Feel free to contact Me if you are a family oriented woman that desires to be part of an M/s family and are available for a relationship regardless of the depth. You are confident but not arrogant. I appreciate women who are service oriented, self-aware and thoughtful. A woman, who is strong, yet sensitive, and not afraid to be adventurous and kinky in and outside the bedroom, embodies a balance that I find appealing, and understands that Alpha does not equate to asshole. I am open to straight, bi or hetreo-flexible. I welcome new friendships as well. If I interest you don't be shy, send me a message.
Colossians 4:1: "Masters, give unto your servants that which is just and equal; knowing that ye also have a Master in heaven."
Ephesians 6:5-9 Slaves and Masters Slaves, obey your earthly Masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of the heart, just as you would obey Christ. Obey them not only to win their favor when their eye is on you, but like slaves of Christ, doing the will of God from your heart. Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not men, because you know that the Lord will reward everyone for whatever good he does, whether he is slave or free.
And Masters, treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their Master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with Him.
1 Peter 2:18-20 Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. For it is commendable if a man bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because he is conscious of God. But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God.
Proverbs 29:19 A servant cannot be corrected by mere words; though he understands, he will not respond.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die - Author unknown.
I am a considerate and thoughtful Daddy Dominant Alpha Male that loves BDSM. I have been a Master, Owner, Sir, Dominant, Teacher, Friend, and Protector. Now I am all of these combined. I am a strong-willed man with goals and aspirations I am very family-oriented, and maintain My relationships as such. When I was 13, I had an adverse reaction to an unknown agent that left me initially paralyzed from the neck down. Through hard work and determination, I regained the use of my upper body. I use a manual wheelchair to get around and have recently started to stand. I am active, physically strong, independent and highly capable. Using a wheelchair has not changed my goals or aspirations or affected my ability to achieve them. My upper body is unusually strong and muscular. I am a powerhouse of a man but I am gentleman in spirit and like to make people laugh.
Feel free to contact Me if you are a family oriented woman that desires to be part of an M/s family and are available for a relationship regardless of depth. You are confident but not arrogant. I appreciate women who are service oriented, self-aware and thoughtful. A woman, who is strong, yet sensitive, and not afraid to be adventurous and kinky in and outside the bedroom, embodies a balance that I find appealing, and understands that Alpha does not equate to asshole. I am open to straight, bi or hetreo-flexible. I welcome new friendships as well. If I interest you don't be shy, send me a message. Face picture available per request.
Additionally, If the following paragraph doesn't resonate with you, we are not a match.
Power in Honesty Staying True to Your Word Your honest word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.
Promises are easily made. Keeping them often proves more difficult because when we are pressured to strive always for perfection, we find it simpler to agree to undertake impossible tasks than to say no. Likewise, there is an infinite array of circumstances that conspire to goad us into telling falsehoods, even when we hold a great reverence for truth. When you endeavor to consistently keep your word, however, you protect your reputation and promote yourself as someone who can be trusted to be unfailingly truthful. Though your honesty may not always endear you to others—for there will always be those who fear the truth—you can nonetheless be certain that your integrity is never tarnished by the patina of deceit. Since frankness and sincerity form the basis of all life-enriching relationships, your word is one of your most precious and powerful possessions.
When we promise more than we can deliver, hide from the consequences of our actions through falsehoods, or deny our true selves to others, we hurt those who were counting on us by proving that their faith was wrongly given. We are also hurt by the lies we tell and the promises we break. Integrity is the foundation of civilization, allowing people to live, work, and play side by side without fear or apprehension. As you cultivate honesty within yourself, you will find that your honor and reliability put people at ease. Others will feel comfortable seeking out your friendship and collaborating with you on projects of great importance, certain that their positive expectations will be met. If you do catch yourself in a lie, ask yourself what you wanted to hide and why you felt you couldn’t be truthful. And if life’s surprises prevent you from keeping your word, simply admit your error apologetically and make amends quickly.
Since the path of truth frequently represents the more difficult journey, embarking upon it builds character. You can harness the power of your word when you do your best to live a life of honesty and understand what motivates dishonesty. In keeping your agreements and embodying sincerity, you prove that you are worthy of trust and perceive values as something to be incorporated into your daily existence. ________________________________________
From the Daily OM
WARNING: Sydney University and all other institutions using this or any Adult FriendFinder site or its associated sites for projects - You do not have permission from me to use any of my profile or pictures in any form or forum both current and future. If you have or do, it will be considered a violation of my privacy and will be subject to legal action. ( I suggest the rest of you post this notice)
5/27/2014 9:43:48 PM
"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die" - Author Unknown.
9/15/2013 9:59:36 PM
Go Seahawks!!! Much respect to beating a talented Denver team.
7/15/2012 11:19:45 PM
Words of Wisdom
Affirmations
Our minds accept as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, but it can also accept our positive affirmations.
The words we speak and think hold great sway over the kind of life that we create for ourselves. Many people live their lives plagued by negative thoughts and never even realize this. They tell themselves and others that they are doomed to fail, not good enough, or not worthy of love, yet they are amazed when their reality starts reflecting these words. Just as the subconscious mind accepts as truth the critical statements we tell ourselves, however, it is also equipped to instantly accept the veracity of our affirmations.
Affirmations are statements chosen and spoken consciously. Once they enter our realm of consciousness, they also enter our subconscious mind where they have the power to change our lives. The affirmations you create should be specific, not too long, worded positively, formed in complete sentences, and spoken in the present tense as if what you are affirming is already true. It is a good idea to repeat your affirmations daily. You may want to tell yourself that you deserve to be happy or that you are in control of your destiny. Or, you may want to focus on a particular goal, such as attracting new friends. Rather than telling yourself you want to be well-liked, say, “I am well-liked.” Your subconscious mind will pick up on these positive messages, and you will begin to live your life as if what you are affirming already has happened. Soon, your reality will begin to reflect your affirmations. If you find that you are thwarting yourself with negative thinking, try repeating ! your affirmations several times a day. Write your affirmations down and say them aloud or in your mind. Allow your conviction to grow stronger each time you say your affirmations, and your negativity will be overridden by your motivation and positive thoughts.
Affirmations are a powerful tool for creating our desired reality. We consciously and subconsciously invite opportunity into our lives when we say affirmations. Trust in the power of your affirmations, and you will very quickly create what you have already stated to be true.
www.dailyom.com
6/11/2012 9:31:29 PM
Mastery is....
Mastery is Creation...Mastery is not about destruction
Mastery is Love...Mastery is not about hate
Mastery is Patience...Mastery is not about impatience
Mastery is Correction...Mastery is not about punishment
Mastery is Beginnings...Mastery is not about endings
Mastery is Humility...Mastery is not about arrogance
Mastery is Selfless...Mastery is not about selfishness
Mastery is Light...Mastery is not about darkness
Mastery is Directional...Mastery is not about confusion
Mastery is Excellence...Mastery is not about perfection
Mastery is Courageous...Mastery is not about fearfulness
Mastery is Openness...Mastery is not about being closed
Mastery is Communication...Mastery is not about silence
Mastery is Heat...Mastery is not about being cold
Mastery is Passion...Mastery is not about being heartless
Mastery is Knowledge..Mastery is not about assumption
Mastery is Strength...Mastery is not about weakness
Mastery is Expansion...Mastery is not about reduction
Mastery is Education...Mastery is not about ignorance
Mastery is Fluid..Mastery is not about being rigid
Mastery is Happiness...Mastery is not about sadness
Mastery is Faith..That was learned from mistakes
(C) Aug 8, 2009 CL
6/11/2012 9:20:27 PM
Although the relationship was temporary, the lesson remains....
A Turtle on His back
I must say that I usually feel invincible, but every now and then I get a reality check. Yesterday was one of those days. I returned home from a errand with My slave and hit a crack in the concrete. I have small wheels on My wheelchair, and while they are great for speed, they suck going over large cracks as they can get stuck in them. Last night was one of those times. My front wheel hit the crack and My chair stopped completely. I however, due to My momentum didn't stop until I hit the concrete ankle first. Like the turtle on it's back, I could move, but I was stuck. My slave then proceeded as most would to ask Me what happened. I really was not in the mood to answer questions as I just wanted to get back in My chair. I am a big Man, 6'3" 240 and My chair weighs 25 pounds. I can move it by simply sneezing, so trying to use it for leverage was a challenge. My slave did her best to hold My chair, but it was a huge struggle for her due to My size and strength. Working together with her, I eventually got back into My chair. I was frustrated from falling out, and My slave was clearly shaken from the experience, as it is her nature to help and this was a struggle for her. After We arrived home, I realized My landing sprained My ankle. So now I have to allow it to heal before I can stand or crawl again. I know our "human" moments shape and mold Us, and I will spin this to make Myself better, however I am quite frustrated for the moment, but I am blessed to have such a supportive slave. We all fall eventually, however it is how we get up that defines Us.
6/11/2012 9:13:45 PM
Two Wolves
Native American parable:
Two Wolves - A Cherokee Parable An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life... "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. "One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. "This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too." The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."
6/10/2012 4:01:44 AM
I gave My first sounding tonight and loved it. It creates a whole different type of orgasm in a woman. I look forward to doing it again.
6/9/2012 1:49:04 AM
What is a Daddy Dom:
People ask, What is a Daddy Dom? Well, to start with, a Daddy Dom is first and foremost a Dominant. His choice is to be a Daddy Dom, this does not mean incest (as has been said in the past by ignorant people) rather a Daddy Dom is One who cares for, nurtures, shapes, and molds his baby girl into the image He thinks she should become. He sees in her someone who can achieve a much higher, much greater status. He often times believes more in her, than she believes in herself.
His love for his baby girl goes without question. He loves her as much for whom she is, as for what she can become with His guidance. she is ...... His prized possession, a Daddy's eyes will light up when she comes into a room and take great pride in her success's. After all, He helped to create her. She holds the tenderest part of His heart and has greatest power to hurt Him.
This love would not be possible without respect. A Daddy Dom needs to feel pride in his lil girl. He needs to know she can hold her own in the outside world and still submit to Him. He holds the greatest respect for the gift she has given Him and takes great pains to increase its value. It is extremely important to Him to know she can be with any man and she chooses to be with Him.
He knows that this makes discipline a priority in their lives, His discipline is more important than in some other D/s relationships. In order for the lil girl to really trust, she must know He means what He says. If His lil girl is going to be the best she can possibly be He must stand firm. He uses his experience in life and His knowledge of her to provide proper direction and correction when the need arises. If He does not enforce discipline, this respect becomes a tenuous thing. If His submissive finds that she can manipulate Him out of correcting her, she begins to lose respect and the ability to empower becomes impeded. He understands that it becomes increasingly difficult to be possessed by someone you do not respect.
This takes great strength on His part. It takes strength to control her, and to shape her to His needs and desires. It takes strength to be her confidant, her shoulder, her anchor. It takes strength to let her out into the world when all He wants to do is hold her safe in His arms. And it takes strength to do what is necessary when she needs to be disciplined.
A Daddy Dom provides something else that is very important to His submissive...acceptance. She is safe in His arms because He knows her, everything about her, and He still loves her. When she goes to Him she knows that this Man knows all of her dirty little secrets and it doesn't matter. To Him she is and always will be beautiful.
Daddy Dom and sadistic Dom are by no means mutually exclusive. Many Daddy Doms embrace their sadism while understanding and feeding their submissive's masochism. This balance is necessary to many lil girls because it allows all parts of her to be nourished, leading to an incredibly fulfilling relationship. I think most Dominants have a bit of the Daddy in them; taking on the role of Male authority figure in the submissive's life and using their power to enrich that life. Daddy/lilgirl verbalizes that feeling, and adds a dimension of warmth, caring, and ritual that it's participants crave. Perhaps a Daddy Dom is something only a lil girl can understand
A Daddy Dom is the tenderest of all Dominants. He loves His adult little one with an undying passion. He always has his submissive's best interest in mind, even when it conflicts with his personal desires. That doesn't mean that he gives into her every whim. There can be a huge difference in her desires and her real needs. He has to be able to make that sacrifice for her if needed. And yes, at times he does correct her. This usually hurts him just as much if not more than her, but he will always do what's best for her. He helps her set and reach her goals in life, not just in the lifestyle. He will help her improve herself to be the best she can be, not for HIM but for her! He's not just looking to make her a better submissive, but a better person in general. He becomes many things in her life, a mentor, a teacher, a protector, a guide, AND a lover! He offers her what she needs most of all, unconditional love and acceptance. He is consistent in his actions so that she knows what to expect from him, she knows she can depend on him! He wants nothing more than to pull her close and protect her from the cruel world. But knowing all along that he can't! SO it is up to him to prepare her for whatever life may bring her way, and be there to comfort her when things go wrong. Knowing she will run to him when she becomes overwhelmed or frighten by the harshness of life. The Daddy Dom listens to all her fears and concerns, knowing no matter how silly or childish they may sound to him, to her they are real and he will help her confront them. He slays her dragons so to speak and he is her "Knight in Shining Armor". The Daddy Dom hears all her dreams, desires and all the dirty little secrets, and smiles because she is bold enough and love him enough to open herself up so totally to him. He kisses her face and holds her close letting her know she is loved no matter what. she is His little one, and he loves her unconditionally. There is nothing more satisfying to him than to see her succeed, to watch as she grows as a person. He revels in her daily accomplishments almost as much as she does herself. He will cuddle her and show her the tenderness she craves when she needs it., when she feels unsure of herself he will whisper encouraging words for her. When she feels ugly he will reassure her how beautiful she is to him ... when she is scared he will be her safety net, her medium against the world if need be. She is his pride and joy his main comfort in life his reason for living. His pride in her shows in the tender loving way he cares for her, he is the only one for her, her Daddy! I found this online and this is a good explanation of Me and what being a Daddy type Master does for Me. I am also a Sadist (Not an extreme one however,) and need to give and share My pain. It is one of the ways I communicate. So any slave that considers Me as an Owner should have some masochistic tendencies.
Definition From http://strctdaddy.com/Discipline_Inc/Definitions.html
8/16/2009 11:38:39 PM
The Fourth Agreement
Always
do your best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it
will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick.
Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
~Don Miguel Ruiz
8/16/2009 11:37:10 PM
The Third Agreement
Don't
make assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and express what
you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid
misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement you
can completely transform your life.
~Don Miguel Ruiz
7/29/2009 6:41:34 PM
The Second Agreement
Don't take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you.
What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own
dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you
won't be the victim of needless suffering.
~Don Miguel Ruiz
7/25/2009 3:11:39 PM
The Ceremony of the Roses
This was shared with Me by one of My spirit guides(thank you
peacelili), while due to the times caution must be taken with blood,
with a few modifications this ceremony could be done without losing any
of its significance.
The Ceremony of the Roses
The formal lifestyle is filled with traditions and ceremonies that
are seldom witnessed by the outside world and perhaps one of the most
moving and meaningful is the "bonding ritual" or Ceremony of the Roses.
This ceremony is steeped in symbolism and mystique that dates back for
centuries. Here is a brief description of what it involves and means.
An Eternal Bond
A couple who has decided to remain together for the duration of
their lives and beyond will often opt for this ritual as a symbolic
statement of their eternal commitment. It is sometimes used to renew a
relationship that has gone through a difficult time and survived the
test. There are many variations and couples often choose to add special
touches to make it uniquely theirs.
The ceremony is never public. Most often only the couple and one or
two of their closest associates attend. The submissive carries a single
white rose, not quite in full bloom. The Dominant holds a single red
rose that is opened almost fully. Both roses must have thorns on their
stems and be freshly cut. To perform two other parts of this ritual, a
6-8 foot length of light chain is also required along with several
candles or an alcohol burner (or other liquid fuel , such as a good
serving dish might use).
The couple, along with one or two of their closest friends, stands
facing each other. The submissive, wearing a simple dress, holds her
single white rose. Her Dominant, holding his red rose, removes her
collar. He passes it quickly through the flames of a small burner and
returns it to her neck. As he fastens it securely, he makes a
declaration to her that he will protect and guide her for all of
eternity.
With a thorn on the stem of his red rose, he pricks her middle
finger and lets two drops of blood fall on the white petals of her
rose. She then offers the thorns of her rose to him and he pricks his
own finger. He lets two drops fall to her rose, one alone and one on
top of a drop of hers. The two then press their fingers together and
make their vows to be joined by blood.
Their witnesses or friends take a length of light-weight chain and
pass it quickly though the flame and wrap it around the couple. They
again make their vows to be bound by their souls for eternity. The
roses are touched together, letting the blood from hers kiss his, and
are then exchanged. The chain is removed and wrapped carefully in a
cloth to be given to the couple when the ceremony has ended. The roses
are put into a single vase and will later be taken to their private
chamber to remain as a reminder to them as they contemplate their new
bond that night while joining their bodies.
In the morning, they share their hopes and dreams of being together
for eternity and pluck the petals from the roses to place them in a
container together. These petals are kept for the lifetime of the
couple and a portion of them are buried with each in death. The chain
is passed down in the family or given to an honored friend who will use
it in their own bonding ceremony.
The Symbolism Revealed
The significance of the roses:
The white rose, still not in full bloom, symbolizes her submission.
The white color represents the purity of her gift, while the still
slightly closed petals show that her submission has not come into full
bloom. It never will. Submission is ever deepening, ever growing and
the submissive will never reach a place where she cannot open a bit
more for her Dominant.
The red rose, almost fully open, signifies his dominance. The red
represents his passion and desire to posses and protect her at all
costs, though it may require him to spill his blood to do so. The rose
is almost in full bloom to symbolize that he is ready and mature enough
to accept the responsibilities required of him.
The significance of passing the collar though the flames:
In older times, the collar would have been made of metal and heated
to a glow and plunged into cold water to temper it after it was burned
of all impurities. This action symbolized the removing of all
impurities from the circle of ownership provided by the Dominant. All
outside influences are burned away in the heat of his desire to protect
and defend his submissive. The tempering of the metal that takes place
when plunged into cold water shows the strengthening of their
commitment by submersion into the waters of life. Today we only
symbolize this by passing the collar quickly though the flame, taking
care not to damage it. (Note: The use of an alcohol burner in place of
a candle prevents any carbon residue from getting on the collar,
although there will probably be none if the action is performed quickly
enough.)
The significance of the blood:
Pricking the finger of the submissive is symbolic of taking her
virginity. She has shed blood to give herself completely to him. The
drops on the white rose also speak of the same thing.
In pricking his own finger, the dominant shows his willingness to
shed his blood to protect and defend her by virtue of his ownership.
The drops on her rose show that vividly; the drop that falls on her
blood covers it and blends with it, thus indicating their union.
Pressing the wounds from the thorns together allows their blood to
mix, joining them as strongly as their own family blood-lines. They are
now of the same flesh and blood.
Exchanging the roses is symbolic of their gift of themselves to each other.
The significance of the chain:
The chain is a series of links that represent all the events that
have led them to be joined. Each one interlocks with another to
complete the chain. Passing it through the flame symbolizes the
purification of all the events in their time together as well as their
pasts. All bad things are burned away into forgetfulness and only the
good remains. Wrapping the chain around them gives a visual image of
the binding together of two souls into one. This chain is never used
for anything again, other than in a similar ceremony by the person who
receives this chain as a gift. They are often passed down for decades
or even centuries and are honored by those fortunate enough to receive
such a gift.
The significance of the petals:
The mixture of the petals signifies the mixing and blending of their
lives. Couples often keep them in a decorative jar, once the petals
have dried completely. Upon death, a portion of those petals are placed
with the body to show a bond that will extend beyond the grave. Many
legends are told of roses that have sprung up on the graves of couples
who have loved so strongly during their physical lifetime that even in
death they sent back evidence of their everlasting love in the form of
roses that bloom again on the graves.
7/25/2009 12:30:47 PM
The First Agreement
Be impeccable with your word. Speak with integrity. Say only what you
mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about
others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
~Don Miguel Ruiz
7/12/2009 9:33:28 PM
The Collar
The collar is perhaps the most powerful and enduring image
in BDSM. It is a symbol of connection, belonging, love, lust, desire,
ownership, submission, Dominance, unity, restriction, freedom, consent,
security, passion, control, surrender and yet so much more.
I am a Master that is seeking My little one that I will
collar. I know that she is seeking Me as well. We/we will find an instant
connection from day one that will grow stronger every day. A slave once told Me
that slaves’ have radar. They know if they want to serve you within 48 hours of
meeting you. Sometimes a little one can surprise you by offering her collar to
You, before You ask her to be Yours. While sometimes this is only the result of
a moment of passion, I found Myself both honored and humbled by this
experience. A little one managed to flip the script on Me, when this is done
out of love instead of desire she can obtain My collar as well as collaring My
heart. All this Masterly control that I have and I will have willingly surrendered
My heart to her. She will obey Me without question as she knows that I can and
will move mountains for her. So this Master collared his slave and His slave
collared her Master. For Me to accept her submission to Me, I had to submit to
her. So I must conclude the when the relationship is based on love, respect,
honor and the uniting of two beings in to one, a mutual collaring occurs. It
takes a very strong woman with a powerful submission for this to occur, as well
as a Master that is strong and secure enough in His dominance to trust His
little one with His heart. A little one can school a Master. What a blessing
she will be to Me.
7/7/2009 10:14:34 PM
The Link
My dearest submissive,
Here We/we are apart,
Feeling matters of the heart,
And though you’re far away,
In My heart you will always stay,
When I hear you cry,
It hurts Me, and I miss you,
I always look to the sky,
And receive the strength to love and kiss you,
I wish you were here,
So I can take away your fear,
you will never be alone,
With Me you are always home,
You said you feel lost,
But with Me you are found,
Don’t stray little one,
For My love is always around,
My back is strong,
I can move mountains for you,
And take away whatever is wrong,
The chain on your wrists, the collar on your neck,
is connected to My heart,
We/we will always be together little one,
And will never be apart.
5/25/2009 8:17:14 PM
Daddy’s Love
A Daddy corrects a Daddy protects,
A Daddy will fall, but will rise again tall,
His little girl may waver, but with her Daddy she will find
favor,
she is his little dove that He will always love,
A Daddy’s pleasure that He will always treasure,
And while she may whine from time to time, she is Daddy’s
fine wine,
For when she is sappy she makes her Daddy happy,
And she should feel free to cry, for she is the apple of
Daddy’s eye,
No matter where she may land, Daddy will always hold her
hand,
When apart Daddy will miss you, but when together He will
kiss you,
The pain Daddy feels is here to stay, but when you are with
Daddy, it all goes away,
Should you ever fall weak, Daddy will hold you whenever you
sleep,
Daddy will protect you from worldly harms,
Come here babygirl, and snuggle in Daddy’s arms.
Warm Regards,
CL
May 4, 2009
5/25/2009 2:22:58 PM
The
"Acid Tests" guide for potential Dominants
*Introduction*
The term 'Acid Test' is an old prospecting term.. A powerful acid can dissolve
most base metals in a matter of minutes. However, gold will stand up to most
acids. So the 'Acid Test' was an easy way for people to make sure they had a
real nugget of gold and not a lump of the 'fool's' variety. In the same way,
these tests are meant to be quick ways to identify fake Dom's.
Passing all these tests is no guarantee either, there is no replacement for
getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible BEFORE YOU EVEN
MEET IN PERSON.
Now most of these tests are designed in mind for a submissive female trying to
sort through men claiming to be Dom's online. They are largely based on the
many questions I get asked by my female friends still searching for a Dominant
partner. Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for the
most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male fakes. Vanilla males are
usually after 'easy sex' and this motive makes them easier to identify than a
lot of the fake Domme's out there.
*Step One: Do the Math*
Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true (i.e. natural) male
sexual Dominants to female sexual submissive's at about one to ten. However, a
quick count in any given BDSM oriented chat room would lead you to believe that
male Dom's outnumber the subs at about two to one. Now if there is actually
only one male Dom for every ten female subs, that means
that 19 out of the 20 "Doms" you see online HAVE TO BE FAKES. Keep
this in mind. There is a 95% chance that any man you talk to online claiming to
be a Dom is no such thing. This leads us to our first rule, a rule that all
statisticians and scientists already know by heart: "When in doubt, throw
it out!"
Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you are seeking a
serious long term relationship as well) could easily take years. That's hardly
surprising, most people spend years looking for that special lover, be they 'vanilla'
or otherwise. So don't be disheartened by all these drastic ratios. BUT DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME either. If any
of the prospects you are chatting with online makes you feel uncomfortable for
any reason, drop him. Don't give him 'three strikes' or 'extra chances to win.'
Block out his screen-name and move on. There was only a one in twenty chance he
was legitimate anyway. Trust your instincts!
*Step Two: Know Your Enemy *
We call them Snerts. We call them HNG's (Horny Net Geeks). We call them Wannabes.
We call them Control Freaks. And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that
can only be called rapists and predators. They are all your ENEMY. Don't bother
thinking they are anything less. Even a more or less well meaning Snert can
land you in a hospital. Sexual Dominance and
submission is not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, no, and never! Even if he
turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he's not a Dom, he's not going to
give you what you really need, and he will likely give you many things you
don't (like medical bills and other assorted headaches).
Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are counting on the (highly
inaccurate) assumption that sexual submissive's are simply 'easy lays.' Nothing
could be farther from the truth, but that doesn't deter them at all. They are
typically middle aged to somewhat older men. They are often married. They are
usually trying to bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives
with some casual screwing around. They target submissive's because they think
that they won't make demands on their sexual prowess (another bad assumption).
They can be easily spotted because they almost always demand or at least
emphasize sexual intercourse being a part of their 'scenes.'
HNG's are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most annoying) of the
enemy types. Most are teenagers and young men looking for some quick cyber-sex
or even phone-sex. They are usually pretty sophisticated about their BDSM
jargon and the 'scenes' they describe to you can be pretty elaborate. Geeks do
their homework. They scour the porno sites for ideas, and hang out in BDSM
chats for hours on end learning the 'lingo.' The are most easily spotted
because they want to move on to cyber-sex and phone sex very quickly. They like
to offer online collars, and spend hours on end in chat rooms 'playing' with
their 'subbies.' Don't waste your time with them.
The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak. Control freaks
are what most psychologists and therapists call 'controlling personalities.'
They are the type of person that wants to be in control of everything around
them. They want all their family and friends to behave exactly as they say.
They are extremely manipulative people. These men can be dangerous because many
really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as a way to justif y
their dysfunctional lives. Many inexperienced submissive's find themselves
'naturally' attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so 'in command'
of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad) thing is, a
controlling personality is actually the closest thing to the OPPOSITE of a
sexual Dominant.
Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about 'taking care of
you' and also 'knowing what's best for you.' They almost always try to play on
your emotions; especially guilt. They also usually criticize and even resent
the advice you get from other people. They often talk about 24/7 D/s
relationships without going into any details about what kind of actual scenes
they play. They are fond of telling you that they prefer the 'mental aspect' of
Domination and submission. They tend to be both demanding and argumentative.
Nothing you do will ever be 'quite right.' While all this may seem very
repulsive and easy to avoid, be on your guard, the average control f reak often
seems very charming initially. Once they have their 'hooks' into you its very
hard to get untangled.
The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or predator. These are
the men most likely to damage or even end your life. The truly frightening
thing about these evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them. Rapists
can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone from family members to
total strangers. One in four women has suffered an attack
from this vile creature, and one in seven men as well! There motive is
violence. The best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable.
To defend yourself from predators, learn all the ins and outs of setting up a
good Safety Net. Follow these procedures religiously. Most important of all
TAKE YOUR TIME getting to know your prospective play partners. This is good
advice in any case.. If you know your partner well, you're more likely to have
a good time with him (because you will feel more comfortable during
that first scene). Predators are more likely to move on in search of easy prey,
they do tend to be impulsive. If a 'dom' you have been talking too suddenly
seems to loose interest in you after a period of time, you may have just saved
your own life. Don't go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need to play
'hard to get.'
*Step 3: Know your goal! *
Take the time to figure out what you want. It's often hard for newbie subs to
do this because sometimes they lack knowledge of what choices are available to
them. SO ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE! There are many fine publications, books, and
internet websites that cater to sexual submissives. So start reading! Learn
about the different types of play and how they should be conducted. Learn
everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net. Learn all the do's and
don'ts of meeting others and playing safely.. Decide what your Limits are and
set them down on paper. This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the name
of fun, but also keep
in mind that that it's YOUR ass that's (literally) on the line here.
Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably a sexual submissive
because you ARE in control the rest of the time. You are strong! Likely even
ambitious as well. You have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands
this high level of energy and control. So giving away your control is a
beautiful respite from everyday life. Your power and energy are things you only
want to give to someone you trust, and in intimate situations at that. It's a
very personal thing to you!
Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of this. We are
strong people too, and we do tend to be intelligent. We are often highly
trained professionals or skilled craftsmen. However, we tend to avoid
lifestyles and careers that demand we be in control all t he time. We tend to
be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even heard of, an uptight sexual
Dominant. We like being in control in INTIMATE situations. It's a respite from
the way we live OUR everyday lives. We are not really the opposite of you, but
we are the 'puzzle piece' that fits next to you snugly. In another words, don't
look for a Dom that's exactly like you. You won't
find him. Don't look for a Dom that wants to run your whole life; he doesn't exist.
ABOVE ALL, if you're prospective Dom seems
like a generally 'nice guy' you're likely on the right track! Take the time to
get to know him. Don't let the five control freaks on the other side of the
chat room demand your attention. A natural Dom isn't likely to make demands
until its time to
play.
*Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests! *
Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don't waste your time with people that
make you feel uncomfortable. Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality
makes you feel uncomfortable, he's not going to be fun to play with.
Test #2: "You'd better call me Sir!" is the mating call of a HNG or
control freak. Real Dom's don't have to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real
Dom's will say things like "please, call me Mike…"
Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you play with me." This
is another common demand of fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have
to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes a little ole
"cyber-collar" is just the thing! Cyber-collars are worth less than
the leather required to make one.
Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something like "On your
knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore, etc.]" This is the mating call of
the HNG. Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody that's not
even polite? There's a time and a place for these endearing terms, and it isn't
online!
Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!" or "It's not
proper etiquette for you to ask a Master that." are examples of some the
dangerous LIES that control freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I
personally think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to at least TRY and answer every question you
have, and HONESTLY at that! It's literally your ass that's on the line! Never
forget this!
Test #6: "Its my way or the highway!" or words to that effect, are
the mating cry of the common control freak. Dom's can have Limits too, but its
your Limits that count FIRST. Don't let any would-be 'dom' tell you differently.
Don't let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either.
Where Male Dom/Fem sub play is concerned, it's ALWAYS LADY'S CHOICE!
Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't make decisions about a
prospective partner based on his online play style. It's a very simple test if
you think about it: would a real life Dominant waste time on cyber sex? Please
take my word for it; the answer is NO. Forget it, once you've done the real
thing, cyber is just too damn dull.
Test #8: Ask your prospect if he's ever made any mistakes during a scene. If he
says 'no,' run for your life! If he says, 'very rarely,' at least be
suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are experienced players.
Sometimes submissives have Limits they don't even know about, and even the most
careful and skilled Dom the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember,
according to our good friends of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy to
walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So expect competence,
but not miracles.
Test #9: "I'm a bank president, captain of industry, combat photographer,
self-made millionaire… yadda yadda yadda.]" Wouldn't it be nice to meet a
rich Dom too? Sure it would! But use some common sense too. How many captains
of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat room? Also, thinkabout this
personality profile; if this super successful, always-in-control
person is really into D/s, he's likely a submissive! Worse yet, it could very
likely mean he is a control freak. I have met a lot of female submissives that
fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom yet!
Test #10: "I'm 33 years old, and I've been a Master for 15 years."
Gimme a break! What are the odds? When you ask about a Dom's level of
experience (and its a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well. 18
year old boys don't care about the intricacies of D/s; they want to get laid.
Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18 year old boy once! I personally
believe that people do become what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub)
very early in life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master. What are
the odds a person became a Master when they were still using Clearasil?
Test #11: Ask for references! Especially if he claims to be 'very experienced.'
Talk to the references ON THE PHONE. Lots of HNG's have female screen-names set
up to act as 'references' for them! I notice that a lot of newbies seem to have
trouble with this concept.. Which is understandable since in the vanilla world
it's considered rude to talk to a guy's ex-girlfriend. But in the BDSM Scene
its the opposite, experienced players will accept and accommodate this kind of
request gladly.
Test #12: "I have three real life collared slaves right now, but you can't
talk to them." Okay, when you consider the ratio and all, this sounds
possible. What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at that) is
the last part. I have met couples (and even triples) that really were looking
for an extra person to add to the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the
Scene. But these couples were looking TOGETHER. If a 'dom' has anyone already
collared to them, you probably ought to talk to her FIRST!
Test #13: "I don't need safe words." Well of course he doesn't! If he
said this he's likely a snert and therefore he's never really bee n in a scene!
Of course he might be a predator too, and then he wouldn't need safewords
either. Need I say more?
Test #14: "My slaves trust me to set their Limits for them." If you
hear a "dom" say this it's most likely because these slaves only
exist in his mind. Or worse still, his 'slave' is simply the victim of spouse
abuse. Even so called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and other sorts of 24/7 (i.e.
full time) BDSM relationships should involve careful and thorough negotiation.
Test #15: "I'm Married, my wife can't know about us" If I have to
explain this one too you, you've got problems. I have played with many married
submissive's in my time, but ONLY with the express permission (and more often
than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe BDSM requires complete
honesty. You can't build a good Scene on lies. There are plenty of people that
will be willing to tell you differently; but please note, they will all turn
out to be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves.
Test #16: Insert your own Acid Test here. You will learn much from your
mistakes and missteps. If you form an online contact with a "Dom"
that falls through, analyze WHY it fell through. Don't make the same mistakes
twice if you can help it.
*Step 5: It's not just the men you have to screen! *
Finding some female submissives to be buddies with you on your quest is a very
good idea. Especially if they are experienced players; they can give you unique
perspectives, emotional support, and even references to legitimate Dom's to
play with. They can also, most importantly, provide a Safety Net for you during
those first meetings with the men you meet. The benefits of teaming up with
other women in your search should be obvious! However, be just as cautious
about what you hear from other women online as well. If you are so inclined to
search for a Domme for instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well. Be
very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to be submissives as
well. There are a great number of female HNG's who live their BDSM lifestyle in
the vacuum of cyber-space. Their advice and experiences are not only useless in
the real world, they can be dangerous. Another class of "female
enemy" is even more tragic and dangerous; the Victim.
A Victim is just that; a victim of physical and/or mental abuse that uses BDSM
as an excuse to continue denying the reality of her tragic situation. These
people are disturbingly common as well. They are dangerous to you too! These
women are not just full of very dangerous advice, but they are usually very
vehement about telling you that their lifestyle is the only "real
BDSM." They can fill your head full of doubts faster than one of the male
enemy types.
Spare little sympathy, tell them to get help, and stay the heck away from them
(in exactly this order). It may seem mercenary, but it is in fact the right
thing to do. This is my training as a CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse)
volunteer talking. An abuse victim can only save herself, and then only when
she is ready to do so. If you let her vent her frustrations and fears on you,
she will then go back to her familiar little hell, leaving you emotionally drained
and likely scared too. Your quest for safe play partners is going to be tough
enough as it is. Avoid Victims completely if you can, and if you can't, urge
them to get help. It's not your job to save the
world, keeping yourself safe and happy is enough work.
*In Closing*
This all seems like a lot of work. It is. Some of it sounds awfully scary too.
It should. So why bother with this quest at all? Why not just stick "cyber
only" in your profile and forget real life BDSM? Why not just drop it all
together? I can give you only one good reason; when it is done safely, and it
suits your needs, it can be the one of the most profoundly fulfilling
experiences in your life! I used to cringe at terms like " sex
magic," but now that I know the spells, I'm an unabashed Wizard! Besides,
any student of psychology can tell you that denial has its own dangers too. The
easy roads are not the ones that lead to interesting places. So arm yourself
with
knowledge, find yourself some trustworthy friends to share the journey, and
start walking. Just don't forget to bring your Acid Tests too!
*(c)DrSpankenstein@AOL.com*
Reprinted with permission
10/8/2008 6:12:02 PM
A slave will never be truly happy or content in her life if
she is un-owned. A slave's most profound freedom is found within her Master's
chains. Within these chains, she is free to live as she is destined to live to
serve and please, and to be pleased in return for the privilege to serve and
please her Master.
A slave should never think of herself as a weak person for it takes a strong
female to commit to the drive inside her, to serve, to obey and to please a
Master.
A slave chooses willingly to be her Master's property. As a slave is her
Master's property and an object of great value she is an instrument Master will
use to draw out His pleasures.
Above all else a slave's primary and foremost focus shall be to please her
Master, hoping that her Master finds her pleasing in all that she does, whether
she is in her Master's presence or not. All of a slave's choices shall be based
upon whether or not they will please her Master. A slave and a slave's behavior
are a direct reflection and representation on her Master.
When a slave is not in the presence of her Master and has choices to make - the
slave will perform them to the best of her abilities and within the boundaries
and guidance as her Master has allowed her.
A slave is always in submission to her Master whether her Master is present or
not, ready to please her Master at anytime, in any place, under any
circumstances, regardless of who may be present.
Unless a slave is privileged, that her Master, has specifically granted her a
privilege, a slave has no rights, within her service to her Master. A slave may
however be granted the privilege of a "voice" by her Master. All
granted privileges and “voices”, may be withdrawn at the Masters sole
discretion.
As a slave no rights, other than what her Master grants or privileges her, a
slave shall ask permission of her Master, for anything she does, or to satisfy
whatever need she might have before acting on it.
A slave is a slave by the most literal definition of that word. A slave with
any rights whatsoever is not a slave; an owner who does not own a slave
completely, does not own the slave at all.
Only in absolute bondage and slavery, with complete and total submission,
obedience and respect to her Master, shall a slave fulfill her potential and
destiny. Through discipline and punishment shall a slave learn to behave,
submit, obey and please.
As a slave is her Masters absolute and unconditional property, a slave shall
not have any limits of her own nor shall the slave ever place any restrictions
upon her Master. A slave shall ultimately adopt to the boundaries set for her
by her Master.
It is the Masters sole responsibility to train, educate, mold and shape his
slave according to His needs and desires, and therefore set the limits,
boundaries and slave rules for His slave in accordance with His judgment.
The needs of a slave's Master must always come first before the slave's own for
they offer an opportunity to please her Master.
A slave's greatest felt satisfaction is realized when she knows she has pleased
her Master. There can be no greater pain or suffering a slave can feel then
when Master is not pleased with her.
A slave's Master has the final decisions in all matters and issues, as a slave
is her Master's slave and property and must trust in the wisdom, judgment and
fairness of her Master in all matters, whether she understands, realizes or
agrees with her Masters decision at any particular time or not.
As her Master's slave and property, a slave shall not and cannot release
herself, from the duties, collar and/or service to her Master, without her
Master's explicit approval and permission.
A slave is therefore not free to release herself from her collar and leave her
Master at any time without disgrace and shame and the fear of permanently
losing her Master.
A slave must realize that her service as slave and property to her Master, as
well as the acceptance of any and all slave rules, orders, commands and wishes,
is the direct result of her consensual agreement that she has petitioned and
entered strictly voluntary, as such are her deepest desires, wishes and needs.
A slave shall be her Master's property and slave in the most
strict sense - absolute, completely and unconditional, for as long as her
Master chooses and the arrangement continues to be managed and controlled in
the manner which is beneficial to her Master and in accordance with their
mutually shared natures.
A slave shall never ever think of, confuse, entitle, speak of, categorize,
and/or portray any and all activities, play scenes, disciplinary measures,
punishments, orders and/or commands within her service and duty as slave and
property of her Master, as "abuse" or "abusive". Not to
herself, her Master, or to any other person, as she is her Master's slave and
property.
As a slave is her Master's property, a Master is completely responsible for His
slave's behavior, action and deed, care and safety, health and wellbeing -
physically and mentally, and ultimately her life in accordance with God's Law,
and her Masters values, standards and principles.
We will deal with these aspects of the slaves guidelines
individually.
1. Self-Awareness & Personal Growth:
My first duty is to myself. Without a healthy amount of self-respect and a firm
belief in the validity of my choices, I can be of no use to anyone,
particularly my Owner. I will remember that slavery is not about low
self-esteem or self-deprecation. It’s not about avoiding life’s
responsibilities at another’s expense. It’s not about being or becoming a less
intelligent person; rather it is about putting those qualities to his best use.
I must do my best to preserve and expand my emotional health, maintain my sense
of clarity and purpose, and uphold my willingness to carry on despite mistakes.
I must be aware of my strengths and talents, and must gladly offer them to my
Master for His own purposes. From the most exhilarating sexual experience to
the most mundane task, whatever I do should be geared toward the growth of the
relationship and my personal growth within it. I must always be willing to
learn and expand my horizons for the betterment of the relationship. I am not
victim and I can never be productive by thinking in those terms. I must accept
responsibility for my behavior alone. My training is not designed to create the
perfect Master, but instead to transform me into the ideal slave. This thought
should remain foremost in my mind. My Master may still seek my opinions, and
when asked, I will offer them with honesty. In all cases I must remember that
as valuable as I consider my counsel to be, in the end, only my Master can
determine its importance. My duty is to honor His choices and express gratitude
for the small part I may have played in them.
2. Service:
Becoming a good slave is a challenging aspiration, and one that requires practice
and perseverance. Everything I do in the context of the relationship is meant
to be of service. Whether His mood is lenient or strict, demanding or relaxed,
my Master expects me to serve Him in any number of ways, and at His
convenience. It is my duty is to be aware of my Masters comfort, familiarize
myself with His needs, His routines, His habits and His passions - and learn
how best to accommodate them. Those needs that aren't anticipated should be
carried out instantly. Service should not draw attention to itself. It is meant
to be unobtrusive, yet always available. My actions should never demand thanks
or acknowledgment, nor should I lead my Master to believe I expect them. I must
remember that the best forms of service weave themselves gracefully into the
fabric of the experience without disrupting the intricacies of its pattern.
Service is not meant to be inflicted, but interlaced.
3. Obedience:
Unhesitating obedience is my Master’s due. I am obliged to approach my Master
if obedience creates a question or concern, but only with the proper attitude
and only at the appropriate time. It is never correct to disobey my Master in
public or in any situation where His Mastery might come into question by
others. Obedience encourages others to think of my Master as i do - worthy and
blessed with the ability to rule effectively. Obeying the rules set forth for
me proves to my Master that I trust Him and am willing to live by His codes and
values. It teaches me what is expected of me, and leaves no room for ambiguous
notions of blame. Obedience demonstrates to my Master that I am trustworthy and
can be depended upon.
4. Attitude and Respect:
The structured nature of a Master/slave relationship demands the acknowledgment
of a hierarchy. Within the larger structure, the adoration I feel for my Master
can be recognized through the use of a prescribed form of address. I must
address my Master by title when speaking to Him or speaking about Him, unless
we are in a situation where it would cause embarrassment to Him or to others.
Even at those times, I should make every effort to recognize the differences
between us. My Master must always be approached with respect – with a tone of
voice that does not indicate anger, frustration or exasperation. I must ask for
permission to speak freely, and if it is granted, be certain that I can convey
my thoughts calmly, logically and without redundancy. I must remember that the
opportunity to use my voice is as easily lost as it is contracted, and I must
preserve an attitude of graciousness and gratefulness while speaking to my
Master. My demeanor is as important as the words I choose. The appropriate
stance is never determined or defiant, but open and accepting. The preservation
of “slave space” is of utmost importance, and can be sustained by subduing
uncultivated behaviors. I may be playful, spontaneous or fun-loving, but cannot
maintain my focus on servitude if I am agitated, noisy or raucous. I must learn
to demonstrate self-restraint and moderation. It is impossible to be attentive
if I am engaged in activities that don’t include my Master. I will remember I
am the visible evidence of my Master’s training. Removing my clothes in my
Master's presence is not a sexual act but a symbolic one. Nudity represents the
removal of all barriers that would keep Him from His slave. It indicates my
desire to hide nothing and to keep no secrets. It is a constant reminder of who
I am and what that means. Nudity in His presence is a privilege that allows me
to slough off the imposed mantle of the outside world and immerse myself in the
world He has offered me.
5. Acceptance of Discipline:
Punishment is an electrifying gift. With it comes the return of clarity and
form, and the ability to reason based solely on the heart, not on social precepts,
which so often hold me back. It leaves me with a profound understanding of
structure, a reflective wisdom and a challenge for the future. At its best,
punishment produces gratitude. It is up to me to understand the difference
between punishment and discipline, and not to confuse them. It is up to me to
accept that punishment is part of my life-style and can be administered without
erotic elements, and as often as is necessary to accomplish a change in
unacceptable behaviors. It is inappropriate for me to ask for punishment; my
Master decides what behaviors need correction and how best to correct them. It
is appropriate, however, for me to ask for His guidance in hopes of correcting
a behavior before it reaches the punishment stage. Further, I must confess any
and all disobedience in accordance with the tenet of absolute honesty. An
infraction un-confessed is a lie. I must remember to ask for explanations if I
am unclear on something, and understand that failure to ask will not absolve me
from consequences.
6. Sexuality:
I do not determine any aspect of my sexuality. As with all other facets
of my life, my sexual drive, creativity and enjoyment are useful only in
service to my Master. I must remember that, in my Master's eyes, sexual service
is no more or less important than any of the other tasks I am assigned. Failure
to perform properly or performance that lacks enthusiasm is a sign of
disrespect and is as punishable as any other act of disobedience. I am obliged
to meet my Master's sexual needs on demand, and obliged to understand that I
may be put to better use elsewhere. I must remember that sexual release is a
reward. My personal pleasure is not a determining factor in sexual situations
with my Master. I must strive to please without regard to my own pleasure. To
be sent away without release should only be disappointing if I have failed my
Master in some way, and that disappointment can only be leveled at my own
performance.
In all things I will remember that i have been allowed the freedom to live the
life I choose, and will express my gratitude for the gift my Master has
bestowed on me through dedication to His service, adherence to His rules,
obedience to His will and compliance to His desires.
Author unknown
10/5/2008 7:45:38 PM
The Modern Master
Dominance in the New Millenium
Written by S. Garrett. This article is the property of SL. All rights held and reserved by Submissive Loving.
www.submissiveloving.com
The Master is in control. This control has been surrendered to Him by
His slave, her most precious gift. He accepts the responsibility that
comes with this gift. He is clear and precise in His demands, leaving
His slave in no doubt what is required of her; what it takes to please
Him. To ensure this, He is open about His feelings and His needs. He
provides His slave with a consistent framework in which to live.
Changes to this framework are introduced with clear instructions and
training. He never expects His slave to read His mind.
The Master demonstrates His strength in the rigour with which He
prosecutes training and discipline. He demands total obedience and
compliance at all times. He knows His slave thrives on such rigidity
provided His demands are realistic. Any transgressions are identified
immediately and dealt with fairness with relation to the transfer of
power. His demands test and challenge the submission of His slave. She
is given ample opportunity to prove herself to Him.
Knowing they must both develop The Master takes Himself and His slave
forward. When He encounters areas He has not explored before, He is
secure enough, in Himself, to admit He does not know everything there
is to know. To ensure the safety of His slave, He has the courage to
ask questions of Those that do Know..
While recognising that it is His selfishness that provides His slave
with the opportunity to serve, The Master is conscious that she has
needs too. He sees the value in her continued development as a human
being. He is secure enough to feel no threat from her growth. He
encourages and guides this development. His pride in her achievements
is an ever-present spur for her to succeed for Him.
The Master is ever conscious of the need for trust within the
relationship. He knows that this is only possible in an atmosphere of
complete honesty, the foundation of the relationship. He has the wisdom
to realise that all humans are slaves to the truth while they perceive
it to be in their interests to be so an He shows His slave that it is
always in her interest to be truthful.
The Master is Human too. On those occasions when He falls short of the
ideal, He displays maturity in admitting that He is wrong. More
importantly, He learns from this and corrects the flaw in His behaviour
with even more vigour than when He disciplines His slave.
Owner
The Modern Master recognises His responsibility that in accepting the
gift of submission from His slave/submissive, He has obligations. He
owes her His trust and will behave with the utmost trustworthiness too.
His submissive must be safe in the knowledge that he will never harm
her (the definition of harm will have been clearly stated before the
transfer of power). . He will recognise that His responsibilities
transcends any agreement. He cannot allow His submissive to enter into
a self-destructive activity no matter how willingly. He will manage the
transfer of power; accepting that it is He who should ensure that all
activities that He expects from His submissive will have been discussed
and honour the fact that no submissive can honourably be obliged to
comply with any omissions. He will honour His submissive's hard limits
as He would His own. While always seeking to make this relationship His
last, He will honour His obligations should the relationship fail. His
goal will be to leave His submissive whole and able to trust again.
Mentor
The Modern Master will be friend, guide and teacher to His submissive.
He will take joy in assisting in His submissive's development. He will
be His submissive's advisor in all whole life issues. Career and
parenting skills will be seen to have as great a priority as training
in serving Him. He will take joy in His submissive following His lead
and inspire His submissive to take joy in His guidance. He will be
selfless in His paternal care.
Teacher
The Modern Master should demonstrate His Mastery by teaching His
submissive in all aspects of the sensual. Without removing the
responsibility of His submissive to seek and learn the ways to please
her Master, will guide her with subtly. He will endeavour to never
allow her to be confused by His responses.
Disciplinarian
The Modern Master knows the importance of a consistent framework of
behaviour to His submissive. He will enforce this framework with
wisdom. He knows that the reinforcement of positive behaviour is far
more effective in correcting behaviour than punishment. He recognises
that careless application of discipline can be the source of
unnecessary and confusing anguish for His submissive.
Lover
The Modern Master will reward His submissive by loving her. He will
offer her the safe haven of His need. Even as He administers pain, He
does so with a loving hand. He will cherish His submissive, in His way.
he will recognise that within a D/s relationship, it is the
relationship that is at the core; that D/s and BDSM activities are but
enhancements of that relationship.
Master
The Modern Master earns His title by his Mastery of His submissive's
sensuality. He will endeavour to be unique to her; endeavour to be her
world. He will demonstrate consummate skill in the safe application of
BDSM techniques and an understanding of how she will respond to such
sensual stimuli. His control will be total and will pervade His
submissive's life within the agreed limits.
10/2/2008 8:31:38 PM
Whipping therapy cures addiction, depression and suicide crises
The effect is astounding: a patient starts seeing only
bright colors in the surrounding world
Russian scientists from the city of Novosibirsk,
Siberia, made a sensational report at the international
conference devoted to new methods of treatment and rehabilitation in narcology.
The report was called "Methods of painful impact to treat addictive behavior."
Siberian scientists believe that addiction to alcohol and narcotics, as well as
depression, suicidal thoughts and psychosomatic diseases occur when an
individual loses his or her interest in life.
The absence of the will to live is caused with decreasing production of
endorphins - the substance, which is known as the hormone of happiness.
If a depressed individual receives a physical punishment, whipping that is, it
will stir up endorphin receptors, activate the "production of
happiness" and eventually remove depressive feelings.
Russian scientists recommend the following course of the whipping therapy: 30
sessions of 60 whips on the buttocks in every procedure.
A group of drug addicts volunteered to test the new method of treatment: the
results can be described as good and excellent.
Doctor of Biological Sciences, Sergei Speransky, is a very well known figure in
Novosibirsk. The doctor became one
of the authors of the shocking whipping therapy.
The professor used the self-flagellation method to cure his own depression; he
also recovered from two heart attacks with the help of physical tortures too.
"The whipping therapy becomes much more efficient when a patients receives
the punishment from a person of the opposite sex. The effect is astounding: the
patient starts seeing only bright colors in the surrounding world, the
heartache disappears, although it will take a certain time for the buttocks to
heal, of course," Sergei Speransky told the Izvestia newspaper.
The whipping therapy has not become a new discovery in the history of medicine.
Tibetan monks widely used it for medical purposes too.
Soviet specialists used a special method of torturing therapy at mental
hospitals. They made injections of brimstone and peach oil mixture to inspire
mentally unbalanced patience with a will to live.
A patient would suffer from horrible pain in the body after such an injection,
but he or she would change their attitude to life for the better afterwards.
"People might probably think of me as a masochist," Dr. Speransky
said. "But I can assure you that I am not a classic masochist at
all," he added.
The revolutionary method may take the Russian healthcare to a whole new level.
The method is cheap and highly efficient, as its authors assure. Why not using something
more efficient, a rack, for example?
(Original in Russian, translation by Dmitry Sudakov)
10/1/2008 9:47:20 PM
An essay on collaring.
Author unknown
Collars in historical times were put on slaves as to
identify who owned them. To collar someone at the neck meant that you hold that
person in ultimate control. Today's purpose in the BDSM lifestyle community
collars carry many different meanings depending on the individual, but
generally speaking the significance of the collar is the same - a person has
control over another. One very important distinction from our historical
counterpart rests in the consensual nature of the collar. In today's times, the
submissive or slave has the choice of whether or not to submit. A collar of
ownership is one of the most common reasons why we have a collar in the BDSM
community. But collars can mean so many different things though. Not every
collar in the community is a collar of ownership. There are so many different
meanings, different ways in which the collaring happens, and different levels
to it for some.
A collar has meaning to those who are involved in the relationship. It can be
just like a wedding ring for some, a power exchange to others, or it may be
something taken lightly and tossed away at impulse.
Collaring may be taken lightly, but in my experience after a while it loses
something for the people involved. It does not have the meaning or significance
and thus feels empty. I could discuss the online "collar," but it is
my preference always to keep two feet firmly planted in real life, hence this
article will not address the "online collars."
A collar symbolizing the ownership arrangement, usually comes out a deeply
rooted commitment between Dominant and submissive. And hopefully the people
going into the relationship will be ready to honor and respect the symbol. A
Dominant should offer their collar seriously. The submissive that accepts the
collar from a Dominant should also be equally serious about its significance.
Usually it is not a decision made quickly and tossed aside in a week. But a
collar's significance really depends on what the meaning of a collar is to you.
Different Meanings of a Collar
For a Top/bottom it could mean a piece of equipment used in the scene. It is
merely is used as a toy. It usually symbolizes nothing beyond the power
exchange of a "scene."
For a Dominant/submissive the collar could mean a commitment to each other in
the form of a power exchange. It could symbolize a commitment to the power
exchange and can end when either wishes to conclude it.
For a Master/slave it could signify the slave being owned. The slave has
relinquished her right to choose as long as the Master or slave wishes to
remain in it. For a Master/slave in an absolute relationship it means that the
slave has relinquished her right to choose until her Master releases her.
Stages of Collaring
Some Dominants have stages to collaring a submissive. It can start off with a
Collar of Consideration. It is basically the getting to know each other stage.
It could be considered equivalent to the "courting" or
"dating" stage in the vanilla world. This is a period of time where
the Dominant and submissive should talk and explore needs, wants and desires in
a D/s relationship (not only BDSM but vanilla wants, needs and life goals as
well). It is an expression of interest in pursuing a D/s relationship with each
other beyond casual play or interactions. It also gives the signal to other
dominants that the submissive is "off-limits" because she is pursuing
a power dynamic with someone.
The next stage might be the Training Collar. It allows the parties to see how
things will work between them on a more permanent basis. Some basic goals for
the foundation of the relationship are being worked on during this time. The
training collar is usually plain, but sturdy to show a sense of awareness to
this learning period. A training collar also could symbolize a relationship
where the Dominant is "training" the submissive on a specific task or
in an area of service. In other instances, a submissive maybe trained by
Dominants who do not "own" them. (which could be a whole other
article for me).
Formal or Slave Collar represents the final stage of commitment. It can express
the belief of a desire to share in each others lives in a power exchange.
Perhaps for the rest of their lives much like how a wedding ring or some other
sign or symbol of their union. The actual collar is usually a collar that can
be worn all the time and a symbol of that commitment.
Material Form of a Collar
In its material form, it may take many shapes. It may be a simple leather dog
collar, chain, steel, a necklace, a ring, a bracelet, an anklet, or some other
body decoration. It can take the physical form of a brand, a tattoo, or body
piercings. Most collars seem to be designed to feel strong and secure in the
relationship negotiated or formed. A collar may not have any physical form at
all; instead it could be just a word that denotes the commitment itself.
Regardless, collars are powerful reminders of the type of relationship between
dominant/submissive.
How one gets a Collar
How one attains a collar also widely differs. Some people have to beg for their
collar, while others have to work for or earn that privilege. Some submissives
are collared without being asked or having to beg. In almost every situation a
collar should be discussed and/or negotiated. Whether a collar is negotiated
for a long-term relationship, or whether there is an agreement or understanding
for a more casual arrangement. Discussions about each other's views regarding
"the collaring philosophy" becomes just as important as it determines
the direction of the relationship. This process should be understood and
mutually sought before offering and accepting a collar. It's sometimes
difficult to separate fantasy from reality when it comes to collaring - but
consider the improbability of making a marriage last if you have just met the
person and ran to the local courthouse.
Feelings and meaning associated with the Collar
Many times Dominant gives the collar with pride. The Dominant might view the
collar as a symbol of ownership or surrender of the submissive or slave. It can
become a symbol of their union, agreement, and their dedication to a common
goal. Submissive often wear it in devotion. Submissives can feel strength and
security in the collar - thus in their power exchange. It can evoke in a slave
the profound depth of service to their Owner. It can evoke feelings of their
calling into slavery. And serve as a reminder of place and status in the power
exchange. For others it might feel just as a toy - such as a flogger or
something else used in a scene. And alternately a collar might feel like protection
and love for others. It can be freeing to have that collar around ones neck
because it means that you are not denying your authentic self.
Final Thoughts
The collar has certain practicality reasons to be worn, but the majority of
people within the lifestyle see the collar as a representation of the bond
between a Dominant and submissive. A power exchange does not require or need a
collar or marking of ownership. They are symbolic, meaningful and useful at
times but they are not necessary to the power exchange. The only thing is
needed is a clear, honest commitment to the power dynamic.
9/30/2008 11:37:43 PM
This is humorous but ever so true...
HOW TO RAISE A DISOBEDIENT SUBMISSIVE
Submissives, by nature, wish to please their Dominants. It's an integral part
of being a submissive. Sometimes, though, Dominants seem not to really want
obedient submissives by the mere fact that the do the following things. So,
Dom's if you are having a difficult time getting your submissive to disobey and
act-out here are some helpful hints:
1. Always Be Inconsistent
One of the first things you can do to confuse and disorient your submissive is
to constantly change the rules. If yesterday they had to ask to sit on the
furniture, then don't make them ask today. Now, tomorrow when they don't ask,
be sure to punish them strictly! Or better yet, tell them one thing, then turn
around and tell them something different. Either tell them when their rules are
changing or leave them to guess. Just letting them guess as to what their rules
are is a sure way to get them to misbehave.
2. Don't Consider Them As Individuals/Human
This is a subtle one. When you're making rules, make rules based around the
personality of someone else you know. Don't think of them as human at all.
Treat them like property, like you've most likely read on a site. If your sub
is a morning person, insist they stay up til 2am
each night. If your sub is a vegetarian, make them only eat meat-based dishes,
and if they refuse to eat their dinner, make them go hungry. Your sub will
begin nodding off to sleep, especially if they have to get up early in the
morning, and then you've got yourself a real disobedient sub.
3. Have Unrealistic Expectations
Insist that after your submissive works 2 shifts you have them cook a
three-course meal. And if its less than 3 courses, punish them severely. This
will make them want to serve you even more.
4. Completely Ignore The Way The Human Body Works
If they swallow your cum count that as all their meals for the day. If their
bottom is welting and they call a safeword to tell you that it's gone beyond
good pain, ignore them and continue on (afterall all pain is the good kind,
right?). Only allow them to sleep 2 hours a night. Insist on a nude slave all
the time, ignoring the temperature of the day and their body's natural
temperature.
5. Disrespect Safewords
Either completely ignore safewords, or refuse to establish them in the first
place. After all, if they really trusted you, they would not need safewords. As
a matter of fact, refuse to listen to anything your submissive says. Why listen
to a piece of property that's not human. If they try to tell you that the ropes
are too tight or that you're whipping their kidneys, take that as them just
acting difficult.
6. Refuse To Listen To Them
Remember, submissives are there to be led and directed. They are property and
therefore can't think for themselves and they don't really know what they're
feeling. Feel free to point this out, and refuse to give them an open forum to
discuss ideas, concerns, issues, or anything else. If they still try to present
their own thoughts, either dismiss them immediately or punish your submissive, severely
for being presumptive. Either way, refuse to hear what they are saying.
7. Never Praise Them
Praise will only make their heads swell. They will begin to think themselves
above their stations, and begin to take pride and enjoyment from their activities.
You must strictly control this. Their only pleasure must come from you, in
measured intervals, of course. Do not tell them they have done
well or that they have pleased you, ever. You should always have them wondering
if they are pleasing. If you do praise them, you risk them gaining a sense of
self worth and then why would they need you?!
8. Your Pleasure Is The Only Pleasure
Do not allow them to do anything that will please them. This is two-fold: while
this means taking away all their outside interests (it also includes cutting
them off from friends), and it also means that you must monitor what submissive
acts they take pleasure in. When you find that a particular submissive act is
something that gives them pleasure, take it promptly and replace it by an act
they find discomforting. It is best if you can be obvious about this. If it is
their pleasure to tie your shoes, tie your own shoes in front of them. And,
it's best if this is done with a mocking look on
your face.
9. Never Let Them Talk To Anyone Else
You must very strictly monitor all stimulation. Pay special care to
keeping them away from other scene folk, as you can't be sure what new ideas
others will suggest to your impressionable sub. You don't want your sub to be
able to "compare notes" with other submissives, as this has the
potential to call your actions into question. To much stimulation might cause
them to form their own thoughts. Remember you want to avoid this at all costs.
9/30/2008 10:59:39 PM
THE 9 LEVELS OF SUBMISSION
The following isn't intended as a rigid classification. It was written by Diane
Vera and published in The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual, edited by Pat Califia,
from Lace/Alyson Press, Boston, 1988, reissued 1990 (still in print).
Within the S/M subculture, different people use the words "submissive and
slave" to mean many different things. When submissives say "I want to
be your slave," sometimes they mean only that they want to be tied up and
whipped. Many professional dominants routinely refer to their (usually _not_
very genuinely submissive clients) as "slaves." At the other extreme,
there are people who want to be full-time personal servants, and who truly want
to exist solely for their Dom(me)'s use, pleasure and convenience. And there
are many shades in between these two extremes.
1.THE OUTRIGHT NON-SUBMISSIVE MASOCHIST or KINKY SENSUALIST.Not into servitude,
humiliation or giving up control; just pain and/or spiced-up sensuality, on the
masochist's own terms and for the masochist's own direct pleasure (i.e. turned
on solely/mainly by one's own bodily sensations rather than by being
"used" to gratify one's partner's sadism).
2.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Not into even playing "slave," but
into other "submissive" role-playing, e.g. schoolteacher scenes,
infantilism, "forced" transvestism. Usually into humiliation, but NOT
into servitude, even in play. Dictates the scene to a large degree.
3.PSEUDO-SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Likes to play at being a slave; likes to feel
subservient; may in some cases like to feel one is being "used" to
gratify partner's sadism; may even really serve the dominant in some ways, but
only on the "slave's" own terms. Dictates the scene to a large
degree; often fetishistic (e.g. foot worshipers).
4.TRUE SUBMISSIVE NON-SLAVE. Really gives up control (only temporarily and
within agreed-upon limits), but gets her/his main satisfaction from aspects of
submission other than serving or being used by the dominant. Usually turned on
by suspense, vulnerability, and/or giving up responsibility. Doesn't dictate the
scene except in very general terms, but still seek mainly her/his own
direct/pleasure (rather than getting one's pleasure mainly from pleasing the
dominant).
5.TRUE SUBMISSIVE PLAY SLAVE. Really gives up control (though only temporarily;
only during brief "scenes" and within limits) and gets main
satisfaction from serving/being used by dominant-but only for FUN purposes,
usually erotic. May/may not be into pain. If so, is turned on by pain indirectly,
i.e. enjoys being the object of one's partner's sadism, on which the submissive
places very few requirements or restrictions.
6.UNCOMMITTED SHORT-TERM BUT MORE THAN PLAY SEMI-SLAVE. Really gives up control
(usually within limits); wants to serve and be used by the dominant; wants to
provide practical/non erotic as well as fun/erotic services; but only when the
"slave" is in the mood. May even act as a full-time slave for, say,
several days at a time, but is free to quit at any time (or at the end of the
agreed upon several days). May or may not have long-term relationship with
one's Mistress, but, either way, the "slave" has the final say over
when she will serve.
7.PART-TIME CONSENSUAL-BUT REAL SLAVE. Has an ongoing commitment to an
owner/slave relationship and regards oneself as the dominant's property at all
times. Wants to obey and please Dom(me) in all aspects of life-practical/non
erotic and fun/erotic. Devotes most of time to other commitments (e.g. job) but
Dom(me) has first pick of the slave's free time.
8.FULL-TIME LIVE IN CONSENSUAL SLAVE. Within no more than a few broad
limits/requirements, the slave regards herself/himself as existing solely for
the Dom(me)'s pleasure/well being. Slave in turn expects to be regarded as a
prized possession. Not much different from the situation of the traditional
housewife, except that within the S/M world the slave's position is more likely
to be fully consensual, especially of the slave is male. Within the S/M world,
a full time "slave" arrangement is entered into with an explicit
awareness of the magnitude carefully, with more awareness of the magnitude of
power that is being given up, and hence is usually entered into much more
carefully, with more awareness of the possible dangers, and with much clearer
and more specific agreements than usually precede the traditional marriage.
9.CONSENSUAL TOTAL SLAVE WITH NO LIMITS. A common fantasy ideal which probably
doesn't exist in real life (except in authoritarian religious cults and other
situations where the "consent" is induced by brainwashing and/or
social or economic pressures, and hence isn't fully consensual). A few S/M
purists will insist that you aren't really a slave unless you're willing to do
absolutely anything for your Dom(me), with no limits at all. I've met a few
people who claimed to be no-limit slaves, but in all cases I have reason to
doubt the claim.
Copyright 1984 and 1988, Diane Vera
9/30/2008 10:11:32 PM
Beautiful explanation of slave verses sub
Author unknown
I am His slave. I have given myself
freely but not easily to my Master. I am not His pet nor His dear nor His toy.
Yet, I am there to please Him. To say I expect nothing in return, would be an
untruth.....I expect Him to use me in a way that brings both pleasure and joy
to us both.
I accept, and am thankful for, any type of pain my
Master chooses to inflict...whether it comes across to me as pleasure or true
*pain*. This was a lesson I learned , one that I thought I would never
experience. Yet, I do not worry that my Master will *harm* me, for I have
accepted the choice of my Owner wisely, and with great care.
As a sub I once had limits. A sub retains the right to
decide what will and will not be. She has the choice to stay or leave if things
are not to her liking or advantage. A Master will respect these rights the sub
holds dear. These rights give her a sense of security. But by the same token
the balance of power tends to shift back and forth. For me, it was confusing. I
needed to submit totally.
"...Masters tended
to find girls who were, from their point of view, superb slaves, and girls tended
to find men who were, from their point of view, marvels as Masters. It is a
beautiful moment when the woman realizes that the man who owns her is her love
Master , and the man realizes that the girl.... looking up at him, tears in her
eyes, is his love slave."
As slave, I have no limits. My Master does as He pleases. My Master makes the
ultimate decisions on what will happen or never happen, and when it is time to
stop, or if needs be to continue. I no longer have to worry about right and
wrong, how much more I can take. I am growing with Him. It is very freeing. I
know that He will never ask me to endure more than I am able. But will stretch
me to my limits and beyond. I trust him with my life. To say I chose Him would
be a misnomer. He chose me. He saw in me, the woman I truly am. It was my
decision to accept Him. All other decisions have become His. In His words....He
is the Man that puts control in my life.
This depth is not right for many. I did not submit on
this level overnight. It has been a long process, not in weeks or months. The
years we have been together have been hard but wonderful at the same time. My
Master is a patient man. And, tho I don't always agree with what He does, I
learn to accept.
It took much time, patience, understanding, and
learning of each other before He brought me to this stage. There has been added
a new dimension to my feelings for my Master. My Master disciplines me in the
way most appropriate for me. He is hard at times....
" Then the only
danger is that he will weaken. One must be strong with a love slave. If one
truly loves her, he will be that strong. The slavery in which a love slave is
kept is an unusually deep slavery. She must serve him with a perfection which
would stun and startle other girls; if she should fail in any way, even in so
small a way that the lapse would be overlooked in another wench, or bring
perhaps a mild word of reprimand, she is likely to be tied to the slave ring
and whipped; there is good reason for this; she is you see a love slave; no
woman can be more in a man's power; and with no woman must he be
stronger." pg.236 Beasts of Gor by John Norman.
I am His love slave. I may not always like the ways in
which He chooses, but I will accept them and with grace. There is a greater
respect and deeper love for my Master pulled from me inspite of myself.
I am his slave.
9/30/2008 8:03:06 PM
The Submissives Creed
I will communicate with complete honesty my needs, desires, limits, and
experience. I realize that failing to do so will not only prevent my
Master and I from having the best experience possible, but can also
lead to physical and emotional harm. I will not try to manipulate my
Master. I will not push to make a scene go the way I feel it should. I
will keep an open mind about trying things that I am not accustomed to
or comfortable with and expanding my limits. I will continue to grow as
a submissive and as a human being. I will accept the responsibility of
discovering what pleases my Master, and will do my best to fulfill His
wishes and desires. I will not allow myself to be harmed or abused, I
know that submissive does not equal "doormat".
I will be courteous and helpful to my fellow submissives, I will share
my knowledge and experiences with others in the hope that they will
learn from where I have been I will take the time to help those new to
the scene start out on the correct path.
I will be responsive to my Master, I will not try to hide what my mind
and body are feeling so that I may assist Him in His responsibilities
as my Authority, I know that Dominants are not telepathic, and will
not expect my Master to know thought or feelings which I do not share.
I will never think myself a "better" submissive because I choose to
submit on a different level than another. I will not be boastful of
experiences I have had as a sub. I know that my actions reflect upon my
Master, and will do my best to help others see him in a positive way, I
will not intentionally embarrass or displease my Master.
Above all, I will wear my title of submissive with honor, I will never
cause others to think that being submissive means to be weak or
sub~human. I will take pride in who and what I am, and will never show
myself in a negative way.
The Submissives Rights
i have the right to set limits, and expect them to be respected.
i have the right to trust, providing I have earned it.
i have the right to expect You to believe I am an intelligent, caring and loyal person.
i have the right to ask for Your attention,without having to misbehave to get it.
i have the right to expect You to administer Your punishment on me with care and caution.
i have the right to question your motives,should You deny my requests, as long as I do so with the proper respect.
i have the right to speak up if I feel O/our relationship is not giving me what I need.
i have the right to tell You what I need in a respectful manner.
i have the right to expect You to understand my reasons for doing so,
and the right to expect You to listen with an open mind and heart.
i have the right to walk away from our relationship if W/we cannot come to a common ground on these issues.
i have the right to expect tenderness, love and understanding after a scene is completed, should it be what I desire.
i have the right to ask You for that tenderness if I've had a bad
day,or if I just feel the need for closeness, I understand that there
will be times when You and I will disagree about this ~when You will
want a scene and I will not.
i have the right to voice my opinion, and expect You to listen to and
consider my reasoning, I expect You to have final word, but i expect
You to wholeheartedly consider my feelings,whatever they may happen to
be.
i have the right to expect You to understand that deep trust often
breeds love, and i expect You not to repel me if i tell You that i love
You. For my Master i will love You, should O/our relationship move
ahead, should O/our trust continue to grow.
i have the right to expect You to tell me, at any point, if You do not
feel You can return those feelings, so that i may decide what i want
and need,For it is Your pleasure that adds to my own, and makes it
real, And mine, that adds to Yours!
The Slaves Prayer....
Allow me the strength to answer questions I can't fathom...
Allow me the spirit to know his needs
Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts
Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace..
Allow me the love to show Him in peace...
Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him...
Allow me the light to show us the way...
Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him...
Let me be able to show Him each day my love by my service to Him...
Let me open myself up to completely belong to him...
Let my eyes show Him each day my love by my service to Him...
Let me open myself up to completely belong to him...
Let my eyes show Him the same respect, rather I sit at his side, or kneel at his feet...
Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman...
Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself...
Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely...
Give me the strength to please us both...
Permit me to love myself, in loving Him..
Allow me the peace of serving Him.
For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make his life complete, as he makes mine.
From submissiveloving.com
9/29/2008 11:01:19 PM
The Modern Master
Dominance in the New Millenium
Written by S. Garrett. This article is the property of SL. All rights held and reserved by Submissive Loving.
The Master is in control. This control has been surrendered to Him by
His slave, her most precious gift. He accepts the responsibility that
comes with this gift. He is clear and precise in His demands, leaving
His slave in no doubt what is required of her; what it takes to please
Him. To ensure this, He is open about His feelings and His needs. He
provides His slave with a consistent framework in which to live.
Changes to this framework are introduced with clear instructions and
training. He never expects His slave to read His mind.
The Master demonstrates His strength in the rigour with which He
prosecutes training and discipline. He demands total obedience and
compliance at all times. He knows His slave thrives on such rigidity
provided His demands are realistic. Any transgressions are identified
immediately and dealt with fairness with relation to the transfer of
power. His demands test and challenge the submission of His slave. She
is given ample opportunity to prove herself to Him.
Knowing they must both develop The Master takes Himself and His slave
forward. When He encounters areas He has not explored before, He is
secure enough, in Himself, to admit He does not know everything there
is to know. To ensure the safety of His slave, He has the courage to
ask questions of Those that do Know..
While recognising that it is His selfishness that provides His slave
with the opportunity to serve, The Master is conscious that she has
needs too. He sees the value in her continued development as a human
being. He is secure enough to feel no threat from her growth. He
encourages and guides this development. His pride in her achievements
is an ever-present spur for her to succeed for Him.
The Master is ever conscious of the need for trust within the
relationship. He knows that this is only possible in an atmosphere of
complete honesty, the foundation of the relationship. He has the wisdom
to realise that all humans are slaves to the truth while they perceive
it to be in their interests to be so an He shows His slave that it is
always in her interest to be truthful.
The Master is Human too. On those occasions when He falls short of the
ideal, He displays maturity in admitting that He is wrong. More
importantly, He learns from this and corrects the flaw in His behaviour
with even more vigour than when He disciplines His slave.
Owner
The Modern Master recognises His responsibility that in accepting the
gift of submission from His slave/submissive, He has obligations. He
owes her His trust and will behave with the utmost trustworthiness too.
His submissive must be safe in the knowledge that he will never harm
her (the definition of harm will have been clearly stated before the
transfer of power). . He will recognise that His responsibilities
transcends any agreement. He cannot allow His submissive to enter into
a self-destructive activity no matter how willingly. He will manage the
transfer of power; accepting that it is He who should ensure that all
activities that He expects from His submissive will have been discussed
and honour the fact that no submissive can honourably be obliged to
comply with any omissions. He will honour His submissive's hard limits
as He would His own. While always seeking to make this relationship His
last, He will honour His obligations should the relationship fail. His
goal will be to leave His submissive whole and able to trust again.
Mentor
The Modern Master will be friend, guide and teacher to His submissive.
He will take joy in assisting in His submissive's development. He will
be His submissive's advisor in all whole life issues. Career and
parenting skills will be seen to have as great a priority as training
in serving Him. He will take joy in His submissive following His lead
and inspire His submissive to take joy in His guidance. He will be
selfless in His paternal care.
Teacher
The Modern Master should demonstrate His Mastery by teaching His
submissive in all aspects of the sensual. Without removing the
responsibility of His submissive to seek and learn the ways to please
her Master, will guide her with subtly. He will endeavour to never
allow her to be confused by His responses.
Disciplinarian
The Modern Master knows the importance of a consistent framework of
behaviour to His submissive. He will enforce this framework with
wisdom. He knows that the reinforcement of positive behaviour is far
more effective in correcting behaviour than punishment. He recognises
that careless application of discipline can be the source of
unnecessary and confusing anguish for His submissive.
Lover
The Modern Master will reward His submissive by loving her. He will
offer her the safe haven of His need. Even as He administers pain, He
does so with a loving hand. He will cherish His submissive, in His way.
he will recognise that within a D/s relationship, it is the
relationship that is at the core; that D/s and BDSM activities are but
enhancements of that relationship.
Master
The Modern Master earns His title by his Mastery of His submissive's
sensuality. He will endeavour to be unique to her; endeavour to be her
world. He will demonstrate consummate skill in the safe application of
BDSM techniques and an understanding of how she will respond to such
sensual stimuli. His control will be total and will pervade His
submissive's life within the agreed limits.