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sharpestcookie
Hetero Female, 36, RiversideCounty, California 
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sharpestcookie

Hello, it's me. It's been...6 years since my last try, sheesh. Here we go!

Who I Am

I'm a human being, first and foremost. I have my own thoughts and feelings, and like to think about really dumb stuff way too hard sometimes. Femdom media doesn't represent me at all, so it's a good idea to approach this profile with few misconceptions. I tend to subvert stereotypes by existing as I do, and by having hard limits where there usually are none and vice versa. My kinks are fun, hot, and enjoyable for me, not degrading, dehumanizing, or insulting. This can all be off-putting for potential partners, so I'm putting it near the top for easier reading.

I hate wearing heels, love bright colors, and don't own a single piece of leather clothing or a corset. I'm just your atypical nice suburban lifestyle dominant who loves rimming and blow jobs :)

As an avid indoors enthusiast, I love gay romance novels, colorful and weird things, puzzles of all kinds, innovative ideas, making my own torture implements, board and computer games, and crafting.  I enjoy watching British sitcoms and dramas, and fiddling with tech. I'm learning hydroponics so I can grow corn and bananas and veggies in my living room, just to say I did it. I got my bike updated so I can ride it soon, and I love road trips. I can be the life of the party if I have to be, but it's tiring. I am hopeless in the kitchen.

Other Specs

Single. Few people have held my interest long enough to date, and I've never been married.

Mostly monogamous. A solid mFm relationship is an appealing idea, however unlikely it may be.

Straight, cis, and on the asexual spectrum (demisexual and aegosexual). Basically, I think about sex from a distant, third-person perspective when I'm not in a relationship. I don't insert myself into fantasies when I think about sex. I have zero desire to engage in anything sexual with you until and unless we form an extremely close emotional attachment. This means that if you are expecting sex or sex-adjacent activities before a committed relationship, then I am not the right person for you.

Average-looking fat black woman. I'm almost 6ft tall, with shoulder-length hair, and I do strength and cardio training 2-3 times per week. I like to eat healthy foods and practice good self-care. 

Industrial designer. I create useful things that people, well, use every day.

My Dating Style

My dating style is in-person undates - hanging out as friends who want to pursue a relationship with each other. No dressing up, no pressure. Just having fun, going on quests, and learning a bit about each other in the process. I am uninterested in long-distance or online only. Although my timeline is comparatively glacial, we will meet in person. Until we do, we will talk often. My love languages are tied between receiving thoughtful gifts and acts of service. I like the little things - a weird rock that you found that makes you think of me, a handmade card, remembering my favorite strap-on, or chores done just right.

Who I'm Looking For

I'm looking for a nice suburban sub or slave interested in a long-term relationship with a dominant woman. Ideally a masochist, but not at all required. They should be thoughtful, clever, selfless, anticipatory, gentle, somewhat clingy, equally weird, into similar dark kinks, and kind. They should be open to being loved and valued (and to doing so in return), to forming a deeply intimate and lasting bond...and also to being tortured from time to time. I also have a self-improvement kink, where my partner and I work together to be the best version of ourselves possible. Aesthetically, my extremely narrow window of primary sexual attraction means that my ideal partner would fall under the androgynous, genderfluid, CD/TV, or femboy labels. Thanks to being demi, I can sometimes develop secondary sexual attraction to other types - but the further from this aesthetic we go, the more difficult or impossible it becomes.

Must-Haves

  • Age 27 to 45 If you are younger than 27 or older than 45, DO NOT CONTACT ME.
  • Androgynous, genderfluid, CD/TV, or femboy
  • White
  • Male or AMAB sub or slave
  • Straight, bi, or pan
  • Disease free (I get cold sores occasionally, so if you do too, that's okay)
  • Drug and alcohol free, currently and permanently
  • Dog/cat free (extremely allergic)
  • Considers good mental, emotionaly, and physical health a priority

Who I'm Not Looking For

  • People who use honorifics like goddess, mistress, ma'am, etc. when messaging total strangers
  • Anyone who actively seeks a partner who will cause them permanent physical or emotional harm
  • Anyone who has refused the COVID-19 vaccine or boosters for political or religious reasons
  • Anyone who has a problem with my continued mask-wearing (friend is high-risk)
  • Anyone seeking casual, permanently long-distance, or online-only relationships
  • Cuckolds, sissies, or brats
  • Chastity, bondage, or foot fetishists
  • Chubby chasers or feeders 
  • Misogynists, misandrists, or believers in any form of supremacy
  • People who refer to themselves in third person (it, this sub, this slave, etc)
  • Anyone unwilling or unable to give or receive penetrative sex
  • Homophobes, political conservatives, or religious people

Contact Instructions

  • List all of the must-haves above, one by one; do not leave any out
  • Next to each item, write "yes" and/or elaborate on how you meet them, e.g. "Straight, bi, or pan - yes, straight"
  • Write at least 5 sentences about yourself as a person, not only your kinks; the more you write, the more likely I am to reply
  • Do not call me by honorifics such as goddess, mistress, ma'am, etc.; use my username to address me
  • I am open to platonic friendships; clearly write "platonic friendship only" in your message, or else I will presume you are seeking a relationship and chose to ignore the contact instructions

Remember: Must-haves are not optional.

If you felt this profile was one big tl;dr, we're definitely not a match :)

12/17/2023 1:20:39 AM: There is a huge communication gap between lifestyle dominant women (dominant women who are not seeking a transactional relationship) and subs/slaves/switches. Did you know that some of us will contact you first? Did you also know that you can cut down on the spam you receive as well as the spam you send? I will happily contact guys who are as clear as I am in their profiles about what they're looking for and who are compatible. I actually get excited about finally having an intelligent conversation when I see this. However, that almost never happens. Profiles are usually void of any substance or meaning, extremely ifying, outright offensive, or full of off-putting pics. I avoid contacting incompatible people because I, too, would not want to be contacted by incompatible people. I have no way of knowing if there's a possible match, so my message goes unsent. Also, I will not contact you if your profile is clear we are not a match, because again, I would not want to be contacted by someone if I made it clear in my profile that we are not a match. Guys generally have no such compunction - but you should. This is a key difference in communication styles that you really need to understand. Think of it like looking for work: For the sake of this exercise, the person contacted is the employer, the dynamic is the job, and your initial message and profile are the cover letter and resume respectively. You are looking for a job, and instead of tailoring your resume and cover letter to what the employer is seeking, you use the same ones for every position and spam them everywhere in hopes of getting an interview. For the most part, any position will do. Doing this doesn't really increase your chances; your results will actually be the same or worse (the employer begins automating their filters and you fall through the cracks more and more often). You absolutely can and should stop looking before you resort to the spray-and-pray method. Take a breath. Discover a new hobby, or something. On the other hand, I tailor my cover letter and resume based on what the employer is seeking, and I only send it when I find a position that matches what I'm looking for. The problem is that the jobs I want to apply to are extremely limited because the employer has written almost nothing about what the job entails, or the content and tone are off-putting. 'We're looking for a rock star ninja cowboy!!!!' or such crap. At some point, it's so disheartening and exhausting to find jobs that I stop looking for them. I take a breath. I discover a new hobby. We both have similar expectations of no or negative response, and the bar is so low that it's in hell for everyone involved, but we still approach the search differently time after time. Submissive men rarely contact us using focus and intention, but lifestyle dominant women are most likely relying on focus and intention to contact you. ---------- Tips on writing your profile and first message: Be clear in your communication. This will require you to think, so if you're currently checking out profiles with your hand in your pants, come back to this journal entry when your brain is online. Be clear about the type of dominant and dynamic you're looking for. Any hint of 'anyone will do please please contact me mistress' and you're targeting pros and scammers. Although it seems counterintuitive, DO include aesthetic characteristics that are important to you. For example, be clear that you are seeking women of certain ethnicities, ages, orientations, gender identities, and body sizes. If you are open to anyone, be sure you mean anyone - as in, make an exhaustive list of exactly who 'anyone' includes. If we see that this list includes us, and the rest of your profile resonates with us, we are more likely to contact you. Be clear that you consider dominant women human beings with feelings. Your profile and message should talk to us as though we're regular people, because we are. Using honorifics such as ma'am, goddess, mistress, etc. to address strangers is, again, targeting transactional relationships. You and the dominants you contact are not yet in a consenting dynamic, so no honorifics should be used by either party. You will get messages from people whothink you're an idiot and easy mark, then you'll question why you're only getting messages from these people. Using deors that refer to ethnicity, gender and sexual minorities, body size, etc. when corresponding with us is the fast track to being blocked, e.g. 'I love black women', 'BBW Asian women are my favorite'. Don't do this. You've just turned us into demographics and s to gawk at, not people. Be clear that you need certain things in a dynamic. Describe what you like or dislike about specific kinks with minimal fappiness. Describe specific types of aftercare you may need. Talk about exactly what you need from a dynamic. This will require you to think. It's okay to need things; describing them will help you find the right person instead of all the wrong ones. However, make room for your future dominant's needs as well, and don't presume to know what these are before you even talk to them. Don't confuse your needs with wants; this way lies an unfulfilling dynamic. Be clear if you are looking for a transactional relationship. Being deceptive will just waste everyone's time. Lifestyle dominants are not sex workers who will dispense your fetishes in the requested amount for free. If you come across any dominant seeking an exchange of goods and/or services, they are who you are looking for. And yes, this includes 'tribute' - lifestyle dominants do not filter out time-wasters by requiring things in exchange for their time...sigh. ---------- If you don't want to do any of this because it's too difficult, you should rethink if you're ready to search for anyone at all. This lifestyle requires thought and planning. Your ability to exhibit these qualities in your profile and messages will hugely benefit you. These suggestions are really the bare minimum for lifestyle dominant women to contact you, and the bare minimum in this community is enough to make you stand out. Oh, and remember how I said that some of us are willing to contact you? Unfortunately, societal norms such as waiting for men to approach us first are still reinforced in the femdom community, and plenty adhere to the kinky princess dominant in the tower, 'someday my sub prince will come' philosophy. These ladies will never contact you, ever.

11/26/2023 9:40:41 AM: If you do not meet my must-haves, don't contact me. Don't send 'if only you didn't want ___ I'd fit' messages. This play for manipulation/sympathy/exceptions doesn't work on me, and shows you don't respect me or other women as people who know themselves better than you think you know them. Don't lie about about reading my profile when you clearly did not. It's extremely obvious you didn't, and lying is a bad look. Also don't lie about your age, ethnicity, etc.  It doesn't increase your chances, and if I find out, I'm done. Yet again, respect my choice to not choose you.  

11/26/2023 9:40:27 AM: Male wives, sissification, forced bi, and forced fem (from Fet) This is a long overdue update to a previous post. It felt kind of vague when I first wrote it 6 years ago, but with new insight, I'm going to attempt a bit of clarification. Why am I looking for a male wife? I only experience initial primary sexual attraction to a very narrow subset of people (thanks, demisexuality). It shortens the extremely lengthy process of friendship and emotional compatibility leading to sexual attraction. To me, a male wife is more of a genderfluid, androgynous, or crossdressing AMAB who doesn't rigidly adhere to stereotypical gender roles in real life. Some buzzwords may include metrosexual or femboy. He finds enjoyment and comfort in incorporating stereotypically feminine roles, attitudes, and attire, just as I do on the masculine side of things. He craves the freedom that comes with true gender equality on all fronts. I think I have more in common with heteroflexible, bi, or pan guys (I, too, like men), but I'm definitely not turning away straight guys with a healthy mindset lol Anyway, he's generally also more confident in himself and open-minded in regards to exploring gender identity and sexuality in kink as well. If not, he's actively working on eliminating misogyny, misandry, or elements of toxic masculinity that may be causing him to struggle in his life. There's no sissification, forced feminization, or forced bisexuality. If this is you, contact me :) Why is sissification a hard no for me? Unfortunately, there's an element of misogyny and mockery of women related to sissification. Before you say 'not all sissies', please keep in mind that your counterparts are badly misrepresenting you. Personally, sissification gives me old-school minstrel vibes. A select few minstrels put on blackface and made a point to use it positively to honor and represent black people in a way that most white audiences had never experienced. Unfortunately, it was overwhelmingly used by white men to mock with offensive caricatures and harmful stereotypes for the pleasure of themselves and their audience. Think hard about why sissification is so prevalent in a subset of domination that's supposed to be woman-positive. It concerns me because your extremely loud counterparts seek a dominant woman, yet appear to believe that being a woman is somehow inferior. Are they honoring women by honestly representing us, or are they using it as a way to mock us with caricatures of ourselves and harmful stereotypes? Are they using that internalized misogyny to fuel their humiliation kink and to entertain their audience so they can all get off to it? (and before you come after me, I'm both black and a woman - so yes, I can make these comparisons and they are definitely fair) When I see so many people who identify as sissies looking like they just stumbled home after drinking heavily and puking in the bushes at a frat party, it's disheartening. The makeup is clownish and smeared, the outfit is hideous, the wig is terrible and crooked...it's just a mess, and it truly hurts to see ourselves represented this way. It's humiliating to us and to them, and I understand that humiliation may be their kink, but their future dominant may not want to see someone dressed as a caricature of themselves. This is likely why sissification doesn't sit well with the majority of lifestyle dominants, and they may not be able to explain it past a basic 'ew, no thanks.' Why are forced feminization and forced bisexuality a hard no for me? There's misandry and aspects of toxic masculinity related to forced feminization and forced bisexuality. There's rarely any true 'force' involved. Instead, there's a great deal of transferring emotional responsibility to the dominant to avoid feeling guilt for enjoying something they feel societal pressure to dislike because it's not considered 'manly.' I am completely uninterested in incels, alphas, or whatever ultra-toxic pick-up artist crap is going on out there. 2017 version of this post, titled 'Comparison: Male Wife vs. Male Partner in FLR' To me, a male wife is more of a genderfluid or androgynous man who doesn't adhere to masculine stereotypes and has no issue with it. There's no need to feminize him as he's already naturally more feminine in mindset and/or body than society prefers. When in womenswear, he prefers looking as natural as possible and eschews excessively frilly 'sissy' wear. He doesn't call himself a sissy, either, as the term has a negative connotation for me of 'femininity deserves humiliation and mockery.' He's generally also more confident in himself and open-minded in regards to exploring gender identity and sexuality in kink. In summary, if I tell this man he looks beautiful in a dress, he'd accept it as the compliment I intended. If this is you, send me a message. On the other hand, a male partner is more stereotypically masculine and more reticent to explore gender identity and sexuality in kink without being 'forced' to, e.g. forced bi, forced feminization, forced sissification. There's a great deal of transferring responsibility to the dominant to avoid feeling guilt for enjoying something they feel societal pressure to dislike because it's not considered 'manly.' It concerns me because they want a dominant woman, yet they believe being womanly is somehow inferior. In summary, if I tell this man he looks beautiful in a dress, he takes it as an insult or believes that I'm trying to humiliate him - which will either turn him on or repulse him. I'm not interested in this guy.

11/26/2023 9:35:49 AM: Stop contributing to the reason why 'there aren't any dominant women out there who aren't pros or scammers.' Yes, there are - and I'm one of them. By treating lifestyle dominants like we're empty-headed fetish dispensers, you increase the likelihood that we'll delete our profiles and find a hobby instead. Pull your zipper up for a minute and THINK.

4/4/2018 7:35:32 PM: I don't believe in female supremacy. Hold your horses, hang on to your britches, calm your man-tits, etc. I will explain. There are entirely too many women who lack the sense God gave a gnat, and I just don't think blindly saying all women should be held in high esteem because we have boobs and whatnot is the way to go. Similar ideals aren't true for men, either, so we should really rein in the double standards. I know it's not part of the fantasy, but reality must intrude at some point. As someone with a fabulous year-round tan, the word 'supremacy' also irks me in a way I shouldn't have to explain. Anyway, no, I don't think I'm better than any other person. Frankly, my self-esteem is high enough that it's simply not necessary for me to compare myself to others. I do believe that once I have proven my adroitness as a dominant, my needs and wants should come first. That doesn't make me better than my sub merely because I exist. It makes me more important to my sub because I've earned his trust, and he knows he is my top priority in return. There is a difference between being THE superior and demanding that your ARE superior just because you say so. For me, the latter would lead to a shallow existence devoid of all meaning.

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leli
 
 Age: 22
 Silverspring, Maryland