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Beliefs revealing of my approach:

It is the Submissive player, and not the Dominant player that is the center of the experience.

A successful scene should appeal to all of the senses.

A successful scene should include the restoration of equity at its conclusion.

Do not feel compeled to complete a scene that goes sour. If this occurs frequently, you probably need to take a step back and evaluate yourself.

A Dominant need not feel the expectation if infalibility from the submissive. Mistakes are OK .... learn to work through them.

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11/10/2003 8:34:01 AM
Advise for submissive women searching for a Dominant Man:

I have 4  unsolicited pieces of advise to you advise at this time in regards to your search: 

a) Be very observant. With great thought and caution appraise others for sincerity. On the surface your ad  is appealing to a great number of men .. unfortunately  there are far fewer able of providing for you as YOU need.  You need a Man who IS able, not a man who just who wants to be able but really isn't .. and the latter sort will NEVER admit or recognize his true nature. 

b) Enjoy the process of searching. Shopping is fun. Even when it is for your own Boss (who will eventually find yourself serving!) Compare. Contrast. Take it slow. Make sure it is right. Let him prove he is worthy of your Loyalty and Servitude. It is truly a remarkable and great gift you offer and should be offered only to the one who is worthy.

c) Remember reality. "This space" is a wonderful place to visit (and sometimes for extended periods of time), but to literally live it without rest from sun up to sundown for years is tiring and  unmanageably draining emotionally. I know SCORES of people who claim to want this, other who have tried, but NOT ONE who truly does it or is capable without a rest - 24/7 (literally speaking) has driven many a good people insane - both Sub and Dom. 

Please do seek someone who will allow you to move in and out of the role, and in fact someone who will encourage it. "24/7" talk is fun (very fun!) , but let's remember as you go through life and improve hopefully you will have a Master that will encourage your betterment and accept that there are things that YOU will be better at than HE. Such a state of varying abilities between people is just nature in motion.

d) Mistakes are OK. Do not be too hard on yourself. Do not be too hard on him as being a Dominant in role play is VERY hard work.

e) Your real life values are not in conflict with enjoying this slice of your life. You are NOT alone in that respect.

11/8/2003 7:53:55 AM

Fred on "the first meeting":

For months, you have interected with her  over the internet or phone.  You have heard the voice, heard the feelings and apprehension, but finally you get to meet her.

Your heart is pounding and your mind is hazy, your palms warm. Your face feels flushed. Am I dressed well enough?  Will I light her fire? Do I have all the supplies? Will she even show? Etc, etc.
 
As you walk toward the hotel, you as the big question" "Who knows?" ... Does the girl behind the hotel desk suspect my "evil" intent? Will she ask me what brings me to town? Can she see my heart in my eyes?  

Every step is taken done with caution.

You get the key and head for the room. The elevator is unusually quite. The door closes. You feel as if you are "in the clear".

When in the room, you wait. And wait. And wait. You pace. Your eyes scour the room ... does the bathroom look clean? Is the bed made?

The clock ticks and its sound comes to the fron of your mind. Its sound  comsumes you. 
 
Then finally the cell phone rings. She is in the Lobby. You give her the room number. The phone quickly clicks .. She is on her way up .....

=====================

OK ....  I have met with professional submissives routinely for 13 years.  The number of sessions exceeds 120 and the number of submissive partners nears 40. really. I have made my share of mistakes but now have a style that rarely does a submissive object to.

How you approach a first session will   define not only the joy of the day, but the potential for and success of future  meetings.

First things first. The first thing to remember is that this is a person you meet with. She is someone's daughter - she has aspirations and interests and fears .......
if one remembers those simple things, a lot of other things will just fall into place. Now some specifics:

In first meetings, I first recommend taking a LOT OF TIME.

Let the first few hour (yes, hour) of the first meeting focus on getting to know each other. You are NOT wasting you money (or time if money is not involved) by doing so. Trust me. IT will only make the experience better for you and for her.

One nice method is to start of with "normal, real world getting to know you conversation" and sloooooowly work into a scene that focuses on something very simple like Domestic Servitude. Keep the clothes on. Lots of eye contact. Plenty of smiles and laughs .....and physical distance of at least 5 feet for the first half hour. 

What I am trying to say is "Don't go right for the heavy stuff right away.... take your time.  She will really appreciate that.

Now these "start out slow" scenes  offer both parties a very warm feeling when done right.
 
He (the Dom) will feel cared for and she (the Sub) will feel cared for by caring for him, and how he treats her during the service. 

As the Dom, for me that means plenty of pets, carresses and nice words for my submissive, lots of up close "whispering" interaction. 

I take it slow (as in many hours, not minutes) before I get to traditionally heavier elements of the scene. Define the roles with words and deeds, soft lighting, warm smiles, plenty of eye contact (I can not stress the affect that good eye contact has on a submissive role player) .  These are all nice.

As things progress to "the next level"
I encourage plenty of activities that will subtly define the roles. Fetching wine and other amenities, holding my glass, kneeling properly (but comfortably), assuming positions that add interest and enticement to the female form (tastefully kneeling on all fours is a favorite). Slow dances are a real treat when performed to nice soft music if she is so inclined to serve with dance. 

Treating her well is mandatory. 

Feeding my slave treats she really enjoys as she serves me is a nice touch and always goes a long way with a slave.  Give her a simple massage as she kneels. Coo in her ear. Tell her she looks nice ...  tell her "Thank you" (and mean it) - after all this is a remarkable gift she offers and it should be appreciated.   

Warm surroundings, and calming mood defining music are other things that come to mind that encourage success. In short, the sense that "no expense is too much" to make it right is an element that brings the submissive out in almost all submissive women. This makes them feel very cared for .....

Always remember when entering the heavier elements of the scene to let her limits guide the experience. You will never go wrong by starting out on the light side and progressing to heavier things. Let's take spanking as an example: Starting with light pats and moving up costs you nothing ...  soon enough you will learn how much she likes does or does not like spanking.  Remember that everyone is different - really!

Summary: It should be the goal of the Dom to instill confidence in servitude, not fear. I WANT her to want to serve me (again and again) .. Just ask yourself  "What must I do to make this happen?" 

Yes, corrective measures may be used, but initially I believe they are counterproductive. The first goal is trust. I am, in short, an incrementalist in this realm. Start slow and dothe right things first.

One last comment, is that at the end of a session, equity should be restored. Your actions at the end of a session should reestablish the fact that you are equals, and that the special place in which you just shared is a very temporary place.

Well ,, that is probably about enough for now .. fell free to write any time, and please do not be offended by lags in response time ....

Stay safe, Have fun.

Regards,
Fred


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subkatie69
 
 Age: 30
 Gulf breeze, Florida