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| Deleted all my profile text to try and get it approved. New standards keep rejecting my profile when all I wanted to do was update my location since moving back to TX. If this is finally approved, feel free to say hello and ask if there's anything you want to know. |
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Under consideration by Lady Markette |
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Single and looking as of 4/12/14 |
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Just to clarify I am currently single again. |
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Enter a Realm of Bliss through the exciting and seductive world of hypnosis with Lady Ru'etha (Ruetha on this site) at http://www.blisstrance.com. i was fortunate enough to meet Her in person at one of Her seminars and can personally vouch for Her professionalism and sensual skills. She is a certified hypnotherapist and has a long history of poly and experience with hypnosis via text and over the phone. She also has several mp3 files available on Her website. my favorite is Voice which i listen to regularly, but She has a new one that is about to be released for those of Y/you who love the sensuality of vampires.
i take my reputation in this lifestyle very seriously and would never endorse anyone that i didn't believe in wholeheartedly. i am real and so is She, lucky for me *smiles*. For anyone wishing to know more about me (or Her since i write a lot about Her as well), please check out my blog at http://captiveprincess.dreamwidth.org. i hope Y/you enjoy Her as much as i have. |
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i don't believe in limiting myself by placing restrictions on what i seek. However, there are a few things that i know i definitely do NOT want.
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i definitely do NOT want someone who doesn't like or who feels like She has to "deal with" my little side. That is a very big part of who i am, and i need to be with Someone who understands that part of me.
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i definitely do NOT want Someone who is afraid to or can't play rough with me. i need Someone who has the creativity to be original and doesn't always do the same thing every time during play. Part of the intensity comes from the Domme being spontaneous and unpredictable. That is what makes us wild because we never know what to expect from You. It keeps us constantly on our guard. i don't always have to have pain to space, but it is still very important because of the way i am wired. To me, being able to take a lot of pain is a point of pride - a way for me to make my Domme proud of me. i want to be able to take as much as She can give. If i have to stop in the middle of a scene because i can't take any more, i will feel like i disappointed Her.
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i definitely do NOT want Someone who is so desperate and needy that it feels like no matter what i do it will never be enough. That kind of relationship is physically and emotionally draining and ultimately damaging for both parties. It breeds resentment because the giver wonders why what she does is never good enough while the taker wonders why the giver can never give enough to fill whatever void there was.
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i definitely do NOT want to be in serious, formal mode 24/7. It is just too draining and not possible in the real world application. i need some time each day to decompress a little. i don't mind staying in formal mode for extended periods of time, but i need to be able to decompress at the end of the day even if it is just thirty minutes each night where i am allowed to write in my journal or be intimate with You in whatever way You want it that night. (Polishing boots or massaging You or any other type of quiet service that i can do for You qualifies as decompressing time."
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i definitely do NOT want to be constantly compared to others (whether to another submissive or to another relationship), especially when the comparison is wholly unfair. Each relationship is different with different dynamics just like each submissive has different strengths/weaknesses.
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i definitely do NOT want to have to pretend all the time. i want to be able to be myself because pretending is a form of lying and lying takes the power away from the Domme.
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A lot of things have changed recently. Thank you to friends and "family" who have put up with my ups and downs these past few months. i'm still here. i'm still looking - preferably someone who wants a service-oriented submissive. i miss that. |
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If i could only follow three rules, what three would i pick?
Rule #1 Defer to Me in all things. Questions and requests are allowed, but I will always make the final judgement.
i chose this as my first rule because it sets the parameters for the entire relationship and gives You free reign to make other rules as needed (sort of like wishing for unlimited wishes *grins*) A good relationship is built on trust, and a submissive has to know that her Dominant has her best interests in mind. You can't make good decisions unless You know what we are feeling/thinking, and You won't know what is going on inside our heads unless we tell You. However, You have to be available and willing to listen. But even though we should be allowed to voice our opinions and feelings on occasion, You still have the final say. More often than not You know what we need better than we do, and what we need and what we want may not be the same. And of course there will be times when what we want conflicts with what You want, and in times like those i would much rather that You get what You want.
Rule #2 Some type of a good morning ritual probably involving kneeling and kissing Your feet. (details are left to Your imagination)
This rule sets the tone for the day and will serve to get me in the right mindset from the very beginning - reaffirms the Mistress/slave relationship. i don't generally have a problem with that, but 24/7 is a lot harder than it seems and because we are human some days we just wake up in a funky mood. This also provides a daily opportunity for intimacy and affection - both of which are extremely important as well.
Rule #3 Never lie or disobey; there will be punishment. If I tell you to do something and find out later I was wrong, I will not punish you for obeying, but you will be punished for not following orders. I decide punishment according to the extent of the infraction, but lies will be dealt with harshly.
In some ways a lie is the worst sin a submissive can commit. we are supposed to give up everything, submit completely. If we lie, we take power away from You - topping from the bottom. Sometimes a submissive will be tempted to lie in order to hide the way she is feeling because she thinks it will be displeasing to her Dominant or because she knows what the Dominant wants is something contrary to what she wants. This is unacceptable! How can You make the right decision if You don't know exactly how we are feeling? (Refer back to the explanation for rule #1) we also have ot know that if we disobey, there will be consequences. That is what provides the structure and stability, and helps build trust as the submissive learns that the Dominant is consistent. i also think that a punishment should match the infraction. If You punish harshly for a minor infraction, what will You do when the submissive commits a major one? Also the submissive will be more likely to commit a major infraction if she thinks the punishment will be the same for both a minor or a major one. |
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Things are starting to look up! i now have regular access to this site again and am looking forward to being a little more active here than i have been in the past. |
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i just wanted to say thank You to MasterinSEAL and DarkRebelSiren from collarme. Your friendship is a gift that i will always treasure. Thank You for helping me grow as a person and as a submissive. It means more to me than You could ever know. Because of You i truly feel at home here. Glad that i have You as family. |
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What do you do when your very nature conflicts with the interests of your heart?
It is my curse and also my greatest gift to be nice to almost everyone. To go out of my way to help where I am needed and to serve where I can even if it works against what I want for myself. That is my biggest fault as a person trying to make a place for myself in this world and my best asset as a submissive - that I put others before myself.
For almost four months, I was in agony trying to make a choice. The day I finally make a decision, I find out I can't have it. So I waited. It is past the date that was given and things are still the same. In fact, the situation has escalated a bit and not in my favor. So I am back where I started, and this time it is harder because I know what kind of opportunities are out there now.
I am greatful for the friendships that I have, and indeed, I wouldn't trade them for anything. Not even for a chance at a relationship. A solid friendship is better than a chance at love any day. And for that reason, I can't even ask to serve. |
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To all of You who may be interested or have expressed an interest in getting to know me better, as of now i am only looking for friendship from this site. i have been immersed in a real life group and have enough to keep me busy as it is, lol. And....i'm hoping that what i have here will develop further.
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i have recently become active in a local BDSM group, and it is soooooo refreshing to be around like-minded people. i have a new best friend and a slave sister with whom i have been spending quite a bit of time with these days. her Master is also quite extraordinary. There is also a Mistress that i have been talking to. To both of You i want to say thank You for indulging me, and i apologize in advance if my eagerness ever becomes a nuisance. For now i am enjoying life, but i'm keeping my options open and if something further develops.....well, i hope it does and we'll just leave it at that. *smiles*
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my schedule changed at work and i'm finally working third shift, the deep nights! It's my favorite shift actually. Working at night gives me time to do whatever i want during the day, although most days i sleep in the mornings when i get off work.
i've still got lots of work to do in my new place, and still have to get the rest of my stuff from my ex-Domme's house. i've got high hopes for my place even though it's small. But at least it is mine. And i can do whatever i want there (at least until i am collared again, lol).
And as always, please be patient if You send me a message here as i rarely have the opportunity to log into this site (since i can't log in at work).
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i've finally got a place of my own. It's not much right now, but it's got potential. It's a two bedroom, one and a half bath trailer house. It's in a quiet little trailer park, and my neighbors are super nice. Things are starting to level out again, and i'm ready to start looking again (although definitely want to start off slowly). Please be patient with me if You email me, however, as i still do not have a computer. And due to the nature of this site, i can't very well check my collarme mail at work.
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The last few weeks have been kinda rough for various reasons. Right now I'm in one of those emotional slumps, feeling emotionally weak and vulnerable. I no longer have a Dominant to talk to and confide in. No one to hold me when I need comfort. And on top of it all, I am twelve hours away from all my family, so feeling a little homesick on top of it all. I'm just so very thankful for all the friends that I have here who have helped me and are still helping me through this slump. I promise that my next entry will be more upbeat as I am usually a very cheery person. In fact, they used to call me "Bubbles" at work, lol.
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Passion enflames our hearts
and starts our souls to burn with a love
so pure and true
that we would gladly die
to hold those feelings forever.
Passion blinds our eyes to petty imperfections
and opens our minds to a new level of consciousness
obtainable only when our hearts
have been purged by fire
and forged with tears from a bleeding soul.
Passion is written in the story of your eyes.
I’m drowning in dark pools.
Silver moonbeams reflect,
casting light
to pierce the Truth
so long neglected.
Hold me forever
in your cleansing flames.
My flesh dissolved
and formed anew.
Two bodies
as one,
spiritually perfect.
Passion,
love in its most powerful form -
the willing embodiment of pain
for another’s pleasure.
~ Shelly Elizabeth Hollis |
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Reflections
Mirrors of glass reflecting everything I see
and don't see.
A thousand images of me staring back
with questions unanswered.
Or maybe holding answers
in the form of questions.
I see myself as I was, as I am, and as I wish to be
holding my hands toward the truth.
Truth in Love.
Truth in Life.
But my time in the realm of mirrors grows short
though I may visit it often
in the form of dreams.
~ Shelly Elizabeth Hollis |
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The Crystal Chalice
Defensive but unyielding, the crystal chalice has stood
protecting the emerald green mist that dances
inside its loving embrace.
Experiences, good and bad, have weathered the chalice
strengthening it against outside influences.
But when the heart begins to trust,
like a sweet poison it yearns for companionship and love -
and opens the door for sorrow, loneliness, and tears.
Through crystal pores seeps despair,
cracking the fragile structure.
Emerald turns to black
-- tainted --
and the crystal shatters,
scattering broken shards deep within the self.
A stranger's hand tenderly gathers the pieces,
holding it together with compassion,
wrapping it with warmth
until the chalice can again stand alone.
But the heart, now addicted to the poison,
can't be satisfied with the stranger -
doomed to crave the honeyed venom
in private solitude.
~ Shelly Elizabeth Hollis |
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The Road from Acheron
The shadows close around me as I sit alone and cry
calling for a hero and asking myself why.
My heart's a broken carafe of bleeding memories
for the people I should love have turned their backs on me.
I don't know why this happened or why I cannot find,
but I know that I've been searching for a love that's true and kind.
Sadly, the places I was looking were a dark and dismal lot,
and the characters I met there should probably meet the cops.
Somewhere along the somber way, I left behind my faith.
My heart was once unbroken. My spirit once was chaste.
I'd forgotten how to talk to God - I was drowning in my sins.
But since you came into my life, now a whole new world begins.
Your love has healed the pieces of my shattered, broken heart.
You've chased away my darkness; my demons must depart.
Your touch makes me feel wanted. Your smile renews my prayers.
And suddenly I can plainly see that someone truly cares.
So I thank you, friend, for loving me and for never negating.
Please take my hand and walk with me, our new life is awaiting.
~ Shelly Elizabeth Hollis |
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It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain. I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul, if you can be faithless and therefore be trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty, even when it's not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if youc an live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "Yes!"
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the cengter of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.
~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer, Indian Elder |
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my nature, my role, my duty, as a submissive is to be pleasing to others. Of course, my submission is very deep rooted, and i believe that i was put here to serve, not just one particular Master but all of humanity. It is a calling that i feel resonating through my soul, rising up from the depths of me, humbling me before my peers. i have always been a precocious child, and if You are to know me, the path i walk, then You must know where i come from. Even as early as seven, i knew that i was different from other children my age. For one thing, i fantasized about kidnappings and imprisonment and would "act out" those fantasies by gagging myself with tape or binding my wrists with my jump ropes. i would sit for hours, staring into space making absolutely no sound, meditating and trying to reach my core energy, even though i did not understand exactly what it was that i was doing, what it would mean in my future. i found out officially about the lifestyle when i was 18 and in college. i was ecstatic because i finally had an explanation for the feelings that i had been having since i was a young girl. i won't go into detail in this entry about life energy or the journey to the self's core, but suffice it to say that entering this lifestyle set me upon the path that will lead me further to this goal, to ultimate submission. |
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