I was born in Adelaide on the 28^th of November 1972. My parents had a farm about two hours from Adelaide but divorced six months before I got married.

I am one of four children and I am the eldest. As a child, I was right into sports and have many friends .at the age of 12 I went to boarding school in Adelaide and 7 months into boarding school I was diagnosed as having type one diabetes, where I spent two weeks in hospital as they believe I had it for a year or more. Boarding school was good and there was lots of disciple here ad this where I developed a sense of structure and therefore it took me to thinking about BDSM.  I was generally a good student I did miss family; especially my mother as I went from a school of 23 kids to 1100 boys.

I remember I first masturbated and cum on my 14^th birthday and it was looking at playboys we had in the boarding house. My first sexual experience was with a boy named *Kai Cook (if this is to be published please change this name) and we sucked each other and felt good but awkward after. Many boys did it and you had to be so careful not to get caught or you would be bullied. This continued for about a year but then it was best thought to not go down this track.

I remember being about 15 and I went to the beach at Glenelg alone in the summer. I went to a toilet and a man approached me  in the toilet and he played with my cock and asked me to masturbate and suck him which I did. I then thought this is wrong and run away. I have never told anyone this. On the tram, back to the boarding house I remember I was hard as while it would be deemed sexual assault I was turned on by it. 

I remember going home on an exiet not long after that and mum, dad and family were away so I was in the house alone. I tried on my mum’s bra and panties and this was my first experience in feeling a woman’s clothes and it felt wonderful. This is the only time I did it .

I lost my virginity with a woman in 1992; aged 20

Post college I went to university and studied biochemistry where I lost all my strict structure of boarding school and struggled in the first 6 months and often refer back to the sexual assault however this was in the late  80s/ early 90s  and AIDS was being thrown at us so I become  A-sexual  right through university and while I talked to girls I never did anything sexual and this where I lost my interest in men and has not come up since. 

I graduated from University of Adelaide in 1994 with Honours in Biochemistry.

I then spent a year overseas in Europe traveling and become a more normal person.  I have always had difficulty making friends and live in my own head a lot.

In 1998 I met my former wife she trained a s a physiologist and she is of German decent, her parents were very religious and did not like us science types but I did respect Rebecca and we had a good time together but on reflection we were not in love.  It took 8 months before we had sex and she mentioned to quote her “I don’t know why you bothered” as I cum very quick obviously and have always not been assertive and I have always been good at compromise. whilst we had an active sexual relationship it was a chore as it was; “do it then sleep no build up or foreplay”. I take responsibility for this and not blaming her. I used to use the shower for self-gratification or the office when porn become easy to access lol. 

We married on October 28 2004. I found being centre of attention on that day difficult and did not enjoy the day. I did enjoy the organisation of it but not the event.

I remember I knew on our honeymoon in Thailand that we won’t last forever and sort of checked out. I remember going to see a lady boy show with her and I loved it especially when I got hit on by a lady boy. I obviously rejected her advances as I was on our honeymoon but if the circumstance were different what would I have done ?.

I moved to Karratha WA with Rebecca in 2008 to follow her career and I hated it there and knew or marriage was coming to an end but I was never strong enough to end it. I never had an affair or a fuck buddy during any relationship . I was working for  a US company as a chemist on a research process into Algae and had to travel to the US every two months so obviously our relationship went downhill and I suspect at this time Rebecca found she could live well without me and while I was away she was doing activities that we never did together . 

We separated on March 14 2011 after she sent me text and then called me to “say she loves me but not in love with me”. I was so relieved at the prospect and I put the date in my calendar so I could divorce a year later. We owned a house in Melbourne and I did not want to split up the empire so I just walked away and started again.

I met this woman on July 3 2015 from Tinder she has had an amazing effect on me on so many levels; words are inadequate. When we met on the 27^th of October and when I met her wearing her red hat and being late I knew she was someone special. The impact she had on me not just in a physical sense but the way I think has given me the tools to attempt to improve my character flaws .Science has taken a back seat the last 9 months and while my steps are small I am feeling better about myself. Dominique will make my book that’s for sure she has had influence on me and I was not ready for her in 2015 and don’t think I ever will be but I care for her deeply and never mean her harm . I “friend zoned” her while in Makati and I got a chat . This woman has had a huge impact on me in a positive way and while I know I am not for her I will always have her in my heart to reflect on and wonder how she is. The most intelligent person I have met , she has it all . So many things I mocked her for but in the fullness of time I have realised that I was not ready to have someone like that . our status is perfect now we talk sometimes via chat and it always a learning experience for me.

I am not sure how a monogamous relationship looks now as I have had a couple of attempts at relationships and decided I want someone older and want to explore the mind of a woman.  I have done a lot of reading in female lead relationships and BDSM which interests me .I think in my heart I seek a mother figure ,it’s a difficult one to reconcile as I am little I maybe want my childhood back and open to how kinky that may get. Is there a person out there like that; who knows. Somehow I think I will be alone but if I keep chipping away I will get there in the end. I have found writing so therapeutic