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Updated my age. Didn't realize the site doesn't automatically calculate it. So now I'm 27 instead of 25.
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Currently in discussion with a wonderful lady. Too early to say how things will turn out, but at least things are looking up.
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I figured out one of the problems I've had when it comes to pain play- I'm not a masochist. I'm a bondage bunny and control lover. So I get more from a public humiliation scene than I ever would from a pain scene. Shame it took me so bloody long to figure it out, but its no problem. I've actually known it for a while, but I needed a chance to actually write it here.
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Remember, if you want me to reply, then at least have some text in your profile that doesn't scream "phishbot spam."
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Opportunity may knock, but what do you do when he doesn't knock loud enough for you to hear?
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LA told me, you'll be a pop star. All you have to do is, change everything you are. Tired of being compared, to damn Britney Spears. She's so pretty, that just ain't me. Yup. Sometimes a pop song exactly sums up how I feel about the world.
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I threw out so many of my old and rarely-used toys yesterday. I probably could've sold some of them at the next EROS swap meet... but to be honest, they had too many painful memories of times I've screwed up attached to them. I'm going to try and toss all my old stuff gradually, until I've got nothing left. Cuffs, gone. Collars, gone. Gags, gone. Butt plugs, gone. And then I'm not going to buy anything more until I can find someone to enjoy them with. While I like the idea of having my own set of stuff.... but not when there's so much pain attached to it. *sings* I'm leaving the pain behind me...
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Out of town until the 25th.
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Once again, what should seem to be reasonable turns out not to be, and I once again realize I need a better job. Tell me something I don't know. Don't contact me looking for a hookup right now.
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Going to a friend's party this weekend, barring acts of divine entities. Hope things come out ok. Right now almost anything, even no strings attached, will probably help me.
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The holidays are always stressful for me. Now and V-day are the two holidays that really are best enjoyed with someone else. I hope I find that special someone else... that would be a wonderful christmas gift, for each of us.
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New front page pic up. Please bear with me if it isn't up yet. My old front page was just getting too old- I think I've had it there for three years now.
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I see more and more "no guys" profiles every day. Makes you wonder what some of the other guys are doing, or saying. Because I'm not one of them. I've found I don't know the right thing to say to start a conversation, so I generally wait for someone to say something to me. It also makes me really wish that I was a girl. Girls have everything and can do everything. Guys don't seem to be worth very much anymore. But they are worth something. *dreams of transition*
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Going to be out of town from now until Sunday. No internet where I'm going, unfortunately. Someone needs to figure out why cellular internet is such a big fat ripoff, and fix it.
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Now single again, after a brief attachment. When you can't get together with someone because of constant "mishaps" and "scheduling problems," it makes one wonder.
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Profile updated. Hope it doesn't suck as hard as it used to. Its hard to get a good one when people refuse to tell you why they aren't answering your emails, or why they just glanced without saying anything.
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Deleted the submissive info part of my profile. Let's just say it SUCKED. So its down until I can figure out what to write there. And yes, I'm feeling totally depressed, emo, and brain dead right now. x.x
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Back online after fifteen rough days.
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Smacked down hard by Hurricane Ike. I'm going to be off for a very long time, because the waiting list for a new telephone pole is between one and three weeks.
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I'm starting to hate vanilla girls. Or possibly girls in general, although I loathe boys just as much. And thus the part of me that likes hearing girls and boys squeal in pain does surface...
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Some of you from my old profile might remember me saying I'd been accused of being an undiagnosed case of asperger's syndrome. Well, I talked with someone last night and seemed to hit the bulk of the symptoms- including one I hit by taking the exact opposite stance aspies usually take (which is that anything I say is potentially highly disrespectful and/or stalkerish). So.... yeah. Farking great. Yippie. Between that, my wanting to be a girl, and chronic fatigue syndrome; I'm one fucked-up kid. So what do I do now? I'm not really sure. I'll think of something, I guess. But does anyone out there care? Is anyone reading this? Or should I just close down this profile and try to forget I was ever here?
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I dunno. Sometimes it seems like I meet nice people, but only after they've already met their perfect nice people. So I'm stuck being a second-string submissive instead of what I really want to be. It feels like I got stuck in a circle jerk because I didn't want to be the guy who just watched at the parties and never played, because he just watched and never played. So I don't go to parties because I don't want to be seen as that guy, but when I do go to one thinking something different will happen, nobody knows me well enough because they've never seen me play. Oh, and then the one party I decide to be fashionably late to (since they NEVER start on time), I miss the ONE chance I have at a bondage scene because somebody got started early. And people in the local community wonder why I never go to parties...
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Ok, maybe I was wrong about things only getting better from my last blog entry, but it seems like the notifier you get when you get new message isn't always working. I'll just chalk it up as a trivial annoyance. So if you send me a mail here and don't get a reply for a while, just wait a day or two more. I usually check the site every day or two anyway.
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Iunno. This is one of those times when I hate being single. I know quite a few guys who say "You should love being single! It lets you sleep around and not have to worry about anything!" And maybe it works for them. They're built like norse gods and can guzzle a six-pack of beer without even buzzing- and have three or four girls they're reguarly going out with (who aren't going out with anybody else, BTW). Doesn't work so well when you're chronically underweight and have permanent stubble worse than Homer Simpson. And yes, this blog probably is making me seem like I've got a very bad case of clinical depression, but on the flip side it can only get better from here, right?
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Ever have one of those times when you just crave the touch of a hot, attractive guy? I am right now... but ironically enough, don't find any of the guys on here in my local area attractive. *shrug* That, or a cute but butch girl. Yeah, I said the B word. A cute butch girl with a crew cut who likes feminine guys like me. Again, no such animal here locally.
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I just turned 26. That means I'm starting to fall into the category of "old" subbies instead of "young" ones. I guess that's supposed to make me feel more desirable, but somehow that's not what I'm feeling. For one, I wonder how people perceive the fact that I've been single for so long, without even a play partner. I guess it makes me seem desperate. And what about the fact that I'm a bondage bunny instead of a pain piggy? That never gets me anything but frustration at the few parties I go to, so I don't really bother going anymore. I guess the secret was to find somebody in the lifestyle, pair off with them, THEN come out into the local scene? That way I'd at least have somebody to play with so if/when I ended up single I wouldn't be a pariah because nobody knows how I play or what I enjoy, or feels comfortable doing stuff other than the obligatory chain station flogging.
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I dunno. Sometimes it seems like I can't get anything of what I want, because of the sheer volume of what I don't. Is it so wrong to want to be tied up or locked into a piece of bondage furniture instead of just having my butt whipped? And why does it seem like there's so few lifestyle dommes close to my own age compared to the number of barely-legal "financial dommes"? Or even people looking for a casual play partner so they can go to the parties and not have to worry about people talking behind their back about why they aren't playing and/or don't have someone to play with?
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Got another new thing... not only will I not respond to emails from blank profiles, I'm also no longer responding to emails from profiles that look like they were written by a 3rd grader.
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Went to my first EROS meeting in a long time. It was great. Got to meet new people and old friends.
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And then sometimes, I get an email that makes me want to laugh, from someone whose profile REALLY makes me want to laugh. Or possibly cry, considering how much effort I've put into trying to find someone on CM only to get emails from people out of state saying how horny they are... whatEVAR. As if people answer emails like that?
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I don't reply to blank profiles, especially if you're a Dom. So if
yours is blank, don't expect me to write back. At least write SOMETHING. Otherwise, your email goes into File 13.
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Going to be out of town this saturday, so if you email me that day, don't be surprised if it takes me a while to respond.
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Minor update- I'd forgotten to mention my allergy to pets, so I added it to my profile. Yes, I like pets. No, I can't be around them very long without my sinuses going haywire.
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