SimonD

Recently, in our chatroom, we discussed the topic of how a submissive reacts if her dominant cries. It caused me to reflect upon my own life. I remember shedding tears only four times as an adult. The first time was my mother's deathbed. I was with her when she went. Many years then passed without any tears. The second time was my father's funeral. The tears were so unexpected that I was actually confused by what they were, momentarily blinded, and stumbled while carrying the coffin. The third time was the morning of 911, just at the moment I realized the magnitude of what had happened to our country. The last time was just recently after my older sister's funeral. It was not the eulogies, everyone's weeping, or the viewing that brought on the tears. It was something else. When I was a boy, I disassembled my sister's doll kitchen appliances to see how their motors worked. Sadly, I ruined them for her. She cried and vowed she would "hate me forever." In fact, even as an adult, she still "bitched" about that damn doll kitchen. After she got sick, I hunted down and bought that exact vintage kitchen. Her eyes lit up when she unwrapped the box. It was a collector's perfectly preserved one - almost exactly like new. She played with in her bed, just like a little girl. For a time, she seemed to forget her cancer. I just sat and watched her. After the funeral, I saw that kitchen neatly packed away in her closet. Nothing happened for a minute...I closed the closet door...started to walk out...then...the tears came. It was a relief. I had not cried at her funeral. I had not been able to cry with her during her diagnosis or long illness. Instead, I obsessively focused on making sure she got the best medical care available - something I could "control." In the end, it was, of course, just the illusion of control. Like many men, I naturally restrain my emotions. This goes back to my childhood. Tears were never acceptable back then for boys. Times have changed. I have not, I suppose.