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One of the reasons I joined here is the thoughts I have in my head are
not something that I can talk to guy friends about, and until now, have
not discussed with anyone. I think about it a lot. Most of the rest of
the world views this as a weakness for a male to have feelings like
that and being a person that has to act tuff, be quick on my toes and
not let anyone take advantage of, it causes a conflict inside of me.
The thoughts of wanting to be controlled, tied up, possibly
blindfolded, completely out of control, overwhelms me. I think about
being "broken" and somewhat enjoying a level of pain inflicted on me
with a whip and cbt. Being left for a period in a restraint and not
knowing if or when I would be released, and then being confronted and
forced to serve her needs and then being discarded for a period and it
starting all over. I have had a fear and been excited about possibly
being put in a position knowing that my new found mistress had
intentions of breaking my pride by entering me with something from the
rear and being scared and interested at the same time. I know there is
a difference of "breath control"(which interest me alot) being a life
and death control. The reason it interest me is the idea that being
"controlled" and not knowing the outcome, whether it could be passing
out or death is scary, however, if I am controlled fully by a women,
knowing that I am owned and that she has the ability to take my life if
she wishes, but does not is kind of a deep, dark fantasy of complete
control. You must accept the possiblilty but TRUST fully that it would
not go that far. It is part of giving in and allowing someone else to
own you. I don't know if I think of these feelings completely with
shame or anything, but they are held down deep. That is one reason I am here I want to explore my thoughts more
fully when it comes to this and figure out what I need to do to get on
more of a level field and not feel as though they are taboo.
One a vanilla note: I love challenges and that is why I love owning a business. I am an adrenaline junkie and own fast cars and motorcycles. I have raced in the past and love to go fast...... Love the outdoors also...
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