I refuse to be anyone's victim.
I, emphatically, believe that trust and vulnerability are the highest honor given in love and cherish those that love me and trust me. 
 I know, as does everyone, betrayal of trust and abuse of vulnerability leaves a scar even if it's just a tiny scratch.
Every scar builds and strengthens each person differently leaving some broken and unable to share what's left of them.  Others harden and pain is replaced by anger. 
Both extremes accomplish the same goal of protection.
If you're seeking a fuck-buddy or a wife... it won't be me. 
If you're here because your orgasms are fueled by and intimate fire rather than friction we already have something in common.
I don't label myself either a sadist or a masochist.  Trying to make that decision kept me from finding the truth.  Here's the truth...
My first Top experiences were anger-motivated.  I found a willing whipping post and although that sweet masochist loved every thrashing blow, I had used him. 
I left that night knowing my intentions were selfish.   
My submissive experiences, on the other hand, started slow.  Each experience left me craving further intensity. 
An arranged session with a respected Sadist quickly became an embarrassing self-discovery:  
Pain without preparation wakes a demon in me and that first unannounced bite of a single-tail was answered with a hard elbow to his chin and the offending object got a flying lesson.  I apologized and left quickly. 
 Again, with selfish motives I missed the intimacy and left angry again. 
Some lessons are hard learned but well learned. 

I crave an intimacy that surpasses anything I have experienced.  I wish to know lust without sexual context.  I yearn to find love without any expectation or end.  
What I am searching for may just be unattainable... but I look.