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last night this girl had one major asthma attack first one in a few years it was such a sudden thing it was 2am and i had been sleepong suddenly I could not breathe at all i was on the floor near my bed struggling to draw just one breathe i had medication but could not get it inside me I was sick and could not get off the floor..
suddenly I managed to breathe today my chest is extreemly painful and I am struggling to do things I saw the GP he gave me steriods I hate this they put weight on me and I have just lost some my jeans are now very much too big too long on these and i will go back fat ..
i do wish that when i was a student I rented a undamp house that is how i ended up with asthma when at university renting cheap and nasty accomadation ..in a run down area
Master was nice he said to rest up talked about duty of care with me how nice
he said he wanted me there with him so he could look after me ..
before I knew much about slavery i would see this as odd but not now |
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Since the last time girl was here she has contiued speaking to a Master whom she respects..
girl tried hard not to want him, and not to desire him. because of distance however she found this increasingly hard to do and did not really understand why at first he agreed distance was an issue and would be so girl decided aww well cant have so resigned herself tot simply being friend with this Master..
then one day she was having a bad day and he was there so supportive and caring. her feelings could not be stemmed but she argued her corner that distance was an issue and tried to argue herself out of asking him what she really wanted to ask him but felt was cruel to him as well as her and would take some sorting out..
time being on thier side of course but he wangled it so that girl was pushed into answering and then had no choice but to say what she was worried about in the end he told her to do it ask properly
so girl begged his permission to alter the arrangement to something more than they had at the time he said yes
and then told her he wanted this as well and was waiting for her to ask there were reasons she did not before because either he had a slave or she was owned so they simplky remained friends but when in the same week both had split then it seemed only natural to admit what each wanted
from the other
so the girl is owned but not yet collared |
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went hospital and told i was overweight so surgery will not be done till i loose 56lbs in weight i am size 16/18 in clothing right now if i loose all this i will be a stick insect and not look good at all that will make me thinner than i was as a 15 years old adolesent before having four kids or asthma for which i need to take steriods daily so i can breathe ..
in our paper it said lots of people if the bmi is over 30 are being told no surgey no matter how ill they are if its not life threatening they are removed from waiting lists and tolod like me get the weight off or no surgery its disgusting i need my jaw rebuilding after having a lump removed from it a fall or bang on the right side of my face will break my jaw and fracture it right now its a new policy put out by the government here to save money and cut waiting lists |
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aawww well things change every day doms come and go pretty fast one finds some way too shallow for my needs talked with another slave today and she said its hard when seeking an owner to make sure they are right for you this girl has come to know this and has learnt much on this journey so far was suprised how much really feel good today my instincts are good and getting more pronounced each day |
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spoke witha few interesting contacts today made a changlke from the famine i had gone through hopefully one path may lead to a Master from the few windows open right now am reading the gor books again and speaking with some kajira which does help pity one is in germany another cananda so no real time goreans near here to speak with right now girl is on a group and posts there but its not a gorean group its TPE different one knows but its ok there as long as one understands the principles behind the way that Master is due respect and slaves are property much like Gor in some ways one thinks
might get to read a gorean Masters journal wonders what one can learn from that about the way this Masters thoughts run nice of him though
might take a wander into the chat room again will have to add that coffe cuop software to lapa top land thoughts of scrapping this blog and using it for deeper stuff but i guess its a place a girl can write ones thoughts and practice things learnt so far
had a practice of an on line serve today it was ok it past muster but girl can dop way better than that just like girls entrance stuff loves the fact gor rooms ask for all this stuff makes one learn this one uses online to hone skills is all for now anyway to check out of it works and see if she has learnt certain things
even though unowned a slave can hone skills so that when Master comes along who desires to own one the girl can say this girl was not idle whenunowned but learnt etc
that shows the Master girl is perpared for work on ones slavery to hone it to good shape hence making a masters life better
serving is what this girl throves upon and to feel that ownership is something girl misses sorely bad |
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spoke witha few interesting contacts today made a changlke from the famine i had gone through hopefully one path may lead to a Master from the few windows open right now am reading the gor books again and speaking with some kajira which does help pity one is in germany another cananda so no real time goreans near here to speak with right now girl is on a group and posts there but its not a gorean group its TPE different one knows but its ok there as long as one understands the principles behind the way that Master is due respect and slaves are property much like Gor in some ways one thinks
might get to read a gorean Masters journal wonders what one can learn from that about the way this Masters thoughts run nice of him though
might take a wander into the chat room again will have to add that coffe cuop software to lapa top land thoughts of scrapping this blog and using it for deeper stuff but i guess its a place a girl can write ones thoughts and practice things learnt so far
had a practice of an on line serve today it was ok it past muster but girl can dop way better than that just like girls entrance stuff loves the fact gor rooms ask for all this stuff makes one learn this one uses online to hone skills is all for now anyway to check out of it works and see if she has learnt certain things
even though unowned a slave can hone skills so that when Master comes along who desires to own one the girl can say this girl was not idle whenunowned but learnt etc
that shows the Master girl is perpared for work on ones slavery to hone it to good shape hence making a masters life better
serving is what this girl throves upon and to feel that ownership is something girl misses sorely bad |
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brill day really went to pub with mates hsd a meal and simply was vanilla for the day still\ not found a skirt i like for wedding god one week left panic is hitting me now its an either or situation as mother of the bride needs to not outshine bride but needs to look ace as well ..
going for a meal before wedding with some of family why baffles hell out of me but thata is our family they want to meet in the pub
it will be getting them out will be the problem
well one of them my X husband.. the childs father ....
oh yes remind me dont do kids you never get rid of the bloke then been divorced more years than married but hey can i get rid no kids keep bringing him back ..
mind you was\my very first Dom |
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Spent an interesting time in a gor room on alt out into practice some of what one had learnt in the past few weeks made friends with some kajira and had a pleasant time
girl has accepted protection of previous Master . |
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feeling very low today have decided to back off from here visit occassionally it was not the right place for me my slave heart is bruised and scathed and i need to rebuikld the walls around me now to protect me the essential self the slave maybe become a brat and be really nasty to people keep them at arms length not let them in maybe thats is what this lifestyle teaches those that seek
i know its taught me lessons that now this lifestyle is nothing compared to its past its devoid and full of crap and slaves with real slave hearts go away fromn this place because its not a nice place to stay ..
too many wolves and carrion prey on those who walk these paths ..
i learnt many things words have no meaning they are simply words ..
i take my slave heart and walk away .. empty hungering still and with nothing to feed the inner self ...
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this came as a blow to me this morning put me in tears and upset me a lot..
you know i was happy about saturday well apparently she wasnt so there you have it in nut shell .. one meetings alone and its off .. so i loose out again after allowing myself to get attached to both.. |
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time goes so fast when you are in good company i dont know why or how but i met the slave at 12.30pm and we well we had all the afternoon but it flew we went shopping for wedding stuff because i needed an outfit for a family wedding and by god a few times taking ones clothes off is enough for anybody and of all the clothes i tried on only a few i liked a black dress yes but as well found one top each we liked had a luagh over the hats though silly really ...
reminds self dont wear 4inch heels and go shopping got blisters and feet hurt
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its a wow day today just sorted out my future am going back ti university ..
so this is oine happy bunny today .
its a wow day !!! |
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am updating profile because have left training Master we are still friends and still chat i would like to say this to him
thankyou very much MSH for all your help over these past few months girl wishes you well for the future and is thankful for all she learnt from you be well nihad |
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well even though girkl was nervous never been in any submission with this master before but it went well would have been better for me had training master been there but then again bad enough on the telephone this Master sitting on the couch saw enough to learn a few things about this girl his face said so
we had a chat after and he told me what he had noticed |
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its raining men and some are a bit weird and some think i am hiding from them and some hate me because well because i say NO
some \think a slave /doormat are one and same and some well some are just plain daft
why would a slave want to beg a collar from an idiot comje on ber sensible now this is not a joke to me i am serious i want and will have that person to serve who can make my knees melt like and his voice oh yes that is vdery important to me if he can control by voice he can control face to face too..
now then today Training Master said you will serve MJ blackwine when he is at yours he wants to see a serve gorean style so i am to serve a master i have met once
without my Trainer beng here he will phone me now hang on i can see a downside to this ermm do tower and hold a phone and make blackwine and serve it whilst holding a phone ermmm Master obesience holding a phone maybe one has three arms and did not know about it nope counted two .
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Oh dear have ermm well messed up already Training Master is a bit cross with me it seems girl has disobeyed a direct order of dear never ever done that as yet so dont know what its like to face he music of an irrate Master
apologies to the other Dom /Master did not mean to get you into trouble sorry
ermm thinks girl is well ermm you know testing the water see iof she sinks or swims might need arm bands but ermm oh god suppose girlo needs to know where that line is that one does not cross with Trainer |
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Well today slave was house collared to Training Master for duration of training as la kajira Master will now have more control over this kajira
Master has set up this profile for the girl so that girl can be messaged by those who can help\ girl learn and those Masters who understand the collar
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