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	For years the things I feared most were pushed in my limits. No matter what I did. No matter if I was honest and even offered to bleed. There was no aftercare and no reliable means of communication given on my end. I would be left for months at times in silence just needing. I was still grateful ..the devotion..the bond ..the mental bondage always defending but I was told its dark this is dark so I would comfort myself crash on my own. But I still offered to bleed. I wasnt allowed to say His name..now I still dont dare its the mental bondage of all the good things I remember when I pleased Him ..how that felt. I would still defend him even right now. Ii was constant mind fucking . I never knew what end was up. Many times I did trust and didnt fear. Then I kept fearing . He would come back build my trust then leave with no warning sometimes I could see he was around but he would ignore me. This isnt vanilla after all and Master is Master. I had many names here and profiles nobody knew even now writing this the mental bondage pulls I want to please him..I always will. I would get so unsure my words would not come out right..I grew so much the first years then I could not get my footing or maybe he just thought I wasnt real in my submission I never knew. I know i will never be completely at peace. Ivrenember the times I would curl up feeling safe within his domination.

This is an old profile from my life over three years ago .the words are from that journey. I have many emails I'm going through. I'm owned again . I may eventually transfer the words I used to write or erase them . Life goes on. I only seek friends. Going over the past is part of my healing and moving on as things have been unwound...the past unwound .