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A merry christmas to all and hope you find the slave of your dreams! |
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This site, and others, continue to disappoint. I'm finding some sites basically cater to findommes, which is great for them and their audience, but not so much for me.
This site, tends not to have many folks close enough to me to be interesting.
Always open to other suggestions.
Thanks. |
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listening to some audios about becoming a better beta male. It's not a concept I believe in (scientifically it has been debunked) but the mantra are having their effect. |
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Sitting at home, alone this weekend. I have a bunch of stuff around the house to do, but honestly, really wish at least part of the time was spent crawling on my knees to your feet, kissing them and begging for you to use me in any way YOU want. |
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Thinking about the next few months...
After September, I may have the opportunity to "go into hiding" so to speak. In other words, as long as I have internet access to do my remote work, I should be able to travel and stay pretty much anyplace for 1 to 2 weeks without interruption.
I'd love to find time to serve someone as "deeply" as possible.
I know folks often fantasize about 24/7/365 locked in a cell, etc, but the reality is that's impractical. But for a long weekend, a week, perhaps.
Have you ever thought about having a slave at your complete mercy for some fixed amount of time. We'd negotiate certain hard limits beforehand, but other than that, I'd let you have your way with me, even if it's not something I'd want or enjoy.
For example forced-bi, smoking, are a hard limits. Not going to happen. Not my thing.
Ball-kicking... I absolutely HATE it.. I'll do almost anything (except cross hard limits) to avoid it. But... I'd suffer it, simply because I'd want to put your pleasure first.
Obviously we'd have to get to know each other first, but if there is a connection spark, even for just a short period of time I'd love to see what we could do.
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Hmm.. been nearly a year, still not much luck finding the keyholder of my dreams.
I did try a new cage recently, but getting it on was tough and ended up giving me an edema immediately, so removed it. I will have to try it again at some point. This particular cage has two locks, one to keep the ring and part of the penis piece on, the 2nd to lock a "cap" in place. The idea is a domme can remove the cap when she wants to just tease or torture a bit. Would be fun to make work, but alas I think the overall design is simply flawed. |
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Wow, talk about a powerful dream.
I was cuffed with my hands behind my back, hands upwards (which is not something I can normally do and is uncomfortable for me) and cuffs on my ankles. I think there was some additional metal hardware on me. I couldn't move much. And my domme was putting some sort of "fur suit" over me (though I'm not into furry play at all) to prepare me for a trip to the local dungeon.)
In the dream I was so turned on, I was nearly bursting out of my cage and ready to orgasm, but of course knew I'd be in trouble. Then I woke up. |
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Hmm, looking at my last journal entry from 2018, but it's been awhile. I can say I spent all of 2020 locked and much of 2021. Free again.
But perhaps I shouldn't be. I came this close to putting in a permalocker instead of the brass lock the last time. Maybe you'd be the one to do that? |
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Well, for various reasons, decided to remove it today.
Feels good to be free.
I have to say over all the HolyTrainer V3 isn't so bad. After over a month of continuous wear, no real bruises or other issues other than a slight smell that a good washing should cure. |
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So, it's been over a month.
Other than some pain in the middle of the night when things get... very stiff and skin starts to pull. Seems to be working well.
But DAYUM, first time in a while that I've really wanted to masturbate.
Guess I'll just have to suffer :-) |
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Came in today to check, wasn't sure when the current HolyTrainer v3 went on. I guess on the 9th. So not quite a month yet. And looks like at least another month to go.
Oh well the life of a chaste male. |
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Well forgot to say, my cage broke on I think Dec 25th. An interesting Christmas present.
But.. remained chaste until yesterday when my new HolyTrainer v3 came in and I'm locked again.
I think I should have gone with the larger ring. Hmm. |
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Over a month now locked.
Can't wait until January though. (unless my wife or kh change their mind. Then it might be longer!) |
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Wow, it's been 4 weeks now. And it looks like at least 4 more weeks.
I can't say for sure, but I know it's no earlier than January. I think my kh would love to go into February or even March, but I suspect my wife will take advantage of her key in January. But I could be wrong.
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2 weeks, and getting used to it.
My kh still gets a kick out of it! |
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One week so far.
So far, so good. |
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Slept in it. Very comfortable, even with the morning wood.
And the pink isn't so bad. |
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Well, now trying a HolyTrainer v2.
We'll see how it works. |
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To be clear, if you're the one, I will gladly hand over a key to my chastity belt (my wife reserves the right to keep one for herself, but she most likely would rarely use it.)
Beyond that, we can discuss how I can serve you. Yes, I have my desires that are important to me, but they are more useful to you as ways of controlling me.
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So my search continues. So many non-matches.
I'm a strong, confident person who isn't looking for be someone's doormat. But it seems at times that's what folks are looking for.
Oh well, I will find the one who is deserving of me. |
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Not really a fan of videos in general (or this one specifically)
https://www.xvideos.com/video30875433/sexy_morning_pegging_her_sissy_bf_in_chastity_-_live_your_secret_fantasies_on_joislut.com but I suppose the idea is interesting... being locked up and pegged while my kh has her fun. |
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I find it sad how many spammers are quick to email just about any account.
But the truly sad part is, they only do it because... it works!
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Forgot to add, was unlocked Tuesday.
I love the birdlocked for comfort (ok, mostly). I can bike in it and do other stuff.
BUT.. man yeah, keeping it odor free sucks.
Have to find a better solution. |
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Let's see.. 4th day back locked.
Orgasms for me. 0
Orgasms for kh: 1.
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Back in the bird-locked as of yesterday.
Need some incentive to lose weight. We'll see how well it goes this time. Definitely will have to come off for cleaning, as 4 weeks last time left too many skin issues.
But first night, so far, so good. |
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In retrospect, I think a 90 day goal in the birdlocked was... a bad idea.
2 days out of it, still suffering from some itching and other minor issues where I think there was tissue damage.
Hmm... |
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Shit, well there goes that.
The plastic pin that holds the lock... broke... so the lock has fallen off.
VERY disappointed!
So, I think this comes off today. |
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Thirty days has September,April, June, and November.
And my chastity, so far.
And tomorrow it will have 31.
I realized this morning that a typical business quarter has 90 days.
I'm 1/3rd of the way there (and at this point expect to be locked for AT LEAST that long).
So that means for a business quarter, I'll get no business. Hmm.
(hmm, slight correction, the 15th was 31 days for me). |
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So today marks 4 weeks.
No relief in sight.
But I will continue to say, the Birdlocked is pretty damn comfortable.
But eager at some point to perhaps get a CB-6000 and try that. My understanding is short of a full-brief style, that's probably among the most secure and yet still comfortable.
Hmm.
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So finally asked my keyholder what date she had in mind.
I was hoping for like maybe this Friday, which would be 4 weeks.
Nope. Her answer was, "Don't know, but perhaps just before our trip at the end of October."
That would make 14 weeks. Umm... |
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3 weeks with the birdlocked. So far.. better than the CB3000 in many ways. |
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So today's spam: Get Fully Erect for intercourse.
Technically in the birdlocked, I CAN get an erection, but it's pretty uncomfortable.
But intercourse? Hardly.
I do dream of perhaps using a strap-on for intercourse so I can please a woman that way, but not receive any pleasure of my own. |
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Today's ironic spam email subject:
If your life is meaningless without sex, change it!
Hmm... I'd say right now it's MORE meaningful w/o sex.
Not like I have much choice. |
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8 days and counting. No relief in sight.
I think I'm ok with that. :-) |
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Someone else's blog mentioned Wednesday being hump day.
Maybe for others. Definitely not for me. NO day is hump day for me.
Well I suppose that's not entirely true. I could TRY humping... for all the good it would do me. :-) |
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Latest spam - "Get 3-5 erections a night".
Honestly, that's not really the huge issue. It's the inability to do anything about them that's the issue.
And I'm enjoying that. |
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Couple miles of hiking and other activity while wearing the birdlocked.
Honestly, didn't notice it most of the time. Easily one of the most comfortable and practical ball-trap chastity devices out there.
That said, I and it definitely needed a shower when I got home!
If your sub complains they can't wear a birdlocked, my guess is they're not being fully truthful. |
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Today's spam:
Have sex 6 times this weekend
Nope. I'll be lucky if I have sex 6 times this year.
And I'm ok with that.
Part of me thinks that's too high a number even. |
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Just saw spam come across my email.
GET ERECT IN SECONDS!
Hmm.. nope. Not going to happen.
I'm ok with that. |
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Huh, 6 years since my last entry.
Well, the birdlocked is back on.
So far out of the devices I've owned and worn (CB-1000, 3000 and this) this is by far the most comfortable.
I think if my wife insisted this could become a nearly permanent device. But she's not interested in that. Not sure if that makes me happy or sad. :-)
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Well, still locked up. Obviously. Haven't been home yet.
To be 100% clear, it's not a metal lock. Since I have to fly tomorrow my wife insisted on the plastic lock.
I always have mixed feelings about using them. On one hand, they're plastic so they don't feel as "real" as a metal lock. And since it's a bit smaller where it passes through the locking pin there's a lot more wiggle room in the whole thing.
On the other hand, the serial number is what makes it even "better". A normal lock might be picked, removed and replaced without being noticed. But a plastic one-use lock like this can't be removed without detection. That in a way enhances the feeling I have while wearing it.
The best of both worlds at times is wearing both locks. If I have a key, I can remove the metal lock for metal detectors but still remain locked, but wear the metal lock for a snugger fix.
Anyway, I'm hoping this comes off tomorrow night. I can't guarantee it though. But since the kids will be around, I sort of assume it will. Or at the very least in the morning when the kids start to wake up.
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Hmm, it's been awhile since I entered much here.
Still in DC and enjoying life. For a slight change of pace though locked up in the CB-3000 for the week.
I always have mixed feelings when being locked up. There's the anticipation which is great. And when near my wife there's the torment of being teased by her. But when I'm far from her, such as now, it's very different. I always know it's there (and of course from time to time REALLY know it's there). It's overall not that uncomfortable or inconvenient. But there's a slight pressure so one always knows its there.
More than anything else, it's the inconvenience of hygiene that is a problem. There's also always the concern about "discovery" but for random people I now longer worry. If they're looking at my crotch that closely, there's other issues going on. The bigger problem is wearing it at home when the kids are home. Given that they hug me, etc, it's not really practical for me to wear it then. So right now my occasional wearing of it while in DC will have to suffice.
I must say though, getting a real solid metal belt (like from LockedinSteel) is extremely intriguing. I just can't afford it right now and with flying and family can't see how practical it is. But if I get a job in NYC and you want to lock me up, we can talk. |
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To expand upon my last post, if plans come to fruitition, I would typically be in NYC 1-3 nights a month on Sunday nights, arriving around 11:45 PM.
In return for a cage, floor or other appropriate place, I'm sure I can provide adequate services.
(The other option is Thursday nights in the city, I'll have to see how things work out plan wise.) |
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Once again plans change. I may find myself in NYC one night a week and need a cage to sleep in.
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Well, settling into my new apartment in DC area.
Finally have a dresser and bookcase. Still no bed. Need to get that soon. |
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Well, it happened. DC gig came through.
So now I'm in the DC area looking for housing. Oh well perhaps NYC some other time.
Have fun all out there.
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Just testing something in IE.
Please ignore.
Thanks.
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Bah, things get confusing.
So.. the NYC gig.. doesn't happen.
But then I find a gig in the DC area that may be perfect. But.. it's in the DC area.. the weekly commute home to family would SUCK.
But it's money. And it's something I'm good at. Who knows.
Oh and then another gig I thouhg I'd never hear back from... wants to talk to me tomorrow. Still not close to home though. Arrgh.
Live is never simply. I think that's what I like about it.
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Well, I called the recruiter this morning.
Of course it was bad news.
"Oh, turns out they had an internal candidate...."
Oh just f'ing great.
Oh well.
There will be something.
(But still looking for a place in NYC most likely.)
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Ok, the recruiter still hasn't called me. So at this point I'm guessing I didn't get it.
FUCK.
The least she could do was call.
Oh well. Perhaps something else will come through.
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Arrrghh!!!
I still don't know if I have the job or not!
The "conference call" was really a semi-technical interview with the rest of the tech team.
But that went well since apparently they wanted me to meet with some folks with the parent organization on Friday.
Well at that point, my schedule got crazy (good crazy though, got some consulting work for the weekend). So.. I'm driving down to DC on Friday, waiting to see if they're going to schedule the Friday meeting in NYC.
Eventually they do... 2:00 PM meeting. I'm feeling good. The recruiter at the agency I'm working with felt my odds were pretty good, I was the only person in the queue, etc. So I'm excited.
Turns out this yet again NOTHER technical interview. I THINK I did well.
In theory I find out for sure today. In theory.
Still haven't heard anything.
Talk about frustrating!
Oh well sooner or later I will have a job. I'm sure.
(and someday someone will help me figure out how to get line breaks in this thing.)
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Had another interview yesterday. Of course the train was running VERY late, so had to call an say I'd be late.
NEVER a good way to start off an interview.
During the interview however, I got a really good feeling that it was going well.
On the train ride home, got voicemail from the placement agency.
THEY LIKED ME. THEY REALLY LIKED ME!
So.... conference call today to hammer out details. Hopefully it'll all work out.
But if it does, within 2 weeks or so I'll be in NYC 4-5 days a week (and 3-4 nights).
That's the good news.
Downisde of course being the family disruption.
And now I have to find a place in the city to stay at.
Oh well. still good news.
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Well the interview I thought I'd be really excited about... was so-so. Company is fine, but the office environment it self wasn't that great. I mean I like open space, few cubes, etc.. but this was a bit ridiculous. Imagine a room about 100' x 80' with 2 people at a 8' long desk with 2 monitors each plus a mac between them, facing another desk like that.
And about 10 of these. No thanks.
Now, the interview that wasn't confirmed and I wasn't thrilled about... could be interesting. We'll see if they get back to me. They seemed to like me, but I'm guessing my rates were a bit higher than they are up to paying. We'll see.
Now.. when it rains it pours. I have another interview on Tuesday in the city. Really looks like I may be in the city for 6 months or so.
Here's hoping.
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Well... looks like not ONE, but TWO interviews in NYC this Tuesday!!!!
Well one is confirmed, the second should be shortly.
Woohoo. Things are starting to look up!
Anyway, that's good news!
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Well, had a phone interview today.
Didn't go well. Argh.
SO frustrating.
Oh well.
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So, was complaining to the wife the other day about how slow the job search has been going.
(ok, I'll admit, I'm burnt out, so this respite has been great and I've only been doing the job search at about 80%... and she realizes this. Ok end of aside.)
Anyway.. decide to head up for a nap when the phone rings. Turns out a possible job calling for what turned out to be a spur of the moment phone interview. I think it went well. (Wife says I have a great "phone voice". :-) Local office is a bit further commute than I'd really want to do, but it's a reverse commute traffic-wise. And they have a remote office in another part of the country I already go to from time to time. So that could work out well.
And in the meantime, get an email setting up a phone interview for next week for a possible job in NYC! This one would require living part time in NYC which would be a pain family-wise, but at least it's close to what I want to do and what I'm good at.
And then finally, Friday find another potential job (also in NYC) that is almost a perfect match for what I want. Now I just have to convince them I'm their man!
So... perhaps within a month or so I'll be employed again.
(another aside: it is nice knowing we've been frugal enough that monetarily we're doing ok, but I'd really like to start SAVING again, not simply spending.)
That's all for now.
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Oh, and a thought dawned on me.
Do some of you think you can be taken seriously when you can't even proofread your email?
I mean, let's check for typos.
And you are NOT a dominate. You might Dominate, but you aren't a Dominate.
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Well, the job search goes slowly.
Which is distressing and stressful.
BUT, at least one nibble and perhaps others in NYC area.
This is good news and bad news.
Bad news since it'll put a real strain on the family, etc.
Good news since it may put me in the city for extended periods of time.
First I have to get a job and then housing.
Perhaps a position as a house slave? Who knows.
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Happy St. Patricks Day.
Enjoy the wearing of the green!
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Well at least now when I check out the "Who's View Me" Link I get SOMETHING.
But it's strange since I've gotten at least one email from someone who obviously read my profile who isn't listed there.
Oh well.
ANYWAY... what's up with the one-liners from some of the Mistresses here? Do you really think some of us are so desperate you can be rude to us right off the bat and get a positive response?
Hmm, I suppose you can. But not with me. Sorry.
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Wow talk about humbling. Check out the "who's viewing me" link.
No one. So apparently not a chance here.
Oh well. I'll survive.
Now if only I could figure out how to get carriage returns to work in this journal thing.
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Bah, unemployment can be very emasculating. Which is not necessarily a good thing! :-)
I can think of more fun ways to be emasculated.
Also means the purchase of a CB-3000 is back on hold. Oh well.
And how is life for you?
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Well, I can't say I'm getting used to this "unemployment" thing.
Sure, the hours are great, but the pay sucks.
Went through the whole rigomarole to apply for unemployment. Bah, not great, about 1/2 of what I was making. But it'll pay the mortgage. Fortunately the wife and I are fairly frugal so we're not panicking. Yet. :-)
I am serious though, if any one out there wants a sub to use/abuse for an evening or two, let's talk. I've got the time. Nice strict long-term bondage could be fun. Tie me into a sleepsack, leave me in a cage. That would give me the mental break I need right now.
As long as it's SSC, it's good.
And yes, if you need some work done in exchange, that's obviously available. This isn't necessarily a two-way street I realize. :-)
Enjoy.
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Well, for better or for worse, the work stress is no longer my problem.
The "breakup" was amicable if somewhat unexpected at this time. I harbor them no hard feelings and they really don't harbor me any.
Of course this means I have to start a job search, but perhaps this was the kick in the pants I needed. Time will tell.
Good news, I have some free time.
Bad news, I don't really have money to spend right now to travel. But I can take some more involved time to serve if it's to our mutual benefit.
Thanks for reading.
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Ah, back from some travels. But the work stress still continues.
Need to finally spend some time catching up with family. But yet, need that "Calgon take me away" moment.
Actually what I could probably use right now is a good night of sensory depreviation in a sleepsack.
A little fantasy....
Show up at your place, serve your needs and then bed time. Blindfolded, earplugs in, hood over the top.
Then placed in a sleepsack so I'm fairly immoble. The last sound I hear is that of padlocks locking me in place for the night. Left there until whatever time you feel like releasing me. Timelessness.
Or perhaps a cage. I've never spent time in a cage before. I think I'd like that. Treated like an animal, locked away for a night.
Oh well, time to get the newspaper, breakfast and get to work.
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Well this week is better. But I've come to the conclusion it's time for a career change. We'll see what the next 6 months brings.
Of course winning the lottery would be the simplest answer. Oh well.
Ah, there are so many temptations out there. But I'm a man of immense responsibility and of course put family first. Yes, I dream of the "being whisked off to a private dungeon for a year" fantasy. Reality is of course different.
What's your private fantasy? What's your reality?
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Hmm, time to say something.
Ok, my last week has really sucked workwise. I can't go into details other than to say I've seen 7-8 years of work basically go down the train.
To say some escapism would be nice would be an understatement.
The idea of being blindfolded, in a sleep sack, bound helpless with no cell phone or pager in hearing range is very tempting right now.
That's my week. How was yours? Better I hope.
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