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When changes happen they happen for a reason.
Right now I may not know that reason but I will in time. I just know the pain I am experiencing right now feels nothing like the good kind. My heart is breaking into a million pieces........
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Never thought it would be so hard to move on after a brake-up..... Master and I are still together but our girl has gone her own way.... As hurtful as it is and as much as I miss her I wish her only happiness in life. I hope she finds everything she is looking for and more. I feel that she deserves all that she desires and should have some one that can provide for her what we could not.
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Why do people say one thing and when it comes time to act upon the words spoken they find every way out of it? I am done!!!!!!!
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Well we have gone and done it now. Master and I finally got our own place. Moved this weekend and now we have to go through all those boxes and put it all some place LOL *BIG GRIN* can't wait to get it all set up.
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So I guess its time for a bit of an update. In O/our search for a third W/we met one of the most wonderful girls. Through our ups and downs over the last year O/our relationship has grown into something that is an ever blooming flower of.... AH hell its a friggin great relationship. We have our differances yes but is that not what makes a relationship grow? It is long distance for now as she lives about 700 miles away, give or take a few hundred lol. She has become a very intricate part of O/our lives. As each day goes by W/we long to have her with U/us here. And one day that is exactly what will happen :D. I love you Sexy woman and can't wait till you are here in my arms permanently.
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Well last night at the Enclave there was a bit of a contest. *smiles* The first annual Iron Ass 2008. A few of I joined in the fun loving competition. All I can really say is think Miss America pageant only with a BDSM twist. A full night of laughs and talent and well of course the core of the contest a whack off. Each of us took a total of 6 whacks from the paddle. Let me tell ya I honestly thought it was gonna hurt more than it did lol. It seems I actually rolled my eyes after one of the whacks. Well I guess that would be part of why I am now Ms. Iron Ass 2008 at the Denver club the Enclave. Pics to come soon. :D
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So it seems I am changing my mind a lot about things. Sir and I are looking for a third to join us. This is not to say we have not met some pretty nice people but things don't seem to click when it comes to the relationship talk. This is fine because we have made some great friends a long the way. With our lives being as full as they are it really is difficult to be very spontaneous. Which for the most part both of us are pretty spontaneous... Sir and I apparently seem to be pretty picky as to what we want in our third. We really don't demand to much just the basics.. Honesty, Communication, Drug Free, Disease Free, and the willingness to accept us both. I will be the "alpha" slave in the home but to be honest its more likely that I will be much more than a sister slave to someone for Sir. By this I mean that with me being a switch it is most likely that our third will be Mine and by "default" be sirs as well. That may seem like a lot to ask but in all honestly its not if you ask me. Ok enough of my rambling... i will stop for now.
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Well here it is the new year. Heres to hopeing it will be a good one. I look forward to all those I will meet and those I am friends with already.
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I am at my wits end I have reached a point that to me seems like a point of no return. I have been pushed around by some others and have been made to feel that who I thought I was is honestly not who I truly am. Thanks to others simple disregard for other around them I have made some choices in my life that are going to start today.
Right now I am giving up my search for a submissive for myself and Master. I am questioning my tendency to switch. I am wondering if it may not simply be a matter that I am just a moody, whiny, bitchy submissive that likes to have things her way outside of her relationship with her Master.
I am now on a quest to seek out my true self.
I do know I am NOT a mat to be walked on, kicked around, abused, or to be treated like I am nothing.
The One really good thing I see in this is I have my Master to help me through this new journey I am embarking on.
Hope to come out the other side with a better knowledge of who and what I am.
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ok so I have desided its time I start adding a journal entry once in a while. LOL so here goes......
Monday is my birthday and I still have as of yet gotten used to being in my 30's. I know I know thats not very old. It was still a pretty good shock to me.
Master and I have yet to find the "perfect" fit as an addition to our relationship. The reasons for this are slowly being resolved.... I won't go into those here as they are pretty privet. One issue I will mention here is that is it hard to find someone that fits with our needs. We are looking for friendship above all else and if a relationship comes out of that then great. If not then we have made at least one more friend and thats always a good thing. One can never have to manny friends.
We are a pretty busy couple of people these days. I work and go to school and take care of Him. He works and takes care of me as needed *smiles* On weekends we spend time with friends and at the club.
Gonna stop talking now till later *winks*
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