longed to be. After all, it wasn't always easy to come in off the street, in a society that speaks of equality, then instantly fall into "slave mode". Humiliation could be a "transitional tool", that a submissive could appreciate from a dominant, who respected them as a person, and was only "helping" them to become what they wanted. The problem is, I have since found out that many submissive women have been made to feel bad about themselves, from unethical men (and I use the term "men" loosely), who put women down, as a way to make their pathetic selves feel "better" than someone else. No wonder so many women list humiliation as a "limit" or "dislike". I hope to be more sensitive to this, starting out with more delicious forms of "humiliation", such as making a woman blush. Even more important than letting a submissive woman feel her lower rank, through humiliation, I want first to lift her up, letting her know how precious she is, and how I savor her gift of self. Last weekend, a special lady snuggled up to me after play, clinging to me through six hours of sleep, never breaking her embrace. It was worth more to me than 50 (or more) blowjobs. Through that simple, wordless act, I felt totally validated as a man, that she felt so safe, secure, and content in my arms. It also made me feel validated, as her dominant, that I had made her feel emotionally safe and secure, as well as fully trusting in my affection. That kind of intimacy is pure bliss to me, and what i hope will be a value I share with my partners.
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I have been thinking about how some other tops get so involved in preserving a stereotypical image, that they and their bottoms lose out on what is really important. Case in point, would be restrictions made on eye contact. It may conform to stereotype, or make an insecure top feel superior, but both parties miss out on that really sexy and intimate connection that two people can make at a really intense moment. I will not give that up, even if others think that a "real" top doesn't allow eye contact. I think, that as a real top, I will do as I wish, and persue those intimate moments with my sub. The same goes for that stoic look that tops are supposed to have. Give me a break! Maybe I'll just throw out the "rule book", become the "anti-top" dominant, and just find my own way.
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I have been thinking about subtle public play. There are vibrating devices that fit over a woman's genitals, but under her clothing. How wonderful it would be, to "zap" her, from time to time, in a movie theater. Perhaps I could amuse myself, by watching her try to maintain her composure, as she tries to give her order to a waiter, while on the verge of orgasm. Maybe a butt plug would change her walk, and make her self-conscious. Would such things make her wet, to the point that I would smell her sweet arousal before we even got home. The possibilities greatly intrigue me.
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