Vanilla Life

In the vanilla world, I am a motivated young male with a successful career. I am also independent and able to live on my own. However, I have often struggled in relationships with women due to past trauma, and my failure to articulate my needs as a human being. I am shy, sheepish, and don't subscribe to normality, nor do I want to.

I'm an emotional empath that has often put the needs and mental health of other people before my own. I still do this quite a bit and I'm always looking to support those who need it. But lately, I have learned that in order to be effective in helping others, I have to be willing to accept help from them. My biggest weakness is that I never show my weakness.

It usually takes me awhile to warm up to someone, but once you get to know me I am one of the most open, honest, and sincere people you will ever meet. Generally speaking, the best way to get to know me is to ask direct questions. My brain is sort of hard wired to answer them more effectively than if I were to try to respond to a board topic like "tell me about yourself."

Some of the hobbies I enjoy are listening to music, watching movies, reading, cuddling, playing video games, D&D, pen and paper games, anime, Magic The Gathering, and pretty much anything nerd related. I also love the outdoors so things like camping and hiking are right up my alley. Sadly, I haven't got a chance to do them in awhile though.

Favorite bands include Marilyn Manson, AFI, Linkin Park, Motionless In White, A Perfect Circle, Rise Against, Cradle of Filth, Mr. Kitty, 3TEETH, The Cruxshadows, and more! I listen to every genre of music except country. I strongly prefer Industrial, Metal, Rock, 80's, and Pop though.

Favorite movies include Sucker Punch, The Crow, Interview With A Vampire, Pans Labyrinth, Under The Skin, Equilibrium, Six Pounds, V for Vendetta, The Craft, Queen of The Damned, Blade Runner, and Repo The Genetic Opera.

Kinky Life

For as long as I can possibly remember I have always been interested in ABDL and sissification. In my early years, I started out as an adult baby that thought I was the only one who liked diapers, and I seriously thought I had a mental illness. It wasn't until the advent of the internet that I set out on a quest to see if there were others like me, and I was completely shocked to find how big the community actually was. After years of being bullied for this, finding out there were others like me saved my life.

ABDL was also my gateway into discovering my sissy side. Early on I began taking an interest in dresses, makeup, dolls, and basically anything I was not allowed to wear or play with as a boy. I wasn't quite sure why I was attracted to it and really struggled with this mentally for awhile. Unfortunately back in the 90's, being a part of the LGBT community wasn't as accepted as it is today, so I just sort of brushed it under the rug hoping it would go away. But every time I tried to hide it, I wanted to indulge in it even more.

In my teens I started to discover BDSM and started to dabble with it a bit, but I still caved to the pressure of societal norms and tried to be the "leader" or "Dominant" in relationships I have been in. Sadly these all did not go as planned because I always felt like I was trying to be something I wasn't. I was never an effective Dominant, and most relationships ended with the fact that I would become so overwhelmed in life that I would default to the two things that brought me comfort...ABDL and sissification.

After years of failed relationships, I am just recently starting to explore the idea of "Female Led Relationships" because I want to attempt to be who I truly am, and allow myself to be submissive without feeling the guilt and shame that often plagued me. I don't know what exactly draws me towards this type of dynamic, but I really do think it will fix a lot of issues I have been having.

What I Seek

I am seeking a mature woman that knows what she wants in life. Someone that's in s stable situation and doesn't live on a day by day basis would be preferred. I don't need to know all the details, but generally speaking, if you have an idea for a 5 or 10 year plan for your life, that tells me you're at least mature enough to recognize the fragile nature of life, and you have set goals for yourself to find fulfillment.

I don't care about age or appearance as much as I care about personality and how motivated you are in life. I'm at the age now where I realize these are the best years of my life. I want someone who still has an adventurous spirit, a reason they get out of bed, and a willingness to make small sacrifices in life to make our future brighter together. It's okay to have scars and baggage, but please be ready to give our dynamic a chance.

I want her to be comfortable as the leader of the relationship. The one who makes the decisions and helps me discover myself along the way. She should be strict when she has to be, and also caring and nurturing when I really need emotional support. I want a partner in life, not a one night stand or some FWB situation. If you're long distance and serious, we can try to make it work. I really do prefer local people or neighboring states though.

Kinks

As mentioned above my main two kinks are ABDL and sissification. Although, I do have a strong attraction to pet play, domestic servitude, humiliation, orgasm control, spanking, and bondage too! Things that I have been most curious about are pegging, pussy worship, confinement, chastity, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, rubber/latex, and adult nursing relationships. Underpinning all of this though is my attractions to femdom, female led relationships, and the idea of female supremacy.