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Welcome to my quest!?

First, a quick disclaimer. The views on D/s expressed herein are purely my personal views. I know some people become extremely territorial about their D/s doctrine, and are quick to pounce on anyone who advocates a different viewpoint. However, I believe D/s is extremely personal to each person. What works for me might not necessarily work for you. So, in a nutshell, I ask you to respect my views on the subject, as I respect yours. Now back to our regularly scheduled program. . .

For a long time, I knew I had submissive tendencies, but I had difficulties coming to grips with it. After all, I'm in a highly competitive profession, where being in control of every detail is essential. Did I really want to turn over the control of my life to another person? I grappled with that question for a long time. After considerable thought, it occurred to me that my submissive tendencies may stem from a need for balance. Although I want (and need) to be extremely dominant in my professional life, the idea of surrendering a portion of my control is appealing to me. Once I arrived at this conclusion, I became at peace with my submissive desires.

People sometimes IM me and ask me questions about what I'm looking for in a Domme. My reply is always "I don't know." That is not an evasive response, it is simply the truth. Seeking out another human being is not like checking off the option list when buying a new car. The person to whom I'm ultimately attracted to may be completely different from what I've envisioned. So, I tend to keep a very open mind, although I can give you some general parameters.

As a threshold matter, physical characteristics are not particularly important to me. Height, weight, age are all of low priority. However, with regard to last factor, I must admit I find the wisdom of older women very appealing.

I'm not that comfortable with "gentle" or "sensual" Dommes. Not to insult those who practice this style of domination, but it seems to me to be more of a glorified bedroom game.

I also have virtually no respect for "financial" Dommes. There is something very disturbing about a woman who views domination as something which can be sold. Moreover, I question whether anyone can be dominated by someone who is paid to do so. If I pay you, I view you as my employee, under my control. If I pay you to dominate me, I am essentially dominating myself, which defeats the whole purpose of the exercise. For the same reasons, I don't think e-mail or telephone domination is possible.

I think sadists may practice one of the purest form of dominants, though I have some reservations about seeking out a sadist, as I am not a masochist. Still, the thought of my body existing as a canvas of pain for the pleasure of another has some appeal to me. Perhaps because much of my life has been spent in intellectual pursuits, the idea of being reduced to a "body" interests me.

Despite the latter thoughts, most of my views on submission revolve around the mental aspects of control. Control can certainly be manifested in physical terms, such as ropes, but it is most exciting to me when it results from the imposition of another's will over me. I've often said that doing the dishes could be an extremely erotic experience if I knew I was doing it at the direction of another. I think asserting control over me would be something of a challenge, as I tend to question authority. However, I suspect that most Dommes prefer a strong-willed sub rather than the typical "beat me, Ma'am" doormat sub.

Finally, I'd like to make it clear that while D/s is very important to me, it does not mean I don't have other interests.? Here are some assorted "vanilla" facts about me in no particular order: I am a professional with an advanced degree, which means I learned a lot of useless things in school. I like to think of myself as intellectual and intensely curious.? Music is very important to me, and I have played guitar (badly) since I was fourteen.? I enjoy history, particularly first century Roman history, which I believe has important parallels to our own time.? I'm a fountain of useless trivia and I have a peculiar attraction to bad 70's sci-fi (Battlestar Galactica) as well as quirky British sci-fi (Red Dwarf).??When I was growing up, I had a desire to live in a trailer on Malibu Beach like Jim Rockford (that was before the days when Mel Gibson bought all of Malibu).? The three albums I would take if?I was marooned on a desert island are (1)?"Live at Leeds" by the Who; (2) "Making Movies" by Dire Straits and (3) "Second's Out" by?Genesis.? I have two cats, both of whom were undoubtably Dommes in their prior lives, as they demand complete servitude on my behalf.?????

Well, that's a brief snapshot of who I am, both in the D/s context and in vanilla life.? I'd like to think I have the right qualities to serve a Domme,?but I don't pretend to know or understand every aspect of this lifestyle, and I'm always anxious to learn more. If you have an thoughts to share with me, I'd enjoy hearing from you. Thanks for reading!



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1/21/2016 8:13:07 PM
Although I haven't had a lot of true BDSM experiences, I have an interesting story from my college days. At the time, I was dating a girl who was not really dominant, but had a definite kinky side. She was fascinated with bodily fluids and in particular had a fantasy about seeing a man swallow his own semen. I never really thought about doing that before, but the idea did turn me own. We tried doing it several times, but once I had my orgasm and ejaculated, I lost my desire to do it and became repulsed by it. She didn't want to force me to do it, so we pretty much gave up on the idea. One day, she was talking to one of her close girlfriends who was a nurse. Her friend told her about prostate massage, and how she could make me ejaculate without an orgasm. My girlfriend told me about what her nurse friend said, and I was skeptical, not to mention a little apprehensive when she told me it involved putting her finger up my butt. Nonetheless, she was so insistent that I agreed to let her try. She told me her friend said I should abstain from sex and masturbation for about a week to build up my semen. I was 23 at the time, and the idea of being celibate for a week did not make me happy. She proposed me the experience would be well worth the wait, so reluctantly, I agreed. By that Friday, it had been one week, and I was so horny I was ready to explode. When I arrived at my apartment after class, I saw my girlfriend had left a bag from the drugstore on the table. In it was a disposable enema, some KY jelly and a pair of rubber gloves. I didn't like the sight of any of those things, and I was contemplating masturbating just for the purpose of ending the whole idea there and then. Just then, my girlfriend walked in the apartment with her sweet smile and asked if I was ready for some fun. When she flashed me that smile, I couldn't hope to resist her. I told her I hated enemas, which I always used to get as a kid. She agreed that part was not much fun, but said her nurse friend told me it was important for me to get a good cleaning out first so it would be easier to reach my prostate. Knowing there was no way out, I picked up the enema and walked into the bathroom. After I used it, I took a shower and came out of the bathroom with only a towel around my waist. "All clean, inside and out?" She asked with a smile. I said, "yes, but so far, this plan hasn't been much fun for me." She replied, with a twinkle in her eyes, "Just wait!" We then went into the bedroom. She told me to get on all fours on the bed, with my butt near the end. I took off my towel and did as she said. She then put a glass goblet on the bed near my penis. "that's for your milk," she said, "and we want to make sure we don't spill a drop." Hearing her say that got me very excited for some reason, and my penis got rock hard. I heard her put on the rubber gloves. Next, she pulled my butt cheeks apart a little and I felt her put the cold jelly on my rectum. After that, she slowly inserted her finger. It hurt a little at first, but I tried to relax and it wen in easier. The initial pain of the insertion made my erection go down quickly. She felt around until she located my prostate, and when she did, I experienced a sudden rush of sensation. As she began to rub the gland, I felt pleasure, but also a sense of needing to pee very badly. Her nurse friend told us I might get this feeling, but I really wouldn't pee. My penis was sort of semi-hard during this time, and it moved a little as she massage the prostate. Suddenly, I began to feel a little wetness in my urethra. I looked down and could see a little bead of semen. I blurted out, "it's happening!" She kept massaging and told me to hold the glass under my penis. Slowly, the semen began to come out. It wasn't like an ejaculation, where the semen shoots out; rather, it sort of oozed out. I didn't feel the strong contractions I felt during ejaculation, it was more like when I would finish peeing and the last few drops of pee would trickle out. Plus, seeing the semen come out of my semi soft penis was a weird sight. Finally, it stopped oozing, and I felt her pull her finger out of my rectum. She took off her gloves and rushed over to pick up the glass goblet. It didn't have much semen in it, probably about a teaspoon or so. But my girlfriend marveled at it. She told me, "Just think, I forced this out of you!" I still felt aroused by the whole scene, unlike when I had an orgasm. My penis was getting hard again, and I could see the tip was still wet. "Now comes the time we have been waiting for" she said. Handing me the goblet, she said, "I want you to pour it on your tongue, but don't swallow until I tell you to. I want to see it on your tongue." Trembling, I stuck out my tongue and poured the semen out. It dripped out of the goblet like mucus from a running nose. It felt weird on my tongue and had a very sharp taste and smelled a little like Comet cleanser. In spite of being turned on, I felt like I wanted to gag. My girlfriend pulled down her panties and started rubbing herself at the sight of the white semen on my tongue. "Now swallow it!" she commanded. As I did, she grabbed me and began French kissing me to taste the semen in my mouth. We broke up not too long after that, and I've never been milked since. Still, I enjoyed the experience, and would love to repeat it one day!

11/4/2015 8:27:41 PM
i recently had an opportunity to recount a childhood spanking memory, and I thought I would add it to my journal. Like most real life spanking memories, it isn't particularly interesting, but it might provide some insights into my thoughts on guilt, punishment and redemption. I'll preface this by saying my mother, while strong willed, did not generally believe in spanking. I got yelled at and might occasionally get a poorly aimed swat on my bottom, but nothing that could be even charitably called a spanking. That all changed when I was 7. I can't render all the circumstances leading up to it exactly, but I recall I went to the hair salon with my mother. I was cutting up, and running around while my mother got her hair set. I remember knocking over a hair dryer, and spilling some products. The shop owner told my mother something like, "that boy needs some discipline or he will turn into one of those hoodlums that end up in jail." I remember thinking I didn't like the idea of being a hoodlum or ending up in jail, but I didn't really pay her much attention and kept running around. That's when my mother got really mad. I remember her telling me, "when we get home, you are going to get a spanking." Those words kind of stopped me in my tracks. As I said, I had never been really spanked, but some of my friends had, and from what they told me, it didn't sound like a pleasant experience. Still, I figured my mom wasn't serious, and probably just said it for the benefit of the shop owner. The whole way home in the car, though, she didn't say a word and had a very stern expression on her face. When I tried to turn on the radio, she said "leave it alone" and I pulled my hand back. We drove in silence the rest of the way. When we got home, she immediately sent me to my room and told me to wait for her. She didn't say the word spanking, but in my heart, I knew that's what was going to happen. As I climbed the stairs to my room, I remember feeling a fear in the pit of my stomach. My mouth felt dry and my hands were shaking. I sat on the bed and began to think of plans. Part of me felt guilty for what I did at the hair salon and realized I might need punishment to stop me from being a hoodlum and ending up in jail. On the other hand, part of me wanted to get out of the spanking. Maybe I could apologize and change her mind. Maybe I could pretend I was sick and lock myself in the bathroom. But before I could formulate any plans, she came in with a wooden hairbrush and told me I was going to get what I deserved. She told me to stand up and then she pulled down my shorts and underwear. I remember feeling the cool air from the air conditioner on my bare cheeks. She told me to bend over. I was bawling before she even started. She gave me about ten smacks. Honestly, I don't remember how hard they were. I recall they hurt, but they were so quick, I didn't have time to react to each one. The spanking probably took all of two minutes, but in my mind, it lasted for hours. I don't remember much about what happened later, but I seem to recall my mother cooking dinner and everything returning to normal, with no mention of the spanking. After dinner, I took my bath as always, and I remember I looking at my still red and sore butt in the bathroom mirror. I remember thinking it was humiliating to see the evidence of my punishment. But at the same time, I felt sort of liberated. I had been bad, but now I had paid for my misdeed. My mother was no longer mad and nothing more would be said about what I had done. I was starting with a clean slate. When I woke up the next morning, I ran to the mirror, pulled down my pajamas and looked at my butt. It returned to its ordinary white. And so, it seemed, had my soul...

4/20/2013 6:46:34 PM


"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun."

 

Ecclesiastes 1:9


4/20/2013 6:32:57 PM

After reviewing numerous profiles both here and elsewhere, it occurs to me that many disciplinarians discuss limits and indicate they will respect the submissive’s limitations with regard to corporal punishment.  It seems to me this is counterproductive to effective discipline.  I understand the desire to make the submissive feel comfortable with the relationship.  However, I think giving the submissive too much control over the nature of the punishment severely reduces any deterrent value the discipline might otherwise have.

Discipline is and should be an unpleasant experience.  But if I am allowed to select the parameters of my discipline, I can choose something which I know I will be able to accept.  Thus, I have already set the punishment to a minimal level which will not have any particular deterrent value.

By way of analogy, look to criminal penalties.  Suppose the state allowed each person to select the fine they will pay if they are caught speeding.   I could set my fine at $1.  Such a low fine would have no deterrent value at all, and I could speed at will, despite being “punished” by being fined $1.  In the same way, if I tell my disciplinarian she can spank me for any offense, but can only administer five light smacks with her palm, the “punishment” is little more than a token exercise.

Now, I’m not saying you have to be beaten to a bloody pulp in order for discipline to be effective.  Under many circumstances, five light smacks might be appropriate punishment, but the difference is that the disciplinarian makes the selection, not me.  If I have selected the right disciplinarian, I know I can trust her to administer the appropriate and necessary punishment.  In some cases, I might think the punishment is too lenient and in some cases, I might think it is too harsh, but the difference is that it is not within my control.  Therein lies the deterrent value. 

You might say, “well, that makes sense in theory, but what if my disciplinarian turns out to be a psychopathic sadist who wants to beat me into unconsciousness for fun?”   My response is that if you were careful during the selection process, you would  have developed enough information to trust your disciplinarian and would know that he or she would be acting in your best interests.  And frankly, if the person does turn out to be a psychopathic sadist, he or she probably won’t respect your safeword anyway.  It is why this is a dangerous game we play.  Caution, trust and common sense are paramount.

Anyway, those are some brief thoughts of mine.  Disagreement is welcome.

Respectfully submitted,

James  


9/12/2009 11:56:07 AM

One thing that has fascinated me as I have learned more about the D/s lifestyle is that it gives me tools to understand earlier experiences in my life which I thought were impossible to categorize. For example, I remember an experience over twenty years ago. I was visiting my then-girlfriend after returning from a business trip. She was cleaning up, so being the thoughtful guy I am, I decided to help by emptying out her bathroom garbage can. As I did so, a freshly-used condom fell out. Since I had been away for over a week, I knew there was only one explanation, namely, that our supposedly-monogamous relationship was not what I thought it was.

Of course, my vanilla side was devastated that she would betray my trust, and we ultimately broke up over it. Nonetheless, I remember at the time that I felt strangely turned on by the whole series of events. There was something very erotic about her in bed with another man behind my back. I felt very conflicted -- how could I be so hurt while at the same time, so aroused by this?

Now, through the filter of twenty years experience, I realize I was trying to understand my experience through vanilla eyes only and my vanilla mind told me I was supposed to be deeply hurt. But my kinky side (which I didn't yet understand) was telling me this was a very arousing experience that I would have liked to have repeated. Once I learned about cuckolding fantasies, it suddenly came together in my mind, and I understood what i couldn't understand twenty years ago.

If I knew then what I know now, it may have been the start of a very interesting relationship!


7/5/2009 5:15:11 PM
If you have read my prior journal entries, you know I’m not much of a masochist.  In fact, I’m a major chicken when it comes to pain.  But lately, I’ve been thinking about the pure sensation of getting a good, old fashioned whipping.  I’m not talking about a punishment whipping, nor does the whipping have to be a control thing.  Rather, I’m imagining meeting a woman who has always wanted to give a man a whipping.  She might have her own reasons.  She might want to get her frustrations out, she might want to get back at men in general.  I really don’t care.  I want
to gratify her desires to give a whipping, while at the same time gratifying my desire to get a whipping.  What are my  motivations?  Maybe it is traditional Christian guilt, maybe it is a deep
seated need to atone for something I did and have long since forgot.  At the end of the day, it is
symbiotic thing: her need to give a whipping meeting my desire to get a whipping.  

How would it be done?  Maybe a causal conversion first, some pleasantries disguising the true
primal desires just beneath our civilized exteriors.  The anticipation for the moment when she would say, “OK, let’s get down to business.”  In her hand, I would see the instrument, her soft
hands holding the cool, unyielding leather.  Perhaps she would take me outside, where on old clothesline pole waits in the moonlight.  I approach it like it is my personal cross, my shortcut to
salvation.  At the single command  -- “strip”  – I shed my clothes and my identity.  I am now just a piece of flesh.  In silence, she ties my hands to the pole.  Even though the night is warm and sultry, the metal of the pole is cold against my helpless hands.  As she moves away from me and draws her arm back, my adventures begins. 

It’s up to you to tell me the rest of the story....

2/1/2008 7:14:14 PM

I’ve been thinking about the nature of control lately. In an attempt to develop an understanding of the concept, I’ve come up with two different hypothetical scenarios. In Scenario "A," my ninety-year-old aunt calls me up and asks me if I could vacuum her carpet because her arthritis makes it impossible her to do it alone. Being the all around great guy I am, I gladly volunteer to help her and spend the next two hours vacuuming up cat litter which has been compacted in the carpet since 1975. Upon completion, I experience the satisfaction of helping someone in need (as well as severe allergy symptoms from inhaling cat litter), but I don’t have any "kink" feelings as a result of my actions. Now let’s look at Scenario "B." In that scenario, my hypothetical Domme orders me to report to her house and directs me to vacuum the orange shag carpet in her "dungeon" (actually a spare bedroom painted in day-glo green) and advises me there will be serious consequences if the shag is not restored to its retro glory. As I perform my task, I feel an erotic sense of fulfillment knowing that I am under her control. What is the distinction between these two scenarios? Obviously, my physical action (vacuuming the carpet) is identical in both Scenario "A" and Scenario "B." Therefore, the difference must be in my mental state. In Scenario "A," I’m doing a voluntary act for my aunt. I’m free to leave at any time. There are no consequences if I don’t do my work. By contrast, in Scenario "B," I’m doing an involuntary act – I’m acting under the control of my Domme and subject to punishment if I don’t do my task properly. Thus, an essential element of control must be the ability to impose consequences for the failure to act or the failure to act properly. Don’t believe me? In that case, think of a non-kink example. For instance, consider the payment of taxes to the government. If you fail to pay your taxes, the government doesn’t look at you with sad eyes or tells you how disappointed it is in you. Instead, it fines you or puts you in jail. Through the threat of consequences, the government exercises control over you to force you to engage in an act you might not otherwise voluntarily do. As seen in this example, it is potential of punishment (regardless of whether punishment is actually given) which is an essential element of control. I’m not saying it is the ONLY element, but I think it is a fundamental aspect. In some future entries, I’ll try to examine some other elements. As always, your enlightened comments are welcome.


1/18/2008 6:38:14 PM
I watched an interesting interview with Eric Clapton yesterday.  As you probably know, Clapton had a very torrid affair in the early 70's with Patti Boyd, who was married to George Harrison at the time.  Patti is the subject of Clapton's song "Layla," which I always thought was the perfect expression of yearning and  desire for the perfect woman.  But in the interview (which was done in 1999), Clapton wondered whether he was really in love with Patti or even capable of love at the time.  He explained that during the time, he was deep into his addiction phase, and he wondered if Patti was just another form of addiction, like drugs or alcohol.  Once he married Patti, he lost his obsession for her.  His response made me think of my own failed love affair back in 1989.  Now that I see it through the dull haze of twenty years gone, I ask myself was it really love or was it obsession?  Would my life had turned out any different if I had ended up with her, or would I have realized I never really wanted her in the first place?  Those are questions I'll never be able to answer, but Clapton's insight into the human condition never ceases to amaze me.  "Please don't say we'll never find a way, or tell me all my love's in vain."

1/11/2008 6:29:16 PM
My caseload at work has been horrendous lately, so my online excursions have been limited.  Hoprefully, things will calm down soon.  If you've send me mail, I will most definitely respond, although I might not be as prompt as usual.  

In other news, my obsession with Dickey Betts' guitar solos remains unabated.  I'm close to figuring out all of his solo to "Blue Sky" (from 1972's "Eat A Peach").  There is something about his tone on that solo that just blows me away.  Being the model of humility that I am, I would never suggest that my tone is as good as Dickey's, but I will tell you that I am getting VERY close.  

On an unrelated note, Mardi Gras is getting close (Feb. 5).  If you plan on coming to New Orleans, I'm open to your reasonably indecent proposals.... 

12/20/2007 7:07:50 PM

Perhaps you heard that Dan Fogelberg died recently.  I wasn't a big fan of his music, but he wrote one of my favorite holiday-themed songs, "Same Old Lang Syne."  If you aren't familar with the song, it tells the story of a man who meets his former lover in a grocery store on a snowy Christmas Eve.  The two begin talking about old times, and she tells him how she has gotten married to an architect, though apparently more for money than love.  They engage in some idle chat, but as the narrator says, "we tried to reach beyond the emptiness, but neither one knew how."  The song ends as she drives away, leaving the narrator alone as the snow turns to rain and a saxophone softly quotes the melody to "Auld Lang Syne."   I guess the song has a special appeal to me because I had a similar experience when I encountered my first girlfriend in a grocery store one night.  Like the couple in the song, we engaged in some meaningless chatter, but the whole time we talked, my mind was racing with thoughts of what could have been.  How many Christmases we could have shared together, how many laugh and tears we could have had together.  I imagined what it would have been like to grow old with her, perhaps walking slowly through the park on a cool autumn day watching our grandchildren play.  Yet, as she walked away, I realized none of that ever would be.  As in the song, the magic of snow turned into the reality of rain.  Oh well, thanks, Dan, for capturing all those feelings in your song.  


12/15/2007 9:17:23 PM

We tend to think of D/s as a modern concept, but of course it is not.  One look at the flagellation scenes in the wall paintings in the Villa of the Mysteries in Pompeii demonstrates that we are not doing anything the Romans weren't doing 2,000 years earlier.  In that regard, it seems to me that the idea of female domination of men is something that is hard-wired into our brains.  The concept of the mother Goddess (Cybele in Roman mythology) is something men see reflected in every woman.  The priests of Cybele engaged in self-castration, both as a reenactment of the act of devotation by Cybele's son Attis as well as an attempt to become more feminine.  In modern times, the formal religious aspect is no longer present (although the reference in Matthew 19:12 is fascinating), but men are still trying to learn how to worship the Goddess.  Seen in this light, I believe my subvmissive nature is not a "kink" but rather, is are part of my nature, and the nature of all men going back to the dawn of civilization. 

Your comments and obervations are invited.


7/7/2007 1:34:52 PM
"Old Jimmy sits alone in the moonlight,
Saw his woman kiss another man,
So he takes a ladder and steals the stars from the sky,
Puts on Sinatra and starts to cry...."

5/25/2007 7:55:08 PM
Few quotes sum up my philosphy of life as well as the words of Sir Henry Royce:

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.”

11/21/2006 6:34:15 PM
I've been feeling a little under the weather lately, so I went to my doctor.  He diagnosed me as having a sinus infection, prescribed some medications and ordered that I be given a shot.  The nurse then came in, and I began rolling up my sleeve in preparation.  She shook her head, and said, "this one is in the hip -- drop your pants."  As I pulled down my pants and bent over,  I got a little thrill from the humilation of baring my bottom in the presence of a strange woman.  I imagined for a second what it would be like if she reached for a paddle and gave me a sound spanking instead of a shot.  Unfortunately, the quick jab of the needle brought me back to reality, and it was all over.  Oh well, at least I can dream, can't I?

11/4/2006 6:45:46 PM
Today's thought for the day comes from Gilbert O'Sullivan, who succinctly echoed my thoughts after my last break-up:


In a little while from now/

If I’m not feeling any less sour/

I promise myself to treat myself/

And visit a nearby tower/

And climbing to the top will throw myself off/

In an effort to make it clear to who/

Ever what it’s like when you’re shattered/

Left standing in the lurch at a church/

Where people saying: "My God, that’s tough/

She's stood him up"/

No point in us remaining/

We may as well go home/

As I did on my own/

Alone again, naturally.

11/3/2006 8:48:58 PM

Post-Halloween Thoughts: Was Dracula in the Lifestyle?

Halloween has always been one of my favorite holidays. These days, I don't do much to celebrate it, but I do enjoy dusting off the old B&W horror movies.  This year's viewing was Bela Lugosi in Dracula. 

As I was watching it, I recalled an article I read a few years ago about the sexual overtones in Bram Stoker's original 1897 novel, especially when considered in the context of Victorian times.  By putting women under his spell, the vampire essentially took away any moral responsibility on the part of his victims.  Stated in other words, the victim is able to engage in (and enjoy) forbidden acts with no stigma or guilt because the victim has no control.

I've tried applying that analogy to D/s, and I think it is a fitting one.  There may be some acts which the sub would never consider requesting on his own, but when these acts are done at the direction of the dominant, the sub is freed from any internal moral dillemma.  For example (to borrow from one of my earlier topics), I would not ask a vanilla girlfriend to engage in golden showers, because more than likely, she would perceive me as "sick" and I'd probably view myself the same way for asking.  On the other hand, if my dominant orders me to submit to a golden shower, my moral judgment about the act is suspended, because my only role is to please my dominant.  Thus, I can enjoy the act without feeling any guilt.

Interesting thoughts to ponder when the moon grows full....      


10/28/2006 7:08:16 PM
Topic for tonight: Sex and Submission (almost as catchy as "Sex and the City." isn't it?) 

One of the trickiest things for me to come to terms with as I explore my submissive side is the interrelation of sex and submission.   I know that many of the vanilla-types who dabble in D/s see it as sort of a foreplay activity, but to me, such a characterization dilutes the purity of the relationship.  As I see it, if I derive any sexual satisfaction from the relationship with my dominant, it means I am not fully committed to serving her.  On the other hand, I can't deny that there is strong sexual overtone inherent in any D/s relationship.

Those who have talked with me before know that I'm fairly well-versed in ancient philosophy.  One of the themes that runs through Hellenistic thought is that anything related to the spirit is pure, but anything related to the body is animalistic.  That viewpoint reached its peak in the writing of St. Augustine in the 4th century, in which he concluded that sexual intercourse for any purpose other than reproduction interfered with our spirituality.  That philosphy became a fundamental part of medieval Christian thought and remains with us today.  Insofar as I consider my submission as part of my spiritual nature and my sexual desires as part of my animal nature, I might be experiencing that same conflict that Augustine felt.

I don't claim to have any resolution of this conflict, but if you have any thoughts, please feel free to write. 

10/21/2006 1:36:18 PM
"Forecast for tonight -- scattered to numerous golden showers. . . ."  Imagine that forecast on the Weather Channel! 

I've been thinking about the topic of g/s lately.  Frankly, it has never been one of my big kinks, but I'm surprised to see the number of women who list it as a turn-on.  In fact, I recently had a female friend who is very vanilla confide in me that she had g/s fantasies, although she has never acted on them.

It made me wonder whether g/s has a unique appeal from the female standpoint. From the sub male's perspective (i.e., being on the receiving end), it is definitely an act of domination and humilation.  However, I suspect there is a different psychology from the female's view.  While the male receives tangible physical sensations (the sight of the female standing over him, the warmth of the liquid), the female receives no significant stimulation from the act.  This leads me to believe it is more of a symbolic act from the female's side.  Is it the female equivalent of ejaculation -- i.e., sharing fluid with your partner?  Does it make the female feel empowered in this regard?  Or, is it an act of physical intimacy, sort of like "swapping spit" during a French kiss?  I've read that primates often urinate on each other -- perhaps this is an act hard-wired into our brains.

This topic really fascinates me, not only from a D/s aspect but as something that goes to the heart of our sexual identity.  I'm considering writing an in-depth article on it, but I need to do a lot more research.  If you have any experiences or observations, please share them with me.

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missflower
 
 Age: 35
  Illinois