Admitting that you are not, never were, and never will be what you used to try to convince yourself you were is painful.
Is there some lingering fear of saying aloud what is being shouted in your brain?
Perhaps the pain you feel is actually the TRUTH pushing against the walls of the lie you have built...the lie you live. The one that you know so well that you are SURE others can see written on your face.
That pain is actually the FEAR of letting go of the lie and embracing what is truly real for you!
So how about this:
MAYBE THE PAIN YOU FEEL WILL STOP WHEN YOU QUIT TRYING TO USE THE LIE TO RESTRAIN THE TRUTH. THE TRUTH IS YOU FEEL WEAK IN THE PRESENCE OF A BLACK MAN...YOU FEEL VULNERABLE...YOU FEEL LIKE IF YOU COULD ONLY UNBURDEN YOURSELF BY SURRENDERING THIS FALSE MANHOOD YOU CARRY AROUND LIKE A MASK...THEN...JUST MAYBE.... |