9/15/2011 11:51:09 PM: so again its been awhile since iv written in here. for some reason blogspot is acting stupid. keeps saying i dont have any blogs yet iv been writting in it for years. stupid site. its almost 3 am just sitting up listening to some music, smoking a cig texting a friend from here. wish i could say my moods have changed for the good over the weeks/months. i just wish i knew how to deal with this shit better then i have been. what do you do when you wake up every day and think about someone you can never have again? you try and block them out as much as you can and every attempt just fails. at least the person i knew when i was with her is dead. someone new is now in her place. not sure how to explain it but she just isnt herself. i realize for a dom to be admitting this is rather silly and undom like im sure some of you think, but meh whatever. what do you do when so many questions are left unanswered and far to many doors left wide open? i am very lost and just dont know what to do about theses questions..

12/2/2010 5:33:07 PM: so reading a message from someone on here got me in the writing mood again lol. been a stressful day at work. so im blasting some tunes and drinking some water. currently some 3 days grace, lost in you. as time has gone by, i have brief moments of clarity. then i stumble again and land on my face. but the days seem to be getting better as i keep myself busy again. i think that was my biggest problem. being around the house all the time just gave me time to think. which is never good for ones state of mind nor for the healing process. iv also come to realize i have a few good friends. the rest i need to drop like a bad habit. i owe alot of thanks to Arduinna. shes always been a really great friend of mine. regardless of how i treated her in the past. i will always be thankful for her and what she has shown me. again its still strange how the Dom mind works. i got a few messages from some 'dom's' yes i left that as 'dom's' for a reason. for one they have absoutly no clue as to what the fuck they are going on about or how ANY human mind works, Dom, sub or slave. the ones that sent me messages do not get the respect of having their name with a cap D. a slave may be a slave, but it does not mean they have no feelings or emotions what so ever. just as a Dom may act like a hard ass on the outside but when it comes down to it. we are just the same a sub or a slave. anyways thats enough for this rant. good night all

10/27/2010 3:36:10 PM: so i haven't taken the time out to write in this since iv created this new profile. figured no one reads the damn thing so why bother? but ill give it a shot. so recently my former submissive and fiance left me last month. apparently she saw something in my eyes back in april and knew it wouldnt work. lovely eh? im currently not all together still. as much as i try to be a rock for my friends and family iv been letting them down as of late. my mind is clouded and very confused right now. im not sure what im looking for anymore. just abnormalcy from the chaos thats been happening lately. just about only one friend has actually been a true friend. the last person i expected her to be. even with as much shit as she has to deal with right now with her family. she still looks after me. the mindset of any type of Dom or Domme isnt what one might think. deep down inside we are just like a submissive or slave. can easily be broken and destroyed. im sure most Doms and Dommes would never admit such a thing and would read this and love to say well you arnt a true Dom. but fuck them. its true. just when you think you have life in check. it always comes back around to give you the preverbeial bitch slap in the face to let you know you are not in control. not sure where im going with this entry exactly lol. just writing hoping that will ease some of the hurt. i dont think its working to well. i guess that will be left up to time and that old saying..time heals all wounds...