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beatspigs

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I'm in a weird place right now. Not really looking

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12/22/2015 6:37:09 PM
GIMME BACK MY CHICKEN YOU PERVERT!


I live with a sick woman. The extremes of her perversion sometimes astound me. That's why I lament this wasted jewel.


Sometime during this last year she started talking in her sleep. The other day, I was on the computer and she was asleep on the couch. 

Out of the blue she says, "Gimme back my chicken, you pervert". 

I responded with a "what?" and then realized that she was still asleep. 

I wanted to wake her up and find out what she was dreaming about but I didn't. When she woke up, I did ask, and she said she didn't remember.

That sucked! My mind reels with the possibilities.

12/20/2015 11:13:35 PM
HER ASS GREW TO THE TOILET SEAT

I recently heard on the news that a woman spent 2 years in the bathroom and her ass grew to the toilet seat. Now if that was voluntary, I'd call it natural selection, and we should have left her there. I mean, what kind of idiot is that. 


But what if this was twisted sexual games gone awry. There was a boyfriend involved. Maybe he super glued her ass to the toilet seat. Maybe he'd just go in there and taunt her and jack off on her. I could get into that. Maybe he wanted to get her fat and that was as good a place as any to grow her. Maybe he got her so fat that she couldn't get her hands to her mouth anymore. Maybe he just crawled up on her and fucked her fat face like this perpetual gloryhole. Maybe he used her for the toilet and just let it recycle thru her into the commode. 

Oh, the possibilities are endless.

4/7/2014 4:56:21 PM

A FUCKING BILLY GOAT

Today I had to avoid construction on the interstate so I took a dirt road shortcut. As I passed a farm, three dogs and a billy goat chased my truck. A fucking billy goat. What the hell is a fucking billy goat doing chasing my truck. He outran the dogs. He was running along side my door, looking me in the eye, going Blaaaaaaaa!!!! 

Now thats not something you see everyday.


4/6/2014 5:34:25 AM

SHIT FIGHTING LESBIANS

I lived in this apt complex and got to be pretty good friends with the apt manager. When I moved out I was asking her if the place was clean enough and she proceeded to tell me a horror story about some past tenants.

She said she had these 3 lesbians that lived together. They seemed average, but when they left, they did it in the middle of the night with no notice. 

When she went to inspect the apt, she found the freezer was full of frozen bags of shit. Human shit. Not only that, the walls were covered with flecks of human shit. She said it was the most disgusting mess she had ever seen. The only thing she could think that they were doing was having shit fights with it.

A couple of weeks later, one of the lesbians called her up asking for her security deposit back. She told the lesbian that she must be insane. Not only that, she intended to sue her for damages. Which she did. I'd love to have been witness to that small claims suit.

It wasn't long after that the the apt managers equipment shed was broken into. Nothing was taken, but none of her lawn mowers would run. She took them to have them repaired and guess what? The gas tanks had all been packed full of shit. 

Now who do you think did that?


4/5/2014 6:07:08 PM

THAT JUST AIN'T RIGHT     

I used to work with this guy in the meat packing industry. He ran a meat saw and one night he cut one of his fingers off. Well they sewed it back on and it looked like it was gonna make it.

Trouble was that he was fucking this married gal. Her husband came up and waited for him in the parking lot one night. They got into this big fight and the husband snatched his finger back off. Then took off in the car with it. 

He never got it back.

That just ain't right.


4/4/2014 8:03:05 PM

IT WAS A MERCY KILLING      

He was looking down, totally engrossed, when I shot him. It was a perfect shot. Right between the eyes and about an inch up. It dropped him like a sack of potatoes. Not a twitch! Not a blink! Nothing! Lights out..just like that. I felt sad but glad too.

Lisa and I walked around the building to where I had her tied up. She knew something was up. She was eyeing me and the gun warily. I had Lisa give her some bacon. She started eating it like she hadn't had a meal in weeks. My first shot wasn't as good with her. It slammed her head to the ground and she started twitching. I put 5 more quick rounds into her head. That put her down. I felt good about killing her. In my opinion, this was her fault.

Three days earlier, I was with Nick when he came home and found the slaughter in his home. Buddy, his pit bull/lab mix had the front half of Cali, his calico cat, up on the couch and was happily munching on her. Keisha, his girlfriend Katie's collie/shepard mix, was on the rug gnawing on Cali's back half. We figured that they had played tug of war with her. The room was covered in blood, the coffee and end tables were turned over, broken glass and lamps were mixed with the remains of 4 dead kittens. It was carnage.

Five days earlier, Katie had brought Keisha over to Nick's because Katie's grandfather was going to kill Keisha for killing chickens. She wanted Nick to keep Keisha until she could find another home for her. Nick, being the kind soul that he is, agreed.

Nick was crushed. He cried and cried and cried. He loved Buddy. I liked Buddy too. He asked me what he should do. I asked him if he thought he could ever trust Buddy again. The neighbor has little kids that play in the yard. His sister regularly brought her baby by. He said no, he couldn't trust Buddy and couldn't take a chance. He'd take Buddy to the pound. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but I told him he should do it himself. To dogs, the pound is like this horrible lonely jail that smells like disease and death. He'd be there for days waiting for "Kill Day". Better for Nick to treat him really good for a couple of days and say goodbye. Then, when Buddy least expected it, make it quick and clean. Nick said he couldn't do it and asked me if I would. I didn't really want to, but considering the circumstances, I said I would.

That night Katie showed up at my door and asked if I would do Keisha too.

On "The Day", I had my morning coffee on the side porch and I could see Nick and Buddy playing frisbee my the pasture. At noon, Nick and Katie brought thier dogs up to the house. 

It broke my heart to watch them saying goodbye. They both loved thier dogs.

I put the dogs in the barn for an hour and told Nick and Katie to go dig two graves next to the fence row. Which they did. 

When they had gone back into Nicks house, Lisa and I took Buddy and Keisha out to the killhouse. We petted them up and let them sniff the slab of bacon we had brought with us. I already had my truck out there as well as some plastic and duct tape. 

It was over quickly. We fed raw bacon and as they were eating it, I shot them. There was some blood with Keisha but just a drop or two with Buddy. I don't think that either of them really felt anything. Lisa helped me wrap them up in plastic and put them in the back of the truck. We then drove down to the grave sites. Nick and I placed them into the graves. Nick and Katie covered them up. We hung the dogs collars on the fence to mark the graves.

This whole situation sucked. I have been criticized for shooting the dogs but I don't care. This was a mercy killing. It needed to be done and it was done with dignity and love. I'd do it again.


4/4/2014 4:18:08 PM

IN TROUBLE AGAIN

The whole family is pissed at me again. I suggested that my 6 yr old grandson name his new kitten MIKE HUNT. Because the suggestion came from me, of course that was the name he picked.


4/3/2014 6:59:21 PM

THE RIGHT HAND OF JESUS


I used to carpool to work with this guy. He had this polish catholic plastic icon jesus velcroed to his dash. It was three inches tall, with the flowing robes, left hand clutching his sacred heart, and right hand raised in that two fingered "shut up because I'm dispensing wisdom" pose. The fact that he was a babtist and didn't seem to realize that it was a catholic icon completed my picture of how unbelievably tacky I thought the whole situation was.

Somehow the statue got knocked off the dash and the "dispensing wisdom" hand got broken. That didn't matter to this guy, he put jesus back in the navigator spot with jesus' broken nub still pointing skyward. It bother me..alot. 

I'm a pretty good sculpture. So I convinced this guy that I can carve a new hand out of wood and then glue it back on the jesus. Because I found it amusing and this guy was totally clueless, I convinced him that I should carve jesus' new hand with the boyscout salute which has three fingers raised instead of the two fingered salute that originally came on the polish catholic plastic icon jesus. He was a scout leader and loved the idea.

I took the jesus statue home with me and went to work on it. I got a piece of 1/2 inch round oak dowel rod, and with my dremmel tool, carved a really nice little boyscout salute into the end of the oak rod. 
About that time I had a major falling out with this guy so I never finished repairing the statue. 

I did find that the 30 inch long piece of oak dowel rod makes an excellent weapon to use on Lisa. I call it "the right hand of jesus". It has become my favorite toy to beat her cunt with.

Do you think Jesus would be offended?


4/2/2014 7:26:19 AM

Happy April Fools Day


I got eight out of nine victims with this. 

PREFACE.....It's 7:30 in the morning where I work.

OMG!! 
Did you see the news this morning?
My mom called me and told me to turn on BBC.
It wasn't on american television yet when I left the house.

An alien spacecraft crashed in Tel fair Square in London England. It landed two blocks from the BBC's broadcasting station and the media was all over it before the police arrived. The craft was split open and there are bodies. THEY AIN'T HUMAN! It's live coverage. The British Prime minister is going to give a message to the nation at 9:00. Barrack Obama is going to address the nation with a "We have made contact " speech at 12:00 noon. This is the biggest day in the history of mankind.

Whats the date? 
We have to mark this date.

OMG!!! It's April Fools Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


3/31/2014 4:27:01 PM

WITNESS TO MURDER


I witnessed a murder today. 

The two of them took her down and stayed on top of her until I yelled at them. Then they fled.

She wasn't dead yet, but she was close. I went over to her and she was shuddering in pain. Then she quit moving. 

As I was peering down at her, one of her babies went splat on the concrete beside me. I looked up just in time to see the two of them throwing the other baby out. It hit the concrete right beside the first one. 

Thinking back, I probably could have caught the second baby if I had reacted quickly enough. But honestly, what was the point, I didn't want it. 

My reaction to witnessing these coldly brutal acts was to walk back over to the smoking area ashtray, put my cigarette out, and return to work. 

Meanwhile, the murderous pair of mating birds moved into their new nest.


3/30/2014 6:54:43 AM


HER NAME WAS ELECTROLUX
In the summer of 1974 I discovered that you could get the most incredible blowjob from an electrolux vaccum cleaner. I was having orgasms literally years before my body could produce semen. Later that summer my father discovered me having sex with my new found love. He beat me with a belt in my genitals while telling me how nasty I was. To this day, one of my favorite things is to beat a woman's cunt with a belt while telling her how nasty she is.
My father has been dead now for many years, but I wonder if he would approve.

 


3/29/2014 9:12:59 AM

 

MY NAME IS RUE AND I AM A SEXAHOLIC
I did a year with that plain white book. 

It was tough...No sex at all..ya can't even think about sex..no masturbation..nothing.

I'm not sure that I should have even been there in the first place. There were about 15 guys to the chapter I was in. I'm pretty sure I was the mildest case. You'd think that it would be mostly pedophiles and rapists, but it wasn't. Most of them either spent all their money on whores and strippers or had some kind of compulsive disorder like flashing in public or chronic masturbation. Most of them needed to be there in my opinion. My sins weren't so much what I had done but what I wanted to do, which was rape and torture.

I didn't want to go. I was pressured by that cunt (my ex). She used to tell me all the time that I was sick. She set up an intervention with my family. I came home from work to find my secret stash of porn splayed out on the coffeee table like magazines in a Dr's office. IT WAS UGLY! 

The only up side to it was that it backfired on that cunt because she wasn't getting fucked either and she really liked getting fucked. The whole thing was retaliation over of all things, a car that I wouldn't let her buy because we owed more on her current car than it was presently worth. She bought it anyway, I took it back. That really was the beginning of the end of our 18 year vanilla marriage.

I was rescued from this sexaholics hell by a woman. I have no idea today of what her name was, but I like to think of her as (Marla..the tourist) from the movie Fight Club. I'm pretty sure that she came to our meeting just to sport fuck. Don't know why she picked me, but she did. I fucked her in the the back of my family guy mini van while in the parking lot of our after meeting coffee shop. When I was done, I went home and thought that she did too. Wrong, she went back in and told everyone. I remember vividly the phone call I got from the chapter Chairman when I got home. Accusations, no commitment, I preyed upon her, we don't want you back. 
Well, FUCK YOU and your sanctimonious white horse. I got kicked out. 

I wondered if Marla was still welcome to decimate the ranks.. 

Probably.

I learned a valuable lesson from that year though. I learned what a true sexaholic is. It's not about what your kink is. It's about whether you have it in control or not. If it is making you do destructive things, you need help, you are a sexaholic. If not, you are just kinky. 

I'm borderline.

 


11/2/2011 7:18:27 AM

I had someone tell me the other day that I would never find my perfect woman on this site. 

 

I disagree.

I think this site is full of great candidates. I say that because what I want isn't found, it's made. Most people don't get that. I see profile after profile that states no limits. What that says to me is that she'll put up with tons of bad stuff for anyone that just gets her. Someone that cares enough to tell her no.  Someone to mold her, beat her, fuck her, love her, and make her feel whole.


10/29/2011 6:30:08 PM

Once again I scared someone off that  I really liked. It's hard to be me sometimes.


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kitty19
 
 Age: 24
 Sacramento, California