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princesstomboy

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Friends:
MaahesduVallon

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Hello to all who walk about my words don't trip on your lips and give feedback good, bad, but Indifferent** can be left out. Indifferent is not having an opinion so just forget me. I am not here to collect virtual friends, foes, or masturbation material. Can a friendship build ..... you might ask, yes of substance and understanding. I have many writings and welcome your input. I like to talk/chat and communicate about my content and I believe you stop learning when you die. The meaning of Friends for me includes existing friends on my list. My friend list also includes people of substance which is shown over time. SUBSTANCE to me is (discussing/having an opinion) through quality comments on my writings or pictures. I will respond in kind because I want to know what you think even if you disagree.

I am married in an open marriage, we are swingers, and we can be poly at times. My power to submit flows first from my beloved Husband. I am also a swinger but I prefer an FWB type of swingers relationship, when the mood hits it hits, so someone could get lucky. However, I am Demisexual so a connection opens pandora's box. I am also Sapiosexual so I find witty charm very attractive but like any Tomboy, I like to be outside and see things, experience things and sometimes get my hands dirty...

I was huge into the strict Daddy Dom M/S dynamic with TPE and I believe I can be again under the right person. However for now I will continue to dance to my music, owned only by my Hubby until the universe decides to add something new to my existence. I have also decided to accept that I am a Brat and will continue to be a brat.... So here is your warning!!!

I am a complicated person simply put...... I live life to the fullest and then it's still not far enough. I am qualified to speak on multiple lifestyles BDSM, Swinger, and Poly which makes me an educated, hedonistic, and ethical slut. HaHa

This is why I am warning you .... Substance is important

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11/27/2022 6:59:09 PM

Her OK Space is a place where she is just getting a chance to be, be herself, be friends, be play-partners or be aware of her changing needs. She feels a change as she floats around having new experiences and enjoying all her new friendships. She no longer feels the need to be protected or guided by a hand. She was mostly into the strict Daddy-Master TPE type of dynamic but she is deciding not to look for that dynamic right now. She has decided to let herself grow and embrace new experiences, new people, and different kinds of play. Her play before was only about pleasing her Master but now she is deciding to venture out and play for herself. That selfish bitch, Yup she is but ethically so..... What makes it different for her is, doing it for the experience of something that catches her eye and is offered not in a service-type dynamic but because she wants to play with the person that has offered. It can be equated with flicking your own bean for the first time for the ladies but for the men, the first-time masturbating is your example. She has always held back until a connection was formed thinking that it would eventually happen but in most cases it never did. She missed out on many great opportunities because of wanting to stay in her comfort zone. She was addicted to safe and secure relationships because there was less chance of getting truly hurt. She was wrong and now reflaspects and decides to move forward dancing and full of life. A thirst for adventure, a thirst for experience, and an appetite for fun. She has decided that if any type of relationship forms it will be because it organically came about not because of need but want. She will fill her need herself. She is happy in her OK Space, a space for her to explore, a space for different opportunities, and a place where she holds her wheel and drives for a bit.... limitless ( with the exception of her hubby that is....). He holds complete power over her so he will keep her poised and somewhat balanced.


8/30/2022 4:00:58 PM

Serenity


She walks into his lair with anxiety pulling at her as she watches her poise because he is a Master who holds great expectations. This excites her as her goal is to please him regardless of his high expectations. She knows he has had other slaves and she is eager to see where this leads, but he requires patience. She prostrates herself in front of him to show her submission and willingness. This act increases her anxiety but feeds her submission. This inspires the Master to pull the beast from within her, something so submissive must have an inner core that is her primal side. He wants to push her limits and chains her to the floor. He oils her because as he likes the marks, but he doesn’t want to rip her skin. He knows what his goal is and even the devil himself would be jealous of the effect that is yearning for. She was shackled to the floor with little to no movement allowed. He stood over her as she tried to hide her whimpers. She could feel the oil dripping around her thighs and in the crack of her ass. The Master asked if she was ok, and she took a moment to squeak out a yes Sir. She had to trust him, she knew this and found comfort that if he felt she was ready for such a journey then she was ready. She let go and opened herself giving the Master the ability to illicit the responses he was craving. The energy flowed with every interaction he created, she embraced it and as the pain and pleasure intertwined and came to climax her submission climbed with it. He brought her back down where she laid still but shackled limp and panting. He draped a blanket over her it was soft and warm, he placed a small pillow under her head, and he gave her small sips of water through a straw. He directed her to drink, and she did as told. He sat next to her watching as she slowly came back. Slowly he unshackled her and embraced her. She was now curled up to him on the floor where he continued aftercare. She was fulfilled as he was obviously proud of her and even told her so as he stroked her hair. 

 


3/29/2022 5:51:25 AM

She embraces different experiences with different people in different situations trying to quench the thirst that keeps building inside her. She wants to be in a collar on her knees .... she longs to feel her submission again, to turn over the reins that strangle her and hold her in top space. She understands her value in top space but it doesn’t feed her soul. She has been looking for years for the situation to change ..... thinking it will happen when its suppose to happen until then trying to feed her hidden side from the crumbs left about in these different situations. A little submission here, a little consensual non consensual there, just small almost minuscule crumbs.

There are days where she decides it just isn’t a part of her anymore and she pushes away the feeling refusing to let it in and sometimes she succeeds for a while but the void continues to grow, the walls fall in on her and its the only thought in her mind. That is when it consumes her cruelty reminding her of her needs, her feelings, and her memories. Like a movie you cant turn off...... she can see herself so vividly, she can feel the feelings she once felt, she can taste the release in her obedience, she remembers being engulfed in him and in that moment she worried only for his want in her.

She is coming back out slowly, kind of scared and kinda lurking. What drives her, what pushes her is the fire that burns, the thoughts she cant get out of her head, the feelings that linger like a drug to an addict ..... she is close to self domination for the first time in her life which is a very confusing thought for her ... she holds on gring at straws and living in her dreams...she doesn’t know how to approach people, she doesn’t know how to get close to people and she cant automatically trust .... these things will leave her with herself, her memories, her dreams


3/28/2022 9:12:02 PM

Chasing the Dragon

All she has left of her drug is dominant lovers..her dominant protective side keeps her from submitting to them; she tends to walk through life as a switch hiding her needy submissive side because the ones that she meets are disposable to her, and she tops them from the bottom gauging her danger in every encounter. They are always sexually excited, which causes a frenzy inside of them as they try to navigate her confusing waters.

She looks for more than sex, but rough sex can help her feel a slice of submission until he goes too far or tries to be a Master, Dom, or Daddy (which can never happen on a first encounter) unless he shows physical restraint digging into what makes her who she is, winning her mind because sex is great but fleeting. She loves a physical touch, and her body moves to every touch, but there is a difference between someone playing a song and mastering an instrument. The one she looks for can pluck the string, keep the melody and be psychologically intense. Sometimes using her against herself to mentally catch her and explain sides of herself hidden only to be discovered in the ultimate goal to own her.

It has to be more than a casual encounter; she will play, but she will remain guarded and in charge topping from the bottom chasing the Dragon until the dragon devours her......


3/28/2022 8:57:34 PM
Something must be wrong with me

I have wandered out amongst the wolves lately... I kinda knew what would happen but like everyone, I hoped for different... I hoped to find that hidden jewel standing in the shadows like I typically do, alas fools gold emerged...

In my submission the power dynamic is very important, ( I do voice this upon meeting) I think it’s taken with a grain of salt but I communicate and try to warn of my insecure Self Protective Dominant Nature... I scream that I live my vanilla life in Top Space, I live there everyday, I have responsibilities there, deadlines, decisions, must do’s and I hold myself accountable to be all things and do all things... I can be quite aggressive in this world ( I’ve learned to live in ). I’m not sure these days if I’m actually conveying this or if it’s in my head .... Like a movie that plays in the background while you are thinking or doing something else.

You say your a Dominant / Master or even Top... I say I’m looking for a part time arrangement because I’m married in an open relationship... He is not a Dominant / Master however he is my Alpha. I am given free license to fulfill my cravings as long as it doesn’t interfere with my marriage... ( I will admit pretty cool and I’m thankful) I love my Husband and I do serve him too ... not sure he understands it all the time but if it wasn’t for my submission to him, I would have ran a long time ago... He holds very strong with me and he does remind me of who is in charge...

I then advise of my personality and my need to relinquish control but that a foundation must be built with me due to needing to trust you. I advise you about my role in my everyday life... Yes there is a lot about me ( sorry I’m so complicated) Then we start to get to know one another ... You agree this can be accomplished ... (Maybe in wishful thinking, we all have periods of that) you read my journals I’m open and honest with you. I speak of my short comings honestly I understand I’m a lot to take on ... I try to be as good as possible until you start to ask me questions or speak about techniques you don’t understand .... I try to explain. What I know ... I find out you have done no research in the lifestyle and have not reached out to anyone / or attended anything. The Power Dynamic shifts due to your lack of knowledge and I become the teacher .... Things then fall apart for me, I try to rationalize you are human and give you allowances for that .... but no I have periods of top space that go unchecked ... things crumble

This is my journey ... this is why I walk away ... This is why you might see me out and then I disappear... I love this lifestyle but I will say it is the hardest thing to understand in my life... Each time this happens it takes a lot of me, leaving me empty, sad and like something is wrong with me ....

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Aug 15, 2018


10/13/2014 7:45:20 PM
Sitting in the Shadows....

She watches and looks but no one stands out… when someone does stand out he quickly disappoints her. The disappointment is not on purpose it’s the world we find ourselves in but she was taught a long time ago “Don’t make someone your priority when you are just their option”

She feels a lack of connection with most; very seldom does she find someone that ignites a flame that makes her yearn to submit. She is strong as she continues her journey everyday aware of her void that grows bigger and deeper. It is this void that makes her careful and distant with most. She takes time like a horse during breaking a need to be seen from all sides before trust can be given, sometimes she hands over her reins just to see what might happen… not very often does it work out for her and this has only been done a couple times each time makes it harder than the time before. To her the investment is important on all sides and one must invest before a return can be given.
She has been there before in the beginning as she learned of herself in this new world were it was ok to be selectively vulnerable. A vulnerability she felt ashamed to show before and is still a challenge to show, most get to see the Tomboy never getting to see the Princess… taught to be strong, emotionally solid not needy or whiny.. She was taught it was weak to ask for things but then told she needed to communicate. She made terrible decisions then and learned to protect this gift and not let it be exploited. Sometimes late at night it gets the better of her and tears fall on her pillows but then she opens her eyes to a new day and pushes on…. Why because that is what is expected of her.

This is the life she wants but it would be her biggest challenge to find vanilla no longer quenches her thirst. It stays on her mind almost every minute of everyday. She doesn't want to play she wants to be able to give herself fully and this would be the most risky proposition of her life and guarded because of its power. The same thing she longs for also has the ability to Destroy her, Mark her, Scar her and she is aware very much aware… That is why she sits in the shadows and watches.


5/18/2014 8:17:27 PM

I will not settle as I do not expect others to settle upon me or to try to change who I am to fit their ideal of the perfect mate. They can have expectations of me and I can and will compromise on somethings and as you get to know me you will quickly find out what those things are. I'm not made of my make-up or my clothes, Materials are easily gotten and easily forgotten.

I will not change someone ... I can inspire but it goes only that far.... It is a personal chioce how someone lives their life and I will not interfere with that. I don't want to lead a man I prefer to fall under his guidance. I work hard to keep my life balanced and at times wonder if this is a forgotten art. I can not be with someone who is unable to handle their life. Decisions are hard to make for all and I am not exception to this rule but I have to make them. I have to stick by them and take responsability for them when they go belly up. AS should the person I'm with. I can give input but I'm not here to give you answers. I will work with you to accomplish a goal but you have to invest yourself in that goal too.

I need to be inspired... Lets ts mundane and we all need inspiration. I am a very deep person and will pull inward at times...I need someone with the ability to push me when I need to be pushed or to pull me in and tighten the reins when I start going to far. WE all need work as life is always in continuious motion. We never stop evolving and changing. I hold high standards for myself but I need the challange of raising the bar. I need to work for your acceptance and the praise I receive. I'm of the mind set anything easy doesn't have the same sense of accomplishment for me. I have to aspire to be something of pride to hold. I want to sparkle and shine under the hands of someone who will accept no less.

I like to explore and have adventure. I need someone who has the ability to pull me from my life and show me life. Have me read a book take interest is who I am and where I'm going in life..

THe person for me will be able to wear many hats and take advantage of the many hats I'm able to wear. I will always give my best efforts. I'm strong and able to handle a lot but to feel protected. I need to feel if I have a need you will keep me secure. If I fall you will catch me. If the world gets to be too much I can hide at your feet and turn over the pain to you. If I'm wrong I will be called on it and corrected .

In return for this I will always do my best to meet and exceed your expectations.I will take the time to learn you, so not everything need comand but to anticipate what you would prefer or like. If I'm wrong I am willing to be corrected for it so I may learn on a deeper level.

 


4/3/2014 7:57:04 PM

Hello Journal this is for me to vent....


First of all does anyone really understand what a submissive is with a dominant personality? I would say a majority does not.. I can dominate myself but prefer to give my submission to someone else.... In case I didn't get this point across I choose/// Yes you either accept or deny my invitation. Your Choice... I will say I take my commitments very serious and will not just jump into something.... 


This will not happen over night... it will take time for me to turn myself completely over to anyone. I have only truly submitted for one person my whole life and it was due to his character and my unwavering respect for him.I felt safe, he molded me and trained me... I still act as I do holding my place in representation of him.I'm still very much in awe of his experience and the Master he has shown himself to be. We are great friends now and I greatly appreciate him and always look to please him even to this day. 


I type this part for some but not all in this dynamic and it has very little to do with what I will and won't do but how much I respect and trust.


 Please do not address me on your first e-mail demanding respect at that point your character and experience will speak for it's self and you will be considered to be someone who is of low moral character.It goes ohh so much deeper for me.


I'm a submissive and until I find one I will respect with time and trust to lower my walls, Again, my choice but I am no ones instant slave and I don't have to instantly trust you. 

 

This is not meant to disrespect and those of you who are like me need not to worry but those who write me in such a way to center their conversations around instant slavery or training me.Please understand I will choose to discontinue the conversation. Good luck to all I hope you find what you are looking for even through the good, bad and ugly!!!!!


Respectfully,

Princess


4/17/2011 7:46:19 AM

Every thing must start out in friendship... Within friendship connection is formed and trust started.The foundation for any relationship is started within the confines of friendship. I welcome frienship but don't welcome instant relationship. If someone comes to me with that angle I will take it as a search for something superficial.I do not do superficial I look for substance and connection. This can not be fully achieved without the foundation of friendship First .....


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GirlseekingMommy
 
 Age: 22
 Dorset, United Kingdom