Recently I tried to start dating again, and as many of you still remember or have realized, in general its a frustrating situation. Often fraught with that question of "what are you looking for" and rarely does the question come up of "What am I looking for". Recently I found myself facing this question. Well, I can't even say recently,, I've been thinking about it for quite some time. Often coming up with partial answers or ones which just seemed to fit the current site or general direction of attraction at that time. I have to question if I was even being honest to myself at these points. Maybe part of the problem wasn't that I was asking "What do I want", but that I wasn't asking "What do I need" in a partner. Mind you, gender is irrelevant in this since I've had attraction to all genders in some degree or another. All genders have their beauty if you're willing to see it. Sometimes the best way to find out where an animal wants to go or needs to be, is to take the fence down and follow it to wherever it naturally roams to. The same can be done for our thoughts. Often when we think, we limit our thoughts to just within a certain framework, similar to just changing a fencing setup around an animal. But when we freely think and let our mind wander, we often find our answers easier and those which are more true to ourselves. For me the answers which I found for what I look for, I need someone whom I can respect, adore, fear, admire, appreciate, cherish, protect and support.

     When I thought about these criteria I associated it with 2 primary things, 1: I want and need a dominant personality, and 2: I once again could be compared to a wolf-dog hybrid. In dating I've found that if I date someone who doesn't have a strong personality, I become bored. I know that I need someone to keep me in check, but for that it has to be someone who truly demands and is worthy of my respect. Just like a hybrid I need someone who steps up as Alpha, and this doesn't make it demeaning, it simply puts that person into a position where I can follow them. Just like a hybrid I'm intelligent, protective and loyal amongst other traits. Personally, I think that these are good traits for a sub, what Dom/Domme wants a dumb sub who is not loyal.

      Its interesting when I read through profiles about the people who seemingly let their fantasies become their entire profile, possibly their entire selves. This may only be my thoughts and interpretation and if you agree or disagree, by all means speak your mind. But I think that a lot of people become misled into what a truly proper Dominant and Submissive relationship is like. (although maybe some are truly like this) They make it sound as though the submissive is a mindless robot who's sole purpose in life is to be beaten, tortured or a sex toy which moves. I believe that that is the purely fantasy portion and only one which encompasses a very small window of the true culture here. I honestly believe that a good and healthy Dominant and Submissive relationship is one where there is a mutual respect and appreciation. While some people may think that the Dominant role is easy and "all you have to do is give orders and hit them occasionally", it is a difficult role. Being a Dominant doesn't make the person superhuman or some sort of emotionless robot. A Dominant and Submissive relationship is a symbiotic relationship where both people need the other person, the submissive shouldn't simply be a whipping post for the dominant person's physical venting of frustration. I always find it frustrating though when I read profiles where the way in which people write them demonstrates that they don't understand what a healthy relationship is. Maybe they've been swayed too much by porn, or reading 50 shades of gray and having their own self delusions in regard to it. Regardless of the reasoning though, I hope that they are able to find healthy relationships within this culture which we all enjoy and protect. But I think that people truly need to understand that while there is a certain relationship behind closed doors, that there is still a relationship in public, that it often isn't whips, chains and canes everywhere, that instead there is a vanilla lifestyle aspect to it. Like in any relationship there is a balance, a kink is in no way an exception, if anything its an extreme where many changes must happen for things to properly function. While the hierarchy is still present, its definitely important to have an arrangement which allows less difficulty in functioning in normal society. None the less, there is a balance to it where its not all kink all the time as some profiles we read make things seem.

I have some beliefs, that from the perspective of someone who's Dom'd only a very little, but has done a fair amount of submissive time, I have my thoughts in regard to both roles in the relationship.

For the subs reading this

-Your Master/Mistress is human, while they may not always show it, they have feelings and emotions, be supportive of them, let them lean on you to help them through their times as they would you.

-Protect your Master/Mistress, I think in the way of a hybrid dog, to always protect those whom I care about, even more so a Master/Mistress, but also be willing to protect them from themselves if they are doing something potentially foolish or self harmful

-Reward them because you want to. Its one thing for them to demand gifts, but I'm sure that they would enjoy a gift just because you appreciate them for who they are

-If you are with a Master/Mistress who does not respect you for who you are, realthough I'm sure nearly all of you know this, but my opinion just in case)

-Protect your subs, they trust you without question and sometimes need your guidance more outside of the collar and leash than in it

-Appreciate your subs, they trust you without question and want to do (the good ones at least) nothing more than to please you, keep up the rewards

-Don't be so fearful that you cannot lean on your sub, if you've chosen your sub for the right reasons, then you sholud be able to lean on them and trust them

Maybe this will all be attributed to rambling, but I find it disheartening when people approach this lifestyle as though it is simply a "check in the box" to work out of their sytem. To be able to say "yeah, I've been kinky once" and just use it like a cheap experience. For most of us here, it is a lifestyle which we chose and we enjoy and like any culture there are certain courtesies which follow it, but some people simply want the cheat sheet to play in it and then just leave. Maybe the problem is that many people simply don't understand they actual culture in regards to BDSM and kink and just the entire alternative lifestyle. Well regardless of the reason, I hope that as people enjoy the lifestyle more, that they will appreciate it for what it truly is, and become welcome additions to it who are also able to give it and the people within it, the respect which they all deserve