I understand that there are many different dynamics of this lifestyle.  May be as many as there are people in it.  And yes, each relationship is different from every other in some way.  This is a subjective lifestyle and that is what makes it what it is I think.  The way that two (or however many are in the relationship) are able to make it their own.  It has individuality of gigantic proportions and nobody should question how another does what they do.  But one thing that it seems to me that is or should be (in my humble opinion) in each one is a basic respect.  Now I am not saying everyone should have blind respect for everyone because some people are just unable to be respected.  But, within the relationship it seems there should be some kind of respect.  A babygirl should respect the authority of her Daddy Dom and He should respect her as well.  Master should have the respect of His slave as well as He have respect for her.  Respect is just something that I see as universal in these relationships if they are to last.  And we may not agree with the level of respect being asked for or afforded in some cases but that is not for us to decide.

My question is this.  When the level of respect that one that is owned shows toward others becomes obvious that it is little or none, does that not show more than one thing?  Doesn’t it show first of all that they have no respect for themselves and their position in this lifestyle?  And second does it not show they have little or no regard for who they are serving by reflecting badly on them?  But, and maybe this is just me, why would anyone want to reflect badly on someone they “love” or serve?  And, on the flip side, why would someone not want to correct that in their one or why would they want someone like that in the first place?  I mean, if One owns another they should know who and what they are owning right? 

No I am not owned so maybe I am talking out of turn.  The thing for me is that I have been owned, I have belonged to someone, and I have always tried to make sure that I was someone who they could point out and say “see that girl, she is Mine and she is a damn good girl”.  That is what I aim for when I am owned.  I feel like I have failed if by anything I have done my One looks foolish or not in control of His.  I never want anyone to tell my One He needs to control me because I did something disrespectful, ignorant, or idiotic.  I prefer to see pride in Ones eyes than seeing disgust in many others eyes.  And in my opinion, both of those cannot happen at the same time if the One is doing their job and I am doing mine. 

foolishangel

Fakes and Frauds

It amazes me sometimes how a sub can manipulate and work things around to their own way.  I mean they are supposed to be collared to someone yet they are truly running the whole thing and He is just too oblivious to see it.  It is topping from the bottom with a flair for manipulation.  Is that normal in a D/s relationship?  Is it what a sub is supposed to look for is a Dom who she can manipulate by causing herself to get into a jam and then crying out for Him to save her from it?  Is that what this lifestyle has come to?  I am just flabbergasted that someone cannot see the forest for the trees.  But, then it fits with someone who in all reality, in my opinion, is as fake as a three dollar bill. 

It just seems that so many have been online so long without really going out there that they sink into this make believe world that letters make a collar and that is what garners respect.  Then their subs, because they have letters on their name in a chat room, think they can talk trash, start trouble and then run and hide behind those letters.  I am all for if someone is really a D/s couple, whether it be online or in real time that they should be respected.  The thing is, that respect truly has to start in the relationship before it can be taken seriously by others.  If a sub is being disrespectful and rude to others, it shines on her Dominant.  That is the way it is in the real world as well as online.  Therefore He looks like He has little or no control, or like He is not expecting to have it and just wants to play pretend. 

It gets very disheartening to watch such Dominants and subs try to tell others how they should act when they do not lead by example.  It is like saying you earn respect but you should automatically respect those letters behind her name because they are my letters.  Really???!!!  The respect in any situation has to be earned and if the sub is cutting that respect off at the knees and then running to hide behind her Dominant that will take her side without even seeing how she is acting it is just a joke.  Frankly it makes me sick.  There are many here who deserve that respect because they earn it every day.  Others, well, they show every day why they do not deserve a drop of it.  Those who do that are frankly as bad as the people that they themselves talk about who they are worried will come into a room and be disrespectful and want to just be a troll.  If you want to be respected, take a look in the mirror to see if there is something in you that you would respect from looking in.  I sincerely doubt it in some cases.

foolishangel

Girls want attention, Women want respect. ~unknown

I have noticed this a lot that the ones who want to be the center of attention do seem to act like little girls.  Giggling and being all snarky at others.  In all reality I think the ones who will do that, or do things such as being rude to others are quite sad.  I mean it is up to them if they want to be seen in that light but, for myself, I want to be seen as the woman that I am.  I do not want to be seen as someone that anyone can have but instead one who many would be honored to have.  There is a difference.  That difference is respect over attention.  If someone cannot give me respect then everyone sees that.  I do not want people to look at me and say oh her she is just an attention princess.  I want them to see me for my intelligence, my wit, and most of all my respect for myself. 

And, if I was to be connected with someone I would want them to feel who they are with is respected and therefore He was as well.  When you make an ass of yourself then everyone sees that as the One who owns you is not in control at all.  I do not want to have people look at my One and think He has no control over me but also it shows He has no control over Himself either.  Bratty behavior can be fun at times but only if it is done respectfully. Some it seems do not care what is respectful but instead only see how to get attention.  I will set in the corner and watch and talk when I have something intelligent to say before I become one of the bubble headed idiots who tend to think status and attention is what is important.

foolishangel

Character is much easier kept than recovered. ~Thomas Paine

I try to be real and be me no matter where I am or who I am talking to.  It seems sometimes that is taken advantage of.  I think it takes character to be real.  If one has character they do not have to lie or deceive anyone because their character has already been proven.  But, those who decide to chuck their character to the side for the playing of the game, well, I feel sorry for them.  Frankly I would have a hard time keeping up with the lies if I felt I had to lie and deceive anyone to get my way.  What does anyone get from doing that?  I mean maybe a moment or two of satisfaction that they have gotten over on someone.  But, does that really make anyone satisfied? 

Does Sadist mean that someone has to harm someone so deep they feel they will never be able to come back from it?  What good does that do the Sadist because then they have to start all over with the game.  And that is what it is, a game to those who harm someone intentionally without their consent.  But, if they are able to harm someone I guess in a way they are given consent to do so whether it be verbal or nonverbal.  Sadly though, even for us who tend to be masochists, we do not expect to be harmed beyond rebounding. 

I guess we all bounce back eventually, or we don’t.  I just wish this dark tunnel I seem to be wandering through lately would come to an end.  I don’t think I can take much more and I truly am afraid of what straw will be the last one.  It all frightens me.

foolishangel

STRENGTH

Perhaps strength doesn’t reside in never having been broken, but in the courage to grow strong in the broken places ~ Unknown

In this quote I am not sure it speaks of submission but it speaks to me of it.  In my experience of submitting to another I struggled to let go with most to whom I was submissive.  Whether it be because trust was not complete or because I had just had something that stood in the way, I struggled.  Until the last One I gave it all to.  The freedom I felt letting myself completely trust, completely handing it over was something of amazement to me.  I felt the strength of handing it over and not thinking twice about it because it felt right.  In the end it was not right, it was even to the point of being foolish on my part to let it happen.  I was asked recently what was the hardest task I ever had as a submissive and why.  The answer came to me without even thinking.  The hardest thing I ever did was to say no to someone I had never said no to and it hurt me beyond belief.  It broke me into little pieces and shattered something inside me.  It meant in my mind that I had failed, and I felt I had failed Him.  The strange thing is that He put me in a position to have to say no because He wanted me to fail.  He wanted a reason to make me feel I had failed.  And it was not for His control of me but to relieve Him of that control.  Because, once I said no it gave Him all He needed to sever what ties we had.  It was the cowards way out but it was His way.  The second hardest task I had to do was to walk away from that situation because if I didn’t I knew I would never heal from it otherwise. 

The thing that I have noticed since then though is that I have had to become stronger.  I don’t want to be strong.  I want to just crawl into someone elses arms and feel that I mean something.  I have gotten to that point a couple of times since, where I think that might be close to happening.  But, it seems those visions were just a mirage put there by the hunger and the need inside me.  Yes the realization that I was reaching hurt me but not half as much as when I was shattered.  And somehow that hurt strengthened me in who I am and what I am.  It made me look at what I need, and what kind of person to avoid.  And this may sound selfish but it made me realize that I cannot look at what the quest is that someone else has but my own journey and what it needs to be.  If that makes me seem less submissive then so be it.  I know what the feeling was to give it all and all I want is someone who will treasure what I give as much as I treasure giving it.  I don’t think that is too much to ask.  Yet it seems it may be too much for someone else to handle.  Is that me being stubborn, maybe.  Is that me being safe, probably.  But, if and when I feel I can give all that away again I want that freeing feeling to belong to someone who can understand it, nurture it, and want it.  So the pieces that were shattered are being strengthened every day by those who do not understand it and instead prefer to crush the pieces to sand.  Sand can become glass or it can become concrete, and I prefer not to shatter again so the choice is made.

foolishangel

GENUINE

I have heard that word a lot lately.  Some I take it as a compliment because I truly do not try to be something I am not.  But I have found very recently to my sadness that people will say anything to put you in a place of vulnerability.  Some of them even want you in that vulnerable spot because they want to pull the veritable rug out from under you to see you hurt.  This makes no sense to me really.  Maybe because I am too trusting and I believe the façade some put on .  But why does anyone want to put up a front?  Are they truly so unhappy with themselves that they have to be someone else?  Or do they think it will be ok once you find out that they are a fraud and you have already invested feelings in them?  I thought that losing trust in someone was one of the worst and most hurtful things that could occur.  I found out in the last couple of days that losing respect in them is much more hurtful.  Respect is something that I think is held higher than trust.  Therefore it falls harder and shatters into even smaller pieces. 

I guess in closing I will say, genuine is not a bad thing.  It lets anyone know what you are truly about.  And it should never be used as a challenge to see how far one can take a person who is genuine and then leave them to find their own way home.  It is not only cruel but heartless.  But, then there are some who have no heart so it fits their M.O.

foolishangel

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”
― Alexander Pope

Disappointment seems to follow me as of late.  Disappointment in my own decisions,  in the people I let in, in the things I say and do.  I try not to expect anything as the quote says because it always ends up in disappointment.  It seems I get some stupid ideal in my head of what something is and it gets doused like a flame in a hurricane.  Sadly, it is my own fault every time because I put an expectation in that is unrealistic. 

Lately my judge of character, probably most of the last year or so, has been way off.  I think someone is one thing and they prove to be the exact opposite.  Am I really so blind that I can’t see it or is it that I just refuse to see and hope for the best in people.  I have been accused of being jaded, broken, and just plain harmed in some way.  Yes I have been harmed, and I have been broken, and maybe it has left me a bit jaded. Disappointment does that to a person especially if it just keeps happening over and over.

Maybe, eventually, all that disappointment will take its rightful place in the back of my mind where it belongs.  But, I guess the only way for that to happen is for something real to come along and make me feel like I might be able to expect things again.  Right now I think the only thing I expect is disappointment.  How nice it would be to be surprised with something completely different.  Maybe sometime, maybe sometime soon.  One can always hope.

foolishangel

LOST

To be lost is a frightening thing.  It doesn’t have to be a physical thing.  You can be right where you know you have to be but yet feel like you are lost completely.  The mental and emotional feelings of lost are more consuming than any kind of the physical.  When you are physically lost you can see a path to follow to find your way somewhere or anywhere, so that you can be found.  When it is an emotional feeling of lost you have no path to follow.  Yes people can be calling to you to try to lead you out.  But, even then, those people might not be the right voices to follow.  They might just be the ones who got you feeling lost to start with.  Why does it seem that those voices of the ones who abandoned you and made you feel lost are always the first ones you hear?  They are not who you need, but it is who you look for.  Even when you know that you should not follow that voice, you still gravitate towards it.  Please just turn that voice off and let another voice be heard.  I truly hope to be found, but not by who abandoned me to the land of the lost.

foolishangel

INTENSITY vs PASSION

Passion and Intensity are something which raises the bar to anything either one is associated with.  It makes things more focused, more aware, and more pointed toward its goal.  Intensity and Passion can be connected to most things in the right circumstance.  But does intensity push passion or does passion push the intensity. 

Intensity happens over time but it is like a boulder rolling downhill.  At first, something has held it in place for who knows how long.   When that guard which has held it gives way it starts to increase.  It pushes things out of the way or goes right through them.  Intensity has its place in so many things. It is in sports, feelings, love and even lust.  The weight of intensity is not able to be measured like weight or length.  It has no mass yet it takes up a veritably huge amount of space.  Intensity can awe and amaze anyone who comes in contact with it.  Some though are immune to it and do not see it until it burns out.  And it does burn out if the flames are not fanned by something else that drives it.

Passion on the other hand I think is nurtured and fed.  It is something that grows over time, after it has found its mark.  Passion can also be a part of many things.  A passion for anything can be obtained from music to a profession.  A passion is something that is specific to what it pertains to.  Though with passion it is just as much focused, aware, and pointed.  It attaches to a certain host and clings for dear life.  But, if it is not nurtured it dies.  And it dies in a quiet way so you don’t miss it until it has been absent for a long time.  You don’t realize it has not been fed until it has withered away and went to dust.

So, in my estimates, passion is fed by and nurtured by intensity.  Intensity keeps it alive by pushing it higher.  But, intensity can live without passion since it can find a host in things that have no passion in them.  I myself, think I prefer intensity being fanned by passion so it can feed the passion until it is at its peak and can be plucked like a flower in bloom.  It is the only way to keep intense passion alive, to keep them both feeding off of each other.

foolishangel

Lonely

Is lonely a feeling or an actual state in which we are in?  I think that being lonely can mean many things.  We can be lonely and still be surrounded by people.  We can be lonely and isolate ourselves within a cocoon that hides us from everyone.  We can also be lonely and hide it so well nobody notices.  Maybe being lonely is not such a bad thing.  When you are lonely you don’t have to explain anything to anyone.  Sort of a freeing feeling I guess.


foolishangel

Dedication

Depending on what the word is used in terms of it can mean many things. But, all of them seem to turn back to one thing.  It is the need to show some sort of offering from one to another.  Whether it is to dedicate to a purpose, a place, a person or a thing it still means to give from one to another.  In that context it is something that takes a lot of hard thought before doing it.  One cannot dedicate themselves to anything without giving it much thought.  If there is no thought then it means nothing.  Dedication in my opinion is the ability to look beyond yourself and give completely to something or someone. There can be no hedging if there is dedication.  There can be no second guessing in dedication.  And, there can be no regrets in dedication.

In some instances that dedication can be falsely given to someone or something that does not deserve it.  But, in the giving is not the problem.  So if one dedicates themselves to someone or something that later is found not to deserve it there is no turning back.  There is only going forward and learning from it.  So possibly dedication can also be a learning tool.  Hopefully though, with that learning a person can also realize that they did nothing wrong.  Because in dedication there is one thing that is only yours and yours alone.  It is the feeling of knowing you gave your all and that feeling is the most wonderful feeling of all.

foolishangel

“The authentic self is soul made visible.” - Sarah Ban Breathnach

Authenticity is something that we are all born with.  We all know deep into our core who and what we are.  We learn it, we feel it and we recognize it. Sadly though, so many do not embrace it. 

When someone looks deep into themselves they find the “who” that they truly are. When we find that person there is no denying it to ourselves.  Sometimes we do not like who we are and instead of choosing to change it we cover it.  It is like covering a classic car with a car cover.  Everyone can see the outline of the authentic article but not really being able to see the true beauty of it.  And it does not mean that it has to be completely customized to be something beautiful.  The most beautiful of things are blemished, worn, and yes sometimes even patched back together.  But, covering it up does nothing but make people wonder what truly is underneath.  So take the cover off and let the true classic show.  *smiles* we all know that the authentic classics value increases when assembly line reproductions are worth nothing in the end.

foolishangel