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Greetings!!!!!!!!
i looked over my profile and realzed i came off as extremely harsh and unlikeable...
I am a very nice person as a rule.. the bad part comes out when i feel threatened by someone wanting to push me out of the picture. I am more than willing to share my life and Aydan with someone who can fulfill the needs Aydan has that i cannot. HOWEVER I am not willing to be pushed into the background |
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good evening.... had an amazing day... |
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Good morning! I notice people keep viewing my profile but no one drops a line saying hi or anything..
I promise I don't bite(well unless you want me too lol) |
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Good morning.
I have decided to start writing again.
One chaptor of my life has closed and another one begins.. I went thru a period of depression and lost passion for any thing. I woke up one day(cliche time) and thought there has to be something more to this world than the world i was living in.
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i just wanted to say i am sorry for any pain (mentally) to any other subs/slaves that my former Master Aydan had dealings with....
I was childish and very jealous of my"place" with Him...i saw any other female as compatition, and i felt like i would be replaced by another sub/slave who could serve Aydan better than i ever could... to E/everyone i wish the best this life has to offer
shylark |
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I am seriously thinking of leaving this world and heading back to the vanilla one. Some of the things my Master wants to try are extremely risky for my health, and the sad thing is that He won't listen to me about my fears. I have no idea of how to get Master to understand that what He wishes to do cause Him pleasure and me harm.
I love Him dearly, i just wish that he would take my fears and worry into account when He thinks up scenes |
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smiles* life is so good right now |
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it's official!!!!!! Master and i married on july11!!!!!11111
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i got my dress yea!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Master had to sit and watch.me try on dresses for almost an hour lol. At one point Ithought He was going to explode because of all the chatter He had to suffer thru ;p; |
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ok, getting the last wedding details wrapped up
i think i can finally relax....... nope gotta find two fru fru dresses for the twins. dang almost forgot our son.... anyone know where i can find a kilt in a 2 toddler???? lol |
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i am feeling so good today. spring is in the air, and i feel better than i have in a long time. Aydan and i have talked and talked.W/we came to understand why W/we both acted the way we did in certain situations, W/we found out exactly what it is W/we need for each other. There is a love between us that nothing(or noone ) can come between.
Yes time got rocky between us. Jealousy got the better of me and Aydan felt as though i was testing him and he failed. W/we both made mistakes. but W/we learned from them and now W/we are moving on. O/our wedding will be held in july and then the rest of our lives together. |
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why is it that men think they can walk all over your heart and expect that everything will be the same?
Aydan knows how i feel about other women yet he decided to ask a woman from work if she wanted to share a ride with him three days a week.i know this doesn't sound like a big deal ,but with our history it is. i am not talking a ten or fifteen minute ride. i could handle that no problem,but this is an hour ride each way.Sometimes i feel like he is punishing me for things he has done. i freely admit i am not an angel. i have made him miserable in the past, but he made sure that i was punished for everything i did. |
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Have you ever known that one person that you couldn't walk away from? That no matter how bad the situation you couldn't bear the thought of not having that person in your life?
No matter how much it hurts, no matter if i don't think i will survive some of the things You put me thru, i will always stay with you |
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i think last night was a good night.
Master went out last night without me. i was very suspicious, but i didn't accuse Him of going to see anyone else to "scatch His itch"
He didn't come home until 3;30 this morning.
He told me when He came in that He had been with the boys. i hope so |
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tis goes out to someone i have been talking to and all of a sudden she stopped talking to me.
if i said something to offend you then i am sorry.
if it was a game you were playing then i hope you got what you wanted out of it.
i am not angry at anyone anymore and i hope everyone finds the peace they seek |
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good day to all,
i have been reading the last however many journal entries that i have posted and have come to a sad conclusion. i have been wasting energy on a sorry so- called slave
who i have came to realize isn't worth the time of day much less all the energy i have used hating and blaming her.Aydan is the one who broke my trust and everything i thought was sacred between us. i am also to blame because instead of sitting and talking with Him i thru fits, W/we have been talking like rational adults and have come to realize that Aydan and i do love each other very much and if all goes well W/we will be married in july .
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ok i need to make a few things clear.
i was hurt in my last relationship by a Master that i love deeply and a so-called slave(that is the last thing she is) i am not saying her name but messege me if you would like to know.(did i mention i am bitter?)
i am not in the right frame of mind to start
ANYTHIMG other than friendship at this time. |
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well i guess today i am totally free.
there were things in my not so distant past that happened and i had a very hard time getting over(invilving Aydan and another so-called slave) i have a very hard time trusting ANYONE. however this is something i know i have to work on overcoming.
i am uncollared and feeling free |
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it's snowed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now to get out in the yard and play. |
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Merry Christmas to all... i hope everyone has all their wishes and dreams come true |
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i am feeling slightly vindictive today.
what comes around goes around. the so-called slave got dumped. GOOD!!!!!!!!!
she tried to screw my life up and now she gets what she deserves!!!! she had the gall to come sniffing around Aydan again. i won't let her in my house again. if Aydan is stupid enough to get sucked in by her act then he can go to her. he can take his crap and live with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i feel so free right now |
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new hair style, new attitude on life |
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i found something out about life. things are going to happen whether you want them to or not.
i heard some news this morning that brings a little peace in my life. the so-called slave that caused all the pain is no longer in the picture even as a friend!!!!! now i think the healing can begin.
i have to be able to forgive so i can have some peace in my life |
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i am so confused its pitiful. my former Master tells me he still loves me and wants me with him,yet anytime something doesn't go quite right i get a lecture. i feel like giving up on life
the only things that feel right are my children. |
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did some christmas shopping over the weekend. toys r us is a blast. now i remember why i had kids.... so i can test their toys out of course lol |
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ok enough feeling sorry for myself.
it has been about three weeks now. and i am tired of giving someone as much power over me as i have her...she isn't worth the effort.
neither is aydan. he could not be satisfied with some one who loved him took care of him , she had to show me just how poor of a slave i was.. oh well .
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i just received a message asking if i was bitter, because thats how i came off as.
bitter? nah. hurt,yes, confused as to how someone could break so many trusts and not act like it bothers them, yes.
i love my former Master. i did not want anyone but him. He seemed to take pleasure in showing me that he could sleep with someone in front of me and not only expect me to cheer him on(sorry lost the pom-poms) but to cheerfully join in, even after i told him how bad it hurt seeing him with someone else. He had told me time and again that i was his number one priority and he loved only me.
yet he could hurt me so much by being with a manipulating so called slave. to me thats not love |
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i guess i am uncollared. I asked Master if i was His slave or his sub.and he said i was his woman. |
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there was a "slave" on here that said she had been thru "so" much. she mentioned differant Masters that had not been kind to her.
funny thing.. i tried looking for them on here but to my surprise i couldn't find ANY of them.
hhmmmm wonder what that was about?????
all i can say is at least be honest to yourself and others...
that said, i stated i don't play well with others. that is very true. i hate being told one thing then someone turning around and doing another. my relationship is on very shaky ground because my Master caused me more pain mentaly then i thought i could bear.
He and the other person see nothing wrong in what happened. i admit i could have handled things differantly, but then again so could they. Master told me that i was #1 in his life and then took everything i held sacred between us and everything i thought was special and showed me how he didn't think that anything was special between us.
and for the so-called slave. one of these days someone besides me will see thru that sweet facade you have up and see you for the manipulater you really are
you wanted Master and you wanted me out of the picture. too bad so sad |
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