I am looking to chat with others about my seemingly uncontrollable need to feel like a lowly amusement object. In chatting with some people I have discovered I am not alone in having these needs and that I have to learn to accept that they are just part of me
But I am trying to better understand my self or at least this strong need to feel totally submissive and these commanding desires that haunt me continually. The deep and powerful desires to be humiliated, to feel degraded and to be used as a mere pleasure object, an object not a person. The thought of being used in these ways excites me beyond words and at times just totally consumes my every moment.
I think I was born extremely submissive. Even when I was a little girl the other girls and boys always had me do things for them. When we were young teenagers I was the girl all the boys would take into the woods or be the only girl invited to a there little parties and as I grew older I was the girl the married men, the kinky and perverted always seemed to pick up. This behavior was very strongly encouraged and even rewarded by My Master who controlled my life from a young age and who I worshipped unquestioningly
I have served both a Mistress and Master but that was before I was married. Since then I tried to be a good wife and for the most part I feel I have been. However I have had some flings and affairs in an attempt to satisfy my need to feel my submission and my hunger to feel humiliated.
I prefer to chat with people that do not judge me and who understand my needs more fully and I believe can help me as I struggle with being a good wife and also the need to be a submissive toy.
Please note I am very happily married and I am not willing to damage my marriage in any way.
