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First things first - This is 100% my philosophy in this: “We cannot own each other. We can only offer what is ours to give.” ― Sarah Fine. If you don't know who you are, who can you offer? If you don't have power, what can you possible exchange? If you cannot control yourself, whose control are you offering?
Do you know what frenzy is? Would you stand in the corner of a street and ask random strangers to dominate you and own you? Why do you feel inclined to do that here?
On a more casual note, I know, weird question, out of all the powerful women in the world (history or fiction), which one is your favorite and what are the positive and negative attributes of this woman?
Before you send me a message, know that my hard limits are: premature and theatrical protocol (if we have not negotiated how to address me, treat me like a normal person on your daily interactions; in layman terms, DO NOT CALL ME MISTRESS or anything that ends in ESS, unless you have my enthusiastic consent), microwave domination (please enslave me either online or locally without even knowing me), and the spaghetti approach (let's throw all the noodles at the wall and see what sticks).
When it comes to BDSM philosophies, I am neither SSC or RACK. I'm fully PRICK and I expect the same consideration. If you don't know what PRICK stands for, peruse my journal. There is a writing there that explains it. I am also all about enthusiastic consent and if you show you cannot even understand the concept of consent on your initial message to me, in my book, you are a walking red flag.
For example, I clearly state not to call me mistress and you do anyway - red flag. You immediately ask me to be my slave - red flag. You don't know how to communicate your needs - red flag. You get the idea.
Also, normal civil interactions are expected. If you would not dare to say to me what you are about to type, in a first, public encounter, please rethink what you are about to send.
I love it when someone asks me a thoughtful question for three reasons. First, it shows that the other person cares enough to try to get to know me. Second, it shows curiosity – which is one of my favorite traits. Third, a thoughtful question offers me the opportunity to unlock rooms inside myself I’ve never explored before.
Getting to know ourselves and others is the greatest adventure. We are explorers of ourselves and the people we love. Love is the ongoing process of unlocking each other and keeping safe whatever we find. Thoughtful questions are the keys we use to do the unlocking and safekeeping.
I am here to meet new people, get to know them, and go from there. If you are married or partnered and they don't know, we can talk, but don't expect anything more.
Now, you tell me you want me to dominate you without even knowing me? And I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. Do you want me to demean you? To degrade you? To humiliate you? Do you want me to turn my cam on and watch you jerk off, because THAT is NEVER going to happen. Do you want me to be your "cyber Domme?" And play in the fantasy realm of some game where you tell me "you will be whatever I want you to be"? YAWN... Then go back to your WoW and play fantasy there.
Do you want to know me because you find me attractive? To the point that all of a sudden you are offering me money in exchange for some interactions? I hate to burst your bubble buddy, but I am not a kinky vending machine that will satisfy your desires. I actually am a human being with a life, not the dispenser of your deepest cravings; and since I am a human, I expect to be treated as such. I want to make one thing EXTREMELY CLEAR for all of you out there, you CANNOT buy me. I do however, establish trust-worthy relations, but those take time; they are not microwave friendly. I don't take advantage of sub frenzy or naïveté, and I actually advice to take a step back when I see people in full blown everything goes, I have no limits frenzy.
Do you want to meet me because you are missing something in your life? Maybe you should look inside yourself, because most likely what you seek is in front of you, but you are too close to see it. Do you want to meet me because you want to be more alive? Yes, I know, this thing we call BDSM is intoxicating. The natural high is addictive. I get it.
Do you want to meet me because... Well, that's just what kinky people do? But whatever you tell me, i'm listening between your words and looking at your soul to see the wounds that you may be carrying when you tell me "I want you to enslave me." Which, usually, is not about domination. It's about a trustworthy merger, about seeking a safe container that can hold our darkest and deepest desires without judgement.
My point is advocating for communication. So let's start asking more questions. About what we want and why. About connection. About what it means to thrive and be alive. About how we get support. And if you want to get to know me. I will ask you WHY. And I want your answer to intrigue me. That's how you get through my door.
-------------------------------------
Speaking of expectations, My Miranda Of Kink
- I have the right to say NO, at any time, and have it honored.
- I have the right to clear, relevant, honest communication.
- I have the right to a safeword.
- I have the right to privacy and discretion. I am not required to provide personal information to anyone, except as required by the law of the land.
- I have the right to NOT be touched without my express consent. This right extends to my human and material property.
- I have the right to set realistic safety requirements prior to play, and expect them to be honored.
- I have the right to waive any or all of these rights, at any time, for any length of time.
- I have the duty to clearly, relevantly, and honestly communicate my resumption of any or all of these rights.
- I have the duty to accept that my partner has the same rights and duties as me.
Do you understand these rights and duties as I have relayed them to you?
Edited and shared with the permission of genpyris
Now that we have cleared all the rights, consent, and responsibilities, I have noticed that the more I learn, the hungrier I am for knowledge. The more I try, the more I want to push the next limit. I don't like it, I love it when I can make someone rise with intense sensation and bow in reverence from the over stimulation. Watching a body tremble from my touch, excites me. Watching my play partner come undoned under my hands makes me creamy. I'm very sadistic and nurturing all at the same time. My most loved fetish is brain scrambling from overstimulation. I also love surrendering and melting on either side of the spectrum. Someone I respect a lot asked an open question about what dominance means to us. I believe dominance is different and comes from a different place in all of us; I also think that place is significantly different according to gender. If you want to dig in deeper, "dominance" (yes, I'm using quotes) sometimes comes from a vengeful, power hungry place, and in my opinion that is the place where shit goes wrong. I can tell you one thing, I like equal partners who choose to surrender. I get off on vulnerability, trust, willingness, and openness. I don't believe in superiority. I believe in choice; to me dominance is like dancing, constantly moving and constantly changing. Surrender happens on both sides, without mutual surrender, something is missing (to me).
If you have any other questions, just ask.
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Great article debunking popular myths about BDSM.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/standard-deviations/201702/beyond-50-shades-darker-debunking-popular-myths-about-bdsm |
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To seduce is to turn the situation around. To penetrate the unknown and the inaccessible. -Esther Perel, one of my favorite women in the world. |
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Laugh of the day. http://www.thedailyflogger.com/next-gen-bdsmers-replace-flogging-with-talking-about-flogging/ |
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And this is why you don't just ask and trust anyone with this shit. It is your life you are putting at risk. https://www.buzzfeed.com/patrickstrudwick/inside-the-dark-dangerous-world-of-chemsex?utm_term=.kzQYBekPx6#.kzQYBekPx6 |
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This is such a good writing by VoodooQueen_on :
I tried to help out the world's most* entitled do-me sub. It didn't go very well
*Probably a slight exaggeration. But not much.
Do-me subs make me laugh (admittedly in an "...or I'll start crying" way). They set up profiles on fetish sites, all excitable, thinking the chicks will come flocking to them:
Here's their logic:
"This place is teeming with pervy women. They're ALL doing filthy things with ALL the guys on here, ALL the time. They're bound to want to do filthy things with me too."
They get busy compiling a list of kinks they want to try out, stuff they've seen in online porn (because everyone knows porn is exactly what happens in real life, right?)
After that they'll write a cut and paste message complete with list of things they want you to do to them. "Hey, looking for a girl to dominate me. I'm into A, B, C and X, Y, Z."
Three weeks later, when they've spammed every woman in a 100-mile radius and received zero replies (apart from scammers who want money from them), they're bellyaching on one of the groups:
"There are no genuine women on here, all the profiles are fake, everyone's looking for money."
They think all they have to do is click their fingers and pervy women will come rushing up to service their kinks.
They think that's how it works.
How it actually works isn't rocket science. But you'd think it was, the number of dudes who get it wrong.
***
I get spammed by guys like this regularly. Generally, I ignore them.
Eventually, I'd hope, the sussed ones work out what they're doing wrong, and adjust their behaviour.
However, I was recently messaged by a do-me submissive, who caught me in the mood to call him out on his behaviour. To my surprise, he snarked right back at me.
Read our argument / discussion, and check out my thoughts and replies.
Rookie male subs, this guy has made a ton of mistakes so you don't have to.
Learn from him. Please.
***
I've christened this guy Do-Me (very original). Here's his opening message, with my immediate first thoughts in brackets and italics...
I'm hoping you can help me out as I'm looking for someone to dominate me.
[Someone? Anyone? Wow. Flattering.]
I'm submissive and hence most of the things that I'm into revolve around that. This includes facesitting/smothering (receiving), breathplay (receiving), rimming (giving), face slapping (receiving), mouth spitting (receiving), worshipping boots/high heels/feet etc.
[There you go, the classic do-me sub list. They always have one].
Just thinking about those things gets me excited.
[I'm happy for him. Has he any thoughts about the things that might excite me, or the other women he's spamming?]
I'm open to suggestions and if anything doesn't interest you, we don't have to partake in it.
[That's big of him]
I'm looking for a play partner (or it could be just a one-time thing if you wish). No money involved.
[Assuming all Dommes are covertly trying to leverage kink for money, is he? Classy. Thanks for that].
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
[Yeah, where've you been all my life? Or maybe not.]
I look forward to hearing from you.
[Oh, he'll be hearing from me all right.]
***
Me: (Trying to be polite)
Please don't send cut and paste messages to people, especially dominant women. We get bombarded with them from submissive guys.
It gives both you personally, and submissive men in general, a really terrible reputation.
***
At this point, Do-Me got snappy. Things got a bit fractious...
Here's his reply, which for brevity, I've broken down, with the answers I sent him in reply. My immediate thoughts, again, are in brackets.
Do-me:
Why write the same thing again when I can just paste something?
[Wowza! Really! He really said this!]
Me:
Because it's lazy, arrogant and entitled. It's a typical thing that many new male subs do. They act like all they need to do is turn up on and women will be queuing up to dominate them.
If you want on-demand services, do the decent thing and book a pro Domme, and clear the way for all the intelligent subs with nice personalities, who women would actually want to hang out with.
Do-me:
That would be a waste of time especially as it's harder for guys to get what they want and hence we have to play the numbers game and message many women.
[Have to play the numbers game? Have to? Okaaaay. And, yep, everyone knows guys shouldn't have to waste their time putting in the effort to get what they want. Apart from the decent, intelligent guys who DO make the effort, and ? surprise surprise ? DO get what they want.]
Me:
Boohoo. Poor guys. God forbid they'd have to get off their butts, turn up to munches and events, and get to know people from their local kink community in real life, and prove they're a polite, reliable, trustworthy person. How terrible would that be, to have to do all that stuff...?
Do-me:
I'm guessing you don't want to dominate me?
Me:
Why would I want to? I know nothing about you, you haven't even made the slightest effort to a) read my profile or b) behave like a decent human being. There's a possibility you're a viable person but you come across as really dislikeable.
Do-me
If so, why not?
[Oh, puh-lease. He's really demanding an answer?]
Me:
Because your attitude sucks, and you seem arrogant and entirely focused on your own needs.
Because you implied that I'd be looking for money.
Because you've clearly not done an iota of research on how to meet and approach dominant women (There are TONS of resources on ).
And because you're behaving like a mafia don who just has to click his fingers and people will come running to do his bidding.
If that's not enough reasons for you, I can always find more.
***
Do-Me replied with a self pitying spiel about what a nice, respectful guy he is.
Then he concluded with the following, which contradicted everything he'd just said...
I'm kinda forced to do this, you know.
[No he's not. He's really not...]
I just really want a mistress/domme
[Doesn't every do-me sub? Get in line]
I decided to try the messaging multiple women approach, as it's quick and I can reach out to more women quicker.
[Ah, the numbers game. The one that's been working so well for him so far.]
I do try to tailor my message to the user from time to time
[Wow, that's big of him]
But I've just been a little frustrated with the lack of luck I've gotten so I've resorted to this.
[Has he ever thought about what's causing his lack of luck?]
I will also admit that I'm a little shy with meeting new people which is why I'm going for the online messaging approach as opposed to attending munches.
***
"A little shy."
OK, let's deal with this one. Shyness is universal, and it's not a nice feeling.
No one says it's easy walking into a room of people who you don't know.
But equally, it's not going to kill you, and the more you try it, the easier it gets.
In recent weeks, one of the most respected members of the scene in my area has made two comments about men who want to get involved in the kink world, comments that have stuck with me:
Face to face, at an event, she said,
"When people new to kink contact me, I'll tell them to come along to a munch. Of the women who get in touch, 9 out of 10 do come along to a munch. Of the men, 9 out of 10 of them DON'T."
And on a thread discussion about sub guys not going to munches, she said,
"I cannot understand the 'I'm too scared to go to a munch' because I can tell you now, 99% of the people saying this have put themselves in other, equally socially intimidating experiences."
***
With that in mind, I tried to address Do-Me's nervousness in a constructive (ish) way. Here's what I wrote...
Trust me. The only way you are likely to get anywhere is to attend munches and events. Otherwise your desires will remain a fantasy.
Everyone gets nervous. Everyone. It's a given. But if a guy isn't motivated enough to meet at a munch, then to me, he's not genuine.
Online, you are likely to carry on getting ignored, or you will encounter scammers.
I know you'll ignore this advice. But while you're ignoring it, better get used to the fact that there are sub men who are making the effort to swallow their nerves and go to events and munches.
They're the ones getting all the action with the tiny amount of single dominant women on the scene.
***
Guess what?
He didn't reply to that one. They never do.
***
Depressing conclusion
Could I have been nicer to Do-Me? Tried to bolster his confidence? Cajole him into going to a munch?
Maybe. But I've been there, done that, and to much nicer, more polite guys than he is.
It's never worked. They won't do it (IME).
For all they get on my nerves, I think it's incredibly disappointing that these guys can't muster up the tiny bit of courage it takes to get themselves to a munch.
This disappointment is for me as much as them; I think sub blokes are hot. I'm greedy; I want my pick of them.
I want to see loads of them at munches. Legions of them.
So many, that me and all the other single dominant ladies can drag multiple gangs of them around on collars and leads if we want, the way professional dog walkers do.
Of course, it's daunting. It's daunting for everyone.
But if do-me subs got themselves to a few socials, they'd soon be kicking themselves, and wondering what it was they'd found so intimidating.
Instead they'll be sitting there, spamming Domme ladies, potentially for years, maybe their whole lives.
They'll get virtually nothing in the way of response, while the cravings that come from the very pit of their beings go unanswered.
And that's really sad.
EDITS: Slight edits for clarity. |
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If you wonder about what Leather and old guard are and are not follow interviews like this: http://www.leatherati.com/2011/09/hardy-haberman-on-real-leather/
Hardy Haberman, Race Bannon and many others are slowly slashing the mythology behind Old Guard and Leather. Don't let anyone tell you there is a true way and they hold the key to that true kingdom. |
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i-fetishist, one whose only experience comes from a "tutorial" on the Internet because after all, you can totally learn how to drive a car from watching Fast and the Furious, right? |
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i-fetishist, one whos only experience is only or from "tutorial" on the Internet because after all, you can learn how to drive a car from watching Fast and the Furious, right? |
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Yeah baby, Broncos - Super Bowl Champs |
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This is such an amazing writing. Not mine though. By Brentan Schellenbach
I want a life of a million lovers.
I want to love you.
I want to love you if you are male or female, young or old, single or married?
When I see you we will embrace and hold a hug long enough to glimpse some insight from each other?s heartbeat.
When we walk down the street we shall link arms, pause frequently, and turn our toes and noses towards the other to speak directly without modesty.
I would like us to share the couch together, rather than creating a ?do not cross? line where we may as well be sitting on brick blocks seated four feet away. Give me your knee, your foot, your thigh?let your body dangle on top of my body so I can know you the way litters of kittens know each other.
I want to show up to you and look into your eyes instead of at your eyes. I want to feel your hand and be consumed by it until the rest of the world ceases to exist. I want to be in your presence and be in want of nothing.
I would like you to leave our time together feeling loved and free and full of your most vibrant and luscious hue of you-ness.
Please do not get confused: I do not want to have sex with you?whether you are male or female.
I have no sexual agenda, as you know, because we laugh at the freedom we feel to speak to strangers for reasons other than because we have to or because we?re hitting on them.
For me, sharing sex with someone requires a certain alignment, and I do not take that lightly. My sex requires that I can possibly foresee living with a person and combining all my stuff with all of their stuff (and I mean physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual stuff?the stuff that just feels heavy if it?s not the right fit, but feels buoyant beyond imagination when it is). It is delicate, it is careful, it is not presumptuous or impulsive.
And I do not think that our connection is somehow weakened because we do not share our bodies with each other.
For love is love is love is love, and that is what I want.
I only want us to fall in love.
Now I realize that at some point, either you or I may change our minds and crave sexual expression with each other.
For I am human?as are you?and we have wants that change and grow.
But if that desire should spring upon one of us, I hope that we will talk about it, the way we talk about the universe, cultural tropes, the nature of depression, what makes a good cup of coffee, and how your day was yesterday.
I hope that that topic of conversation is no more avoided than talking about the latest episode of Doctor Who or how to effectively clean one?s mouth from Oreo breath.
I would like you to share yourself with me?every stitch of you?so that I may be warmed and nourished by your tapestry. And I would not like you to worry that some of your threading is inappropriate or uncomfortable to share with me, because I am only here to accept you exactly as you are and to take interest in the way you step through life.
So lay on me your doubts, your troubles, your faux pas, your suffering, your sadness. Lay on me your hopes, your dreams, your excitements, your curiosities, your guilty pleasures.
I want to see you how you see yourself.
And while you tell me all of this and more, I would like to rest my eyes upon your eyes, and take my hand upon your back, and laugh up to the ceiling as you divulge, because it is in these moments of pure exposure that I bask in the ever-so-specific you, and I become the ever-so-specific me, and even though you?ve never stepped into the tides of the pacific and I?ve never ridden a skateboard, I am more sure than I?ve ever been that we are the same.
I don?t care if I see you everyday or if I see you only just the one time when I happened to be in that coffee shop and you happened to be making my drink. I want to be your lover.
And I will have the lover whom I share a bed with, and it will be none the less?on the contrary, that love will be all the more?because I take on another million lovers.
So if you?re ready, let me see you and let me love you.
My insides, my arm, my couch, my laugh, my eyes, my toes are all for you.
I hope that is enough. |
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Mmmmmmm http://youtu.be/yhGHWavROrA |
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To musicman6312 and all the men-children like him.
It is interesting how much misrepresentation goes on in here; not surprising at all, I know. It is the internet after all, where you can pretend to be anything you can imagine, which brings me to the question I'm trying to figure out: what stops men from truly owning their desires? especially all those men who put the shield of the dominant label but are really seeking someone to submit to. Are you guys trying to save face? What is the intent or motivation about misrepresenting what you really want? And most importantly why does asking you a question cause so much contempt on your side? Or telling you one is not interested cause so much aggression?
Look, I get it, rejection is processed on the same part of the brain as pain. I know it hurts, but can you make the effort to take a no gracefully? Is it really that hard to take it as my interests do not align with yours and leave it at that?
What about asking you a question? Is there any way you can take a question as just a question and not like you are the one being questioned and coming back with some childish, tantrumy response.
Let me show you what I mean:
Dominant man sends me this message: "Good morning. Would you be willing to get to know someone like myself who is a very experienced Dominant in this lifestyle and allow them the opportunity to release control of themselves to you and you alone within the confines of an agreed upon safe environment that didn't over step limits and boundaries mutually agreed upon?"
This message made me ponder a few of things: 1. A very experienced Dominant to me is someone who has been part of the lifestyle in flesh and blood, not just online. And if you actually have many years of experience then you know finding someone online is like finding a needle in a haystack. It is unlikely but possible, and your probability increases if you can actually meet someone face to face, instead of some long distance thing. So when I get this kind of message, even though I clearly state on my profile that I'm not a submissive desire dispenser, but a human being, it makes me wonder the level of reading comprehension. And 2. If I take a stance on my profile about enthusiastic consent, then why is there a the need to ask if I can respect boundaries? Why not get to know me and judge for yourself?
With this particular example, I checked his profile. What you find is the mention of old guard. Ah the good old sacred cow that no one can question. I'm not going to go into detail here, as to the mythology of old guard, but if you want to find for yourself, you can read what the wonderful Race Bannon (http://bannon.com/2014/10/26/the-truth-about-old-guard/) and many others like Laura Antoniou (http://lantoniou.com/rants-speeches/leave-the-myth-take-the-cannolli/) have to say about this kink mythology. By the way, you can go to the Leather Archive Museum and find ZERO trace of such tales.
So the message I got, prompted me to ask this almighty "Domigod", with years of experience in the old guard discipline if he knew that the basis of his identity was just myth; and of course, on cue, I got the wrath of old guard domland. I also asked why he is looking to submit to someone so far away and not look in his own backyard. See the wrath below:
"If there was someone local available don't you think I would not have already made contact. (Apparently I'm expected to read minds and know people's history from the get go). Old Guard is not a myth because it is who I am. (Can I say super woman is real because that is who I am? And have that become reality?) You obviously are part of the internet culture that thinks this is the true lifestyle. (Ummm, projecting much?) Clearly you are just another role player with childish view points that have distorted your way of acting in this lifestyle. (Yeah, clearly, because he is oracle of the universal old guardy truth). Better I find this out now though. Run alone child. (LOL, child? Really? Is that how you feel superior? By telling someone they are a child, while you cannot even answer two questions without getting your panties in a bunch?) You are clearly not in my class or caliber." (Yes, I'm clearly not, and I'm totally fine with that).
Of course the "I am better than you", grandiose self of sense came out, which is typically what happens if a mortal dares to question anything that a domly dommy mcpants has to say. So predictable.
Look, I have no issues with dominants wanting to surrender control. I bottom all the time for grounding and learning, but I do that with people I love and trust with my life, not with strangers online. Why? Because I put myself out there, in my community, and nurture my relationships. I love taking those mental and physical vacations; they are good for my soul. I also own it and do it out in the open. I don't hide that side of me at all. Why? Because I can do whatever the fuck I want. I don't conform to any written rules. I do this lifestyle because it is my nature to go against society's standards and deepen my self-knowledge. Oh and by the way, I have a history of topping Dominant men I have relationships and friendships with because they know that I will never question who they are if they want to experience the other side of the leash. I actually encourage it. I believe it makes you a better dominant and gives you more understanding of the intangible of what we do.
The funny thing is that lately I have gotten doms contacting me, who bitch about cliques in communities (umm, doesn't it always take time to get to know a group of people and find your way in?). You asked them about their community and the response is: oh the drama, oh the bitches who get bitchy when you don't want to play with them anymore; doms who think classes are boring because who in their right mind would actively seek to acquire certain skills via a class?!?! Sacrilege!
Look, I get it, everyone has the right to take the path they choose, but they also get to take responsibility for their actions. If they have no community, maybe it is because their approach repels people, or they have such a god complex, or they have burned bridges by hurting someone and not taken responsibility of the part that applies to them.
The only thing that is left for those guys is to cruise the TNGers and the ones with no experience so they can indoctrinate their bullshit; or go online to prey on, you guessed it, the new people coming in; or take advantage of someone's deep desires; or travel for work and seek to get with people who have no reference of their douchebaggery.
And if they happen to approach you and you say no; you can imagine the litany of offensive words that they use to describe you because you dared to reject a Domigod; how dare you reject when you should be thankful that such a specimen consider you!
Please don't let those attacks and childish behavior question your ability to say no. It is worth it.
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PSA announcement about oral sex
This is the ultimate surrender of a conscious woman to a man she trusts.
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/06/the-art-of-oral-sex-how-to-lick-her-breathless-adult-nude-photo-series/
http://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=b29bbd9935898d9488d4 |
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New York City has been fantastic so far, beautiful weather, great food, catching up with my team, learning new things and on Wednesday I get to see my lovely girl, whom I love dearly, and miss so such after she decided to move over here. |
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Online Kink vs. Diving into the real life pool of kink.
I have spoken with hundreds of people here. A great majority have never ventured to actually doing what they crave for one reason or another. They only live the online fantasy, most likely from fear of being judged, exposed, outed, or whatever other fear based emotion. I get it; we all have something to lose. However, I can tell you one thing, life begins outside of our comfort zone.
So, if you feel brave, there is this fun, educational, and amazing conference happening in Denver at the end of June. The educational offerings are excellent and you get to meet like-minded individuals.
This is a large conference, check it out. It is called Thunder in the Mountains. |
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I have a huge girl crush... What a badass! http://www.rollingstone.com/sports/features/ronda-rousey-the-worlds-most-dangerous-woman-20150528 |
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This woman rocks my world!
http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_rethinking_infidelity_a_talk_for_anyone_who_has_ever_loved#t-8107
One of the wisest things I have heard in awhile.
**There are many ways that we betray our partners; with contempt, with neglect, with indifference, with violence. Sexual betrayal is only one way to hurt a partner. In other words, the victim of an affair is not always the victim of a marriage |
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Public Service Announcement:
Don't know what consent is?
Click here: http://www.upworthy.com/dont-know-what-consent-is-let-this-animation-of-a-cup-of-tea-clear-it-up-for-you |
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Look for Kink on Netflix. Good documentary about kink.com produced by James Franco in 2013. |
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I dominated the shit out of myself. Today was an odd day. The way I controlled my mind and lip was amazing. I have a hard time keeping the smart ass comments under control, but today... Today I was such a good girl.
**First Instance**
It all started with a presentation to the board. I was asked to give my input on a conference call. The presentation had a lot of acronyms, I'm going through my comments and we get to a slide I had a comment about. My boss promptly asks: what does S&M mean? I stopped, shocked that he was asking that because I did not notice it. Now I'm hunting for it frantically, while my mind is screaming: "please just tell him it is sadomasochism, please!!!" My pause felt so long, trying to shut my smart ass self up, while finding out where the acronym was... After awhile I responded Sales & Marketing?
I'm so glad it was during a call and not in person; a facial expression was what outed me to my mother.
**Second instance**
Exasperating dude from the interwebs who just moved to Denver popped on Skype to ask me if I had munch recommendations. I really didn't want to help him but instead, I was a good ambassador and gave him the Colorado BDSM website so he could find out for himself.
**Third instance**
We are at the movie theater waiting for the Avengers to start having a lively conversation about really funny shit. I start telling the BF about my board meeting moment as a family of four is settling right next to us; parents and two little kids. I get to the S&M part where my boss asks me and I pause because I really want to be inappropriate and say sadoma... And the guy turns to me (he is sitting next to my BF) and says sadomasochism.
I gave him one of my looks as he continued saying how he was eavesdropping and couldn't help himself. I so wanted to just say "I am a Dominatrix", and watch him react, instead I smiled and nodded.
**Fourth instance**
We are walking to our car; a guy gets our attention and asks if we had a hanger by any chance. His friend had locked himself out of his car. My mind immediately starts cataloging the contents of my car, which include all my toy bags. Both my BF and the guy are watching me as I say I don't think I have a hanger, but let me check. The parking lot was empty; they were at least seven spots away.
I'm trying to figure out what I had that could help. I am about to go through my bags but I noticed the guy getting closer and the BF giving the WTF look. I notice a plastic hanger and say, this is all I have hoping to buy sometime; he bites. Grabs the hanger and says they will try, even though I know it won't work. As he walks away It occurs to me that canes and/or crops may work. I grab my dressage crop and walk to them as I flex the crop and say "hey, this might work". The older guy looks at me and the conversation starts.
Older dude: "You are so nice",
I smile.
OD: "Where are you from?"
Me: "I live here".
OD: "No. You have an accent"
I laugh and say "Oh, I'm Latin".
OD: "You are so nice".
At this point the younger dude is trying my crop but the lock is flushed to the door; it doesn't work. My BF is standing next to my car watching me totally baffled. I'm deep in problem-solving mode, so I ask to see the handle. I'm discussing possibilities with the younger dude. The older dude is on the phone. I walk back to the car thinking "maybe the other crop with the looped tip can hook the handle". I grabbed the other crop and the skewer cane with all the rubber bands, still cataloging toy bag contents. I show the YG the other crop and explain to him what I'm thinking. He is watching intently, grabs the crop to give it a try and asks me "you have horses huh? I smile and nod. All I want to say is "yeah, let's go with that!", but I manage to keep it together. The crop doesn't work; the door handle is too wide.
He has a branch that may work; he tries and says: "oh shit, it curves to the opposite side". I am really trying to keep it together and not laugh. It is still raining, the BF is still watching me dumbfounded. I tell the YG to break the branch and attach it to two skewers for stability with the rubber bands so he has something that works in the direction he needs (internal giggles). It takes him a minute to process what I'm saying and starts trying to put it together struggling a bit. It is kind of dark and he has a shitty flashlight, so I ask my BF to bring my phone to get more light. The BF comes over and helps with the light, while I direct. He is trying and says "oh I wish I had one more inch!".
I am dying now. Seriously? Am I getting fucking tested or something? I grin but manage to shut up. I chuckle to myself thinking of the comebacks I want to blurt out.
It works! The car is unlocked. He thanks me profusely as I nod and wave good bye.
So many opportunities to be bad, yet I managed to tame and control the screaming smart ass in my head four fucking times. That is what I call progress!
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Another freaking amazing speech by Stephanos and Shay, some of my favorite instructors.
International Power Exchange 2014 Stepaside Speech.
These are our notes for our International Power Exchange stepaside speech at Beyond Leather 2015. Those who were there know that we didn?t actually use our notes, so the words that came out of our mouths certainly varied from the writing below, but we think the intention and messages are the same. Thank you to everyone who has supported us during our title year as International Power Exchange 2014!
Stefanos: Hello, perverts of Beyond Leather, what a fun year of traveling and meeting new people and seeing old friends! We've been honored to travel all over the US and even across the world representing International Power Exchange for our title year.
Shay: It?s amazing to see International Power Exchange contestants this year with dynamics that vary from primal to owner/property to Daddy/slave to owner/leather-dog- I want to celebrate and raise up ALL those dynamics! Also, much love to our sash brother & sister, who stepped down yesterday- 2014 International Pony Play Champions Master Randy & Pony Just One Kiss!
Stefanos: I want to thank all of the contestants and regional producers for working hard to give the best of the best. Meeting all the contestants and watching the contest yesterday has brought back memories that feel like a millennia away. One of my favorite recollections from Beyond Leather 2014 has influenced us throughout our title year. We had just arrived to the meet & greet at the bar with the other IPE contestants, trying to talk to all the judges and make a good impression. Daddy Michael of Florida Power Exchange, who had run for the title a previous year, approached me, and we started talking about the interview portion of the contest. He told me that one of the judges? interview questions to him had been to ask him to define power exchange in eight words. He admitted that he had been somewhat thrown off by this question, and asked me if I could come up with an answer to it. I thought a moment and then replied: ?Power exchange is the equality of expectations.? He considered this, and I could see him counting on his fingers before he said: ?Nice, but that?s seven words.? ?Ok,? I said: ?Power exchange is the equality of expectations-- Sir!? But seven words or eight, equal expectations as an s-type or d-type are the key to rewarding relationships.
Shay: A common place we see people getting tripped up on these expectations comes from the s that our community has for people who bottom. As we've traveled, we've presented a demo during many of our classes where I give polite but very specific feedback and guidance to Stefanos while he flogs me. This always gets an extremely negative reaction from the crowd- boos, suggestions that I should be gagged- in one rather alarming case, an audience member yelled "homicide". I find that reaction fascinating, and as we've traveled I've encouraged people to think about when expectations could align to make a bottom-led scene like that amazing- as a teaching scene or if the bottom is a dominant masochist playing with a submissive sadist, as just a couple examples. When we ask people why the negative reaction, they say- you were topping from the bottom.
Well, I think we as a community need to take the idea of "topping from the bottom" and throw it off the nearest goddamn cliff. ?Topping from the bottom? exhibits a kink culture that tries to jam people into neatly pre-defined expectations of what power exchange roles "should be" and shames bottoms and especially submissives/s-types for having wants and needs and desires, or even limits- ?real? s-types wouldn?t have those, they?d bend to their Master?s every whim- and that?s bullshit. As a bottom, your wants and needs and desires are just as important as the D-types wants and needs and desires, and it doesn't matter if I identify as Grand Mistress 12th Archon Firedragon Goddess Poo-bah and he's lowly slave wormdick, we come into this community as equals. Power exchange is not about one person being ?better than? another. Power exchange is about about voluntarily and consensually shifting authority. Take hold of your personal power because you don't have any power to exchange if you come into it empty. International Power Exchange is in a unique place to support and celebrate this flexibility and redefining of power exchange roles and expectations, and that's a big part of why we are passionate about IPE.
Stefanos: I could tell you our passion is represented in the more than 38,500 miles traveled sharing our title, lives, hearts and bodies with people from California to Vancouver, to Colorado and Iowa. Communities in Calgary, Maryland, Washington DC. Even Rome Italy! During our title year we've presented a total of 66 classes at 25 different events and venues in 3 countries and 2 continents! All the while representing International Power Exchange.
But that?s not the passion we're talking about- that?s part of being a representative of a diverse community like ours. Spending days in airports and on airplanes is not the passion I speak of. Those are calculated costs and evidence of commitment.
No, our passion is that none of us have to fit in a relationship box. No box can contain this much power and passion... We are passionate about this title because it gives a voice and face to those who do not otherwise ?fit in.? We feel this title is crucial to raise up power exchange dynamics that were previously unrecognized or not understood and to encourage people to set their own expectations and write their own s. We've encouraged people in all our travels to be yourself and to know that people are more important than the relationship, and the relationship is more important the the protocols. Grow your power exchange from the relationship, not the other way around. Here at IPE, we don't need to fit into someone's box of preconceived anything. Fuck that box, so we can be the sexual rebels we are in the freedom of power exchange.
Shay: We have one very special thank you- to our handler, partner, and pup, Tara. Without her, so much would have fallen apart.
Stefanos: It takes a special person to be a handler- they are the ?unsung heros? of title contests. If you are or have been a handler for a title contest any contest, could you raise your hand or stand for a moment? I know some of you may be shy and not want to call attention to yourself, as that?s the way handlers are but please stand and be recognized for your awesome power. Please give all the handlers some love and applause!
Shay: We had a fantastic year and are excited to support the next International Power Exchange titleholders- can't wait to hear who that will be! Thank you. |
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This pretty much says it all in CS as well, some people message some random, weird shit and act like a wall. You can say the sky is blue and they come back with oh there was this one time (in band camp) when my ex made me do ________ (some random shit that has nothing to do with the conversation.
http://youtu.be/Siln5jOh04k |
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This pretty much says it all in CS as well, some people message some random, weird shit. |
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Click at your own risk. http://www.buzzfeed.com/christianzamora/faces-everyone-who-has-had-sex-with-a-penis-will-recogniz |
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One of the best speeches I have had the honor to experience.
Honor History, Don?t Copy It by RACE BANNON on MARCH 29, 2015
This speech was delivered on March 29, 2015 as the keynote address at the Colorado Leather Fest event held in Denver, Colorado.
Good morning. I?ve had a really good time on this maiden voyage of this new Colorado Leatherfest event. I hope you have also. Thanks to everyone involved in creating and running this event. You've done a great job. And thanks to all of you for taking the time to listen to what I have say. I truly appreciate it.
I was originally told by the organizers of this event that there was going to be an overall theme of ?standing together? for the weekend along with three tracks of classes that can be categorized as lifestyle relationships, leather history and traditions, and service skills.
Standing together is generally a good thing since when a collection of people have to work toward a common goal, there is power in numbers and collaboration.
As for lifestyle relationships and service skills, while I certainly have some opinions about those, they don?t resonate with me quite as strongly since I consider what?s an appropriate lifestyle relationship or service skills to be entirely unique to the individuals involved. Who am I to judge another?s relationship or how they choose to provide service to others.
Which leaves us with leather history and traditions. Now that?s something I can wrap my head around a bit better because, ostensibly, the history of our scene is a relatively absolute and documentable thing. Same for traditions.
So I?d like to talk to you today about two aspects of our history and the traditions within that history. First, I?d like to highlight the tenuous ground upon which ?some? of our supposed history is built. And second, I?d like to offer to you why I think referencing history and past traditions isn?t always such a great way to inform how you currently should lead your own life today.
I have long been a champion of the efforts of institutions like the Leather Archives & Museum or the work of dedicated individuals such as Dr. Gayle Rubin. They, and so many others, rightly want to gather, preserve, analyze and make available our collective history and any traditions that might have been part of that history. We should applaud them for those valiant efforts along with everyone who makes it part of their individual mission to accurately record what we leatherfolk and kinksters have been up to.
However, in spite of such valiant efforts, two things seem to keep happening that, for me, entirely disrespects those efforts.
First, regardless of how often or in what manner people are told that some of the leather history and traditions often promulgated throughout our scene are incorrect, some still believe them. And they not only believe them, but they are so mired in them and dedicated to them that they become rabid proponents of such false histories.
Perhaps they do this because they?ve built their entire leather and kink identity upon the foundation of such false histories and to challenge their veracity would threaten the entire way of life they?ve created for themselves within the leather and kink realms.
Second, and without a doubt worse, some people just simply make shit up. They literally pluck some historical fact or tradition out of thin air or embellish an approximate truth, promote it vehemently, and defy anyone to challenge the shit they just made up.
Of course, the Grand Poobah of historical inaccuracies is the constant drone of people espousing old guard history and traditions. By no means are these the only falsehoods we hear often amid our ranks, but they are perhaps the most common.
I am going to shamelessly poach some words from my friend Guy Baldwin?s brilliant ?Old Gods Die Hard? speech that he delivered in Tacoma, Washington in September of last year in which he tried to set the record straight regarding old guard. Guy came of age, by the way, right here in Denver around 1966. I don?t think I could say what he said about old guard any better.
In the part of his speech from which I?m about to quote, Guy was explaining how the scourge of AIDS starting in the early 1980s impacted the gay men?s leather community and how that might have played into the creation of false histories and traditions. Here?s what Guy said:
?Crucially, AIDS left the older guys who had been deemed unfit to join the underground leather networks. It left, as teachers, the guys who had wanted into the inner circle of kink knowledge and experience, but who had been excluded for reasons of questionable character, poor social skills, unfriendly personalities, poor impulse control, excessive drug and alcohol use, shaky morality, and so on.?
?And, I?m very sorry to say, some of those people made a lot of stuff up, most probably based on anecdotes they had either heard or read about in porno stories. And they combined the stuff they?d made up with some bits of lore they?d heard, probably too some fantasy thrown in for good measure, and called it ?Traditional Leather? ? or, you guessed it, ?Old Guard.?
?In general, much of the stuff they made up was about high-Leather formalism, formalism to the point of being ?Masonic,? when as far as I could tell, from playing with men in Denver and San Francisco through the 1960s and into the 1970s, very few first and second generation guys had a style dominated by formalism.?
Now my experience in the scene, starting in the early 1970s in Chicago and then New York, backs up what Guy said. The scene I experienced back then bore little resemblance to the highly formalized and rigid old guard structures that we so often hear about.
Also, if you think about it, formalism flies in the face of what I believe we inherently are. At our core I believe most of us are sexual radicals and erotic mavericks. Or at least we aspire to such status. If we are truly the folks who march to the beat of our own sexual and erotic drums, then why embrace such formalism as a guiding principle in the lives, sexualities and identities we adopt?
If some variation of formalism works for you and yours, awesome. But please, realize it?s for you and yours alone, not for others necessarily. The imposition of such formalism on others and the scene generally has, in my opinion, led us into an era where many in our scene can now be legitimately charged with being much more the conformists than the radicals or mavericks. Many of those conformists within our ranks look externally to formal constructs and erotic pasts of others, even when those pasts are more mythology than reality, in order to piece together the self-identity that fits into the ?condoned? formalistic ways that are too often espoused and revered.
Later in that same speech Guy sums up his sound argument about how a generation of men?s history and traditions were perverted (and not in a good way). Guy said:
?At this point you may ask, ?What?s the harm, really, in promulgating one or another greatly oversimplified Old Guard story?? Myth, after all, is so much more attractive, more coherent, more comforting than truth, which always bristles with contradictions and loose ends.?
?But off-the-rack identities and hand-me-down answers are crappy substitutes for the self-exploration required to build one?s own, personalized identity, from scratch. And the blind embrace of a counterfeit ?structure? to escape having to make our own choices is ? in my opinion! ? antithetical to our paths as erotic seekers.?
?Consequently it is my fondest wish that everybody would shut up about the ?Old Guard? and do what feels right, as long as it does no harm.?
?Bottom line: There is no one right way to do anything in our world. As is true of all other kinds of fundamentalism, erotic fundamentalism is the real enemy here.?
The reason the old guard mythology is the Grand Poobah of our scene?s historical falsehoods is that so much of what people hear that they should be and do seems to emanate from the old guard mythology. It?s a beautiful flower of an origin that?s morphed into a twisted weed that has spread to infect the very ground we walk upon.
I recall a time many years ago when I was standing amid a crowd of guys at the International Mr. Leather weekend in Chicago. Most of the guys in the gaggle I did not know. They were mostly quite young and they were engaged in a lively conversation about our scene.
At one point a young man said something like ?well I heard that Race Bannon once said?? and they went on to describe some historical recollection I had supposedly said at some point.
A few of the guys in the group who knew me looked my way and smiled. Of course, the historical tidbit that the young man had ascribed to me was not true. I?d never uttered those words.
During a break in the conversation I reached out my hand to the young man and said ?hi, my name is Race Bannon, and I?m afraid that I never said what you just said I did.?
The young man was mortified and I quickly put him at ease that I wasn?t at all offended. But that moment was a life lesson to me. I had no idea where he had heard what he had heard, but clearly someone just made some shit up, attributed it to me, told it to this young man, who was now telling a group of guys the same false story. And those same guys, had I not been there, might have started replicating the story elsewhere.
It was suddenly made quite clear to me that this is how historical falsehoods happen. One person makes something up and that falsehood percolates throughout the scene from person to person until it cements itself into our verbal, and sometimes written, historical record.
And once something cements in, it?s very difficult to dislodge such inaccuracies. They linger and infect our history, spreading like a cancer. And cancer is an accurate analogy in my opinion because I believe such falsehoods do, indeed, damage our scene as a whole, and individuals within our scene, considerably. I?ve witnessed the damage firsthand far too many times.
I defy anyone to spend some time doing research at the Leather Archives & Museum and come away with any conclusive proof that an old guard, as it?s often mythologized, actually existed in the form that?s usually attributed to it.
Your trip through the Archives will bring you great joy in seeing the ?actual? history of our scene, but I don?t believe you will find any proof of some ubiquitous, rigid, formalized old guard ever existing.
Even Rick Storer, the Executive Director of the Leather Archives & Museum for the past 13 years, at a recent San Francisco Leathermen?s Discussion Group presentation, alluded to little substantiation of the type of old guard so often touted when he was discussing his research into the contents of Drummer Magazine, the magazine many consider the documentation of record for the gay men?s leather scene from 1975 to 1999. He said ?I?ve looked at every single page ever published and I never found evidence of European houses, elaborate covering ceremonies, secret societies or rumors of sealed documents.?
Prominent people, such as a Guy Baldwin who I just quoted, and many others, who were actually part of some of that history will state, unequivocally, that such mythologies are false, but people will still believe the falsehood. Why does this happen?
In a June 2011 article in Mother Jones magazine titled ?The Science of Why We Don?t Believe Science,? the writer, Chris Mooney, described a study done by Stanford University psychologist Leon Festinger. In that study Festinger and his colleagues had infiltrated a religious cult called the Seekers.
And let me just say that I attribute much of the information in the next few paragraphs to that fine article by Mr. Mooney. He?s also the author of some great books including the New York Times bestseller, The Republican War on Science. He knows his stuff.
The Seekers was a small Chicago-area cult. Members believed that they were communicating with aliens including one entity who they believed was the astral incarnation of Jesus Christ. The group was led by a Dianetics devotee who had supposedly transcribed the interstellar messages through automatic writing.
I know it?s amazing that people believe such bullshit, but the desire to believe in something, anything, is a powerful urge for many in order to make sense of their life.
The aliens, speaking through the leader, had evidently given the exact date of a monumental Earth cataclysm. Some of the cult leader?s followers quit their jobs and sold their property because they believed they were to be rescued by a flying saucer when the cataclysm transpired.
Yes, wacky views perhaps, but these people had deep-rooted beliefs that all of this was true.
Of course, the cataclysm never happened. Yes, in spite of what the cult?s leader had said not coming true, the believers still continued to believe. What set in immediately was a quickly constructed set of rationalizations that allowed the believers to keep believing.
At one point a new alien message arrived, through the cult leader of course, announcing that they?d all been spared the cataclysm because they had spread so much light that God had saved the world from destruction.
They not only continued to believe in the cult leader?s pronouncements, but actually ended up using the incident as proof that they needed to evangelize and proselytize their cult?s message even more.
Does this not sound familiar in terms of what we often hear around old guard stuff?
So why did the cult believers continue to believe, and why do some still believe in the old guard and other such mythologies and inaccuracies that continue to flourish in our scene today in spite of clear evidence to the contrary.
The reason is likely that discoveries in the fields of psychology and neuroscience demonstrate that our preexisting beliefs, far more than any facts presented, skew our thinking processes.
This is often referred to as ?motivated reasoning? and such reasoning can explain why seemingly otherwise sound thinking people can disagree over things like vaccines or climate change, even when all facts point to the contrary.
So how does such motivated reasoning come about? Turns out that our reasoning is suffused with emotion. Reasoning and emotion ride the wave of our thought processes together. Our positive or negative ?feelings? about something arise much more quickly than any conscious thoughts about whatever brought about those feelings in the first place. Emotions literally gets a jump start on our rational thinking about whatever the topic might be.
And what could be more emotionally charged for us than our sexualities and erotic identities. It is my contention that this is a large part of the reason why untruths and falsehoods about our history and traditions continue to thrive even when running contrary to all known facts and reason. The world in which leatherfolk and kinksters meander is chock full of spouting geysers of emotional states that can help to usher in and maintain an untruth and falsehood when it?s presented.
Reasoning comes later and functions much more slowly than the emotional influence that already has a head start on reason.
Any information that threatens our belief system is pushed away while friendlier, nonthreatening information is readily embraced.
We literally reason as a means to a predetermined end in an often convoluted mental process riddled with biases. These include commonly accepted biases such as ?confirmation bias? and ?disconfirmation bias.? Our brains work overtime trying to grasp at a straw, any straw, to hold on to a belief system, facts or reason be damned. Facts or reason regarding old guard and similar falsehoods in our scene be damned.
I?m not going to dwell any longer on why some of the histories and traditions often proliferating throughout our scene are inaccurate, if not outright fabrications. For the sake of moving on in this speech I?m simply going to say that I hope everyone listening to me today will think twice about blindly accepting anything you read or hear about our leather and kink past. And please encourage others to do the same. Challenge people when you hear bullshit coming out of their mouths. You can do it kindly. You can do it gently. Many of them don?t even realize they are regurgitating bullshit. So we don?t need to be mean about such corrections. But correct them we must.
And if people do intentionally make stuff up and we catch them at it, those people must be held accountable because their intention is likely one of self-aggrandizement and unfounded self-importance and we just shouldn?t tolerate any of that.
Now, while there are indeed false histories and traditions, there are, of course, the vast majority that are indeed true. I want to thank again the work of institutions like the Leather Archives & Museum and the work of people like Dr. Gayle Rubin, and so many others I am not mentioning, and I apologize for that, who work hard so that much of our history is accurately documented and preserved.
I?d also like to thank everyone here who, on an individual basis, tries to encourage the dissemination of accurate histories and traditions and not false ones. Please, for those of you doing that, continue that good work.
But even when a historical fact or tradition is indeed true, it does not necessarily mean that we should be copying such history or traditions in order to craft or configure our current leather or kink life or identities.
This brings me to the second point that I?d like to make today, that while accurate histories and traditions are important to preserve, analyze and honor, that does not necessarily mean that we should use them as a template for the present day. In fact, I?d like to argue, doing so actually doesn?t make a lot of sense.
Let me point out here that much of the history and traditions often touted as guidelines for how we should live and be today are grounded in gay male leather culture. I come from that culture. It?s a great culture. But it?s a gay male culture. As such, I see no reason why lesbians, heterosexuals, or anyone not identifying as a gay male should look to it as some idealized path to leather or kink bliss.
Perhaps gay male leather history rose to prominence because gay men have typically been very out and open. Perhaps this is what happens when much of the scene operates in a clandestine and not out manner. You end up referencing the one history that has a reasonably accurate foundation attributable to actual verifiable people.
I am going to guess that a large chunk of this room today is comprised of folks who don?t fall into the gay male camp. My request to you is to look to your own histories too as much as you can.
Sarah Humble is the Chair of the Women?s Leather History Project that is collecting artifacts, stories, and other items that represent the experience of all women. The resulting collections will be featured in exhibitions at the Leather Archives & Museum.
Another ambitious project is Michael Shorten?s, who is also partnering with the Leather Archives, to create a guide for folks who visit the Archives and want to find or connect with ?pre-Internet? heterosexual leather/kink/BDSM history.
These, and others, are great projects that I hope will lead to a historical record, and access to that record, that covers the full swath of leather and kink folks regardless of orientation, gender or any other such collective identifying characteristics.
Perhaps because I am a member of the Board of Governors for the Leather Hall of Fame [] and we actively seek out historically notable people from all walks and eras of our scene, I see firsthand how the history of gay male culture is often placed front and center even though gay men account for a relatively small percentage of the overall leather and kink scene. The Board tries hard to make sure the entire spectrum of our scene is historically represented in who we vote into the Leather Hall of Fame, but it is surprising how often gay male history seems to be the default when people in our scene begin to discuss leather history.
Anyway, back to my point. History and past traditions are a wonderful thing to know about and to reflect upon. Sometimes we can even select a few morsels of such histories and traditions and make them a part of our lives. If that?s something you do, great. But I hope that you?re doing so consciously.
What I mean by that is I hope you fully realize you?re copying something because it resonates with you personally and not because you?re under the mistaken assumption that because leatherfolk were a certain way or acted a certain way or socialized a certain way or played a certain way, that this means you should do all those things today.
And remember as Jean Chretien, the Canadian statesman, once said, ?You have to look at history as an evolution of society.? History is an evolutionary thing, not a static one. Hopefully both the scene overall and individuals within it evolve over time.
History is ostensibly a fixed record of what transpired. Yes, further research can amend or revise that history, but the idea is that it?s a hopefully verifiable and trustable record of the past. But it is just that, the past. It is not now. It is not the present.
If you do what in my opinion is a mistake, and without much thought simply copy the ideas, ways and mindsets of our predecessors, where does that leave you? Where does the unique person that is you come out and play when you?re patterning the essence of your kinky self on what someone else said or did?
Even when you consciously decide to be a Master, or a sub, or a boot fetishist, or a god damned independent, always remember that you are doing so at a specific point in time at which you are exactly who you are for but a brief moment. You will wake up tomorrow not being exactly the same person you are today.
If history and traditions are created by people, and those people are constantly changing, then why should the histories and traditions they create not also change over time.
Progress in our scene, indeed in all of life, requires change. And no matter what someone might tell you, that applies to everything except the most basic of life?s guiding principles: honoring people?s individuality and uniqueness, doing unto others as you wish they?d do unto you, honesty and integrity, and so on. Everything else in life moves on, and so should our scene.
As George Bernard Shaw said, ?Progress is not possible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.?
There is absolutely no logical, moral or ethical reason that you should be or act in any particular way as a leather person or kinkster as long as you do no intentional harm.
Yes, there are practical considerations. If you walk into a leather event dressed entirely out of context, you?re likely to get some stares and maybe even some harsh words. But in truth, there?s nothing inherently wrong with what you?ve done.
Same goes for relationship configurations. If your version of Master, slave, Dom, sub, Sir, Mistress, boy, girl or whatever looks and functions differently than how someone else does it, awesome. Is everyone having a good time? If yes, that?s all that matters. We simply have to get past the notion that our scene is supposed to churn out cookie cutter versions of people who have come before.
Let me end by emphasizing that nothing in this speech should be construed as implying that our history is not important. It most certainly is. We should support the efforts of every institution and the people working with them to capture and safeguard our history. No culture will survive without the survival of its history.
But as I?ve said, history is not a straightjacket into which you must squeeze your sexuality or erotic identity. It is but an honored reference point. Your today and your future need not be constrained by it.
As Thomas Jefferson once said, ?I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.? I like our scene?s future too. I really do.
Love each other. Be kind to each other. Connect and bond with each other. Have sex and play with each other. Be the kind of kinky person you want to be. And never forget to have fun along the way.
Thank you for your time. I love you all and wish you a happy, healthy, kinky, and fun life. Which is exactly what you deserve. Good afternoon. |
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The Colorado Leafher Fest happened this weekend in Denver. CFL was filled with education, new initiatives for the community (Google Colorado CAL), and friends.
I highly recommend consider attending next year's event to experience the social aspect of this thing that we do.
Next event is in June, Thunder in the Mountains will also be filled with educational offerings, play space, and lots of fun! |
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The illusion of causality, cognitive bias, and conformity by social pressure... ==========
http://fivethirtyeight.com/features/your-brain-is-primed-to-reach-false-conclusions/
This is something to ponder about when arguments on different opinion camps ensue. The thing about this great study is that it shows the human (non-perfect) side of our being.
I read a lot of the discussions that happen here on . I stay out of the arguments most of the time, but there are times when I get involved and ask more questions in order to make up my mind. Sometimes I do not agree with the most popular camp and that has made discussions interesting and insightful.
The good thing about non-conformity under social pressure, is that you can actually develop critical-thinking skills and not just follow the herd when trying to reach a conclusion. It is a painful process and you may not be liked anymore, especially by those who like to only hang around people who agree with them all the time, but I personally think that maturity is shown through agreeing to disagree without severing relationships. In some cases the people are just not compatible at all, and when that is the case, the best thing to do is cut your losses and move on.
The Illusion of Causality, cognitive bias and social pressure is something to think about when trying to form an opinion or reach a conclusion. Just like Physicians, we, the general human population, don?t have a great track record for self-assessment.
Other cognitive biases ? such as motivated reasoning (all of us want to believe that the things we do make a difference), base rate neglect (failing to pay attention to what happens in the absence of the intervention), and confirmation bias (the tendency to look for evidence that supports what you already know and to ignore the rest) ? also influence how we process all kinds of information.
But the lesson of controversial issues is that people don?t apply their critical-thinking skills in the same way when they have a preference for who?s right. Studies by law professor Dan Kahan at Yale show that even highly numerate people are prone to cognitive traps when the data contradicts the conclusion most congenial to their political values.
So where does this leave us? With a lot of evidence that erroneous beliefs aren?t easily overturned, and when they?re tinged with emotion, forget about it. Explaining the science and helping people understand it are only the first steps. If you want someone to accept information that contradicts what they already know, you have to find a story they can buy into. That requires bridging the narrative they?ve already constructed to a new one that is both true and allows them to remain the kind of person they believe themselves to be. |
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Mmmmm rope and strap ons! http://venusropes.blogspot.com/2008/02/keep-your-eyes-on-my-cock.html?m=1 |
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There is nothing more red flaggy than an s-type who portrays the following:
"What do I want? I don't know! When do I want it? Whenever it pleases you!" |
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What a wonderful article http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/women-leave-men-love-every-man-needs-know/ |
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So much to do for upcoming trip to Dubai, can't sleep but I really need to! |
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It is so yummy to pop a Dom's cherry. I needed that! |
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NYC bound until the 11th. |
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A Cynics Translation of Shit Dominants Say (this works for any gender). ===========
I foynd this while browsing around and it tends to be true a lot. I have no clue at all who originally wrote this, so I apologize for not being able to give any credit.===========
"My submissives need to be sexually adventurous."
I want to try a threesome. Yeah. Threesome. The epitome of my sex fantasies. =========
"My submissives need to be into domestic servitude."
I finally moved out of my moms house and don't know how to work the washing machine. Or the dishwasher. Or the broom.=============
"I like power exchange."
I have no clue what it means, but I expect you to defer to me on everything. Oh yeah, and call me Sir. Sir is awesome.=====
"I'm the Dom and you're the sub. You have to do what I say."
I can't get you to listen any other way, because I don't know what I'm doing.
I'll throw a temper tantrum if I don't get my way.
I'm going to abuse you, and want you to accept that.=====
"I want to break you."
The more broken you are the more awesome I will seem to you.
Broken toys are easier to control.===============
"I'm into financial domination."
My power bill is overdue.=====
"I want you to find a third."
Because I'm damned lucky to have gotten you after hundreds of copy paste messages were deleted. I know I don't have a chance of finding someone else.
You are non-threatening to other women, whereas I am creepy.==========
"We should have an open relationship."
I'm already seeing somebody else.
I'll see other women. You can only see other women. Preferably in front of me.
I'll see other women. You can only see who I approve of- which will be nobody.===========
"You should let me mentor/teach you so you can learn things and get a good start in the lifestyle."
I want to stick my dick in it.====
"The younger generation needs guidance."
I want to mold my own sex doll.=========
"I'm protecting my girl(s)"
Making sure nobody figures out my partners are fucking the emotional equivalent of a spoiled toddler.============
"I can't get involved in the local community because I'm too important, I can't be seen there."
I'm a fucking pussy.
I'm a dangerous player and don't want them to warn you about me.===============
"We should stay away from the local community. They suck."
And they've told me not to return.============
"You should stay away from the local community. They're terrible and I want to protect you from all the terrible doms."
I don't want you to learn that my One Twue Way isn't.
I want to protect my current relationship with my wife/girlfriend/sub/slave/whatever while keeping you on the side.
I'm a dangerous player and don't want them to warn you about me.================
"Send me your nude pictures."
I need wank fodder.=========
"No, I won't send you my picture."
I look nothing like what I described and am verging on repulsive.==============
"My wife/girlfriend/sub/slave/whatever and I have an open relationship."
No, we don't.============
"I expect my submissives to be fit."
If you don't fit the current ideal of beauty, then you are not attractive to me.==========
"I expect my submissives to be of exquisite beauty" (I actually saw that one!)
I'm trying for a remake of Beauty and the Beast.=======
"Move across the country and live with me."
I want to isolate you from everything you know so the option of "NO" becomes unfeasible for you. ========
"Change your profile to reflect that all other doms/tops/masters/whatever must message me before messaging you."
I'm an insecure twat.
You are way out of my league, and I know it. I don't want anyone else to let you know it, too.
I just don't trust you.======
"I'm an 18 year old Master."
I wanna pretend that I'm awesome.
They haven't dropped yet.====== |
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Merry Christmas everyone, appreciate your blessings! |
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May your actions speak louder than your words. May your life preach louder than your lips. May your success be your noise in the end.
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I am writing this because I have a very strong opinion of what Risk Awareness means for many reasons; one because it is ingrained in who I am, and two because it is part of my job. In a nutshell, I measure risk vs. gain; I do this day in and day out. I know, through decades of experience that trying to be aware of as many variables as possible, minimizes the risk of something going south very quickly or coming across as incompetent in front of a client. Note that I say minimize and not extinguish. There is risk in everything we do, from waking up to driving, etc. The perception of Safety, is just that, a perception or mirage; reason why I do not belong to the SSC segment of the kinky population at all. ================
I am also very aware that there is no way to know it all, but I am a huge supporter of learning, doing my homework, and trying to understand all the nuisances before making a decision, which I am personally responsible for doing. Sometimes when that is not possible because of whatever reason, I consult my gut instinct and experience, but I don?t go there until I have explored all other possibilities to get as much factual information as possible.===============
In business, Risk Awareness is being empowered to make informed decisions and stay informed about the potential risks that one may be exposed to over time by gathering information, knowledge, and tools to mitigate possible risk. ===================
To me, Risk Awareness includes having a sound commitment to ethical principles, having transparent and timely communications, and acting responsibly. Risk Awareness (to me), cannot exist if there is a communication gap, period. One side is not communicating the full picture; the other side cannot be fully aware of the risks. No room for RACK.================
I am going to use an easy example: John wants to fuck Jane. John discloses that he really doesn?t like condoms and tells Jane he has a clean bill of health since the last time he got tested (eight months ago, not disclosed). Jane gives him the benefit of the doubt because they are in the middle of some hot and heavy scene, and fucks John. She later tests positive for Chlamydia. Jane, even though the STI she got is treatable, is obviously pissed at John; she confronts him and he responds with ?well, I don?t know what to tell you, you know having sex has risks, and you said you subscribe to RACK? So, you were aware of the risks of having unprotected sex.?==========
In my opinion, omitting information (like the fictional scenario above-captioned) and not really doing your homework is not RACK at all. I would love to hear what RACK means to you though. I am very curious to read what RACK means to the general kinky population actually.==============
I have written about not self-identifying as part of the RACK segment before. I really do not jive with RACK at all for many reasons; one, because of how different RACK looks from person to person; two, because I know open communication is a challenge for a lot of people; and three, because it relies too much on the assumption that communication is indeed fully mutual, open, and free flowing. I actually wrote a long entry self-identifying as part of the PRICK segment.==============
The people, who know me, know that I like to play on the edge sometimes and really like to go after those landmines and triggers of mine. I have bottomed for pretty powerful cathartic scenes that step all over powerful, sensory landmines. I have successfully sought and faced those landmines, with the help of people I trust, and have been lucky enough to come out stronger than before.======
And because I know firsthand how powerful and healing those scenes can be, I don?t shrink at the request of someone to be taken to catharsis, if that is what they seek. I have no problem facing and sitting with pain, mine or my partner?s. I have no problem with letting it take its course for as long as it takes. I actually have a tendency to lean into pain. I do not run away from it. I honor whatever emotion comes up by actually feeling it completely; I may not like or enjoy it, but I don?t block it. I do not postpone it for a better time, and I certainly do not pretend is not there. Healing from intense trauma has taught me again and again that facing your demons, processing the emotions attached to those demons, and feeling the pain is good for the soul. At the end of the day, avoidance never works. We are not powerful enough to outsmart feelings; they always have a way of getting our attention one way or another, and it is never pretty.===============
I am also a pretty transparent person; you can easily tell what it is I am feeling at any specific moment. However, I have also learned to give myself time when I feel a particularly exploding negative emotion. Sometimes anger, hurt, sadness, disappointment, etc. can hit like a tsunami, and we can end up saying or doing something that will be more damaging at the end. Because of that, I have learned to take a step back, which gives me the chance to diffuse (maintain an important relationship) vs. escalate (lose a relationship altogether) a situation by communicating genuinely. Giving myself time to process an emotion and think, does not mean I don?t feel at the moment. I still feel everything, but I give myself time to respond vs. react, which are two very different things.==============
I like to over-communicate when it comes to cathartic scenes; I take a personal responsibility approach to them. I want to communicate everything that could potentially cause an issue before, during, and after a scene. The tops, who I have played with at those levels, know I communicate thoroughly about the thoughts and intent behind the scene; the potential landmines that could be triggered and where they may come from; what the potential automatic reactions may be; suggest how I would like them to handle such automatic reactions to diffuse the landmine; and what I want to accomplish with said scene, the end goal so to speak. When I decide to dive into those kinds of scenes, I think them through for a long time; I analyze the potential risk versus the potential gain; I put myself on the other side and think about what could be overwhelming for and to them. Not many people can create a safe container for one to break down and be fully exposed and vulnerable to process landmines. In my personal opinion, the people who can stand by you and hold you through the firestorm of a landmine are very special souls who deserve a lot of honor, gratitude, and consideration.===========
See, I like to dance on both sides of the spectrum for balance and well-rounded experience. Because of that, I know what headspace and drop looks like from both, the giving and the receiving, sides (from my personal experience). I have been able to experience the pleasures and challenges of being on both sides, whether is being held and vulnerable or holding space and facilitating a breakdown. Allowing myself to experience both sides has grounded me more solidly, has made my empathy grow even more, has allowed my self-awareness to expand, and has given me a better understanding of the body, senses, energy exchange, and timing.==============
The people that I play with also know that I don?t have a problem calling a scene, whether it is for health or emotional reasons. It is a courtesy I like to give and receive. If I am not feeling physically great (exhausted, sick, feeling like I might get sick, sleep deprived, haven?t eaten, haven?t nurtured myself, etc.) or if I am not feeling emotionally strong (too stressed, too pissed off, too fragile, too sad or depressed, etc.), I have no problem calling or postponing scenes. The reason why I don?t have a problem calling a scene is because I know myself, and I know that when I am depleted, physically or emotionally, I (PRICK) create the perfect storm for a really shitty drop. And by really shitty drop, I mean days of feeling like shit physically and emotionally; crying over everything; wanting to crawl under a blanket and never come back; being irritable to everything and anything; barking at the slightest provocation, etc.==========
I don?t like experiencing shitty drops because they are counterproductive to me, and as a result, I don?t like putting partners through my mega shitty drops either, because after all, they have to deal with their own head spaces (top drop comes to mind or the feelings that come with trying to help someone out of a really shitty drop), everyday lives, and everything they have to juggle, plus my mega shitty drop. I have been in situations where I really want to play hard to release some of my work/life stress, frustrations, anger, pain, sadness, etc., but I end up thinking about it and talking to my chosen top about everything that is going on in my life. And that is when I becomes clear to me that if I (PRICK) go through it, it would in fact be the perfect recipe for disaster, so I politely tell them we need to postpone because I am in no condition to have what I call a productive (not destructive) scene and aftermath.==============
I am not saying I avoid drops, because I get them and make myself available for my partners at all times before, during, and after scenes, in case they drop. What I am saying is that the magnitude of the drop (in my case) is directly related to the depth and transparency of the mutual communication.======
This writing was inspired by Shayblondie?s Blackout: What to do when someone faints. That woman is not only gorgeous, smart, and evil, but she is also a health professional and knows her shit. I was reading her post again and it resonated with me even more because she spoke about low blood sugar, its symptoms, and the potential risks and repercussions. To quote her: ?Low blood sugar is dangerous and potentially fatal ? call 911.?==============
One might say: ?hey, I am not diabetic?, so this shit does not apply to me, but when you look at the statistics and you push your body to the flight, fight or freeze response without any food or very little food, you are putting a lot on the line for all the people involved in the scene and in the venue. When you don?t nourish yourself and you jump into the deep end of the pool without warning; that is the simplest and easiest way to throw RACK out the window. That is some food for thought (pun intended).==========
To stress my point, there are many variables that come into play when one goes into and comes out of a hard scene, and they are all personal responsibilities (to me). This includes how well-nurtured one is (sleep, hydration, and food), and the other one is how many demons are circling in one?s head (stress, insecurities, negative emotions, etc.); when you add all that together, the risks for a bad experience and a really shitty drop increases exponentially for both sides (top and bottom), but the awareness part really comes with communication and letting each side decide if they are willing to take that risk. This is why open and transparent communication is vital in this lifestyle, and if only one person is aware of the brewing storm, there is no way to play with RACK at all. One cannot be RISK AWARE of something that has not been openly communicated. |
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I read this last night. It was not written by me, but by a very eloquent gentleman named Mister_Emm on a competing website. He wrote this about women, but that is exactly the way I feel about men, and it goes like this. P.S. I changed women for men. =============
Taming the Untamable -- Why I Only Desire Strong Men
"Mistress," he whispers with averted eyes, "will you please whip me?"
I hesitate before answering and he senses it, kneeling down and pleading, "Please Mistress? Please?"
Up until now, I have never met this man in my life. I have no idea who he is nor how he knows me-- is it through reading my writing, seeing some of my photos, watching me play, or through conversation with a previous play-partner? Regardless of the answer to that query, my response to his question is the same.
"No."
There's not another word that comes from my lips. There's neither an explanation offered nor requested. But why did I decline his request?
It's not as though I would have felt like a service top; I wouldn't. It's not as though he wasn't attractive; he was. It's not as if he hadn't been polite; he had. Why, then, did I turn down this eager, nubile potential partner?
Simple: I only tame the untamable.
If someone is so willing, upon first meeting and before even conversing or negotiating with me, to kneel in my presence-- to reference me by an honorific-- then I simply cannot scene with, let alone be a Dominant to, him. If he is willing to do that for me while knowing nothing of me, then what I gather is that he wants to submit... and it doesn't much matter to whom he submits.
That's not enough for me.
I crave to break the stallion that throws from his back every other rider. I long to have the finch upon my finger that would fly from any other hand.
For that reason, the men I seek as partners (whether for play or a longer-term commitment) are those who are wild, intelligent, sardonic, fiery, vivacious, and kneel for no one. You see, for me part of the joy in these interactions is letting him run the games he typically runs on others; I enjoy seeing him try to lie, to hide, to outwit and outmaneuver me. Those tests are what I crave because then I get the absolute pleasure of truly dominating him by beating him at his own sport. I call out each lie (or omission); I laugh and tell him that I know when he's trying to manipulate me; I point out when he fails at a task and make him fix his mistake(s). I let him get away with nothing. This type of wonderful man, you see, is used to winning-- is used to getting his way. He is used to having other women bend to his will and give-in.
Men like this seem, at first blush, to almost be dominant. In their vanilla lives, they are conquering the world: graduating as valedictorian, rising up through the ranks of their companies, leading volunteer groups, and effecting change within whatever microcosm they choose to. Even if they are within a structured D/s dynamic as a submissive, they often lead those dynamics-- topping from the bottom, so to speak. They tell their partner they want to scene, when and where to strike them, and run all the same games I mentioned before (only, in this context, they're the ones winning). What I've found, though, is that these alpha submissives want someone to beat them at their games. They crave someone for whom they cannot help but feel respect. They crave someone to whom they cannot help but kneel.
I choose to pursue this type of man not only due to their personality traits or appearance, but because I know that if this sort of man submits to me, it is special. He does not submit to merely anyone; he is not simply looking "to submit" but to find someone worthy of submitting to. In other words, I crave men like this because I know with them that-- beyond a shadow of a doubt-- he is getting who, not just what, he desires. If you ask any of my partners why they submit to me, they will say there are myriad reasons... but it boils down to this: I conquered them when no one else could. |
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Great writing, lots of memories
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/02/two-years-one-night-adult/ |
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Because I don't have a penis and I am extremely curious and inquisitive. I have a few of questions for you. I want detailed answers so I can understand what you guys feel and what sensations cause you more pleasure:
1. When you are getting your cock cared for, what is the difference in sensations between getting your cock vs. your balls vs. your taint played with?
2. What does it feel like to have your cock deep down a throat?
3. Do you enjoy the gagging or is it as enjoyable if the woman doesn't gag?
4. When you are fucking a pussy, what does it feel when your cock is squeezed vs. pushed out by the orgasm/climax?
5. What do you feel when your partner gushes or squirts all over your cock? Do you like the sound? The feeling of wetness splashing?
6. Does it create a different sensation as you continue to fuck?
I think that is it. Please be as descriptive as possible :)
Just send me a message with you answers. Thank you in advance for satisfying my curiosity. |
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*I have been obsessed with this song for awhile now; it came up in a mix I started playing while I was working. I had a really hard time concentrating because my mind was craving worshipping time. I was lucky that I had someone at my disposal right there and then. I called him to my desk; this lovely sultry mix was playing. I turned my chair around grabbed him by the belt loops and pulled him towards me. I looked up at him with that look; that promising predatory look that said, I'm going to devour you and have you as I please. I smiled as I slowly started pulling his zipper down. His eyes locked on my every move, while I licked my lips already envisioning what was about to happen.*
*I ran my nails along his exposed skin; watching his skin react; feeling his muscles twitching under my touch. My hands grabbing his hips, sliding them inside his pants and boxers; pushing them down to the floor. His cock twitching as my lips hovered over his pelvis; tracing his pubic line with my hot breath. I kept watching his reactions, teasing him, making him hard despite the fact I had not touched his cock just yet. Kissing his thighs, taking my time; knowing that he wanted my lips around his cock but making him wait... For my pleasure.*
*My tongue exploring his inner thigh as his breathing changed. My hungry mouth getting closer to his balls, inhaling deeply taking in his scent; that scent I love so much. My lips parting and wrapping around his balls, slowly tracing the ridges of his scrotum slowly, savoring him. His hard cock resting on my nose and forehead as I dove further down, behind his balls. His hands wrapping inside my hair; looking up at him letting him know how much I am enjoying this silently. Flattening my tongue and letting it run in between his balls, up the base of his hard shaft. Tilting my head to the side, puckering my lips around the base of the shaft, sucking hard, pressing between my lips, while continuing to tease with my tongue.*
*I stroke him with my lips, full suction, up and down, over and over and over; carefully avoiding the head of his cock. I knew he wanted to shove his cock down my throat. I could feel it; I could see his eyes closing in bliss, moans escaping his mouth. I stopped to watch his bliss. He opened his eyes and looked down with anticipation. I grabbed his cock by the base, puckering my lips, slapping them with his swollen head, watching his reaction. I held his gaze as my tongue explored the silhouette of his throbbing head. I inhaled deeply as I put his hands on my nape, looked up at him grabbing his ass, and pushed him into me, penetrating my face, filing my throat, touching me there, that place in the back of my throat that makes my pussy wet and my body tremble with lust. At that moment this song came up. The rhythm, the tempo, the sound, the sultriness, the words became the best complement to my cock worshipping, work break.*
Love, love mmm...
I told y'all
We would be the band to play it.
My ghetto butterfly flew away from me.
I wait patiently, by windows and doorsteps.
Play, make believe, as my tears, poor chest,
won't succeed to breathe, if not to hear of you.
Surely there has never been a shade so blue.
A stank attitude, so not mad at you.
Not a magnitude to encompass the latitude
of my love for you.
No space and time compatible.
What do I have to do? What do I have to do?
Uh..my friends say I got it bad for you.
I do. But there's nothing in this world I'd rather do,
but you.
I want to make love to your existence,
drenched in colors of your energy,
then masturbate, to the memories.
I wanna lose myself inside yourself...
Until you find me. Confine me,
to the freedom of your prison.
Exist in the same space, same time.
Combine until your thoughts slow grind with mine.
Combine until your thoughts slow grind with mine.
Combine until your thoughts slow grind with mine.
My, I wanna drink the sweat of your intellect,
reflect, and watch your light passion walk my neck.
Caress the sights of your presence with no question,
undress to the nakedness of love, pure love.
I want to make love to my soulmate... my soulmate...
make love to my soulmate...my soulmate...
make love to my soulmate, uh shit...
I wonder, how does it feel to make love to your soulmate.
Kind of like writing poetry till climax,
till the point and place where space and time match.
Can we cross the line, perhaps tell me would you like that.
Now would you like that, tell me would you like that,
would you like that, tell me would you like that,
would you like that, tell me?
I'm gonna ask you again now, tell me..
Would you like that, tell me would you like that,
now would you like that, tell me would you like that,
would you like that, tell me..
I wanna love you more than madly.
Wrap these legs around your words,
until your speech is straddled deep, gladly.
Swim the currents of your vibrations,
be separate in one
with the same meditation..
Uh the same meditation..
Uh you know what..
This, right here is poetry..
Yeah
If love..
If love had a sound
this would be that sound.
And we,
well we,
We would be the band to play it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZoMzWraS_c
*What a perfect sound to my cock worshipping!* |
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For all the new people out there who have this primal craving for any side of the BDSM spectrum. I know I get a lot of people messaging me with carnal cravings but have zero actual experience.
This is a great documentary to watch :) Educate, have fun, and keep yourself safe!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dn9fE4jwOgg
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This is so fucking funny I had to share:
Fifteen things guys think when you ask for rough sex!
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/news/a29779/15-things-guys-think-when-you-ask-for-rough-sex/ |
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So who is at Thunder? If you are send a message, would like to meet more kinksters :) |
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Touch me, such an easy concept, yet so hard to fine tune.
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Touch me, right there, where it counts. In between my ears; stimulate my mind.
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Touch and massage the grey matter. Let it drip slowly, drop by drop painfully into my sex.
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Tease my libido, lure it out. Invite it to express my free flowing psyche, desires, and deepest cravings.
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Pause, let me simmer in that desire fueled by my imagination. Let it build up. Let the juices marinate my tender flesh.
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Proceed to invade my space, linger close enough for me to feel you, but not close enough to touch me.
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Let my nerve endings stand alert, expand, reaching out for you; silently hoping and screaming for your touch.
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Take my breath away, control it. Make it stop with anticipation. Make it accelerate with the promise of what is to come.
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Let me feel your breath deepen. Let me see you taking me in, appraising me. Inch by inch.
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Touch me. Lightly caress my face; placing that strand of hair behind my ear. Let your hand take that natural path.
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Touch me with you warmth, with your coy smile full of promise. Make me feel your appreciation.
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Delineate my jaw, my chin, my lips with your fingers. Make me watch you take your time. Make me hold your gaze, make me melt into the moment and let the world fade away.
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Touch the side of my neck, lightly. Let my skin rise, pleading for more. Let me feel the painful anticipation, deep in the center of my being.
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Trace my shoulder, my arm, my elbow... Discover that weird place that has an odd connection to my pussy. Watch my reaction as your fingers explore the wrinkles of my elbow; get fascinated by how my breath stops and my body trembles once you hit that hidden spot inside and under that unassuming area under my elbow.
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Touch the palm of my hand, my fingers. Make my hand contract from the strange erotic feeling of your caress. Leaving my desire hungry for more.
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Touch my clavicle, watch me shiver with pleasure. Watch my breath catch as my body tenses, waiting,
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Touch the zenith of my breast; letting me feel the anticipation of what is to come.
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Trace my nipples, round and round, watching them grow. Make me feel the contractions in the core of my existence. Toy with them, until you are satisfied.
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Make me feel that there is nothing or no one else in this world more important for that moment shared between us.
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Adventure into the soft side of me, my most vulnerable territory. Make me feel at ease as you travel south.
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Continue on to my thighs. Touch me lightly. Touch me firmly. Let your hands claim and conquer.
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Reach my knees, make them buckle as your fingers define the silhouette of their structure.
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Touch the side of my calves, delineating that muscle that cuts along the muscle from years of wearing heels.
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Explore that are, guiding me to that irrational point. Elevating me into primal territory.
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Push me into animalistic response as you caress my feet, my toes, the curvature of my arch. My feet, one of the most sexually arousing areas of my body.
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Although my entire being has become arousing, from the tip of my toe to the tip of my eyelashes.
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Watch as my legs part inviting you, enticing you. Make me wait, trembling; letting me feel the waves of orgasm invading my body as you stand there watching me but not touching.
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Take in what you do to me; realize how aroused your presence makes me, how you capture my mind and my body follows.
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Touch me. Let your mouth join the journey. Hug my Achilles tendon with your teeth, slowly at first... Increasing the pressure. Leave the mark of your teeth and make me scream blurring the lines between pleasure and pain.
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Trace the back of my legs with your tongue. Slow, sweet torture. Continue to that sweet spot where my legs join my behind.
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Bite it, lightly, aggressively. Hold me in place. Giving me an array of sensations.
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Touch my lower back. Watch me raise my hips, silently pleading for more.
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Trace my back, my nape, the peaks and valleys of my shoulders. Wrap your hand around my throat. Tell me what you are about to do in that deep whisper full of promise.
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Touch my scalp; slowly, sensually massage it. Let your fingers wonder in the thickness of my mane.
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Grab a handful. Hold firmly. Let me know I'm yours, even if it is only for that moment.
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Take me by surprise. Penetrate my body and soul, as you let me explode and come undone all around you.
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Please, I beg you. Touch me. |
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So, who is coming to Thunder this next week? Message me if you will, would love to say hi :) |
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I hate the lack of configuration tools when sending a message or writing a journal.
So I'm trying this new things. This is a journal I found and well... Enjoy :)
https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B54DFvwv3mfsamxQaUEzYVQ4U0E/edit?usp=docslist_api
Let me know if the audio link doesn't work
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I am a huge PRICK? Supporter
This may get controversial but it is my honest opinion. The reason why I'm writing this is because some issues came up, labels were placed, words were exchanged, and in the sake of full disclosure, I am writing this.
What is the disclosure they put on South Park? All characters are fictional; any resemblance to reality is pure coincidence. So let?s go with that.
Let?s be honest when we start researching about BDSM and coming into the scene, we hear all kinds of acronyms, sometimes you get lost in what each means, and in my case, even after years I sometimes hear some that I still don't know or don't remember what they stand for.
We have this obsession with the concept of safety. Let me go on record saying it here: 100% safety does not exist. All you can do is reach a level of perceived safety and off you go to live and to play.
But the main ones you hear about are SSC and RACK.
SSC - Safe, Sane and Consensual, became an almost universal statement in the lifestyle. The acronym came from a "Statement of Purposes" released by the Gay Male SM Activists (GMSMA) of New York in 1983, and was written by slave david stein, along with Board Members Martin Berkenwald and Bob Gilliespie. The main intent was to differentiate healthy dynamics from the criminally abusive or neurotically self-destructive behavior popularly associated with the term ?sadomasochism.? To quote slave david: ?Being sexually aroused by the infliction or suffering of pain, bondage, or humiliation can lead not only to ecstasy and fulfillment, but also to destructive or self-destructive behavior that no ethical, grounded person would condone. S/M releases powerful emotions and involves intense vulnerability, and the results aren?t always pretty. Sometimes people do things because of their kinks that wreck their lives ? or the lives of others. This must not be forgotten or swept under the rug in the quest for social acceptance.
By slave david words, the ?safe, sane, and consensual? formula was put forward as a minimum standard for ethically defensible S/M, because that must be the basis for any defense of S/M rights. Today, however, and especially in the hetero and pansexual communities, S/M itself (or ?BDSM,? which some find more palatable) is frequently defined in terms of SSC. Source: Playing Well With Others Book and slave david stein.
Safe, Sane and Consensual in essence translates to always making sure your activities are as safe as possible; make sure to be ready potential issue in any special and routine activity alike. Do not attempt anything that would be the opposite of sane. Always communicate how you wish to play and make sure it is agreed upon. The problem with this (or anything really) as slave david puts it is: ?everyone who sees it interprets it with his or her own prejudices and preconceptions ? it all depends on how you understand the key terms. If you read ?safe,? for instance, as ?avoiding pointless or unnecessary risks,? then SSC will look very different from the way it does, if you read ?safe? as ?risk-free.?
At the end of the day, these three words spread with the intent to demystify sex for the greater audience and to make a clear difference between consensual kink and predatory, abusive, antisocial behavior. (Ah if only words had super powers, huh?)
However, you can realize just by looking around a dungeon during a play night how sanity can be questioned very easily, and I'm sure the same questioning was going on back in the day, because In 1999, Gary Switch proposed the term RACK out of a desire to form a more accurate portrayal of the type of play that many engage in. Noting that nothing is truly 100% safe, not even crossing the street, Gary compared BDSM to the sport of mountain climbing. In both, risk is an essential part of the thrill, and that risk is minimized through study, training, technique, and practice
RACK - Risk Aware Consensual Kink, of course gain more traction as it acknowledge or spelled out the fact that as previously mentioned there is inherent risks in the activities we do, because let's be honest, anything we do in life has a certain level of risk.
Risk Aware Consensual Kink pretty much expresses that with any kink there are risks one should be aware of. For instance, bondage has many risks one would not think about up front or become aware of in time (nerve damage), once the symptoms show it could be too late already. So in RACK, both parties should be aware of all the risks and agree to it, to make sure everyone can be prepared and physical or mental harm can be prevented. So Risk-aware means both or all partners are well-informed of the risks involved in the proposed activity. Consensual mean that in light of those risks, both or all partners have, of sound mind, offered preliminary consent to engage in said activity. Finally, Kink: Said activity can be classified as alternative sex.
However, I personally see a huge loop hole in RACK. I am a risk assessor, I do that for a living and I am just wired that way, but in order to truly assess risk, you need to make sure you know all the potential nuances or variables that could put you at risk, and for that to happen, you need people who have no problem being inquisitive, questioning, and getting second or third opinions. I think that is where RACK, as SSC, can let people feel like it is kosher and they can trust whatever people with more experience and seniority say.
How many shy, subs, slaves, bottoms or even introverted dominants can be assertive and outspoken from the start when joining an overwhelming scene like ours? I'm going to be very general here, but a new woman coming into the scene may already bring a bunch of internal conflicts about her sexuality and her desires, which can be very overwhelming on its own; the overwhelmation (yes, I made that word up) is already such that it gives you little room to truly be assertive, ask all the questions that need to be asked, and assess risk. Then you add all the crap of ?well a real submissive doesn't ?? And you have zero opportunity for RACK when they actually get more overwhelmed with all that criticism and don?t speak up. When it comes to men, after observing scenes in a dungeon, how many are comfortable saying out loud? Yes, I have no clue how to plan a scene. I have no idea how to hold a flogger or where it is not safe to hit? How many think oh yeah, It seems pretty simple, I don't need help from anyone; I can figure it out on my own, I am a man!? We always figure out shit! And how dare you to suggest it! Do you think that attitude allows for true RACK?
You will also hear a lot of you don't know what you don't know, right? And if you don't know, how can you assess risk?
At first, RACK resonated with me a lot. As I said, I'm a natural risk assessor anyway. I like to sit and observe, talk, listen, find out more, ask tons of questions and then consider the pros and cons to make that decision. As I say, I need to know that I'm ok with having a 50/50 chance of winning, but more importantly I'm ok with losing what I'm about to potentially lose, once I roll the dice. Of course, when it comes to risk assessment, your assessment can only be as good as your research. Sometimes it feels like RACK falls short if the right questions are not asked, or if people believe omitting is not lying, which of course it is qualified as lying.
To give you an example, you start negotiating with RACK in mind. You forget to mention "oh by the way being naked, tide up, and having strangers standing over me, doing a play by play peanut gallery commentary during a scene makes me freeze with anger because one time in band camp I was hurt and feeling exposed (a different kind of naked) and people just watched, pointed, made play by play commentary, and laughed at me, which makes me feel totally humiliated and I am not into humiliation play". You don't communicate that because that is your last thing in your mind; your top does not have a way of knowing, and somehow you end up at a Gateway party with some wannabe announcer Domly Dom standing next to you, invading your space, doing the play by play commentary about your scene to some newbie because he loves impressing newbies by pretending he knows exactly what your dynamic is about and what the scene is about. What if that happens and your bottom freezes with anger but doesn?t know how to react, goes into a bad place and you as a top have not a clue as to what happened?
In the case above, your headspace as a bottom goes to shit but you cannot honestly say it was something your Top did. I think this is a good example where RACK does not fully work. Plus there is this heavy reliability on both to keep it as safe as possible by being risk aware, but in that case that risk did not even compute at all and it was not communicated.
The above has happened to me, and I have had no problem lifting my head and telling people to stop talking over my scene, or I have asked people to tell other spectators, if they are not within a short distance to me, to keep it down because their voice level is such that I can hear how much they paid for whatever plastic container is awesome for their kinky toys.
Anyway, back to being a PRICK, recently I was asked to do a written assignment that went through the preparation of an entire scene and I chose a scene I had already done because it was the most preparation I have ever had for a scene. The reason, there was the potential for seizures and the scene including electricity. At that time, the bottom mentioned it very casually as ?I had them as a child but I have been cleared?. I recognized by talking to him that it was not an ?I don?t have them anymore, I still do but I am ashamed of it because I see it as a weakness?. This was a bull of a man bottoming for me, the epitome of masculinity. This man is just amazing in many ways, but I had found the exposed nerve by digging a bit deeper. I could feel his shame and was able to tap into those feelings. So I crafted my questions and interactions in a way that it would reassured him that the scene was still happening. I just needed more information to do the appropriate research and make sure he was not harmed in any way. He obliged and we had a wonderful scene and a nice friendship.
That is when I realized my style of play really aligned with PRICK or PRICK resonated more with me.
PRICK - Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink, which is an alternative to RACK that emphasizes personal responsibility for choices and consequences. In essence, it translates into that along with becoming aware of risks, you should also learn what responsibilities you have in your role. A Dominant has the responsibility to keep an eye on the submissive?s behavior and keep her or himself in check to make sure she or he maintains control of himself and the scene at all times. A submissive is not without responsibilities either; they hold the responsibility to communicate however they feel most comfortable. I feel it is the T/D/M type to encourage a b/s/s to speak up and never feel they cannot communicate. I want a bottom who is comfortable enough with me that they can safeword and stop the activity should they feel uncomfortable, in pain, unsafe or anything else in any way both mentally and physically. Let?s be honest, we hold our own level of perceived safety in our hands. We all do, n matter where you sit in the wheel of BDSM, top, middle, or bottom.
So yes, I stand here saying that I am a PRICK supporter and coincidentally I love a hard as a rock prick too. Not true, I also love a flaccid prick three; they are so much fun to play with!
Oh yeah, know that I go deep with PRICK. I really like to dig in and I understand that is not compatible with some. |
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I am recovering from surgery and it has been very painful. I like pain, but this kind of deep, into the bone pain is a tad much. This kind of pain has a way of eroding your good mood. I was feeling pretty shitty yesterday and my friends were trying hard letting me know how much I mean to them. This was a message that made me weep like a little baby. I never even imagined anyone would see me like that.
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"...Your hair, that mane that sits upon your head like a crown that no one at Sanctuary can miss. Those deep eyes that can stare a fire through a person or be so full of compassion I am amazed they do not weep for the world constantly. Your size, yes I said size, you tower over me, you look as if you could bat me into a wall if you so chose... and yet I feel safe near you, I feel as if no one dares come near to say negative things when you are in the room and that, to be frank, is the safest I can feel in my paranoia and fear ridden state of being. You are a goddess in a corset, in ways a small girl can never rival, (no offense to those small girls.) I describe you as the viking's wet dream, and it only makes me wish I had viking blood when I say that because you are. Just remember people like me when you feel down on yourself, because frankly you are a goddess to me. "
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I went under the knife on the 27th. It was supposed to be outpatient surgery, but it was more extensive than originally thought and because of other unexpected effects, I was admitted.
This is the worse pain I have ever felt, worse the brain surgery recovery. I was finally able to come home lasts night. Of course the fun never ends. I had two prescriptions for controlled substances that were invalid. The hospital screwed up twice and I had a touch and go night because of the pain.
I'm wiped out, can barely stay awake. I thank my angel from CM, who is and was so amazing, he kept me LD company all these days.
Thank you sweetheart, you were/are priceless. |
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Defense mechanisms... Or self-fulfilling prophecy?
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I am as guilty as the next person of having defense mechanisms.
Yes, I am quiet. Yes, I am more of an observer. Yes, it takes me time to warm up to people. That is my defense mechanism for sure. I like deep connections. I am bad at small talk. Things like the weather or what you ate yesterday doesn't really capture my attention, but a deep, soul moving conversation about what makes you tick and how your beliefs found their shape, captures my attention instantly.
Once I have taken the temperature, I like to get in deep. Now you have my full loyalty, my full attention, my full presence, until something feels off. When that happens, I slow down. I take steps towards understanding what feels off. I take steps towards talking about the issue, getting clarification, and then moving on.
Yes, that odd feeling triggers my defense mechanism but when I am raw, open, and present, I will give it my all. I often say I am attracted to the ugly in people. That ugly that we seek to hide at all costs because we are afraid of judgment. That is the reason why I like BDSM as much as I do.
To me, BDSM is the tool to shed all those layers and masks, one by one, until we are fully exposed, flawed and vulnerable. Vulnerability is the quest that I live every day. I understood earlier in my 20s that it is better to feel everything than to numb myself because of discomfort. I lean into pain, not because I may be a masochist (sometimes I can be), but because it gives me the ability to feel joy at the same level. BDSM gives me the ability to not only shed your clothes and in turn your insecurities, but also to dig deep into that wound that you defend with your entire soul. The honor to be the witness to that rawness, to be witness to the unmasked self is beautiful. I seek that every time I "play".
No matter how long it took me to get ready and get ?all pretty,? when I am done either topping or bottoming (it does not happen often, but it is needed to bring balance once in awhile), I look like a hot, sweaty mess; make up smeared, hair is a mess, half dressed, spent. Just not the standard of beauty, but that to me is beautiful. I don?t need to defend myself from anything or anyone. That is my most honest, unmasked, blissful state.
I have had this conversation with many of my friends. I love fully once I get to know you. To me close relationships are important to my well-being, and I mean friendships or actual sexual relationships. When I am in, I am in for good. I do expect respect and loyalty, as well as expressiveness, rapport, and congruence. When any of these values are missing, I seek communication. If communication is not accepted, then I start pondering possible options. As time and silence continue, I make decisions taking into account my feelings and well-being.
I do recognize that there are times when issues that are painful or anxiety-provoking can fuel some of our most counterproductive behaviors. I give it time but I also take into account the willingness of the other to find resolution. If that is not wanted, I cut my losses and move on. Silence and distance is the fastest and easiest way to erode connection.
Today I read the following:
"Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. Love is worth fighting for, but you can?t be the only one fighting. People need to fight for you too. If they don?t, you eventually have to move on and realize that what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Some relationships and situations just can?t be fixed. If you try to force them back together, things will only get worse. Holding on is being brave, but letting go and moving on is often what makes us stronger and happier."
I am a relationship and sex geek. I like to better myself, better my communications, better my relationships, and better my capacity to feel. I know that it is scientifically proven and researchers have shown time after time that our ability to relate closely to others will carry us through many of life?s challenges. When our closest relationship isn't working, we become preoccupied and miserable, but when we have a partner we can rely on, we feel that we can survive anything else that happens in the outside world. I don?t know you, but close relationships make me very happy.
However, lots of people, including me, sometimes use defense mechanism to protect ourselves from the imaginary boogie man; because somehow, some way when it comes to love and deep connection, we become clairvoyant. We use defense mechanisms to fend off potential intruders to our heart and soul. All of us, at one time or another, for one reason or another, have used these barriers. I get it. I have used those barriers, more so when I was younger (you know, when I thought I could win battles against feelings and emotions).
As I get greyer, I realize that our defense mechanism against intimacy is the fastest road to self-fulfilling prophecies. And that is when we wonder? how can intimacy be so incredibly elusive?
Though we all desire and need intimacy, often times we ourselves are the very reason it escapes us. To me, intimacy is the meaningful and fulfilling connection that allows us to be vulnerable and trust each other; the connection that allows the assurance and safety of expression. Intimacy is when the real me meets the real you in a moment of trusting, raw, non-judging intercourse, whatever that intercourse may be. I love intellectual intercourse, but I live for emotional intercourse. When all bets are off and you cannot keep those emotions under control. Most of us want control in one form or another, but can we really control or is that just a mirage?
Yes I know, it does not make much sense, but most of us defend against the very love we want. We erect love barriers. We erect walls around us to keep our core ?intact.? However, what we don?t realize until it is too late is that, the walls we build to protect us, are the same walls that imprison us. Sometimes we don?t realize that the walls are so high and thick, no one ever has a chance of breaking through them. When that is the case, there is no amount of love, no amount of devotion, no amount of attention, no amount of vulnerability, no amount of presence that can defeat those walls.
Most of us spend significant time and effort trying to establish a long, lasting, deep relationship, but when one is actually staring us straight in the eye; we freak out and develop defenses which can strain and even end the relationship. Most of these defenses are intimacy-avoiding maneuvers, which are used to escape from serious relationships. Anywhere from being vague and non-committal, to actively seeking for something or someone else, while trying to give almost-but-not quite enough attention, are defense mechanisms that will eventually end said relationship. We all rely on defenses at some time, it is only human, but the degree and consistency with which they are used can influence how comfortably and appropriately we function and how long and deep our relationships are.
So in essence, in my book, to constantly rely on defense mechanisms against intimacy is the easiest way to fulfill our loveless, painful prophecy. |
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Of kissing and touch
Most people who know me and are part of my circles know I am very touchy feely. I have always liked touch; my family was not really on the same page. With my mother being raped at the tender age of eight by a family member, touch was almost forbidden; she was very wary of any kind of physical contact. My dad was also not very touchy. Touch and expressiveness was something that wasn't a priority I guess.
I grew up rebelling against this. I would hug and kiss my family all the time. Those poor dogs would get loved on all the time; puppies were and still are my kryptonite. I would curl up in bed with the love of my life, my grandpa, hanging on to his strong arm, taking naps in the middle of the day. That man was so opened to learning how to express love; but he didn't know where to begin. Teaching him how to be expressive was like teaching a kid how to walk; clumsy, almost scared at first. It was one of the most humbling moments of my life. Hugging him, cuddling up to him while sitting next to him at the piano and watching his smile when I kissed his big arm is one of my favorite memories of him.
My expressiveness didn't stop there. I would sit on my favorite uncle?s lap and get spoiled because I was the daughter he never had. I loved my uncle unconditionally, I loved tagging along all the time. I remember him driving the pick up truck with me sitting in the middle and in charge of shifting gears. He was such a handsome, strong man. We had little secret that would always make me giggle and nod in agreement. He would tell me that he was really Superman.
I always got into tickle fights with my cousins or just wrestle as if I was one of the boys, it was just what we did. I was always expressive, always embracing, and I drove my mom nuts.
She would get so annoyed when I hugged her and kissed her; she would fight me off and tell me I was so annoying. One day while watching TV, she made a comment about my expressiveness and I told her: one day I won't be here and you will miss my expressiveness, my hugs, my kisses, my licks (yes, I would dog kiss/lick her just to annoy her). She looked at me pensive. Shortly after that conversation, I got a scholarship to study abroad and sure enough, it became reality.
I was the youngest girl in a sea of male cousins and uncles. I was the pet, I was the princess; I was always protected, always trained for what to watch out for, trained to fight like a boy or to hang out with the boys. Those guys did a great job showing me how to stand my ground; they were crazy protective and territorial. I really think that growing in the environment I did, helped keep myself safe for the most part. It gave me a bird?s eye view of the male idiosyncrasy. It gave me the tools to behave around and handle (I don't like that word) men in general. I have always been able to stand my ground when it comes to being in a male heavy environment.
Now, how does that translate to touch and kissing? Well, I grew up craving touch, craving expressiveness, craving connection. So kissing became a symbol that encompasses it all. Touching and kissing are some of my favorite things to do. Kissing, to me, is such an intimate action. I still remember my first breath-taking kiss. It was actually a cousin I had a huge crush on who gave me that kiss. The kind of kiss where you end up pressed against the wall, trying to breathe and collect yourself, because even though you dreamed of that moment many times, you were never really prepared for the kind of havoc it would cause on your young hormonal body. I remember that feeling like it was yesterday.
I am also a very tactile person, some of my senses are very-well developed, especially my sense of touch and smell. When you are that closed to someone, your senses become hyper alert. Kissing and being kissed are things I long for and I can never get enough of. I hadn't had the chance to experience that in a long time, just a heavy kissing, erotic session. Sometimes we forget how important that is and just go straight for the kill. We forget to savor what is right in front of us; we forget and just take it all without really savoring.
Well, recently I got more than I expected. I went to the club with a new guy. We briefly met for coffee before hand to talk and make sure he was up for going to the club. I walked into the coffee shop as my phone was vibrating with a new text. A text that said, "damn, you are looking great." That immediately put me on alert, I looked and looked and I could not find him anywhere. As I was ordering my tea, he came through the door smiling at me. I smiled back and said hi; he was looking great too, and smelled so good.
We went to the club; I introduced him to everyone. He is so tall, it was good to be in heels and still be shorter than the man I was with. We flirted, talked, watched several scenes. The fire between us started with a casual glance, then a light touch. This man is pure fire. I am pure fire. It was not a matter of if, it was a matter of when. I rested my forehead on his bicep; he mentioned how hot I felt. I responded with "it is the hair, it always makes me hot." He looked at me funny, I grabbed his hand and put it on my hair. That was the point of ignition.
All of a sudden his hand grabbed a fistful of my hair and firmly started pulling it. The temptation on his face was just an omen of what was about to unfold. I looked at him and grinned. I closed my eyes letting that delicious sensation consume me. The noises he was making made me open my eyes. The intensity of his gaze was exhilarating; his eyes were darker; the desire was palpable. I kept his gaze half inviting, half daring him to do what he was thinking of doing; I raised an eyebrow and smiled amused. I closed my eyes again, feeling myself falling backwards into this abyss of pleasure and pain. There are times I enjoy pain very much; hair pulling is one of those things.
He got closer; I could feel his breath. I parted my lips moaning, licking them, teasing him as he teased me back. His hand wrapped deep in my hair, pulling, positioning me where he wanted me. His nose tracing my lips; waiting patiently for him to make the move. He took his merry time, anticipation building for what seemed a very long time. His lips finally touching mine.
Being kissed, waiting for your partner to make the first move is one of the most intoxicating feelings in the world. The moment in time where everything around you stops, when you can cut the sexual tension with a knife. That delicious feeling of fear and excitement all melted into one. When you look into each other?s eyes and know kissing is what you both want but do not dare to say it out loud because of fear of judgment, because of fear of rejection. The moment a thousand random thoughts speed through your head; the moment where you feel so vulnerable, so seen. That intoxicating moment of gazing into each other?s eye, glancing at the lips getting closer, hoping that you will be consumed. Everything slows down, all you can hear is your heartbeat and your breathing; it is such a heady feeling.
That moment when you can feel his breath on your lips, his warmth, waiting for the point of contact. The anticipation taking each other?s breath; breathing into each other. It had been a long, long time since I felt that. It was slow and gentle, yet intense and deep.
That is all we did, hair pulling and kissing. The simplicity of it all was so overwhelming. Feeling him pulling me into him, our chests touching in deep embrace, slowly ramping up to intense desire, letting our bodies feel each other?s temperature, feel each other?s heart beat. That moment in time where everything disappears and you get consumed, melting into another human being.
We kissed for hours; made out like teenagers, like everything else was forbidden and the only thing that was left to do was kiss. His hands in my hair, on my back, on my hips pulling me in. Feeling desired, wanted, devoured, surrendered. I felt like a temptress. It left me drunk, loopy, giddy, wanton.
The best make out session I have had in a long long long time. |
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I want to fuck the uniform off you
I know I am not alone here when I say that watching a man in uniform is the fastest way to get me to one of the naughtiest, hungriest, head spaces. My mind goes into sexy fantasies of power, roughness, and surrender. However, my personal fantasies go both ways, depending on the mood, I want to be over powered and man-handled by a man in uniform or being able to seduce a man in uniform until he is in a puddle eating out of my hand and begging me for more.
If we had a list of the thoughts that have crossed our minds anytime someone in uniform crosses our sight, we would have one of the dirtiest, rawest, hottest, sexiest, most primal fantasy list we could imagine. Have you ever had a fantasy or actual experience, whether play-role or actual with a man in uniform? I bet every time you think about it, your insides clench and you start feeling the intoxicating palpitations and juiciness in your pussy.
I am the first one to admit that a man in uniform makes my knees weak. I know it happens to a lot of us because I have seen many women react to a friend of mine who so graciously obliged to my desires to see him in uniform. I am a huge voyeur, I enjoyed the process of getting the missing pieces to the uniform. The string of photos of different items were promises of what the future entailed.
A random photo of a police baton would send me into visions of having the baton molest me in many levels, from intrusively lifting my skirt to having it pressed in an upward motion between my legs, slowly teasing me with friction in all the right places. Or having it pressed along my chest keeping me still then made suck the baton, while being held in place to show my sucking skills and how far I could take it down my throat, while ordering me eye contact.
A photo of a black, sexy pair of handcuffs carelessly place over a police belt would make me want to be cuffed or be able to seduce him into being cuff and over power him; make him get on his knees to worship my legs, kissing them, licking them, sucking my toes while I watch this precious, uniformed man please me. Watching him devour my skin enthusiastically as I moan in pleasure, caressing his body with my crop.
This is what a uniform awakens in me. It is a primal craving that needs to be satiated. It is temptation, pure decadent, perverted, dirty temptation. It makes me drip, it makes me palpitate, it make me cross my legs and clench just to feel the delicious sensation of pressure all over my clit. It makes me grin and bite my lip; it makes me hot all over.
I was sitting on the stage talking to a friend. He walked into the dungeon; it was a busy night, there was very little room to navigate without getting into someone's space non-consensually. He immediately caught my eye; he knows it, I know it. This man is beautiful; his eyes are pure blue fire; they are alive. He cannot hide his emotions though; I have seen the range of emotions, from sadness, pain, and frustration to electricity, playfulness, and raw hunger. We have become pretty good buddies, buddies who like to fuck with each other a lot. He is fun, he is witty, he is playful, and he is a brat who likes to push buttons; a true kid at heart.
He finally made his way to us and of course immediately started the banter and the mischief. Pulling my skirt with the baton, getting forceful, running his mouth. I like watching him do that. It gives me the most evil grins; I can be patient with him because I know he likes me flogging him. I let him get away with his shenanigans because to me, that is foreplay; that lubricates my mind and gives me ideas of what will happen when it is my turn to oblige. Feistiness turns me on in many levels; anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. Anticipation is that space that allows your mind to travel to sinful places, where creativity and desire light things on fire; where your wildest fantasies come to life without shame, without judgement, where you can surrender to the hottest cravings.
We bantered a bit until someone distracted him; he also has the attention span of a four-year old in Disneyland. He is new to the public kinky candy store and has an insurmountable hunger to explore and learn. It is like watching a puppy discover grass for the first time: I enjoy watching him explore. He is a terror!
We teased each other some more. I got his attention and told him I was going to beat him up. He told me I should ask his wife, so I did; she grinned and said yes. I happily smiled. My toys were brought up to me, walked to the dungeon and had a friend take my sky-high heels off. He wanted to go and undress, I said no, I will be peeling that uniform off you. He followed me; the space was less crowded, I like that. I don't want to worry that I will hit someone on the back swing; that just gets me out of head space and makes me mad.
I pushed him on to the cross, pressing myself against him, looking into those fiery blue eyes, undoing each button slowly, sensually; then violently pulling the shirt off his pants, getting my hands inside his t-shirt, feeling his chest hair. He smells so good. Smell is probably the one thing that will turn me on or off about someone; we are very similar that way. I need to get acquainted with those difficult polices belts. I want to hear the slow tear of the Velcro as I peel it off him. I want to bite his neck but have to restrain myself, that was not part of the negotiations.
I back a little and smile; he takes his t-shirt off; I love watching a man undress. Unzips his pants brusquely, pulls his shoes and socks off; the pants follow and his bratty self comes out. He throws his pants on my face. I catch them hold him by the back of his neck and guide him to turn facing the cross. He starts fighting as I try to cuff his hands; his playful bratty self comes out once again. He and I both love resisting and horsing around. I grab the side of his torso firmly with my nails; he screams in pain and stops fighting. Cuffs are on! He sadly says: but now I cannot fight anymore. I smile and walk behind him. He is immediately trying to hook my leg with his leg. I hold his ankle in between my legs and tease his legs with my nails.
I start kneading into his muscles, running my nails lightly from his head to the small of his back, skipping his covered butt, and moving to his legs; I grin because I know he is ticklish. I love scratching when I play, watching the skin turning red makes me hot. I want to bite him badly and I do, but I know I cannot leave traces of my mouth hugs :( ... I make the thought of seeing my dental imprint on him disappear.
I grab a flogger and start warming him up; first the light flogger, beating his back and his meaty butt. I stop to check his skin and sensitize the skin a bit more. Running my nails harder down his back. I love watching his body arch; I love hearing his sounds ranging from low pleasurable groans and moans to screaming and squealing in pain, while calling me names, taunting me even more. I combined my claws and my nails exploring his body, looking for those sensitive areas; I'm looking for the most sensitive places to exploit and overwhelm. I alternate flogging with exploration.
I grab my wartenberg seven wheeler; I start on top of his head, down his exposed nape, down his neck, and as I proceed my way down, he comes undone screaming, "you fucking bitch!", growling "you cunt". I start laughing as I continue the torture on the sides of his torso; he pulls away trying to avoid the pokey wheels giving me access to his tender belly. I take my opportunity and he pulls away pressing his ass against my pelvis. I continue to run that evil wheel from side to side on the front of his body. I stop and push him back on the cross, pushing my body into his.
The flogging escalates as he continues to call me pussy, dirty whore, bitch. I find him adorable; he is cuffed to the cross, helpless and yet he still has a fight in him. I am loving the encouragement. I grab my riding crop, lightly tracing his body with the edge. I stop and start tapping his ass, progressively ramping up the intensity. He starts dancing from side to side. I'm loving this dance. I move down to his thighs, where I know it is more tender. I strike one thigh, he lifts the leg; I strike the other, he switches legs. Look! I have a beautiful dancing horse, let's repeat the routine! I alternate back and forth, making him dance more; letting him know how amused I am by his dance. I move on to cropping his tender, red back.
Move to a finger knife; he is now all squirmy and quivery. I have always been addicted to goosebumps, quivers, shivers... You get the idea. I love watching him hunker down and quiver from the stimulation, I grab heavier floggers; he wants it harder, and I'm such a good woman, I satisfy his request. I flog his ass hard, watching it lift with every blow. I repeat the motion until he begs me to stop hitting his meaty ass. I move to his back, harder, heavier blows.
His skin turning a deeper shade of red; scratching hard and light, alternating, pushing on pressure points, digging my nails on his tender back, making him scream over and over, loving the friction of my fingers against his warm skin. Loving every minute of it, of his body's responses, of his screams, of his moans, even his adorable insults. I could see his body language change; he was sinking deeper into the rabbit hole.
I grabbed my heaviest flogger and continue to tenderize him, blow after blow. His back is red and hot from all the stimulation. I turn to the DM and and she is playfully holding a bottle of alcohol. I smile broadly as she timely hands me the bottle of alcohol. I am pressing myself against him, pushing him onto the cross. I separate my torso from him and spray his back with alcohol knowing that the temperature change would shock his body, and also knowing, it was going to sting! I laugh in pleasure as he squirms and screams, keeping him pressed on the cross. I watch the alcohol evaporate, as I lightly blow over his skin watching goosebumps arise.
I continue the light teasing with my mighty claws. I could feel his body melting, relaxing, surrendering. I sprayed once again, breaking his relaxation, making him scream once again. To watch such a tough, smart ass man attempts to climb a cross, while screaming like a girl, makes me giggly. I love every minute of it; I tenderly blow and kiss his red back. I feel him dropping even further. I hand the alcohol to my evil DM friend and ask a friend to hold him; he had dropped. I grabbed the keys for the cuffs to release him, then moved to the front of the cross to hold him, wrap him, and let him collapse to the chair; holding him tightly, massaging his body, grounding him.
And since he is such a little piggy, I lit him on fire for his aftercare. I love watching a face full of bliss after a good scene, so good, I needed a ciggy after it!
Thank you for the trust officer ;)
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| Age: 28 |
| Jacksonville,
Florida |
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