11/4/2017 2:05:48 PM: Recently I have been feeling very out of sorts with BDSM and the 'lifestyle' and all that jazz.Then a week or so ago I talked to a local woman who I thought was pretty cool, and we had some pretty interesting, though very preliminary chats through e-mail. She asked me a few things and I asked her a few and that was fun to get that connection with someone again.But after a few e-mail exchanges over a few days she asked me a straight forward question and I answered and then ...crickets.....You know, if someone says something like that that spooks you then just say you are not interested and move on, no harm no foul, happens all the time, but to just go away no real excuse for that.But the one thing this little exchange, or lack of, has shown me is that I need a break from all this.So many days I feel like I do not fit in here or on CS anymore. I am a straight guy, who is so not into poly or just play pards, and who wants a real relationship with a mostly sane female who likes to explore her BDSM interests with a willing partner.Looks like that would be easy to find, but it is so not.I am not giving up, just taking a break from all the sites for a while. I have realized that I go on these sites more to waste time or for entertainment of late, and that is not really a reason to do this, I can do other things instead.

1/23/2017 11:33:41 PM: Not fitting in anymore I guess there is a point in everyone’s life where they realize that they just do not fit in their little box anymore. I would guess that is when many of us joined a site like this. I like knowing there are others like me out there, not because it validates me, but because it lets me know there is the possibility of finding someone enough like me to be with. But of late, on both sites I frequent, (Fetlife and Collarspace), I have started to see that I no longer fit the mold I have projected for so long. Every few days like many on Fet I check out the kinky and popular because there are sexy women in pics there, and like most guys I like to see those kinds of things. But every time I look on there, or even read through the forums or groups on Fet or the chatrooms on CS I see I do not fit with some of  these people. Not because I am not as sexy as some of them, looks are great, but there has to be more, but because their values, how they live their lives in many cases sadden me, disgust me, or at least make me feel for them on an actual human level. On any given day you see people into all kinds of things, but some of them make me wonder. I admit I have a very narrow view of BDSM, I know what will and won’t work for me and at times I project that onto others. I know that is not how it works, but I also know that some of what I see here is just plain wrong, not just to me, but too many others both on here and not on here. I despise poly, casual, friends with benefits, or whatever you want to call it this week, month or year. Not because I am a prude about sex, or multiple partners, but because I think it lacks so much. Yes I know that is me projecting some, but I also know that for every poly relationship that works there are at least 4 that do not, and I would be willing to bet that is way less than the actual numbers. I see so many people on these sites projecting an image, a façade, and using poly to do it. Some of them are professionals, and that is cool for them because it is work, but for real people, actually getting involved in BDSM, I think poly is short changing the connection that is possible. If you are splitting your attention between 2, 3, 12, or however many you are involved with, then how can you have the connection with them that BDSM is based on? Honesty is the basis of this, and to me, even if you are totally honest with each partner, then how can you not realize that being with others is in fact lying by omission if nothing else. I see so many people on here playing with multiple people and then complaining about not feeling connected to anyone. Well yeah, if you make yourself an option to someone, or multiple someone’s then they will seldom become a priority that is basic human behavior. And before you think I am just bashing poly people that is not really the case, I know a few people who have made and do make poly work, they have great relationships with great people and sometimes they are long standing relationships, sometimes not, but they say they are, and seem to be happy with what and who they are. For those few, I am sorry I am painting you with this broad brush, because this is all about not judging and not painting everyone with the same brush, I know that, but sometimes you got to paint around the hammer marks on a fresh wall, and then patch them up and repaint later. Granted, many of these people I see doing this are younger than I am, they are learning some of the lessons we all have learned over time and they will figure them out at some point. But many of these people are just out there using others for nothing more than a wet hole or a hard rod and using people like that says as much about the user as the ones being used. Too many people on these sites just hate the other gender, but can’t admit it and do everything they can to hurt and abuse others in the name of their role. I admit I do not understand lots of things in BDSM, I am 45, and I still do not understand, financial domination (if you are paying them, then who is really in control), adult babies (because nothing is sexier than dirty diapers), long-term chastity (sure let’s kill someone’s sex drive to make us feel powerful), the term punishment (we are adults, we should act like it), any form of cuckold relationships (I can’t see how that is sexy to others), and about a million other things that just make me go What the Fuck are you thinking. I am not close minded, I pride myself on being open to people both in daily life and in my private dealings, and I truly do believe that as long as both people are into it, and no one is actually getting really hurt, then it is ok to explore, but that is not what I see most of the time here. I do not have to like your kink, I might even call you a sicko or a user, or a money whore or any of a thousand other things, but if it is your kink and you do no harm, then I say find someone as sick as you are and enjoy it, just leave your kink out of my kink. We are not supposed to be ok with what everyone else does, we are not supposed to stay quiet and hope that we do not offend someone, we are supposed to stand up for what WE think is right, be that popular or not. To thy own self be true, is not a bad way of living your life. I admit many times I bite my tongue when I am in a chatroom or discussion board instead of just telling someone they are full of shit. The reason I do this is because how many times a day can you call someone out on their shit. However, I have realized the last few weeks and months that I am not doing anyone any favors by doing that, least of all myself. So here is the truth about me. I am a fat, 45 year-old guy with a passion for sports, science, politics, history and people who are smart. I despise drama in pretty much all forms because it is normally created by people just trying to make themselves look better by making others feel bad. I had a grandmother like that, and I hated her for being that way, and I was related to her. I never put up with her being an ass to others, so why would I restrain myself to strangers. Well I will not anymore. I am a straight guy, I label myself as a switch because I have been both a sub and a Dom and I can fit in either role. (Little hint to the people out there that think switches can’t make up their minds, you are wrong, most of us know who and what we want, but that is not always the same thing with different people. Also because I list myself as a switch, that does not mean I will ever ask you to switch.) I do not fit in, and for the first time is a very long time I do not give a damn if I do not fit in, I am going to be true to me and my views for a while. Being quiet to get along is not the way to live your life, God, the creator, the universe, or whatever you want to believe in, gave you a voice USE it when you need to. Say what you mean and mean what you say. In other words, Do Right and everything else will take care of itself.    

5/29/2016 6:15:55 PM: Memorial DayIn a year when everyone is yelling and screaming, calling anyone that doesn't agree with their views crazy, stupid or even a traitor, Memorial Day is a time to take pause for a minute and remember those that are not with us anymore. Memorial Day is here to honor those that have died for this country. It is also the unofficial kickoff of Summer and a great time to take in a race, a ballgame, have a BBQ or just take a break from your normal week. I heard someone today (Sunday) say that American's should be ashamed of how they celebrate Memorial Day because it honors no one. I disagree, the ultimate honor to those people who gave their lives for this country is to live our lives as we see fit. We should all take a minute to give thanks for those that gave what Lincoln called, the last full measure of devotion to their country, but if those heroes were still here, they would tell us to live our lives, that is what they fought for. Honor those that gave their lives for this country from the Revolutionary War to the continuing actions in the Middle East, but the best way to honor them, other than taking a minute to say thank you, is to live your lives. Strive daily in your life to be more like those heroes just a little and this country can't help but get better.

12/8/2015 6:50:02 PM: The 2015 WTF awards This is my first annual list of stupid shit, stupid people and just random stupid things that I have either noticed this year or I have taken time to not like. The first thing in my list, nothing can be the first annual, it can be the first, but it can't be annual until after the second. People, at most every red light in the United States there is a stop line. Around that line are sensors in the ground to tell the light when to change. When you stop 30 feet short of the line the light will not change, PULL UP TO THE LINE. Cell phones are not your friends. Do not walk around just looking at them and not looking at the world. Notice what is around you, talk to people, learn from them, laugh with them, make them laugh, smile at them, but don't just chat away on the phone, you become a traffic hazard. Close-minded people, but especially conservatives, who think that if you do not act just like them then you are evil. Everyone has the right to think and act like they see fit, be good to each other and respect each other and guess what the world will be a bit better. All politicians should be banned from talking until they disclose every cent of money that is given to them. Before a debate, they should have to list their top 200 doners on the screen so you can see who that person is really beholden to. And I do not mean just the personal donations but the ones that come from all the soft money too, every cent, and not just the name of the PAC that gives, but the people behind it as well. Anyone that thinks you can end terrorism by just bombing people needs to grow up. Do you have to get rid of the crazies, sure you do, but until the people of that country want to put forth the effort to get rid of them then what is the point? You can't stop terrorists by just killing them, that will only create more, you have to kill them and show them a better way. Anyone that thinks terrorists are just Muslims. We have terrorists all over the place. The disenfranchised, the hopeless, the lost will always look for something to be a part of, if you can help these people before they turn, then you will not have the homegrown problems, or at least not as many. We will always have crazy people. Bullies, just stop already. If you think you look like a bad-ass, remember there is always someone else around bigger and badder than you. Luckily, karma is a nasty bitch and she always wins in the end. The last thing on my list for this year are the people in congress and the senate and military who let our veterans come home and not be able to get the help they deserve because the DOD and the Veteran's administration are not talking to each other. Get one computer system, use it, and get these people any help they need. These veterans signed up, trained, went overseas multiple times in most cases, saw and did things no one should have to do or see and then we send them home and say now act like everyone else again.I have the ultimate respect for all our veterans and I hate to see politicians hurt them by saying they will support them, then cutting funding for a new computer system to streamline the process.Everyone needs to pay a little less lip service to the problem and be part of the solution. This so ends my bitch list for 2015, unless of course I find better or new stuff to bitch about before the end of the year, I reserve the right to add if need be. In short, be better to each other and it is amazing all the cool things that can happen.

6/28/2015 11:19:19 PM: When you see someone treat others badly what do you do? Sunday evening I thought I would head to the grocery store and before it was over with I got threatened with arrest for trying to help someone out. WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE WITH THIS? I knew I only needed a few things at the grocery store so i picked up the little hand held basket and started shopping. With just the little hand held, and knowing what I was there for, I was skipping over rows of things and just heading down the rows where I needed something. On one row I passed a man, woman and child with a buggy. They were arguing about something or other and I didn't really care what so I passed them by.Well a few minutes later I had moved several rows down and I was looking for some cookies, when they passed me again and this time every word out of the man and woman's mouth was cursing. The little girl, who I later learned was 8, was pushing the buggy while the other two were walking away from her fast down the isle and she was trying to push the buggy and keep up.The little girl got to the end of the row and tried to turn the cart but lost control of it and hit one of the end displays.Unfortunantly for her the display came tumbling down as it was boxes of Mac and Cheese and while it was not a big bang, you could hear it. I was about 10 feet away when it happened and I put my basket down to check on the little girl. She had a small cut on her lip where her face had hit the cart and had a little bit of blood but nothing bad on her lip.I asked her if she was ok, she nodded yes, but never spoke, then the two 'grown-ups' came stomping back to check on the girl. They both were cursing at each other and at her, but I told them that she was not hurt except for the little cut on her lip.Her mother went into full mom-mode to check on her daughter, worried about her and seemed to calm down. The guy, well he was too busy calling first the little girl stupid and then the mother stupid and yelling and cursing at them to care what had happened.The mother finally kinda snapped at him to shut up and leave the daughter alone since she should not have been rolling the cart on her own anyway.The guy then walked over to the mother and daughter, who by now was crying a little, and backhanded the little girl knocking her down and punched the mother above the left eye then pushed her into another display rack sending items and her flying.At that point I grabbed him and walked him away from the area for a bit before yelling for the store to call the cops.I am not a little guy, 6-4, around 280, and I was just going to stay between that guy and the woman and child because he was not going to hit that little girl again or the mother if I could help it.Well when I yelled for the store to call the police, he lost his mind it seemed. He tried to rush me twice. The first time he tried to grab me and lunged and I just side-stepped him, the second time he grabbed my shirt and tried to to punch me in the face. That time I defended myself and dropped him. He was only about 5-10 and probably only weighed 160 pounds or so so I was not too worried about being able to protect myself.By this point several employees and customers had come to my aid and we kept him sitting and away from the woman and little girl who at this point were both bleeding.The police get there and after hearing the story of what happened they check his name and find he is wanted for other crimes and arrest him for that and for the Domestic Violence charges.The police then proceed to handcuff me and start to take me out of the store. The other customers who were witnesses along with the store manager tell the police to stop as I did nothing wrong. I was honestly in shock, I never argued with the policeman and was very polite when telling him what happened.He told them I was being arrested for disorderly conduct and assault. At that point the scene turned pretty ugly for a bit with the insults being throw at the police by the other witnesses. Eventually a second policeman there, who I actually know, came in and straightened out the whole thing. He came in took charge of the situation and in 30 seconds flat, I was un-handcuffed and he said he was sorry for the mistake.The longer I sit here after this happened, the more I think what else should I have done?Do I let a little girl get hit again before I do something? Do I just let the guy beat his girlfriend and do nothing to keep from getting arrested?I thanked the other people who stood up for me, they really helped me out tonight and I thanked the store employees as well.I have never been arrested, I am 43, and have lived a pretty normal life. When I was in college I probably should have been arrested, but I never have and have never really thought about it to be honest with you. The worst thing I ever got was a ticket for not having my licence on me as I left my wallet at home by accident once.I was always taught as a kid and told as an adult to stand up for others who need your help, but to me it seems like if you do you might pay a bigger price for it than they do. I got lucky that the guy was not armed with something. I got lucky that I actually knew a police officer there.I was already having issues with humanity as a whole, but this has not helped the things running through my mind right now. So again what would you have done and what was the right thing to do?