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Well guys it's been a long time since I wrote a journal. I've been going through a lot good and bad. I try not to focus on the bad because the good is really really good. I'm not going to update anything too much right now. But let's just say someone has finally caught my eye... Again. In this lifestyle is not finding out who's the best of the best but who you can love at their worst. And a lot of guys falter especially on this site when put in a situation where they're not getting what they want. I'm looking for somebody who can I don't know not hear what they want to hear and still put their best face forward. Instead of turning into a child that doesn't get the lollipop they asked for LOL. Let's just say another one Bites the Dust today. But in
his failure someone else amazingly succeeds. |
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I can't stress this enough I will not respond to messages from blank profiles .....I can understand how you can't post pics because heaven forbid your co workers at McDonald's find out your kinky.....but if I can take the time to write a profile which you probably didn't bother to read...(yes male switches I have no interest in)You can at lest write why your here and who you are because when I see ask me anything my first question is going to be why is your profile blank? Lol |
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Part two
I worked cooked and clean as they sat on their ass and enjoyed the fruit of my labor....without any care or even the slightest bit of BDSM in any retrospect sexual mental or otherwise.
Well that chapter is done I realize I may have a preference I'm been scared to say because of what people may think of me but I'm seeing a pattern and I took it upon myself to break it.In the last month I've come across a wonderful Dom who life is a clear example of his dominance.....he see the submissive instead of me and even though frankly I'm inferior in ever way ....he letting prove my worth...that what submission is ....proving my worth through my submission to a Dom who superior ...I can't wait to see where're this goes.
It's been beautiful but there so much more to come.....new pic added! |
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I've learned a lot about myself in the last month.That maybe I was going about my search all wrong...go figure.....better 24 than 42 right?....lucky for me I'm a quick learner.See I made the mistake of trying to find a decent guy instead of an compatible Dom.See when I take a break from Cm it's because I'm in a relationship....the last time I was engaged.
I had to let him go ....he wasn't right for me and was moving way to fast in order too keep me.I was searching like I was still looking for a vanilla guy when sadly there are different set of standards when compared to a Dom.
A very intelligent man who has been my reality check on Cm told me a Dom shapes his surrounding to benifit him.His life should be a reflexion on how dominant he is.So can one be dominant in his mother house? In a mininum wage job? ....in hind sight no...sadly... But to prove I wasn't a gold digging ho I settle for these guys. |
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I've been gone for quite a long time… Again. There's just something about me and mischief that we keep finding each other.For those I'm close too thank you for you support.To everyone that reads my journal sorry if they fail to make sense.I got into an accident and I've been pretty damn spacey for the last couple of months.So with that being said I won't delete the entries.I want to remember maybe one day they will make sense because they sure as hell don't make sense now...god bless prescription drugs.
Anyhow I've reached a new turning point.Since I've been gone I relocated and gotten a new job.And for the 1st time in a long time I'm happy.Sadly with my new found happiness some people had to leave.To them I wish them the best of luck but I realize that happiness even though I'm submissive is a two way street.So if your impeding on my happiness then I have to let you go.Im learning that just because I'm submissive doesn't mean that my feeling my life and ambitions have to be on the back burner.Rather I need to find a Dom whom feels I'm worthy of bettering myself and that my happiness is important.
See servitude comes easy to me.I've always believed that anticipating a person needs was important.Men are simple learn what they want and do it.Ask for what you need to feel whole and they will do there best to fulfill it.Hear his needs wants and desires and make them happen.Trust his judgement.And that loyality and the ability to make a home a refuge from the outside world is a must and not a perk. That's easy but finding someone who understands me the way I will understand him....that the hard part.... |
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Have you ever made a mistake? Did something you wish you could take back wish you could reverse? I have had the blessing to have so many do overs so many opportunities to start over.That at this point I almost forgot who I was to start with.
But who did I love it...something about finding a new place having a fresh start ,just breathes life with where here there is no are.But sadly this type of nomadic lifestyle make people who don't really understand me,consistently condemn me. Accuses me of never toughing things out. These people will never understand how short life is....never really grasp that there is no such thing as tomorrow because today can be the last day.....Right now I'm young and If I may humble say so I'm beautiful why waste my youth,my love of life growing bitter trying to fix what is clearly broken.No offense but I don't want to be here searching at 45.I have no desire to wake up next to man whom I don't love and doesn't love me.
I want to love and be loved. I want hot passionate sex with a person that I don't regret giving myself too. I want to feel the sting of a whip while I humble myself in devotion ....I'm sick of acting like I gotta settle...when frankly I just want to live.
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Just taking a break for a week or two see you soon |
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Finally both of my cakes are done and ready for transport. With all this frenzy over the iphone I was more than happy to do the cake.But with all the extra work I put in it I felt I should of charged more but it came out awesome. That and the peanut butter cup speciality ice cream cake. I think $100 was a steal.I just did it to prove to myself that i could but I can't wait to get more decorating stuff.I'm saving up for an edible printer it would make making another iphone cake easier.
Im so excited about my vacation. I'm getting all dolled up just to go!On the BDSM side of things I caught myself daydreaming about my old Dom.There are very few Doms that care to perfect a sub outside of how to give a proper blow job.This guy made sure that everything I did was perfect Sitting up completely straight which is hard ..because most of my weight is in my breast.The way I walk and talked everything had to be feminine and when I got home no matter how many hours I worked.Dinner was waiting for him and the dishes had to be done.
But he took care of me so I do anything for him.I want that feeling back so badly.Is it possible to just miss a personality and not the person? That's what racks my brain he wasn't a bad guy but emotionally ....the lights were on but no one was home.So I guess the real question can I find a good Dom who will push me mold me...demand the best of me...but still be able to....dare I say it...no I won't because by nov 3 I'll have my answer. |
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I can still remember those feeling.That passion how I would melt when he touched me.The feeling of the air being thin when he kissed me.I love feeling that passion. There is so much chemistry to Bdsm and with the right person there is a rush of endorphins and serotonin it's like pure bliss.Damn how my body aches....But I'll be patient.I've been so busy with what I thought was life "work" that I stopped living.
Everyday I'm surrounded by people who let work consumed.People 15 years my senior with relationships of 5+ years with people who won't marry them, I find that laughable.We live in a world with almost 0 job stability.Work can and will wait but youth is fleeting.So I decided I'm going to live.My vacation starts soon and I'm am so damn gone.
There is something pulling me to this next destination....I can't wait to see what happens next! |
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So a lot of interesting things have happen as of late.So quick update (I may make another journal) last Sat I had a chance to meet a Dom form here. Not like this was the 1st time more like the 5th but still it's worth mentioning. Usually it takes me at minimum 2 -3 weeks to feel comfortable about meeting a Dom ...it took 3 days.He was very forward and I'm not sure if I liked it.If I knew him a little better maybe it would of been different.But I decided to live a little while still being very carful.So I met him in a public very busy place once I was positive he wasn't a serial Killer lol.Well He was decent looking think Luca from master chef ...Blue grayish eyes 6 "3 Greek . Had a few quirks but who doesn't.So there I was sitting across from him with my hair Curly (oh I went natural btw) lips red with a black collar with Red rhinestones.I could see people unapologetically burning a hole through us. The best part was that he didn't even notice or pretended not too he held and kiss my hand It was nice.Though he was maybe too touchy feely for a 1st date and talked about his exs way too much ( in an effort to show me how great he was lol how cute)it was still very decent ....So while I get the fact men want to give off a masculine Dom vibe dealing with someone you don't know very well your better of being subtle and leaving them wanting more, then coming off to strong and making me wonder if I should start carrying mace again lmao.
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Yea time off work +insomnia= time for another journal. YEA! So what to write about at 2am...well for one I solved the mystery of what happen to the "men" on Craigslist...they end up as "Doms" on collarme...go figure? I guess when your too cheap to pay a pro and have less personality than a ham sandwich why not right ? Us girls can only block you once and you got all that extra time on your hands, that you can wait for that silly old spam filter to run out so you can get back to business..Ok so besides reading the funny pages also know as my bulk mail, I actually got around to my own personal improvements. With work being so demanding I don't feel I have enough time to devote to finding someone to connect with. So lately I just been working on what I feel are "the basics". Things I've done when in a committed D/s relationship, which are Improving my cooking skills,staying fit and not getting lazy with my domestic skills. So no matter how long I work be it 4 hr shift or 10 hr shift I make it my top priority to get all the cleaning done try a new recipe and if I haven't past out get a work out in.But lately I've been so stressed out that not even the unsolicited messages I get,from complete strangers demanding I be their obedient slave (without even asking my name) could cheer me up........so you know what I did collarme.....I bought... a Hula hoop...and what do you know I feel alot better....It reminded me of when I 1st started belly dancing ......Well heres to a good laugh it's been beautiful collarme mwah night. |
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Even though It is on my profile I will restate that I'm not looking for the following:
Men over 46
Women
Bi men
Men who switch (ever)
or my personal fav confused bi male who switches
but thinks he can Dom me gotta love it
I'm open as far as race,color, and weight. And while weight is usually a non issue I will say because I am BMI proportionate (you can only get what your giving) I merely ask that you be healthy or trying to get to a healthy size. Since I can cook quite well I'm sure I can cater to most if not all dietary/religious needs. Though I don't have to explain myself I will say my preferences (age and sexuality) are set for there strictly for compatibility.
And if you feel that because I'm in this lifestyle and list myself as a Sub that I'm not entitled to this. Then I guess I was right about compatibility ;).Though rest assure knowing that all and any complaints can be forwarded to my don't give a damn box also know as Bulk Mail. Where each and every message will get an extra special deleted unread lol. Everyone else please be realistic about what you want and have a reference other than Disney or porn when deciding on how women,submissive or otherwise should act. And if you must be that guy who sends me a one liner (made from some random cherry picked fact) please make it original.
If you happen to message me pls remember I have a life and while it may take time to get back to you sometimes ,no answer is an answer.Why? because while you may think it's rude when I don't reply. I feel its rude when a complete stranger mandates I respond to unsolicited mail. So there we're even lol See I have a good sense of humor. So lighten up collarme it's been beautiful. |
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I usually do an audio journal but sadly I have to do this one via text. Why because either collarme has it that when people not using a computer views my journal, all they can see are the text entries rather than the audio entries.I hope that's the case...While I'm well aware that if intelligence was measured by temp this site would be lukewarm, I still expect better.If my journal entry was back in August why the hell are you referring to something almost 8 mos after the fact. The lack of originality when it comes to starting a conversation is mind numbing.But I digress.
To answer the question I kept getting from said journal I left because I had a Dom. Yes ...had. See long story short he was an awesome guy but we just could never see each other and that's hard for me. Mind you we both work very hard but my new place is quite a way away and the distance was unbearable. I might sound big and tuff ;) but I'm such a little girl when it comes to my Dom. So if I couldn't cook him dinner (cause if it was up to him he drink a beer with some mystery meat hotdog) and iron his shirt and please him in ways that even now make me blush...and yes I can blush lmao. Then it was like ...idk I felt...empty. Wasn't fair to me or him so somewhere in between our busy lives we moved on. No harm no foul no actually break up really I don't think either of us could actually say it but trust me its got a fork in it lol.
So no surprise here I type like a talk for hours with lots of run on senstences. I'm no longer working 2 jobs which I never needed in a 1st place... But what can I say I like to keep busy. Well it's been beautiful goodmorning collarme.
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after a very long hiatus im back....lol the real question is did u miss me? lol from the look of my inbox seems at lest the ones i missed have so much has happen since i last got a chance to write but im so happy to be back the vanilla world just isnt for me and to live without a dom is like living without air it was painful...making me realize even more that bdsm is an important component in my life.... |
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Hello, its me again. I like to thank all those who read my journal and respond to it.Be it negative or positive, though if you went overboard don't be surprise if you got blocked lol. I'll start my entry off by saying I do not write to debate my views or entertain users but to record my journey.
I feel I must write because hopefully (by a slight chance) the master I am looking for reads my journal.And can see I am not only a sub with an adequate body but I am also a sub with substance.Because I must stress I search for a Dom who is intelligent who can see that my mind is just as much as an asset as physical appearance.And wishes not only to possess it but is also capable of bending it to his will. Any Dom who wish only to possess my body need not contact me, because I need someone who can dominate me on all levels.
Meaning my MIND, body AND soul because lets be honest looks fade.Plus some of you not so attractive doms have no right being so superficial lol (Just a joke..lighten up). oh before I forget today I wrote another entry thats an open letter to users who read my 9/06/10 entry and were confused about the message I hope this clears the air.
9/11 WTC never forget |
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To whom it may concern,
To feel ENTITLED to a person's time and/or affections (and you do not own them) is not only pathetic it's extremely insecure (this is no way aimed at anyone in particular). Though your entitled to your opinion my journal is based on my perspective. I find all too often men who call themselves doms throw tantrums like small children because they have been rejected or I won't let them collar me in a week lol.Just because we're subs does not mean we have to comply to the whims of every Dom we encounter (You can't command someone you do not own).I understand human nature is to become discourage when turn down or scammed. BUT It does not give anyone licence to be rude and malice at others who have done nothing wrong. Thats my problem how can you seek total control of another if you have no control over yourself or your emotions? I will suffer the cry babies and wannabes on this site in order to find the Dom I seek and I'll do it with class.Because you get what you give and bitterness= loneliness.
Sincerely,
submissive mya |
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It's funny I seen some very interesting "characters" on this site and the longer I'm here the more crazy they become...I ask myself this..How can you look for someone if your so bitter?..people please take your meds and lighten up! Will everyone be what your looking for? no. Will you see eye to eye with every person?no. Learn to take things in stride (rejection as well people). I've run into some of the most insecure,hateful,and/or negative people,Who only have just enough intelligence to make a profile. But it doesn't negate the charismatic, attractive and interesting people I've met thus far. I might just be an extremely optimistic person but hey..somebody gotta do it lol. |
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This whole experience has been quite exciting. Since leaving my old life I've finally been able to..express myself. And most people I've encounter have been perfect gentlemen...So i like to thank those who have so graciously offer to help me on my journey.I'm quite sure somewhere on this site I will be able to find my Dom. |
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