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chicknlittle
Female Slave, 50,  Here, South Dakota

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 chicknlittle

 Female Slave

 Here 

 South Dakota

 5' 4"

 50

 Caucasian

 04/09/16

 

Actively Seeking:

Dominant Male

Waves

Journal Entries:
5/7/2017 8:26:07 PM
I miss being me
not the me I am for everyone else.

3/24/2017 2:25:03 PM
First Demo/Dungeon/Munch Reaction
It was a very educational and eye opening weekend for me. At first I was darn near petrified lol ... and nearly went home in the first few hours after getting there. I rarely do anything by myself ... let alone with people i dont really know very well ... as well as an hour from home lol. The whole thing was "out of my comfort zone". But i tell my patients all the time that "nothing good ever changes in your comfort zone". And so with that thought in mind, I made the reservation so that it was non refundable. Which i later thought i was crazy for .... and even later, was glad i did.
The first night, in the bar, it took a few Apple Crown and Cranberry drinks before I no longer wished to find the darkest, smallest corner to be invisable. I chatted with people I knew, and even made few friends i didnt have at the begining of the evening. Those of you who know me would not be suprised to find out ... i love to people watch lol. By the end of the evening it felt like i was doing fairly ok.
The next day was a day full of classes, information, and learning. I refuse to stop learning things until the day i die. The Terror Play one gave me prickles up and down my arms. The back of my neck was even clammy at the water boarding demo ... and the almighty turkey bag ... shivers. There was one on rituals also. it reminded me of all the Rituals that have been in my life and what meaning they had. How they made things feel like 'all was well and right in the world'. How i would have ran into a burning house to save my collar back in the day. There was one on medical play. i was very curious to learn about sounding ... and how Men have Man'ginas lol according to Ms Cynthia.
The Dungeon time that night held a revalation for me ... and i didnt even play. I am familar with many of the things that went on there. I have never been flogged, but I know impact play. I have had expirence with Paddles ... shivers. The deliciousness of Canes. Whips. Electric play. And a few other things that happened there .... i have even had a little bit of expirence with drawing blood. Each time that night, it ended the same. The first time i watched it, i thought to myself ... "aww that is sweet of Him to do". Got her some water, and a chair ... Then I saw it happen a few more times and it caused an "hmmmm?" feeling. There was hugging and petting ... fuzzy blankets and whispers in the ear. The longer the night went on ... the more often it happened. I suddenly realized ... this is one thing I am not familar with. 19 years ... and this .. this loving thing ... I am not familar with. At first i felt sorry for myself ... I stood in my hotel room and cried ... wollowed in my pity pot. Then I started thinking of the many bottoms there. How fortunate they are ... how lucky ... what a beautiful thing they get to have. How awesome a thing they have, to maybe know no other way then that way. I would never begrudge someone something filled with so much love and caring. And i came to the realization that .... I have something new to get to learn lol!! that is worth lots of !!!'s. lol

1/30/2017 8:47:00 AM
I am a chubby bunny. If that is not something that you can be OK with, please move along

12/22/2016 5:00:36 PM
 I have discovered that I am surviving. That's what I do. I survive each day one after the other. And then I meet someone .... together, I live. The two of us mashed together until we find out that we don't really match together. And then we part, and I survive again.  Each time ... in between the next ... I survive. Every one in this day and age believes that you shouldn't need another person to feel alive. You should be able to be live alone and still be whole. I call bullshit.
There's a guilt that comes with the realization that you only survive in between. Because the rest of the world believes that you should live alone just as well as you live with another person. But it's just not true. Guess it wouldn't be the first time to find out I'm different. I have been different my whole life from what everyone else is.  And half the time no one even knows what to do with me. The rest of the time .. I survive ... not even knowing what to do with myself.
And I don't dare tell the rest of the world. The Facebook's in the world and in person connections of the world, because they won't understand. The only chance I have of being understood is here.
Do you know what it's like? To just survive ... one day after the other ... waiting for the other person ... the other half ... the other part that makes you whole?


12/6/2016 7:47:18 AM
I was packing for a trip today ... i found i had left the double tailed short whip in my suit case from the last time i packed to go visit my former Papa. As i was putting it away ... i randomly whipped myself in the legs. It cause goose bumps ... and a deep intake of breath ... and a sigh afterwards. I did it three more times as hard as i could. I closed my eyes wishing it was not my hand holding it. I put it away and walked away.
lol now i cant seem to get the goose bumps to stop ... or the throbbing. God it has been toooo long.


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