Five years ago today I was sitting in the Intensive Care Unit at Binghamton General Hospital - holding M'Moms hand. She was fading from me....::Wiping the tears away quickly as they flood downwards on my checks and neck.:: She was unable to get a breath even with her floating oxygen mask at 10 liters. I had called my family - my Sister, my Niece Natasha and my Husband were all rushing to... the hospital. It was destiny that we would all be together in that small room #2. It was then that I told her it was kay for her to go be with the Lord if it was her time - which is the absolute hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I had spent every moment possible with her that week - we had said everything that needed saying. But do you ever really say enough? At 10:03 AM she let out a final gasp and her soul flew. She had been so sick for so long and if anyone deserved that Peace it was her. Mom there is not a single day or moment that you are not on my mind. I miss you more then words could EVER say. And truthfully I long to be with you again on Heaven's Highest Hill. You will forever be the Wind Beneath M'Wings!!!! Mom also, THANK YOU for visiting us this week while we have been down at Lil Grams, caring for her. You never cease to amaze me with your little antics with hiding M'Wallet and after tearing the entire house apart, just laying it on your hospital bed that Lil Gram is now using. You have left many signs this week and I just am so blessed!

     It's been a *very* long week and a half.....lots of turbelence but sometimes that is a good thing as it leads to great changes. I just wanted to take a moment to mark 'this date' - in case. ::Sighs ever so tiredly - both mentally and physically::   Eternally; lady opal ferret wyndsor    

M'Dearest Confidante;        I don't even know how long it's been now since I discovered that Steve/Scottish Lord has indeed passed away. The days seem like months/years. I know that most of us will all be together again someday....but I feel completely robbed. I have not been myself since I lost M'Mother two years ago....and due to that I pushed *so* many dear, dear friends completely away. Steve was the first contact I actually made in our chat area. He was the one that believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. He took the time to write to M'Husband/Master and praised how wonderful his experience was with meeting me. How proper I was with the M'Lord stuff....I never got to tell him how very much that meant. I was still unraveling who I really was in some senses. And I have *surely* been continuing that journey amongst all M'Sorrow and pain of my losses. Losses that barely a soul know are even happening....which is why I am still so closed off from the world. I don't feel 'ready' to reembrace all that I treasured and gave up....but this has painfully taught me that time is not on my side.....and now is the time. The only time!   Eternally; lady opal   P.S. I really haven't expressed enough that I am so Thankful for this 'second chance' with so many dear friends I made here. I remain so Honoured to have really met the greatest group of individuals on CollarMe. If I haven't tracked you yet and you were among our closest circle, know that I am coming to find you and I will hunt you down if it's necessary to say all that's contained in M'Heart and Soul. And Steve, we *will* have the conversation where I speak all and make you understand how very, very special you were/are/always will be to me.   -mlnm      

M'Dearest Honour Dungeon Family;        If anyone has any information about our Dearest Op, Steve/ScottishLord....I would be *most* grateful of word. Please leave me an E-Mail, text or even call if we are connected in those manners. My family is on vacation this week and my online time is *very* limited. We do not have online coverage at the campground but I do have my cell and will check in on it often. Sometimes the service there is iffy, so please leave a message if you get my voicemail and I will get back to you the minute I receive your communication. I will also be connected to my Yahoo Messenger, most days/nights. In the meantime, may we all please keep him/Steve and his entire family ever so close in thoughts and prayers. ::Sighs ever so heavily, closing M'Eyes tightly fighting tears:: Thank You!!!!   Eternally; Lady Opal Room Owner of Honour_Dungeon            

Dear Journal;        It's so ironic how uncanny life can be....the timing.....the changes that come. While I still don't know who virused my computer....and why....it brought out some *very* needed answers which should result in 'closure.' My King of a husband pulled my laptop out of the virus mess, without a take in tech trip. But, thru all that....I received word from a long lost somebody that led to a string of corresponences, that today led to some 'forced' answers and ultimately closure. *Thank You* for your Time and Consideration, D! I will take my love for you to my grave as you did play a very important part in my life. I can only hope you reflect, and feel the same of me in yours!        You, of little faith....always have hope. Everything *does* happen for a reason! The *small* things could be BIG things, with time and patience. And the BIG things could also be found to be *little* things, in due time. Just believe. Above all else, B E L I E V E! And a risk here and there, doesn't hurt either. But when I say 'risk'....I don't mean safety risks....I just mean risks of the heart and soul.        And honestly with that, I'm exhausted and heading back out of CM for today. If you write to me, please understand that while I don't check mail daily....I will respond to any honest, credible EMail that I receive! Oh and Thanks for reading!!   Eternally; Lady Opal   P.S. M'Lord Lucian Ice, Thanks for always believing in me, even when I don't believe in myself!