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i have been looking in the lifestyle for some time. It seems most online are either only looking for online or only looking for sex. While i do agree that there are sexual aspects to my service i do not want that to be all, or even the main focus...
i wish to serve, and therefore, am now looking first for a domestic service. If more develops then so be it, and all the better, but if not then that will be fine as well. my goal is to serve, not be a fling. i will serve in any way i am capable of; it is truly my joy to do so, but also such a disappointment when the other is only looking for physical and not a connection.
Is there One who wishes to own one who needs to serve?
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i thought, since i did my opening post i would put something more personal as well.
This is mainly a question for the void, as i would never expect a responce, but... why does it seem we are always running from the bad things that have happened to us? We can cope with so much and endure much, but once we reach that limit and are forced beyond what happens then? Are we doomed to always push it down and hide it, fearing what the One we wish to serve would think or can Others understand that and accept that they may need to go slower with us?
So many today live in the "Burger King Society", where it is "Your way, Right away", that those of us who, for whatever reasons, are no longer able to move that way in our submission are now left to the cold. Is there nothing we can do to heal to make those hesitations leave, or must we truly experiance a caring Dominant who will move with us down that path to healing in order to continue in the lifestyle?
This is just something i have wondered lately... i am sure there are so many answers out there, some better than others, but i just wonder if i will find my answer sometimes. i thought i had found it more than once, only for a fresh wound to be inflicted, and with each new wound it takes a little more for me to trust to the same level each time. When will i reach the point that a new Owner will not want to take the time to allow me to submit to the level They, and i, truly desire? i know it must be so very hard on Them as well, not being able to obtain the service They truly desire and having to take that control slowly. Having to guide me back into that place where i can truly trust Them... That place is where my heart longs for, but to protect myself i can't go there quickly. Ironically, that protection is there for whoever my Owner may be, so i can protect myself for them.
i suppose i have rambled enough, and should close this post out... The question continues though, and i still look for an answer.
---texasdomestics |
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They always say the first entry is the hardest and i guess it is true. i thought i would start writing here some since many Dominants seem to want a journal of one sort or another.
i have never been very good at keeping a steady journal since life always finds a way to interrupt and give me an excuse to skip an entry, and of course once you skip one it just gets harder to start again. i hope to use this to strengthen my and flush out my skill set a bit for whoever my Owner may be.
A journal can have many benefits, i do realize, and i think keeping it online here will help me overcome some shyness as well. To give myself a better than average chance of keeping up with this i am only shooting for a minimum of one post a week, though i may try for more at times, and will slowly increase the requirement over time until i am writing daily.
Here's to hoping....
---texasdomestics |
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| Age: 38 |
| Independence,
Missouri |
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