kimberlyssecret

NO RELATIONSHIP TALK UNDERSTOOD. I DO KNOW WITH ALL MY HEART WHY I AM MEANT TO GO THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALONE. EVERY MOMENT IN MY LIFE HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MAKE ME STRONGER, BUT I AM USED TO HAVING SOMEONE BESIDE ME OR OWNING ME SO THAT VERY SELDOM DO I HAVE TO FACE THE VERY HARDEST THINGS ALONE.

WELL ITS TIME NOW, I HAVE TO GAIN THIS LEVEL OF STRENGTH ALONE. I HAVE TO LEARN INDEPENDENCE AGAIN. THE COURAGE AND CONFIDENCE TO HANDLE ANY AND EVERYTHING ALONE. TO REMEMBER I NEVER NEEDED TO DEPEND ON SOMEONE TO BE STRONG FOR ME OR WHEN I CANNOT TAKE IT ANY MORE TO SHUT THE WORLD AWAY FOR AWHILE.

MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I AM MEANT TO DO ALL OF THIS ALONE IS SO THAT WHEN I AM FINISHED, WHEN ALL OF THIS IS BEHIND ME, AND MY FAMILY I WILL TRULY BE READY AGAIN,OR MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL WAKE UP, WALK OUT THE DOOR AND IT WILL WALK RIGHT UP TO ME SAY HELLO, ASK ME OUT AND END UP BEING EXACTLY WHAT WE BOTH NEED WITHOUT EVEN KNOWING FOR CERTAIN WITHOUT SAYING THE WORDS WHAT I AM, WHAT HE OR SHE IS, AND AT LEAST PART OF LIFE WILL FALL INTO PLACE

life has taken a big roller coaster ride. my dad broke his neck, though he is able to walk he needs 24 hour care and i am all he has. he has to come home in three weeks and for the first 90 days i cant even leave the house except for church, groceries or my dr appointments. and i dont know if having a strange man come over to the house to get to know one another. can definitely cant have a guest sleep over or me sleep at someone elses house for several months after. BUT MAYBE THIS IS A GOOD THING. I CAN DECIDE WHAT I NEED NOT JUST WHAT EVERY DOM THINKS I NEED OK EXCEPT PLAY AND USE. and take time for me to get well too. i think my universe has forced me to take stock of my life and not just jump into another relationship and end up single again.

i am no longer moving to arizona. staying in salt lake and single once again

CURRENTLY I AM IN A 24/7 TPE LIVE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH MASTER RANDY. UNTIL VERY RECENTLY I TRULY BELIEVED THIS WAS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT AS WE ARE INTENDING TO MOVE TO THE TUCSON AREA BY THE END OF FALL HERE.
I WANT/NO I NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRUST HIM MORE NOW THAN I HAVE EVER THE ENTIRE YEAR WE'VE KNOWN ONE ANOTHER. PRAY FOR THIS GIRL. IT SEEMS JUST AS I AM SURE I HAVE FOUND MY WAY, KNOW WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO GO AND AM SO SURE I AM FINALLY MAKING THE DECISION I AM SUPPOSED TO TO BE ABLE TO TRULY HAVE MY LIFE BACK AGAIN IN ANY MANNER, AND AT THIS SECOND AM BACK TO UNSURE ABOUT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING SO AFRAID TO FUCK UP BY DOING THE WRONG THING, MORE TERRIFIED OF DESTROYING MY LIFE BY MAKING NO DECISION.
I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO COUNT ON MY MASTER TO PROTECT ME IN MATTERS LIKE THIS AS HE SEES SO OBVIOUSLY THAT I AM NO LONGER ABLE TO HANDLE STRESS LIKE THIS. AFTER SO MANY MISTAKES, SO MANY FAKES, SO MANY NOW DECEASED, I AM AFRAID TO GIVE THAT LAST OUNCE OF TRUST I AM HOLDING BACK.
SORRY WILL CHANGE TOMORROW

CAN I SAY TOTALLY CONFUSED? I REALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO HERE. I AM TOTALLY IN A FOREIGN LAND. HE DOESNT COMMUNICATE WITH ME. I AM A BEAUTIFUL SLAVE HERE WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO PLEASE HIM. MOST OF THE TIME ITS LIKE I BARELY EXIST HERE. HE TREATS ME SO AMAZING IN SO MANY WAYS BUT... I KNOW THIS IS HIS FIRST RELATIONSHIP OWNING A TRUR FORMALLY TRAINED SLAVE WHO HASD BEEN IN THIS LIFE ALMOST HALF MY LIFE. SO HE IS ON FOREIGN GROUND. WHEN WE GET SETTLED IN OUR NEW HOME THAT HE WILLING TO GET INVOLVEED IN THE COMMUNITY THERE AND GO TO CLASSES AND MUNCHES AND PLAY PARTIES. AND LEARN. AND WE CAN FIND OUR OWN RHYTHM AND MEET WHERE WE NEED TO TO BE HAPPY AND I CAN BRING OUT THE TRUE MASTER I CAN SEE INSIDE OF HIM. AND MAKE OUR HOME THE ONE PLACE HE CAN BE THAT PERSON, ALL HE IS INSIDE OF HIM. AS HE LEARNS HOW TO DO WHAT HE REALLY LIKES TO WATCH IT IS MY JOB TO BE HIS LEARNING TOOL AND AS HE LEARNS I LEARN HOW TO TAKE IT AND ABLE TO PUSH MY LIMITS AND FOR ME TO LEARN ALL HE IS INTO AND HOW TO GIVE THAT TO HIM AND LEARN HOW TO BE WHAT HE NEEDS BUT I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE. IS THERE ANY HOPE? CAN I DO THIS? AM I STILL GOOD ENOUGH TO SUCCEED? CAN THIS RELATIONSHIP SUCCEED?

Can I say I AM THE LUCKIEST WOMAN ON EARTH. MASTER HAS SEEN ME GO THROUGH MORE HELL, SICKNESS AND PAIN THAN ANY OTHER DOMINANT I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH. AND HE STILL WANTS A LIFE WITH ME. WE ARE FINALLY GOING TO BE MOVING TO TUCSON, AZ IN THE SPRING. FINALLY WE ARE BUYING A HOUSE TOGETHER, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS ALMOST KILLED IN 2004 THE SENSE OF SECURITY OF IT BEING OURS. BETWEEN HIS INCOME AND MY DISABILITY I JUST WON WE WILL NEVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LATE BILLS, HAVING WHAT WE NEED, WILL HAVE A CAR AGAIN SO NEVER NEED TO TAKE ANOTHER BUS.

HE IS LIKE NO OTHER MAN OR MASTER I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH.

I VOW EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE I STRIVE TO BE THE SLAVE HE DESERVES AND PRAY ONE DAY I AM HIS MOST CHERISHED AND PRIZED POSSESSION.

DANTE'S PRAYER

WHEN THE DARK WOOD FELL BEFORE ME

AND THE PATHS WERE OVERGROWN

WHEN THE PRIESTS OF PRIDE SAID THERE IS NO OTHER WAY

I TILLED THE SORROWS OF STONE

I DID NOT BELIEVE BECAUSE I COULD NOT SEE

THOUGH YOU CAME TO ME IN THE NIGHT

WHEN THE DAWN SEEMED FOREVER LOST

YOU SHOWED ME YOUR LOVE IN THE LIGHT OF THE STARS

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN

CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA

WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

THEN THE MOUNTAIN ROSE BEFORE ME

BY THE DEEP WELL OF DESIRE

FROM THE FOUNTAIN OF FORGIVENESS

BEYOND THE ICE AND THE FIRE

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN

CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA

WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

THOUGH WE SHARE THIS HUMBLE PATH ALONE

HOW FRAGILE IS THE HEART

OH GIVE THESE CLAY FEET WINGS TO FLY

TO TOUCH THE FACE OF THE STARS

BREATHE LIFE INTO THIS FEEBLE HEART

LIFT THIS MORTAL VEIL OF FEAR

TAKE THESE CRUMBLED HOPES

ETCHED WITH TEARS

WE'LL RISE ABOVE THESE EARTHLY CARES

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN

CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA

WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

PLEASE REMEMBER ME

I PRAY WITH ALL MY HEART THAT EVERY THOUGHT THAT FINDS ITS WAY ACROSS YOUR MIND OF ME, OF US, OF EVERY MOMENT WE SHARED, EVERY MIRACLE WE WITNESSED, EVERY MOMENT OF ECSTASY BRINGS YOU AS MUCH LOVE AND BEAUTY AS IT DOES ME. KNOW I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU, I WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU. I WILL BE HERE FOREVER. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS CALL OUT MY NAME.

BUT MOST OF ALL I SEND YOU THE LYRICS TO THIS SONG TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND A PIECE OF ME THAT MAYBE YOU DIDN'T BEFORE. I NEVER ASKED FOR THE EASY WAY THROUGH LIFE, WHEN OTHERS TOLD ME I COULDN'T DO SOMETHING I PROVED THEM WRONG. AND MOST OF ALL, I REGRET ABSOLUTELY NOT ONE MOMENT OF MY LIFE. SO IF THE ROAD EVER GETS TO LONG, TOO HARD, WHEN YOU FEEL MOST ALONE, REMEMBER ME. REMEMBER THE LOVE I WILL ALWAYS HAVE FOR YOU. AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE NEVER EVER ALONE.

MY WISH

I HOPE THAT THE DAYS COME EASY, AND THE MOMENTS PASS SLOW

AND EACH ROAD LEADS YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO

AND IF YOU'RE FACED WITH A CHOICE AND YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE

I HOPE YOU CHOOSE THE ONE THAT MEANS THE MOST TO YOU

AND IF ONE DOOR OPENS TO ANOTHER CLOSED DOOR

I HOPE YOU KEEP ON GOING TIL YOU FIND THE WINDOW

AND IF IT'S COLD OUTSIDE, SHOW THE WORLD THE WARMTH OF YOUR SMILE

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, MORE THAN ANYTHING

MY WISH FOR YOU IS THAT THIS LIFE

BECOMES ALL THAT YOU WANT IT TO

THAT YOUR DREAMS STAY BIG AND YOUR WORRIES STAY SMALL

AND YOU NEVER NEED TO CARRY MORE THAN YOU CAN HOLD

AND WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE GETTING WHERE YOU'RE GETTING TO

I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY LOVES YOU!!!

AND WANTS THE SAME THINGS TOO

YEAH, THIS IS MY WISH

I HOPE YOU NEVER LOOK BACK

BUT YOU NEVER FORGET

ALL THE ONE'S THAT LOVE YOU IN THE PLACE THAT YOU LEFT

I HOPE YOU ALWAYS FORGIVE AND YOU NEVER REGRET

AND YOU HELP SOMEBODY EVERY CHANCE YOU GET

OH THAT YOU FIND GODS GRACE IN EVERY MISTAKE

AND THAT YOU ALWAYS GIVE MORE THAN YOU TAKE

BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, MORE THAN ANYTHING

MY WISH FOR YOU IS THAT THIS LIFE

BECOMES ALL THAT YOU WANT IT TO

THAT YOUR DREAMS STAY BIG AND YOUR WORRIES STAY SMALL

AND YOU NEVER NEED TO CARRY MORE THAN YOU CAN HOLD

AND WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE GETTING WHERE YOU'RE GETTING TO

I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY LOVES YOU!!!

AND WANTS THE SAME THINGS TOO

YEAH, THIS IS MY WISH

THIS IS MY WISH

I HOPE YOU KNOW SOMEBODY LOVES YOU

MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS STAY BIG

DEDICATED TO ALL THREE OF THE MEN IN MY LIFE WHO HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER, CHANGED MY GOALS, HELPED ME FIND MYSELF AND MY WAY AGAIN. AND REMINDED ME OF HOW BEAUTIFUL AND THAT I AM WORTHY OF AMAZING. I AM FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT.

YOU ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

WELL THE 5TH OF THIS MONTH IS THE 9 MONTH ANNIVERSARY SINCE I MET THE MAN WHO IS NOW MY MASTER.

I HAVE NEVER TAKEN A RELATIONSHIP SO SLOW. BEEN FRIENDS ONLY FOR MONTHS. SPENT MOST OF THE TIME WE KNEW EACH OTHER I WOULD COME UP HERE 1 DAY A WEEK ONLY FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS, GIVE HIM ONE OF MY AMAZING MASSAGES, MASSAGE IN WORK ON HIS FEET TO KEEP THEM SOFT, WATCH FOOTBALL OR SPORTS OR WHATEVER FOR A WHILE AND THAT WAS IT. UNTIL A FEW MONTHS AGO THEN AFTER HIS MASSAGE, I FINISHED WITH ONE OF MY TO DIE FOR BLOW JOBS.
THEN WHEN I WAS COLLARED TO SIRTHORTHUNDER HE COMPLETELY RESPECTED OUR RELATIONSHIP AND WE ONLY SAW EACH OTHER A COUPLE OF TIMES AND THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO SEXUAL REQUEST.

BUT THE DAY MY EX MASTER AND I BROKE UP I CALLED MY NEW MASTER, JUST TO COME AND TALK BECAUSE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SO MANY THINGS, AND ONE THING I KNOW I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON IS THIS MANS ADVISE.

WE STARTED SEEING ONE ANOTHER AGAIN JUST AS IT WAS BEFORE, I STILL DONT KNOW HOW WE GOT TO WHERE WE ARE TODAY.

BUT I THANK GOT THAT WE ARE. WE HAVE A LONG WAY TO GO. BUT AT LEAST WE BOTH ARE DEDICATED TO MAKING THIS RELATIONSHIP SOMETHING THAT WILL LAST.

BUT ALTHOUGH MY HEART NOW BELONGS TO MY NEW MASTER, THOSE WHO REALLY KNOW ME, KNOW HOW BIG MY HEART IS, AND WHO I REALLY AM. AND THEY KNOW EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MASTER, I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH SIRTHORTHUNDER, AS WELL AS THE MAN I WOULD HAVE KILLED OR DIED FOR, THE ONLY MAN I WOULD HAVE MARRIED. BOSSMARK, MARK VAN STEENIS. MY MERC. AND HIM I HAVENT HEARD FROM IN SO LONG I AM AFRAID HE IS DEAD. BUT THE LOVE I HAVE FOR ALL THREE OF THESE MEN SOMETIMES CONFUSE ME, BREAK MY HEART THAT WE CAN'T EVEN BE FRIENDS IT SEEMS, THAT THEIR PROMISES DON'T MATTER. BUT MOSTLY I AM THANKFUL FOR EVERY LESSON THEY TAUGHT ME, FOR HELPING ME FIND MYSELF AND MY WAY AGAIN. AND FOR EVERY MOMENT I WAS BLESSED TO SPEND WITH THEM BOTH.

I PRAY EVERY NIGHT THAT MARK IS STILL ALIVE SOMEWHERE, EITHER ROTATED OUT AND RETIRED AND CHOSE TO GO HOME TO ANOTHER, OR THAT HE IS WITH THE ANGELS, AND WATCHING OVER ME. AND I PRAY EVERY NIGHT FOR JOHN. THAT HE IS HAPPY, THAT WHEN HE DOES THINK OF ME IT IS WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS. AS I DO HIM. AND THAT ONE DAY WE CAN BE FRIENDS AGAIN.

TO ALL OF YOU, I KNOW YOU CAN NEVER REALLY UNDERSTAND, BUT I WILL BE MADLY AND COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH YOU ALL MY LIFE. I WISH WE COULD HAVE MADE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE, OR FOUND ONE ANOTHER LONG AGO WHEN WE COULD HAVE BUILT THE LIFE WE DREAMED OF.

Spirit in The Wasteland

In the flesh, I feel the magic

In your honest arms, I can taste the truth

In your eyes, I come home again

I watch the lines dissolve between me and you

If only for a moment, until it comes round again

I stand here at the edge, with my heart wide open

The sun breaks through my best defenses

But I can’t help but sing when I see you coming

I spent the warmth of my spirit in the wasteland

Until the wasteland blossomed

And the water ran over these dry bones

I died a thousand times on the cross of loneliness

I burned my weary feet on the stones of separation

In the circle of your arms I found redemption

And I know these feelings, like the leaves upon the trees

In their own sweet time will fall and cover me

But I will kiss the ground that holds these memories

I spent the warmth of my spirit in the wasteland

Until the wasteland blossomed

And the water ran over these dry bones

And the water ran over these dry bones

If only for a moment, until it comes round again

I stand here at the edge, with my heart wide open

Rumors of the Big Wave

Dedicated to my sweetest love

And dearest friend Sir Thor Thunder\

I do not understand this time. How two people could meet fall in love at first sight, and be so completely mentally in sync and connected, have there be so many undeniable signs in nature magic and the world that he and i are supposed to be together and yet we could not make us work. he was everything i have waited all of my life for, and he claims, so i must believe, that he has searched all of his life for me, yet still why do i feel like i have been used and played in the most cruel of ways? Assholes and abusers i get, i am used to that. i will never allow myself to be with one again but i understand their motives. How can a man who in so many ways is a very wonderful man, a man i know with all my heart would kill to protect me, but his cruelty was far worse. He tore down walls i had built in my childhood. i let him in, for the first time since my attack in 2004 i trusted a man completely. And the moment i fall completely in love with him, find myself forever devoted, not just words, or body or commitment, but with my life and for the first time in longer than i can remember dared to give any human being my whole heart. And it feels like the minute i do, his greatest victory is finding ways to get me to the point i am completely?defenseless?and vulnerable to him and him only then strip it all away, leaving me here terrified, alone, confused, and so heart broken if it were not for the most beautiful grandson on this earth and 5 children that though they are grown who still need their mother, i would honestly want to die.?

it has been such a long time before i have ever let anyone in as i did him, since 2004 since i have trusted any man. LESSON LEARNED. IT WILL BE A LONG LONG LONG TIME BEFORE I EVER DO AGAIN

so why is it that i know with all my heart that if he were to walk in the door even years from now and tell me he wants me back i would be his no questions. does that part go away in time? please tell me it does. i dont know if i could be strong enough to survive two broken hearts from this man.

SIRTHORTHUNDER AKA SIRWILDCHANGE. although he and I didn't work he is a wonderful and amazing man and Master and I am grateful for every moment I was his sweet little baby girl. I will forever kneel at his feet and serve him with pride and honor if he but calls.

"Goodbye My Lover"

"S.E.X."

August 6th was my 46th birthday. i haven't had a good birthday in over 20 yrs. and i mean that literally. for the very first time i was treated absolutely amazing by my Daddy/Master, Sir John. It started out with him going all over town searching for my favorite flowers. Fire and ice roses or white roses and finally found out you have to order them in. So Daddy showed up with 2 dozen red and pink roses, in a beautiful vase, a bouquet of balloons and the most amazing card. Left work early and took me home. To my favorite canyon on earth, big cottonwood canyon. Instinctively stopped at the exact favorite spot of mine without ever being told. I was out of the car and sandals off running to big cottonwood creek barefoot, dress off sunglasses off all thrown in a line on the way to the creek and in the water in only a bra before he could even get out of the car. and he thought it would be easy to catch me. Any other time any other place he would be right. we played in the water saw miracles. then finally got done there and dressed and went all the way to the top. then when we came down the sunset was so amazing. a ball of fire with the smoke cloud from the forest fires making it a deeper blood red. he could have stopped at the flowers. then he took me to the restaurant i have always wanted to go to had the most amazing dinner. then took me out camping witch is our thing. we don't like hotels or ostentatious shit and we are working toward finding our own house but haven't found what we are looking for yet so that is our heaven. We played for hours, i most definitely got my birthday spankings and i love more than anything to submit to him. And we fit so perfectly together in EVERY way. A QUICKY  for us is 3 or 4 hours. and TWICE. i was filled with his cum twice. we watched the moon rise over the great salt lake and its mountains. held each other exactly as a Daddy and little baby girl should,l in the crook of his arm with his head above mine. Woke up and ONCE MORE i pleased my Daddy. Then we headed home, just as the sun rose over my favorite Wasatch mountains, the same ones we had seen the sunset from. 

OTHER THAN THE BIRTH OF MY CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN, AND THE DAY I MET HIM, BY FAR NOT ONLY THE HAPPIEST BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE...IT WAS THE HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE. HE LOVES ME SO MUCH AND I AM SO IN LOVE FOR MAYBE THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE LIKE THIS. THE ONLY WAY I WILL EVER LEAVE MY DADDY IS IF HE WERE TO SEND ME AWAY...AND HE HAS SEARCHED FOR ME ALL HIS LIFE AND RIGHT NOW I KNOW IN MY HEART THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.....I TRUST HIM COMPLETELY THAT HAS NEVER HAPPENED WITH ANY MAN IN MY LIFE AM LOST IN HIS EYES...AND HE CALLS ME MASTERS FIRE EYES OR HIS NYMPH WHEN I AM NOT HIS LITTLE BABY GIRL...IS THIS A DREAM? IS IT HEAVEN? ALL I KNOW IS IF IT WERE TO EVER END, I WILL BE THANKFUL FOR EVERY MOMENT EVERY MEMORY AND GETTING ME HEALTHY AGAIN, BEING THE FORCE OF CHANGE AND THOUGHT IN MY LIFE TO LIVE IT TO ITS FULLEST. DADDY I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART, THANK YOU MORE THAN LIFE, AND AM YOURS FOREVER WITH ALL MY SOUL. 

WAS COLLARED 6/13/2012 BY SIRWILDCHANGE

NO LONGER LOOKING FOR A MASTER

HOWEVER WE ARE SEARCHING FOR A SISTER SLAVE 

OR FEMALE PLAYMATES. IF INTERESTED 

PLEASE CONTACT EITHER ONE OF US

A FLOWER CAN'T SAY LOVE...BUT A ROSE DID

A PLANT CAN'T SURVIVE THIRST...BUT A CACTUS DID

AND A DUMMY CAN'T READ....BUT LOOK AT YOU GO!!!!!!!!!!

TODAY, MAY 11TH 2012 AT 4:22 PM MY GRANDSON WAS BORN 5 LBS 13.8 OZ 19 INCHES LONG. WHEN IT COMES TO SURREAL, AND PUTTING IT ALL IN PERSPECTIVE WATCHING MY DAUGHTER GIVE BIRTH, AND HOLDING THAT LITTLE ANGEL IN MY ARMS AND KNOWING HE IS COMING HOME TO LIVE WITH ME FOR NOW, ITS GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE TO MAKE ME LEAVE THIS PLACE.

IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING STUPID WHEN YOU'RE YOUNG... YOU WON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE OLD

IN BEAUTIFUL LOVING MEMORY OF ONE OF MY DEAREST FRIENDS. LEEANN LINCOLN, (AKA...LEEANNL ON THIS SITE) TODAY, MARCH 25,1012 AT 6:00 P.M. CENTRAL TIME THE BEAUTIFUL LIFE OF AN AMAZING CAME TO A PREMATURE END. AFTER AN 8 YEAR FIGHT WITH PANCREATIC CANCER

"Angels On The Moon"

I HAVE THE HEART OF A LION...

AND A LIFETIME BAN FROM THE ZOO

NEVER GET JEALOUS WHEN YOU SEE YOUR EX WITH SOMEONE ELSE, BECAUSE OUR PARENTS TAUGHT US TO GIVE OUR USED TOYS TO THE LESS FORTUNATE

"Savin' Me"

Thank you warning label.. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.

Looking for a room for rent in the salt lake area as soon as possible. please contact me if you know of anything

ERIN GO BRAGH!!! AND HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY TO ALL!!!

I love the way you look at me
I feel the pain you place inside
You lock me up inside your dirty cage
Well I'm alone inside my mind

I'd like to teach you all the rules
I'd get to see them set in stone
I like it when you chain me to the bed
But then your secrets never shone

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's there even you and me?

I love the way you rake my skin
I feel the hate you place inside
I need to get your voice out of my head
Cause I'm that guy you'll never find

I think you know all of the rules
There's no expressions on your face
I'm hope that some day you will let me go
Release me from my dirty cage

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's there even you and me?

[Repeat: x4]
I love the way you look at me
I love the way you smack my ***
I love the dirty things you do
I have control of you

I need to feel you
You need to feel me
I can't control you
You're not the one for me, no

I can't control you
You can't control me
I need to feel you
So why's there even you and me

GOING TO BE IN VEGAS THIS WEEKEND FOR MY DISABILITY EVALUATIONS.  PLEASE CONTACT ME IF INTERESTED IN MEETING.

where to even begin? where to end? when to run? what to fight for? what to live for? who to trust? who to help? where to turn? when is enough? to much?

When We Stand Together lyrics

One more depending on a prayer
And we all look away
People pretending everywhere
It's just another day

There's bullets flying through the air
And they still carry on
We watch it happen over there
And then just turn it off

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
We must stand together
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
There's no giving in
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
Hand in hand forever
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win
That's, that's, that's when we all win

They tell us everything's all right
And we just go along
How can we fall asleep at night
When something's clearly wrong
When we could feed a starving world
With what we throw away
But all we serve are empty words
That always taste the same

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
We must stand together

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
There's no giving in
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
Hand in hand forever
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win

The right thing to guide us
Is right here inside us
No one can divide us
When the light is nearly gone

But just like a heartbeat
The drum beat carries on
And the drum beat carries on
Just like a heartbeat

Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
We must stand together
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
There's no giving in
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
Hand in hand forever
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's when we all win
Hey, yeah, yeah, hey, yeah
That's, that's, that's when we all win
That's, that's, that's when we all win

Just a girl born in Dixie, washed in the blood
And raised on the banks of the Mississippi mud
She always had a thing about fallin' in love with a bad boy

Yeah, they could see it all comin' but her daddy never dreamed
She'd grow up that fast, you know what I mean
The way a girl gets when she turns seventeen, kinda crazy

She's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter
She was baptized in dirty water
Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me
They knew they couldn't stop her

She holds tight, me and the Bible
On the back seat of my motorcycle
Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see
God love her
Oh, me and God love her!

She kissed her mama goodbye, said I'll be sure 'n phone ya
She called her from a truck stop in Tucson Arizona
With Amazing Grace, we made California line
And then my gypsy life started takin' its toll
And the fast lane got empty and out of control
And just like an angel she saved my soul from the devil

Yeah, she's a rebel child and a preacher's daughter
She was baptized in dirty water
Her mama cried the first time they caught her with me
They knew they couldn't stop her

She holds tight, me and the Bible
On the back seat of my motorcycle
Left her daddy standin' there, preachin' to the choir, you see
God love her
Oh, me and God love her!

Now she holds tight to me and the Bible
On the back seat of my motorcycle
Left her daddy standin' there preachin' to the choir, you see
God love her
Oh, me and God love her!

God love her Me and God love her

THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL WHO HAD A LITTLE CURL RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HER FOREHEAD. AND WHEN SHE WAS GOOD SHE WAS VERY VERY GOOD...BUT WHEN SHE WAS BAD SHE WAS HORRID!!!

IT AIN'T PRETTY BEIN' EASY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In the cool of the evening they used to gather 

Neath the stars in the middle circling an old oak tree

At the times appointed by the seasons 

Of the earth and the phases of the moon

In the center stood a woman, 

Equal with the others but respected for her worth

One of the many we call the witches

The healers and the teachers of the wisdom of the earth

And the people grew from the knowledge she gave them

Herbs to heal their bodies, spells to make their spirits whole

Can't you hear them chanting healing incantations

Calling for the wise ones celebrating in Dance and song

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

There were those who came to power through domination

And they bonded with the worship of a dead man on a cross

They sought control of the common people 

By demanding allegiance to the church of Rome

And the Pope declared an inquisition

It was war against the women whose power they feared

In this holocaust against the nature people nine million European women died

And the tale is told to those who by the hundreds

Holding together chose their death in the sea

While chanting the praises of the mother Goddess

A refusal of betrayal women were dying to be free

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Isis, Estarte, Diana, Hecatate, Demeter, Kali, Inana

Now the Earth is a witch
And the men still burn her

Stripping her down with mining and the poisons of their wars

But to us the Earth is a healer, a teacher, a mother

A weaver of a web of life that keeps us all alive

She gives us the vision to see through the chaos

She gives us the courage, IT IS OUR WILL TO SURVIVE

"I'd Come For You"

-"I Alone"
it's easier not to be wise and measure these things by your brains

I sank into Eden with you alone in the church by and by
I'll read to you here, save your eyes you'll need them, your boat is at sea
your anchor is up, you've been swept away 

and the greatest of teachers won't hesitate
to leave you there, by yourself, chained to fate
I alone love you I alone tempt you
I alone love you fear is not the end of this!
it's easier not to be great and measure these things by your eyes
we long to be here by his resolve alone in the church by and by
to cradle the baby in space and leave you there by yourself chained to fate
I alone love you I alone tempt you
I alone love you fear is not the end of this!
oh, now, we took it back too far, only love can save us now,
all these riddles that you burn all come runnin' back to you,
all these rhythms that you hide only love can save us now,
all these riddles that you burn yeah, yeah, yeah

I alone love you I alone tempt you
I alone love you fear is not the end of this!

"Return To Innocence"

"Over You"

SANTA IS JOLLY CUZ HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE!!!!!

Yet another one of my longest and dearest friends passed away friday morning 12/9/2011 Ferris Patton. In the past 2 years i have lost over 11 friends and lovers. Too many lost. This one was one of the best of us. Navy Seal served our country courageously, Honorably, and proudly. One of the most amazing men i have ever known.  

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
Oh But baby most of all

I miss my friend
The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in
I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright

I miss those times
I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up
The morning talks
And those late afternoon walks
I miss my friend

Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But I did it anyway
And now maybe
Some would say your life was sad
But you lived it anyway
And so maybe
Your friends they stand around they watch your crumble
As you falter to the ground
And then someday
Your friends they stand beside as you were flying
Oh you were flying oh so high

But them someday people look at you for what they call their own
They watch you suffer
Yeah they hear you calling home
But then some day we could take our time
To brush the leaves aside so you can reach us
But you left me far behind

Now maybe
I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain

No, no, no
Couldn't share the pain, they watch you suffer

Now maybe I could have made my own mistakes
But I live with what I've known
And then maybe we might share in something great
But won't you look at where we've grown
Won't you look at where we've gone
But then someday comes tomorrow holds a sense of what I feel for you in my mind
As you trip the final line
And that cold day when you lost control
Shame you left my life so soon you should have told me
But you left me far behind

Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
No, no, no

Oh no
Oh no no no no
Now maybe I didn't mean to treat you oh so bad
But I did it anyway
Now maybe some would say you're left with what you had
But you couldn't share the pain
I said times have changed your friends
They come and watch you crumble to the ground
They watch you suffer
Yeah, they hold you down
Hold you down
Now maybe brother, maybe love
I didn't mean to treat you bad
But you left me far behind
Left me far behind
Left me far
Behind

moved. finally home. thank god

moving back to Salt Lake Tuesday.

 I confess that as a young girl I loved a man who would not marry me for want of a dowry. I confess I had a mother who taught me a different way, one I resisted at first but learned to embrace. I confess I became a courtesan, traded yearning for power, welcomed many rather than be owned by one. I confess I embraced a whore's freedom over a wife's obedience. I confess I find more ecstacy in passion than in prayer. Such passion is prayer. I confess I pray still to feel the touch of my lover's lips. His hands upon me, his arms enfolding me... Such surrender has been mine. I confess I pray still to be filled and enflamed. To melt into the dream of us, beyond this troubled place, to where we are not even ourselves. To know that always, this is mine. If this had not been mine-if I had lived any other way-a child to her husband's will, my soul hardened from lack of touch and lack of love... I confess such endless days and nights would be a punishment far greater than you could ever mete out. You, all of you, you who hunger so for what I give yet cannot bear to see that kind of power in a woman. You call God's greatest gift-ourselves, our yearning, our need to love-you call it filth and sin and heresy... I repent there was no other way open to me. I do not repent my life. 

"When I Look To The Sky"

I miss the look of surrender in your eyes
The way your soft brown hair would fall
I miss the power of your kiss when we made love
Oh, but baby most of all, I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend

I miss the colors that you brought into my life
Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes
And I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now
Saying it'll be alright, I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend

I miss those times, I miss those nights
I even miss our silly fights
The making up, the morning talks
And those late afternoon walks, I miss my friend

The one my heart and soul confided in
The one I felt the safest with
The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again
And let the light back in, I miss my friend
I miss my friend, I miss my friend, mmm, I miss my friend

I AM GOING TO BE A GRAND MOTHER TWICE.MY OLDEST SONS FIANCE IS ALSO EXPECTING, DUE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME DAY AS MY DAUGHTER. LETS SEE IF WE CAN GET THEM IN THE HOSPITAL AT THE SAME TIME!!!! DOUBLE THE MIRACLES IN MY LIFE!!!

Remember remember the fifth of November
Gunpowder, treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder, treason
Should ever be forgot...

official ruling by my Master

although i am only able to play sexually at this time,

It has been officially commanded i am NOT ALLOWED TO PLAY

OR DATE IN ANY MANNER UNTIL I HAVE MY NEUROSURGERY ON MY NECK AND HAVE OFFICIALLY COMPLETELY RECOVERED

I AM FIGHTING MEDICAID TO AUTHORIZE MY SURGERY, IF APPROVED I WILL HAVE MY SURGERY BY THE END OF OCTOBER, THEN IT TAKES APPROXIMATELY 2 MONTHS TO FULLY RECOVER. SO ANY AND ALL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN PLAY OR DATING, ETC. IT CAN NOT HAPPEN UNTIL THE END OF DECEMBER. SO IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SPEND TIME GETTING TO KNOW ME, AND BE FRIENDS, ETC. UNTIL THAT TIME, I AM MORE THAN HAPPY TO BE FRIENDS AND CHAT. IF YOU CANNOT OR WILL NOT WAIT THAT LONG I AM SORRY. BUT I HAVE WAITED FOR THIS SURGERY, FOUGHT AND GONE THROUGH HELL FOR THIS SURGERY FOR 2 YEARS NOW, IT IS VITAL I GET IT AND IT ALL GOES WELL. THOSE WHO ARE MY FRIENDS KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS/ IF THIS WORKS IT COULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER.

One of the greatest blessings i have known in this life is love. the love i have been given and the love i have given others. Only one other man has ever made me love him the way Mark does. i am powerless. There is nothing i could ever refuse him. I have been blessed and cursed by love in my life. This time it is truly a blessing. Never before have i felt like i am loved, respected, understood. Never before have i felt like the man i love is like the other side of me. The yin to my yang. 

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i must become fearless. i must become the empty sky, nothing left to accept, nothing let to reject. i am not a commodity to be used or sold. I am here to grow, to attain enlightenment. I will not give up the fight. i will not let go of the string of light and life that binds me tto all that i love to all that love me.

Clint,Richard, i will be along when it is my time, until that time i will fight for what is mine, for what i deserve, what i have spent a lifetime learning, growing, traveling between heaven and hell to find. I will be loved, i will find happiness and bliss. it is my birthright. and will not give up until it is mine.

One of the greatest loves of my life and one of my best friends on this earth Richard keith Kresser has passed away. He sleeps with the angels now. I wonder if he is the one who is calling me home. 

Right now i wonder why i keep fighting. i need a neurosurgery on my neck that could either change my life or kill me. i havehad congestive heart failure three times since coming to vegas. a heart attack two weeks ago. but i keep fighting. Because my children need their mommy even though they are grown, i have a grandson I want to see and hold just once before i die, a man i love with all my heart and soul that i am determined to be with, share a beautiful life and love with before i die. A Master that i serve that wants me and wants to share me with Mark when he comes home from Libya. Though i wonder if that will happen.

But if it is God that keeps calling me home with all of these health problems that have just happened since june, why do i keep fighting?

i dedicate myself to being the best slave i possibly can for this family and this Master. Until the day my beloved comes home from war.

things here are not well at all. these women are so negative and horrible to me. Master is giving me the chance to try to get along with them or i am gone next week. so if you are interested contact me. i would prefer to remain in the las vegas area as my neurosurgeon is here and i am in the process of getting nevada medicaid. please contact if interested.

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
Her placenta falls to the floor
The angel opens her eyes, the confusion sets in
Before the doctor can even close the door

Lightning crashes, an old mother dies
Her intentions fall to the floor
The angel closes her eyes, the confusion that was hers
Belongs now, to the baby down the hall

Oh now feel it comin' back again
Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it

Lightning crashes, a new mother cries
This moment she's been waiting for
The angels open her eyes, pale blue colored iris
Presents the sun and puts th glory out to hide, hide

Oh, now feel it comin' back again
Like a rollin' thunder chasing the wind
Forces pullin' from the center of the earth again
I can feel it

For the first time in so long i feel i am lost. Have no clue what i am doing. I have never been in such an unstable environment before in my life. 

Quiero ser tu heroe 

Si una vez yo pudiera llegar 
a erizar de frio tu piel 
a quemar que se yo, tu boca 
y morirme alli despues 
Y si entonces 
temblaras por mi 
lloraras al verme sufrir 
ay sin dudar tu vida entera dar 
como yo la doy por ti. 

Si pudiera ser tu heroe 
Si pudiera ser tu Dios 
que salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion. 

Si supieras 
la locura que llevo 
que me hiere 
y me mata por dentro 
y que mas da 
mira que al final 
lo que importa es que te quiero 

Si pudiera ser tu heroe 
Si pudiera ser tu Dios 
que salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion 

Ahaa...... 

dejame tocarte, quiero acariciarte 
una vez mas, mira que al final 
lo que importa es que te quiero 

Si pudiera ser tu heroe 
Si pudiera ser tu Dios 
que salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion 

Quiero ser tu heroe 
si pudiera ser tu Dios 
porque salvarte a ti mil veces 
puede ser mi salvacion 
puede ser mi salvacion 

The first time I looked in your eyes I knew
That I would do anything for you
The first time you touched my face I felt
Like I've never felt with anyone else

I wanna give back what you've givin' to me
And I wanna witness all of your dreams
Now that you've shown me who I really am
I wanna be more then just your man

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

When you wake up, I'll be the first thing you see
And when it gets dark you can reach out for me
I'll cherish your words and I'll finish your thoughts
And I'll be your compass baby, when you get lost

I wanna be the wind that fills your sails
And be the hand that lifts your veil
And be the moon that moves your tide
The sun coming up in your eyes
Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...

Be the wheels that never rust
And be the spark that lights you up
All that you've been dreaming of and more
So much more, I wanna be your everything...
I wanna be your everything

BRAND NEW PICS ON PROFILE. TAKEN TODAY ALL

Clinton Karl Garrett, I love you still and always. I summon thee. To my dreams and my side. Guide me on this journey i am about to take. Tell me i have made the right choice with this man. Give me the courage, now more than ever to see what is truly in my heart and follow it, commit to it, live by that commitment. And NEVER regret it. And above all, help me be a good mother, though they are grown.

I know when i finally join you in heaven we will sit and have a long talk over all of this mess i have made since you left this world. My love, my teacher, my angel and devil. You taught me about love, life, friendship, and magic above all magic.

I still wear your ashes around my neck. As i swore the day you died. Until the day i join you.

Clinton Karl Garrett February 9, 1971 to May 15, 2000. Be at peace my angel. I will be along shortly. 

HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!! SMILE SOMEONE LOVES YOU!!!

"Beautiful Soul"

[Intro:]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

[Chorus:]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Yeah

You might need time to think it over
But I'm just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon let's try

[Chorus]

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do?
I just wanna know that you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

[Chorus]

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I won't let another minute go to waste

I want you and your soul
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
Ooooooo
Beautiful Soul, yeah
Oooooo, yeah
Your beautiful soul
Yeah 

"Life After You"

Ten miles from town and I just broke down
Spittin' out smoke on the side of the road
I'm out here alone just tryin' to get home
To tell you I was wrong but you already know
Believe me I won't stop at nothin'
To see you so I've started runnin'

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
A've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

Last time we talked, the night that I walked
Burns like an iron in the back of my mind
I must've been high to say you and I
Weren't meant to be and just wasting my time
Oh, why did I ever doubt you?
You know I would die here without you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
A've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you

You and I, right or wrong, there's no other one
After this time I spent alone
It's hard to believe that a man with sight could be so blind
Thinkin' 'bout the better times, must've been outta my mind
So I'm runnin' back to tell you

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you God knows what I'd do

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
As long as I'm laughing with you
I'm thinkin' that all that still matters is love ever after
A've been through
'Cause I know there's no life after you 

"Something In Your Mouth"

Got to meet the hottie with the million dollar body
They say its over budget but you'd pay her just to touch it come on
Needs to hit the big screen and shoot a little love scene
If hollywood had called her she'd be gone before ya hollered come on

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long
Doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

Crafty little lip tricks
Tattoos on her left hip
She bending as your spending
Theres no end to it so baby come on
Dressed up like a princess
Bettin' that her skin smells better
Than the scent of every flower in the desert come on

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong
Every sugar daddy hittin on her all night long.
Doesn't care about the money she could be with anybody
Ain't it funny how the honey wanted you all along

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your mouth

She loves the night scene bar queen
Living for the fun taking over every dance floor like shes the only one
In the spotlight all night dissing everyone
And trying to look so innocent while sucking on her thumb

Your so much cooler
When you never pull it out
So much cuter
With something in your mouth

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake your ass around for everyone
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb

(you naughty thing)
Your ripping up the dance floor honey
(you naughty women)
You shake that ass around for everyone
(your such a mover)
I love the way you dance with anybody
(the way you swing)
And tease them all by sucking on your thumb
Your so much cooler when you never pull it out
Cause you look so much cuter with something in your 

"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go 

"Rockstar"

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial, well

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
lip sync 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar 

to find happiness, i would walk to the ends of the earth, sacrifice all i am all i have all i will ever be. To find the Master that truly understands a girls heart, who can hold it in his hands so carefully and never let it break. to understand one another to be able to see the same dream, to be able to compliment one anothers energies, the give and take to be able to dance between the darkness and the light. between heaven and hell. to find balance between his dominance and my submission. to find laughter and love and light.

why is it just when i am ready to settle, yet again, someone amazing walks into my life with such a casual unassuming manner. And he turns out to be someone i could give my life, my submission, my heart to? Someone who just thinking about him makes me fly? finally find that absolute true alpha dominant Male. how is it that i can be so enamored with a man like this at this point in my life? 

And I would do anything for love I'd run right into hell and back
I would do anything for love I'd never lie to you and that's a fact
But I'll never forget the way you feel right now, Oh no, no way
And I would do anything for love, but I won't do that No, I won't do that

Anything for love Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Some days it don't come easy Some days it don't come hard
Some days it don't come at all, and these are the days that never end
Some nights you're breathing fire Some nights you're carved in ice
Some nights you're like nothing I've ever seen before or will again

Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy and it's true
I know you can save me, no-one else can save me now but you

As long as the planets are turning As long as the stars are burning
As long dreams are coming true You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love And I'l be there until the final act
I would do anything for love, and I'll take a vow and seal a pact
But I'll never forgive myself if we don't go all the way, tonight
I would do anything for love Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that No, I won't do that

I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that

Some days I pray for silence Some days I pray for soul
Some days I just pray to the god of sex and drums and rock 'n' roll
Some nights I lose the feeling Some nights I lose control
Some nights I just lose it all when I watch you dance and the thunder rolls

Maybe I'm lonely, that's all I'm qualified to be
That's just one and only, the one and only promise I can keep

As long as the wheels are turning As long as the fires are burning
As long as your prayers are coming true You'd better believe it, that I would do

Anything for love And you know it's true and that's a fact
I would do anything for love, and there'll never be no turning back
But I'll never do it better than I do it with you. So long, so long
I would do anything for love Oh, I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that No, no, no, I won't do...

I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do that
I would do anything for love
Anything you've been dreaming of, but I just won't do...

But I'll never stop dreaming of you ev'ry night of my life, no way
I would do anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Will you raise me up? will you help me down?
Will you get me right out of this godforsaken town?
Will you make it all a little less cold?

I can do that
I can do that

Will you hold me sacred? Will you hold me tight?
Can you colourise my life, I'm so sick of black and white?
Can you make it all a little less old?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that

Will you make me some magic with your own two hands?
Will you build and emerald city with these grains of sand?
Can you give me something I can take home?

I can do that
I can do that

Will you cater to every fantasy I got?
Will you hose me down with holy water, if I get too hot?
Will you take me places I've never known?

I can do that
Oh no, I can do that

After a while you'll forget everything
It was a brief interlude and a midsummer night's fling
And you'll see that it's time to move on

I won't do that
I won't do that

I know the territory, I've been around
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down
Sooner or later you'll be screwing around

I won't do that
No, I won't do that

Anything for love
Oh, I would do anything for love
I would do anything for love, but I won't do that
No, I won't do that

looking at all my options. thank you all for your interest. you should know a few things. first, before i consider relocation i am in the process of having neurosurgery on my neck and will take 2 months to recover before i can relocate. i also have bad knees so i cannot kneel for long periods of time

Things did not work out with Master Allen. We still live together and he takes care of me but it has become strictly a domestic situation. i am searching again for the real thing. Total domination and use.

As the day grows nearer for my branding i find that i am excited more than afraid of such intense pain. i cant wait for this experience and mark forever on my body for my Master.

A wedding ring can be taken off.

A collar unlocked and removed.

A marriage certificate errased by divorce

A tattoo removed or covered up.
But a brand is his mark on my body for the rest of my life. it cannot be altered or removed. Making the commitment between us mean more than any other.

I long for that pain, cleansing my body. For the tears that cleanse my soul.

The day after yule i am to be branded with Masters initials into my bottom. It is an honor to receive such a mark of ownership. Does anyone know about the aftercare and healing procedures for strike brands?

Now living with Master Allen in Salt Lake City, Utah. Life is wonderful so far. This is everything i have ever dreamed it could be. He is wonderful, loving, strict, yet kind. Thank you to everyone on here who has become my friend over the last year. I will try to keep in touch when i can get to the computer.
I am being branded with his initial on my bottom on yule. I am so happy.

Sorry i have not written a journal entry in a month. But my computer was down until last night.
Everything in my entire life has changed drastically. Sometimes it doesnt seem like it. But i know it is for the better. The judge finally got tired of my troubled son defying his court orders and refusing to attend outpatient treatment. So he was taken into states custody indefinately. Not because i failed as a parent but because of my sons refusal to obey the laws. He is in a 45 day observation and assessment where the state will decide what he needs and will see to it he has no choice but to comply. After the state is finished with him and he is returned to me he will no longer be living with me. My father is assuming custody until he is 18. I have done it by myself every day since my last Master died 18 months ago and have not done well. So my father is going to see to it he complete school and give him all the things necessary for him to succeed that i cannot.
But since he is now in states custody i no longer get assistance for him and no longer have any means to pay the rent and survive. So i sold the trailer, and am throwing out, selling or giving away literally everything i own except clothes and a couple boxes of personal items. It is completely overwhelming. But i need to do this. Clear out all the junk in my life and start over. Some days its really hard but i have no where to put any of it anyways.
As for my ownership and future living situation. It is something i never dreamed of. Allen the Master in SLC that i met in April that i was so completely sure was Master right, broke up with me shortly after my return here because of my out of control son. Well we have stayed in constant contact and he knows literally everything i have gone through. He called a few weeks ago and told me to sell everything i own and come live with him as his slave forever. He offered me a home, is willing to take care of me in all the ways i need to be, and all i have to do is serve him every day as i do everytime i come to salt lake to be with him. His demands are unlike any other Master ever. First that i focus on my health, physical and mental. get in with all the dr.s i need to esp the things i have had to put off while living alone down here. Continue with my mental health, he knows how much i have been through and knows that will be the key to me being happy. That i volunteer one day a week at like the VA or something. i didnt understand why at first. But he knows that i have shut out the world for the most part and says that i need to become part of it again in a safe way. Noone ever has cared about something like that. esp. not enough to make it a condition of ownership. But the big one is that all of my older children not know where we live. They have all proven over and over that they will always steal from me, manipulate me and abuse me anyway they can. And our home is my safe space. i can still communicate with them when i am able to forgive them for all they have done, and see them at their places but not his. And of course that i serve him like he has never been served by any other slave in his life. Thats the easy part. it is the only way i know how to serve. With all the love in my heart, with respect, completely open and honest in all things. And i make it my goal every day that he is sure that is the happiest man on earth. So i now have until the first week in November to have all my things gone through and gotten rid of. That i keep like 2 boxes of paperwork, pictures, things i cant live without. My clothes, only the shoes i wear all the time, the closet full that i love so much but never wear has already been given away, my huge BDSM, sex toy collection, cuz well thats something i cant live without, my sons things that i am taking to my dads for when he gets out, and my computer. Literally everything else in my house and life goes. Its funny since Master Wolfe died i have fought so hard to not lose everything i own now i realize it wasnt worth the fight.

In Salt Lake on vacation and to take care of family business. Will be home next thrus. please be patient if you are waiting for an answer to an email. i do not have internet access at the house. I have to go to the library with Master Allens card to use the computer and its a long walk to get here so i only do it every few days. When i get home next thurs. i will be more on top of it then.
Master Frank says he is coming to see me before the end of September. i hope he comes right after i get home. i so want to know if this is the real thing if we are compatable in person like we are online and by phone.

Sympathy For The Devil
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

 I was 'round when Jesus Christ
Had his moment of doubt and pain
Made damn sure that Pilate
Washed his hands and sealed his fate

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

I stuck around St. Petersberg
When I saw it was a time for a change
Killed the Czar and his ministers
Anastasia screamed in vain

I rode a tank
Held a general's rank
When the Blitzkrieg raged
And the bodies stank

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guess my name, oh yeah
What's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah

I watched with glee
While your kings and queens
Fought for ten decades
For the Gods they made

I shouted out
"Who killed the Kennedys?"
When after all
It was you and me

Let me please introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
And I laid traps for troubadors
Who get killed before they reached Bombay

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, oh yeah, get down, baby

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, oh yeah
But what's confusing you
Is just the nature of my game

Just as every cop is a criminal
And all the sinners saints
As heads is tails
Just call me Lucifer
'Cause I'm in need of some restraint

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah

Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game, um baby, get down

Woo, who
Oh yeah, get on down
Oh yeah
Oh yeah!

Tell me baby, what's my name
Tell me honey, baby guess my name
Tell me baby, what's my name
I tell you one time, you're to blame

Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Ooo, who, who
Oh, yeah

What's my name
Tell me, baby, what's my name
Tell me, sweetie, what's my name

SMOOTH
Man, it's a hot one
Like seven inches from the midday sun
Well, I hear you whispering in the words, to melt everyone
But you stay so cool
My muñequita, my Spanish Harlem, Mona Lisa
You're my reason for reason
The step in my groove
And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth
And it's just like the ocean under the moon
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah
Give me your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it
But I'll tell you one thing
If you would leave it would be a crying shame
In every breath and every word
I hear your name calling me out
Out from the barrio
You hear my rhythm on your radio
You feel the turning of the world, so soft and slow
Turning you round... and round
And if you said this life ain't good enough
I would give my world to lift you up
I could change my life to better suit your mood
'Cause you're so smooth
And it's just like the ocean under the moon
Oh, it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kind of lovin' that can be so smooth, yeah
Give me your heart, make it real
Or else forget about it
Or else forget about it
Or else forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Give me your heart, make it real
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it
Let's don't forget about it!

My Master is driving me insane. Now i cant call him sexy, cuz other women can't call him that. its so not fair. He is the sexiest man i have ever been with and i am not allowed to call him sexy. What up with that.

Well, they didn't release my son today from Dt. the judge wants a letter from the REACH program stating that they will take him back. So i went to the program and because of my sons social anxiety they feel group isn't what is best for my son so they are starting him out in individualized counseling and treatment and family treatment, then working to get him ready to return to REACH. So i don't know if the judge will go for that. But they are writing a letter to the judge to state the plan they have for him. Hopefully that will be good enough for the judge to release my son next week when we go back to court.
i need to get this all together and get my son home soon. i know this may be what is best for him, but it is killing me not to have him home with me.
Master used to be able to talk to me about everything. or so i thought. But now he won't open up to me and tell me what is wrong. i dont understand why. i understand he lost trust in me when i attempted suicide and i need to build that trust back. But it is not like i have ever betrayed him in any way to make him not confide in me when something is wrong. Hopefully one day he realsizes he can talk to me about anything. That it is my duty as he slave and as his friend to be there for him and listen. That i would never judge him.

"COME ON GET HIGHER"

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in
If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what’s next Make you believe,
make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
I miss the sound of your voice
The loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember All the violent, sweet,
perfect words that you said
if I could walk on water, if i could tell you what’s next, make you believe,
make you forget
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
I miss the pull of your heart
I can taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils And God
when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on - HOLD
Singing shalala la Singing shalala lala
Ooooooo Ooooooo Oooooooooooooooo
Come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire in the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard And drown me,
drown me in love
(come on get higher, loosen my lips)
Its all wrong
(faith and desire at the swing of your hips)
Its all wrong
(just pull me down hard and drown me in love)Its all right
So, come on, get higher Come on, get higher
Cause everything works love
Everything works in your arms

Well, he finally pushed the envelope and his probation officer put out a pick up order and he is back in DT. So i have some free time on my hands.
And i was offered to do a photo shoot in Vegas. so i am going on Thurs. so i will have new photos on my profile friday. I am excited. This is going to be fun.

LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR I WILL NOT RELOCATE OUTSIDE OF THE US AND WILL NOT RELOCATE ANYONE HERE FROM OUTSIDE OF THE US. I AM LOOKING FOR A REAL, LIFE LONG RELATIONSHIP WITH THE RIGHT PERSON. I AM NOT A FREE TICKET TO CITIZENSHIP. PLEASE DO NOT EMAIL ME IF YOU ARE FROM OUTSIDE OF THE US ESP. IF YOU ARE FROM NIGERIA. MY MAILBOX IS FULL ENOUGH.