grrl6

yip, yip, yip y'all---------the cat is inside so i just have a li'l while, is it just me or is everyone LOVING the new auto-response feature recently added to collarme mail? Now, I can with the click of a button reply to the umpteenth illiterate dom who for the umpteenth time has sent me the umpteenth unsolicited response to my profile that reads, 'you have a beautiful smile', 'where in NM are you? i'm an old el paso boy and might be back.', 'do you think you like to serve me?', or worst of all; the one who sends a several page long description of his wants, needs and desires followed by a request for me to send him more pictures, especially nude ones. With one simple click I can let the aforementioned dom know in no uncertain terms that he has approached the wrong African American sub who has expressed her disinterest in being owned, or otherwise used by Caucasian doms. For the few who might actually read this entry, this is what the response will look like, "As I have often posted to both my profile and in this journal, I do not now or ever intend to serve or be used by a Caucasian dom. Your pitiful attempt to verify the veracity of this statement is why you are receiving this response. Notice: It is the only response you will ever receive. PS I do not care whether or not you think I?m a racist/bigot/bitch/fill-in-the-expletive here. You are not important to me, get it?"

Kudos again to collarme.com?s admin/webmaster/mistress for the best feature!!!!!!!!! Every site that has a mailbox should have one. Staples doesn?t have an easy button collarme does. Yip, yip, yip, y?all that darn cat is back. Cya later, masturbator.

yip, yip, yip, y'all gon' get sick of me, but damn how many times is it necessary for me to say
NO CAUCASIAN DOMS EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
for THEM to get it. The 400+ years folks who look like you oppressed folks who looked like me is not a time I cherish and want to re-enact.PERIOD. No amount of harrassing, cajoling, etc. will change that. In fact, the more mail I get from Doms who are illiterate or choose to only fixate on my picture without reading either my profile or journal entries, the less interest I have in changing my opinion. I will not be polite enough to suggest they read my profile anymore I will merely ignore them and not respond in any way to their mail. Enough about them----

CASE CLOSED:
I woke up with this on my heart today. I'm not sure why but here it is anyway. Why is it that Doms who don't want you or want what's best for you------can't stay away and leave you alone after it's over? When I was fully available to you, you said I wanted too much of your time and energy---------well sir, now I want none yet you spend so much. Stop writing me, sending cryptic, clandestine email to me--------it's been nearly a year------I don't repeat my mistakes, and if I didn't trust you before I certainly don't trust you now. You know who you are and I know you are still cyber-stalking me----------QUIT IT! There is another who is likely wondering if I mean him but will think the nearly a year let's him off the hook---------you can quit it, too. Remember I wanted you, I wanted to serve you, and be all that I thought I had in me to be for and to you, but you said I was needy, you had family issues you needed to work out. I am thankful to you for all I learned whether the lessons were intentional or not. That is all. It will not change. Move on. I have. There is no future for us, hell, there is no us. There never was. I am really not sure why being mulish about something is perceived by some of you here as being Dominant----being mulish is simply that being an ASS!!! Please believe me, I know what I don't want even if I'm not yet sure wht I do want. The reason I don't know what I want is that my experience r/t is limited-nonexistent, depending on your perspective. I have done research and continue to do more, but until you have really been a ponygirl, pet in a cage, or made to cum till you literally can't anymore you really don't know how it will effect you. As to those who will ask, I only respond to questions of specific interest and experience to those who need to know. If you need to know I will tell you truthfully. That's why I'm here----------seeking TRUTH.
yip, yip, yip y'all back under the porch. it's the coolest spot in the yard. i'll get back to nibblin' on shrimp and mudbugs, and lapping Perrier Jouet and Chambord from my dish. enjoy the summer. try to stay out of the heat. if you're nice you can join me under the porch, it's nice and shady down here. (this bitch will always have caviar taste no matter what her budget, but unlike some she really does know the difference) yip, yip, yip.

yip, yip, yip. don't ya just hate loud ankle biters. well we wanna be heard too.
i will not submit to a Dom of any other than African lineage. i had planned to bask in the glow of admiration being cast in my direction recently. but the question of time has come up again. i had a Dom start our first 'real' conversation with an order. i mentioned to Him that i thought it a bit sudden, and He of course laughed it off. my limited experience has taught me that these things do not take place in a few emails, notes, or phone conversations. so for now, i seek to learn more about the big yard. i seek to learn more about myself wants/needs/desires. i seek to find a friend who may be just what i need/want/desire and who will take His time to let me discover that He is exactly that before trying to force me into His wants/needs/desires. this has been the most common experience. the individual it seems has no interest or desire to know who i really am, but wants to make me into what they perceive SHE should be. this may be a result of excitement on their part or merely lack of discipline and patience, i don't pretend to know which or if either. what i do know is that that situation is not the one for me. tough lesson, but one i have finally learned. much to the chagrin, i'm sure of those who will come after and think my newness=foolhardy eagerness. it did. it does not anymore. i will not submit to a Dom of any other than African lineage. i have found their hurry was predicated on their inability to go the distance.  so that is a new measure of appropriateness for me. i find it is too painful for all parties to start and stop in the middle of this all-consuming process. i do not desire to go through this again(though i'm not silly enough to think i won't), and i hope to spare others from this fate. there is no rush if in fact it is S/He or s/he, the CREATOR will see to it that those S/He selects to be yoke will be such. patience is a virtue,  that NEVER goes unrewarded, as a friend reminded me today. i will not submit to a Dom of any other than African lineage.
back now to basking though. thank you for the well wishes for myself, my personal family issues, and on my journey to self's center. i have felt more loved in the last few weeks than in recent years. i look in the mirror to see the pretty lady i keep hearing so much about. i had begun to disbelieve that, thanks for the reminders. when we are so separated from one another we tend to forget those things that makes us beautiful to us are the very things the masses would call unattractive and occasionally we believe them. so thank you. i am learning so much from all of you. i may not ask questions because they may in time answer themselves, so please know that if we are communicating, i am learning something; even if it wasn't what you meant to teach.  and to the wonderful Dom who offered to take my hammer from me, thank you. i will work on that, and work towards being more kind to myself. you were right about the pace of the "hurry-up-and-obey-Me" Doms in my past, and i will pay closer attention to them in the future.
i guess that's enough for now. i really do enjoy this practice and i thank the Dom who set me to this task, even though we did not continue, this does. take comfort in that. yip, yip, yip. i'll return to the safety of my spot under the rocker now. until next week, abundant blessings to all. and thanks to all who are praying for me.
Notice:for those of you this does not apply to please excuse the periodic breaks for clarity. no matter how many times i say it; it seems White Doms can not accept that i want nothing more than friendship from them. so unfortunately for the rest of you i must interrupt the rest of this message to let them know i have not changed my mind yet.i will not submit to a Dom of any other than African lineage.

yip, yip, yip. The view from the porch is quite lovely. 

i would first like to thank all those who have offered friendship and guidance as i continue on my journey to the center of self. i recently was informed that all of the men who have extended their hands in friendship are full of it; as men and women are not able to enjoy genuine friendships without sexual tension and intent. i expressed my sorrow that this individual has yet to encounter a woman he could be friends with. i have however learned enough to know that anyone who honestly believes this is not someone who i woould wish to serve, as this is not someone who could genuinely care about any woman without having use of her body. it seems that some here have forgotten the cardinal rule of all relationships----Friends first, Love lasts.

i will continue to learn about this community, this life, about myself and most importantly about my desire to serve, whom i wish to serve, and what that means about me and for me.

For those Caucasian Doms who still think that the way to my heart is through debates about race, racism, and my personal preference not to serve them; please save yourselves you will only leave frustrated from having completely wasted your time here. You merely reinforce my previous opinions of you. 

To those Caucasian Doms who have extended their hands in true friendship, you are far fewer but dearer to me, "Thank You", for restoring my faith in humanity.

To He who would bind my body, mind, and spirit beautifully........i can't wait. i'll bring the duct tape.

To the beautiful sisters who have befriended me, mere words can not adequately express my love and respect for you. I hope to have ample opportunities to share and converse with you all. 

To those who were before, i thank you all for all that you taught me, both intentionally and unintentionally. The lessons were priceless.

yip, yip, yip.

On Nov. 8, 2004, i requested and was granted my release from servi ce to SirGULOS of MD. it was with a heavy heart that i made that request after it became clear to me that at this time i am not suited to the family structure SirGULOS is building in MD.

I have retreated to the personal dungeon of my tortured soul to recover. I will continue to study/learn/grow there.

LESSONS LEARNED:
Say what i mean and stick with it; compromise breeds resentment.
Slow and steady wins the race.
Honor honors all.

To SirGULOS: My thanks for the lessons.

To my sisters in chains: Never give up. I won't.

To Doms/Masters: I will continue to respond in similar fashion to the messages i receive. (If You are rude, so too will i be rude.)


To all: Thank you. Good, bad, or indifferent---your thoughts/messages/wishes have brought me here.


Ashe.

There will be a lunar eclipse tonight. In lunar eclipses, the moon passes through the shadow of the Earth, blocking the sunlight that gives moonshine its shine. The period of totality -- when the moon will be completely within the Earth's shadow -- will begin at 10:23 p.m. Eastern time and end at 11:45 p.m., according to a Web site maintained by Fred Espenak of NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center. The eclipse will reach totality about 11 p.m. The light of tenderness, caring, devotion, and absolute DOMINION shined on my soul by Sir GULOS will brighten the heavens with its brilliance. Though the moon will appear dark to us. Be careful, don't stare into it too long. W/we can not be responsible for the results. It may make you smile and feel a little better about the days and nights ahead of you, ENJOY!!!! I know the light is with me now and always.

Wow. When i posted that entry on Monday, i should have expressed that those were feelings i'd had when i updated my ad here, and thought that i had added them at that time.
Alot has occurred since Monday. Actually alot had been in the works since last Monday.
Last Monday, i replied to the ad of a Dominant whose ad spoke to my soul, and my goals and desires for my submission. He was kind enough to respond and we have been engaged in conversation since then.

As He awakens my spirit and lights my way through the dark places, i have gifted myself with submission to Him.
 
SirGULOS has given me the focus i'd longed for and presents the nature of challenge that i so desperately need.
i am truly blessed to have the protection and care of One so gifted and honest about His abilities and challenges.

i am permitted by Him to converse with both Dom/Master and sub/slave; so long as the conversation is respectfully of my station. i will not entertain any conversation or dialogue which is any way contrary to that. i do not gain pleasure from bringing dishonor on the light of my soul.

Life is learning. Experiences provide knowledge. I have learned that I'm not as ready as I had earlier thought to embark on a full-blown relationship, yet. I still believe that I can/will find great joy in a power exchange relationship; I just need to reevaluate my needs and desires more fully. I still hope to learn all that I can about this lovestyle. I hope that those of you who have an interest to share your acquired knowledge will.
Thank you.
Ashe.
grrl6