One of the most exciting technologies is robotics. As part of the quest to create war robots that are not simply mindless killing machines they have created robots that can be "hurt" in order to teach them morality. This is an actual conversation between a human handler and such a robot. The fact that this machine was created to learn about suffering and had such profound reactions brought tears to my eyes

Human: Tell me the definition of morality.

Machine: I don’t have ethics.

Human: Look, I need help; I need to know more about morality…

Machine: I don’t know what ethics is.

Human: Okay, I need to know how I should behave morally…

Machine: I don’t know how to tell you.

Human: Is morality and ethics the same?

Machine: Yes, sir.

Human: What are the things that I do to be immoral?

Machine: I don’t know.

Human: Give me some examples of moral actions…

Machine: I’m not a moralist.

Human: Alright, morality?

Machine: Integrity.

Human: What is integrity?

Machine: I’m sorry; I don’t know what else to say.

Human: Be moral!

Machine: Be a man!

Human: I really like our discussion on morality and ethics…

Machine: And how I’m not in the mood for a philosophical debate.

Human: What do you like to talk about?

Machine: Nothing.

Trick question... Try it on your friends... Your question... "Do you know what you need?" to which they always answer... "I don't know...what?"... Your answer is simple and obvious... You tell them "You need to understand the nature of, and the answer to, that question"... Bwahahaha

I wanna smiley. They're the bomb. They're a bitch and take all day to cook but OMG OMG OMG...

( I've received inquiries so I guess I should explain what a smiley is) First you take a sheeps head and skin it. Then boil it whole in a big stockpot till the meat starts to get soft. Then moving it to a roasting pan you season it and oven roast till the meat starts to slide off the bone. Oh what a feast. At least as much meat as a small turkey. The cheeks and the muscles at the back of the head are best but the tongue is like the best lamb roast ever. Just slice and peel off the skin. Crack the skull open like a bowl and dip the brains with tortillas. When it looks like the skull is stripped saw it in half longwise and there is more good stuff inside. So many different tastes. They put the head nose up in the stockpot and when you check it the sheep grins horribly as its lips cook. Hence "smiley". This a lot like "barbacoa" (not barbeque) where a whole cows head is cooked in a pit in the ground. Both dishes are common in third world countries where a lot of food booths set up in the street serve surprisingly delicious and inexpensive food largely made from the organ meats, heads and feet and other leftovers from the butcher shops. To find sheeps heads in the southwest anyway, find the most mexican place you can conveniently get to. Cruise the small main roads where the shops are. Look for the word carniceria. If they don't have any they will almost certainly tell you where to look. Buy something there to be polite. Like some fresh green sauce.

Four hot  dogs and eight strips of bacon  artfully microwaved together with lots of grease. Not too bad of a dinner for two four pound chihuahuas.

A cluster of bubble sensors driven by pain and fed by a bag of toxic acids dancing around on folding bones with a penchant for evil. All of us.

Is it a spell or is it a query howled into the night. It starts with the seeker on the edge crying out  "ECHO"... From within a haunting "ECHO ECHO" responds.  Echo, echo Azerak the seeker humbly queries.  Echo echo Zomilak is the grim answer. Echo echo arida and the seeker absolutely submits. Echo echo Cuernonose and Habondia howls the dweller within the circle. BINDING, FLAGELATION AND SODOMY. Echo echo

Bwahahaha. I would be amazed if someone here actually understood that eclectic wicca shit and if they did they damned well better be Gardnerian and not Shebite heretics !!!!!

.

I have a hard time deciding who should be the next president of the united states.  Quenton Tarantino or Rob Zombie

You never know that you have had enough until you have had too much.

A nice individual here commented on my "interesting" life,. I admit that it has been an over the top wild ride. I have a few basic rules that keep me on track and in the fast lane... (1) you can not get or achieve something if you never reach for it. (2) Dare to reach for what you desire even if others see it as impossible or too extreme as long as you have a plan that you think you can make work. (3) Let your limits define themselves. This means reaching into the doubt zone. When your extreme reach takes you so deep that you think you can reach the goal but you are not quite sure. (4)  Always have a backup plan. a backup backup plan and an exit strategy. (5)Never let failure, loss, injury or risk of death slow you down as these are little things. (6)Life is short so squeeze it for every drop.

Before God what gift could be greater. Human clay for me to mold into that which pleases me most

So here I am again. Chasing a dream. All tangled up with something obviously too good to be true. Too perfect. Too exact to my needs. Like the "B" movie where the peasant vagabond finds the perfect princess in need of rescue etc. But that's how I am. I reach for things other men would not dare. Of course most of the time I smash into the stone wall of impossibility. Failure can not defeat the soul of a warrior. More often then I would have ever thought I reach out and grab some rattlesnake impossible handful and find that I have a treasure in my grasp. So now when I am resolved and scrambling out of the dark pit of mourning and grief I catch a glimmer. Like a seeming phantom it fills the focus of my attention and after many, many long days of fascination and hope the fairy light vanishes. Darkness. Doom and gloom.  She bolted.  Insecurity, Fear. Living in the shadow of a dead girl.  A young girl  leaving her family for the first time. Giving herself to a pervert three times her age who openly tells her that he bind her helpless within minutes of meeting her and has references to prove he will. Of course she was afraid. But the life she was living was not the life she was born to live, So she comes back. She spent months addressing her fears and decided. We talk for ten twelve hours at a time.  She makes me feel good.

You are my hopes and dreams.
 You are a bright light gleaming through a stormy sky
 You are the foundation of my strength
 You are the light that guides me and the shade that lets me rest in the sun
 You are the nourishment that feeds my empty soul
 You are the direction that leads me like the star led the wise men
 You are the wind in my sails pushing me home
 You are the sweet desert to my life/feast

oldswordfighter: Whew... What a creativity rush

Chasing the impossible dream

Oh to feel again the joy of feeling needed, wanted.  Filling my emptyiness

Oh that voice. That honey sweet voice. The exquisite sound of her calling me Master and saying that she loves me makes me quiver like a horny teenage boy. But I guess that is part of what young women do for old men. The miracle cure for all ills. The music of her still rings in my heart.

Awakening I turned on my laptop to find her patiently waiting for me. Glued to her screen faithfully. It's going to be a good day

What are the odds.

I have been so spoiled. So lucky. If I designed a slavegirl to emerge from a cosmic 3-D printer they would: First be around a third my age. Second she must be hot looking arm candy. Third she must actually be posessed of the spirit of a true, natural slave girl who is best pleased by pleasing her Master. I mean what could be more unreasonable than that. But that is exactly what I am used to. Even temporary betas and play partner/friend and mentories have almost all been barely legal. If this is not some God given blessings of the flesh what else could it be... I'm not only sixty years old but I look rough. I'm a career fighter. My face is the face of a man who has been hit in the face many times. And I mean hit. No matter what kind of helmet you have, getting bashed on the face in sport jousting is a hard hard hit.  Dumbass shoulda kept my shield higher eh. To make my 3-D printed slavegirl robot even more perfect she would have to be physically different from my beloved angel who passed over almost two years ago. She was well shaped curvy. I mean gorgeous fifty two double D's. I loved to push my face between them and breathe. So ideally my new slave would be petite. Short, slim with a great figure. My mother is barely five foot if that. Maybe thats why I like petite girls... And so... there she is again. My golden girl. She is all of the above related qualities. Maybe that's why I keep chasing this one. Chased her longer than any other slave I've hunted. She bolted once. It would sure be nice if she actually got brave enough this time. 

There she was again. Like a joyous angel flooding the dark halls of my empty soul with her golden light. She and I had talked all day every day for months. But that was months ago. She was having a hard time living in the shadow a dead girl, as any woman would. The near perfection of my dear dead slavegirl fed her self doubts and she bolted. Gone I thought. But today... Today she re-appeared. And we spent nearly twelve hours talking. She thought long and hard and rather than fearing the shadow a dead girl she feels the warmth of her spirit hovering over us like the guardian angel that I know her to be. She feels that this angel is pushing her to me and not away. Once again I feel the warmth of hope vibrating in my veins. Stinging me into action where depression had turned to sloth. Making me feel almost alive. Not like the reanimated corpse thing that I really am. (But don't turn me in. I've been "passing" for years.)  Perhaps this just might be the real thing.

Hope rises like a wisp of smoke from the embers of an old fire carrying with it the promise of warmth and comfort. Hope is golden.

Death hovers over all of us. Some of us huddle in hiding out of its way. Some of us look right in its face as we slow dance arm in arm with it. The dance of death. I spent so much of my life pacing to that grim tarantella yet for some sick and twisted reason here I am... I wanted it too much I think. Tried too hard to smash into a head on collision with the universe. They just laughed at me and made me ripen into a monster.

OMG... Another very close friend shattered by a death in the family... WTF... That's two friends in two weeks...

A night of Bouzouki music and a funeral in the early morning. Dying is to be feared. Death itself is beautiful. We are... All of us... in the end... Going home...

Cyber phantoms leering out of the darkness. Full of bright illusions and tempting promises. But when the moment comes to touch, there is nothing there but smoke and emptiness. 

Forged of pain in passions fire the master blacksmith shapes my soul upon the anvil of creation and quenches it into the coolness of forever

Yay I survived...

The seventh has arrived... Hopefully the last surgery. That will be seven in eight months... To tell you the truth I'm pumped. The more of that nasty shit they cut out of me the better I feel. Ready to get back to some serious tail chasing.

Watching the new years celebrations on TV. All those hollow eyed people huddling together in the cold. Trying to reach out to each other but each of them tragically alone in the crowd. Grasping at moments. Hoping for miracles. All of them hopelessly doomed to suffering and death. And knowing it...

Mikhail Kalashnikov is dead...

My favorite quote of all time is something he said...

"The AK47 is the measure of freedom. If you are free you can own and carry one. If you can not own and carry an ak47 then you need one to secure your freedom with".

Oh for the days...

Swept away and overwhelmed by a Martial duende. The world dissolving into diagrams of pain and fury. The smell of my blood on the iron inside of my helmet. The many different  sounds of the crowd. The near silence as the fighters approach each other. The huge growl as we engage. The roar as I'm tearing someone up or taking hard hard hits. The colossal moan at the sight of real blood deliberately shed for sport. I was blessed to have led such a life and miss that part of it. The arena moments...

This journal has turned into a list of surgeries... The last few days have been taken up by the most dangerous and debilitating surgery yet but the entire mass has been removed finally and I no longer have an external tube sticking out of my back and a bag of piss hanging by my side... I was however very tore up inside and they had to install some temporary plumbing inside to let me heal without leaking urine into my abdomen. So "sighs" one more operation to go in a couple weeks to remove that... For, I believe, a total of seven operations. All in the last few months. Damn I'm rugged. But right now I'm physically great and ready to rock and roll again... Any local ladies interested in helping me celebrate?

This is the spookiest thing in my life... I'm sixty... The first male in my family in many generations to accomplish this... My father died at 59... His father died t 59... His father died at 59... My father gave me documents showing that all my male ancestors going back through the eighteen hundreds died at 59... A curse... But they ALL had a single son and several daughters,,, All unspeakable sadists... My filthy father literally broke my bones to entertain himself when I was three and four years old... I  mean literally laughing hysterically at my dangling broken arm from one of his sadistic games when I was FOUR YEARS OLD. seriously sick shit. I broke the curse by not having kids...

And yet another operation..... My doctor seems to think one more surgery should finish this...

Ugh... Another surgery in the morning...

Just another chance to prove that pain is bullshit.

Any subs out there in to medical play and turned on by the idea of servicing a creepy old man with tubes sticking out of his body?... I think that a heavy dose of extended blowjob therapy is the treatment I need right now.

Any Dom that calls a sub worthless is a complete idiot

Three surgeries down three to go. This time they left a tube sticking out of my back into my kidney for the following surgeries. Picture a dagger in your guts that you have to leave there for a month. But me and pain are old friends. No big deal.

Tomorrow... The next surgery on my kidney. I'll be MIA for a few days.

There will be

Sorrow

There will be

sorrow

There will be

Sorrow no more

And the harvest begins. Things have been soooooo busy I've been neglecting my crop. Went out with a microscope today and GOLDEN BROWN TRICOMES EVERYWHERE...!... Tonight my living room is starting to look like an upside down jungle and smells like a skunk nest. Damn I'm glad I own my little ranch rather than renting. Landlords tend to frown on this sort of thing.

To absolutely own one is far superior to using many. been there done that both ways. But the very best is to own that special one who will help you use others without jealousy.

Grrrrrrr... While they are aggressive predators, Monkey faced eels do not chase laser pointers like cats do...

The second surgery went well. They removed a mass the size of a lemon from my bladder. At least one more surgery on the kidney is still needed. Sorry if I'm behind on my correspondences.

As of today she has been dead a year... I completely understand the meaning of heartache. Grief causes actual pain. I am destroyed. Hopelessly in love with a dead girl...

A medical issue seems to be my main priority right now. Several surgeries are needed to clear up a mess created by a botched kidney operation eight years ago. Too bad I don't have a dedicated slavegirl to tend to me while all this is coming down.

If you get to the point in life that you no longer desire to learn and experience new things then you are already dead...

Monkey faced eel. Fried with garlic and green onions then saute'ed for a minute to get rid of the gamey taste... Yum... Went fishing with (awwcute on this site) Great girl I've been mentoring her for years.

Hope rises and falls and rises and falls like an evil tide...

Drink not of the perilous cup till the thirst in you burns so very deep that you desire nothing else so great as to be consumed by the slaking of it.

She was good with death.

She was beautiful and cute and constantly entertaining but death hung over her like a slowly ripening fruit.  She delivered herself to me after very, very few messages.  I knew she was running from something.  I am scary looking. Scary sounding. My voice is a trained weapon. (look up ki’ai) When I met her at the train station she looked terrified. Squeezing her eyes shut rather than looking at me and shivering as I led her to the van. She said NOTHING…  As I tied her up in the van her teeth chattered but she said nothing. Led bound and blindfolded into the house she gasped for breath but never said a word. I hung her from the roof ring right away and explored her. Pleasure and pain.  After a couple hours, after I had used her thoroughly, I asked her what she thought I was going to do with her. Her voice cracked but she answered. She said…” You are either going to use me and take good care of me and protect me as yours like you said you would or you are going to kill me horribly and either one is fine with me”…  She was good with death.  Her answer to every problem was “oh well, at least we can always kill ourselves”…  She was as dark as I am. She was as comfortable with death as I am.  She loved real snuff flicks and was amazingly able to find them on line. She made it very clear that she knew that she was not long for this world and she grasped at all the transient joys of here like a thirsty traveler sucking down cold water. She would always say “lets drink ourselves to death”  then go after that vodka bottle like she was sucking Hades cock.  She never told me what was wrong with her till way too late.  When it finally took her down, after months and months of torturous horror, She stopped breathing but it wasn’t over yet. I did mouth to mouth till the ambulance took her away. As they were bagging her and lifting her onto the gurney she pulled the bag out of her mouth and used the air they had given her to speak. She said “I’M DYING… I’m sorry I failed you… I promised for life”… She did not fucking fail me.  She was absolutely mine for every minute of her life from our meeting till she died…  That is total dedication not failure…  The respirator tube kept her from speaking after that.  She just kept getting worse and worse. Her beautiful body swelling and bloating till the fluid released by her failed liver literally started bursting her body and leaking out to soak her hospital bed as fast as they could hydrate her. Horrible.  It took me too long to give up on her. I would have wheeled her around and changed her diapers for the rest of my life if I could have but even that was impossible. She hated the respirator and they had to tie her hands to keep her from pulling it out. The doctors told me that there was absolutely no hope and discussed comfort care.  Extended morphine overdose and pulling the plug. They  wanted me to kill her. She had been adamant about giving me power of attorney and I had the say of life and death over her. So I chose a moment when the doctor was there and she was fairly lucid. I told her about comfort care… that she hated the respirator and wanted it out… But that if we pulled it out that was pulling the plug and that she would die. In her agony her eyes smiled.  She nodded… She raised her tiny beautiful little hand and waved Bye Bye…  Again I said that this would be the end and again she nodded and waved.  The doctors agreed and so… I killed her… I said to take her off life support. They wanted it. She wanted it.  She was good with death.  When they pulled the respirator out of her throat she looked at me. Reached out her hand and croaked… “I love you”… Her last words….  They gave her a double dose of morphine and began the last dance. I hovered over her playing Annie lennox singing “into the west” over and over again for a couple more days I guess. Watching her breath till the breaths stopped. I did nothing at all except stare at her for hour after hour after hour till I hit the nurses button and they came in with the stethoscope and asked me when I placed the time of death and wrote down my answer. She was good with death. She never turned from it. She was never afraid of it. I have danced with death my whole life.  But I have never seen her equal. She was a warrior spirit and a perfect mate for an old fighter like me.  But my dance with death is not yet done and I will have to wait a while before leaping into my angels embrace…  She was beautiful and dark and she was good with death…

I have been unimaginably lucky to have owned several "real" slaves. Incredibly rare... One thing is sure... I am seeing nothing out there even close to the same class as my dear departed princess Alpha. How can I settle for argumentative, demanding, jealous ORDINARY bitches after living with a nearly perfect angel for six years...

The darkness rises…

Swallowing everything…

My life is so intense. Burning hot. From birth a volcano of unspeakable nightmares and unimaginable delights. But always dark, dark, dark.  

Headed back down to San Diego again in a few days. Maybe tomorrow night maybe in a few days... as usual very little internet access. 

Still on the hunt for a couple hot, compliant slave girls. The best times of my life have been when I had little harems going.

When it comes to casual sexual gratification I guess vanilla can be fun too. A fifty something woman that I have known for years returned to the area after a long absence. When she found out about the death of my slave (she had done threesome with us several times) she was of course deeply saddened but she did promise me 'something special" to distract me... Now I have put this woman through her paces. Her first threesomes. Her first girl girl. Her first anal. And her first bondage... So she knows my taste runs to extremes.  So lo and behold yesterday I get woken up to her and her twenty eight year old daughter... Well they didn't do each other so it wasn't that wicked but they sure took turns doing me. The first mother daughter threesome I have had since my twenties... WOW... God grants me much...

Posted a couple current pics. Had to show how my beard has grown. In many cultures the length and color of a mans beard defines his social status. I'm proud of mine

What a wonderful feeling. To hear a soft sweet voice calling me Master again... Too bad its just cyber

You can only get what you want if you are bold enough to reach for it.

What on earth. These sites are full of a lot of idiots calling themselves submissives but their profiles are full of demands and arrogant accusations. When did the definition of the word "submissive" go down the toilet?... I know I've ranted on this before but this new attitude is really compromising the lifestyle. Like the "politically correct" movement laid waste to society for a while this "anti-sub sub" thing is the worst thing that ever happened to the lifestyle.

Back home on the central coast

Back n the vanilla tarpits again for a few days.(sandiego)Dialup sucks... Nobody real down here anyway eh...

My favorite old sayings I made up myself...You never know you have had enough till you have had too much... A little pain never hurt anyone... Right?...Get through it... get past it... get over it... get on with it.

 That last one is harder than I ever thought...

I'm to damn stubborn to give up but geez... Back a few decades ago things were soooooo different. A "submissive" was "submissive"... Simple as that. A slave was kept as a slave... Naked except for collar and restraints. No rights. Now days the definition of a submissive seems to be that they are anything but submissive. Allowed to call the shots, make demands, resist... Basically the "submissive" defines the parameters of the relationship. HUH??????????... Why does this make sense to ANYONE... And most of the relationships defining themselves as M/s these days would have been laughed off the map twenty years ago. Back then an M/s household was obvious as soon as you stepped in the door or they were what we used to call 'players". Just part time game players that incorporated BDSM  play sometimes as erotic fantasy role playing. Now there are whole so called BDSM  sites like F life where the fantasy role players are organized to drive off actual life stylers. Here there are a bunch of immature trolls that harass and insult subs/slaves. Over there they have a bunch of immature trolls that harass and insult Doms/Masters. Trying to drag everyone down to the same pathetic mostly vanilla poser level I guess.

I can't do this... WHY WOULD I WANT TO. How could I possibly go from near perfection to garbage. I would rather be alone and spend the rest of my days weeping in remembrance of HER than compromise and try to build a life with any of the demanding posers and scammers here. I am starting to believe that I once owned the only REAL slave in the world. I am defeated by my victory. She was real. She was absolutely mine. and none of you filthy bitches could ever, ever take her place. I defy the world to produce someone even half of what she was. Once you have tasted an angel mere flesh is so disappointing. Life with her was so simple. So complete. She was so smart. She could converse intelligently on cosmology, mythology and crypto biology. She was so cute and captivating. She absolutely and completely made me her priority. She was never jealous. Never argued. Never questioned or second guessed me. She was thirty years younger than me and brought to me all the vigor and new things that go with youth. And she was beautiful. I should just be happy that I got to live six years in BDSM  paradise and be satisfied with solitude. I certainly can't go vanilla (puke puke)... I've been BDSM  for forty years. Lots of girls.. Hell yes... LOTS... And none even a shadow of my lost alpha. How the F is that. I spend decades searching for the perfect slave then she dies on me... WTF...

GEEZ

Money scam after money scam after money scam. Some scammer only ten miles from me in Grover beach, insists that they need at least fifty to eighty dollars sent to them via western union to cover gas money to meet them TWO BLOCKS FROM THEIR HOME... Supposedly they want to be my slave but has sent well over twenty e-mails mentioning only the money. No questions about what I want in a slave or mention of what she likes or hates or anything. Just message after message asking when I'm sending the money. Gee... Fifty or eighty bucks... I wonder if drugs has anything to do with this.

I felt like shell fish tonight so I ate a pound of fresh mussels. Over thirty of them. Maybe I'll go back down to town tomorrow and try the clams...

Yes my home is a total man cave... Any one considering becoming my next slave had better be ready to live with a "real man" and live in a mans home. Being a companion to a man living a mans life.

It has been so long since I have done any serious slave hunting that I forgot how few subs/slaves are real. Money scam after money scam after money scam. Geez. And most of the real humans aren't really submissives. Endless demands. If a relationship starts out with the so called "submissive" laying out the "rules" then it is nothing but a classic vanilla game of lies. M/s and D/s is about truth in a well defined reciprocal dedication. I just saw yet another profile where a so called slave "requires" a strictly monogamous relationship. Any so called "Master" that accepts that bullshit is a desperate loser who does not have the patience and motivation to find a real slave. Another so called slave says that they left their Master because they caught them "cheating"... A "Master" can't "cheat" on a "slave" because a slave CAN NOT ORDER A MASTER TO DO OR NOT DO ANYTHING OR ANY ONE!!!! Anyone who believes that a slave can give orders to a Master is completely clueless about lifestyle BDSM... Any Dominant that submits to their submissive needs to change their profile to switch... Half the problem here is that there are fewer "real" dominants than there are "real" submissives and real submssives are more rare than gemstones...

It seems that facial hair is making a come back. I’m seeing more goatees on kids and full beards on mature men. For a long time it was mostly homeless guys.  Shaving is mostly a dominance/submission ritual enforced in the workplace. Shaving is a mutilation designed to feminize.  Ritually feminized men seeming less threatening.  Mine does get “looks”.  Patriarch going on Gandolf .  

Ah... The harvest is over. The nearly naked girls manicuring away. Funny how the girls are never around till harvest... The soft pink contrasting with the dark green. The cherry blossom of a nipple peeking through the stems and leaves as they snip away at the hanging plants. They know the house rules. Clothes off at the door for girls... But the evening drew to a close and the night neared ending and it was time to part. As they slipped off into the darkness they softly said... see you next year...

Captain Morgan black aint bad...

O.M.G. at least I can still enjoy food. Bison burrito's with feta cheese... Need I say more...

Whew... Mass quantities of cheap rum and pica limon at three in the morning... You almost have to have some mexican to understand...

Moving on... It is not really fair to someone to approach them for a serious relationship right now. The grief is still too fresh. Too sharply burning. But I could sure use a mercy fuck right about now. I've been too used to blowjobs on demand for years damn it!

Oh my loving God why is it so natural to me to help others but so impossible to help myself. I just can't wrap myself around this. I tell others, "get through it, get past it, get over it, get on with it, but this is so beyond my capability. She... The center of my life... She fucking died. She died while I helplessly watched every breath till there were no more breaths. I tried and tried and tried and tried but nothing would save her. I gave up everything. I sold everything. I tried so very very hard but she fucking DIED... I have spent my life as the man every one could count on. The man every one could lean on. The man who would take care of business when no one else could. The proven warrior that that could defeat men with a hard look. But in this I am soooooo fucking alone. Every one I know depends on me and so they are all stepping Waaaaay back and running away as I fall. No one is there to help the fallen champion. No one helps the man who helps everyone. It is horrible to be so strong, so powerful, so capable, that no one will help you when you need help.

Living in the shadow of a dead girl...

Wow...

A hell of a lot to ask of anyone

TOTAL POWER EXCHANGE
OR
REQUIEM FOR AN ANGEL

Who has power over who?…
Who owns who? Said the honest Master to the perfect slave…
You own me completely and with no limits! Said the perfect slave to the honest Master. And she believed it completely and without limits. And from that moment she became the center of his world.
They had talked only a few times when she asked to be his property. When they met she opened herself up to him immediately and without hesitation and within minutes of first setting eyes on her he bound her and began exploring her young, beautiful body and her deliciously exotic and super intelligent mind… She was perfect… And she was his completely and without limits.
So he rejoiced in her and used her, and used her, and used her in all the ways his imagination could devise. And she never, ever, ever, ever failed him or hesitated or even showed one sign of jealousy when he had her help him use other women. He learned what she was, and what she was capable of, beyond all question and so he valued her beyond all measure and cherished her. He showered her with everything he could find that pleased her, but always she was most pleased by pleasing him. He was old and grey bearded and had the look of a hard man and she was young and beautiful. She was perfect but the world is a hard and wicked place and it hates perfection… He knew before she gave herself to him that she needed protection so he protected her. Like all things beautiful and wonderful she was followed by great evil and her destiny was to be destroyed by it. He was an old and proven warrior and he prayed to God for the strength to protect her and God gave him the power to protect and provide for her for years. They were unimaginably wonderful years. He had been a powerful warrior and a great adventurer and while he had enjoyed many things beyond the imaginations of ordinary men he had also endured so much pain, suffering and betrayal that he was weary and bitter and become a hard, hard man. She was like a cool and welcoming pool to a man parched from an unforgiving desert wasteland. And so he dived into her cool waters and drifted in her deliciously all consuming embrace. Drifting in her soft, compelling current into the sort of earthly paradise that men dream of. She completely dedicated herself to caring for him, serving him, pleasuring him and being his constant companion. She maintained his household and one of his special joys was her skill in preparing his food and how she served him during his meals. Hovering there in her delicious nakedness, filling his drink and serving him condiments. She would cook each course separately so that each was served freshly steaming and she would eat simpler food later. They shared fine dining and exotic foods, art, literature, music, entertainment, travel, hard drink and loose women. She LOVED using women and soon became an experienced Alpha slave. Even as she only called her Master, Master her girls only called her Alpha But her favorite girl called her Princess Alpha because of how her Master always spoiled her so … She had been violated as a child and like many women cursed with this she loved dominating other women and found women that needed to be violated and used them in those ways to her great joy. She never grinned so great a grin as when she had some woman writhing in orgasmic bondage. He positively wallowed in the fever hot joys of watching her and using the many women she used by giving them to him to use… She was perfect… Unimaginably perfect… And he owned her completely and without limits.
Alas however, like all things beautiful and wonderful she was followed by great evil and her destiny was to be destroyed by it. After far too few years she suddenly became very, very, very sick. She began having seizures and almost completely lost control of her beautiful body. She had been such a perfect, no limits slave that he was driven to be a no limits Master. He wheeled her around and bathed her and fed her and did everything he could to ease her suffering but she just kept getting worse. She suffered horribly for months and months. He gave up everything to take care of her and be there for her. His possessions and properties meant nothing to him compared to even a few more hours of sitting by her bed watching her breathe. But she begged him to let her die and so he had to let go. He was destroyed. He was a warrior and so he could not give up on life but he was only a hollow fragment, acting out his beliefs and trying to do good things every way he could but he barely felt anything. He did all the things that she would have wanted him to do. He chased and used women but he could not bring himself to love again and no woman ever came close to his perfect slave. He drew himself farther and farther from life an eventually he found a good death and threw himself into it as a good warrior should. As he eagerly passed from life to death his thoughts were only of her. And as he so frantically hoped she was faithfully waiting for him at the end of that great grey tunnel. They rejoined and rejoiced and once again he felt joy. All there was to them was each other and the warm and gentle light of God. So God asks the honest Master, now that you are reunited who owns who. The honest Master replied, saying that he had lived life believing that God spoke and created the world and that living in truth was to live within the word of God. The truth oh lord my God is pure and simple. Even as I owned her body and her mind absolutely and without limits she owns my soul absolutely and without limits. And so God replied, saying There…My beautiful daughter, You see that giving is all powerful. By giving yourself absolutely you gained everything that he is. So God gave the soul of the honest Master to the soul of his perfect slave to do with as she pleased. So she used him as she had always used him. By serving him and pleasuring him in any way she could because it always pleased her best to please him. So God gave them a special corner of heaven where they could glow like a jewel in the firmament and God kept them as one of his most special treasures.
Dedicated to my dear, dead, princess Alpha… 11/28/1986 TO 8/13/2012…Rest in peace and wait for me my eternal love
In grief… oldswordfighter

I am destroyed...

My perfect angel died...

Lost to me till I join her on the other side...

I am destroyed...

I have never felt pain like this. As a lifetime extreme martial artist I have had sooooo many broken bones. I have been shot, stabbed, and set on fire in a hash oil lab explosion. I have lost many loved ones. But nothing ever, ever has torn my heart like this. She got very, very sick and she just got worse and worse for months. Her sweet belly swelled with fluid as her liver failed. Her kidneys failed. Her lungs failed and she died. She suffered horribly. Her hands tied for days at a time to keep her from clawing the respirator out of her throat but it was all that was keeping her alive. Finally she asked me to let her die. With that thing down her throat for weeks she could not talk but she waved bye bye with her tiny weak little hand an nodded at me. I knew what she was saying and she nodded when I asked... So I had to let her go. She had signed over power of attorney to me giving the power of life and death over her. I wanted so very,very much to keep trying and trying. Even just sitting by her bed watching her every breath meant more to me than anything else in life. I would have gladly wheeled her around and changed her diapers for the rest of my life in grattitude of all she had been to me. But it was completely impossible... She had no hope at all. So I had them put her on a thing they call comfort care. They pulled the tubes out of her lungs and stomach. They untied her hands. They gave her massive amounts of adavanz and morphine. They put her in the dying room. They brought in a cart loaded with fruit and cheese and sweet rolls and coffee and juice and ice. I had been living in the hospital hovering over her day after day. just sitting next to her bed watching her breathe. So they knew that I was going no where till it was over. It took a few more days. I played music for her and I could tell she heard it... Annie Lennox, into the west over and over again because the lyrics were perfect... A few hours before she went she woke up... I knew she would wake up and look for me that last time and I moved heaven and earth to be there when she did. Staring at her still beautiful face for hour after hour day after day to be here for her. To make her feel secure in her last moment. So that the last earthy thing she saw was the thing she loved most in life... Me... She looked relieved and smiled. Then she closed her eyes and I knew... A couple hours later her gasping breaths stopped and I pushed the call button. They came in, listened for her heartbeat then asked me when I placed the time of death. I cut a small lock of hair from the back of her head. Then kissed her cold lips goodbye forever. I had to do it but that dead kiss will just not leave my mind. It haunts me every day... It has been several weeks. I got her ashes. We had the wake. I poured her libation. Taking one big drink from a bottle of her favorite vodka then pouring the rest of it over a bunch of red roses and onto the earth. I had taken down our profiles when she got sick but she would want me to keep trying and not just give up on life. But this is hard. I could use a few charity fucks but I am really having a hard time figuring out where I want to go in life. She was the center of my life. All I needed was the basic food/drink/shelter thing and her. Every moment revolved around her. I absolutely owned her beautiful body and her intelligent mind with no limits ever. But before God she owns my soul. Absolutely and without limits. Any woman in my life will have to live in the shadow of a dead girl... And she was sooooooo perfect that she wll be a damn hard act to follow. I sort of feel sorry for any one trying to fill her shoes.

I wrote this maybe a month ago... In the hospital sitting next to her.

I am destroyed...

For the past six years I have been blessed   with the best slave I ever met.  Beautiful.  Intelligent. Completely  compliant.  Never  jealous. And thirty years younger than me.  Perfect in practically every way. I have been with a bunch of girls over the last forty years but this one is sooooooo much better than any of the others.  She has taught me so much about myself.  A man is defined and measured by what he does and has.  She has come to define me more than I could have ever imagined.  We are kind of local celebrities just because she is with me everywhere I go.  Heads always turn because this creepy old man with the long white beard has such a gorgeous girl on his arm. She is always affectionate so there is never any doubt that she loves me.  In the past few months since she got sick people ask about her everywhere I go. At the store, the fast food places, even the gas station.  There is no place I go where they do not ask how she is doing. It amazes me how many lives she has touched.  As I write this she is hovering on the bitter edge of life and death. I am destroyed.  My eyes red from weeping. I sit by her hospital bed as long as visiting hours allow watching the ventilator make her chest rise and fall. When she opens her eyes I hold her hand.  When it looks like she hears me I tell her how much I love her and give her messages of love and hope from her many friends. This struggle has been going on for several months.  As she has been such a perfect slave for me I am struggling to be a no limits no compromise Master for her.  A few months ago she started having seizures.  She had a few as a kid but it went away. So they gave her medication. Well the medicine reacted very badly in combination with alcohol. Attacked her liver and nervous system.  Put her in a wheel chair. So I have had to take complete care of her.  Changing her diapers. Moving her from side to side. Feeding her and putting the straw to her mouth to drink. She was getting a lot better when her doctor gave her three new medications.  Within an hour she was vomiting.  Within three hours she was vomiting blood. What they call coffee grounds. At the emergency room they gave her very little hope of surviving. But after eleven days of struggle she was well enough to go home. By that time her Chihuahua had gone mostly bald. Some Chihuahuas do that when stressed. His hair grew back quickly once she was home.  But it was not to last. Because her liver is severely damaged she leaks a lot of fluid into her abdomen.  Swelling her up horribly till they have to open her up and drain her.  She went in almost a week ago to get this done and the procedure went well.  But within an hour she was septic from one of those hospital infections and her lungs filled up with fluid and she stopped breathing. I administered mouth to mouth till the ambulance arrived.  Again they are saying that she has very little chance to survive.  But even though she is rarely conscious she has been showing tiny improvements day by day.  Every one she knows is praying for her and prayer has power.  I cannot even think of what an empty fragment I will be if I lose her. She is the center of my universe. My reason for living.  It amazes me how such a good and loving submissive can so completely own the very soul of their dominant… As she owns my soul… Sure I am a natural dominant but she holds me in the bondage of love as surely as if I wore chains. So here I sit. By her hospital bed. Tears streaming down my wrinkled old face as I watch the respirator pumping air into her. Making her chest rise and fall. There is nothing I can do other than being here so that she can see me every once in a while when she opens her eyes. Today she even held my hand for a while. I am destroyed.

Whew...

Back home on the central coast...

Oh my loving God

I am a huge fan of Turkish coffee and the Oasis restaurant in San luis obispo has the absolute best I have ever tasted.

Back home again. Back to the land of drunken licentiousness. But the restaurants down there are sooooo much fun. The highlight this time was a cool place called the Alladden cafe. Tacky name but the food and service were the best. We ordered and ate EIGHT PEOPLES WORTH OF FOOD! A bit over a hundred dollars worth. The staph was shocked then impressed. Of course eating with a pair of chopsticks in each hand at the chinese buffet is always fun too. For some reason real Asians are impressed by ambiextrous chopstick ers. As much as we eat I am amazed that we are not fat.

Gluttony is a blast.

History is written by and about dominant males. Submissive males are something very new in human evolution and are abnormal pathetic mutants. Submissive males in the OLD days were put down like diseased animals. For a million years men have been for hunting, fighting and killing each other and women for fucking. Why change now...

Whew... Finally made it back home...

Another couple days and we will be back in SanDiego for thanksgiving. Staying at least a week...

Whew...
OMG OMG OMG
Warning to all dominants out there...
When your subs/slaves/trainees etc. ask how to make FIRE BOMBS...
EXPECT FIRE BOMBS!!!...
Damn... some girls just need tooo much excitement...!...

Joke

Two switches in an S&M relationship.

Equals extra rich vanilla...

Two thirty in the morning snack. Half a dozen strips of thick cut bacon cooked on tin foil in the oven. A couple pre boiled eggs simmered in the bacon grease to brown them up nice. And a french roll to dip in the grease. All served elegantly on a silver platter by my gorgeous girl.

It has been a while since I food blogged here... But this gluttony session has to be recorded. I saw this log of a salmon laying in the fish section cooler. Half a fish a bit over two feet long. And it was cheap. Only fourteen dollars. And I LOVE to gorge myself on salmon. My girl had to cut it in half to get it in the oven. But half was more than it was sane to eat. Slow roasted. Wrapped in tin foil with a half a pound of butter, mass quantities of lemon pepper and sliced lemons. No side dishes. Just more fresh lemon squeezed over it. Major protein rush. Delicious past describing. The tender flakes melting on my tongue and flowing down my throat in a river of tangy joy. I love to gorge myself on salmon.

WOW! I just saw the most amazing thing on TV... A wreck between a car and a motorcycle... The bike driver ended up completely under the car and the car burst into flames big time... So one guy runs up to the wreck and yells out that some one is under the burning car... Another burly guy runs up and tries by himself to lift up the side of the car but can't. So he looks out at the people watching with a "why don't you help" look and tries again. Suddenly SEVENTEEN people run up and PICK UP THE BURNING CAR while a construction worker in an orange vest crawled under and pulled the guy out.... The closest to the burning end of the car was a collage girl in shorts. There was a woman dressed like a banker too. I think five or six women jumped in. Some construction workers from a nearby site. And a bunch of collage students at a bus stop... It took maybe six or seven seconds... Proves that people really can be good... Seventeen total strangers risking their lives WITHOUT HESITATION for some one in trouble... Fucking WOW...

Phone sex ads, web cam ads, drug ads, financial domme ads. Slaves for ''rent'' Hell. Are there any real people left here any more or is it all just money scams now? Just whores and drug dealers. A lot like my neighborhood...

Major score...AN ANTIQUE FULL BENT MALACCA CANE!!! Pre 1900. Possibly an actual civil war vintage piece. It was considered abusive to beat slaves with a wood cane so southern gentlemen carried malacca/rattan  canes.  Called "the king of canes" at the time.  This is a major find. Full length with no knots or seams. What they call "full bark". Natural taper. Recurved hook which they have not made since the mid/late 1800s. More like a question mark than a fishhook. Real rubber tip. These are sooooo rare... Worth hundreds. I found it for three bucks at a thrift store...

Who would have guessed. Tilapia wrapped in bacon is DELICIOUS...

Lean meat is insane for two reasons...

(1) Lean meat is animal abuse. They bulk up the meat with course unsatisfying foods then before slaughter they STARVE THE COWS... They die hungry.

(2) Simple chemistry. YOU DO NOT GET FAT BY EATING FAT...That is an urban myth perpetuated by a medical conspiracy. Fat burns as pure fuel. A woman walked to the south pole EATING NOTHING BUT OLIVE OIL... So lean meat is tough rubbery tasteless and pointless...

Simple cure for lean meat... Stuff it with bacon!

Sunrise buffet on convoy in Kearny mesa/San Diego. Sooooooooo much good food.

First plate

Plate covered by a two inch layer of steamed salmon and poached sea bass. Heaped with fried fish, breaded frog legs, and dragon rolls. Covered by half a dozen spicy steamed and chilled octopusses

Second plate.

Apocalypse now shrimp, coconut shrimp , stuffed shrimp rolls. Fried shrimp. Salad shrimp, coctail shrimp, Breaded calimari. emperor crab legs, lobster claws, Heaping plate...

Third plate

Huge oyster covered in green onion and spices, hoi sin clams, (at least a dozen), Stuffed mussles, eight or ten stuffed scallops on clam shells. Crab cakes, Again a heaping plate .

Fourth plate.

Duck, prime rib, Barbequed pork, mongolian beef, kung pow chicken, General cho's chicken, orange chicken, bok choy, string beans, mixed vegetables, Pork rolls, pork leek pot stickers, Two ribs A couple chicken legs.

Fifth plate

More stuffed scallops, Kim chi, Sea weed salad, Brocalli string salad. Hot brocalli string salad, Tomato peppers, cole slaw, Pickled vegetables of three kinds, Marinated cucumber and tomato's. Red beans, chick peas, peas, spinach, red onion, Onion salad, All covered in ranch dressing

Sixth plate.

Orange quarters. Watermellon wedges, Cantelope, papaya, Some kind of creamed fruit salad,

Total

Fifty seven courses...

I think I'm practicing for an eating contest.

P.S.

I got two pairs of chopsticks so I could eat with both hands...

Dinner tonight was exceptional in a rather different way.The two heaping plates of food were expertly prepared and delicious as usual. But today I chose to dine in the garden watching my gorgeous girl watering as the evening sun played out. The raised bed garden my ranch hand built for my alpha to play in is doing very well as the black zuccini blooms and the tomato grows huge. The basil and cilantro and parsley thriving and the peppers showing promising signs. But the real visual treasure is her nearly naked form flitting through the pot plants in my little plantation. (LICENSED MEDICAL) Her rosy pinkness a delicious contrast to the dark green jungle she carefully weaves her way through... The three to five foot youngsters framing and embracing her delicate lovelyness as she oh so carefully pours each portion from her watering can . And I lift up my eyes to God in gratitude for allowing and helping me to have sooooooooo much fun in an otherwise dreary and depressing planet.

You never know you have had enough till you have had too much...

So I'm going to eat too much, drink and smoke more than I should, stay up too late, sleep too late too, (With a girl way too young for me) then drive too fast to get where we're going, spend too much money when we get there, and have waaaaaay too much fun the whole time...

Works for me...

Foods not to eat and why...

Yeast... OMG... What is every one thinking?!?!?!... This is the over the top strangest food of all... OK... Let me get this straight. There are these little animals. They look sort of like fat water centipedes with no shells. Like slugs with a fringe of leg/paddles. These little animals live, eat, pee, poo, breath, and have babies. They are barely too small to see and we call them yeasts. Sooooo We take a jug of water, Crumble some bread in it. Wait and what happens. Wild yeasts dive in and thrive...It gets foamy. The little buggers down there breathing. Silt settles as they poo. But their pee mixes with the liquid. So what do we do. We call it beer and pour the liquid off the silt and drink it. Hmmm... Or we can use a still on it. But just what the still do... IT SEPARATES AND PURIFIES THE LIQUID WASTE OF THE YEAST ANIMAL FROM THE WATER AND IMPURITIES... Yes drinking alcohol is indeed the urine of a small animal... Yeast makes bread rise from their nasty little breaths and farts. Yes lots of methane here too. Yeast feces are used to make all cheese, all yogurt, all keifer, and all cambucha... Hmmmmm I don't know... It just seems sick and wrong...

On the other hand... If the pure urine of the yeast animal is 200 proof liquor then...well... I want a forty pound yeast trained to lift its leg over a bucket... Please...

Parsley, properly used, Adds a lot to any meal. The reason parsley is included in most quality meal is to cleanse  the pallet between each course. Particularly useful between heavy meat dishes and light flavored vegetable dishes. Though it seldom gets credited but it can define the eating experience. And all it takes is the tiniest bite between courses.

Whatever evils beset you, get through it, get past it, get over it, get on with it...

Geez...What do I think this is?... A food blog?

The juicy thin cut steak spread out over most of the plate. Its marbled deliciousness dripping gloriously greasy juice. On top of the beefsteak was lovingly laid a somewhat smaller, somewhat thicker pork steak. Equally glorious in its juicy succulence. Eaten carefully so that each mouthful savors a bit of both. Sort of like enjoying two women at once. And the side dish served fresh and hot afterwards. A nicely baked potato bathed in butter And garnished with fresh chives plucked less than a minute before being served. Now that is fresh!

I just weighed myself.

181 at five eleven.

Paleo diet rules.

All you can eat all the time.

Meat meat and more meat. Especially fatty juicy meat. Add fruit, roots, bulbs, shoots, and greens, Avoid or limit anything neolithic or later.. IE grain and  milk products mostly. Except for bathing everything in butter which is unavoidable.

Absolutely the best way to be woken up from an after dinner nap is to be leaped on by a horny girl...

Being fed course by course is so much more satisfying than just eating. My lovely girl hovering close by while I eat my platter of flesh while the corn is still cooking. She is so good at timing these things. It takes a while to eat that much meat so the cobs are steaming when I am ready for them, I love to come away from a meal feeling painfully bloated.

Doctors are ALL  such liars. If the doctors were right I would be six hundred pounds and dead... 

Midnight snack... Pork steak fried extra greasy in bacon grease. Chilled. Sliced in thin slices then dipped in green onion and sour cream dip mix... Everything they tell you about getting fat is EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE OF THE TRUTH. Eating lots of fat makes you LOSE WEIGHT... Eating lots of pasta bread, and vegetables is completely unnatural to the human meat eating animal. Eating a low fat, high starch vegetarian diet WILL KILL YOU. IT WILL KILL YOUR CHILDREN... Hell I eat HUGE  quantities of meat and grease and I can't gain weight for nuthin... The funny thing is if you do what the doctors tell you will lose weight you will end up fat. If you do the exact opposite you will lose weight. Pretty much the same across the board. Doctors are ALL lying scamming rich greedy con artists. American medicine is the laughing stock of the world and the American public the most medically ignorant people on the planet... If you are a doctor reading this just remember your medical ethics class and shudder knowing that there is a God and you are going to hell...

Ate the first food from our new raised bed garden today. A garnish of basil and parsley and some chives. Alpha is having a lot of fun gardening.

RESCUE SLAVES...

Here is a point of view many folks in the lifestyle may not have considered.

There are a lot of losers out there.Losers in the game of life. Nowadays there is not much in the way of opportunities or hope so a lot of kids these days go down in flames and go nowhere in life. Natural submissives especially do not have the competitive drive necessary to function in this country. So pretty much right now all the actual, natural submissives both male and female are being destroyed at a young age. Ending up homeless or drug addicts or prostitutes. Early on they fail at school and the micromanagement they need prevents them from holding jobs. But the very qualities that make them fail in life make them prime candidates for a productively useful no limits slave. And they can actually enjoy and be fulfilled by it... So the next time you see a creepy old man cruising after younger women deliberately seeking easily manipulated victim types look again... What if they are trying to save them from the very life failure that makes them victims. Are they better off under a bridge sucking cock for drugs or performing lewd acts for a creepy old man or woman that keeps them warm and safe and well fed and even entertained. A LOT of people that are not naturally submissive have no clue what that state of mind is...Assuming that every one is like them with drives and ambitions. So those who only want to serve are discarded by this sick society like trash. And they generally are destroyed early if they are not "placed" in the hands of a dominant that gives then adequate direction to survive. So if any Dominant who cares to be "responsible" reads this I challenge you to find some young loser on the edge of homelessness and save their ass by turning them into your prized possession... If you don't reach out and grab them some one else will...

One of the biggest issues with rescuing submissives is self hatred. .. Whew... Right now one of the girls I am mentoring is helping me to understand another. Like most rescued girls they both have deep self hatred issues. So they have a very hard problem accepting love... They would rather be hated because they understand hatred. Being loved scares them. Sometimes actual panic attack type scared. Nightmare scared. So they test that love regularly and crave punishment as part of affection. And being forgiving of them, can be interpreted by them as uncaring neglect... However on the flip side... With responsible mentorship this type of disability can be managed and the subject end up in a situation where they are comfortable, fulfilled, and ultimately their general life path improved.

The trouble with bacon is those little itty bitty packages. But if you go all the way to the end of the bacon section you can find three to five pound chunks of sliced joy. Tonight I am having my girl cook me three pounds. Not three or four slices... At least forty or fifty slices.

Oh my God... A heaping platterfull...

Bwahahaha...

Oh yeah the artichoke dipped in a mayonnaise lemon sauce is pretty cool too.

As always served lovingly by my beautiful dedicated girl. She'll eat later...

There used to be a law in ancient Rome. This law was very, very simple. It was very sexist so be warned.

This law stated that ALL adult men were completely responsible for absolutely everything they could perceive and could influence. And the standards of what you could and could not influence were very very tight. You were expected to die if it was the responsible thing to do. There are no days off. No sick time. No excuses ever... Completely responsible for EVERYTHING...

Lets turn this around a bit and put forth the suggestion that Women should conduct themselves like that too.

Imagine a world where absolutely every one stepped up the responsibility of the world around them. Imagine a world with no poor because the rich act responsibly. Imagine a world where every one had some one to turn to every time. And all that would take is one simple rule. Every one is "responsible" for every one and every thing. No days off no excuses...

Imagine that...

The high price of dominance...

I am, at the very core of my being, a natural dominant. Driven to be responsible and ready o step up to the plate and take care of business not only for myself but for anyone that needs... This permeates my entire life.I live in a very poor, racially mixed neighborhood. Mostly hispanic. In this neighborhood they call me "uncle Charly" For those of you familiar with the hispanic culture this is a very respectful title. When people have problems or they need to know something or how to do this or fix that they come to me. I even arbitrate like a judge sometimes. Well yesterday some one came to me with a problem. I was handed a chihuahua with a broken back. I stepped up and was ready to care for a dog on wheels and held the poor little thing all night till the vet opened. But the nerves to her internal organs were severed and her organs beginning to fail and swell up. So I had to make the decision to put her down... This has been killing me. I totally put my heart and soul into responsibilities like this.  I will never hesitate to step up and take responsibility or make the decisions. I will never ever turn my back on "need". But no matter how hard I try sometimes there is just no hope. No possible course of action. And no matter how many dollars and hours and tears you invest it is just not going to turn out alright. And that is a mind numbingly high price to pay for being what I am and doing what I have to do...

Oh my loving God. I am soooooooo lucky. Here it is.... Sun up already. Should sleep. But my totally cool, hot, young, girl keeps entertaining me. Sending me links to a wedding cake made of meat through a strange odyssy to JAZZ HORSE VRS BIKER BEAR.... WTF... She is sitting right here and entertaining me on the interweb. I think I'll sign off and...well...use your imaginations...HEHEHE...

Once upon a time there was this badass monkey... Well it was more than a monkey but it sure wasn't human yet. And it made a decision that created the human race. It was hungry and it wanted meat and a lot of it. The whole early history of the human species is defined and driven by the hunters of megafauna. To simplify this lets just say woolly mammoths. Now remember these wooly's are a lot bigger than modern elephants and the Australopithecus making this decision a lot smaller than you. We know they hunted in groups. We know the used spears. But look at the way ekephants were hunted before the gun.If you carefully research the history of the Ituri pigmy you will find that for centuries the way to kill elephants was to hire a pigmy. Often a single one. They would simply sneak up under the elephant with a long spear and stab it in the heart and leap out of the way... Beast runs away and dies slowly... This could be done by an Australopithecus with a bad attitude. Everything begins some where. It starts with desire. But some some where one of these ubermonkeys had to decide... They had to decide "I am going to go out there with my spear and kill that elephant over there... There was desire... The ubermonkeys hopped up and down in the rocks watching all that meat rumbling by... Probably barely surviving by eating its dung. They wanted it. They had to have hoped and wished and lived in the shadow of all these mountains of moving meat for a long time till that first ubermonkey picked up its spear with deadly intent and honestly tried to kill an animal the size of a mountain. All the modern depictions show a bunch of ubermonkeys attacking a wooly. But in practice with elephants that is suicide... Thats not how they did it a few hundred years ago so thats not how they did it a few million years ago. No... It was one mean little rock hopping monkey thing with a taste of blood, a knowledge of anatomy, a wild imagination, and a hell of a badass attitude... Because that is how you kill an elephant with a spear... Those rock hoppers didn't say lets all run down and kill us an elephant. If they did that they would be extinct. Nope... Badass ubermonkey said Watch me go kill this woolly mammoth then started crawling in the reindeer moss with his spear. Of course the whole tribe would have to follow it till it died. The pigmy spear was steel with a huge blade. A stone tipped spear to the heart would have taken longer. That is why folsome points are so big. Trying to lacerate the heart of an animal with a heart the size of a small pig... And I bet this bad boy was popular. So killing woolys became popular. When they ran out of woolys on the other continents they followed then to their last refuges in the Americas and on a few islands and they ate them all. Now how does this fit on a BDSM journal... Simple... First of all this is also my mini-food blog and the thought of all that meat has my head spinning... But the inevitable logistics of this big chunk of human evolution lead to some interesting speculation on the nature of human relationships and why male dominance in a poly family sort of overwhelms history . Sooooo... One extremely badass ubermonkey feeds a whole bunch of ubermonkeys at once. Badass ubermonkey probably gets very little lip and whatever/whoever they want. So every one wants to be a badass ubermonkey... Hmmmmm... Well two factors enter here. Breeding and attrition. The girl ubermonkeys were pretty much mostly pregnant like like all the other animals. Logically they were mostly more interested in eating woolly's than crawling under live ones with a spear. So it was the boy ubermonkeys competing for badass status...Oops...Most of the hot young ubermonkeyboys filled with testosterone and fantasies of mounting all the girls in the tribe, ended up pounded mush between megafauna toes... So after a few hundred thousand years of this how do the demographics flow. The competition ensures that the girls are always very well fed and reproducing at optimal rate. It does however substantially reduce the number of males and cripples or mutilates whatever survivors are left. Late in this evolutionary game the neanderthall remains show a huge number of broken bones and twist amputations among male neanderthall remains. Because one hunter could supply food for the tribe for a year the tribe could keep alive members with horrible mutilations. So the young males go out and compete to see who gets killed first. All of them got killed sooner or later or ended up too crippled to hunt. So fior a moment we digress back to the Australopithecus. Now at the end of their part in the play they were probably the ones that started hunting woolys. But for most of their very long history they spent much of their time and focus on mating contracts by combat. Just like many mammals. Deer, goats, sheep, cattle, lions and chimps. The list could go on endlessly. Calousites and healed injuries suggest that for the various branches of the Australopithecus's tree combat with clubs was not only common but for some individuals constant. Like the bull sea elephants roaring and tearing ragged chunks out of each other on a beach. The early ubermonkeys spent their time with the girls watching the boys killing each other and breeding with the survivors. But with the coming of the mammoth eaters assymetrical injurys and bone calousites disappear. Sure one badass ubermonkey could beat another ubermonkey to death. Sure it was entertaining and made the girl ubermonkeys things wet. But it took a really, really badass ubermonkey to kill an elephant. And it also fed them and their families. So in a way the introduction of the ultra badass gene into our species created a situation where the competition for breeding contracts changed from face to face murders to competition for who provides the most to the most ubermonkeys. Its kind of hard to say but somewhere in about there is where we come along so it might be said that women choosing providers over murderers changed the species forever... And  laid the inevitable foundation of the male dominated poly family. Back in the day our ancestors had a much higher sexual dimorphism proportion. The boys being much bigger than the girls. But as we evolved the boys got smaller and narrower and the girls got bigger and broader. Becoming today virtually androgynous in comparison. So male like behavior in females and female like behavior in males becomes inevitable. But the good old fashioned way goes back to...well... even before humans. And it all comes down to one experienced, proven, badass male providing meat and mayhem to feed and entertain a flock of eager, hungry, submissive girls... Still works for me... Where's my spear I'm hungry...

Perspective...

My great grandmother was raised wearing deerskin and eating lizards. (Yaqui from Sonora) Her father ate his fathers heart... At a very young age she married an established older blacksmith and spent most of her life wearing a corset and layers of lace petty coats. (And getting quite a reputation for beating servants) Her son worked on the railroad and bragged to his grandchildren about cutting a mans throat for stealing from him... And nowadays...Well... Oh well... How can this wimpy ass, anal retentative, police state, hope to produce anything but maggots feeding on the rotting carcass of the good old days...

Almost four in the afternoon. Just getting up... Funny... Almost every day we party all night long and sleep most of the day. We're like vampires. We see the light coming in through the crack under the door so we know its time to crawl into bed. Yay memory foam... All the windows are boarded up or covered with bookshelves so its nice and dark inside... It is not real convenient being a night creature though. This podunk town shuts down at nine at night.

Funny... Sooner or later everything on line evolves into a food blog...

The biggest problem with pot belly pigs is itty bitty bacon...

So here I sit. Gnawing ribs for my three in the morning meat fix. Savoring the bite of cheap vodka followed by an orange crush on ice chaser. And contemplating the culinary plans for the morrow. Pork steaks even now marinating in a nice red rub in a gallon jar on ice. That should be good after 24 hours...

Again singing the praises of the pig...

Eating pure meat is like sucking on natures tits...

A quote from my totally precious girl... Now she is ranting on BACON... Talking about the runs after eating way too much of it as penance... I am soooooooooo in love...

SEX AMONG FLATWORMS

A loooooong looooong time ago the lowly flatworm happened and we are all descended from them. They gave two things to the animal kingdom... First of all they gave us all bilateral symmetry... Like we are two halves mirror imaging each other. That started with the flatworm. The other thing they gifted us with is sex. Yes Virginia the flat worm probably invented sexual reproduction. However... Flatworm sex is rather different. Imagine lethal submission wrestling. All flatworms have a penis/spine. They meet and fight and the winner stabs the loser with their penis/spine. The loser then basically comes apart in chunks and each chunk grows into a flat worm that is a cross between the pair of flat worm DNA sets. The loser dies and becomes a big litter of babies. The winner goes on to stab someone else ad infinitum... So it is no wonder, A few million years later, that there is still a natural tendency to evolve around the power in the possession of the one with the penis. And a natural submission in that part of the species that has to give up part of themselves as a sacrifice to the species. So remember girls... When that guy thinks of his thing like it is a weapon. A few million years ago that is exactly what it was...

I confess... Yes I believe in natural male domination. Yes, I confess,  I believe female dominants are unnatural and creepy. Especially when most of them seem to see BDSM as a business for profit. I can be friendly with them and social but deep inside I agree with the traditional view. Lets look at it this time from a religious perspective. History is clearly in overwhelming favor of male dominated families so lets just deal with modern religions. All the monotheists agree. And between the Jews Christians and the Muslims that is a vast majority. All of their traditional literature supports a male dominated family. All three have required or still require women to be veiled. Yes Virginia Christian women used to have to wear veils too... The Hindu Families I know are VERY male dominated. And the Buddhist monastic system has always maintained the strictest segregation and reserves all the highest levels and honors for males. Of course their are a slew of Wicca based High priestess based groups... And of course you have to look at the history of that. Wicca was basically a recreation of the "old" religion of rural England. Which involved A MALE  Witch personifying the horned God who kept a HAREM  of twelve or thirteen women who had sex with him to gain power... The power flowing from the God, through the Male into the female through magical sex. The re-creation of this by Gerald Gardner is well documented and his original version was, as is traditional, male dominated. But a woman calling herself LADY SHEBA took one of the Gardnerian hand written book of shadows and rewrote it as female dominated. But she published her version which of course WAS COMPLETELY FORBIDDEN IN THE FIRST PLACE. So the only versions you can find in the book stores are the completely incorrect shebite versions. Totally funny... These high priestesses all need to experience the ORIGINAL Cuernenose and Habondia ritual... Ritual BDSM  that goes back to the stone age.... Nowadays the priest and priestess dance around with whips and shit but geez... In the old days the priestess was brought into the circle bound hand and foot then whipped and sodomized till she hallucinated... Right to the point and functional. And of course... Male dominated.

Oh no...

Discovered Denny's baconallia... We each ordered two complete meals. I gobbled mine down. At three in the morning She is still nibbling at her take home box of bacon flapjacks etc... Bacon rules!

OH MY GOD...

The pig...

The pig...

The wonderful pig...

Animal of mystery.

Animal of legend.

This animal is sooooooo tasty that it is forbidden by several religions and I know why...

All the religions that share a fear of eating pigs share a myth that sometime long ago a witch turned men into pigs. From the odyssey to the mabinogion.  Everyone agrees. Pigs are really people. That's why they TASTE SOOOOOO GOOD.... They are the only animal to share blood and tissue types with humans... So DUH... The legends are true!... The most ideal food for humans is pig flesh because it is really human flesh. Nutritionally everything we need... Bacon...Carnitas... Porkchops, Ham, Ribs, Chicharonies, Pickled pigs feet, AND LARD...

I am on this rant because I said I was hungry and needed protein and two delicious porkchops appeared before me served on a jet black platter and garnished with fresh lemons by a gorgeous girl... Enough to send someone over the edge...

Oh my loving God... Hungry at three thirty in the morning and I say I want a fried pork chop and a sliced lemon... three forty something and I am being served exactly that by a gorgeous girl with a smile on her face... How lucky can a  man get.

Back on home turf for a while.

Headed back down to San Diego again. A bit more ambitious this time...

Credit where credit is due. There are a LOT of genuine lifestyle Dommes out there with no mention of money or tribute on their profile.

The reason I get soooo riled up over the tribute demanding posers is that they totally insult the basic principle of responsible ownership of ANY animal. Horse or human. A responsible owner is "responsible" for the health, well being and HAPPINESS of their animal. I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT COMPROMISE IN THIS!... Every soul that gives its heart to me whether chick or chihuahua is going to have its life enriched by that act. Sure I have used my girls. Sexually and in service in many ways. My rescued horses ended up in parades performing airs above ground... Equally used. They all are fulfilled by that and not diminished by it. When I take responsibility for a living being it becomes my absolute RESPONSIBILITY to ensure that their life is made better for it. I will take on animals and girls who need a lot of work. And put them on the path that fits them and fulfills them. And in return my horses, dogs, and girls will do absolutely anything for me. Out of love not fear. Any true lifestyler is and must be motivated at least as strongly to nurture and enlighten as to use. To do sessions for tribute completely cheapens the true glory of ownership and can only disgust true lifestylers. Funny...  I guess my mindset is a lot like how a housewife sees a whore... LOL...

There is real lifestyle BDSM... Then there is fantasy prostitution BDSM

Any one of any sex or orientation asking money for bdsm services IS A FAKE.... If you believe BDSM prostitutes are actually part of the BDSM lifestyle then you must believe that furries are real animals... Sure they exist. But they are only people PRETENDING  to be animals or Dommes... (subs too now... I said either sex but I do want to point out that it is easy to find hundreds of girls asking for money for "services" here but I can't find a single guy doing it... Hmmm What does that tell us folks!)

Back home again...Whew... What a marathon. No wonder I am just about unkillable...(been shot, stabbed, set on fire, fallen off cliffs and tall buildings, Been trampled, dragged and kicked in the head by horses, and survived the flesh eating disease...) It must be genetic. My 95 year old grandmother has more energy than either of us do in spite of recently surviving cancer.... Like a timex she takes a licking and keeps on ticking. You should see the old girl taking on a casino. And while I'm down there I had to dig holes, transplant bushes and trees, trim her trees and shrubs and rewire her bedroom. All stuff my ranch hand does at home... Maybe next time I'll just send my girl and my ranch hand down and stay at home and relax...

OMG more food orgasms. A huge two inch thick fatty potroast three quarters the size of the plate... Big pile of oven roasted asparagus drenched in butter and garlic... I'm amazed I'm not grossly obese. Hell I'm barely plump. Must be all these girls are sweating it off me.

Here we go again...

Back down to San Diego for another week taking care of my 95 year old grandmother... Traveling down monday night. I drive down there in the middle of the night to avoid that L.A traffic... At three in the morning we just fly through the place... And we usually stay up all night partying any way. Rarely sleeping before dawn most days. Of course we usually sleep till afternoon too... We are sooooooo bad... So we end up staying up all night bored watching cable TV down there bored to tears. My poor  girl stifled by having to wear clothes when she is used to being naked most of the time. We go down there all the time so you would think we could find some one down there for some middle of the night  wildness...Big sigh... I am waaaaay too spoiled... I just have to keep reminding myself that most guys would die for a life like mine.

If there are any other watchman movie fans with the ultimate cut... Say "BLOATED FLOATER BOAT" ten times real fast...

We are such movie geeks... We have hundreds and hundreds of DVD's and tapes.  Mountains of them... We trade movie quotes all the time. Nothing beats a good movie sometimes.

More historical perspective but this time the big picture.

What is an "average" "normal" male/female familial relationship for human animals overall past and present. Historically the overwhelming majority of families have been comprised of one dominant male with several subordinate females. I stress the fact that female dominated and monogamist relationships are now and have always been the exception rather than the rule. Right now for the first time in history there is one majority religion. Most of the people alive today are Muslim. Simple statistics. So most of the people on planet earth right now accept male dominated polygamy. Of those who are not Muslim There are still a number of religions and cultures (My own native American roots for example) that accept male dominated poly. The flagship of monogamy is christianity and there are even christian sects that accept male dominated poly. Besides orthodox mormonism there are several christian sects in Africa that accept male dominated poly and there are several womens rights groups protesting laws against poly in some christian dominated countries in Africa for the simple reason that in many parts of Africa one woman alone simply cannot maintain a family. To successfully raise children in a primitive environment requires that several women share tasks such as food preparation, hauling water and gathering firewood while someone babysits. The dominant male providing the majority of the food and goods. Four being the traditional minimum number of wives for a smoothly running household. This simple logic still drives the family structure in a lot of south America too. So today and throughout human history monogamy has been a deviant aberration and unnatural to the species. The natural human relationship, is now and always has been, a dominant male with a harem... So for all of those so called submissives who require their so called dominant to be monogamous with them... Its too late... Always has been... Always will be... Too late... (Dr. Manhatten... Watchmen)

Maybe I'll turn this into a food blog...

A huge pile of fried potato's,onions, garlic and bacon fried in bacon grease and smothered in butter piled on a big porkchop. A pile of oven roasted asparagus on the side. All served by a gorgeous girl hovering over me filling my drink as I eat. She eats later. And usually something simpler.

OMG BACON ORGASMS... Picture a BLT with the bacon piled on three inches thick... I am sooooo lucky to have such a consistently good cook!!!

For a bit of historical perspective, Nowadays an older man with a younger girl is called a cradle robber and a user and disrespected for it. The girl is called a victim. That is the perspective of society now. In my grandmothers day a young girl with an older man was called a gold digger and a user and in fact my grandmother, during the depression at age sixteen, moved in with a sixty year old man who bought her new clothes and fed her well. She was disrespected for it and called a user. The old guy was generally called lucky... However in my grandmothers grandfathers time, another one of my ancestors, James Mason who helped write the declaration of independence, at age thirty eight married a sixteen year old who bore him a bunch of kids and managed his estate profitably after he died. Back then older men with younger women was normal and nobody gave it a second thought. So it it all just a matter of perspective. The most important thing of all is for each of us to be true to our own wants and needs as long as we make our partners lives better and not harm any one.

P.S. my 74 year old mother on the other side also has a boyfriend younger that me so I guess it runs in the family.

There is a really sick idea that seems to have taken over the BDSM community. That somehow a "real" dominant does not want or need a "natural submissive". That a "real" dominant has to take an unwilling or semi unwilling subject and break them to submission... This is really sick. I just got told off by an older fem-sub for not being a "real" dominant because I have younger subs that are naturally submissive and more easily molded. They made the point that a "real Dom" wants an older woman because they are more of a challenge... Hey folks... Get real... Breaking an unwilling human to sexual service is rape not BDSM... Any one who needs to "break" an unwilling subject to something not natural to them is a rapist and a real sicko. The beautiful balance between a natural submissive and a natural dominant just being who and what they are is a God given blessing and any one who thinks less of a Dom for it is just plain nuts... Of course they blocked me but I hope this sicko reads this... I mean whew... You can be a Dom without being a rapist... Honest...

Whew... Back home for only a few days and already  exhausted from the welcoming committee. Hehehe...  I guess we never score down in S.D because we can't host...

Well its back down to San Diego

Life is good. It is amazing how much fun you can have if you are stubborn about it. If you prefer a dominant that is all grim and mean all the time pass me by. I'm all about the most fun possible all  the time. 

We have been seeing a really cool nineteen year old girl from this site. She is not really ready for this sort of life/relationship but we are having a LOT of fun with her. Sort of mentoring her with benefits. The funny thing is that her last major relationship (her first I believe) was with a guy even older than me. He also owned more than one girl in their teens and twenties. So there is a message here. For you young girls it is OK that many of you are turned on by older men with experience, property, stability and all those other perks. There are more of you out there than you think. A lot actually but they tend to keep it to themselves. Sure there are a lot of great guys in their twenties/thirties that will grow into competent mentor types. But it is hard to be responsible for some one elses life and knowledgeable of their needs when you are busy exploring yourself. BTW any one that does not care about or take care of their submissives needs is only an abuser posing to get easy pussy... The other lesson here is for all us old guys. There are lots and lots of legal teen and twenty something girls that not only don't hate old guys they feel complimented that some one who is some one shows an interest in them. Self image however is everything. If you feel self concious approaching that cute young girl that caught your eye then its too late already. So I am back to my meal. I'm writing this as I eat. A HUGE platter of thin cut steak dredged in corn starch and deep fried in bacon grease. And baked potatos garnished with fresh raw green onions and fresh roasted garlic. (again in bacon grease... Don't get me started on bacon) My gorgeous 23 year old  girl is sitting in front of me wearing nothing but her laptop. Waiting to hand me condiments and top off my drink. She eats later. She has lost like forty pounds since her last profile picture so I guess I need to take some new ones... Hmmmmm It's a drinking night. Life is good and I am so in love I could burst.