LaceyLexi

is it weird that i feel more comfortable with older men and women? in 2012, when i was still living in my college dorm, i never thought of being in a relationship with someone older.  ya i dated a boy that was 19 when i was 15, and a 21 year old when i was 17.

but now i've lived with a guy that was like 47, and living with a couple that's around 40.

i don't like the jealousy thing that happens, but i really like being submissive to someone a lot older then me. its like its suppose to be that way... like we are raised to believe what an older person says. its like an instant submission thing for me.

wow. i was never like that 2 years ago.

even tho there are things i don't like at all about how things turned out, and that i would avoid in the next relationship, some of it was so intense that i don't regret experiencing it even though it turned ugly, if that makes any sense.

i was told by a few people that i am being exploited. i feel like that in a way, but i didn't feel that way when it started.  what changed is that they grew used to me, i think.  it went from me being desired and wanted to me being an everyday part of their lives. and soon after i gave all of myself to them, and they saw they could have me whenever they wanted, it started to not be special for them anymore.  at least i think that's what did it.

just discovered anal... got probed with a thin rubber thingie with a ball on the end and a handle... it went in up to the handle, which is maybe 7 or 8"... not at first... HE got it in 5" and then it stopped, and he put me laying on my left side with my right leg curled up to my chest, and he was able to work it in all the way to the handle... i couldn't believe it!

inside it felt like it was pushing against something at first. but then when he repositioned my body it felt like it was turning the corner inside. and then when it was all the way in, it felt like there was another hole deep inside that it was coming to... and when it pressed and went thru that hole the feeling was like nothing i ever felt before - it felt better than sex, better than orgasms... i can't describe it. it's not a feeling that can make me orgasm, but its like an intense soreness that feels incredible.  i would be happy just feeling that over and over, all day if possible.

i am being made wider so that i can do real anal with HIM inside me.  HE is using plugs that come in 5 different sizes.  i am comfortable with #2 and going to try #3 sunady, and if i can get it then he's gonna do full anal to me... and i can't wait... i want that deep part inside me to feel the fucking from HIS dick. and i was told that the feeling of HIM cumming in that area is awesome too... gonna find out!

oh and HE screened and accepted 2 guys for my next assignment!  2 more to go!

HE has set the date for my next encounter - november 26 (mon).  HE will screen and choose four guys who can get together then.  i will be required to get nude in front of them, and show them my body in the ways that they tell me to.  HE will be there with them, and they will not be allowed to touch me for this one.  They can tell me what to do as far as showing my body to them, including having me do it in front of each of them, so that they get a personal view if they want.  this will go on for an hour.

the same four guys, plus two new ones, will be invited back for the next phase of this, which is basically the same thing except they can touch and grope my body - but must keep their fingers out of me.  in the one after that, they can masturbate me and put their fingers inside me.  and in the final one, i am to give myself to them for sexual service.

if you want to be considered for one of the four openings, contact me and i will forward it to HIM.  then HE will be in contact with you to screen and set it up.  it will be taking place at HIS home, in eagle.

I'm supposed to write about my experience.  The assignment was to put an ad on craigs offering to do whatever guys asked me to and send them pics of it.  as soon as i put the ad up, requests started pouring in.  i did things for 36 guys before i pulled the ad a few hours later.  the most intimate parts of my body became theirs to control. 36 strangers.

at first it was fun... especially with the guys who didn't get it, didn't understand why i was doing. at first they were timid, asking for things like a full body pic. i felt okay with it, even excited over the fact that guys wanted to see my body.

but then it started becoming worse and worse. guys weren't asking anymore, they were demanding and telling me what to do, and the stuff they were asking wasn't enjoyable. it started with wanting me to fist my pussy, which i can't do - i'm still pretty young and only been with a few guys - and 2 fingers is enough for me, anything more starts to hurt from the sides. that request turned into putting fingers in my butthole. i don't do anal... tried it twice and always really bad experiences with lots of pain, stopped it early. i didn't want to do fingers but the guy insisted. i started doing fingers in my butthole... got 2 fingers in. then he wanted me to stick a toy in my butt and open it up and show him. i live in the dorms - i don't have and can't afford toys, and i don't have any place private for them anyways.  he wouldn't take no for an answer - he said to use the leg of the chair that i'm sitting on. to put the chair leg inside my butt.  i hated that guy.  i did it, and sent him pics. now i didn't have to take any more requests from him - i had done something that i didn't like, and the rule was once i was pushed, i could move on to the next guy.

i started to feel like shit after this kind of stuff... guys just wanting to see my pussy spread open for them, and all the requests for tits, pussy and ass.  there were only two requests for a pic of my face, and only one of those was for a normal pic with clothes on.  most just saw me as an opportunity to take advantage of a piece of pussy... didn't even see me as human, and didn't care if what they wanted hurted or bothered me... they just wanted to use me.

i got really depressed and felt like i was losing sense of who i was... started to cry at one point.  i started to just say "fuck it" and do what they asked without even thinking. i felt worthless - like i didn't even exist as a person anymore, and like the only reason they wanted me around was for sexual uses.  i started to hate myself, and lose my identity.

i interacted with some of these guys, like answering things they would ask about my body and sexual experiences.  i learned quickly that they didn't care.  if i said i didn't like something, that's what some would tell me to do - on purpose, i guess.  all they wanted was to have their way with me, make me do things i didn't like, on purpose. they got off on making me hate them and hate myself, in making me miserable.

some of these guys scared me. i would be terrified to be alone with them.  some of them wanted to do as much to me as they could get away with.  they were the type of guys that, if they found a young girl naked and unconscious in an abandoned place, they would use her body sexually until her insides were torn and bleeding, and then leave her to die.  that's the kind of guys i felt - i know for sure - some of them are.

i'm not supposed to talk about what HE discussed with me after the assignment was over.  HE comforted me and helped me understand what i learned from this... in a big way.  i'm not used to learning that way. while it was happening, i had no idea what i was learning, but now it all makes sense... a lot of sense.  he's given me a different way of looking at things, and i feel really lucky.  i am ready for the next thing now.

the next assignment will be to do the same - take requests from guys and show them exactly what they want - except in person, in front of a group of guys. giving up control to them and doing what they tell me, losing every last bit of privacy and modesty, and having to let them look at my most private parts from close up.  way different than pics, since the person is physically there and i can see them staring at my body.  i am ready, and he's gonna set it up.  HE says that, depending on how i do, HE may also orgasm me in front of them and even fuck me.  they only get to watch.  i feel torn about that... i don't like that others are going to see me lose control of my body and orgasm, but i also feel good that i get to orgasm and they can't touch me - like a slap in the face to them.  i am ready to do this, as soon as HE chooses the guys and sets it up.

Sixpackers49 on 11/14/2012

http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/1684544/details.htm 

"712-253-6831 msg me ; ) exchange pics, good times"

what a fucking lamer piece of shit. fucking poser with no idea what this is about, has no interest in reading profiles before writing, and thinks his fucking high school pick-up lines are gonna work on here.  he's a piece of shit lamer who wants to find a hook up hoping the submissive will teach him how to be a dominant.  and yes... for him dominant should always be spelled with a lower-case d.  because he's a lamer pozer piece of shit.

my assignment of finding guys to show my body to is now posted on craigslist.

http://boise.craigslist.org/cas/3409210013.html

i will start with sending pics to strangers to get used to showing my body, then progress to getting nude in front of a group of guys and showing my body to them, and then progress to letting guys touch and feel me up nude.  i may be required to let guys take turns putting their fingers inside me, and even maybe let them do sex to me, but that's not worked out yet and its not something i wanna do.  but i probably will have to.

from subtrash501 11/13/2012 - totally unsolicited.

http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/1683128/details.htm

"Whore, slut and dog-fuck. When I look at a pathetic piece of worthless ass like you, my dom side comes out. Don't concern yourself with my orientation as I assure you it does not apply to you. I would love nothing more than to crush and destroy any vestige of humaity you have left. Worthless bitch you would only be allowed to bark like a dog as language is reserved for people which you most certainly are not. Your worthless cunt will be mine to fuck and own as I see fit. Beg you female dog, beg to be shamed and humiliated like the shit you are."

funny thing is he's a fat pig of course, probably doesn't even have his GED.  so i guess while i bark, he's gonna be squealing and rolling in mud.

HE gave me new requirements that are gonna become an assignment once HE thinks i'm ready for them.  i am going to be required to get naked in front of a few guys and show them my all parts of my body. in other words will have to do the positions i was taught in front of other guys, including the positions that involve spreading myself open.

i am way scared and nervous about this. HE is taking to me and trying to decide how far it should go based on my comfort level (and i think i have no comfort at all). HE is going to decide if the guys will be allowed to touch my body and how far. like if they'll be allowed to touch and grope my breasts, touch me down there, and even if they'll be encouraged to put their fingers inside me.  i have never done anything like this before.

HE said i will be allowed to choose the guys that i have to do this in front of, but i don't know that i want to do anything like this in front of any guys.  HE said if i don't choose, HE'S gonna choose for me and their gonna be guys that are very hungry for it.  i don't know what to do yet.

i am suppose to share my feelings on here in public, as a part of my training to do what HE wants me to do, in front of others.  the goal is to get me used to being naked with other guys, and even being touched by other guys, until i'm comfortable letting another guy have sex with me while HE kisses and encourages me.

i am scared but its a whole new experience for me and i want to please HIM.  i don't know how to choose the guys, tho.

I was taught new things over the weekend, and I'm allowed to journal about some.

I was taught five positions, that are all about showing my body to him and making my sexual parts open and accessible to him.  They're about stipping me of all expectations of privacy and modesty, and making my body an open book for him.  A few of the positions involved spreading myself open for him, and that was the hardest part of all... showing myself like that, purposely opened up.  But, I learned to part my lips open and show him my actual hole.  I also learned to stretch my cheeks so that my butthole is stretched for him.

On sunday he gave me an exam and test.  He had me do positions and there could be no hesitation to open and show myself sexually.  From two of the positions (one of them is on my back with legs squatted in and held apart, the other is doggy but with ass bent up and out and chest and face touching the ground), he put his fingers inside me then he opened them up inside me, and then pulled them out slowly so that it opened me up and he could see inside me.  Then he used a speculum on me, opening me up and telling me what he was seeing inside me.  He totally stripped me of every last bit of modesty and privacy... and he got to know the inside of my pussy even better than I do.  His fingers felt around inside me, exploring every wedge and corner, feeling the half-dome of my cervix, prodding and stretching my pussy around it.  He's like a master at it - he knows my insides better than I do.  And he knows where to rub, from the inside, to make me orgasm.

I'm not allowed to talk about orgasms yet.  Not until I get to the next stage, which is learning to allow anal play.  More than that... learning to enjoy it and to want it.  Right now it's something I don't like.  And he says that's not an acceptable limit... that I will be allowed to not want it, after I try it with him.  I have agreed that he can take me thru full anal sex... going all the way including cumming inside my butt... and he has agreed that if I don't like it after he's taught me how to take it, we won't have to do it again.

He is the BEST.  I will start learning anal next weekend.  He is going to combine pussy massages and orgasms with it, and says that I will end up begging him for anal once he's gotten me used to it.

I have also learned that I will have to have sex with another guy of his choosing, and maybe even two guys at the same time or taking turns with me, in front of him.  My mouth will be off limits to those guys... he will be continually kissing me while the guys are doing sexual things to me that he will discuss with them ahead of time.  He says he wants to watch my face while another guy is licking me and fucking me, and he wants to be deep kissing me while I'm having orgasms.  I will have to do positions for these other guys, and show them my sex parts without hesitation, and keep my sex parts open and easily accessible for them.

I am really scared about this, about having two guys that i don't even know doing sex things to my body, about strangers dicks being inside me, about being used for sex like that, but i will be in his hands at all times and made to share my feelings while he's watching my face the whole time, and made to deep kiss him passionately while being made to orgasm by other guys.  Its weird and I'm scared, but I will try it for him.

I am now HIS property, HIS submissive, and HE is awesome!

I am learning so much, about stuff that I never even dreamed of, and about stuff that most people never even get a chance to - about how to make my mind submit to HIM completely, so that my body naturally wants to follow.

I feel safe and protected, and am able to let go completely because of how I can trust HIM.  It is like nothing else I've ever experienced.  I am allowed to do what I want when we're not together... I'm trusted.  I love it!

fucking awesome!  my first session ever, with my new master!! wow!!! i'm in awe!!!

so worth waiting for!

YEY!  last nite he agreed to meet with me.  today i have things to work on that he wants me to think about and answer, and wed we meet again. first thing is i'm suppose to think about what respect means to me, like ways i think will show him that i respect him. and we're gonna talk about them on wed.

so right now i am officially NOT LOOKING. when katie gets back in town, all three of us are gonna meet and see if he'll teach us together.  GOOD THINGS ARE WORTH WAITING FOR!  if i had settled for less and just gone with any guy on here, i would have closed off the opportunity to be with HIM.

From mrbenji

http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/1312818/details.htm

How are you tonight?

October 29, 2012 from bull147:

http://www.collarme.com/personals/v/726928/details.htm

fantastic curves i would love to meet you i think were [lamer way to spell "we're"] a great fit i want to pound away on your body sexy lets meet asap [ya right... who the fuck are you again?] dom tim in kuna [where the people who can't afford rent live]

10/27/12 unsolicited message from abusetoi:

Going by your profile description, you're only looking for one specific guy you know who is on here, and yet here you are looking at other profiles.....why don't you do yourself and, more importantly; me....a favor and delete your profile, grow a spine, and go pick up on this guy you know instead of trying to stalk him like some desperate, clingy, needy crush? You call yourself submissive, but your profile is nothing but (dominant) warnings and selfish spewing about what you don't want, aren't interested in, won't do, and then to top it all off, you go and call people you have never even had any contact with 'stupid', saying that 'if you're too stupid to write like an adult, don't expect a response from me' right before you say 'lamerz', which, I'll have you know, is *not a word*, though I'm sure *you* think it is. [he's very wrong - it's a valid colloquial expression] I think you are one of those people who are too stupid to write like an adult [right before he starts putting stars at the start and end of words]. You have a lot of growing up to do, especially if you ever realistically expect to attract (and keep) a man. [coming from a man who can't find a woman that will be with him] BTW, I do not *expect* [words don't begin and end with stars!] a response from you.....I don't *want* a response from you; you're a stupid child who *thinks* she knows what she wants, but in reality, has no fucking clue. Someday I'll look back on this and laugh or maybe I'll have completely forgotten about it by this time tomorrow; who knows (or cares)? FYI: 'fatness' is also *not a word*. [yes it is - a noun, check the dictionary] Holy shit, you're stupid.