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kimberlyssecret

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Friends:
allmaninseattleGentlemanndomMasterpaul1967spankuwithloveLVLesdom
GOTHICdall2000SINCITYFLOGGERbossmarkmistressneedsyouLaser3157
MrAllenSDomwardenpiercekayoMistressElla4subtimmo99
CreativeDom711radioactive757HardSadisticFunMaster4RTslavedreammaster23
ZGatorthehaunterdsm5KinkyGothVamp4U

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Hey there all. Things have changed so much in my life. ?Things are more settled and now have plenty of time and mental focus. ?I can finally consider meeting the right person that can understand my life. Good and bad. ?And wants to be a big part of my life. ?Local only. ?OR willing and able to relocate to me as my family needsme very much right now. ?So if you're interested in getting to know each other and seeing where it could possibly lead.?


HOW EVER IF YOU HAVE VIEWED NOTHING MORE THAN MY PHOTOS AND WISH TO BE WITH ME MERELY FOR MY PIC'S OR MY SEXUAL OR LIFESTYLE PROCLIVITIES, I AM SORRY I AM NOT INTERESTEDd

FEEL FREE TO ENJOY THE PHOTOS THAT'S WHAT THEY ARE THERE FOR.?



BY THE WAY, THE REASON EVERY TAB OF INTERESTS AND INFORMATION IS COMPLETED FOR YOU TO GET TO KNOW ME TO SEE IF WE HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON. AND THERE ARE CLOSE TO TWO EARS OF JOURNAL ENTRIES POSTED FOR A REASON. THEY ARE NOT LIFESTYLE ONLY, OR SEXUAL. GOOD AND BAD. RIGHT AND WRONG. IT HAS BEEN MY JOURNEY, WELL AT LEAST MOST OF IT. MANY ENTRIES ARE SONG LYRICS, THOSE TOO ARE THERE BECAUSE IN THAT MOMENT THAT IS WHAT CRIED OUT OF MY SOUL. IF YOU WISH TO KNOW ME THEN TRULY KNOW ME.

THERE ARE A FEW OF YOU OUT THERE WHO I WISH TO THANK FOR EVERY AMAZING MOMENT AND LESSON IN MY LIFE. THAT KEEP ME IN THEIR THOUGHTS AND HEARTS EVERYDAY, AS I DO THEM. THANK YOU, I LOVE YOU, AND MISS ?YOU EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE. ?

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10/27/2015 9:29:34 PM
I don't want to be faithful tonight

10/18/2015 12:46:23 AM
Engaged

8/1/2014 3:06:10 PM
Well see if I do that again. I am so tired of the game. I never agreed to play A game. And WHO IN the fuck made these rules? AND IF THIS IS A RIDE STOP THE FUCKING MERRY GO ROUND I HATE GOING IN CIRCLES. I WANT ADVENTURE

5/20/2014 11:59:58 PM
Hello world. Let me just say this...why I ever thought I could I have no clue. I think I tried this once before. I tried to tell him he was the exception not the rule. Kinky, but vanilla. Soft, gentle and loving is beautiful and I knew even though he said he could...He couldn't inflict pain in any physical way. Very dominant in life but a dominant he ain

3/20/2014 4:19:52 AM
Its time to be open and willing to try once more

1/10/2014 7:25:48 PM
OH my HELL. I've never had to work on an id e machine. Had no clue what I had gotten my self into when I opened the tower. I couldn't use the memory out of my old pc. Couldn't add my other hard drive as a second one. So I guess I have to put all that back in my old one and some how transfer the data.

1/3/2014 4:16:11 AM
You know either god totally fucked up with the whole kidney stones thing especially it a only escape route or he's a cruel dom who doesn't know what a safe word is.... fyi... in case there was ever a doubt, urethra sounding on this body is a hard limit. Fuck if they gotta hurt like this they could at least be diamonds

12/29/2013 3:04:16 PM
When I thought I was at my weakest I found a strength I did not know I could ever possess. Spent part of Christmas day and the next in the hospital. Kidney infection with kidneys stones. The past few days have been spent in bed and not in a good way. Then last night I stood face to face the the man who tried to kill me 8 years ago. Showed no fear forgave him and let that finally go. It was like a ten ton weight lifted off my soul. NOW I AM NOT STUPID TRUST OR ALLOWING HIM IN MY LIFE WILL NEVER HAPPEN. NEITHER WILL ALLOWING ANY ONE TOUCH MY NECK. ..WELL EXCEPT YOU. YEAH YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. BUT I DID IT. if today was your last day could you forgive enemies? Or could you stand in front of him and not tremble?

12/21/2013 7:33:27 AM
YOU KNOW IT HAS BEEN WAY TO LONG SINCE YOU WERE USED ANALLY WHEN GETTING YOUR ASS USED HURTS SO BAD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN I THINK OVER 25 YEARS THAT I HAD TO CRY OUT YELLOW AND CLEAN HIMSELF WELL ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO FINISH IN MY PUSSY. HOWEVER BEING TIGHT LIKE THAT AGAIN MAKES EVERYTHING FEEL SO SO GOOD SO IF YOU ALL MIGHT WANT TO GET TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER MORE AND BECOME FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT, FUCK BUDDIES OR MY SUGAR DADDY HIT ME UP. I AM SO VERY NOT NOT READY FOR ANOTHER SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP. BUT I DO SO VERY DEEPLY NEED TO SERVE AGAIN. I WANT EITHER A DOMME/mistress or a Dom/master. But only REAL LIFE IN PERSON. THEY HAVE TO BE VERY INTELLIGENT AND EXPDRIENCED. I NEED A REALLY AMAZING/EXCEPTIONAL LOVER. BOTH A MAN AND A WOMAN. AND IF SOMEONE WOULD LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING ALL THE WILD KINKY AMAZING THINGS I WOULD LOVE AND NEED TO GIVE ONLY MY SUGAR DADDY. OR MAMA. AND I AM SO EAGER AND HUNGER, CRAVE TO GIVE ONLY MY SUGAR MAMA. JUST IN CASE. .. SAFE SEX IS MANDATORY. BUT I HAVE SO MUCH LOST TIME TO MAKE UP FOR. FINALLY FREE FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO BE THE DIRTY NAUGHTY FUCK SLUT I I WAS BORN TO BE.

11/28/2013 10:00:39 AM
Today I give thanks for every single thing in my life. Of course for all of the good. But for MOST OF THE BAD. NO NOT THE WAY YOU MIGHT THINK. EACH BAD DECISION BECAME A LESSON LEARNED. OR A tool in which the universe has no other to send either the Message YOU about things or people vital to your next journey. TO BRING PEOPLE INTO YOUR LIFE THAT YOU WOULD HAVE NEVER MET BUT BECOME VITAL TO YOUR ENTIRE FUTURE IN WAYS WE CAN'T COMPREHEND) YET. AND ITS NOT ONLY ADULTS. EVEN MORE SO WITH KID'S. So never judge a person or situation. PAY EVEN CLOSER ATTENTION THAN YOU NORMALLY WOULD JUST ANOTHER ONE OF"HER" FRIENDS. I DID THIS WITH A YOUNG MAN that night I gave her a ride out here. HE WAS DIFFERENT IN EVERY WAY. AND WAS THE ONLY HUMAN BEING SINCE THE DEATH OF MY HERO. AND NOW I CAN SEE THE FUTURE IN TERMS OF SUCCESS NOT SURVIVAL

10/10/2013 7:20:52 PM
SAFE SEX IS A PADDED CEILING FAN

10/10/2013 7:18:38 PM
IS IT STILL CONSIDERED BDSM WHEN WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED RIGHT THIS SECOND ISN'T ABOUT WHO IS IN CONTROL ITS THE NEED FOR THE RAW VIOLENT INTENSE THING THAT MAKES"KLINGON" SEX SEEM LIKE SWEET GENTLE LOVE MAKING

10/10/2013 12:45:31 AM

NO RELATIONSHIP TALK UNDERSTOOD. I DO KNOW WITH ALL MY HEART WHY I AM MEANT TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALONE. EVERY MOMENT IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MAKE ME STRONGER, BUT I AM USED TO HAVING SOMEONE BESIDE ME OR OWNING ME SO THAT VERY SELDOM DO I HAVE TO FACE THE VERY HARDEST THINGS ALONE.

WELL ITS TIME NOW, I HAVE TO GAIN THIS LEVEL OF STRENGTH ALONE. I HAVE TO LEARN INDEPENDENCE AGAIN. THE COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE TO HANDLE ANY AND EVERYTHING ALONE. TO REMEMBER I NEVER NEEDED TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE TO BE STRONG FOR ME OR WHEN I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY MORE TO SHUT THE WORLD AWAY FOR AWHILE.


MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I AM MEANT TO DO ALL OF THIS ALONE IS SO THAT WHEN I AM FINISHED, WHEN ALL OF THIS IS BEHIND ME, AND MY FAMILY I WILL TRULY BE READY AGAIN,OR MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL WAKE UP, WALK OUT THE DOOR AND IT WILL WALK RIGHT UP TO ME SAY HELLO, ASK ME OUT AND END UP BEING EXACTLY WHAT WE BOTH NEED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING FOR CERTAIN WITHOUT SAYING THE WORDS WHAT I AM, WHAT HE OR SHE IS, AND AT LEAST PART OF LIFE WILL FALL INTO PLACE


10/8/2013 3:19:14 PM
Pancreatitis sucks. My pain pills are as effective as a fucking Tylenol. I'm stuck in A car for 7 fucking hour to get home and I'd rather die

9/11/2013 4:45:57 PM
Major decisions in life. No serious relationship. I need a fuck buddy and a sugar daddy. And having a blast finding both.

8/18/2013 3:55:06 PM
I'M SO BROKE MY NERVOUS BREAK DOWN IS ON LAY AWAY

8/9/2013 8:07:30 AM
I wish I were a glow worm cuz glow worms are never glum for how can you be grumpy when light shines from your bum

8/8/2013 4:00:22 AM

life has taken a big roller coaster ride. my dad broke his neck, though he is able to walk he needs 24 hour care and i am all he has. he has to come home in three weeks and for the first 90 days i cant even leave the house except for church, groceries or my dr appointments. and i dont know if having a strange man come over to the house to get to know one another. can definitely cant have a guest sleep over or me sleep at someone elses house for several months after. BUT MAYBE THIS IS A GOOD THING. I CAN DECIDE WHAT I NEED NOT JUST WHAT EVERY DOM THINKS I NEED OK EXCEPT PLAY AND USE. and take time for me to get well too. i think my universe has forced me to take stock of my life and not just jump into another relationship and end up single again.


7/21/2013 12:04:08 AM
Beginning to put my life back together and trying to distance my heart from randy though we are living together. I know we are coming close from the end of what was at times a beautiful journey together . Will love him in a very special way and place of my heart always. No more searching for me. They will have to find me and prove to me this time they are worth taking the. Risk of breaking my heart again

7/18/2013 3:09:02 PM

i am no longer moving to arizona. staying in salt lake and single once again


3/25/2013 5:37:09 AM

CURRENTLY I AM IN A 24/7 TPE LIVE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH MASTER RANDY. UNTIL VERY RECENTLY I TRULY BELIEVED THIS WAS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT AS WE ARE INTENDING TO MOVE TO THE TUCSON AREA BY THE END OF FALL HERE.
I WANT/NO I NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM MORE NOW THAN I HAVE EVER THE ENTIRE YEAR WE'VE KNOWN ONE ANOTHER. PRAY FOR THIS GIRL. IT SEEMS JUST AS I AM SURE I HAVE FOUND MY WAY, KNOW WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO GO AND AM SO SURE I AM FINALLY MAKING THE DECISION I AM SUPPOSED TO TO BE ABLE TO TRULY HAVE MY LIFE BACK AGAIN IN ANY MANNER, AND AT THIS SECOND AM BACK TO UNSURE ABOUT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING SO AFRAID TO FUCK UP BY DOING THE WRONG THING, MORE TERRIFIED OF DESTROYING MY LIFE BY MAKING NO DECISION.
I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO COUNT ON MY MASTER TO PROTECT ME IN MATTERS LIKE THIS AS HE SEES SO OBVIOUSLY THAT I AM NO LONGER ABLE TO HANDLE STRESS LIKE THIS. AFTER SO MANY MISTAKES, SO MANY FAKES, SO MANY NOW DECEASED, I AM AFRAID TO GIVE THAT LAST OUNCE OF TRUST I AM HOLDING BACK.
SORRY WILL CHANGE TOMORROW

 

 


2/17/2013 3:26:44 AM
Very unsure about everything ESP my relationship with my master

2/9/2013 11:30:22 PM

CAN I SAY TOTALLY CONFUSED? I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE. I AM TOTALLY IN A FOREIGN LAND. HE DOESNT COMMUNICATE WITH ME. I AM A BEAUTIFUL SLAVE HERE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE HIM. MOST OF THE TIME ITS LIKE I BARELY EXIST HERE. HE TREATS ME SO AMAZING IN SO MANY WAYS BUT... I KNOW THIS IS HIS FIRST RELATIONSHIP OWNING A TRUR FORMALLY TRAINED SLAVE WHO HASD BEEN IN THIS LIFE ALMOST HALF MY LIFE. SO HE IS ON FOREIGN GROUND. WHEN WE GET SETTLED IN OUR NEW HOME THAT HE WILLING TO GET INVOLVEED IN THE COMMUNITY THERE AND GO TO CLASSES AND MUNCHES AND PLAY PARTIES. AND LEARN. AND WE CAN FIND OUR OWN RHYTHM AND MEET WHERE WE NEED TO TO BE HAPPY AND I CAN BRING OUT THE TRUE MASTER I CAN SEE INSIDE OF HIM. AND MAKE OUR HOME THE ONE PLACE HE CAN BE THAT PERSON, ALL HE IS INSIDE OF HIM. AS HE LEARNS HOW TO DO WHAT HE REALLY LIKES TO WATCH IT IS MY JOB TO BE HIS LEARNING TOOL AND AS HE LEARNS I LEARN HOW TO TAKE IT AND ABLE TO PUSH MY LIMITS AND FOR ME TO LEARN ALL HE IS INTO AND HOW TO GIVE THAT TO HIM AND LEARN HOW TO BE WHAT HE NEEDS BUT I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. IS THERE ANY HOPE? CAN I DO THIS? AM I STILL GOOD ENOUGH TO SUCCEED? CAN THIS RELATIONSHIP SUCCEED?


2/8/2013 12:22:19 AM

Can I say I AM THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ON EARTH. MASTER HAS SEEN ME GO THROUGH MORE HELL, SICKNESS AND PAIN THAN ANY OTHER DOMINANT I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH. AND HE STILL WANTS A LIFE WITH ME. WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO BE MOVING TO TUCSON, AZ IN THE SPRING. FINALLY WE ARE BUYING A HOUSE TOGETHER, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS ALMOST KILLED IN 2004 THE SENSE OF SECURITY OF IT BEING OURS. BETWEEN HIS INCOME AND MY DISABILITY I JUST WON WE WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LATE BILLS, HAVING WHAT WE NEED, WILL HAVE A CAR AGAIN SO NEVER NEED TO TAKE ANOTHER BUS.

HE IS LIKE NO OTHER MAN OR MASTER I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH.

 

I VOW EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE I STRIVE TO BE THE SLAVE HE DESERVES AND PRAY ONE DAY I AM HIS MOST CHERISHED AND PRIZED POSSESSION.


12/6/2012 11:48:19 AM
He told me he loved me for the first time today

11/9/2012 6:45:44 AM

DANTE'S PRAYER


WHEN THE DARK WOOD FELL BEFORE ME

AND THE PATHS WERE OVERGROWN

WHEN THE PRIESTS OF PRIDE SAID THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

I TILLED THE SORROWS OF STONE

I DID NOT BELIEVE BECAUSE I COULD NOT SEE

THOUGH YOU CAME TO ME IN THE NIGHT

WHEN THE DAWN SEEMED FOREVER LOST

YOU SHOWED ME YOUR LOVE IN THE LIGHT OF THE STARS


CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN

CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA

WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS

PLEASE REMEMBER ME


THEN THE MOUNTAIN ROSE BEFORE ME

BY THE DEEP WELL OF DESIRE

FROM THE FOUNTAIN OF FORGIVENESS

BEYOND THE ICE AND THE FIRE


 

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN

 

CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA

 

WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS

PLEASE REMEMBER ME


THOUGH WE SHARE THIS HUMBLE PATH ALONE

HOW FRAGILE IS THE HEART

OH GIVE THESE CLAY FEET WINGS TO FLY

TO TOUCH THE FACE OF THE STARS

BREATHE LIFE INTO THIS FEEBLE HEART

LIFT THIS MORTAL VEIL OF FEAR

TAKE THESE CRUMBLED HOPES

ETCHED WITH TEARS

WE'LL RISE ABOVE THESE EARTHLY CARES


 

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN

 

CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA

 

WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

PLEASE REMEMBER ME


I PRAY WITH ALL MY HEART THAT EVERY THOUGHT THAT FINDS ITS WAY ACROSS YOUR MIND OF ME, OF US, OF EVERY MOMENT WE SHARED, EVERY MIRACLE WE WITNESSED, EVERY MOMENT OF ECSTASY BRINGS YOU AS MUCH LOVE AND BEAUTY AS IT DOES ME. KNOW I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU, I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. I WILL BE HERE FOREVER. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL OUT MY NAME.

BUT MOST OF ALL I SEND YOU THE LYRICS TO THIS SONG TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND A PIECE OF ME THAT MAYBE YOU DIDN'T BEFORE. I NEVER ASKED FOR THE EASY WAY THROUGH LIFE, WHEN OTHERS TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO SOMETHING I PROVED THEM WRONG. AND MOST OF ALL, I REGRET ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE MOMENT OF MY LIFE. SO IF THE ROAD EVER GETS TO LONG, TOO HARD, WHEN YOU FEEL MOST ALONE, REMEMBER ME. REMEMBER THE LOVE I WILL ALWAYS HAVE FOR YOU. AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE NEVER EVER ALONE.


 


11/9/2012 6:31:04 AM

MY WISH

I HOPE THAT THE DAYS COME EASY, AND THE MOMENTS PASS SLOW

AND EACH ROAD LEADS YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO

AND IF YOU'RE FACED WITH A CHOICE AND YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE

I HOPE YOU CHOOSE THE ONE THAT MEANS THE MOST TO YOU

AND IF ONE DOOR OPENS TO ANOTHER CLOSED DOOR

I HOPE YOU KEEP ON GOING TIL YOU FIND THE WINDOW

AND IF IT'S COLD OUTSIDE, SHOW THE WORLD THE WARMTH OF YOUR SMILE


BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, MORE THAN ANYTHING

MY WISH FOR YOU IS THAT THIS LIFE

BECOMES ALL THAT YOU WANT IT TO

THAT YOUR DREAMS STAY BIG AND YOUR WORRIES STAY SMALL

AND YOU NEVER NEED TO CARRY MORE THAN YOU CAN HOLD

AND WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE GETTING WHERE YOU'RE GETTING TO

I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY LOVES YOU!!!

AND WANTS THE SAME THINGS TOO

YEAH, THIS IS MY WISH


I HOPE YOU NEVER LOOK BACK

BUT YOU NEVER FORGET

ALL THE ONE'S THAT LOVE YOU IN THE PLACE THAT YOU LEFT

I HOPE YOU ALWAYS FORGIVE AND YOU NEVER REGRET

AND YOU HELP SOMEBODY EVERY CHANCE YOU GET

OH THAT YOU FIND GODS GRACE IN EVERY MISTAKE

AND THAT YOU ALWAYS GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE


BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, MORE THAN ANYTHING

MY WISH FOR YOU IS THAT THIS LIFE

BECOMES ALL THAT YOU WANT IT TO

 

THAT YOUR DREAMS STAY BIG AND YOUR WORRIES STAY SMALL

 

AND YOU NEVER NEED TO CARRY MORE THAN YOU CAN HOLD

 

AND WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE GETTING WHERE YOU'RE GETTING TO

 

I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY LOVES YOU!!!

 

AND WANTS THE SAME THINGS TOO

 

YEAH, THIS IS MY WISH


THIS IS MY WISH

I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS STAY BIG


DEDICATED TO ALL THREE OF THE MEN IN MY LIFE WHO HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER, CHANGED MY GOALS, HELPED ME FIND MYSELF AND MY WAY AGAIN. AND REMINDED ME OF HOW BEAUTIFUL AND THAT I AM WORTHY OF AMAZING. I AM FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT.

YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE.


11/9/2012 5:54:16 AM

WELL THE 5TH OF THIS MONTH IS THE 9 MONTH ANNIVERSARY SINCE I MET THE MAN WHO IS NOW MY MASTER.

I HAVE NEVER TAKEN A RELATIONSHIP SO SLOW. BEEN FRIENDS ONLY FOR MONTHS. SPENT MOST OF THE TIME WE KNEW EACH OTHER I WOULD COME UP HERE 1 DAY A WEEK ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS, GIVE HIM ONE OF MY AMAZING MASSAGES, MASSAGE IN WORK ON HIS FEET TO KEEP THEM SOFT, WATCH FOOTBALL OR SPORTS OR WHATEVER FOR A WHILE AND THAT WAS IT. UNTIL A FEW MONTHS AGO THEN AFTER HIS MASSAGE, I FINISHED WITH ONE OF MY TO DIE FOR BLOW JOBS.
THEN WHEN I WAS COLLARED TO SIRTHORTHUNDER HE COMPLETELY RESPECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND WE ONLY SAW EACH OTHER A COUPLE OF TIMES AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUAL REQUEST.

BUT THE DAY MY EX MASTER AND I BROKE UP I CALLED MY NEW MASTER, JUST TO COME AND TALK BECAUSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SO MANY THINGS, AND ONE THING I KNOW I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON IS THIS MANS ADVISE.

WE STARTED SEEING ONE ANOTHER AGAIN JUST AS IT WAS BEFORE, I STILL DONT KNOW HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE ARE TODAY.

BUT I THANK GOT THAT WE ARE. WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO. BUT AT LEAST WE BOTH ARE DEDICATED TO MAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP SOMETHING THAT WILL LAST.

 

BUT ALTHOUGH MY HEART NOW BELONGS TO MY NEW MASTER, THOSE WHO REALLY KNOW ME, KNOW HOW BIG MY HEART IS, AND WHO I REALLY AM. AND THEY KNOW EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MASTER, I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH SIRTHORTHUNDER, AS WELL AS THE MAN I WOULD HAVE KILLED OR DIED FOR, THE ONLY MAN I WOULD HAVE MARRIED. BOSSMARK, MARK VAN STEENIS. MY MERC. AND HIM I HAVENT HEARD FROM IN SO LONG I AM AFRAID HE IS DEAD. BUT THE LOVE I HAVE FOR ALL THREE OF THESE MEN SOMETIMES CONFUSE ME, BREAK MY HEART THAT WE CAN'T EVEN BE FRIENDS IT SEEMS, THAT THEIR PROMISES DON'T MATTER. BUT MOSTLY I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY LESSON THEY TAUGHT ME, FOR HELPING ME FIND MYSELF AND MY WAY AGAIN. AND FOR EVERY MOMENT I WAS BLESSED TO SPEND WITH THEM BOTH.

I PRAY EVERY NIGHT THAT MARK IS STILL ALIVE SOMEWHERE, EITHER ROTATED OUT AND RETIRED AND CHOSE TO GO HOME TO ANOTHER, OR THAT HE IS WITH THE ANGELS, AND WATCHING OVER ME. AND I PRAY EVERY NIGHT FOR JOHN. THAT HE IS HAPPY, THAT WHEN HE DOES THINK OF ME IT IS WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS. AS I DO HIM. AND THAT ONE DAY WE CAN BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

 

TO ALL OF YOU, I KNOW YOU CAN NEVER REALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT I WILL BE MADLY AND COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH YOU ALL MY LIFE. I WISH WE COULD HAVE MADE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE, OR FOUND ONE ANOTHER LONG AGO WHEN WE COULD HAVE BUILT THE LIFE WE DREAMED OF.


10/2/2012 7:22:28 PM
Have you ever totally confused things in your life to the point you are sitting there lost alone at the bottom heartbroken. And ready to give up? ,,, That is where I was until this evening. I began dating this drop dead georgous man here in salt lake randy. Instantly I was attracted, everything about him to me was amazing. But after the first few weeks he acted like he had no interest other than my to die for massages and best blow jobs on earth. Then intended to move to arizona by end of summer. In june I met sir thor thunder. I fell so completely in love and thought of forever with him as in profile we broke up a few weeks ago I thought I would die.. But began coming to visit randy again. Today he just asked me to move in with him and move to arizona together and buy a house together in january. We have only ,REALLY INTENSELY PLAYED ONCE and STILL HAVE WAITED TO HAVE INTERCOURSE.. AND THE MAN I THOUGHT WAS FOREVER I GAVE EVERYTHING TO IMMEDIATELY. LASTED 4 months. The one I took 6 months getting close and taking out time may be the one I AM MEANT TO BE WITH

9/30/2012 3:44:50 AM

Spirit in The Wasteland

In the flesh, I feel the magic

In your honest arms, I can taste the truth

In your eyes, I come home again

I watch the lines dissolve between me and you

If only for a moment, until it comes round again

I stand here at the edge, with my heart wide open

The sun breaks through my best defenses

But I can’t help but sing when I see you coming

 

I spent the warmth of my spirit in the wasteland

Until the wasteland blossomed

And the water ran over these dry bones

 

I died a thousand times on the cross of loneliness

I burned my weary feet on the stones of separation

In the circle of your arms I found redemption

And I know these feelings, like the leaves upon the trees

In their own sweet time will fall and cover me

But I will kiss the ground that holds these memories

 

I spent the warmth of my spirit in the wasteland

Until the wasteland blossomed

And the water ran over these dry bones

And the water ran over these dry bones

 

If only for a moment, until it comes round again

I stand here at the edge, with my heart wide open

 

Rumors of the Big Wave

Dedicated to my sweetest love

And dearest friend Sir Thor Thunder\


9/20/2012 4:02:27 AM
My previous Master SirWildchange is a wonderful and amazing man who has changed my life and my goals in every way and I will forever be in his debt. It was an honor to serve him. I may never understand why we are no longer together but I will forever be grateful for every moment we shared. This man literally saved me, still loves me, and I will never stop loving him. He will always be the man and Master of my dreams. I will always kneel at his feet if he but calls. The pain of being released may never go away but the anger is gone. I do know that whatever the reason is that he let me go must have been a big one for him to set free the angel he searched for all his life. But ALL I WANT IS MY SIR AND DADDY BACK AS I LAY IN THIS HOSPITAL BED FOR THIS NEXT WEEK. OK I WILL ALWAYS WANT HIM BACK. BUT AS I WAS LAYING HERE SCARED TO DEATH I TEXT HIM AND ASKED TO CALL LATER FOR JUST A MINUTE TO HEAR HIS VOICE AND FEEL SAFE AND TWO MINUTES LATER I HEARD THAT SEXY VOICE THAT HAS ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL STRONGER AND SAFE FROM ALL THE WORLD. ANY WOMAN HE COLLARS IN THE FUTURE BE HONORED FOR EVERY MOMENT YOU SPEND TOGETHER AND YOU BETTER SERVE HIM AS WELL AS I DID OR YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO ME

9/13/2012 5:56:38 PM

I do not understand this time. How two people could meet fall in love at first sight, and be so completely mentally in sync and connected, have there be so many undeniable signs in nature magic and the world that he and i are supposed to be together and yet we could not make us work. he was everything i have waited all of my life for, and he claims, so i must believe, that he has searched all of his life for me, yet still why do i feel like i have been used and played in the most cruel of ways? Assholes and abusers i get, i am used to that. i will never allow myself to be with one again but i understand their motives. How can a man who in so many ways is a very wonderful man, a man i know with all my heart would kill to protect me, but his cruelty was far worse. He tore down walls i had built in my childhood. i let him in, for the first time since my attack in 2004 i trusted a man completely. And the moment i fall completely in love with him, find myself forever devoted, not just words, or body or commitment, but with my life and for the first time in longer than i can remember dared to give any human being my whole heart. And it feels like the minute i do, his greatest victory is finding ways to get me to the point i am completely?defenseless?and vulnerable to him and him only then strip it all away, leaving me here terrified, alone, confused, and so heart broken if it were not for the most beautiful grandson on this earth and 5 children that though they are grown who still need their mother, i would honestly want to die.?


it has been such a long time before i have ever let anyone in as i did him, since 2004 since i have trusted any man. LESSON LEARNED. IT WILL BE A LONG LONG LONG TIME BEFORE I EVER DO AGAIN


so why is it that i know with all my heart that if he were to walk in the door even years from now and tell me he wants me back i would be his no questions. does that part go away in time? please tell me it does. i dont know if i could be strong enough to survive two broken hearts from this man.


SIRTHORTHUNDER AKA SIRWILDCHANGE. although he and I didn't work he is a wonderful and amazing man and Master and I am grateful for every moment I was his sweet little baby girl. I will forever kneel at his feet and serve him with pride and honor if he but calls.


9/8/2012 5:45:39 PM
Facing the biggest fear of my life right now . It began by talking to the man who tried to kill me in 2004 daddy promised he would be there when I saw him face to face but that won't happen so once more on my own

8/28/2012 12:00:51 AM

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
 
For my Daddy and Master Sir thor thunder aka Sirwildchange. i will love you forever.

8/27/2012 6:43:02 AM
Life is a game. Women are the pieces and men are all players

8/10/2012 5:05:23 PM

"S.E.X."

[Verse 1]
"No" is a dirty word,
Never gonna say it first,
"No" is just a thought that never crosses my mind.
Maybe in the parking lot,
Better bring your friend along,
Better off together than just one at a time.

[Chorus]
S is for the simple need.
E is for the ecstasy.
X is just to mark the spot,
Because that's the one you really want.
(Yes!) Sex is always the answer, it's never a question,
'Cause the answer's yes, oh the answers (Yes)
Not just a suggestion, if you ask the question,
Then it's always yes. Yeah!

[Verse 2]
I'm loving what you wanna wear,
I wonder what's up under there?
Wonder if I'll ever have it under my tongue?
I'd love to try to set you free,
All of you all over me.
Love hearin' the sound you make the second you're done.

[Chorus]
S is for the simple need.
E is for the ecstasy.
X is just to mark the spot,
Because that's the one you really want.
(Yes!) Sex is always the answer, it's never a question,
'Cause the answer's yes, oh the answers (Yes).
Not just a suggestion, if you ask the question,
Then it's always yes. Yeah! (YES)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Chorus]
S is for the simple need.
E is for the ecstasy.
X is just to mark the spot,
Because that's the one you really want.
(Yes!) Sex is always the answer, it's never a question,
'Cause the answer's yes, oh the answer's (Yes).
Not just a suggestion, if you ask the question,
Then it's always yes. Yeah! (YES)
(Yes!) Sex is always the answer, it's never a question,
'Cause the answer's yes, oh the answer's (Yes).
Not just a suggestion, if you ask the question,
Then it's always yes. Yeah! (YES)
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

YES!

8/9/2012 1:18:30 AM
OH GOD WHAT IF I AM STILL IN THAT HELL I WAS LIVING IN BEFORE I MET HIM AND THIS IS ONLY A DREAM OR WORSE IF I HAD ONE OF THE SEIZURES MY DR WARNED ME ABOUT AND THE MAN MASTER AND DADDY IS ONLY A DREAM? I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS MAN THIS MASTER THIS LOVE MY ENTIRE LIFE . IF THIS IS A DREAM I NEVER WANT TO WAKE. IF HE EVER LEAVES IF I EVER AM ABLE TO PICK UP THE PIECES OF MY HEART I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD EVER TRUST ANYONE ELSE WITH IT AGAIN. I WOULD LIVE SOLELY FOR MY FAMILY.

8/9/2012 12:38:42 AM

August 6th was my 46th birthday. i haven't had a good birthday in over 20 yrs. and i mean that literally. for the very first time i was treated absolutely amazing by my Daddy/Master, Sir John. It started out with him going all over town searching for my favorite flowers. Fire and ice roses or white roses and finally found out you have to order them in. So Daddy showed up with 2 dozen red and pink roses, in a beautiful vase, a bouquet of balloons and the most amazing card. Left work early and took me home. To my favorite canyon on earth, big cottonwood canyon. Instinctively stopped at the exact favorite spot of mine without ever being told. I was out of the car and sandals off running to big cottonwood creek barefoot, dress off sunglasses off all thrown in a line on the way to the creek and in the water in only a bra before he could even get out of the car. and he thought it would be easy to catch me. Any other time any other place he would be right. we played in the water saw miracles. then finally got done there and dressed and went all the way to the top. then when we came down the sunset was so amazing. a ball of fire with the smoke cloud from the forest fires making it a deeper blood red. he could have stopped at the flowers. then he took me to the restaurant i have always wanted to go to had the most amazing dinner. then took me out camping witch is our thing. we don't like hotels or ostentatious shit and we are working toward finding our own house but haven't found what we are looking for yet so that is our heaven. We played for hours, i most definitely got my birthday spankings and i love more than anything to submit to him. And we fit so perfectly together in EVERY way. A QUICKY  for us is 3 or 4 hours. and TWICE. i was filled with his cum twice. we watched the moon rise over the great salt lake and its mountains. held each other exactly as a Daddy and little baby girl should,l in the crook of his arm with his head above mine. Woke up and ONCE MORE i pleased my Daddy. Then we headed home, just as the sun rose over my favorite Wasatch mountains, the same ones we had seen the sunset from. 

OTHER THAN THE BIRTH OF MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN, AND THE DAY I MET HIM, BY FAR NOT ONLY THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE...IT WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. HE LOVES ME SO MUCH AND I AM SO IN LOVE FOR MAYBE THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS. THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER LEAVE MY DADDY IS IF HE WERE TO SEND ME AWAY...AND HE HAS SEARCHED FOR ME ALL HIS LIFE AND RIGHT NOW I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.....I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED WITH ANY MAN IN MY LIFE AM LOST IN HIS EYES...AND HE CALLS ME MASTERS FIRE EYES OR HIS NYMPH WHEN I AM NOT HIS LITTLE BABY GIRL...IS THIS A DREAM? IS IT HEAVEN? ALL I KNOW IS IF IT WERE TO EVER END, I WILL BE THANKFUL FOR EVERY MOMENT EVERY MEMORY AND GETTING ME HEALTHY AGAIN, BEING THE FORCE OF CHANGE AND THOUGHT IN MY LIFE TO LIVE IT TO ITS FULLEST. DADDY I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, THANK YOU MORE THAN LIFE, AND AM YOURS FOREVER WITH ALL MY SOUL. 


7/29/2012 9:54:34 PM
I am committed in a life time relationship to sirwildchange. Whom I love with all my heart please know that before emailing me. We are searching for female slaves or submissive to join a poly family and willing to relocate to salt lake city once them prove themselves worthy by Master.

7/26/2012 1:50:02 AM

WAS COLLARED 6/13/2012 BY SIRWILDCHANGE

NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A MASTER

HOWEVER WE ARE SEARCHING FOR A SISTER SLAVE 

OR FEMALE PLAYMATES. IF INTERESTED 

PLEASE CONTACT EITHER ONE OF US


7/15/2012 1:02:51 AM

A FLOWER CAN'T SAY LOVE...BUT A ROSE DID

A PLANT CAN'T SURVIVE THIRST...BUT A CACTUS DID

AND A DUMMY CAN'T READ....BUT LOOK AT YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!


5/11/2012 11:06:32 PM

TODAY, MAY 11TH 2012 AT 4:22 PM MY GRANDSON WAS BORN 5 LBS 13.8 OZ 19 INCHES LONG. WHEN IT COMES TO SURREAL, AND PUTTING IT ALL IN PERSPECTIVE WATCHING MY DAUGHTER GIVE BIRTH, AND HOLDING THAT LITTLE ANGEL IN MY ARMS AND KNOWING HE IS COMING HOME TO LIVE WITH ME FOR NOW, ITS GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE TO MAKE ME LEAVE THIS PLACE.


3/29/2012 1:22:18 AM

IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING STUPID WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG... YOU WON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE OLD


3/25/2012 5:20:03 PM

IN BEAUTIFUL LOVING MEMORY OF ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS. LEEANN LINCOLN, (AKA...LEEANNL ON THIS SITE) TODAY, MARCH 25,1012 AT 6:00 P.M. CENTRAL TIME THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE OF AN AMAZING CAME TO A PREMATURE END. AFTER AN 8 YEAR FIGHT WITH PANCREATIC CANCER

"Angels On The Moon"

Do you dream that the world will know your name?
So tell me your name
Do you care about all the little things 
or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside
I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying
'Cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first
Of the rest of your life?

Don't tell me if I'm dying
'Cuase I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun 
Maybe I should go
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know
Never leaves too soon.

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us
To all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying
'Cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun
Maybe I should go
Don't wake me 'cause I'm dreaming 
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts
About the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to
When no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends
'Cause I just don't wanna know
No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying



3/24/2012 6:32:28 PM

I HAVE THE HEART OF A LION...

AND A LIFETIME BAN FROM THE ZOO


3/21/2012 11:25:19 PM

NEVER GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU SEE YOUR EX WITH SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE OUR PARENTS TAUGHT US TO GIVE OUR USED TOYS TO THE LESS FORTUNATE


3/21/2012 4:39:52 PM

"Savin' Me"

Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

[Chorus:]
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
Say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

[Chorus]

Hurry I'm fallin'

All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

[Chorus]

Hurry I'm fallin'


3/21/2012 2:04:56 AM

Thank you warning label.. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.


3/18/2012 4:42:30 PM

Looking for a room for rent in the salt lake area as soon as possible. please contact me if you know of anything


3/17/2012 1:49:54 PM

ERIN GO BRAGH!!! AND HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY TO ALL!!!


3/17/2012 12:39:41 AM
My name's Duncan Campbell from the shire of Argyll

I've travelled this country for many's the mile
I've travelled through Ireland, Scotland and a'
And the name I go under's bold Erin-go-bragh
One night in Auld Reekie

 as I walked down the street
A saucy big polis I chanced for to meet
He glowered in my face and he gi'ed me some jaw
Sayin' "When cam' ye over, bold Erin-go-bragh?"

 


3/5/2012 8:04:46 PM

I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
You lock me up inside your dirty cage
Well I'm alone inside my mind

I'd like to teach you all the rules
I'd get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
But then your secrets never shone

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's there even you and me?

I love the way you rake my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
Cause I'm that guy you'll never find

I think you know all of the rules
There's no expressions on your face
I'm hope that some day you will let me go
Release me from my dirty cage

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's there even you and me?

[Repeat: x4]
I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ***
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's there even you and me


2/22/2012 10:21:06 AM

GOING TO BE IN VEGAS THIS WEEKEND FOR MY DISABILITY EVALUATIONS.  PLEASE CONTACT ME IF INTERESTED IN MEETING.


2/10/2012 2:36:04 AM
Happy birthday Clinton garret. I miss you so much. 12 years and I still celebrate in your honor

2/6/2012 6:54:20 PM

where to even begin? where to end? when to run? what to fight for? what to live for? who to trust? who to help? where to turn? when is enough? to much?


1/3/2012 4:19:19 PM

When We Stand Together lyrics

One more depending on a prayer
And we all look away
People pretending everywhere
It's just another day

There's bullets flying through the air
And they still carry on
We watch it happen over there
And then just turn it off

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
We must stand together
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
There's no giving in
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
Hand in hand forever
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win
That's, that's, that's when we all win

They tell us everything's all right
And we just go along
How can we fall asleep at night
When something's clearly wrong
When we could feed a starving world
With what we throw away
But all we serve are empty words
That always taste the same

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
We must stand together

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
There's no giving in
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
Hand in hand forever
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win

The right thing to guide us
Is right here inside us
No one can divide us
When the light is nearly gone

But just like a heartbeat
The drum beat carries on
And the drum beat carries on
Just like a heartbeat

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
We must stand together
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
There's no giving in
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
Hand in hand forever
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win
That's, that's, that's when we all win


12/31/2011 9:19:24 PM

Just a girl born in Dixie, washed in the blood
And raised on the banks of the Mississippi mud
She always had a thing about fallin' in love with a bad boy

Yeah, they could see it all comin' but her daddy never dreamed
She'd grow up that fast, you know what I mean
The way a girl gets when she turns seventeen, kinda crazy

She's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter
She was baptized in dirty water
Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me
They knew they couldn't stop her

She holds tight, me and the Bible
On the back seat of my motorcycle
Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see
God love her
Oh, me and God love her!

She kissed her mama goodbye, said I'll be sure 'n phone ya
She called her from a truck stop in Tucson Arizona
With Amazing Grace, we made California line
And then my gypsy life started takin' its toll
And the fast lane got empty and out of control
And just like an angel she saved my soul from the devil

Yeah, she's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter
She was baptized in dirty water
Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me
They knew they couldn't stop her

She holds tight, me and the Bible
On the back seat of my motorcycle
Left her daddy standin' there, preachin' to the choir, you see
God love her
Oh, me and God love her!

Now she holds tight to me and the Bible
On the back seat of my motorcycle
Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see
God love her
Oh, me and God love her!

God love her Me and God love her


12/31/2011 7:19:54 PM

THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL WHO HAD A LITTLE CURL RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FOREHEAD. AND WHEN SHE WAS GOOD SHE WAS VERY VERY GOOD...BUT WHEN SHE WAS BAD SHE WAS HORRID!!!


12/31/2011 6:14:45 PM

IT AIN'T PRETTY BEIN' EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


12/24/2011 1:58:31 PM

In the cool of the evening they used to gather 

Neath the stars in the middle circling an old oak tree

At the times appointed by the seasons 

Of the earth and the phases of the moon

In the center stood a woman, 

Equal with the others but respected for her worth

One of the many we call the witches

The healers and the teachers of the wisdom of the earth

And the people grew from the knowledge she gave them

Herbs to heal their bodies, spells to make their spirits whole

Can't you hear them chanting healing incantations

Calling for the wise ones celebrating in Dance and song

 

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

 

There were those who came to power through domination

And they bonded with the worship of a dead man on a cross

They sought control of the common people 

By demanding allegiance to the church of Rome

And the Pope declared an inquisition

It was war against the women whose power they feared

In this holocaust against the nature people nine million European women died

And the tale is told to those who by the hundreds

Holding together chose their death in the sea

While chanting the praises of the mother Goddess

A refusal of betrayal women were dying to be free

 

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

 

Now the Earth is a witch
And the men still burn her

Stripping her down with mining and the poisons of their wars

But to us the Earth is a healer, a teacher, a mother

A weaver of a web of life that keeps us all alive

She gives us the vision to see through the chaos

She gives us the courage, IT IS OUR WILL TO SURVIVE

 

 

 

 


12/23/2011 2:32:42 PM

"I'd Come For You"

Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm pleading
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it

I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to

And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you


12/20/2011 3:39:11 PM

-"I Alone"
it's easier not to be wise and measure these things by your brains

I sank into Eden with you alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here, save your eyes you'll need them, your boat is at sea
your anchor is up, you've been swept away 

and the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate
I alone love you I alone tempt you
I alone love you fear is not the end of this!
it's easier not to be great and measure these things by your eyes
we long to be here by his resolve alone in the church by and by
to cradle the baby in space and leave you there by yourself chained to fate
I alone love you I alone tempt you
I alone love you fear is not the end of this!
oh, now, we took it back too far, only love can save us now,
all these riddles that you burn all come runnin' back to you,
all these rhythms that you hide only love can save us now,
all these riddles that you burn yeah, yeah, yeah

I alone love you I alone tempt you
I alone love you fear is not the end of this!

 


12/17/2011 10:34:10 PM

"Return To Innocence"

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion 
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion 
Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence 
If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny 
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence 
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence 
Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.
If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.


12/14/2011 3:32:42 AM

"Over You"

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.


12/13/2011 4:49:59 AM

SANTA IS JOLLY CUZ HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE!!!!!


12/13/2011 4:20:41 AM

Yet another one of my longest and dearest friends passed away friday morning 12/9/2011 Ferris Patton. In the past 2 years i have lost over 11 friends and lovers. Too many lost. This one was one of the best of us. Navy Seal served our country courageously, Honorably, and proudly. One of the most amazing men i have ever known.  

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
Oh But baby most of all

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright

I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend


12/7/2011 2:57:37 AM

Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And now maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around they watch your crumble
As you falter to the ground
And then someday
Your friends they stand beside as you were flying
Oh you were flying oh so high

But them someday people look at you for what they call their own
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hear you calling home
But then some day we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
But you left me far behind

Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain

No, no, no
Couldn't share the pain, they watch you suffer

Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes
But I live with what I've known
And then maybe we might share in something great
But won't you look at where we've grown
Won't you look at where we've gone
But then someday comes tomorrow holds a sense of what I feel for you in my mind
As you trip the final line
And that cold day when you lost control
Shame you left my life so soon you should have told me
But you left me far behind

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
No, no, no

Oh no
Oh no no no no
Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
I said times have changed your friends
They come and watch you crumble to the ground
They watch you suffer
Yeah, they hold you down
Hold you down
Now maybe brother, maybe love
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But you left me far behind
Left me far behind
Left me far
Behind


12/4/2011 2:42:23 AM

moved. finally home. thank god


11/29/2011 9:50:37 AM
Moving postponed by a few days. Got really sick again. Have to go back to hospital to make sure I don't have a repeat of last time. I'm not strong enough to survive renal failure and another heart attack so soon. All I want to do in the whole world right now is go home finally everything is ready for that to happen then I get sick again. I did so good all last week. One week here and I need to go back. I just want this part of my life to be over and move forward a Gain.

11/27/2011 8:13:48 PM

moving back to Salt Lake Tuesday.


11/24/2011 3:07:04 PM

 I confess that as a young girl I loved a man who would not marry me for want of a dowry. I confess I had a mother who taught me a different way, one I resisted at first but learned to embrace. I confess I became a courtesan, traded yearning for power, welcomed many rather than be owned by one. I confess I embraced a whore's freedom over a wife's obedience. I confess I find more ecstacy in passion than in prayer. Such passion is prayer. I confess I pray still to feel the touch of my lover's lips. His hands upon me, his arms enfolding me... Such surrender has been mine. I confess I pray still to be filled and enflamed. To melt into the dream of us, beyond this troubled place, to where we are not even ourselves. To know that always, this is mine. If this had not been mine-if I had lived any other way-a child to her husband's will, my soul hardened from lack of touch and lack of love... I confess such endless days and nights would be a punishment far greater than you could ever mete out. You, all of you, you who hunger so for what I give yet cannot bear to see that kind of power in a woman. You call God's greatest gift-ourselves, our yearning, our need to love-you call it filth and sin and heresy... I repent there was no other way open to me. I do not repent my life. 


11/12/2011 12:50:28 AM

"When I Look To The Sky"

[Verse 1]
When it rains it pours and opens doors
And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry
And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love
That have to say goodbye 

[Chorus:]
And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go 

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright 
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here 

[Verse 2]
And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day
And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before
And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss
And pick you up in all of this when I sail away 

[Chorus:]
And as I float along this ocean
I can feel you like a notion that I hope will never leave

[Verse 3]
Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead
Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly
But with you I can spread my wings
to see me over everything that life may send me 
When I am hoping it won't pass me by 

And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me
there you are to show me

Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright 
And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here [X2]


11/8/2011 1:44:16 AM

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
Oh, but baby most of all, I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
And I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright, I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend

I miss those times, I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up, the morning talks
And those late afternoon walks, I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend
I miss my friend, I miss my friend, mmm, I miss my friend


11/6/2011 9:21:08 PM

I AM GOING TO BE A GRAND MOTHER TWICE.MY OLDEST SONS FIANCE IS ALSO EXPECTING, DUE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME DAY AS MY DAUGHTER. LETS SEE IF WE CAN GET THEM IN THE HOSPITAL AT THE SAME TIME!!!! DOUBLE THE MIRACLES IN MY LIFE!!!


10/24/2011 9:30:38 PM

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...


10/17/2011 4:57:53 AM

official ruling by my Master

although i am only able to play sexually at this time,

It has been officially commanded i am NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY

OR DATE IN ANY MANNER UNTIL I HAVE MY NEUROSURGERY ON MY NECK AND HAVE OFFICIALLY COMPLETELY RECOVERED

I AM FIGHTING MEDICAID TO AUTHORIZE MY SURGERY, IF APPROVED I WILL HAVE MY SURGERY BY THE END OF OCTOBER, THEN IT TAKES APPROXIMATELY 2 MONTHS TO FULLY RECOVER. SO ANY AND ALL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN PLAY OR DATING, ETC. IT CAN NOT HAPPEN UNTIL THE END OF DECEMBER. SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND TIME GETTING TO KNOW ME, AND BE FRIENDS, ETC. UNTIL THAT TIME, I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO BE FRIENDS AND CHAT. IF YOU CANNOT OR WILL NOT WAIT THAT LONG I AM SORRY. BUT I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS SURGERY, FOUGHT AND GONE THROUGH HELL FOR THIS SURGERY FOR 2 YEARS NOW, IT IS VITAL I GET IT AND IT ALL GOES WELL. THOSE WHO ARE MY FRIENDS KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS/ IF THIS WORKS IT COULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER.

 


10/12/2011 1:08:05 AM

One of the greatest blessings i have known in this life is love. the love i have been given and the love i have given others. Only one other man has ever made me love him the way Mark does. i am powerless. There is nothing i could ever refuse him. I have been blessed and cursed by love in my life. This time it is truly a blessing. Never before have i felt like i am loved, respected, understood. Never before have i felt like the man i love is like the other side of me. The yin to my yang. 


10/5/2011 5:42:53 PM

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


10/3/2011 6:29:48 PM

i must become fearless. i must become the empty sky, nothing left to accept, nothing let to reject. i am not a commodity to be used or sold. I am here to grow, to attain enlightenment. I will not give up the fight. i will not let go of the string of light and life that binds me tto all that i love to all that love me.

 

Clint,Richard, i will be along when it is my time, until that time i will fight for what is mine, for what i deserve, what i have spent a lifetime learning, growing, traveling between heaven and hell to find. I will be loved, i will find happiness and bliss. it is my birthright. and will not give up until it is mine.


10/3/2011 3:53:40 PM

One of the greatest loves of my life and one of my best friends on this earth Richard keith Kresser has passed away. He sleeps with the angels now. I wonder if he is the one who is calling me home. 

Right now i wonder why i keep fighting. i need a neurosurgery on my neck that could either change my life or kill me. i havehad congestive heart failure three times since coming to vegas. a heart attack two weeks ago. but i keep fighting. Because my children need their mommy even though they are grown, i have a grandson I want to see and hold just once before i die, a man i love with all my heart and soul that i am determined to be with, share a beautiful life and love with before i die. A Master that i serve that wants me and wants to share me with Mark when he comes home from Libya. Though i wonder if that will happen.

But if it is God that keeps calling me home with all of these health problems that have just happened since june, why do i keep fighting?


10/2/2011 6:23:13 PM

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say
One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
carry each other
carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
See we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love is a higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't keep holding on
To what you got
When all you've got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters, brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One...
One...

extended version 

Can You hear us coming Lord 
Can You hear us call 
Feel us knocking 
We're knocking at Your door

 


9/11/2011 8:05:20 PM

i dedicate myself to being the best slave i possibly can for this family and this Master. Until the day my beloved comes home from war.


9/9/2011 12:30:18 PM

things here are not well at all. these women are so negative and horrible to me. Master is giving me the chance to try to get along with them or i am gone next week. so if you are interested contact me. i would prefer to remain in the las vegas area as my neurosurgeon is here and i am in the process of getting nevada medicaid. please contact if interested.


9/3/2011 12:20:50 AM

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes, the confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the door

Lightning crashes, an old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes, the confusion that was hers
Belongs now, to the baby down the hall

Oh now feel it comin' back again
Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
This moment she's been waiting for
The angels open her eyes, pale blue colored iris
Presents the sun and puts th glory out to hide, hide

Oh, now feel it comin' back again
Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it


8/24/2011 12:19:16 AM

For the first time in so long i feel i am lost. Have no clue what i am doing. I have never been in such an unstable environment before in my life. 


8/22/2011 11:08:21 PM

Quiero ser tu heroe 

Si una vez yo pudiera llegar 
a erizar de frio tu piel 
a quemar que se yo, tu boca 
y morirme alli despues 
Y si entonces 
temblaras por mi 
lloraras al verme sufrir 
ay sin dudar tu vida entera dar 
como yo la doy por ti. 

Si pudiera ser tu heroe 
Si pudiera ser tu Dios 
que salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion. 

Si supieras 
la locura que llevo 
que me hiere 
y me mata por dentro 
y que mas da 
mira que al final 
lo que importa es que te quiero 

Si pudiera ser tu heroe 
Si pudiera ser tu Dios 
que salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion 

Ahaa...... 

dejame tocarte, quiero acariciarte 
una vez mas, mira que al final 
lo que importa es que te quiero 

Si pudiera ser tu heroe 
Si pudiera ser tu Dios 
que salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion 

Quiero ser tu heroe 
si pudiera ser tu Dios 
porque salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion 
puede ser mi salvacion 


8/19/2011 11:49:04 PM

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
That I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
Like I've never felt with anyone else

I wanna give back what you've givin' to me
And I wanna witness all of your dreams
Now that you've shown me who I really am
I wanna be more then just your man

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see
And when it gets dark you can reach out for me
I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts
And I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...
I wanna be your everything


8/18/2011 1:47:07 AM

BRAND NEW PICS ON PROFILE. TAKEN TODAY ALL


8/16/2011 12:44:34 AM

Clinton Karl Garrett, I love you still and always. I summon thee. To my dreams and my side. Guide me on this journey i am about to take. Tell me i have made the right choice with this man. Give me the courage, now more than ever to see what is truly in my heart and follow it, commit to it, live by that commitment. And NEVER regret it. And above all, help me be a good mother, though they are grown.

I know when i finally join you in heaven we will sit and have a long talk over all of this mess i have made since you left this world. My love, my teacher, my angel and devil. You taught me about love, life, friendship, and magic above all magic.

I still wear your ashes around my neck. As i swore the day you died. Until the day i join you.

Clinton Karl Garrett February 9, 1971 to May 15, 2000. Be at peace my angel. I will be along shortly. 

 

He was the wizard of a thousand kings
and a chance to meet him one night wondering.
He told me tales and he drank my wine.
Me and my magic man kinda feeling fine.
He had a cloak of gold and eyes of fire.
And as he spoke I felt a deep desire
to free the world of its fear and pain
and help the people to feel free again.
Why don't we listen to the voices in our hearts?
Cause then I know we'll find we're not so far apart.
Everybody's got to be happy, everyone should see.
For we know the joy of life and peace that love can bring.
So spoke the wizard in his mountain home.
The vision of his wisdom means we'll never be alone.
And I will dream of my magic night
and the million silver stars that guide me with their light.

 


8/14/2011 10:58:56 PM

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!! SMILE SOMEONE LOVES YOU!!!


8/12/2011 11:29:15 PM

"Beautiful Soul"

[Intro:]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

[Chorus:]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon let's try

[Chorus]

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do?
I just wanna know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

[Chorus]

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste

I want you and your soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Ooooooo
Beautiful Soul, yeah
Oooooo, yeah
Your beautiful soul
Yeah 


8/10/2011 9:08:58 PM

"Life After You"

Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know
Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
A've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wasting my time
Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
A've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
A've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you 

 




8/10/2011 1:52:54 PM

"Something In Your Mouth"

Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
They say its over budget but you'd pay her just to touch it come on
Needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
If hollywood had called her she'd be gone before ya hollered come on

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long
Doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

Crafty little lip tricks
Tattoos on her left hip
She bending as your spending
Theres no end to it so baby come on
Dressed up like a princess
Bettin' that her skin smells better
Than the scent of every flower in the desert come on

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
Doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

She loves the night scene bar queen
Living for the fun taking over every dance floor like shes the only one
In the spotlight all night dissing everyone
And trying to look so innocent while sucking on her thumb

Your so much cooler
When you never pull it out
So much cuter
With something in your mouth

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake that ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your 


8/10/2011 1:01:46 AM


"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go 


8/10/2011 12:20:27 AM

"Rockstar"

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
lip sync 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar 


8/10/2011 12:15:44 AM

to find happiness, i would walk to the ends of the earth, sacrifice all i am all i have all i will ever be. To find the Master that truly understands a girls heart, who can hold it in his hands so carefully and never let it break. to understand one another to be able to see the same dream, to be able to compliment one anothers energies, the give and take to be able to dance between the darkness and the light. between heaven and hell. to find balance between his dominance and my submission. to find laughter and love and light.


8/9/2011 3:25:06 PM

why is it just when i am ready to settle, yet again, someone amazing walks into my life with such a casual unassuming manner. And he turns out to be someone i could give my life, my submission, my heart to? Someone who just thinking about him makes me fly? finally find that absolute true alpha dominant Male. how is it that i can be so enamored with a man like this at this point in my life? 


8/3/2011 9:30:51 AM

And I would do anything for love I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love I'd never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, Oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that No, I won't do that

Anything for love Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire Some nights you're carved in ice
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no-one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning As long as the stars are burning
As long dreams are coming true You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love And I'l be there until the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact
But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight
I would do anything for love Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that No, I won't do that

I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that

Some days I pray for silence Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll
Some nights I lose the feeling Some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely, that's all I'm qualified to be
That's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning As long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love And you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you. So long, so long
I would do anything for love Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that No, no, no, I won't do...

I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do...

But I'll never stop dreaming of you ev'ry night of my life, no way
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that


Will you raise me up? will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

I can do that
I can do that


Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colourise my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that


Will you make me some magic with your own two hands?
Will you build and emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

I can do that
I can do that


Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that


After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

I won't do that
I won't do that


I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
Sooner or later you'll be screwing around

I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

 


6/4/2011 1:26:52 PM

looking at all my options. thank you all for your interest. you should know a few things. first, before i consider relocation i am in the process of having neurosurgery on my neck and will take 2 months to recover before i can relocate. i also have bad knees so i cannot kneel for long periods of time


5/31/2011 3:38:43 PM

Things did not work out with Master Allen. We still live together and he takes care of me but it has become strictly a domestic situation. i am searching again for the real thing. Total domination and use.


12/1/2010 4:43:45 PM

As the day grows nearer for my branding i find that i am excited more than afraid of such intense pain. i cant wait for this experience and mark forever on my body for my Master.

A wedding ring can be taken off.

A collar unlocked and removed.

A marriage certificate errased by divorce

A tattoo removed or covered up.
But a brand is his mark on my body for the rest of my life. it cannot be altered or removed. Making the commitment between us mean more than any other.

I long for that pain, cleansing my body. For the tears that cleanse my soul.


11/28/2010 1:57:08 PM

The day after yule i am to be branded with Masters initials into my bottom. It is an honor to receive such a mark of ownership. Does anyone know about the aftercare and healing procedures for strike brands?


11/2/2010 12:31:18 PM

Now living with Master Allen in Salt Lake City, Utah. Life is wonderful so far. This is everything i have ever dreamed it could be. He is wonderful, loving, strict, yet kind. Thank you to everyone on here who has become my friend over the last year. I will try to keep in touch when i can get to the computer.
I am being branded with his initial on my bottom on yule. I am so happy.


10/7/2010 12:59:08 PM

Sorry i have not written a journal entry in a month. But my computer was down until last night.
Everything in my entire life has changed drastically. Sometimes it doesnt seem like it. But i know it is for the better. The judge finally got tired of my troubled son defying his court orders and refusing to attend outpatient treatment. So he was taken into states custody indefinately. Not because i failed as a parent but because of my sons refusal to obey the laws. He is in a 45 day observation and assessment where the state will decide what he needs and will see to it he has no choice but to comply. After the state is finished with him and he is returned to me he will no longer be living with me. My father is assuming custody until he is 18. I have done it by myself every day since my last Master died 18 months ago and have not done well. So my father is going to see to it he complete school and give him all the things necessary for him to succeed that i cannot.
But since he is now in states custody i no longer get assistance for him and no longer have any means to pay the rent and survive. So i sold the trailer, and am throwing out, selling or giving away literally everything i own except clothes and a couple boxes of personal items. It is completely overwhelming. But i need to do this. Clear out all the junk in my life and start over. Some days its really hard but i have no where to put any of it anyways.
As for my ownership and future living situation. It is something i never dreamed of. Allen the Master in SLC that i met in April that i was so completely sure was Master right, broke up with me shortly after my return here because of my out of control son. Well we have stayed in constant contact and he knows literally everything i have gone through. He called a few weeks ago and told me to sell everything i own and come live with him as his slave forever. He offered me a home, is willing to take care of me in all the ways i need to be, and all i have to do is serve him every day as i do everytime i come to salt lake to be with him. His demands are unlike any other Master ever. First that i focus on my health, physical and mental. get in with all the dr.s i need to esp the things i have had to put off while living alone down here. Continue with my mental health, he knows how much i have been through and knows that will be the key to me being happy. That i volunteer one day a week at like the VA or something. i didnt understand why at first. But he knows that i have shut out the world for the most part and says that i need to become part of it again in a safe way. Noone ever has cared about something like that. esp. not enough to make it a condition of ownership. But the big one is that all of my older children not know where we live. They have all proven over and over that they will always steal from me, manipulate me and abuse me anyway they can. And our home is my safe space. i can still communicate with them when i am able to forgive them for all they have done, and see them at their places but not his. And of course that i serve him like he has never been served by any other slave in his life. Thats the easy part. it is the only way i know how to serve. With all the love in my heart, with respect, completely open and honest in all things. And i make it my goal every day that he is sure that is the happiest man on earth. So i now have until the first week in November to have all my things gone through and gotten rid of. That i keep like 2 boxes of paperwork, pictures, things i cant live without. My clothes, only the shoes i wear all the time, the closet full that i love so much but never wear has already been given away, my huge BDSM, sex toy collection, cuz well thats something i cant live without, my sons things that i am taking to my dads for when he gets out, and my computer. Literally everything else in my house and life goes. Its funny since Master Wolfe died i have fought so hard to not lose everything i own now i realize it wasnt worth the fight.


9/11/2010 9:35:32 AM

In Salt Lake on vacation and to take care of family business. Will be home next thrus. please be patient if you are waiting for an answer to an email. i do not have internet access at the house. I have to go to the library with Master Allens card to use the computer and its a long walk to get here so i only do it every few days. When i get home next thurs. i will be more on top of it then.
Master Frank says he is coming to see me before the end of September. i hope he comes right after i get home. i so want to know if this is the real thing if we are compatable in person like we are online and by phone.


9/11/2010 9:31:57 AM
THE TRUTH
Tell em all I'm on vacation,
Say I went to visit friends,
That you ain't heard or seen from me in quite a while,
When they ask you where I've been,
Tell em I'm out on the west coast where it don't ever rain,
And that I'm probably doing fine,

(Chorus)
Just don't tell em I've gone crazy,
That I'm still strung out over you,
Tell em anything you want to,
Just don't tell em all the truth,
Yeah don't tell em all the truth,

Tell em all I'm out in Vegas,
Blowin' every dollar I ever made,
Tell em that I must be into something bad for me cause,
I sure lost a lot of weight,
Tell em I'm out on the road with some old rock and roll band,
Living like a gypsy king.

(Chorus)

The truth is that I'm asking you to lie,
And we both know that it ain't right,
But if you ever loved me please,
Have some mercy on me,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Tell em anything you want to,
Just don't tell em all the truth,
Yeah don't tell em all the truth,
I still need you,
Yeah that's the truth,
I still love you,
Baby that's the truth.

9/5/2010 11:01:34 PM
The thought of anal fisting terrifies me. Every Dom i have talked to demands it of his slave or in order to be his slave. I am not sure i can do this. this is one of the only things i havent tried yet. i am willing to try but i dont know if it is something i will do more than once.

9/5/2010 7:47:57 PM
IF THATS WHAT IT TAKES
You're the bravest of hearts, you're the strongest of souls
You're my light in the dark, you're the place I call home
You can say it's all right, but I know that you're breaking up inside
I see it in your eyes
Even you face the night afraid and alone
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes
If that's what it takes

You can sleep in my arms, you don't have to explain
When your heart's crying out, baby, whisper my name
'Cause I've reached out for you when the thunder is crashing up above
You've given me your love
When YOU smile like the sun that shines through the rain
That's why I'll be there

When the storm rises up, when the shadows descend
Ev'ry beat of my heart, ev'ry day without end
I will stand like your rock, I will bend till I break
Till there's no more to give, if that's what it takes
I will risk everything, I will fight, I will bleed
I will lay down my life, if that's what you need
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes

Through the wind and the rain, through the smoke and the fire
When the fear rises up, when the wave's ever higher
I will lay down my heart, my body, my soul
I will hold on all night and never let go
Ev'ry second I live, that's the promise I make
Baby, that's what I'll give, if that's what it takes

If that's what it takes
whatever it takes, whatever it takes
If that's what it takes
whatever, whatever, whatever it takes

8/30/2010 10:21:06 PM
ITS NOT OVER
I was blown away what could I say
It all seemed to make sense
You’ve taken away everything
And I can’t do without
I try to see the good in life
But good things in life are hard to find

(Chorus)
Blow it away, Blow it away
Can we make this something goooood
Well I'll try to do it right this time around
Let’s start oveeerr
I'll try to do it right this time around
It's not oveeerr
There’s a part of me that’s dead and in the ground
This love is killing me, but you’re the only one
It's not overrrrr
(Chorus)

Taken all I could take and I cannot wait
Were wasting to much time
Being strong holding on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won’t give up that easily

(Chorus)
Blow it Away, Blow it Away
Can we make this something gooood
Cause its all misunderstoooood
Well I'll try to do it right this time around
Let’s start over
I'll try to do it right this time around
It’s not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killing me
But you’re the only one
It’s not oveeeerrr
(Chorus)

We can’t let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don’t get caught up in yourself
Let it ouuuuttttt

(Chorus)
Let’s start over
I'll try to do it right this time around
It’s not over
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground
This love is killing me
But you’re the only one
It’s not oveeer
Let’s start oveeeerrr
Its not oveeerr, Oh yeah, yeah!
This love is killing me
But you’re the only one
It’s not oveeerrrr.....

8/30/2010 9:35:03 PM
SEPTEMBER
How the time passed away
All the trouble that we gave
And all those day we spent out by the lake
Has it all gone to waste?
All the promises we made
One by one they vanished just the same

All the things I still remember
Summers never looked the same
Years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
In the middle of September
We still played out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

Now it all seems so clear
There's nothing left to fear
So we made our way by finding what was real
Now the days are so long
That summer's moving on
Reach for something that's already gone

All the things I still remember
Summers never look the same
Years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
In the middle of September
We still played out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

Yeah, We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
We would up here the way we are

We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how

All the things I still remember
Summers never look the same
Years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
In the middle of September
We still played out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been
It was worth it in the end

THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO MASTER ALLEN AND MASTER SCOTT. WITH ALL THE LOVE IN MY HEART. THANK YOU FOR EVERY MOMENT THAT WE HAVE SHARED.

8/29/2010 8:48:43 PM
STUPIFY
Yeah, bringing you another disturbing creation
from the mind of one sick animal who can't tell the difference
and gets stupified

I've been waiting my whole life for just one fuck
And all I needed was just one fuck
How can you say that you don't give a fuck
I find myself stupified, coming back again
All I wanted was just one fuck
One tiny little innocent fuck
And when I feel like I'm shit out of luck
I find myself stupified, coming back again

Why, do you like playing around with
My, narrow scope of reality
I, can feel it all start slipping
I think I'm breaking down

Why, do you like playing around with
My, narrow scope of reality
I, can feel it all start slipping away
See but I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupified
It's all the same you say
Live with it

But I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupified [x2]

All the people in the left wing rock
And all the people in the right wing rock
And all the people in the underground rock
I find myself stupified, coming back again
All the people in the high rise rock
And all the people in the projects rock
And all la gente in the barrio rock
I find myself stupified, coming back again

Why, do you like playing around with
My, narrow scope of reality
I, can feel it all start slipping
I think I'm breaking down

Why, do you like playing around with
My, narrow scope of reality
I, can feel it all start slipping away
See but I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupified
It's all the same you say
Live with it

But I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupified [x2]

[Hebrew:] Tefached
[English translation: "Be scared"]

And don't deny me
No baby now, don't deny me
And darlin' don't be afraid...

But I don't get it
Don't you think maybe we could put it on credit
Don't you think it can take control when I don't let it
I get stupified

Look in my face, step in my soul
I begin to stupify. Ah! [x4]
Look in my face, step in my soul [x4]
Look in my face! [x3]
I begin to stupify! Ah!


8/27/2010 3:44:15 PM
DRIFT AWAY
Day after day, I'm more confused
Yet I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know that's a game that I hate to loose
And I'm feelin' the strain
Ain't it a shame
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Beginnin' to think that I'm wastin' time
I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
Now I'm countin' on you
To carry me through
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Yea, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
And when my mind is free
You know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitar's comin' through
To soothe me
Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm and rhyme and harmony
You help me along
Makin' me strong
Oh, give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
h-ho, ah-no
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Hey, hey, hey, yeah
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock n roll
And drift away
Na, Na, now won't ya
Won't ya take me
Oh-ha, take me

8/27/2010 11:59:41 AM

 

Sympathy For The Devil
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

 I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersberg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
What's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the Gods they made

I shouted out
"Who killed the Kennedys?"
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadors
Who get killed before they reached Bombay

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um baby, get down

Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!

Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, baby guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name


8/27/2010 1:02:48 AM
PATIENCE
(1..2...1,2,3,4)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

8/23/2010 11:25:48 AM
HALO
Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light

I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me back to the ground again

Feels like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
The risk that I'm takin'
I'm never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
Halo, halo

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo
I can feel your halo halo halo
I can see your halo halo halo

8/22/2010 10:37:15 AM
i was in an accident on thurs. so i havent been writing in my journal. so i got a ticket for driving on a suspended lisence. so i have to deal with that before i move to be with Master. its only a 300.00 fine here. but i will need to make payment arrangements before i go. i have to call and make a court date in 14 days. So i will deal with this one step at a time.

8/17/2010 9:21:10 PM
EVERY ROSE HAS ITS THORN
We both lie silently still
In the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together
We feel miles apart inside

Was it somethin' I said or somethin' I did?
Did my words not come out right?
Though I tried not to hurt you
Though I tried but I guess that's why, they say

Every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its, yeah, it does

I listen to my favorite song
Playin' on the radio
Hear the D.J. say
"Love's a game of easy come and easy go"

But I wonder, does he know
Has he ever felt like this?
And I know that you'd be here right now
If I could've let you know somehow

I guess, every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its thorns

Though it's been a while now
I can still feel so much pain
Like the knife that cuts you, the wound heals
But the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved our love that night
If I'd known what to say
Instead of makin' love we both
Made our separate ways

But now, I hear you've found somebody new
And that I never meant that much to you
To hear that tears me up inside
And to see you cuts me like a knife

I guess, every rose has its thorn
Just like every night has its dawn
Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song
Every rose has its


8/16/2010 10:18:00 PM
CONCRETE ANGEL
She walks to school with the lunch she packed
Nobody knows what she's holdin' back
Wearin' the same dress she wore yesterday
She hides the bruises with linen and lace

The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

Somebody cries in the middle of the night
The neighbors hear, but they turn out the lights
A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate
When morning comes it'll be too late

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

A statue stands in a shaded place
An angel girl with an upturned face
A name is written on a polished rock
A broken heart that the world forgot

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved
Concrete angel

8/13/2010 8:43:25 PM
LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
I know there's something in the wake of your smile
I get a notion from the look in your eyes, yeah
you've built a love but that love falls apart
your little piece of heaven turns too dark

listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

sometimes you wonder if this fight is worthwhile
the precious moments are all lost in the tide, yeah
they're swept away and nothing is what is seems
the feeling of belonging to your dreams

listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

and there are voices
that want to be heard
so much to mention
but you can't find the words
the scent of magic
the beauty that's been
when love was wilder than the wind

listen to your heart
when he's calling for you
listen to your heart
there's nothing else you can do
I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

Listen to your heart....mm..mmm

I don't know where you're going
and I don't know why
but listen to your heart
before you tell him goodbye

8/11/2010 4:28:30 PM
Sorry, i haven't been online in a few days. I changed carriers and there was a disruption in my phone and internet service. oh well all over now. So i am searching for work for the first time in 5 years. My Dr. says i can do work search and work up to 30 hours a week. i dont understand why he hasn't let me work in over 4 years why now? i don't understand. So i am searching. If i AM able to go back to work i want to find a good office job. I miss talking to my Master and my sister Sarah. i havent talked to either of them in days. And when i am finally back online neither of them are there. oh well.

8/6/2010 5:55:21 PM
Well today is my birthday and i have had fun today. u taught my daughter how to make a roast and potatoes. We are doing manicures and pedicures tonight.
I am going to Salt Lake tomorrow or one day during the week to play with a Dom and his slave i met here on Collarme. Master is allowing me to play until i come out there to Illinois to be with him permenantly.
And Sarah is coming to spend a long weekend sometime before we go to Illinois to be with Master. She is coming with me if she can get the time off from work. She put in for vacation time today for both the weekend with me and the two weeks with Master.

8/5/2010 6:27:28 PM

SMOOTH
Man, it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
Well, I hear you whispering in the words, to melt everyone
But you stay so cool
My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem, Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove
And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth
And it's just like the ocean under the moon
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah
Give me your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it
But I'll tell you one thing
If you would leave it would be a crying shame
In every breath and every word
I hear your name calling me out
Out from the barrio
You hear my rhythm on your radio
You feel the turning of the world, so soft and slow
Turning you round... and round
And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth
And it's just like the ocean under the moon
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah
Give me your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it
Or else forget about it
Or else forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Give me your heart, make it real
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it!


8/1/2010 2:34:39 PM
"Broken"

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open
And I don't feel like I am strong enough
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away

7/30/2010 3:23:30 PM
IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size

Sayin’ you love but you don’t
You give your love but you won’t

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Seems the road less traveled
Show’s happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That’s what you gotta do

Sayin’ you love but you don’t
You give your love but you won’t
You’re stretching out your arms to something that’s just not there
Sayin’ you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

Sayin’ you love but you don’t
You give your love but you won’t
Sayin’ you love where you stand
Give your heart when you can

If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me

7/27/2010 6:40:15 AM
Master someday i wont be afraid to let you read all the things i write in my notebooks. Things that i will never post in this journal. As you commanded, i will not destroy those notebooks anymore. But i wont let you read them until after we have been together for a year. Maybe the day you have your initials branded into my flesh i will turn over these journals for you to read. Maybe then i will  feel safe enough to let you read the very last of my secrets.

7/25/2010 3:36:20 PM
Today is a good day. My son has been home with me most of the day and on the computer. This one is going to be short. Things are going really well with Master.

7/24/2010 6:39:48 AM
Today i have a horrible ear ache. i woke up this morning and there was blood coming out of it. But i don't have the money until Wed. to go to the Dr. or to get meds. So this entry will be short.

7/22/2010 8:11:02 PM
i am not sure what to do. My son is home and yet never home. He is gone all day, pushes curfew.

7/21/2010 12:48:17 AM
I'm not allowed to tell him i love him every day. I'm not allowed to call him sexy anymore. I don't understand. I'm a very affectionate person and i want my Master to know every day how i feel and how i see him and i'm not allowed because it may make the other slaves feel jealous or something. I don't understand. He should know everyday i am in love with him.

7/20/2010 4:06:28 PM
VOODOO
I'm not the one who's so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don't remember why I came.
Candles raised by desire,
why I'm so far away.
No more meaning to my life,
No more reason to stay.
Freezing, feeling,
Breathe in, breathe in...
I'm coming back again...
I'm not the one who's so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don't remember why I came.
Hazing clouds rain on my head,
Empty thoughts fill my ears.
Find my shade by the moonlight,
why my thoughts aren't so clear.
Demons dreaming,
Breathe in, breathe in...
I'm coming back again...
I'm not the one who's so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don't remember why I came.
I'm not the one who's so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don't remember why I came.
I'm not the one who's so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don't remember why I came.
I'm not the one who's so far away
when I feel the snake bite into my veins.
Never did I wanna be here again,
and I don't remember why I came.
Voodoo, voodoo, voodoo, voodoo,
voodoo, voodoo, voodoo.
So far away...
I'm not the one who's so far away...
I'm not the one who's so far away...
I'm not the one who's so far away...

7/20/2010 4:02:49 PM

My Master is driving me insane. Now i cant call him sexy, cuz other women can't call him that. its so not fair. He is the sexiest man i have ever been with and i am not allowed to call him sexy. What up with that.


7/15/2010 11:03:36 PM

Well, they didn't release my son today from Dt. the judge wants a letter from the REACH program stating that they will take him back. So i went to the program and because of my sons social anxiety they feel group isn't what is best for my son so they are starting him out in individualized counseling and treatment and family treatment, then working to get him ready to return to REACH. So i don't know if the judge will go for that. But they are writing a letter to the judge to state the plan they have for him. Hopefully that will be good enough for the judge to release my son next week when we go back to court.
i need to get this all together and get my son home soon. i know this may be what is best for him, but it is killing me not to have him home with me.
Master used to be able to talk to me about everything. or so i thought. But now he won't open up to me and tell me what is wrong. i dont understand why. i understand he lost trust in me when i attempted suicide and i need to build that trust back. But it is not like i have ever betrayed him in any way to make him not confide in me when something is wrong. Hopefully one day he realsizes he can talk to me about anything. That it is my duty as he slave and as his friend to be there for him and listen. That i would never judge him.


7/14/2010 10:13:42 PM
The pic i have posted on here that says i am the property of Mistress Stacey is an old pic. i am no longer with her and haven't been for several month. Just so it is clear i am the property of Master Scott and to him only.

7/14/2010 10:07:35 PM
oh my Master changed his profile as of today. I am collared to Master Scott, masteroflife39, not Masteranmiss5. just so there is no confusion in my journal entries.

7/10/2010 10:23:29 AM
I told my daughter last night while we were fighting that my life may be harder than most other womens and full of more pain but MOST days i wouldnt change a thing. But there are some days when a nice house, nice car, no finanicial worry or fear, nice clothes all soundd tempting. But then would i truly deserve to be rewarded at the end of my life? I do know that if i have nothing else i have my faith. I may believe in some weird things, but they are MY beliefs not what everyone else thought i shoudl believe in. And my BDSM choices and journey are right for me. For my Master and myself to share. not for everyone else. And i know when i reach ecstacy that is with my entire being and not just meaningless sex ever. and sometimes when i hit subspace i can truly fly vanilla people cant even comprehend what i mean. I may like edge play and pain and my OWN perversions. but i would never trade ANY of it for just another piece of ass. And when i do close my eyes for the last time i can truly say i experienced ALL that life had to offer. And when God asks me if it was all worth it i can look him in the eye with pride and say HELL YES!!! So i may find joy in my slavery and submission that is an ancient way of being a woman. And i can honestly say that every man i ever served knew he was loved, appreciated, cherrished and indeed WORSHIPPED. and they knew complete ecstacy with me. And one more thing i know for sure if i have to live another life after this one i still NEVER want to be a man. except for only a couple of men i have ever met, only women can find complete joy in all the stupid little shit in life. Only we can give birth to our children, only women can find peace in a flower, beauty in pain, and truly be the soft, gentle creatures we were made to be. Men are put on this earth to protect all that is so precious in us. And love us even though they know beyond any doubt we are truly nuts. Men are strong enough to be able to go through all the best of it and the worst alone if they have to, they dont want to either but they are strong enough. Women spend most all of their lives searching for the fairy tale kind of love we sometimes naively believe exists. Most men spend most all their lives trying to experience every beautiful woman they possibly can and women would give it all away just to find the right man. HER man. i know i am strong enough to be a protector but the one thing i either forget to protect or either take the risk anyways is with my heart. Becaus i believe it is worth it just to find love, complete acceptance, truth, honor, respect and the right Master, Man, lover, partner and maybe someday husband. What i want the world and my Master to know is living deep within my heart today and always.

7/10/2010 12:29:11 AM
i have been fighting with my daughter all night about literally everything. And she has come to the decision that i am stupid even though i have an iq of over 140. and i need to stop being so honest with people and all of a sudden she has decided no matter what we are discussing she is right there is no other way to see it and just because i have tried to explain to her a LITTLE about who i am, not what i do so maybe someday she can understand her mothers choices she has decided that the one thing i AM sure of, my lifetyle and being a submissive is completely wrong. That by reading one or two emails or overhearing parts of a few phone conversations that somehow she at barely 22 thinks i need to listen to her about everything and find another vanilla relationship and try to be happy with that. i have tried vanilla relationships and never been truly happy or successful at it. The only time i find true happiness, ecstacy, and myself is in service. And i refuse to try to justify it with her. I never raised my children in the lifestyle. i believe this path isnt for all of us that if we come to it we do it on our own journey. But at the same time she is sure that just because i am a slave that it means that men, Doms, dont respect me or find the same pleasures that i do in this life. I know when i serve whether for a day or if i am lucky enough to find the Master i am supposed to find happiness with is the only time i am truly free to be myself and find inner peace. Maybe i am completely wrong here but i had to get this out of me to another person in the lifestyle who may understand me, because i am not going to waste the time and effort of one more breath trying to get someone who will probably never in her whole life understand me.

7/9/2010 1:35:53 PM
well today is a wonderful day so far. I have just spent the past couple of hours chatting with a soldier in Iraq. I dont care if we ever meet, in my eyes it is an honor to be his friend, penpal, fantasy girl, etc. and to offer him an occassional webcam peep show and good conversation to a good American woman while he is half the world away putting his life at risk for our freedom and our country. For a few months a couple of years ago i was a pen pal for one of the soldiers over there but we lost contact. It made my heart feel good and was an honor to have a man like that spend a couple of hours on the internet with me. I hope i made his day happier while he is doing so much so far from home. I don't know how he found this site, he actually seemed rather vanilla. But it was a refreshing change from SOME of the emails i have received from this site. For the most part it has been an honor to get to know all of the people i have met on this site, and i will spend my life loving one of you someday. I am an eternal optimist i  guess.
It is so hot in this desert called St George, UT that my daughter and i slept almost all day yesterday and last evening and got up late when it was nice and cool and we have the place finally starting to look like home again. I cant do a whole lot at once with my neck and back injuries. but we got it looking better than before i went to the hospital. except for my sons nightmare of a bedroom and he is 15 years old he has to do that himself when he gets out of DT.

7/9/2010 12:13:05 AM
today i am doing much better. have been cleaning house tonight and my meds i think are starting to balance out or something. i felt horrible yesterday and now i am feeling alot better. i understand that if i ever feel that lost and confused i have friends and family that is only one call away.

7/8/2010 11:29:25 AM
today i am feeling really low. tired, the new meds are making me feel lethargic and weird. i missed my sons court date yesterday so he is back in dt. i have to go again today at 130 to get him out. i am so tired of doing this shit. i wish he would just go to his treatment without a fight so this shit didnt continue to happen.

7/7/2010 12:27:40 PM
Trust is something that i so easily give and i realize that to a Dom it is something that has to be earned and i broke that trust by attempting suicide. i have to earn that trust back and i will do whatever it takes as long as it takes to do that.
i realize now more than ever that i need a good Master in my life. i am not meant to be alone i do not do well alone and make stupid decisions without thinking sometimes and a Master has to be able to trust that i will make the right decisions when it comes to my safety. And i have to be able to trust he will be there when i am weak and cannot think straight. i have to be able to trust that i can come to my Master when i am weak and scared and not resort to such matters to escape reality. i know my life is worth living i just forget sometimes. i have spent most of my life in service of a Master and have always had one there to stop me when i get weak like this and for the first time i felt so completely alone. i promise i will never try this again. i will reach out and make that call.

7/7/2010 12:20:51 PM
i am posting this at the request of a friend. i was stupid last thurs. i felt lost, alone, overwhelmed, tired of hurting and tired of doing all the things i have to do to make money. I had a weak moment and i overdosed and tried to kill myself. i know it was a stupid mistake. i got treatment and now am on the right medication and will never try to do it again. i hurt my children and all the people who care about me. i know i have people i can talk to when i need it. all i have to do is call. i know one of the first rules of slavery is to protect Masters property as if it were my own and i didnt do that. Even though i dont have a Master yet i am under consideration and i failed to protect his property. i will not make that mistake again.

6/25/2010 5:52:08 AM
"HER DIAMONDS"

Oh what the hell she says
I just can't win for losing
And she lays back down
Man there's so many times
I don't know what I'm doin
Like I don't know now
By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Says it's funny how the night
Can make you blind
I can just imagine
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
But if she feels bad then i do too
So I let her be
And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
She sits down and stares into the distance
And it takes all night
And i know i could break her concentration
But it don't feel right
By the light of the moon
She rubs her eyes
Sits down on the bed and starts to cry
And there's something less about her
And I don't know what I'm supposed to do
So I sit down and I cry too
But don't let her see
And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
She shuts out the night
Tries to close her eyes
If she can find daylight
She'll be alright
She'll be alright
Just not tonight
And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down
And she says oooh
I can't take no more
Her tears like diamonds on the floor
And her diamonds bring me down
Cuz I can't help her now
She's down in it
She tried her best and now she can't win it
Hard to see them on the ground
Her diamonds falling down

6/24/2010 4:56:01 AM

"COME ON GET HIGHER"

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what’s next Make you believe,
make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said
if I could walk on water, if i could tell you what’s next, make you believe,
make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on - HOLD
Singing shalala la Singing shalala lala
Ooooooo Ooooooo Oooooooooooooooo
Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me,
drown me in love
(come on get higher, loosen my lips)
Its all wrong
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips)
Its all wrong
(just pull me down hard and drown me in love)Its all right
So, come on, get higher Come on, get higher
Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms


6/24/2010 4:35:38 AM
The judge released my son today. He is on house arrest. The only place he is allowed to go is to the dr. and REACH program when his bronchitis clears up.
On the upside, i am going to vegas today to do a photo shoot. So i will have new pics posted as soon as i get home tomorrow night. I am so excited and nervous that i cant sleep. But its a 4 hours shoot and two hours each way to and from vegas on a day that it is well over 100 here so vegas will probably be 105 or better. And yes i remembered to have my truck checked out before i go. i need to buy oil tommorow and add it, and i filled the radiator reserve and getting tires checked in the morning.
The search for Master right continues. I have several good offers from couples, Masters, and Mistresses. But i need to make sure i am making the right decision. I love one man dearly, we had begun to plan our lives together, then my son got into more legal trouble and got me into legal trouble and he said he refused to have his life controlled by an out of control teenager. I surely dont blame him. But he knew how fucked up my kids are and still wanted me until my dad had a stroke and can no longer take my son to straighten him out. So it is up to me.
Any possibility of me relocating to any Dom that wishes to own me has to be put on hold possibly 8 months. My son has to complete the REACH rehab program, however as long as there is a similar program nearby i can transfer him. But he also has 238 hours of community service he needs to complete before we can move. And i had my disability hearing on the 8th and i had it in the bag, there was no way with all the medical records we provided he would deny me. Then the medical expert pointed out to the judge that i am a recovering drug addict and he changed his mind in one second flat.Told my attorney that i probably brought on the attack that caused me to be disabled by being high,which was completely unethical of the judge. Then he told my attorney he would take this case all the way to the supreme court if he could to make sure no ex druggie ever gets disability. So i have to wait to get the letter of denial which COULD take up to 90 days then file an appeal based on the judges biased and unfair opinion, his own private crusade against addicts whether they have changed their lives or not. And inappropriate behavior concerning the circumstances around the attack that caused my disabilities. My attorney guarantees me that once it is out of the judges hands and into the appeals committee we will win. But i have to go to mental health and have a drug and alcohol assessment to show to the committee i have been clean for 5 years, and a mental health evaluation and get my meds adjusted and substanciate my Dr.s claim that i am bipolar and suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. But in this part of the state, if i talk to mental health about my BDSM lifestyle they COULD try to have my son taken from me. So most of my issues i cant talk to a counselor about. What a pain in the ass, i have to go to mental health but cant get treatment for or talk about the things that i need get out. Par for the course.
IN CASE YOU HAVENT READ MY EARLIER JOURNALS, JUST BECAUSE GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE ESCALATES INTO PHONE CONVERSATIONS IT DOESNT MEAN I AM GOING TO WEAR SOMEONES COLLAR OR MAKE A COMMITMENT TO ANYONE UNTIL I AM SURE I WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE IN THEIR SERVICE WITHOUT EVER MEETING IN PERSON OR PLAYING TOGETHER TO MAKE SURE WE ARE COMPATABLE AND THERE IS ENOUGH CHEMISTRY TO FIND HAPPINESS.
Sorry some people just dont get that.

6/21/2010 11:46:05 PM

Well, he finally pushed the envelope and his probation officer put out a pick up order and he is back in DT. So i have some free time on my hands.
And i was offered to do a photo shoot in Vegas. so i am going on Thurs. so i will have new photos on my profile friday. I am excited. This is going to be fun.


6/14/2010 3:20:54 PM
You know most days, even though it is the hardest thing i have ever done, raising a troubled teen is worth it every day. Then there are days like today. Aubrey refused to go to bed at all last night, knowing he had to be up by 8 to get ready for his rehab program. He finally decided he was done being on the computer and went to go lay down and swore he would be up on time to go to rehab. Obviously he flat out refused and started a fight and used the excuse that he cannot pass the drug test so he wasn't going to go until tomorrow. So i made it plain and simple if he didn't go to rehab he was not allowed back on the computer until he goes back to rehab. Well he has thrown a fit every waking moment accusing me of being worse than he ever was. And i made my point simple and painful. I am not the one who got 13 charges with the law, i am not the one who was court ordered to the rehab program, i am not the one who decided last weekend that he could just drink mass amounts of water before his tests to pass them. And i am not the one who is going to be sent back to detention by the judge if he doesn't get off his dead ass and go to his program. Now the fights are getting vindictive and crual on his part, and he is claiming that he would rather be back in DT than to have to live under this roof with me. GOD DAMN IT IT IS TIMES LIKE THESE WHEN I NEED A TRUE MASTER IN MY LIFE TO TAKE CONTROL OVER THIS SITUATION AND MAKE HIM DO THE THINGS HE HAS TO TO STAY OUT OF DT

6/14/2010 8:47:26 AM
Saturday early morning when i finally made it home after my truck had been stolen i laid down and called Allen. He asked me what was wrong and i told him that i had been diagnosed with bronchitis. and he told me he would pray for me to get well. Then asked me again what was wrong he could tell that i had been crying and to tell him immediately. So i told him everything i told you in my last journal entry and told him i was doing a good deed for someone and when my back was turned for a moment my truck was stolen. For the ver first time since i have known him he got mad at me and yelled at me and told me i had too many low lifes in my life and hung up. What could i say he was right.
Well last night he called me back and said we needed to talk. He said all day Saturday he asked himself why was he really mad. And finally it came to him, it wasn't the act of someone stealing my truck. It was the fact that all the qualities that the people who know me and truly care for my honesty, loyalty, truthfulness, and my open heart are used over and over again as a weapon to hurt me in the worst ways even to put my life in danger. And what he is most afraid of is that one of these times i am hurt too bad or pushed to far and even if unintentionally, i close my heart or worse if bitterness and anger fill my heart. Then every person who cherrishes those things about me will be desperately missed for the rest of their lives. The fact that i am willing to go out in the midnight hours alone to take someone i have never met to rehab for no other reason than someone needed me proves that i am an angel on this earth. i dont need to lose that drive and need to help others no matter what. But instead what i desperately do need is a Master in my life who can look at that same situation and see all the risks, dangers, etc. and come up with alternative solutions to the problem and if necessary be strong enough to be able to tell me know and back up that decision, and if necessary fight me tooth and nail for it. Because i make all of my decisions on my emotion. i dont think it through i feel it through. And the only thing i know is that someone needs my help, i am able to do it, and inside of me i know in my heart it is the right thing to do. In this case neither one of us are in any way wrong. I am absolutely right in my own way. But the Master isn't thinking of any of that, he is thinking of all the risks, my safety, my freedom, and is doing what he feels is right to protect his slave. The possible compromise may be Master coming with me and being at my side so that any potentially dangerous risks are laid to rest. But it may not be enough, and he may need to back up his final decisions with punishment, distractions, play until i get over it or all of the above. But i was blessed this last time with Terry coming through and threatening Tulleys family with bodily harm if my truck isn't returned. But he won't always be there to do that. And i know better than to believe the next time i need a knight like that that one would be there. I do not necessarily need a Master to be able to always physically back me up. But it is just as important to be able to intellectually see the same situation and instead of physical conflict. use his intellect and mind to find ways to avoid the situation or to avoid ever letting me get myself into that sort of situation in the first place. I know it is a given that it is Masters job to protect the slave, but i am here to tell you that in my life that may be no small job.

6/14/2010 12:56:33 AM
Another bad experience. A friend of mine, Terry called me the other night and asked me for an important favor. A friend of his, Tulley, had been in trouble with the law and was court ordered into rehab last month and he never went and they were going to send him to jail for a long time. But his attorney made a deal that if he got to Salvation Army rehab in Vegas no later than 9a.m. Saturday morning they would give him one last chance. So he asked me to take his friend to Vegas. I agreed. We got to right before Beaver Dam and Tulley asked me if we could stop at his friends so he could say good-bye and get high one last time. I refused to stop and told him that i promised to get him to rehab i would not endanger my freedom, my sobriety or anything else by stopping for drugs. I had to get off at the next exit. I had to pee so bad my teeth were floating. I got out of the truck and took my purse but forgot the keys in the ignition. When i came out 5 minutes later my truck was gone. i was left stranded in the middle of no where, in the desert alone with no cell phone. Someone finally stopped a couple hours later and let me use their cell phone to call the police. I reported my truck stolen and the officer was kind enough to take me back to St George city limits at least close to home. The next morning a friend took me to Terry's, crying and hysterical completely believing i would never see my truck again.
That night i got a phone call from someone Tulley had talked to. i had no idea how or why but he took the keys to his friend and returned my truck.
Tonight i went over to Terrys to visit and told him i didnt understand what made Tulley change his mind. Terrys roommate, Matt told me the truth. Terry called Tulley and told him that if i didnt have my truck back by the end of the night he would go over to his wifes house and hold Tulleys wife and sons hostage and for every hour i didnt have my truck he would cut off a body part. This may seem evil and horrible to most people. But this meant more to me than you will ever know. My friendship meant so much to Terry that he was willing to do an evil thing, even if he ended up in prison for it for my friendship. He told Tulley that i am the first person he has met in more years than he can remember that was truly and completely a good person and a true friend. And he would kill to make sure that noone ever hurt me in anyway as a result of our friendship. I have never slept with this man, or been sexual with him in anyway or ever played with him. And for no other reason than because i was his friend, he was willing to make Tulley pay for hurting his friend. So often men in particular make me lose a little more and more faith in mankind. And for once a man, who never expected anything from me, restored some of that faith for me.
Over the years i have expected less and less from people. Love and friendship, faith and honor and respect don't mean the same thing to so many others as it means to me. For the first time in years someone who has called themselves my friend proved to me that it can mean the same thing to others as it does to me.

6/8/2010 4:09:21 AM
"Someday"

You can go
You can start all over again
You can try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide
Hold all your feelings inside
You can try to carry on when all you want to do is cry
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
Now wait
And try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you can change your mind
You can run, oh
And when everything is over and done
You can shine a little light on everything around you
Man it's good to be someone
And I don't want to wait
I just want to know
I just want to hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow
Cause maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
We'll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
Cause sometimes we don't really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

6/8/2010 3:55:53 AM
i saw a picture of myself from my senior year in high school tonight and thought now where did she go. That was a lifetime ago. Five lifetimes ago. Then i thought about my life the things i am willing to do now that i would have never dreamed of then. Except for my step father abusing and molesting me for most of my childhood i had a good life and a bright future. I never thought i would ever let a man hit me and get away with it. But after abusive relationships, all the hard times, raising 5 kids completely alone, rapes, a man trying to kill me, all the things i have done and experienced to become who and what i am today and i am thankful for everything every experience, heart break, fears, hopes, dreams, both good and bad.  I realized i am who i am today because of everything i went through. Back then i could have never dreamed that the things i so love and need and look for in a Dom are the things i was raised to avoid at all cost. It hasn't all been bad, i have been loved my some wonderful men, i have known success in my career, i have 5 beautiful, healthy children even if they are fucked up in alot of ways. I thought back at my hopes and dreams back when that picture was taken and i am thankful for this life God has given me. It has made me so strong. Stronger than almost any woman i have ever known. But i am afraid too. I wonder what it is God has in store for me that i need to be so strong. 
I have never had a truly successful relationship, never known complete happiness, never known a day in my life without more stress than i can cope with. These are the things that i search for now. Sometimes i wonder if i will ever know the things so many women take for granted. 
All i want in my life is for my kids to live long, happy lives, to not be overwhelmed every day of my life with stress and fear that i am not going to make it on my own, to live a life filled with love & peace, to be free to submit completely to a truly good man.
I felt a sense of peace and love and fulfillment the two weeks i spent with Master Allen like i have never known in my entire life. If i am not meant to be with Allen, i hope one day to find that feeling again. To be treated like a whore and slave, yet loved and respected and cherrished like a princess.
My disability hearing is tomorrow. This is it. At 1pm my time my attorney presents my case. I know he has a 95% success rate, and i am going in front of a judge that my attorney has never lost a case with, i have more medical records going back to 2002 than my attorney has ever had to present with, my horoscope says i will succeed, my attorney says it is in the bag, everyone who has reviewed my case is sure i will get approved but i am still terrified. There is no way with the medical problems and neck and back injuries i have i could ever go back to work and hold down a job for very long. I have prayed, everyone who knows me is praying, i have prepared, gathered dozens of witness statements, made deals with God, if you would only help me get my case approved tomorrow i swear i will never...or i will daily... suffered through three full blown panic attacks, cried, laughed, it hurts to breathe, i am having chest pains, shaking like a leaf, thoughts racing, unable to sleep, and out of xanex. i have smoked more cigarettes in one night than i smoke in 2 days normally.
I so need this to be over. A burden that has been hanging over my head for the last 26 months will finally be finished. Getting approved means never having to do the things i do, and no i wont tell you what, to make enough money to support myself and my son without pawning and losing the things i hold dear, being able to pay bills on time every month. No more being afraid of being evicted, no more disconnect notices, fines paid, debts paid. A sense of peace and well being like i haven't known in more years than i can remember.
At least i know i can survive without a Master. i may not like it, but i am capable of doing it. i dont need a Master to save me, take care of me, ensure survival. I can look for the right Master because i want to not because i need to.
Maybe i am not meant to be with Allen, i dont know. But i do know from him what i deserve. I wont take anything but the best. i may be alone for a long time but i am not willing to settle for less. I do not deserve to be abused, not physically, not mentally, not emotionally. i do not need to do things for a man or allow men to do things to me i dont want to do just to not be alone. i deserve to be loved, cared for, and taken care of with the same love and respect that i take care of men with. I am intelligent, whitty, sexy, beautiful and amazing. I deserve to be treated that way.
i may be a slave but that doesnt mean i dont deserve the best.
Just because i am a big woman, disabled, and at times a smart ass, doesnt mean i dont need and deserve the same things that the naive, innocent, trusting woman in that old photo does.
of one thing i am certain, i am not going to accept less than amazing. I know there are many of you out there who truly want the honor of being my Master, but i am not going accept the first collar that comes along. i am going to be damn sure i dont make the same mistakes i have made all my life. I will gladly wait for the right Master. Even if it takes years.
I am not going to go through this search. Again. when i do finally accept a collar i am going to make sure i want and need this Master for the rest of my life.

6/3/2010 12:37:38 PM
just to let everyone who is interested know it takes alot more than a couple of emails and one or two phone conversations for me to want to wear your collar. this is a decision i am never going to make lightly again. i am making a lifetime commitment here folks. i want to make sure we are completely compatable before i even meet you.

5/17/2010 2:40:35 PM
My son was released from detention today. he is on house arrest. the rules are so much like basic slave training. no contact with friends of any kind, no use of phone or internet without permission, the only time allowed to leave the house is with a parent and to go to school or work. He starts the REACH program this week. the juvenile drug and alcohol treatment program they have down here. I am just thankful he is home. Now its time for me to do the work necessary to get him out of trouble and under control once again. Thank you all for your advise and willingness to accept me with my son.

5/16/2010 10:47:12 PM
I have never had such a hard time finding open, HONEST, and trustworthy people. I wont lie to you, i am just not that kind of person and i expect the same if not more from a Dom. So few people on this site are for real. Never before have i dealt with such games, mindfucks, and in general mean & cruel people (I MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY)
I may be older, injured, and fat but i know i am still beautiful inside and out. And i am very obedient and a treasure to own.
Yes my teenage son must come with me when and if i relocate. But he understands the lifestyle and knows that there could be times that he accidentally might walk in while we are in play but that doesn't mean i want him involved in any way. And he knows that he will at times hear us when in scene but i still try to be fair to him and when he is closed i can be quiet, sometimes i may have to be gagged but i dont want to traumatize my son.
I realize that i am not currently in an ideal situation with my sons legal matters but we are in the process of getting them resolved. He starts the youth rehab program this coming week. And will remain in that program until we move. And he will finish the program whereever we relocate.
Please someone tell me why some Doms on this site are so into mind fucking slaves. I have been told it has to do with power and control. I may have 25 years experience in the lifestyle, but as my last Mistress recently told me i am still naive and innocent in alot of ways. Especially this one. The head games and mind fuck do not control me nor does it give any Dom power over me. I give up all control to my Master or Mistress. It is a big thing for Doms to have it and such a little thing to me. I dont need to have control in a relationship. I give it up so willingly for the success and happiness of the relationship. To all the couples that are interested. I may be interested or willing to consider a poly situation but it is not my ideal situation.
Please to anyone who reads this do not play games or mind fuck me. And i will give you the respect and honor of treating you with the same respect. It merely ruins your chances to eventually own me in the future. And that is the true reward that i offer. Invest the time and money to come meet me and see where it could possibly lead. i promise you will not be disappointed. It is well worth the trip.

5/15/2010 6:39:50 PM
I am so tired of looking. So many lames and fakes. So many who think their way is the only way. So many who would rather mind fuck a slave than to get to really know them and have a chance with someone who is for real. I know i am not perfect nor do i have the perfect situation. But i am amazing and once someone actually gets to know me they will realize that.

4/28/2010 10:28:38 PM
The insanity of having a 15 year old son that is out of control. He is now facing legal consequences for his refusal to behave. He has been drinking and smoking cigarettes since last October and is now facing charges. I am way to submissive or should i say passive. My kids walk all over me because they know they can get out of trouble easily with me. i need someone in my life who can help me with my son. Someone who can back me up, control a son that is out of control. I am starting him in an outpatient rehab program but am willing to listen to advise and turn over control to someone who is able to take it without abusing him. Sorry this isnt the kind of thing one talks about on this site but i need to be open and honest and fair to anyone who wishes to consider getting to know me.

3/13/2010 6:31:08 PM

LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR I WILL NOT RELOCATE OUTSIDE OF THE US AND WILL NOT RELOCATE ANYONE HERE FROM OUTSIDE OF THE US. I AM LOOKING FOR A REAL, LIFE LONG RELATIONSHIP WITH THE RIGHT PERSON. I AM NOT A FREE TICKET TO CITIZENSHIP. PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL ME IF YOU ARE FROM OUTSIDE OF THE US ESP. IF YOU ARE FROM NIGERIA. MY MAILBOX IS FULL ENOUGH.


3/13/2010 6:20:03 PM
Dante's Prayer
When the dark wood fell before me And all the paths were overgrown
When the priests of pride say there is no other way I tilled the sorrows of stone
I did not believe because I could not see
Though you came to me in the night When the dawn seemed forever lost
You showed me your love in the light of the stars

Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems forever long Please remember me

Then the mountain rose before me By the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness Beyond the ice and the fire

Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems forever long Please remember me

Though we share this humble path, alone How fragile is the heart
Oh give these clay feet wings to fly To touch the face of the stars
Breathe life into this feeble heart Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We'll rise above these earthly cares

Cast your eyes on the ocean Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems forever long Please remember me...

3/13/2010 3:44:00 AM
Just so people are clear and i don't have to explain this again. To me the difference between a submissive and a slave is control and power. A submissive has a certain level of control and power in a relationship. Like the ability to use safewords and have limits, and the right to leave a situation if she isn't completely happy.  A slave does not have the right to have these things. A slave willingly gives all control and power to her Master for life. Her limits are the limits her Master sets forth in the relationship. She does what she is told when she is told and if not she is punished according to what her Master deems is necessary not what the slave thinks is fair. And a slave never has the right to walk away if things don't go her way. Only her Master can release her if and when he desires.
I am a slave because i choose to be. If i have control in a relationship i end up in trouble. i think i have the right to disagree with my Master. i do not want control, i cant survive successfully with that control. i always manage to fuck things up when i have that control and power. Therefore i have decided to give up that control, that power to the right Master.

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ekaterina28loves
 
 Age: 29
  Florida