Collarspace

I want to live. I want to lay in my deathbed and relax, and rest and die gracefully, without looking back and suddenly realising i've wasted my time, or didn't get around to doing the things that i really wanted to do. I want to sit on the beach at sunset with fish and chips and a beer and watch the sun go down, to throw myself into places and situations that are completely unfamiliar, where the decisions i make are more important than where to go out on a friday night, or what clothes to wear. To listen to music that makes me cry, read books that are so good i feel sad when i reach the end. I want to have (more) friends to share these kinds of moments with, and i want to submit - to someone who gets pleasure and satisfaction from dominating me - to someone who can and will inspire me to do anything for them - to suffer for them, to serve them, to make their will, whims, desires more important than my own - to leave them completely free to do anything they desire without needing to hold back anything - no matter how weird or cruel or stupid or selfish or gross or boring or ... that 'anything' may be. Is there such a person as this out there, or am i just dreaming ? i wonder