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Sxylibrarian

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Friends:
through9

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Errant submissive NEEDS to be seduced, bewitched, & possessed! Sexually confident, boarding-school bred female in my 40's - ok now 50 ! - but still wearing the same size jeans whence 24. I can rock a pair of TR's! 5'4" brunette(long hair) with killer legs, and obscenely low body fat. I weigh 112 lbs. and a size 2 with muscles and curves in all the right places. I will segue right here to explain that I am not vain - (as been accused of such here)nor a super model. Being confident and braggadocious are very different and this is how I choose to describe myself physically. No silicone, body piercings, nor tattoos. Yikes! - just not my preference on MY body. My celebrity doppelganger would have to be Sarah Palin (in looks not intellect) some claim Tina Fey. No children. A collector of frequent flyer miles, speeding tickets, and Italian shoes. Sailor, avid reader, yogini, photographer, and scrabble player.
I am a self-employed type A who has somewhat tamed her chaotic worldwide travel schedule(about 200 days a year on the road now) but I still enjoy a fair amount of wanderlust (no pun intended) in my social life. My ideal partner would be world traveled and/or travel for work - perhaps a kinky “Up in the Air” type relationship to start. I am on my third passport(119 countries so far) and prefer to retire outside the US.
*UPDATE* few bother to read my profile so only the serious will be privy. I found my "forever city" - aka where I will retire and I will now be commuting from San Miguel De Allende, MX (BJX if you prefer the airport code- I do) for the remainder of the year to the US for work. I am in the process of leasing out my PSP pad as a long term rental. Purchasing property at non gringo prices requires feet on the ground as much as possible and my Spanish upgraded hence the move. Obviously, this further decreases my target demographic to a pittance but WTF, I am still out there and single. SMA is an amazing city, if you have been there, you know. If you haven't go! Maybe you will run into me in a small bar - I will be the gringa brunette in jeans and funky old gringo cowboy boots sipping whiskey or running all over town on my way to tennis in my skort and chucks. This city makes my soul scream with happiness. Its clean air, walkability, dazzeling colors, smells, people, and gorgeous colonial architecture are the raison d'être as they say in French. As much as I luv Palm Springs, it never resonated deeply. I am a believer in serendipity and I try not to overthink the why. If it feels right then go with it. To awaken to the sound of church bells, sunlight everyday warming the sublime orange, red, blue, stucco as you traverse the cobblestone streets to be greeted by every passer by with buenos dias and a smile. Turning the corner you inhale the aroma of fresh tortillas and you look up admiring the magnificent beauty surrounding and you just know.
I became a self-proclaimed minimalist about 4 years ago when I began to seriously contemplate my crazy career on the hamster wheel, and the obsession with money, stuff and what it all means. I have given most of it up. I still have many lovely things, just less of them and I see no reason to live in huge spaces and spend hours cleaning such. I prefer experiences over stuff now. What Have I gained? More time to travel and enjoy life having down sized my existence from my 6000 sq. foot old world. The cliche; money doesn’t buy happiness is oh so true, BUT it does get you a way nicer seat going from A to B - hail to Etihad, Emirates, and Qatar - the best in the clouds.
Searching for a mature, worldly man in his 40's to 60's. Love the Hugh Laurie or the most interesting man in the world look but sense of humor and intellect are paramount. I don't think I really have a "type." I have been attracted to many different looks and body types and I tent to keep an open mind with regards to "looks." Cerebrally, I am attracted to creative and edgy types or it just isn't interesting for me. Let's face it, we are on this site for the same reason. Looking for the certain "je ne sais quoi" that, quite frankly we can't find on a vanilla-dating site. It just doesn't feed our type of hunger. I have been told that "I consider sex to be both sport & adventure and my idea of foreplay is a killer game of scrabble". Vanilla Sex bores me- if you are not that outside the box, sexually confident type of person don't kid yourself- you know who you are as dominance is intrinsic. I am here because I am attracted to this transgressive side of relationships. It is what I need.
I am the type of woman who requires & wants to be completely controlled and made to capitulate in the BEDROOM,(that being said I have limits & preferences) this takes a certain kind of licentious personality. I am not talking whips and chains (ok, well perhaps neck ties and a hairbrush - LOL) just confidence. :) I have no aversion to the former but merely pointing out that one needn't have a "tool bag" of toys to be dominant just a bit of creativity.
Although, my bedroom activities are of the extreme submissive variety, I am looking for equanimity and equality in everyday life. I would not define it as 100% vanilla with regards to daily life but certainly I am not interested in any type of 24/7 slave type arrangement. I am also not interested in anything cyber.I have been told I am a "top from the bottom" type in my everyday life and that is difficult for some men to handle. I work in a male dominated profession and balls are required for both respect and success. I love my job and my crew and in turn, they love me back but as Bonnie Raitt so eloquently states, “never get your honey where you make your money” and I live by that rule - always. And yet, I struggle internally with the paradox of wanting to be both a modern day, feminist, woman and simultaneously a slutty, whore in the bedroom.
Oh yes, and when you go to open that little foil pkg and it happens to be GOLD, - ding ding you make it to the final round. If you don't instantly know what I am talking about, you should most likely not reply. Nail biting pillow throwing chemistry with the right person. Intellectual as well as physical stimulation. If the mind is not integrated how can the body respond? You must be an extremely confident, formidable, & dominant male both in the bedroom and boardroom. You understand the dichotomy of pleasure & pain and how to wield both. You would not hesitate with a salacious comment or a lascivious & sexually outrageous act in the right situation. You enjoy being in the dominant role and relish that high far more than sugar or caffeine. You require an extremely obsequious woman in the bedroom. DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE UNDER 40! (Note, that I would love to masturbate all day to buff young boys but I am not looking for that.) Please be height/weight proportional. If you modestly describe yourself as Pooh does - "physically superfluous" you are most likely 30 lbs. overweight and you wouldn't want me to be -right? I am not looking for Mr. Olympia but luving and respecting your own body is very important to me. Nutrition, Ayurvedic medicine, and yoga are a huge part of my life. I do not smoke, do drugs, nor take pharmaceuticals. I have never been hospitalized. You are of course, a non-smoker who seemingly possesses a hearty mix of intellect, humor, and character. You would describe yourself as successful (that doesn't necessarily mean fiscally) happy, and perhaps a bit enigmatic. You desire a relationship of substance. Not necessarily defined by religion, a legal agreement, or an architectural gem of flying buttresses. I have never been married so perhaps I lack the "marrying gene". Not sure. Perhaps marriage is simply a social construct created to protect property? I do however know, I have no desire to play Mom to children or grown ones who still reside with parents long after they need be. I have certainly come to grips that Price Charming sailing in on a Hinckley SW70 and sweeping me away will most likely never occur. Well, never say never. You, derive pleasure in pursuing and delight in being over the top naughty. You enjoy world travel, travel frequently and would adore a devoted companion by your side when possible. And finally, you relish the idea of being selfishly pampered by an intriguing woman who luvs to adore and pamper in return (between spankings that is ;) And, if you are a Sagittarius- yippee, as I have never had anything less than mind-blowing sex with other Sags. If you feel you might present a challenge to this particularly discriminating gal, please send your "resume" for consideration. ;) I have chosen to take down all my previous photos. They were professionally done and people were stealing them and/or berating me that they were fake. I will no longer send my images via the Internet so if you have a problem with that please do not contact me. I have no issues with meeting in person in a public place and I actually enjoy it. Why is the notion of a blind date so crazy these days? I actually like the idea. The instant gratification of a tinder swipe is quite frankly, not my thing. I would suggest however, that if you are unable initiate contact within a reasonable time frame (a week or so from initial contact) that you don't contact me till you are - it just wastes both of our time. Also, I am most likely not going to travel to meet you for the first date. So, if you are not geographically convenient(see journal post regarding such) it will most likely not work. As I believe in full transparency, the image that accompanies my profile is a stock photo but I adore it, nonetheless.

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3/28/2018 8:13:38 AM
Been away from transferring thoughts to electronic paper far too long. 

How odd that the last journal entry, although was just a silly rant regarding syntax and words, was perhaps more. Life, death and the journey betwixt has been on my mind a great deal lately. Watch the flic - The Leisure Seeker - a poignant journey of love and life and the end of such. 

The unexpectedness of it all. Well, because we are only supposed to die at a "certain time?" The past year or two has taken more than a large handful of colleagues in my stressful profession. People who, weren't "supposed" to die as they were too young, or in the prime of their career, or seemingly healthy in appearance. 
But that is not how the journey works. Karma works in mysterious ways. I would never be so grandiose as to think I am better or have the right to judge others so this is not about judging but rather about observation. How did these people chose to live their lives? Were they good people? Were they good husbands, good bosses, good friends? Unfortunately, I can not answer yes to the questions about these people who are not with us anymore. 
It is something to ponder as I navigate my daily life trying my best to live, not in the ego of it all. One hopes there is something more, a reason, a "why am I here" other than to just be.  
"IT" hasn't revealed itself to me yet, but perhaps it is part of the reason I feel the pull to relocate for awhile to San Miguel as I let life lead me on the journey of life. 

12/13/2017 7:19:00 AM
Cringeworthy words: 

“she was a sweet girl” 

“she was a nice woman”

Things that better not appear on my epitaph nor in my eulogy.
I am planning on being cremated so the former will most likely not be an issue. 
I can’t imagine such an insult to my being. 

Please if you can’t suss out how to describe me then consult a thesaurus. 

Carry on! 



12/11/2017 4:20:41 PM

Wow- this one takes the cake - from Korea. He did not specify North or South 
Brahhhaaaa! 

Gotta luv this site!!!!

Dated:  

12/11/17 1:42 PM  
 
 
  hello i am asian dom. i seek online slave dog


11/26/2017 8:38:59 AM
For the geography challenged out there, let us begin to live in reality land and consider how a long distance relationship/fling/affair could work. I am not looking to move in with you and frankly I enjoy my personal space and “soloness.” Location needn’t affect my belief in ethical non-monogamy(more on that later). 
Of course I am not a seer and I can not predict what the future will bear. I am however, a Sagittarius - the wanderer and my plans include living in 1/2 the year out of the country when I retire. 

Fact: 

I am in PSP California and will consider cities in the same time zone 1-3 hour flights. I adore the PNW as it is the anthesis of the desert. SEA, PDX, SFO, even DEN(not the PNW) are all options. 

In the Southerly direction, PHX, ABQ, KSAF, SDX all work 

West: SAN, LAX, SNA, BUR - not a fan of LA but I love the beach and the ocean. 

East: really not much there. Not a fan of LAS. 

So a dozen or so cities seem to be logical and reasonable. 
Now let’s factor in twice a month averaging $300 a flight on the low end. Is this something that works for you? 

At this time, my work schedule requires travel 10 months of the year domestically usually a week at a time and obviously not consistently. I have a very flexible schedule between my locations with varying windows of down time. I also enjoy meeting on the road if you have that particular schedule and flexibility all the better. I always thought an airline pilot would be a grand fit for me. LOL 

To recapitulate, if you do not live in one of these cities. Most likely the scenario is not realistically going to happen so let us not waste more time, I beg you.......







11/5/2017 9:14:15 AM
I made the neophyte mistake of getting a massage locally with a groupon. I knew I was up shits creek whence checking in,  the woman could barely communicate in English. So, it turns out to be a Chinese salon apparently they are expanding beyond the nail salon business and doughnuts - from what I have found in my travels but that is another story. 
So, no licenses on the wall and a “therapist” that barely speaks English. 
She keeps asking if “too hard” and I can’t explain that since she weight all of 80 fucking pounds it is never going to be too deep or too hard. 
Sigh
Lots of props involved. 
Hot rocks
skin brushing
Towels
Some sort of odd foot scrub 

And all I can think about the entire time is what toxic chemical soup is being absorbed via the largest organ of my body, from the super sized gallon of lotion and “oil” from Costco. 

No more groupons for me!

11/4/2017 8:44:20 AM
Who here has never bought into the “American Dream” - the paradigm that we are programmed to reproduce - by marriage, moving to the suburbs, purchasing a home, a safe little 4 door Volvo and shit tons of useless things we don’t need.  ???

Who here can wake up and say, “fuck this” and is truly not a slave to their job. Who can leave it all tomorrow because they are not ass high in debt.  ????

Who here doesn’t give a shit about what the Jones and their neighbors say. ???

Who here believes there is a huge part of their life that they are missing out on. ???





 

11/1/2017 10:40:41 AM
My erotic writing is waning and the creativity that sparked it. Perhaps, I need to seek out, date, and hang with more creative type people. I have never dated a musician, nor an artist, starving or otherwise. People who HEAR me, get me, who care far less about the scores of the latest sporting events night after night.

I don’t really have “a type.” 
I think the past year of not being able to share my writing with anyone (other than here) has taken its toll. 
We all come to this site, with Expectations.
(Some, so far from reality it is humorous.) 

So expectations, - I come with none, therefore you can not let me down. 

10/20/2017 8:32:45 AM
The “me too” campaign 

Everyday my Facebook feed accosts me with yet another “me too.” You can cat call me, slap my ass in public, rate me, and undress me in your mind. 

Really, none of which affront me in the least. I find your tables manners more offensive. Or the fact that you can’t be bothered to trim your nose hair. Honestly, you must be able to see it in your mirror. 

YET, you can’t seem to approach me, come up with a clever pick up line, pull my hair, call be a whore, nor make me be your slut in the bedroom. 

Oh the fucking irony! 

10/8/2017 7:35:32 AM
That feeling when you wake up and can’t wait to get engulf yourself in the book you fell asleep on the night prior. 

10/5/2017 8:44:04 AM
Things that make me smile even though it has been a tough few days: 

The sun that kisses my cheek and wakes me up from my bed 

The hummingbird who appreciates the duranta bush I planted in the garden

The view from my garden of Palm Trees glistening in the sunlight 

My outdoor shower 

My coffee chambord and some decent beans 


10/5/2017 6:53:45 AM
My activity here is quite sporadic. When I am away and working, I merely glance at messages and if they have little to say they just pile up like the others in the queue - pages and pages of them. 

I can’t relate to the term “slave.” It represents the opposite of everything I am searching for. Are there really that many men out there who want a piece of property and not a partner? 

It is numbers game, I just keep reading messages nas maybe someday there will be the one that is truely unique and gets me. 

M

9/25/2017 9:32:44 AM
On my mind this morning as am on the East coast - home to decent bagels. Why would anyone choose a plain bagel over the earthy, bold, dense experience of pumpernickle❓
Why oh why......

9/19/2017 12:54:23 PM

I apparently need a Black book of bad boys in various cities I visit for work. Searching is too much of a bother. Aaah
to have prime cock on speed dial would be very nice indeed. 

 

 


9/9/2017 7:54:24 AM
Three different cities in my next round of travels. 

A few preliminary CS searches in each reveal little. 

Honestly, zero creativity in writing a profile. Why? Why would anyone want to sound so dull? 

Are there any creatives out there? 

Artists, photographers, musicians, writers? 

Right brains raise your hands please. 

8/27/2017 11:16:59 AM
Any techies out there who know the trick to posting Cl ads in casual encounters? 

I repeatedly get flagged and deleted without my permission. 

Have tried new email account and new google phone number.

Nothing seems to work. 

My ad was quite tame compared to some most of the stuff posted. 

I can not find an answer on the internet. 



8/26/2017 8:50:48 AM

Because that is what HE needed

She knew the nuances in his voice well enough to know he had a shitty day at the office and the underlying reason he had called from his car. It wasn’t his norm to be anything but optimistic and upbeat.

She remained on the couch even after the front door slammed.  He dropped his keys and cell phone on the table beside the door and calmly walked towards her. Because it wasn’t anger or uncontrolled rage, it was merely pent up stress and she was how he was going to relieve it. Of course she knew that since the call and it was only a matter of how it would all play out. She looked up into his eyes and she knew he couldn’t harm her, hurt her yes, it would hurt but that was a temporary state of ecstasy her pain she needed it as much as he needed to wield it.

He grabbed her wrist without speaking and dragged her across the room to the kitchen, unzipped her jeans and pulled her panties down to her ankles bending her over the glass.
“I want to see a puddle of your fucking cunt juice all over this table. Do you understand?

“Yes, honey.”

“Good girl, now reach back and grab your ass cheeks for me and spread your cheeks, I want to see my cunt. Bitch, you have the most beautiful pussy I have ever seen.  Now hold still, I will be right back and for Christ sake get on your fucking toes. You now better.”

The rounded end of the table dug into her pelvic bone and her calves were starting to cramp but she didn’t dare fidget. He returned a few minutes later laying her rhinestone capped butt plug, a gift from her last birthday next to her face on the glass.  The smooth cold against her cheek made her quiver as he kept her toy in the refrigerator.  As he pressed it against her lips he whispered in her ear “that is all the lube you will get honey so suck on it like a good girl.”

And the next thing she knew, her ass was being stretched in a glorious pain making her cry out. “I want you to hold it in, babeeee. You need to hold it in while I do this too you.”

The swish of his belt being released from his dress pants signaled the start of the real shit. She knew that much. And she tensed her abdominals knowing what was next. “Count honey, please count for me.” After number five, her voice barely audible tears of pain running down her face, the welts now large red marks of his power in criss crossed patterns across her ass. She knew he needed to see the proof.  What that was, her tears, the welts, or her puddle of cunt juice on the table she didn’t know.

 


8/25/2017 1:46:38 PM
A missed Ride?

He is dark - instantly intriguing to me in a town of way too white. 
and wearing a cowboy hat and flip flops as I sit across from him in the reception area of the dentist’s office.

How many times do I have to look up and stare at his fucking crotch?

Most don’t - pay attention that is. Damn the masses. 

I can tell he has a nice cock as he shakes his foot to the beat of the music flipping pages of a magazine I can’t quite distinguish, in his just tight enough shorts. 
Oh he’s the dangerous type hiding behind the Raybans. If only he would peer over them for one second and feel my stare. 


8/25/2017 11:04:58 AM
liquid luv

A splattering of dried off-white liquid 
On a sea of deep blue cotton threads 
Evidence of his liquid energy 
Given 
Or maybe she took it from him
always unclear who was really in charge 
It remained a quandary like no other 
To her 

8/24/2017 9:13:13 AM
Observations mid latte:

Do you wonder, how many people out there are truly non judgmental?

In our 24/7 bombardment of hate news what if it were people like us on the news. 

If people truly get that inflamed by skin color, religion, and or political party than I can not imagine what they would think about me. 

As much as I do not understand the mentality of a woman who want to be a literal slave and door mat, I would never send her hate mail. 

How is this site any different when you read someone’s profile and feel compelled to send a complete stranger a diatribe of pure loathing. It is the ultimate irony as the sender is on this site not to be judged but apparently is able to judge others. 

What is it in a profile that so enrages someone to do this? I have read some pretty extreme profiles that are personally quite distasteful to me but never have felt compelled to judge them. What is it in someone’s personality that makes them feel so superior that they feel that innate need to put others down? 

Am I any less kinky, freaky, real, because I do not crave to be locked in a cage 24/7 in a dungeon? 







8/23/2017 9:40:11 AM
NO!!!! 
I don’t “want to share an update” on fb 

I want YOU:

to slam the hotel room door
Push me onto the bed 
Pin me down with my arms overhead so I can feel your strength 
and your cock grinding into my pelvis 
Pull my hair whilst kissing my neck 
and call me your little fucking whore 

to revel in the fact that less than an hour ago, I was merely a woman in killer heels drinking San Pelligrino @ the hotel bar

Do you see how this works?

7/31/2017 10:19:32 AM
Another airport, city, marriott, rental car ....
the sameness
the bustle 
the masses moving
to where? 
If I had a dollar for everytime I get stuck next to a 4' Asian gentleman in business. 
Where are the aggressive, interesting men? 
The man who understands the art of flirting. 
The verbose man who enjoys engaging. 
What do the hundreds of self proclaimed dominant men on this site do? 
Do they ever leave the chair behind their screens?

I seriously believe CL may be a more viable alternative which frankly, saddens me.

7/24/2017 6:07:58 PM
Perhaps it is my visual nature to just observe. I spend far too many hours in airports and although I would never classify myself as shy I don't enjoy being the one to engage. I like being the engagee. That being said, this electronic age seems to have created a new group of introverts who are more interested in what their phone thinks over me. Hmmp, well I certainly can not compete with Siri - as she is one hot, smart chic! 

And on another note, it would be nice to see some good luck point Ass. I mean where are the men over 40 who keep their glutes in shape? Where are they? 



7/14/2017 11:27:21 AM
That sinking feeling that:

What if, this is really as good as it is going to get?" 

Ever 

6/21/2017 5:50:25 AM
Cursory lobby observation this am: 

Me grabbing a latte dressed in very loud yoga pants(they scream look at my ass - LOL but really I just adore loud colorful Lilly and Trina Turk patterns) flip flops with perfectly manicured toes, glasses, and early morning hair. 

quick gander reveals:

2 Asian men eating 
1 women in a non flattering business suit 
2 more random men very young -hunched in kyphosis over a laptop - their poor spines 

1 very hot looking man w/ salt and pepper hair over 50 donning a “Yale” t shirt. The shirt garners my attention. Is a conversation starter. Says far more than a Nike swoosh or a ubiquitous country club/golf logo - although I have been to my share of prestigious golf courses. 

What does your wardrobe say about you today? 









6/16/2017 6:18:35 AM
I haven’t been on the site much as work travel is quite heavy for me lately and unfortunately the same; a few uninspired, boring messages riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. 

Oh well. 

4/4/2017 8:17:12 AM
I think I shall keep a geographic map of messages from other countries for comic relief. 

Not one has ever shown his face in the US nor sent me a plane ticket - LOL 

So far in my mailbox consisting of 68 pages of dribble: 

UK 
Australia
Switzerland
India
Greece
Canada 



3/30/2017 7:00:24 AM
The moment when the little ring slowly slides up the metal bar of the nipple clamp
squeezing harder and harder 
one nipple than the other 
is magical 

3/25/2017 10:45:01 AM
It’s hard to keep the perishable basics stocked when you travel as much as she does. 
She is certain she feeds the cat sitter more than herself. And it is always the expensive stuff; coffee beans, cashew milk, the organic grass fed butter that seem to be sparse. 

The grocery store “walk of shame” she thinks to herself and laughs aloud causing a pimply faced stock boy to topple the perfect pyramid of apples he was so diligenty trying to create. 

Her cunt leaking his cum onto the inner lining of her designer Lilly skort, as if her body was sighing in disgust and trying to discard the evidence sooner than later. Hey, at least he has a vasectomy, - do you know how hard that is to find? It should be a fucking requirement for men over 50. For god sake it is an outpatient procedure like getting fucking botox. Suck it up already. 

Body: “Why the fuck do you keep dating these pitiful males, and stop allowing then to fuck me? They don’t understand me and I always get the raw end of the deal - how can they not even make it to round two?” 
Brain: “Listen, my insatiable little darling. Stop being so selfish. Do you think I am content?” Nil, zilch, nada - he refuses to talk dirty to me, he lacks the art of the tease, he has no clue how to fuck my brain, and can’t even be bothered with small talk. Do you really think I have it any easier?”
"You know, without me, you wouldn’t even get wet - so stop complaining!"
Body: “I am merely saying, you need to try harder to find someone more accommodating and time is of the essence.” 
Brain: “yes, thank you for the reminder as you did manage to have one orgasm which is why my panties are a hot mess right now.” 
Body: “don’t kid yourself, most of it is his - LOL.”
Brain: “thank you kindly for the update, smart ass, sometimes you are such a bitch”
Body: “what do you expect when I can’t get what I want and deserve?” 
Brain: “touche - good point.” 
Brain: “have patience, I am trying and in the interim I brought that lovely little lipstick vibrator to keep you sated.” 
Body: “yes, well ok, I have to admit it is very nice.” 
Brain: ok then, let’s go finish the job “boyfriend for now” could not accomplish.”
Body: “deal”
Brain: “deal” 






3/24/2017 8:21:29 AM
This is a cover from someone’s page here so I will give credit surreptitiously from afar. I have amended it to apply to moi.


  •  I don't feel complete without his cum on me.
  •  His cock down my throat, centers me. 
  • His handprint on my face is lovely
  • He knows I love it when he makes me cry.   
  • The marks he leaves on my body are love letters.
  • My body is his to manhandle. My mind and soul are his to fuck.
  • He pushes me, slaps me, hurts me. Thank goodness.
  • Fear makes my cunt wet. 
  • When he told me not to talk back, I was surprised to realize I couldn't.
  • I am the luckiest woman on the planet. 
  • The only thing better than having his marks on my ass is having his hand there.
  • I can't process the feelings when he spits in my mouth. I just swallow.
  • I like it when I can't breathe.
  • I promise not to make a sound. The silence does not scare me. 
  • Sometimes he makes it so impersonal. But, I know it is not. 
  • What should I look like for you today?
  • He rapes me when I'm not ready. But, it isn’t really rape. 
  • When he kisses me, the world just spins.
  • Tits out, ass out, eyes on him. Forever.

3/24/2017 7:56:09 AM
Lost in the sheets  

left to pleasure herself yet again 

as the ceiling fan blades circle in perpetuity, 

so does her brain - pain -orgasm -pain -orgasm -pain (as it becomes one in the same)

the cycle never ends instead  just wanting increased, stronger, harder, extra, more

Hesitant to truly self inflict(I mean really, do nipple clamps even count?) and really what is the point?

so she watches digitally others suffer beautifully in ecstasy 

as she waits for her orgasm and the man who might discover her

lost in the sheets 



3/21/2017 6:58:20 AM
My inspiration has been waning here lately. I find my new contract(job) of never ending business depletes my creativity. 

I also found out last week, a man I had been seeing here (for a very long time) and had a relationship with, had lied to me about his marital status. I found it out from his daughter who face timed me. 

Ironically, he had just visited her and was counseling her and her husband(who cheated on her) and they are newly married and she is pregnant to stay together. 

I can’t make this stuff up! The poor girl - her father is the ultimate hypocrite and liar. 

Just tell the fucking truth
it will free you. What is the point of lying? 



3/7/2017 8:08:10 PM
What is the first thing I want to explore when I step into a new mans domain for the first time? 

Any guesses.......

His books

I am equally disturbed if he has none or if he doesn't examine mine. 



3/3/2017 7:22:05 AM
On someone’s profie picture: 

"Good Girls Bend at the knees

Bad Girls Bend at the waist

1st problem with this scenario is it is an almost impossible angle to get your cock down my throat.

2nd issue, isn't the view far more pleasing looking down at me on my knees- looking up at you? 





3/2/2017 5:45:25 AM
Darkness its stillness broken only by the humm of the old 1950’s icebox. 

Her grandmother called it that, perhaps why she chose to refurbish a memory from her past rather than add another item not needed into the world. 

The taste of last nights restless sleep still stuck to her mouth. More and more nights were becoming that way - restless. 

Her fingers danced over the keyboard knowing with the rise of the sun and the warmth her body so craved, there would be another opportunity.  

But first, coffee........



2/17/2017 6:38:08 PM
THE INVITATION
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing. It doesn’t interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain! I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it’s not pretty, every day, and if you can source your own life from its presence. I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”

It doesn’t interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children. It doesn’t interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away. I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

© Copyright 1999

2/17/2017 8:01:24 AM
Perhaps, I am this archaic romantic that just needs to be the lusted for. 

The words in this song just speak to me 

"That may be all I need
In darkness, she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline
Paint a picture with my hands
Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm
Change the weather, still together when it ends
That may be all I need
In darkness, she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me"

-Sunday Morning, Maroon 5 

Do we exist to get in a car, drive commute for hours, to a job we despise so we can pay our bills. Sure, it took me almost half my life to figure out that is all for not - Relationships over stuff. Company XYZ doesn’t give a shit about you so you can devote your life to yourself and your partner or a fiscal entity. I chose the former. 

2/14/2017 8:01:46 PM
My bottom wants red 

My soul too blue 

I want you to spank me

Why do you have no clue?

2/14/2017 9:44:33 AM
Had to post this one
as is classic!!! 
LOL 
From:  
 
 

   Dated:  

2/4/17 12:11 PM  
 
 
  I think it's cute when someone  to look up every word to try to sound smart. Relax you are no better then anyone else. And I'm sorry my phone changed the word. You pointing it out only shows an educated man that you are a democrat and I want nothing to do with someone like you. 

2/5/2017 12:21:25 PM
Collar space definition of a SOUL MATE: 

Someone who after a one sentence message that a 5 year old could compose 

“Hi Jane, this is Dick and you are great” 

sends a photo over the internet 

their personal cell number 

perhaps even their social security number to verify their identity 

then meets this person when it is convenient for his schedule - AKA he is married so has to steal around on the wife or girlfriend 

and after a 5 minute coffee date jumps into bed and lets this so called dom tie her up, whip her, and apparently anything else he wants to do because they are now SOUL MATES. 

Braaahhhhaaaa 

This site is at least comical 



1/29/2017 3:47:04 PM
I wonder, I truly wonder if all these wanna be doms really understand what it takes to make something like this work. Where is that burning deep down desire to understand my dark HERNESS? Understanding starts with reading - reading about me. And from there, leads to intelligent questions prompts a meeting. Not a month down the line but within a week or so. 

Am I the only pragmatic one here who has put considerable time into addressing geography, travel, fiscal issues, and pure time involved to have a healthy and trusting bdsm “arrangement"? 

Is everyone just looking for a one off here? I AM NOT GOING TO LET YOU TIE ME UP AND FUCK ME JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT IN A CAR AND MET ME. 

Is courtship dead? Perhaps, courtship is not a BDSM thing. Well, it is in my world. 

From the amount of bullshit profiles that say and read nothing to the hundreds of copy and paste notes I receive, I can only say that most here can not be bothered to even try. So how does that work later on in a relationship? "Meehhh.... I am too tired to bother to evaluate what you need and dominate you based on such.” Nothing worse than a lazy luver. 

I have yet to meet one “dom”, that can prove that he has any education in the Art of BDSM. A class, a reference form a teacher, a workshop. Nothing. Nada. Zippo. Yet, everyone claims they have “15 -20 years experience.” See my quandary.  

Hmmmmmm........



1/28/2017 8:23:43 AM
There may be no better way to be awoken from sleep, than having my nipples pulled and subsequently my head pushed onto his cock impaling my throat. 

Good Morning :) 

1/28/2017 8:21:02 AM
I had to borrow this from another profile, so apropos:

I am here, because I can not breathe with the lack of air in the vanilla world. 

1/25/2017 7:28:19 AM
I did a reverse profile search. Is it truly possible I am the only female submissive in the Coachella Valley on this entire website ???

1/25/2017 7:13:36 AM
"Masturbation is great until you realize you just fucked yourself!” 
I have been thinking about masturbation a great deal recently from both a male and female perspective. I had a past luver who 99% of the time could only come by him jerking himself off. This was disappointing as you can imagine. No fireworks and mutual spasming orgasms together - a bonafide coitus interruptus. 

I had another luver who claimed he had never ever masturbated in his entire life and I think it was true as I never saw him touch his cock ever. Ever. Yup- I actually inserted it with MY hand. 

And then there is me, I have the most lovely little pocket lipstick vibrator that I use, for the most part daily to get off. It is a powerful little guy who can do things to my clit that quite frankly a human could never physically do. I don’t know how many vibrations per second or what ever you unit you would measure that by but it is fucking phenomenal. I have been in more than one long distance relationship and I work on the road. I joke about it but it really is my Bob- (battery operated boyfriend). 

So my question is, does one become accustomed to pleasing ourselves that it becomes our new baseline norm? 

Something to ponder........




1/24/2017 8:13:08 PM

Skin Deep

 

Neither the ice nor the numbing cream could alleviate the sensation of:

the swoosh of clear liquid oozing in just under the pastry thin layer
like a napoleon with veins and capillaries

creating perfection like glass

smooth as a baby’s ass

Of skin: the largest and heaviest organ in the body, yet so susceptible

and never lying  -revealing of our indulgences – rather it sun, stress, or alcohol
maybe all three 

Wrinkles of our sorrow, our pain, our laughter and our joy

But we must hide them – an illusion of youth so sought after

Creating perfection like glass

Smooth as a baby’s ass 


1/24/2017 1:28:24 PM
It might be time for another round of HERE ARE THE RULES since no one bothers to read: 


If you don’t live locally don’t contact me until you have a DATE that you will be here. 

If you are looking for cyber - I am not interested. 

If you are looking for photos or my cell number - not happening, Read my journal entry on such as to why. 

Do not contact me if you can not meet me within a reasonable time frame - basically a week. 

Do not send me a generic copy and paste email. Will be deleted. 

Do not send me one sentence asking how my day is. Will be deleted. 

Do not contact me to send random hate mail or why I am fat or fake or whatever you need to voice. Be a fucking REAL MAN and leave me alone. I don’t send you random hate mail. 

And finally, Stop living in fantasy electronic La la land. 

Carry on.........

1/24/2017 8:40:19 AM
"Recipient sodomy is a perfectionist’s dream and a masochists’s nirvana."
 
A member here - suggested I read “The Surrender” by Toni Bentley. It is eye opening. From an energetics and anatomy perspective we do tend to hold our anxiety, fears, and stress in our hips (also shoulder neck area) and anal sex is absofuckinglutely the answer to such. 

After 298 ass fucks with her “A-man”, Miss Bentley spends the entire book regaling in the absolute delight of ass fucking. I think she has me convinced as to the power of willfully choosing perhaps the ultimate act of humiliation and penetration will indeed release you to a divinity like no other. 

I could read this book ten more times and still be in awe. 

I would say one of the most asked questions here, or when I meet a man for a coffee date is “how did you know?” 

I suppose the honest answer is, perhaps I did not for many many years. But, I did know, deep inside, SOMETHING was missing. Something I needed but could not define. 

Something that took years of socialization to manifest in my being. Something and someone I need to be the dark in my life. 

This being, I hope exists because years on this website is tiring me and this man is simply not going to knock on my door. Meehhhh...... I keep searching. 




1/14/2017 7:13:26 PM
Is lust just easier? 

Less time consuming than love 

Requires:

no promises 

no work 

no communication 

Just fucking 


1/12/2017 8:23:52 AM

And every so often a message will appear that sparks something. Rare to find intelligence here as if putting together a proper sentence is so fucking hard and time consuming it is just not worth the time. Truly sad.

This particular gent assumed I was an aristocrat as I listed boarding school. Interestingly enough, I was the scholarship girl who worked extra shifts in the kitchen so it was painfully apparent I was such. There was no life of privilege and no Winter break skiing in Staad. Eventually, I got to Staad and 119 other countries but like him, via hard work and took about 25 years.  So why do I crave to be where I now, certainly do not belong? This is the quandary. Footnote, - like most on this site. He never appeared in person after much correspondence

 

“From the Lower middle class, public schools, and public universities, I am not your fantasy of a aristocrat. I have a silver package, not a gold one, and don't really give a shit.

Absent a life of privilege, I made my way as best I could. It takes longer, but you acquire a certain maverick originality (or require it really). 

I am Bohemian, live simply, know and appreciate the finest pleasures but can't afford to indulge them as often as I would if I were corrupted by material wealth. I am decadent and hedonistic enough to know that whatever virtue I possess likely comes from an absence of opportunity.

A Gatsby of the intellectual world, striving to enter a world obstructed by birth, I admit that your profile feels to me like that of a kind of Daisy Buchanan. I might want you only for what you represent, and take deep satisfaction in seeing the reversal of fortune that your submission represents to me, so deeply satisfying, the boarding school bitch on her knees at last to a man who worked so hard to reinvent himself, and has come to claim his reward, with primal hunger and relish.

But beyond such vulgar wants, I'd prefer you were an extraordinary woman capable of intimacy and intellectual companionship, self-actualized, a keen historical awareness, spiritually generous, and with deep literary sensibilities”

 

 


12/27/2016 8:20:20 AM

Just apropos but moreover the theme song from The Big C - A show every person should be required to watch. I have given dying and death many hours of thought in my game plan of living my retirement in a 3rd world country as a single woman. Maybe it is just my type A anal retentive qualities but I like having a plan for “the game called life” :) 

Leftover Cuties


 – Game Called Life Lyrics

It's so hard to turn your life over
Step out of your comfort zone
It's so hard to choose one direction
When your future is unknown

Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.

Are we, are we all really slaves?
By the hands of ourselves
Did I really make all of those mistakes?
Am I really getting older?
Then why do I feel so lost?

Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.

And at the end of the road, is there someone waiting?
Do I get a medal for surviving this long?

Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.

Is this some kind of a joke, will someone wake me up soon?
And tell me this was just a game we played, called life.

12/11/2016 9:42:09 AM

French Cuffs

Never on the hanger, rather boxed

was where and why they met

She wrapped her bare shoulders in it- his shirt - large enough for two of her

Its severely starched, harsh, manner was nothing like his

The cuffs, French – even though he had never been -the Rolland Garros clay tempted him more than once

The factoried whiteness like a smooth vanilla milkshake as it dribbles down her chin

It covered his blackness – his monogram temporarily branding her like she needed a reminder she was his now

His largeness once mildly repulsive, intrigued her smallness and she longed for his being against her – massively dwarfing her

It brought her calm

He was like the NBA and NFL wrapped up in one without the thug ness AND the ego

She could barely reach him on tippy toes but what did that really matter

His thigh strong enough to pin her down

His hand large enough to palm a basket ball, could grasp her ass cheek whole

He adored her walking around barefoot in the shirt, so uninhibited with her body

He liked better throwing her on the bed and taking it off her though

This she knew


12/7/2016 7:52:58 AM
"The articulate is the enemy of the erotic."

I would argue,  perhaps on the submissive side and only during the encounter of course ;)  




12/3/2016 8:49:20 AM

I edited this one a bit more

Trains

Full moons fucked her up. Literally she could not think straight only desiring to be used. She needed a clean non-emotional transaction that would negate her cunt controlling her mind. Trolling Craigslist was an absolute last resort but she was shit out of options.

Heels, dress, condoms, mints were all she needed– she texted him from the train. “arriving on trk 42 wearing a beige dress, trench coat, with black heels and glasses”. Good girls live in sterile little worlds of perfection. And, if you want dirty you have to go where the dirt is, the suburbs too clean and perfect. The lawns exactingly manicured fairways of green, surrounded by white picket fences and borders of hostas foregrounding center hall colonials and tudors block after block. Certainly not the place to find perverted kinky men who find pleasure in using her as their nasty fuck toy if only temporarily.  

Maybe this time it would be different and not another boorish coffee date with some narcissistic, droll, 20 pounds overweight who spoke only about his money-making abilities. If only Metro North were a magical train capable of delivering her to that man who could understand her completely. Who wanted her imperfectly perfect self and could both luv and hurt her.  Yet, her stubborn optimism never waned click clack click clack over and over mile after mile the train to ecstasy, perhaps but the statistics certainly told otherwise.

He saw her instantly as she demurely stepped over the gap. Like the train’s air brake a moment prior, he let out a loud sigh and finally was able to relax and enjoy the game he was about to so expertly control. She was alluring to no end and actually did possess a pair of killer legs.  “Fucking jackpot- maybe all the sluty chics have moved to the suburbs,” he mumbled aloud. He walked towards her and stopped inches from her face. She almost ran into him but at the last second looked up. Lifting her head away from her texting she looked into his eyes and just for a moment felt something odd “may I pass please?” “No, I think I would like you to stay here for a moment – please stand still and don’t speak, Olivia.”

She was in awe – is he really doing this in the middle of a crowded train ramp in Grand Central Station?

Wow, he was hot as hell. He circled her and actually grabbed her ass cheek almost making her fall forwards on her four inch heels. “Fuck, he is quite bold” she thought to herself - “about fucking time.”

He took her hand in his and put his other finger to her lips to remind her no words were necessary. Barely able to keep up with his stride in heels, he led her over to a dirty corner stacked high with pallets. He grabbed her hair roughly and kissed her hard as he rubbed his cock into her pelvis crushing her sacrum against the wall.

His lips never left hers as he pushed her right cheek to the filthy wall via her chin. He moved his mouth to her ear and whispered “you are absolutely stunning and I am going to fuck the shit out of you until you are a whimpering mess of cum.” “Do you understand this?” She whimpered yes and he kissed her again sensing her neediness. “Come let’s get out of here.”  He grasped her tightly by the wrist and led her thru the crowd to the curb, hailed a cab, and pushed her into the back seat. She didn’t say a word as he barked an address to the driver whilst simultaneously pushing his hand up her dress and plunging two fingers into her wet cunt. “My fucking pretty little whore is so wet – isn’t she?” he whispered in her ear. He slapped her thigh loudly “spread!” and she wiggled to try to create more space in a dress that was not made for such. Horrified, she avoided the eyes of the driver who was trying to make contact via the rear view mirror. Instead, she chose to look out the window entranced as a total stranger was violating her cunt in a taxicab. Why the hell she found this situation utterly intoxicating was beyond her grasp to define.  She knew nothing about him. Name, most likely fake – what did it matter really, occupation unknown but most likely F&A, he just seemed the type. Impeccably tailored suit most likely made in HKG, cufflinks, tie Hermes, shoes ostrich and most likely Italian. Education could always be bought but taste and style evolve with travel, why she preferred foreigners. And his smell was different. Not the typical American ivory soap over the counter product no, it was mysterious more pungent, - clove maybe.

 

As the sun set its’ rays piercing her thru the high rises, blinding her from time to time she stared out the window at the concrete and chrome jungle and tried to concentrate on her breathing as the sensations  were building between her legs. God, he knew exactly how to touch a woman.

A few moments later the taxi sharply turned towards the curb and she careened into him falling on his lap. “Are you ok babes?” He cussed the driver out in some foreign language she could not discern as he picked her off his lap and kissed her gently on the cheek at the same time pushing the two fingers into her mouth “clean” and she tasted herself “good girl” and he swiftly swiped his cc while caressing her calf muscle with his other hand.

He swiped the room key, “Does it suit you?”

“Yes, quite lovely” as she strolled the rooms admiring the stunning steel and glass views in every direction. He removed his suit jacket placing it over the valet in the master suit. He loosed the knot of his tie not taking it off and opened the top two buttons of his shirt exposing a bit of salt and pepper chest hair. She stretched over the chaise releasing her neck over the edge. “Your neck is very desirable to me.” He ran his finger slowly from her clavicle bone up her neck till he could go no further and grasped her sternocleidomastoid with two fingers applying pressure. She gasped slightly for breath. “You know this muscle. luv?” “Yes, I am very familiar with the sternocleidomastoid” “Touche - and you are a smart little bitch as well quite impressive.”

He filled the wine glasses with the Perrier that was chilling on the table. “Cheers, Olivia you are truly a gorgeous woman” “Thank you John”

“Come”

He grasps her hand and leads her to the bathroom. “Please turn and put your hands on the edge of the sink.”

He unzips her dress letting it fall to the floor. He pulls her lace panties down to the floor. “Don’t step out of them just sit on the toilet like that” - mmm God I luv your hair, your legs, and your calves are so damn hot in those heels.” He squats down in front of her and tilts her chin up kissing her on the lips. Kissing her forehead, her cheeks, her chin, her nose. “Pee for me hon.” “Huh - you want me to to  to …...” He slaps her quickly quite hard across the face interrupting her babble the stinging instantaneously inducing tears. “I asked you to do something. I am not to be questioned. Do you understand me. Olivia?” “Answer me?” he grabs her chin fiercely forcing her to look into his eyes. “Yes” “Yes what?” “Yes, I understand, John.” “Thank you darling, it pleases me to watch you. You are here to please me, yes?”………..

 

To be Continue


11/23/2016 2:40:35 AM
Just searching for a dom who wants to lead me down a road less traveled named Taboo 

-unknown 

11/20/2016 6:04:21 PM



The Review

Three years, maybe four since she had seen him and he was exactly the same. Perhaps even the same leather as if he should have arrived on a motorcycle between his legs – he certainly had a bit of that bad boy thing going on which is why she was initially attracted to him. Leather jacket but the details didn’t lie, a silk scarf and very nice shoes coupled with a pair of expensive form fitting jeans – a very Euro look.

Fuck if she could remember where it was but the accent and the ass were unforgettable. And his scent, clean mixed with Bergamot. Many times he had been in her head while she brought herself to orgasm. The first time in his apt high in the clouds as he slammed her from behind against the glass window. Her arms pinned over her head on the glass as well, her nipples hard as fuck against the cold. That scent the citrus mixed with a hint of awful nicotine which she chastised him for. His lips on her neck as his one hand wrapped around her throat and the other tweaking her nipples mercilessly making her beg for him. So fucking lovely his large black hands grabbing her ass roughly and spreading her cheeks wide after slapping them. “Yes, please darling, please, please” 

“please what?” 

“please fuck me please fuck me with your gorgeous cock.” 

“bien bitch c’est vrai"

She liked what she liked and big cock especially brown and black ones were her preference. But they had t be attached to a equally interesting mind and although his was mostly hidden, there was no doubt he was well read.

Cocktails chit chat – the usual. He liked that she could make him laugh. Yet, he was still the French Belgian Enigma – how he appears in her phone and divulged only what he wished to. He wanted to go to his place – but the decadent hotel room was far more convenient.

 “Take your fucking clothes off” – he forgot “bitch” but well we can’t have it all. I hesitated and received a stinging slap across the face. Deservedly so.

He pushed me to my knees and shoved the latex cock down my throat. So hard to have saliva over rubber.  “suck it just fucking suck it” and he grabbed a fistful of her hair.

Thankfully tonsils were not accosted by the plasticness for long as he threw me on the bed

But he bored easily of legs high in the air and preferred to watch, taking me the same way as the first time from behind. Against the full length mirrored closet door. My heels struggled to grip the slippery wool beneath them as he pounded me and had to put his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet. Corner room always requested but well, I would certainly never be described as the squeaky mouse type.

Back to the bed from behind to feel him orgasm in me as I did as well. Whomever claims size does not matter knows not what the fuck they say.

Then the jump out of bed directly to shower part- I remember being startled the first time and still was. Like he had to clean the dark form him as quickly as possible –me still incapacitated and breathing heavily after having my ovaries rearranged.

But instead of dressing he gets back into bed apparently craving  a post fuck intelligentsia. And after debating the state of the word as fucked I decide to read him a few of my stories. He laughs at the right times, moans, at the right times, and I think I caught him touching himself out of the corner of my eye but I am not a proficient reader of my work and I stumble often over my own words. Something I will have to work on.

“Your writing has made me hard again and I need to fuck you” and so it goes - round 2 ding – the best literary review a girl could ask for. 


11/19/2016 3:44:08 PM

Blinded

In the same position as he found her,

he left her

Her knees newly raw from the berber wool

Her pussy swollen from the two times he so violently finger fucked her to orgasm

Her hair and face a sticky concoction of her phlem and his cum

She unties the scarf hoping he didn’t get his shit on the silk that HE gave her and shivers as the door slams shut and wonders why

Why does she do this to herself ? Because it is fuck for all without him

Maybe there never was him

Perhaps she made him up

The perfect dom who would create the naughty lovely scenarios she so needed

The perfect dom who could kiss her so deeply and passionately yet inflict enough pain to make her cry and know when to stop

The perfect dom who could fuck her mind as well as her cunt

The perfect dom who lived, truly lived for her submission to him

The scarf from that lovely trip to the souk, a late afternoon walk from the hotel she recalled him clutching her hard – more so for his ego than her safety. But that was him.
Of course it had to be that scarf, no other would do.

The diaphanous fabric, like a cape for a super hero, could transform her from a vulnerable little girl to a wanton slut who cared less about her vanilla latte demeanor

Always the same vanilla white latte

At least she was consistent

This one was half black (or so he claimed) and fucking fine –her hands knew that

 A one in a million CL lottery win, whose cock did not fail to gag her repeatedly until her tonsils ached more than her jaw

and her mind wandered back to why………..

 


11/10/2016 8:58:57 AM

 

Red, White & .............

Red White and Bruised by the hate, as I watch from the gayest city in America.

From my lily white mid century modern condo, I admire the mountainous view, a view that only a privileged few see. I jump on my bike that cost a months rent and have brunch at the tennis club. I arrange my calendar of tee times and mahjong and pilates whilst tanning my appendages by the pool.

I am the closet freak living my Tahitian vanilla life, which occasionally segues to a variety of yummy flavors.

Chocolate Fudge oh how I love my big black brothers and their very large cocks. The tennis pro at the club – don’t even get me started.

Butter Pecan that exotic looking Spanish barista. Her tight as fuck t-shirt highlighting her beautiful nipples which taught me endlessly making me get wet every time I order  a damn latte. I have to limit my lattes needless to say.

English Toffee my handsome brown uber driver with that delicious British accent and the gorgeous ass. Good God.

Yet, I haven’t walked a minute in any of their shoes. I don’t know their stories. Do I even want to know their stories, their struggles, and their hardships?

Or do I just want a kinky fuck from them?
Guess I am off to the Ice cream parlor

“ May I try the pomegranate chip, please"

Mmmmmm………….


11/8/2016 2:08:02 PM
"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." ― Oscar Wilde

worth repeating 

11/8/2016 9:15:52 AM
For the most recent technotard who quote wrote the following in regards to my decision to not send him a photo:

"That is your decision which is fine.
But it is strange that one that does feels she needs more words but yet seems that they do not post an actual picture or use an initial is hypercritical.
Good luck”  

His google image search yielded his linked in profile and his cs profile on the same page 

YOWSER!!! It was all there. Same pic. Name, company work history. From there it was so easy. Facebook - found the wife. Perhaps she would love to know that he has “been involved in the lifestyle for 20 years” - willing to bet she has no clue. 

And on top of that, he must have been One when he graduated from high school - wow you are 61 not 43 - shocking!!!!! 

Who cares I am not going to fuck you. But you truly are moronic! 

I am not a vindictive bitch but really have some fucking common sense and then do NOT berate me for understanding discretion for which you can not appreciate nor understand. 

I am waiting for your apology. You know who you are. 

UPDATE ON TECHNOTARD: 

Turns out the moron stole his coworkers identity. That is if he is even telling the truth. And suddenly his profile is conveniently deactivated. But I have an electronic screen grab of the photo in context of the CS page. Forever. So, deleting means shit! 

So, if you are not pissing your pants yet, you should. With one stroke that could have been on his wife and kid’s face book feed, his linked in profile, and sent to the HR dept. of his company. 

Moral of the Story: 

You never know who you are dealing with in electronic LaLa land. 

Type Safe Out There My Friends. 



11/8/2016 7:56:56 AM
HOUR GLASS:


The minuscule grains of sand fall for three minutes
Flip 
For thee minutes 
Flip 
For three minutes
Flip 

Disregarding the internal fluctuations of the hourglass, father time keeps marching forward. His mission, like a platoon of brainwashed soldiers -unstoppable. 

To be wrinkled like the pages of a good book our bodies will break down and bare witness to time. Does it scare me? A bit, because love is shallow in most and they can not see past the creases of time and into the character beneath it created. 
Years of laughter, pain, triumph, death, and birth it ceaselessly cycles. 

Esthetically, time, however, is not my friend:

It wrinkles my face
It sags my breasts 
It grays my hair 

It devaluates my worth in a virile, male run marketplace. Am I beating the odds? Sure, yes  easily look 15 years less. But not forever.

But not forever.  

YET, it builds me stronger, wiser, and braver.
For the one who values such worth sans wrinkles. 



11/7/2016 5:00:27 PM

Giving Her out 

He chose to tape her wrists together over her head. – too easy no creativity required to put them behind her back. It was uncomfortable, it made her back arch and her ass stick out even more enhancing his view from behind. He liked her cunt high in the air exposed and vulnerable. He liked perfection. She was perfect. And she knew it. So she didn't know why she would allow this; her fingertips touching in prayer, as if prostrating oneself before any god would alter anything. Her right cheek uncomfortably mashed against cold, wet, dirty porcelain as the relentless, rusted faucet continued its torturous onomatopoeia on her left cheek. “There’ll only be a few this time luv- I promise” as he brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear and kissed her on the neck. She could only mumble past the panties stuffed in her mouth. He couldn’t have her screaming her head off and attracting the wrong attention. She knew better than to believe his math and what did it matter anyways. “I adore you,” he said, kicking the inside of her calf with his expensive Italian shoe to spread her legs further apart. “I will take care of you luv- I know what you need.” The scarf over her eyes was necessary. The snob in her repulsed would never allow them –so beneath her and yet clearly that was the point really to remind her of her place. And yet, the scarf was just as much for him, it was too damn painful to look into her eyes as he subjected her to the degradation. He couldn’t stand to look at her, watching him watch her. As much as he controlled her, she too controlled him in a very different and uncomfortable way.    (Continued in part II)


8/23/2016 5:21:08 AM
Not from my brain, however is true: 



HONESTLY, IT IS NOT THE WAY I LOOK 
THAT REVEALS MY AGE, 
IT’S MY USE OF COMPLETE SENTENCES 
WHEN I TEXT  


8/20/2016 7:58:16 AM

The M train

His arm landed inches from her face, the colorful melee grasping the vertical metal

Her nose wanting to sniff the scent of the red hibiscus floating dreamily on his flexed bicep

Her tongue wanting to lick the pineapple adorning his forearm

Her cunt wanting his oh so colorful powerful appendage around her throat and his other hand up her dress

But as her eyes made their way slowly down his arm of miscellany she spied the hands of a child. Small, tiny, too young, too naive for her dark proclivities.  

Amongst the crowd, he disappeared at the next stop. 

 


8/20/2016 6:33:33 AM
Today is clean up day - 50 pages of messages again and time to do some circular filing. 

A few observations and reiterations

If you are geographically not near me please, do not message me unless you travel a great deal or want me to. 

Your profile is your calling card, your elevator speech, your sales pitch. If you can not be bothered, it speaks volumes. At least once a week, I get the excuse of "I can not place a profile as I seek to be discreet". I call BULLSHIT. If you can identify me with the volumes I have wrote - let me know. So far no one has. 

If my replies are pithy, it is because your profile or message did not warrant anything more. That may seem bitchy to you but this is how type A’s file thru the stacks of paper everyday. This is an electronic stack of paper. I am guessing 80% of it is fake and I treat it as such. This is why resumes get throw away due to one typo. It is a way to merely whittle the stack down. So, please have the decency to spell check and/or learn proper sentence structure. It is a fucking travesty to the US school system. 

If you can not exert the effort to read my profile nor make one reference to it in your message I assume you are sending me a copy and paste mass email and you can’t be bothered. So why should I? 

If I do not answer your message it is because I am not interested. I was actually accused of being racist as I did not answer an email from a black man. FYI, I dated a black man for 10 years. I could care less about your race, religion, or skin color. 

My journal is my creative side. Most of it is my personal writing. If you are not interested in it then you are not interested in me. This is who I am: a creative, type A, submissive. 

If after exchanging a few messages, you do not ask me out on a coffee date, I simply loose interest. I am the submissive and I don’t find it interesting to pursue. It is your job as a dominant to pick the place and time. 

My profile is strong and over the top. I get it. It elicits a great deal of hate mail. So be it. It also reveals who indeed has anger issues and who feels confident enough to handle me - very few. 

If we meet for a coffee date and you do not compliment me once on anything, looks, personality, my earrings, my sense of humor, I am going to deduce you are either a misogynist or you really have no idea how women think and feel. 

And finally, I simply will not explain nor argue my stance regarding my privacy. I had a lengthy conversation with  someone who absolutely could not understand my need to be discreet with regards to my career. This was mind numbing to me. I work in a very male dominated profession. I get sexual comments and my ass slapped fairly regularly(and you can guaranfuckingtee I slap his right back or reply with an equal comment) there is no way I would expose my sexual proclivities of this nature EVER. I am a female, that in any given situation, I can be overpowered by a man. I have no idea why anyone would not understand the perceived and real vulnerability of this power exchange. 

I will not send photos via the internet. I will not text you from my published cell phone number. (I do however have a google voice # and I can video chat from google) and yet I have no issues meeting you. This speaks volumes. There is no real chemistry until we meet. So, if you feel you can not make that happen then I am not sure why you are on this sight looking for a sexual encounter or a relationship or whatever you may be searching for. 

Happy Searching everyone - now carry on. 



8/19/2016 6:45:17 AM

Teacher


She ached pushing her spine to lengthen, never accepting her body as is. Her yoga practice mirrored her life – too aggressive, too powerful, never enough. Never fucking enough. Forcing herself to focus and address her compulsiveness via a muscle or a bone instead of relenting.

“Why does she keep adjusting me?” Christ those fucking red nails of hers. I would love to feel them create welts on my back  - if she only knew what I was thinking right now.” “Damn it though, she knows how to adjust on the exhale and that was exactly the right place to push.”

Gently her strong yet delicate hands moved her energy and her shit into another place but not her dark place.

Her beautiful lips whispered in her ear “let it go, let it all go”

“if she only knew what she was doing to me. Such a gorgeous creature taunting me like a child when she is the damn child”

But she knew her secret.   

that necklace, she had never seen her teach without it

and then one day it was there on her phone

as she stared at the eyeless perfect pink lips

it was her – had to be and so she kept coming to her 9 am

spending the entire class wishing she would touch her again 

concocting in her head what she would say to her  

although, she knew she would never would.

6/18/2016 8:12:07 AM

That blue dress:

Her being automatically aggrandizing with each inch of heel, her toes contentedly confined by the matching ocean colored suede


The crepe material flowing across her thighs as she traversed the lobby of humanity searching for him

The silk lining palming her ass cheeks

“That, is an absolutely stunning dress and you wear it beautifully”

The foreign accent triggered her spine to lengthen yet more, but his words; made her wet.

Catching only a glimpse of a tall, Asian man in a handsome suit of the same color,

she spent the remainder of the night in enveloped in navy, wondering if he would reappear.

 


6/2/2016 7:24:22 PM

Keeper of his cuff links

She rolled over moaning believing she was in the midst of some bad dream, only to find she was safe in bed usurped by a mountain of down and pillows. She liked to sleep that way, a pillow between her legs. Pillows scattered randomly over the bed. She rubbed her eyelids with her palms only hearing him and his anger. Even in some obscure Chinese dialect she knew his tone of disdain. She resented the time changes and how they infringed on her precious time with him but she knew this was the nature of his world and he thrived on its’ cortisol high. She stumbled into the adjoining living room, the carpet quietly hiding her presence. His shadow was bent over the desk staring at some obscure technical drawing of God knows what. His large hands gripping the back of his tense neck desperately trying to find an answer in his own musculature. He didn’t see her as she made her way behind him to the small kitchen area her feet enjoying the cold honed marble. In the dimness of the under counter lighting, she opened the small icebox and poured two glasses of San Pellegrino. She placed the heavy glass on the desk as she kissed the top of his head letting her arm lightly rest on his shoulder for a brief moment. She couldn't sleep so she turned on the small led reading light next to the headboard and charged into her latest novel. She placed her ear buds in to avoid his distracting, verbal, rampage. She hated to admit it, but even his work anger turned her on in a weird sort of way. She must have fallen asleep as she was startled to wake up to him heavily straddling her thighs, her arms pinned uncomfortably against the leather headboard. It was still dark and she couldn't see the clock. He was staring at her and did not look pleased. He removed the ear buds from her ears. 

"Pussy cat, am I a reasonable man?" Trick question. She knew this was not going to be pleasant. She hesitated just a moment too long before he delivered a stinging slap across her face. 

"Yes, honey you are quite reasonable most of the time" 

"You really are a little smart ass you know - pushing me with that glib reply when you know my bloody mood. Do you really want to fuck with me when I am this way with work stress? Why can't you simply answer me properly like a nice little cunt?" Slap again- and the stinging, which didn't last long as he let her arms down long enough to roughly grab both her nipples and pull them. She knew not to scream. "Come bitch" and he pulled her off the bed by her tits. "Down. Crawl" He led her across the endless pattern of raised diamonds her knees following him to the closet. He ran his hand across the metal chimes that sealed her fate.

"Tell me baaabeeee, what is wrong with this picture?" 

She sat back on her knees staring at the clothes in the closet and the hangers as they quieted themselves- half asleep; she truly had no idea what he was thinking. He squatted in front of her and ran his fingers though her hair."Sirgi, I really don't know what is wrong -please tell me."

"Come on bitch you are a very smart girl or you would not be mine think, think hard.” He stood up towering over her. He luved to see her on her knees looking up at him like a lost puppy waiting for a treat.

“On second thought, get your ass up here maybe a few smacks will jog your memory.” He reached for the wooden handled shoehorn with one hand whilst grabbing her hair with the other hand pulling her up onto his lap. "Pull down your panties- now." She did as told. "Count" She lost track at 8, her head spinning with pain and yet her pussy dripping onto his thigh. "You know how much it hurts me to hit you luv. But, you really need to remember the details. Will you remember, like a good girl that my shirts always, honey always in the box -never on the hanger hon? Will you remember, now?"

"Yes, honey yes, I am sorry.” She was on the verge of tears from the pain of eight welts now bright red on her ass cheeks. "Oh you are such my good baby. You are so wet honey. Come, darling roll over, I am going to lick your sweet little cunt till you come so hard you won't feel the pain on your ass." He picked her up kissing her face and carried her back to the bed. He knew exactly how to make her cum. Spent; she fell back asleep in his arms as if the whole nasty affair had never occurred. 

She awoke before he did the rays warming her eyelids. And as she quietly made her way back to the bathroom to relieve herself, she spied the pink laundry receipt peeking out beneath the stack of papers. She glanced at the dark ink in the section marked "shirts boxed” knowing it all along.

She slipped back into bed, his face sideways on the pillow his hand draped across his face as if to ward off his past demons. She stared at the closet, the hangers, the perfect row of white shirts lined up ready for battle. As she rolled over, his crisp, starched, linen brushed against her nipples as she pressed her body into him.

 


6/2/2016 6:36:24 PM
Forced Socialisation- the relationship I seem to be having with my pilates reformer. 

He commands as the carriage slides back and forth back and forth back and forth 

Open legs 

Close legs 

Squeeze glutes

Lift your chest 

Touch your nipples to the foot bar 

Do not stop 

Is you ass too sexy? Then keep squeezing. 

Point toes 

Flex feet 

Did I say stop? I didn't think so

Push through your heels 

Lengthen thru the neck 

Squeeze your lower abs 

Find your obliques 

My life in motion 



4/18/2016 7:41:34 AM
Morning Sunlight

He kissed her softly on the forehead and tucked her underneath the covers her head barely visible usurped by the thickness of the duvet. "Tomorrow I have a stressful day, luv. I will awake at 5. Please be as I desire. You know what that entails." She knew yes and knew 5 am was just a way to keep her waiting till he woke whenever that truly might be was to be determined by him. She nodded her head obsequiously trying her damnedest not to look dismayed. She set her alarm for 4:45 am and tried to not think about the morning as it would come far too soon. 
It was cold and she stood shivering on the floor naked. She ran the water in the sink, warming the cold metal. Then she sprayed it with almond oil and returned to the bed - his side. She kneeled bent over and painfully inserted the jeweled butt plug into her ass. She hated "putting things in her" - that was for someone else to do. And, he knew that which is why she was where she was. She cringed at the uncomfortable fullness as she bent down even farther placing her face on the floor and her now bejewled ass high in the air. Impossible to sleep, she just closed her eyes waiting as the wood bit into her knee caps. She opened her eyes feeling the warmth of the sun rays on her cheek. Not knowing what time it was, it didn't matter he wasn't awake yet. 
He woke opening his eyes to her beautiful ass high in the air as he knew she would do as she was told. "So very lovely my bitch. Clench your ass muscles and let me see the jewel move about. Yes, oh yes honey that makes my cock so fucking hard." 
He literally jumped out of bed and grabbed a fistful of her hair pulling her face off the floor. "Open" and she opened her mouth as he spit into it. "Come - Crawl" She scurried to keep up with her hair which he would not release. When he made it to the sink he released her hair bending down and giving her a deep kiss he whispered in her ear, "you are the most precious thing on the planet to me luv." He walked over to the toilet and pissed then walked back to the sink to wash and brush his teeth. "squat baby and take it in your mouth. Do not let go of the ass plug baby or I will have to punish you. Do you understand?" She nodded yes with his cock half hard in her mouth as he pushed her head down to the base till her lips touched his pubic hair. "breathe bitch you know how to do this properly." She gagged up the first round of phlem as it ran down her chin onto her tits. "Good girl sweetie - again take it all down." She tried to spit and breathe but he was forcing her head down again before she could think straight. He knew it was best to make her gag in the morning when she had nothing in her stomach. Her beautiful, pitiful, face covered with spit and his come was his favourite way to start a stressful day. "Yes baby hold it in deep - more" he pushed her chin up looking deep into her eyes. Never revealing all, he knew he had the one thing that could make him happy for the rest of his life. 


4/16/2016 5:09:21 PM
Window to the Soul: (part 1)

I noticed her because she was doing nothing. A very unNYerish thing - to be doing nothing. Simply gazing out the window, at me no less. She tilted her head to the side when her eyes caught mine for a brief moment. I couldn't help but think, who the hell has time to look out the window. I boarded at the opposite end of the car and as I a walked towards her she was still, simply looking out the window. From my vantage point afar, she appeared a bit plain, but perhaps that was not a fair word. Really, it was just as if nothing on her stood out from the whole. But for me, it was her glasses. I suppose I have always had a certain fetish for women who wear glasses. They always seem to have dark secrets.

She was sitting in an end seat. Would she say anything about our eye contact prior? 
"Excuse me, may I sit across? She turned her face away from the glass, "oh yes, of course it's you." Do you have a name? 
How odd, I thought to myself. Of course I have a name he mumbled to himself. "Edward." "Mmmm, that's nice- Eliza" 
Yes, she looked and sounded like an Eliza. Her voice was playful as if a challenge to out clever her thoughts before they became words. "I sense Eliza, that you are the type of woman who likes words a great deal." "Well, yes Edward now that you mention it, I do indeed. I am guilty of far too many hours in front of a scrabble board." 
"And do you play scrabble pool side as well as your legs are far too browned for a NY April?" My eyes yearned for just another inch of her lovely thigh to be revealed. and why did she have to go and ruin it for me with those damn chucks on?
"Edward from words to legs in one fell swoop? Will you be inquiring about my panty color next?" I laughed aloud as she pushed her hair behind her ear. "and I can see Edward, that you dress on the left" which portrays volumes, no pun intended.'
"Eliza, you might make me blush or worse if you keep this up." Her turn to now laugh. The daylight ended as we entered the tunnel and I yearned for more time to discover her- fuck only one stop away from Grand Central. She flipped open a compact and touched up her lipstick. She then bent down and untied the laces of her right sneaker and reached into her bag and removed a beige shoe bag. "May I have the honor?" Without a word, she handed me the shoe bag and I unwrapped a lovely nude coloured pump with a gorgeous red bottom that cascaded up the never ending thinnest of heels. I laid the beautiful shoe on the bag incoherently uttering something about the quality of the leather as I removed her navy, well worn, sneaker. Placing her now bare foot between my legs on the seat, her fucking gorgeous red toes inches, mere inches from the cock throbbing in my suit pants. I gently slipped her toes in and ran my fingers beneath her arch to place her heel in. She then straighten her leg resting it directly on my cock. "Oh Eliza, you are such a naughty girl."
"Oh Edward, you really have no idea how correct you are." I repeated the procedure on the other foot savouring the pressure of the side of her heel. I handed her back her sneakers discretely masked in designer shoe bags which found their way to the bottom of her very large, leather bag.
"Edward, if you were to have met me at a bar, what would you order me?"
"Eliza, you are about to find that out. And I guarantee, I am correct in my hypothesis." 

4/14/2016 5:13:04 AM
FLAT WHITE

Walls: Flat White 
Ceiling: Flat White
Curtains: Flat White
Linens: Flat White 
Family: Flat White
Coffee: Flat White  
Paint Color: Flat White 

Heaven: Flat White 

Settled: I must be going to hell then




4/13/2016 9:37:39 AM
BELT: A noun or a verb 

More than a mere strip of leather meant to serve the utilitarian purpose of keeping ones pants from falling down - we have hips for his but never mind. 

I prefer "a continuous band of tough flexible material for transmitting motion or power or conveying materials." 

Yes, transmitting motion and power but only if chosen. And such a beautiful tool.

When you place it through the fabric decorating your waist do you touch the leather that bites my skin? 

Am I in your head when you are sitting at your desk and your cock is straining against the fabric of your pants? 

Do you see my bare ass in the air waiting every time your fingers touch the metal? 

What turns you on more: the wetness between my legs or running down my cheek? 

As you stood in the men's department, saleswoman gushing about the quality of the ostrich, alligator, lizard - was it me you were thinking of? 




4/10/2016 6:45:46 AM
The Visual
 
This is about details
Try this little experiment. When you see a woman on the subway, the train, the sidewalk, you have no written context - only visual. You create her story based on what you choose to notice and not notice. You can't judge a book by the cover but all you have is the cover. 

What do YOU see?: (in no particular order) 

She is missing the lift on her left high heel 
The tiny tattoo behind her ear when she moved her hair
The posture
The color of her eyes 
The way the fabric pattern does not match up on the seams of her skirt
The smile as she listens though her earbuds
The scar on her knee 
The meticulously high lighted, low lighted, and perfectly blowed out hair 
The handbag that costs a mortgage payment 
The tiniest bruise on her forehead from the botox needle
The funkiest bright rain boots that scream nonconventional
The streak of pink hair
The monogram on her French cuff
The design of her necklace
The run in her stocking  
The teeth
The freckles on her cheek 
The stride of her walk 

Perhaps, you have passed the visual sense
The smell of her perfume
The feel of her skin 
The sound of her laugh

What did YOUR mind choose to notice? Are you an optimist? A pessimist? What is her story? 
Perhaps your kink dictates what you see:breasts, ass, feet, legs. Perhaps you can't be bothered to look or give a fuck? 

This site is the anthesis. I have only the words written to interpret who you are. How do you choose to portray yourself? You have access to this big, empty, slate that allows you unfettered creativity to be bold, be reckless, and say anything you desire. 

What do you choose to reveal and how?
Your choice of words
Your vocabulary
Your pacing  
Your spelling & grammar
The color of the back ground 
The size, style, and color of the font
A poem, a story, sentences, questions, emotions, statements, song lyrics 

I am painfully aware the art of the written word has been reduced to emojolies, blue thumbs, and abbreviations but I vie to be better than the baseline. 

AND YOU?


3/26/2016 5:04:03 PM

Things I find humorous on this site:

Any screen name with
Sir
Master
Wolf

When someone contacts me sans a profile

People who clearly do not bother to read my profile then ask stupid questions whose answers are in said profile

People who can not be bothered to read my journal

People who send me generic copy and paste cover letters – why bother?

People who send a message consisting of one boring sentence. Wow, that is all you can muster? That is truly the best you can do?

People who have been sending me messages for years literally. And never seem to have time to make a date. YEARS!

The horrible name calling replies I receive when I call anyone on any of the aforementioned issues.

Rare is it, that a dominant man on this site, reacts from his brain and not his ego and can admit I have a valid point.

RARE INDEED – speaks volumes

Ok carry On.....

 


3/26/2016 3:22:01 PM

Part 3 ON HER KNEES 

At 7:59 she stood outside his door completely alone in the ancient hallway of wallpaper and wall to wall carpet – both of which she despised. She fidgeted with her glasses whilst waiting for the hand of her watch to move to the number eight and then tentatively knocked as she slipped the room key into the door.

“Hello, Maximilian? Are you here?” There was no reply as she made her way into the living area. There was however, a yellow legal pad on the bed.

“Good Morning Sophie, I am in the fitness center and will be up in 20 min.

Please follow the instructions listed.

Remove your dress

In the drawer to the left of the bed you will find a blindfold Tie it around your eyes

Sit on the edge of the bed and wait for me

As she sat there in her self-procured darkness she tried to concentrate of the sounds in the room to occupy her mind and prevent it from going to that very dark place that she was a bit scared of. The cycling on and off of the refrigerator, the humming of the clock transformer, the gentle click of the ceiling fan blades circling in perpetuity. Her intuition told her it was highly unlikely this would be a fun filled surprise party and her gut was seldom wrong. As the soundtrack of sounds continued, she focused on her diaphragm trying to keep time with slow moving fan. Suddenly, her trance was interrupted by the noise of the electronic key causing her spine jerked to it most upright and uptight position. She heard his voice but he wasn’t alone, he was speaking to another man. What the hell, she thought to herself as she sat there embarrassingly exposed to two people now.

He came over to her and kissed her on the forehead. “Sophie you look lovely. This is my colleague Mr. Langston.

“Pleasure to meet you Sophie” She sat there a bit in shock her hands gripping the tops of her stay up stockings. Click, breath, click, breath, click, breath click.

“SOPHIE”, he slapped her hard across the face as he raised his voice to her. “You know better than to be rude.”

She shook her head to alleviate the sting and mumbled, so sorry Mr. Langston, how rude of me, I do apologize.” “Sophie no apology needed, I know my presence here must be a bit jarring and unexpected.”

“Richard, could you excuse us a moment, I would like to have a few words with Sophie privately?” “Of course, Max.”

 “Sophie, I am so sorry for slapping you but I need you to know, that behavior will not be tolerated.” he ran his hand thru her hair and down her arm gently stroking her hands and finally bringing both her hands to his lips. “I want you to do as I tell you and everything will be fine. Do you think I will hurt you Sophie?” “No Maximilian I don’t” “Good girl Sophie, that is really all you have to remember and follow the directions you are given. Quite simple actually.” He kissed her hands and placed them on her lap.

His right hand firmly gripped her neck and jaw as he traced her lips with his other hand. “Your lips are utterly lovely doll” It wasn’t Max’s voice addressing her and apparently it wasn’t Max touching her either. “Sophie, stick out your tongue for Richard. Yes, that’s it. Keep it out.

She heard the rip of an unknown zipper and her hands gripped her thighs tightly in response. She could feel the heat of his skin as he moved a bit closer to her and the wool of his pants against her calves as he discarded his pants. He pushed her tongue softly back into her mouth running his finger over the nubby topside. He grasped her jaw with both hands while his thumbs moved up down up down up down as if doing calisthenics jumping jacks on her lips, until suddenly bored of the exercise he chose to finally penetrate her mouth. He grasped the back of her head and immediately pushed his entirety into relentlessly until her velvety lips touched his pelvis and she was loudly choking. “Relax your throat Sophie, this is not meant to be painful. If you relax your neck and throat you will be able to breathe.”

She quickly gasped for what air she could find before he began violently pumping his cock in and out of her mouth.

She gagged up a mouthful of phlegm in the quick moment he finally gave her some relief. It ran down her face, a beautiful stream of clear saliva. “Sophie, spit it out hon. My God you look so fucking beautiful right now. God, I wish I could see your eyes right now.” She agreed with that sentiment as well, wishing she could stare into his eyes and read why he was doing this to her.

“Richard, Sophie is begging to have her nipples pulled and pinched. Sophie please take off your brassiere for Richard- quickly now”

“How the fuck can he know this about me? What is he a fucking mind reader? Who the fuck uses the word brassiere?” She reached behind her back removing the flimsy lace and threw it as hard as she could at him in the direction of his voice. He laughed as he caught it in his hand happy that in the midst of shit, she still had her sense of humor.

And so the assault on her nipples began. He was a multi- tasking master, able to control her mouth as well as her cunt as her nipples were extremely sensitive and he was quite skilled at torturing her. He could deduce when the loss of blood produced no results just numbness and he expertly kept her on the edge of such, in a painfully pleasurable ritual of pulling, twisting, pinching, and slapping her second most sensitive body part.

“Spread your legs Sophie, Richard needs to see your soaking wet panties. You really are a shameless whore, aren’t you? I barely know you and you will suck another man’s cock for me. And look at you so fucking wet. Sophie, do you like   Richard roughing up your poor little nipples? You do, don’t you?”

She nods the best she can with a cock deep down her throat and tried to concentrate on the task at hand when all she could think about was how her cunt needed a cock right now and it didn’t matter whose it was. Richard flipped her over on the bed positioning her head over the side and proceeded to fuck her face this way getting harder and harder. He squeezed her head with his powerful thighs pushing her nose into his asshole prohibiting her from breathing properly. She squirmed slapping his thigh with her hand for mercy. Suddenly, he pulled out of her mouth quickly and his thighs released as his cum landed all over her face and chest. She gasped for air as she he moaned loudly and sighed as it was finally over. 

She heard the door close as Richard left and she rolled to her side and grasped her knees to her chest. “Oh Sophie don’t do that luv, it makes you look so vulnerable, and we both know better than that. He came over to the bed with a warm washcloth that had been soaked in tea tree oil and began washing her face, neck, and chest. Kissing her neck and lips lightly and massaging her shoulders.

“I have one last thing Sophie. This won’t hurt and it is not permanent so don’t fret. Hold very still though” Max pulled out a fine tipped red sharpie from his suit jacket pocket and began to write. “Now, I am going to leave you to get dressed and meet me downstairs in the dining room for breakfast in 15 minutes. Is that enough time for you to touch up your hair and makeup Sophie?” “Yes, Maximillian I will meet you downstairs in 15 min.” “Lovely, I shall see you there.”

She reached behind her head releasing the scarf her eyes dilated and teary tried to adjust to the blinding sun streaming thru the French Doors of the Juliet balcony. She walked to the bathroom studied her face and was surprised to see how contented she felt and looked considering she hadn’t had an orgasm. As she slipped on her dress, her fingers found that tender little area above the hip and below the belly and they caressed the carefully chosen red words; Sophie, my beautiful little slut  (heart) – M

 


3/26/2016 11:36:20 AM
Spied a beautiful bodied shirtless black man running today whilst getting my morning latte here in lovely Palm Springs. 

If was playing car bingo would have won the jackpot. 

If have ever visited here you would understand. 

And that being said, he was most likely gay but nevertheless, nice eye candy. 



3/23/2016 2:52:09 PM
Interesting Sexual Factoid du Jour


According to a study at Rutgers University, facial expressions  during orgasms are often undistinguishable from those of pain. 

My Pilates teacher keeps yelling at me to quit making the "squishy face." 

And yet, the damn painful glute work on the reformer which causes the aforementioned squishy face (and the need for more Botox apparently) is nowhere near my orgasms. 

Hmmmmm.........

3/23/2016 2:22:00 PM
Stacy's Simply Naked Pita Chips are like crack 

Why would one consider crunching anything else? 

3/21/2016 1:48:42 PM
This my first attempt at writing a review - enjoy! 

"I don't pay for porn" yeah right we all say that, but someone must be keeping these sites in business. Like you, I casually cruise pornhub.com utilizing my preferred search words "BDSM, BDSM gang bangs, hardcore face fucking, teens et all - interesting to note that "forced" and "rape" are non searchable terms. Sometimes I casually watch for writing ideas but really who are we kidding here, I am watching this shit to get off. So one day, I happen upon a site called HookupHotshot on Pornhub and the videos were intriguing enough for me to actually click into their website. 

The first thing that sets this site apart is the lack of flashing, in your face, annoying as fuck, ginormous messages asking me to sign up. Instead, I am greeted by a clean, user friendly and easy to navigate professional looking site. How refreshing. There are plenty of digital stills and short clips of each date as well as bios about the girls and even a notebook section. So, being a big fan of messy, dominating, face fucks, I purchased the intro membership for 5 days to check it out. 

Here is the premise: our hero aka Bryan Gozzling picks up hot chics via social media. They then show up at his place where the nastiness goes down. He likes a certain type which is clearly apparent:
  • young below the AOC (age of consent) 
  • small tits
  • must weigh below 100 lbs. - aka waif-like 
  • los of eye makeup 
  • the little girl type outfits and hair style (lots of pig tails)  
  • tats are welcome and pr18-20) I was 90 something pounds too. Funny though, my boyfriend at the time told me I would be the perfect fuck at 115 and I thought he was out of his mind. Fast forward, 27 years later and 112 - 113 lbs. depending on the day, and he was absolutely spot on. Fucker. Banging into bones is just a bit uncomfortable. Ok, back to the good stuff. There is even a girl with braces in the mix and thank goodness mine were long gone by that age. Their accompanying bios are cute, add an engaging element, and are a nice touch to the site. 

    White seems to be the color du jour here, as all the nymphets have long hair, fake eyelashes, an over abundance of eye shadow, and gobs of mascara. It is absolutely beautiful to see them destroyed, covered in spit and slobber looking amazingly pitiful as their makeup is running down their face. So hot! One of Bryan’s signature moves is to have them spit his cock slobber onto their hands and then wipes it all over their faces. How divine. Yes, this L0l'ita esq idea is a winner with practically every breathing middle age man on the planet and apparently overly sexual, submissive, older women such as myself although, I am fairly certain I am far from their targeted demographic. 

    Bryan is the Energizer bunny personified when it comes to fucking- he keeps going and going and going. He is also well versed in positions. Especially luv when he holds their face down with his foot whilst fucking them from behind. Although, personally, he is not my type with all the tats, the prevalence of body decoration in millennials is fairly ubiquitous these days and the guy is in decent shape and handsome in his own geeky type way. 

    He has mad creative skills in the face fucking department and it comes at you from every angle. In a few videos he literally fucks the fake eyelashes off the poor things. As a girl who knows a thing or two about face fucking, you have to do it on an empty stomach. Spitting up the contents of one's stomach is only appealing in a fluid format sans chunks of food. So, this is an interesting phenomenon as pretty much every professional porn site I have been to, I have never seen girls sitting up the contents of their insides. One is to assume that every porno star has mastered the gag reflex and it all looks quite sanitary and pretty. Well, far from my reality so I appreciate the mess. Bryan is also a big fan of fucking the mouth with his hand and grabbing their mouths when fucking them from behind.

    And the icing on the cake, this man can shoot a load. Like a good 1/4 cup of thick, white, cum which if course ends up all over their gorgeous little faces, as it rightly should be. Yes, it is the perfect ending to each video as the camera zooms in and tilts up from her gaping freshly fucked pussy, to her slobber covered tits, to her face and hair covered in cum - it is a pitifully, beautiful sight and no words are needed. 

    But...

    My quandary with his concept is this. It is just a bit too tame. He sort of quasi- dominates and I am an all or nothing girl. My mantra, if you are going to do it- GO BIG OR GO HOME - because you just leave me unsatisfied when you half- ass it. 

    Which starts with learn the art of the word and use it often. I can tell you for certain, if I am on my knees, choking on a guy's huge cock, make up destroyed, covered in slobber, I want to be called a slut, because that is exactly what I am at that very moment. I want him to remind me that I should be grateful to be having such a lovely cock slamming into me and making me cum over and over. I want him to tease me and make me beg for it. Call me a bitch, whore, cunt something cause damn the silent treatment is just no fun. It is interesting to note, that he does offer occasional praise for superior oral skills but then lacks any form of verbal chastising when the girl does not do as she is told or performs in a subpar manner. It would be really nice to see one of these girls actually break down and cry. 

    Again there is this semi BDSM element with many of them sporting collars and the accompanying roughness but without any struggle or degradation, which is a bit mystifying to me. Then there is the pain thingy or should I say lack there of. 

    Hey the guy isn't into "accessorising" and no issues there but in my book, domination comes with a certain amount of physical discomfort and pain. Undoubtedly, the fucking at some point becomes painful as he is a hung guy and fucks hard and deep with no let up. But well, pain is so much more than jamming one's cock into a cunt and temporarily rearranging the internal organs, Pretty much that is about the least pleasurable form of sexual pain in my opinion. Hair pulling? Granted he grabs it a bit but there seems to be zero reaction so I am assuming it is pretty tame. How about slapping the face every once and awhile? Like the really stingy kind of slaps on the face. How about ass, inner thighs, clit, and tits all equal opportunity areas for slapping.

    And speaking of boobs that leads me to my biggest pet peeve. Honestly Bryan they are good for far more than rubbing spit all over. This guy has no idea what nipples are or how to use them. Maybe his Mom didn't breast feed him or something. This is such a damn shame really and I would like to see Bryan become acquainted with nipples and how insanely sensitive they can be. And shit it is aesthically appealing to the viewer. It is called tits and ass for a reason as it is a package deal; we have both guys so use them. 

    So to recapitulate, I would give this site a B++, taking into consideration, there are probably no A's out there. All Bryan needs to do is step up his dom game a bit, add a little more ethnicity to his dance card, maybe a bit more anal, and last but not least stop ignoring the nipples my friend.


3/18/2016 8:24:25 AM

On her knees (part two)

Sophie couldn’t even begin to imagine what he had lurking in his mind. And of course he knew just that, and wanted her to toss and turn all night with the possibilities rattling in her dreams and her nightmares.  “Sophie, here is the key to my room. It is 4302. I want you to knock on the door at exactly 8:00 am. Please do not have any breakfast nor coffee before coming up – I will take care of all that. Are any of the details unclear, Sophie?”

“No, Maximilian quite clear room 4302 8 am – how shall I dress?” “Clever girl, I see you are a stickler for details. I like that. I would like you to wear the lovely lace panties that you have on now, a matching bra, heels, and a dress. Easy enough n’est pas?” “Yes Maximilian done and done.” “Lovely then, I will then bid you adieu for the night as I have a great deal of work to catch up on.” He signed the tab with a flourish, stood up, and grasped her jaw with both hands kissing her on each cheek. “You have no idea how badly I want to taste your lips right now.” and with a brusque militant movement he turned, snapped his heels together, and walked out of the lounge leaving her head spinning which was exactly his intention.

She looked up briefly as the young penguin clad waiter winked lasciviously from the other end of the bar, casually chewing on a bar straw while impatiently waiting for the bartender to fill his order. Jesus she thought, do I look like a desperate lonely housewife or a high priced hooker? What the hell did I do to deserve that? She finished her drink and stared at his signature scribbled across the check. For no apparent reason, she found herself wanting something tangible, a piece of him. Before the bartender had a chance to return, she quickly lobbed off a photo of his signature feeling like a silly school girl who would fill line after line page after page of her notebooks with “Sophie whomever” the crush du jour. She couldn’t decipher anything past the lovely M as he had never divulged his last name.


3/17/2016 2:56:07 PM
There is something in my first paragraph of this story - Giving her out (part 2) which triggers an error message and will not post. It is beyond me how that can even be possible as it the most g rated of all of it. 

So she could curse Darwin or hug him depending on the day. He didn’t choose to arrive to a glorious messy repressive culture that puts women where they needn’t be. It was how he was raised and what he knew. And although he certainly knew better, it was still a part of him. And that, that darkness kept them together when normalcy reared its ugly, ubiquitous head.

The scarf was just as much for him, it was too damn painful to look into her eyes as he subjected her to the degradation. He couldn’t stand to look at her, watching him watch her. As much as he controlled her, she too controlled him in a very different and uncomfortable way. 

“Spit on your cock man – I can’t have you splitting her open when you are the first for fuck sake.” Nameless grabbed the flesh of her left ass cheek creating a nasty bruise tomorrow. “This is a fucking dream,” he thought to himself as he grabbed his cock with his right hand and violently entered her in one stroke causing her to contract her whole being in order to take it. Fucking weird kinky white people - Why on earth would this nicely dressed dude with the weird accent be pimping this fine piece of ass out for free? It was simply beyond his comprehension. Oh well, I could fuck this fine piece of ass all day; he thought as he shoved two grease covered fingers up her ass

He luved watching her being ravaged by the biggest guys he could muster. It never ceased to amaze him that her diminutive body had such a greedy little cunt that craved big cock.
“Listen to my little baby moan like a whore, man. She is luving your cock - aren’t you bitch?” Arranging the queue was easy but he could never be sure how long they would last with her, requiring a bit of guesswork to determine. And with her, he never knew how many it would take. It was different this pain. Her emotional pain was far harder to access. She was a pro at hiding her shit. He preferred to bring her physical pain as it lives near the surface and was just easier to bare witness to.“Don’t hold back man – she likes it hard and when you are ready to cum pull out and shoot it all over her face. “Are you serious? I can do that?”“Listen you fuck head, I am allowing you the privilege of fucking my girl. Be a decent chap, show some respect, and do as I wish. I am in charge of this show – got it?” “Whatever you say mister.”

He lost count watching her orgasm, her thighs wet and fluid running down the insides of her legs. The slow drip of the faucet could not keep pace with the cocks penetrating her. Her hair sticky with cum and her face a mess of spit and semen. It was bittersweet watching her both suffer and simultaneously be satisfied. He relished his role although it slowly ate at his heart every time he had to do it- but 
fuck it was what she needed. Finally her mind aligned with her body and acquiesced. She was too proud to sob with her frame. He adored that about her. She never made a loud, fucking, sniveling scene just simple tears that signaled the end. He knew what to look for -her emotional limbic system finally taking over in the form of liquid outpourings. “Sssssshhh baby, it’s ok. All over. My beautiful, precious little slut, come come let’s go home. No more tears.”

He cut the duct tape from her hands.  “Show’s over boys –your services are no longer required” A great deal of scuffling ensued as he wrapped her in a soft robe. He made sure everyone was gone – picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the car. He untied the scarf as he wiped her face with a warm washcloth and wrapped her hair in a towel and held her to him tightly her head resting on his chest where it belonged.


3/10/2016 3:26:32 PM

PING

Her: “Am at Morton’s just had dinner at the bar. Come meet me for a drink” - ping

Him: “Where is it?” ping

Her: “I am pretty sure you know how to goggle it or use maps yes?” ping

Him: “Did you say capable of google maps? Surely you didn’t mean that?” ping

Him: “You didn’t, couldn’t have, not possible, impossible, C’est non possible”  ping

Her: “Yes, hon, I said that, have you had a few too many glasses of wine?” ping

Him: “Come back and fine out” ping

Her: “En route babes – see you in a few” ping

She entered the room babbling about dinner. He was sitting on the sofa in the suite sipping a snifter of cognac reading a report. He did not acknowledge her entrance. The rod part of the pants hanger was prominently displayed on the coffee table next to the belt from the hotel bathrobe. He wanted her to know visually that he was not going to overlook her smart mouth. She bent down and he turned his cheek denying her his lips. He patted the sofa cushion motioning her to sit next to him. She knew enough to obey and not say a word.
“Now please darling come lay over my knees and pull up your dress. She sighed deeply accepting her impending fate and did as was told. First, he pulled her hair back into a ponytail with an elastic band. “Give me your wrists luv” and he bound them together behind her back. “Open your legs wider cunt – I need to see you.” He roughly pushed two fingers into her pushing her panties to the side. “You wet little slut, why so wet honey – hmmm? Oh, yes you knew this was coming when you back talked me by text. Didn’t you? And all the way home in the cab I bet you have been playing with yourself haven’t you? HAVEN’T YOU?” He yanked on her pay tail jerking her head back violently as if that would procure her reply more quickly.
“Yes, yes, I have been touching myself.”
“You will learn baby. You will learn."
And he proceeded to push her lace white panties down to her ankles as he picked the wooden rod off the coffee table.  

 


3/9/2016 2:47:29 PM

On her Knees  (part 1) 

His ad read:

Sxy Submissive wench needs to be played with

My throat is merely a receptacle for your cock

You will slap me
You will call me names
You will pull my hair
You will pinch and twist my nipples
You will spit on my face

I will be blindfolded
I will gag on your cock
I will be covered in my own slobber
I will stick out my tongue as you come all over my face 


As, this is exactly what I need. This will be filmed but your face will not be in the video. No negotiations necessary.

Be height weight proportionate and reply in a timely manner

He wrote it for her. He would place the ad in whatever city she happened to be in that week and list her Google voice number. She knew to check the Craig’s list ads when she checked in. It was their little game city after city and the videos were quite stockpiled. It was never about the face fuck though. It was about him controlling her, which was what she so badly required.
It was a long flight with delays both landing and taking off. Fuck she detested the traveling part of travel. Throwing her Chanel bag on the bed she peeled off her heels, opened up the balcony doors and sat down to admire the view. The climbing jasmine knotted about the weathered trellis beside her was orgasmic. She closed her eyes trying to just breath in the scent and will away the stress. If only he was here to enjoy the smell as well. She would sit on his lap, stroke his face, and kiss him till he pushed her away. Fuck she missed him fiercely. She eventually stepped back into the room firing up her laptop to start whittling down the ads. He wished he would do that part but he was far too busy for busy work. Yes, she was to pick her own demise, the ultimate mind fuck. That first night, some ubiquitous hotel bar in god knows what city, yes, he had managed to manipulate her like putty right from the start. 

He knew she was a spoiled brat the minute he set eyes on her. Her flippant manner of continuously extending her leg out under her perfectly fitting dress. The way she sipped her low ball – no ice needed for this very attractive bitch, she knew how to take it straight. He could tell just observing her, she was quite skilled in the subtle art of the flirt and those were the types he particularly liked to tame. He chose the chair next to her and as he sat down he roughly ran his hand from the ankle to the top of her ass cheek touching the edges of a pair of yet to be discovered panties. “You obviously need me to touch your right leg yes? Or do you have Tourette’s?” “Touché"  she laughed, "well played and yes the former." “Well, then perhaps this encounter was meant to be  - Maximilian, and how shall I address you?” “Sophie, and may I call you Maxi then?” “No Sophie, you will call me Maximilian as he forcefully squeezed her upper arm as she was lifting her glass to her lips. For a moment she was almost offended but realized she was in the presence of someone who played the game on another level - few did. She acknowledged the strength around her bicep and tried to catch her breath as she stammered,  “Yy ya yes” “Yes, what Sophie?” “Yes, Maximilian I will call you such” “Aaah, good girl. He let go of her arm and began to gently stroke her forearm from elbow to wrist, tracing her femur bone with his index finger. "You have a very lovely femur bone Sophie. May I offer you another?” "and so you are an osteologist I presume?" And you have a very handsome sternocleidomastoid and yes I would love another." Now it was his turn to laugh. "You, are quite a rarity Sophie, I may have found my verbal match among other things yet to be determined." 
She fiddled nervously with the gold ring on her right index finger momentarily displaying a hint of weakness that only a seasoned poker player like Max would pick up on. He knew not one germane fact about her and yet, it mattered not. He found her captivating; dark, wavy hair, dark eyes he 
favored her body type; petite, toned and medium sized breasts. But, it was more than that. Her mind - he wanted to fuck her brain as much as her body. She was obviously a very smart little cookie with a wicked sense of humor. 
He turned again to study her hands, always a more precise indication of age. No overly fussy manicure, a few brown spots and wrinkles. She was not a nail biter – far too cultured for that nasty habit. But, she did seem to pick at her cuticles a bit. He assumed mid thirties. “Pardon Me,” he uttered as he purposefully reached across the bar for his drink and brushed his arm across her right nipple.  She pretended not to notice as she clinked her glass to his “to the quite intriguing new man in my life” “indeed darling that may be far closer to the truth than we both know.”

They both swallowed simultaneously and set their glasses back on the bar with a gentile clink of crystal against marble as if almost choreographed. Max leaned closer to Sophie and brushed her hair behind her right ear as to get as close as possible, as if to actually stuff his words in her ear. “Sophie, I want you to do something for me. I promise you will be safe and I will be in your presence the entire time. Do you trust me Sophie? Do you trust this total stranger who is quite captivated by you that I will take care of you? Do you believe deep down in your soul that I know exactly what you need? Because Sophie, there is no backing out of this once you say yes.” She sat there for perhaps 30 seconds before turning her head, looking directly in his eyes and uttering yes. And so it began.


3/9/2016 12:36:30 PM

Nutritious? Maybe
I prefer to not swallow and have it all over my face - such a lovely visual

Semen is mostly water.
Semen also contains amino acids and protein, sugars such as fructose and glucose, minerals such as zinc and calcium, vitamin C, and a few other nutrients. Sperm cells themselves make up less than one percent of semen* and are not present for men who have had a vasectomy. 
Semen is edible, and if swallowed, will travel down the esophagus and into the stomach, where it will be digested in the same way that food is.

Nutrition Facts for a Cup of Human Semen


3/9/2016 11:43:42 AM
His ad read: 


Dom Exec type in luxury downtown hotel needs release

Your throat is merely a receptacle for my cock
I will slap you
I will call you names
I will pull your hair
I will pull and twist your nipples
I will spit on your face and in your mouth

You will be blindfolded
You will gag on my cock 
You will be covered in your own slobber 
You will stick your tongue out as I cum all over your face

But this is exactly what you need, isn't it?

Be height weight proportional and reply in a timely manner 


3/7/2016 1:58:14 PM
Idiom du jour 


I am pure as the driven slush 

:)

3/6/2016 6:06:16 PM
Perhaps submissive is the wrong word. The idea of existing & wanting merely to please does not seem to be the point. 

That to me, if the vanilla world. "Yes, honey can I get you anything honey?" 

"Would you like me to suck your cock honey?" 

REALLY?! 

No, this is not an ASKING scenario 

Rather one is told to what to do 

Because I don't WANT to ask. 

That's why

3/5/2016 1:48:24 PM
People who willfully seek their own degradation are those who can afford to do so

-RG 



3/4/2016 9:08:58 AM
Dear Mr. Pilates, 

I would like to take a moment to thank you. The reformer has certainly brought to light many of the previously hidden mechanical snafus in my body mechanics from years of apparently misinformed weight lifting and other bad habits. 

Yes, my hip flexors and quads are way too strong and like to take over. 

Yes, my rhomboids like to be in charge and take over for my lats and serratus. 

Yes, I have never really known how to engage my transverse abs and my obliques. It is truly amazing I have a flat stomach - yet apparently it was quite weak. 

My spine is loving this practice. Admittedly, I have always had great posture, but I feel different in my body now - taller, longer - who knew that was even possible.  

And, last but not least my neck feels great when bent backwards over the side of the bed and my boyfriend is jamming his cock down my throat. Sorry to be crude but well, one does not describe such things in a foo foo manner. My throat seems far more relaxed and able to accommodate him with far less choking and gagging. Not that he doesn't adore the choking and gagging but that is a whole other matter. I am sure this tidbit will not make it into the next Pilates promotional newsletter but again I wan't to give props as they are well deserved and frankly, life changing for me. 

Regards, 

M



3/4/2016 8:18:59 AM
Dear Mr. Musk, 

Forget the new car, ditch the solar house battery. 

Just create a pocket sized hitachi and all will be right in the world. 

Please........... I beg you! 

Warmest Regards, 

A Frustrated Horny Woman of the World 

PS - Can you also make it silent so I can get off in public places?

2/14/2016 10:01:26 AM

Age is but a number – or is it?

Things to contemplate:

Nigeria has the lowest age of consent in the world – 11 years old.

Bahrain, which is 70% Muslim, the highest at 21 years old.

The good old US of A, depends on which state you decide to reside.  

Some Middle Eastern Countries have no age of consent.  Perhaps to justify marrying off a 10 year old to a man 6 or 7 times her age.

How do we as a person come to view age, morality, and consent within the context of our personal desires?

I think for most, this concept changes when you become a parent and realize your child could be kidnapped and sold into slavery – watch TAKEN 

Dominate men and men in general (and perhaps Dominant Women as well) desire younger women?  Because…

  • Beauty – wants to be with prettiest, purest
  • Ego- I am XYZ age and I can have/buy/get “this”
  • Naivety – easier to manipulate, control
  • Nurturing concept of playing Daddy to someone and adversely being adored
  • Attracted to the energy, excitement, and sex drive they do not find in older women

The next question becomes what age is OK? Who decides? On what grounds? 


At what age does free will kick in and “they” change? I suppose this depends on how much a sub is exposed to the “real world”, media et al.

At what age does one “trade up” for a newer younger model – just like in real life? Does that become a viscous circle? 


1/26/2016 10:38:41 AM
In keeping with the annoying FB meme: 


This is "M" 

"M's" friends are all married, engaged, and/or pushing babies out of their vjj's

"M" is different - too different most would say 

"M" doesn't give a flying fuck what they say 

"M" does her own thing on her own terms 

"M" is smart AND sexually satisfied!  

Be like "M"

1/24/2016 1:38:03 PM

NYC  - his 

The sheets; too cold too crisp 

His rants; stentorian, absurd 

The darkness heavy with her heart

She had felt his temper prior

It never remained – not to be taken personally 

Rather ripped off like the sheets 

emotions thrown aside replaced by uncontrolled passion 

As he grasped her hair violently and rolls her over 

Shoving his tongue down her throat to keep her from crying his rough beard wreaks havoc on her delicate skin temporarily marring her 

“it’s ok hons, baby sorry sorry sorry" more incomprehensible foreign terms of affection

"please forgive me"  - and his cock pushes into her because 

as he slaps her hard across the face – knowing her needs 

kissing her 

slapping her 

kissing her 

slapping her 

taking her because she was his to take


12/20/2015 2:00:06 AM
Fucked

Semi coiled, snake like it sat waiting to release its venom


Her needs never sated
a longing repressed for far too many years

“Fetch the belt slut”

The uneven crock flesh preserved on her bare ass in lovely uneven geometric patterns of red and pink 

stung, the venom rushes thru her veins calming her seemingly uncontrollable urge - for the moment

11/21/2015 8:50:42 AM
So I recently was staying at a posh boutique Portlandia hotel and they had both a spiritual menu and a pillow menu.

"Ready for bed? Let us bring you the perfect pillow to ensure a restful sleep:

*soft
*medium
*firm
*extra firm
*neck
*body 

YOU WANT IT? YOU GOT IT!
TOUCH MAKE IT SO ON YOUR GUEST ROOM PHONE"

So as a single woman with an exceedingly warped mind here is my version:

"Ready for bed? Let us bring you the perfect accessory to ensure multiple orgasms and a restful sleep:

 
*USB powered lipstick vibrator 
*a selection of hard core porn videos(not the PG crap on the tv disguised as porn) 
*nipple clamps 
*dildo 
*a real live man height weight proportionate: 
-black 
-brown
-white
-Latino
-Asian
(Age, and cock size will try and be accommodated)

YOU WANT IT? YOU GOT IT! 
TOUCH MAKE ME ORGASM ON YOUR GUEST ROOM PHONE

Please note: There will be an additional surcharge for a man who comes with all of the aforementioned items and we suggest you place your order at least 8 hours in advance. 


11/19/2015 12:14:50 PM
Jack - hon, could you please sit down I have something to tell you. I am not going to sugar coat it - I have been cheating on you. Please, babes remain calm and hear me out.You know me well, I rarely indulge in your musky liquid lovliness but when I do I have always come to you -only you.
But alas, I have found another. He is just a tad bit smoother and well his name is a bit more aristocratic and privileged. I know the mountain water, Kentucky - Tennesse but the geography matters not to me. I must confess Basil has me hooked with his rich hints of peppermint, notes of pepper, slight citrus overtones, and a spicy, warming finish. I will miss you Jack but I will never forget you. 

I prefer my drinks as I do my companions: 
Dark, intense, earthy, and a bit Orphic. 





11/10/2015 6:48:15 AM
This weekend I was away at a convention having dinner solo at the hotel bar - yes, sad picture I know. It was late. A gaggle of far too young and far too loud men were indulging quite near me. One approaches and asks if he can tell me a joke. 

me - "sure" 

him- delivers some lame vanilla pun based joke

me- "really" Is that the best you can do? If you can't tell a proper dirty joke then you really shouldn't be propositioning me" 

him- jaw drops to bar as he stammers "ok"

him- "Q what is the difference between jam and jelly?"

me- "hmm, I don't know seeds or something" 

him- "no" 

me- ok, do tell"

him- "I can't jelly my cock down your throat"

me- almost spits my capellini across the bar laughing so hard (if he only knew)

"well done, well done" 



11/2/2015 7:03:04 AM
I rarely use the term "love" as I believe that most people have no idea what it means and are only capable of love on their terms. It is a hard concept to grasp. Can you accept and love both the bad and the good, the flaws as well as the beauty? 

"Love is 100% complete acceptance of another, without exception. Think about it, complete acceptance of every aspect of a person. We have many contradictory aspects that make up the whole story and so many of our consequential actions seem contradictory as well.

If I love your sensuality I have to also love the way your sensuality is a magnet for every other man." 

-anonymous 



11/1/2015 6:16:29 AM
The true definition of teamwork:


me on my knees slobbering and gagging on your cock 

whilst you blow dry my hair

11/1/2015 5:32:29 AM
From a recent article regarding sentence structure:


"When you write a good sex scene, you fuck the reader. And good erotic fiction writers are, at least mentally, accomplished lovers. They vary the pace by varying the length of their sentences. They vary the sensory experience by glancing the subject in some sentences and going in for the hard and deep plunder in others. They’re not under the illusion that a ripped body and a 8
 cock used artlessly is going to ever compete with the delicious rollercoaster ride of a well-executed mindfuck. A hot quickie is pleasant, but a good erotic literary mindfuck is a memorable thing. It requires that you make ingress into the reader’s affective mind, not just their imagination of the narrative physical event."

- Remittance Girl 

10/24/2015 8:40:42 AM
"Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own minds." 

-Dr. House 

9/20/2015 1:54:23 PM
" In its wild state, the truth is fluid, slippery, promiscuous, kaleidoscopic and outrageously abundant."
-Rob Brenzy 

Hmmm......quite similar to my sexual desires 

9/20/2015 6:19:49 AM
a little bit of pre caffeine humor from my warped mind:


Tell me, is your Iphone 6 bigger than your cock? 


9/16/2015 3:57:15 AM

"Ah, darlin', all woman are liars and whores. Some are just better dressed and better spoken." 


-Tourist Part 3 by Remittance Girl

Why do the majority of people find the truth so offensive? Life is transactional. Your wife, girlfriend, mistress, whore are all transactional. The lucky ones receive the deep felt emotions along with the all the rest. That is what counts. Money never made anyone happier it just enables one to purchase a better seat. 

9/3/2015 8:58:35 AM
A recapitulation of my character from someone who has marvelous insight: 
  • You are an incredibly bright and motivated woman with an abundance of energy and drive
  • You have a strong personality that intimidates and/or overwhelms most people (not a bad thing in my view)
  • You are impatient with what you perceive as mundane and inane roadblocks whether they be technologically based or human sourced
  • You protect yourself with a tough persona and emotionally hard suit of armor powered by your high intellect
  • You are an excellent CEO if only lacking the title as yet (I recommend giving yourself that title as it carries weight and provides cred)
  • You express your affection in veiled, nearly imperceptible ways
  • Beneath your outward facing persona is a sweet, deeply caring, insecure little girl who craves attention
  • You want/need the feeling of security; a grounding and protection from a crazy world that makes no sense to your ever-so logical mind. (To use a sailing analogy you value a safe, quiet, well secured anchorage for respite and to ride out a storm - a solitude if you will - yet get antsy and restless if lying in port too long; you MUST HAVE a rampaging sea at times to deplete the swelling of volcanic energy and heat within you)
  • Your ceaselessly active mind and psyche are both blessing and curse - yoga is the perfect fit for you to balance this out however it isn't enough and you seek a someone who will keep you focused, on task, and on course
  • You ooze sensuality and are hyper-sexual which you both like and loathe (a bit strong of a word perhaps; the meaning is that your sexual appetite sometimes causes disruption of progress in other areas of your life)
  • You both crave control and despise it yet understand it is needed at times

9/1/2015 9:35:52 PM


"I spend half of my life being appropriate. It bores me"

- from The Change by Remittance Girl 

8/31/2015 1:07:35 PM

I had to repost. 473 lbs. Are you kidding me?  But apparently I should not be "disqualifying men." Actually I prefer to call it self preservation as I am pretty sure I would be smothered to death. 

INSANITY !!!!! 
Dated:
8/31/15 3:56 PM
Too bad you're hung up on disqualifying men instead of actually living the experience 

6'1"
473 lbs
40
Straight
Caucasian
08/31/15

Followed By: 

"Lol...quick with the retort and prone to avoidance I see. Anger issues and perhaps mentally unbalanced and definitely a bitch for sure. Why so defensive? Did someone break your heart? Btw, the 473 comment makes no sense. You could have at least picked something realistic to attack my masculinity." 

Sometimes you just have to laugh it off and block. He writes me to attack me - obviously has nothing better to do with his life. Sad really. 



8/30/2015 1:44:41 PM

Full moons fucked her up. Literally she could not think straight only desiring to be used. She needed a clean non emotional transaction that would negate her cunt controlling her mind. Trolling Craigslist was an absolute last resort but she was shit out of options.

Heels, dress, condoms, mints were all she needed– she texted him from the train. “arriving on trk 42 wearing a beige dress, yellow trench coat, with black heels and glasses”. Good girls live in sterile little worlds of perfection. And, if you want dirty you have to go where the dirt is.  The suburbs so clean, perfect. The lawns exactingly manicured fairways of green, surrounded by white picket fences and borders of hostas foregrounding center hall colonials and tudors block after block. Certainly not the place to find perverted kinky men who find pleasure in using her as their nasty fuck toy if only temporarily.  

Maybe this time it would be different and not another boorish coffee date with some narcissistic, droll, 20 pounds overweight who spoke only about his money making abilities. If only Metro North were a magical train capable of delivering her to that man who could understand her completely. Who wanted her imperfectly perfect self and could both luv and hurt her.  Yet, her stubborn optimism never waned click clack click clack over and over mile after mile the train to ecstasy, perhaps but the statistics certainly told otherwise.

He saw her instantly as she demurely stepped over the gap. Like the train’s air brake a moment prior, he let out a loud sigh and finally was able to relax and enjoy the game he was about to so expertly control. She was alluring to no end and actually did possess a pair of killer legs.  “Fucking jackpot- maybe all the sluty chics have moved to the suburbs,” he mumbled aloud. He walked towards her and stopped inches from her face. She almost ran into him but at the last second looked up. Lifting her head away from her texting she looked into his eyes and just for a moment felt something odd “may I pass please?” “No, I think I would like you to stay here for a moment – please stand still and don’t speak, Olivia.”

She was in awe – is he really doing this in the middle of a crowded train ramp in Grand Central Station?

Wow, he was hot as hell. He circled her and actually grabbed her ass cheek almost making her fall forwards on her four inch heels. “Fuck, he is quite bold” she thought to herself - “about fucking time.”

He took her hand in his and put his other finger to her lips to remind her no words were necessary. Barely able to keep up with his stride in heels, he led her over to a dirty corner stacked high with pallets. He grabbed her hair roughly and kissed her hard as he rubbed his cock into her pelvis crushing her sacrum against the wall.

His lips left hers as he pushed her right cheek to the filthy wall via her chin. He moved his mouth to her ear and whispered “you are absolutely stunning and I am going to fuck the shit out of you until you are a whimpering mess of cum.” “Do you understand this?” She whimpered yes and he kissed her again sensing her neediness. “Come let’s get out of here.”  He grasped her tightly by the wrist  and led her thru the crowd to the curb, hailed a cab, and pushed her into the back seat. She didn’t say a word as he barked an address to the driver whilst simultaneously pushing his hand up her dress and plunging two fingers into her wet cunt. “My fucking pretty little whore is so wet – isn’t she?” he whispered in her ear. He slapped her thigh loudly “spread!” and she wiggled to try to create more space in a dress that was not made for such.  Horrified, she avoided the eyes of the driver who was trying to make contact via the rear view mirror. Instead, she chose to look out the window entranced as a total stranger was violating her cunt in a taxicab. Why the hell she found this situation utterly intoxicating was beyond her grasp to define.  She knew nothing about him. Name, most likely fake – what did it matter really, occupation unknown but most likely F&A,  he just seemed the type. Impeccably tailored suit most likely made in HKG, cufflinks, tie Hermes, shoes ostrich and most likely Italian. Education could always be bought but taste and style evolve with travel, why she prefered foreigners. And his smell was different. Not the typical American ivory soap over the counter product no, it was mysterious more pungent clove maybe. As the sun set its’ rays piercing her thru the high rises, blinding her from time to time she tried to concentrate on her breathing and sensation building between her legs. God, he knew exactly how to touch a woman.

A few moments later the taxi sharply turned towards the curb and she careened into him falling on his lap. “Are you ok babes?” He cussed the driver out in some foreign language she could not discern as he picked her off his lap and kissed her gently on the cheek at the same time pushing the two fingers into her mouth “clean” and she tasted herself “good girl” and he swiftly swiped his cc while caressing her calf muscle with his other hand.

He swiped the room key, “Does it suit you?”

“Yes, quite lovely” as she strolled the rooms admiring the stunning steel and glass views in every direction. He removed his suit jacket placing it over the valet in the master suit. He loosed the knot of his tie not taking it off and opened the top two buttons of his shirt exposing a bit of salt and pepper chest hair. She stretched over the chaise releasing her neck over the edge. “Your neck is very desirable to me.” He ran his finger slowly from her clavicle bone up her neck till he could go no further and grasped her sternocleidomastoid with two fingers applying pressure. She gasped slightly for breath. “You know this muscle. luv?” “Yes, I am very familiar with the sternocleidomastoid” “Touche - and you are a smart little bitch as well quite impressive.”

He filled the wine glasses with the Perrier that was chilling on the table. “Cheers, Olivia you are truly a gorgeous woman” “Thank you John”

“Come”

He grasps her hand and leads her to the bathroom. “Please turn and put your hands on the edge of the sink.”

He unzips her dress letting it fall to the floor. He pulls her lace panties down to the floor. “Don’t step out of them just sit on the toilet like that” - mmm God I luv your hair, your legs, and your calves are so damn hot in those heels.” He squats down in front of her and tilts her chin up kissing her on the lips. Kissing her forehead, her cheeks, her chin, her nose. “Pee for me hon.” “Huh - you want me to to to …...” He slaps her quickly quite hard across the face interrupting her babble the stinging instantaneously inducing tears. “I asked you to do something. I am not to be questioned. Do you understand me. Olivia?” “Answer me?” he grabs her chin fiercely forcing her to look into his eyes. “Yes” “Yes what?” “Yes, I understand, John.” “Thank you darling, it pleases me to watch you. You are here to please me, yes?” ………..


To be Continue


8/6/2015 10:42:30 AM
Airport Interaction: Him- you do yoga? Me- yes, I do Him-what is your favorite pose? Me- on my knees looking up at you pose Him- I do not know that one Me- apparently (with sigh) Him-what else do you do? Me-study anatomy Me- are you familiar with the pudendal nerve? Him- no, I do not know it Me- you should be come familiar with it. You may be pleasantly surprised.

8/1/2015 7:04:10 AM

Brown Words

She was never one to play cyber. Preferring rather the instant gratification of the whole package - the tactile, odiferous, audio/visual real deal. She wanted to be assured. Assured of what? Who the fuck knows.   

“I most enjoy uninhibited un prefaced beseechingly simple erotic encounter sans morts.” 

“LIAR” she typed in caps, “the first sentence revealed your demise”

He wasn’t fooling her. He loved words more than the potential outcome perhaps.

“Mergers & Acquisitions – Doctor turned banker kept parents happy and cock”   

“I want your slutty pussy”

He was smart – mathematician smart – too fucking  smart for his own good ceaselessly questioning the validity of it all simultaneously justifying his wanton ways. For what -an ulcer and a pack a day smoking habit? She despised his dependency yet overlooked. His streaming, ingratiating words wielding far too much power for her to disregard.

“Can I suck cock relentlessly?”

She could see below his brown skin so decorated with MD, PHD, SAT bullshit into his devastatingly divorced ripped apart heart. Not born in the breathtaking country of beautiful shit but nonetheless being strangled by his own caustic excrement in his sterile M&A Upper East Side life.

Escapism via txtfuck – voila!

Sunken one minute elevated the next.

Compliments: “Your power of analysis – breathtaking”

Wisdom: “A man’s ego is fragile and has but one purpose set by nature – sow fields of vagina after killing any male competitors”

Smut: “just spray semen on your pretty face”

The locations revealing the ugly truths he so needed to release.

Humor: “Revised proposal was that you would be my dutiful Indian wife”

Prejudices: “Sikh cock has enticed and enraged equally my flaccid member corrupt with self doubt”

Smut: “On your knees and get ashtray equally obeyed”

Humor: “Face fuck would not climax you”

Compliments: “Because of your rejectionist views of mainstream mesh”

Politics: “Europeans are defined by smoking habits and other self destructive thoughts like Marxism”

Smut: “Let’s not diminish the mantra nor distract from the perfection of your pussy”

Braggadocio: “Winning spelling bees was not for naught”

Humor: “the sublime Veronica Vain whose periscope posts normally titillate cocks” “titillate cocks patentable”

Smut: “Can you be my slutty cock sucking whore?’

Compliments: I found a raging intellectual leftist cosmopolitan spiritual sexpot – Dr. Zhivago’s lustful Lara you are”

Smut: “I just like slutty pussy”

Humor: “A path of yellow stickies will lead you on the righteous way”

The flippant exchange of blue and green blobs of twisted eroticism lobbed back and forth for days. His self-doubt, her desire to be taken, wanted, humiliated, controlled.  A delightful exchange of banter and smut. She reveled in her badinage purpose to elicit an even naughtier reply, yet whose efficacy often fell short.

He rambled on revealing softer, personal, details she cared not hear. Pithy yet simultaneously pedantic he ceased to give up, “on what” she did could not deduce.

Eventually defeated, she said adios in four different languages to a deaf ear not ready to meet reality. With blithe disregard she chose to no longer reply. Until one-morning weeks later.

“Kaiai wine bar – 1614 3rd St 9:30 tonight wear ultra thinny dress no panties”

And with that declaration he left his tumescent head (both of them) and his fantasy world of words.

Meeting in person – spelling not required.

 


7/31/2015 6:06:06 PM

The Club @ LHR 

To their friends and relatives they were always a bit odd. “Why can’t you two just live together in a house like normal people” “Why don’t you just do what other people do” It was like a broken record but they didn’t care what others thought nor did they give a shit about acquiescing to their ubiquitous norms. They were happy and it worked for them. Sometimes they were together for weeks and even months at a time and sometimes they weren’t. This was just their reality for now and that was fine. She had an unexpected last minute business trip to Europe and he was en route back from Hong Kong and they both managed to reroute their interties so they could meet up en route. She landed 40 minutes after him at LHR and as she made her way though the crowded airport she swiftly applied a fresh coat of lipstick and dabbed the oil she purchased in Dubai that he so adored along her collarbone and on her wrists. She was wearing a black skirt slightly above the knee, a beige silk blouse, and a pair of 4-inch black and beige Manolo heels. Her legs were tanned from a recent yoga conference in Thailand. She covered it all in a conservative yet tasteful Burberry trench coat. 

The lounge concierge greeted her by name as she presented her card and welcomed her back.

She smiled back and exchanged pleasantries as she made her way past the gate keeper. 

She spied him in a far away corner, napping with his head on back of a large swivel leather chair. There was a skylight overhead and just a glimmer of sunlight was dancing on his cheek. She removed her coat and flung it on the chair next to his along with her briefcase and slowly eased herself sideways onto his lap. With her right hand she caressed his sternocleidomastoid muscle and ran her tongue up the side of his neck. “Hello luv – did you miss me madly?” she whispered in his ear. He moaned slightly turning his head towards hers and opened his mouth to kiss her deeply all the while slipping his hand in the front of her silk blouse and grabbing her breast and pinching her nipple forcefully. “Umm… of course I missed you my little slut.” “You taste wonderful”

How many people witnessed their lasciviously demonstrative reunion, who knows. They certainly didn’t care. She took a deep breath taking him in and whispered in his ear “follow me baby” Gathering all her stuff she led him back to the front desk where the concierge handed her a key “number 4 Miss.”

 

She opened the door to the private shower room. Nicely appointed, a large slate shower with glass surround took up the entire back wall, a large bowl sink and a pile of fluffy white towels. She entered the room first and he immediately closed the door and locked it whilst pushing her against it and grabbing her roughly under her skirt while kissing her. “Are you wet for me already pet?” as he roughly pushed her panties aside and shoved his fingers in to her. “Did you touch yourself before you got off the flight like I asked you to?”

“Yes, baby yes, I did,” she moaned.

“Why are you squirming around so – open your legs” She groaned with compliance. “I think you are not wet enough for me darling – we will have to change that immediately.” He proceeded to brusquely remove her blouse and skirt throwing them in a pile on the floor. He then unbuttoned the top button of his shirt and pulled off his tie. “Turn around bitch” and using his tie he bound her hands behind her back. “Now get in the shower baby” “But baby please, I don’t have another set of bra and panties and my shoes for gauwd sake. “Darling, I could give two fucks about your lingerie – you can take your next flight without them that would please me to think about you teasing all the horny men in business class when they see you don’t have a bra on and fuck the shoes there is a hair dyer here and I will buy you more fucking shoes if need be – now do as you are told and stop back talking me” and he slapped her across the face and then kissed her roughly “please darling, walk to the shower like I asked slowly”

She rolled her eye slightly making sure he couldn’t see her little act of defiance and sulkily walked towards the shower. “Now sit please” and she did as he turned on the shower. Not cold water, he wasn't that cruel. He then slowly undressed hanging his suit jacket and pants neatly on the tidy hooks provided and then his dress shirt and boxers. “How does the water temperature feel darling?” She shook her head trying to get her long hair out of her face but it was all for not. “Stop fidgeting luv – bend your knees and open your legs for me."

She did as she was told.  

“You look so fucking pitifully hot like that baby” The shoes, the lace, you so helpless there is fucking spectacular – really spectacular.
“You can see how hard it is making me” and he started to stroke himself as he put the seat down on the toilet and placed a towel down and sat. “Have you had enough baby? – Have you?”  He laughed. “Ask like a good girl if you can come out now”

“Baby, may I please come out from the shower now, please yes?”

Yes, baby you can, now get up and come over here.”

She struggled to try and get up with her hands tied behind her back and her feet slipping in the heels but she eventually managed to stand up.  She stepped out of the shower getting water all over the floor as she moved towards him. “Darling straddle my cock and fuck me like a good girl”

She shivered with want for a towel but maneuvered over the toilet and after some doing managed to get the head of him into her without using her hands – a feat in itself. “Yes, my baby you are so fucking beautiful now slowly lower onto me” She moaned with delight and only managed to get him half in before she had her first orgasm as it had been 17 days since they had seen each other (almost at her breaking point for sexual abstinence). “Darling you are coming already my little whore – you are so needy” she screamed as he grabbed her hair and pulled her neck back as she couldn’t stop convulsing. He reached behind her untying her hands and grabbed her face kissing her deeply as she started to ride him ever so slowly as the room became infinitely steamier with the shower still running in the back ground.

 


7/17/2015 5:36:02 AM

The Red Tie

I met a man today for coffee. Needless to say, I drink far too much of the stuff. Like the bloody brown mess of adrenaline, they offer fleeting spurts of pleasure that rarely deliver upon the promises previously written.

I hardly remember their names let alone faces – sometimes, I remember the destination amongst the murky mess of boredom.  But, every so often I encounter the anomaly.

The beautiful smile, a full head of lush salt & pepper hair, teeth that have been meticulously taken care of – as they should be, and a body that has seen countless hours of gym time and could be compared to someone 20 years younger.

And the vocabulary, luscious words spoken by and obtained via world travel and education; things that cannot be purchased at Lord & Taylor. But still it is small talk, blah blah blah and my mind wanders to the dark side, the recesses where I prefer to reside. That perfectly knotted red tie. Yes, there was something about that tie. Yes, it exuded power, well. But what kind of power? The kind that demands the respect of the board members and countless senior managers? I am not interested in that power. Sure, it is advantageous in creating a certain pleasant lifestyle whereby one is automatically given access to certain social circles and it allows one the ability to travel the globe and experience life by your own terms.

Yes, every woman wants to be adored, wined, dined, and fawned upon but this woman needs the other side. How many chitty chatty dinner dates, movies, and plays must I endure only to be yet again disappointed?

I stare at the tie and write the scenario in my head – our next meeting not a lovely civilized dinner date that he most likely has in his mind. Rather:

“Here is my card. Please come to my office at noon and have my secretary buzz me” as he scribbles her name on the back of his linen card. I know I don’t have to mention proper business attire as that would be an insult to your intelligence but please wear a nice blouse, skirt, and heels.”

He leans in kisses me on both cheeks as Europeans often do and rushes off waving “till tomorrow.”

I show up early as is my nature to be prompt and I am ushered into a plush corner office with floor to ceiling windows. He is seated at a ginormous desk with his feet propped up leaning back in an oversized leather chatting on the phone in French, “au avoir – I must be going a stunning woman has suddenly appeared in my office” He hangs up the phone and comes over to greet me. “Bonjour mademoiselle. You look absolutely ravishing today” taking my head in his hands as he kisses my neck right below my right ear.

“Merci” I stammer back not knowing how far my four years of French in boarding school will get me.

 “Please please sit. Would you like a Perrier?”

 “How apropos” I reply.

 “Touché darling”

 “So we will lunch today- yes?”

 “Indeed,” I reply taking a sip of the sparkling beverage.

 “Aaahh, but first”…

He grabs my hand and leads me across the room. He then stops spins me around in some intricate tango move and suddenly my arm is pinned behind my back and he is kissing that erogenous zone right below my ear again. I purr. And he spins me back again.

“So glad I took dancing lessons – are we flying to BA for lunch?” You my hon, are a quite a little smart ass aren’t you?” “Who me?”

“Yes, you sweetie, I like your feistiness” and with that he smacks me across the face “but, only on my terms darling.”

I start to open my mouth to protest and he places his finger my lips and whispers, “hush baby, I will not hurt you – you will like this” and he kisses me on the nose.

Then next thing I know, I am on my knees with a mass of my hair firmly in his left hand as he unzips his suit pants with his right. He pulls my head back and shoves my head down unto his cock and I begin to gag a bit. “Babes, open your mouth wide and relax. My cock is not that huge you have had bigger I am sure” At this point I am no longer even shocked. He pumps over and over and my jaw begins to ache from it all. “Oh fuck, hon your mouth is so fucking good”

"But this pleasure can not be only for me- it needs to be shared.” He again grabs my hair and pulls me up and close to him and he kisses me deeply. He gently pushes my hair behind my ear and whispers, “my good girl will be rewarded for such lovely skills” as he takes off his suit jacket tossing it onto the couch. He turns around and bends me over his desk, pushes my panties to the side and enters me from behind. He grabs my wrists firmly pinning them behind my back with his left hand and starts unbuttoning my blouse with his right hand all whilst fucking me. My god this man takes ambidexterity too a whole new level. He pushes my bra down and starts to play with my right nipple mercifully. One minute pinching it, one minute pulling it, the next twisting it. It is the most relentless pleasure ever. “You have nipple clamps – don’t you slut?” you luv this pain – don’t you?”

“Yes, yes, YES, I have them.” “Yes, what?” “Yes, I like the pain”

“Yes, I know you do hon. I just know.”

He brings me to the first of a half dozen orgasms before having one of his own. He pulls himself out of me and leads me to his private bathroom. He cleans me with a warm towel, dries me off and kisses me on the forehead.

He takes my head between his hands and stares intently into my eyes – something I have always been quite uncomfortable with. “So absolutely stunning – you are actually glowing right now M“ – I giggle – a silly habit of mine.

“Shall I arrange for the car to take us to lunch now babes?”

  
      --------------------------------------

So, why does this story/real life scenario work for me? Why could a man I had met for less than an hour manage to fuck me? It is unfortunate but 90% of the men on this site are clueless to what a woman wants. Firstly, “he” had several of the traits I find attractive in a man, agree, their physical makeup, vocabulary, smile, sense of humor, and an overwhelming sense of confidence. My fictional date (or was he) was polite, full of compliments, and knew the difference between hard and soft. It absolutely needs to be both ways. He understood that sexual satisfaction in a two way street. If he had merely forced me to get him off with my mouth, it would have been a very different scenario. And I know, all you hard core self proclaimed doms out there are thinking "bullshit she is supposed to be submissive and do as I say"
but one needs to put the scenario into the equation of time. They barely know one another, there is sexual chemistry. There is nothing established beyond that. 
Mr. Tie understands a woman's body, intimately. She later finds out he took several courses in Anatomy for shits and giggles @ Uni. 
He knows where her erogenous zones (ears, throat, lips, nipples, wrists, feet) and how to manipulate them for her pleasure as well as his. Many men have no clue and take no action to learn these things. FYI, there is life beyond my clit and vagina. Mr. Tie understands the mechanics of the body as well. He renders her defenseless several times by pinning her wrists, grabbing her hair, twisting her arm a bit. These details are important. How can someone be in charge and fuck me from behind and my arms are flailing about? A small detail but hugely important. 
Mr. Tie is also a master of the verbal. Not only does he compliment her to a stranger on the phone (that could have been completely planned for her benefit who knows) but again, compliments her when he greets her. Yes, a woman wants to know that all those hours spent on primping are being noticed. He knows that words, dirty words are a delight to her. Note, - he didn't take it too far. There is no "slave" talk. He didn't spit on her or call her a cunt. He just met her - remember?! 
He did however, exert his will and his dominance and got what he wanted - to see if she enjoyed capitulating to him. Of course, it was a fucking test. 
Mr. Tie also understands the importance of 'aftercare." Personally I dislike that term but well, what shall we call it then? He cleaned her, he kissed her, and he complimented her yet again. He didn't just throw her a kleenex. 
And lastly, Mr. Tie is taking her to lunch- Why? Because he wants to know this woman and have a relationship with her not just a one "day" fling. He realizes that finding that woman who can challenge him cerebrally as well as physically in the kinkiest of ways is a rare find indeed. 



6/30/2015 9:04:42 AM
Will anyone here be attending the TES fest in NJ this weekend?

Contemplating 

Granted Piscataway, NJ is not exactly my first choice of destination for July4th weekend 

but...........

6/30/2015 4:28:41 AM
And interesting thought to ponder over your morning java: 

"I haven't the slighted interest in being happy. I prefer to live life passionately, which is dangerous because you never know what might happen next." 

-Paul Coelho

But can one have both - a passionate and happy life simultaneously? 




6/29/2015 3:53:51 PM
A thank you letter to all the men who didn't have the balls to TAME me:

Yes, you have deduced by this point that I am a strong, independent women by day but a naughty little slut in the bedroom. Yes, I want to be controlled, capitulated, dare I say owned? 

Thank you for being scared shitless of my sexuality coupled with my intelligence. They are a package deal both needing to be satiated. Because you can never truly have me with out challenging and embracing both. 

I am thankful for all those who I intimidated, stunned, repulsed, and disheartened. No, I am not your perfect little wall flower nor will I ever be. 

Yes, you were uncomfortable with my truth and yet the truth is really the only way - Why pretend? I don't want to live in a world of make believe. 

So, thank you for reminding me that although the truth, my dark side may not be your thing, it is mine and I will stay true to myself and continue to color outside the lines. 

Yes, I will thank you for showing me that normalcy is not acceptable and it truly is not what I desire nor need. The constant compromising of my soul in the past makes me search that much harder for what I want, deserve, and need. 

And finally, thank you for never loving me enough and only on your terms. Because I need someone who can be more than half in love with me - yes I should be the first thing you think about when you awake and the last thing on your mind when you go to bed. Anything less is unaccepatble. 


"The right man will love all the things about you that the wrong man was intimidated by." Unknown 





6/17/2015 12:31:42 PM
I have been thinking a great deal about a rape scenario and why this is appealing to me. 

Firstly, because there is a certain comfort in knowing that perhaps the search for your match both intellectually and sexually have been found gives one the space to breathe and explore because trust has been established and jealousy does not exist. I once read somewhere, loyalty is something you need for things you don't luv enough. And when you luv enough, loyalty no longer is a question. 

I never found this in a vanilla relationship. Every man I met in such, equated luv and sex with monogamy which eventually did not work out.  Knowing that being with another man actually turns HIM on is in itself is a huge turn on. A man should be confident in his manhood. 

(of course safety is paramount he would know where I was and would be listening/ or watching via Skype or face time) 

I once did something similar to this in a vanilla arrangement. I was on the road traveling for business and had been communicating with someone prior via internet. My plane was late arriving and missed the opportunity too have a drink with him that night. "Txt me in the morning", I typed. I gave him my room # and answered the door naked and we fucked. Simple really. I have zero recollection with regards to him or the fuck and it was that forgettable. Sad but true. 

So, I really do not feel uncomfortable in this type of role play with the added element of domination and hence being powerless. High end hotels tend to have very thin walls and I feel safe in such a scenario. 

It is intriguing to explore the stranger/semi stranger type of arrangement. As it now really matters not your IQ, vocabulary, or intellect or lack there of. (I already have all of that and more in him) so......

Do you have a nice sized cock and stamina? 
Can you truly be dominant?
Are you in decent shape and take care of yourself? 
Are you comfortable being verbally abusive?
Do you have some modicum of creativity to role play? 
Are you able to preform with a condom? - not a debatable subject

let the search begin 

6/16/2015 5:24:24 PM
CUNT 

a derogatory termed used to describe a woman 
 
a vulgar way to describe female genitalia

considered to be the most offensive word in the English language

and yet: 

a moniker that instantly makes me so very very wet 

a term I actually adore him calling me  

my new go to word for describing my pussy 

How can the most offensive word in the English language become a term of endearment? 

Hmm...... I ponder 

2/24/2015 9:41:10 AM

“Only connect the prose and the passion, and both will be exalted, and human love will be seen at its highest. Live in fragments no longer.”

―E.M. Forster Howards End 

And yet, we live in a world which aides us in exactly the opposite direction, to connect without actual connection. We can exchange “prose” all day via our smart phones coupled with twitter, face book, instagram, and email. We can avoid a face to face or tete-a-tete and instead live in a virtual fantasy world 24/7. 

Are we becoming numb to receiving instant gratifications via face book likes, thumbs up stickers, and emoticons? Is this new “normal’ of being socially accepted all day, everyday, via smiley faces and likes affect how we now act when do not instantly receive the praise we have come to expect? 

I often receive very nice messages from men praising me on my profile and journal and claiming I am the perfect match for them. Subsequently, when I do not “pick them” (this usually has to do with the fact that THEY are not able to travel and hence there is geographical limitation and/or they are physically very large, which is not my thing) they suddenly do a 180 and I receive a nasty hate mail containing horrible sentiments.

Why would anyone become angry when being turned down in a virtual world? It isn’t real until it is. Why would this illicit such an emotional response?One can only wonder if these same men would react this way in the real world if passed over for a job promotion, turned down for a date, or denied a job interview. 

So the question remains, Is the internet subliminally changing how we relate and communicate to people both inside and outside our laptop world? Are we now simply living in fragments?

 


2/23/2015 4:11:11 AM
"I don't really want to become normal, average, standard. 

I want merely to gain in strength, in the courage to live out my life more fully, 

enjoy more, experience more. 

I want to develop even more original and more unconventional traits"

-Anais Nin 

I lovely quote to start the week "

2/22/2015 8:46:11 AM
OK people, let's discuss photos: 

Stop sending them
Stop posting them
Stop, Stop, Stop

Please protect your identity and those whom you love. There are many who do not think as freely as we do regarding kink. Your parents, your coworkers, your friends, your children, your wife.

I just received a picture from someone who chose not to be transparent and post their weight- which is usually a huge indicator that they are someone who is overweight. He sends me his photo - claiming he has "nothing to hide" 

30 sec later after a google image search I know his name, His non profit with an EIN, and where he works and well I didn't care to go any farther than that. I am not that person. I have no reason to expose anyone here nor send people nasty hate mail. 

This is not real people. This is fantasy world. You have NO FUCKING Idea who you are "talking" with on the internet. You have NO FUCKING CONTROL of your image once you  send it forth into the cyberspace for perpetuity. Yes, FOREVER! 

So, please be careful. Meet in person and establish a connection. Isn't this what the desired outcome is anyway? 





2/22/2015 7:24:14 AM
I just deleted 10 pages of messages. Perhaps, a clean inbox will facilitate a fresh start to my search. 

Please, stop sending me messages when you are three time zones and 3,000 miles away. Local men can barely figure out how to budget and an hour for a coffee date. This is reason and logistics not fantasy land.
Are you a CEO with access to a private jet and/ or have too many frequent flier miles you can't spend them all? 
Are you in NYC/CT every other week? 

I am searching for someone who has time to meet at least once a week for a few hours or an overnight. I feel that is the bare time minimum required to establish a meaningful relationship like this where trust is paramount. 


2/17/2015 7:46:49 AM
librarians need to be read/ before they are taken to bed/ like books they are bound/ they utter no sound/ no kindle can give a man head.


A quite clever limerick from someone. 

Kudus! 



2/15/2015 6:03:28 AM
Does anyone here belong to The Eulenspiegel Society in NYC? Just joined and looking for some feedback. 



2/14/2015 5:29:09 AM
I recently received a message that made me think for a moment as to how I may be perceived on this site via the written word. This man, and I do not use the term gentleman, proceeded to accuse me of being obsessed with my personal beauty and that must be why I opened my profile with those thoughts. 

Actually, that was not the thought at all. Instead, I believe in being truly transparent and shouting,  "listen world, I am this height, this weight, this size jeans. No games here and I choosing to list my weight not hide it. And I guarantee, I will not be 20-30 pounds heavier then I claim when we meet!" 
And yes, I am still the same size as I was when I was in boarding school. I believe many people in general are unaware of a height/weight chart and what that means as many men here think 6ft 210 is normal. It is not. If they do not know what their proper weight should be how would they know what mine is. Yet, I do not judge health by a scale. I know many people who are thin who are not healthy. But as America is the most obese country on the planet (according to my google search) obviously it is an issue here. 

Next, I like to be funny as well as a smart ass - hence the rock the TR's statement. It is not from the ego. 

And lastly, beauty is a very interesting term. I prefer whole body wellness. I eat very clean and healthy, I rarely drink, I do not believe in nor take any pharmaceuticals, I do not put any chemicals on the exterior of my body - only pure oils. I meditate, do yoga, and I have a fairly keen knowledge of anatomy. I have been inverting since I was 6 years old in gymnastics. I understand what my body does and is capable of doing. I am aware of how I stand and how I walk. But moreover, I am happy in my mind and whole body wellness. Unlike Western medicine, Ayurveda does not separate the mind and body. I strive to be a happy and positive person and radiate this on a daily basis. 

What is pure physical beauty? The 16 year old air brushed girl posing as a woman on the cover of Vogue? The perfect facial features in exact proportion? The most gorgeous long, silky hair? The most piercing stunning eyes? I have no idea. I have none of these. I am not 20 years old with perfect anythings.
But, I am ok with that and not trying to be that. I am looking forward to aging as I care about my body and I have a great deal of confidence that it will last as long as I need it to. I am looking forward to retiring at 55 and rewarding my body with sun, sailing, a garden of fresh food, and even more yoga. 
Will my body wrinkle? yes will I get sun spots? yes, will my breasts sag? yes, will my hair grey? yes. That is aging. I don't believe that makes a woman less beautiful. 


2/5/2015 7:48:35 AM
So, upon reading my journal and profile what are the main characteristics you might deduce regarding my character? 

Hmm.... 

perhaps that I write a great deal
that I tend to use large words and I have a comfortable grasp of the English Language
that I enjoy words - big hint, I play Scrabble
that I read books; many of them big hint, I have no tv and I journaled my reading list

So, If you are a man trying to get my attention should you: 

Proof read your profile for grammatical errors, misspellings, and punctuation?
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY !

Compose more than one sentence in your message to me? 
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY!

Send me a message AFTER you have actually written a profile?
ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! 

Ok rant over. I am beginning to think I need to tie half my brain behind my back just to make it fair for most. There really is a disproportionate number of uneducated people on this obscure website.  






2/4/2015 9:11:58 PM
"A body out of balance craves that which keeps it out of balance. And a body in balance craves that which keeps it balanced" 

I think this yoga teacher would be quite appalled to find me quoting him on this site and I can't post a video of this from you tube as the video and JPG police on this site have far too much time on their hands. As they removed my generic google search shots of shibari. 

So, yes I am out of balance:

I crave sugar. I actually found myself on the Nothing Bunt Cakes Page today at work salivating over the pictures. Thank Gauwd there is not a location within 3 states from here. 
It is such amazingly fucking yummy goodness. 

I crave warmth. My body is not cooperating on adjusting to life in the frozen tundra. I don't blame it. I try to keep it warm. I eat lots of warming soups and stews. I wrap my body in layers of wool. I have two comforters a down filled one and a lambs wool one. 
But, I can't stay in bed all day :( - it is so nice and cozy there though. Nothing works. My bones ache and my skin is dry and crying for moisture. 

I crave sex, well that makes sense as I am on this crazy site typing away. Apparently the jerking off and watching bondage porn is not helping my condition diminish. 

I crave laughter. Things are far too serious and stressful in the media. Every storm is the "storm of the century" and requires copious amounts of preparation for impending doom. Why can't it simply snow and that be a joyful experience.
The vaccination debate on fb is driving me crazy. And yesterday, I had to explain to some very misinformed Mommy, that NO pizza is not a healthy breakfast right down to the fat, sugar, and salt grams. I really like face book but I need some comedic release already. And today, I sadly had to turn off NPR on my car radio, as they seem to have fallen into the sad state of news sensationism as well. 

Tomorrow, I am going to open  the sunroom on my car, pray it is sunny and not snowing, listen to the Beach Boys on my morning commute and pretend I am eating a bunt cake on the beach in San Diego !!!

2/2/2015 5:47:08 PM
I do not own a tv. Amazing isn't it? But, the written word is just far more fascinating to me. I am sure you have figured that out if follow this journal. Yet, I don't despise nor shun the visual coming out of an electronic box, I am merely particular in what I choose to watch and one does not need a television in this day and age to do so. 
I do have the HBO Go app, the Showtime anytime app, an Amazon account, and an I tunes account. Collectively, they pretty much cover a wide spectrum for me.  I mostly dabble in obscure docs and PBS specials but I like episodic as well. Luved Newsroom, Hung, United States of Tara, The Tudors, House, and even Girls. 

My latest indulgence, The Affair on Showtime. A recent Golden Globe winner for best new drama and lead actress it is one of those shows that makes you work to enjoy it- like reading. It is not mindless - which is unfortunatly the overwhelming majority of television. 

Each episode is a flash back of how HE remembers the period of time from his perspective and the second half of the episode is how SHE  recalls the exact same events during the same period of time.  

It is wildly different; the way the places, people, verbiage and even the clothing is remembered. It is clever and edgy. I like it. and I can't help but think about a similar scenario an affair of the BDSM nature. He said/she said - how it all unfolded, how it all played out, how it ended, or didn't. 

A book perhaps? 

And I luv the Lyrics to the opening song

I have only one thing to do and that's
To be the wave that I am and then
Sink back into the ocean

Sink back into the o-
Sink back into the ocean
Sink back into the o-
Sink back into the ocean
Sink back into the ocean

Fiona Apple - Container Lyrics | MetroLyrics



1/3/2015 10:49:09 AM
Of fake fingertips and pappardelle

I certainly do not intend to write about all of my coffee meet and greets and dinner dates on my explorative journey so please don't think you will ever be revealed if you decide to meet me. I am completely discreet with regards to this part of my life. 

I am sure the person involved will not agree with MY humorous recapitulation of our encounter. So it began with a few red flags which I ignored and shouldn't have in retrospect. A few too many BDSM "catch phrases" as I like to refer to them. "you will respect me" "I would be punished if i was late" and far too many ubiquitous "sir" references. I find titles and the use of such absolutely ridiculous. 

Yet, this particular gentleman was quite charming on the phone and seemed to have his shit together. He told me what he would like me to wear which was actually refreshing and said he had an affinity toward fingernails. Well, I am a huge fan of pedicures and I take great pride in having very pretty feet. Yet, nails seem to big a tough one for me. I fix things, I own a tool box, and my job has an element that requires some physical labor. Nails are a huge time and money commitment that don't make much sense when you will most likely break off a tip two days after leaving the salon. Regardless, I went to great lengths to find a nail salon - not one was to be found open on New Year's Day and I had to rush after work in order to not be late for our dinner date. It was maddening, TWO fucking hours of toxic fumes whilst sitting still with no verbal or visual stimulation was a bit nerve racking. 
I arrive at the restaurant and apparently the color was not to his liking. Nor was the color of my hair. He actually had the gall to ask if I would consider being blonde. I tried to explain that a woman can not go more than three levels from their inherent color without a full-time world champion colorist who charges a shit ton of money. At no time did he suggest that he would like to take on such a financial commitment.
He did not quite understand my desire to NOT look like a cheap street walker  with fake platinum blonde hair, long red nails, and apparently a 12 year old one at that, as he would "require" me to shave completely down there. 
I explained to him that the nails thing was not in my current life style to devote that much time and fiscally $75 every other week was not happening. And that shaving completely was also not something I was willing to do either as I actually like it the way it is: nicely trimmed, shaved underneath and a lasered bikini line. I did try the bald thing once. It itches and requires daily maintenance not to mention hair is actually there for a reason. This was not what he wan't to hear by any means and he persisted to berate me as I could not possibly be submissive unless I did everything he required. And since he had years of experience(I hear this phrase far too frequently) and I was the neophyte I was wrong and he was right. 

So we agreed to disagree and quite frankly it somewhat ruined me enjoying my lovely bread pudding for desert.

I am very happy with my looks and my personality. I have no desire to change them. I am not sure why he felt he needed to. 

Oh, and apparently my skirt wasn't short enough for his liking either. 

And to end on a positive optomistic note- my cats are luving my new nails! That's all she wrote folks! 

1/2/2015 6:33:42 AM
I feel as if a bit of clarification is in order.
This is how this site works for ME. 
I was previously on this site when I resided in the PNW. It was at that time, Collarme. 
I recently relocated to the Largest Metropolitan Statistical Area in the US. - The NJ, NY, CT, NYC area. I am sure I don't have to tell you how many people reside here - but it is a shit ton. So that being said, I am inundated with mail as a recent transplant and due to the generally large population of this area. 
I don't know about you, but I would not ask my admin assistant to review the e-mails on this site and present to me with the top 20. It is like choosing who to interview for an available job. You are overwhelmed with resume after resume and you have to narrow it down to a handful. This is simply how it works on this skewed site- in the woman's favor. I think I have actually reached out to perhaps one person so far as every thing is incoming mail. 
Therefore, if your profile does not stand out, you can not be bothered to write more than two sentences, you are not height weight proportionate, you are under 40 or over 60, or you are not geographically convenient you will NOT make the cut. To further elaborate, if you insist on endless emails and not scheduling a meet and greet within a reasonable time period - let's say a week your emails are now living on page 8 and I have 10 fresh emails on page one. This is how it works. 
My previous career required much more travel and International travel than my present endeavor. At that time, I was looking for someone who had a fairly flexible schedule and I could meet on the road for overnight trysts. That is not the case now. I have a 9-5 in Ct and I live in Westchester. It is a very different paradigm for me. I have been freelance my entire life prior to this. 
I do continue to travel frequently as I luv to do so but I am no longer find myself in a different city every week. 

I hope that provides a bit more insight. 



1/2/2015 4:37:44 AM
I would like to virtually reach out and thank all the very genuine and gracious individuals who have sent copious amounts of pleasant messages complimenting me on my journal and my profile. That really means the world to me. I take words very seriously and try to express myself in a manner that makes people smile, laugh, or perhaps view something from a perspective from which they may never have considered. Writing is quite cathartic for me and it does not come from a place of ego. I am truly humbled and thankful for the praise. 

"There is no respect for others without humility in one's self" 

- Henri-Frederic Amiel 

12/30/2014 4:17:14 AM
I was snacking last night in bed- I know, really bad habit but I was craving crunchy - I often do. Pita chips are my preferred edible form of satiation. The chip clip read "CONTAIN YOURSELF" which I never paid much attention to prior to this post. 

So, the clip comes from the CONTAINER STORE, which happens to be this girl's idea of shopping utopia. All the traits I highly covet;  punctuality, efficiency, and organization are held to a higher standard here. It is an type A, anal retentive's dream. Aisle after isle of goodies, thing a ma jigs, and stuffs to make my life that much easier, cleaner, streamlined and organized.  
Yes, my spice jars are labeled and alphabetized, my pantry labeled and in beautiful stackable containers that fit the shelf exactly. My clothes are on color coordinated hangers and my P touch machine is an item I utilize often. This is my life. My space is tiny and I do mean tiny and that is by choice so every item has a specific place to live. There is no sign of chaos anywhere in my living space. 
I found that the last two times I have been in other people's space I just inadvertantly default to this mindset.I find myself lining up their shoes. I look for the coat rack/hook (why is there none? Why would the coat be flung on a table? - horrors). I look in their medicine cabinet and want to rearrange the bottles so I can view the labels - I know it is kind of an invasion of privacy to some people but really I have nothing to hide in my medicine cabinet. Feel free look around. 
Recently, one particularly open minded and accommodating friend of mine actually let me  rearrange his furniture and place his bed in the correct feng shui position. Ayurveda believes the head should face South or East when sleeping for the most benefits. 
So, why am I revealing all this? Hmmmm.... good question. I don't know. It just seemed like a proper segue and the irony is there everyday, in my face, a constant reminder:

CONTAIN YOURSELF !!! -
"WHY?" 
It's a double entendre - I desire to be contained, yet I want to color outside of society's dictated lines. My life IS contained except in the place I most desire it to be. 

12/29/2014 3:56:24 AM
I hold - hold my shit in my scapula, in my C 1-5, in my jaw, & in my sternocleidomastiod. 
But, it's not stress. I am comfortably settling into a routine after my move. No issue there. 
I perform these crazy jaw exercises between sips of what people here call coffee while commuting on I-95 North every morning. I am sure to the casual observer I must look like some sort of crazed woman but I don't give a fuck what they think. 
I have a golf ball, a tennis, ball, two sizes of small wooden balls, and a some crazy green bumpy ball that I purchased at REI, they live in my purse or computer bag when I am not forcing them into my shoulder blade. I am literally a woman with too many balls. LOL.Yet, none of them seem to be working lately. 

When I was on a Vanilla dating site I used to suggest we meet at a Bikram yoga class. It was awesome as there is no hiding your body and it quickly separates the men from the boys. They got to see me in a sweaty raw mess - no makeup no 5" designer heels, no frilly silky panties. 

Exposed exhausted and spent.

It's like sex. Although, that is the last thing you want to be thinking about while trying to balance in dancer's pose. I don't like Bikram as a form of yoga as it is unsafe and makes no sense.The teachers do not know how to adjust nor demonstrate they simply read a ridiculous that oftentimes makes no sense (flat like ham sandwich - WTF? ) But, I like Bikram as a release and that is just what my body is craving at the moment. 

I think I need to revisit this method and abandon the coffee date thing. It is just making me jittery and no one here takes coffee seriously. Show me the indie roasters, a real non franchised Mom & Pop cafe, a talented barista, and for fuck sake offer me a non dairy alternative that won't kill me. Almond, hemp, rice .......anyone? anyone???




12/28/2014 6:08:40 AM
Please do not force me to correct your inept grammar and school you on your diminutive command of the English language. You should be embarrassed. Really! 

I am not being a bitch. I understand the occasional typo, I am guilty as well. But, really please put some effort into your one sentence(yes, apparently that is all you can muster)
messages that are supposed to intrigue and impress me.

DELETE
DELETE
DELETE
DELETE 
DELETE 

Are we getting the idea yet?

12/28/2014 5:23:11 AM
Let me clarify for the seemingly disproportionate number of myopic souls out there,  SXYLIBRARIAN is merely a moniker. Yes, an esthetically pleasing one at that.

Your secretary, your colleague, perhaps even your boss. Why does she intrigue you? Why her? You can't quite pin it down. The flirty way she winks, the way she walks in those heels(like she owns the place) the self confidence, fuck - yet she laughs and talks to the brekkie counter lady in Spanish every morning(who does that?)
She appears (because that is what is required) to be the conservative, well dressed woman you meet everyday. But she is different. She is hiding something, you have picked up on the oh so subtle inappropriate references, her look, her verbiage,even her face book page is slightly Non PC & you find yourself just wondering what she is wearing under that custom tailored shirt and the just tight enough skirt that fits her ass perfectly. You are a details guy - you notice(because that is what you do) that the lady obviously loves her shoes. They are foreign, most likely Italian and they are equivalent to your monthly car lease. 
Yet, she is edgy and adores color, silver jewelry and wearing things that make people turn their head and smile. She will make you smile because although she is book smart she has a wicked dry sense of humor and she rarely self edits( yes, it oftentimes gets her into trouble). But, well that is the enigma behind her glasses. 

My reading list seems to be a frequent request so here is a partial list of my kindle library: Enjoy 

In no particular order: (Written Word only not coffee table books)


* A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the Internet Tells us about Sex
*God's Hotel: A Doctor, a Hospital, and a Pilgrimage to the Heart
*The Reader
*Shantaram 
*When Healing Becomes a Crime
*The Story of the Human Body
*Just Enough
*Behind the Beautiful Forevers
*God's Hotel
*The China Mirage
*Word Freak
*If your Dream Doesn't Scare you it isn't Big Enough
*The Botany of Desire: A Plant's-Eye View of the World
*Trust Me, I'm Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator
*The Sexual Ecstasy Workbook
*Balilicious
*The World is Flat 
*Hot, Flat & Crowded
*The Kindness of Strangers
*The Little Prince
*Fly Fishing the 41st
*The Tao of Pooh
*Richistan
*Bali Daze
*Rich Food Poor Food
*The Food of  a Younger Land
*A very Hungry Caterpiller
*The Piano Shop on the Left Bank
*Dan Gets a Minivan
*Jenna Jamison: Make Luv like a Porn Star
*Animal, Vegetable, Miracle
*Fierce Medicine: Anna Forrest 
*Walden on Wheels
*Orange is the New Black
*Wheels of Life: A user's guide to the Chakra System
*Bicycle Diaries
*Who Stole my Customer?
*The Voice of Reason: A VIP Pass to Enlightenment
*The Good Women of China
*Renegades Write the Rules
*The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
*Everything ever written by Anthony Bourdain and Michael Pollan
*The Control Book
*Falling off the Map: Some Lonely Places of the World 
*India Bites you Somehow - True Life Tales
*The Adventures of Bindi Girl: Diving Deep into the Heart of India
*Clean
*Natural Nutrition for Cats & Dogs
*The Man Within My Head
*Power Yoga
*How to Manage Pitta Dosha
*The Book of Vice
*A Day in the Life of a Minimalist
*Ayurveda: The Science of Self Healing
*Just Fick Me - What Women want men to know about Taking Control
*Yinsights: A journey into the Philosophy and practice of Yin Yoga
*The Key Muscles of Yoga
*How to Travel Full Time
*The Big Tiny: A Built-It-Myslef Memoir
*Light on Life
*The Healing Intelligence of Essential Oils
*My Exile Lifestyle
*With My Body: A Novel(P.S.)
*The Coconut Oil Miracle
*How to Be Invisible: Protect your home, your children, your assets, and your life
*Untamed: The Wildest Women in America
*Consider the Fork: A History of How We Cook & Eat
*God's Behaving Badly: A novel
*Cooler Smarter: Practical steps for Low-Carbon Living
*The New Rules of Marketing
*Salt Sugar Fat: How the Food Giants Hooked Us
*Directed by Desire: The Collection of Poems by June Jordan
*Sea of Faith 
*The Te of Piglet
*Nightfishing: A Woman's Dream Diary
*FieldGuide to Produce
*Fire of Love
*BKS Iyengar: Yoga The Path to Holistic Health

Everything by Updike, Hemingway, & John Irving 

"If you go home with somebody and they don't have Books- 
DON'T FUCK THEM" 
- John"If you go home with somebody and they don't have Books- 
DON'T FUCK THEM" 
- John Waters 

12/27/2014 5:49:06 PM


Some of my fav images of Shibari 















12/27/2014 5:43:28 PM



HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
A Giant green butt plug Xmas tree :) 


12/27/2014 3:40:30 PM

This is for women who don't give a fuck.

The women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea.

The women who drink a whisky, stay up too late and have sex like they mean it.

The women who know they aren’t sluts because they enjoy sex, but human beings with a healthy sexual appetite.

The women who will ask you for what they need in bed.

This is for the women who seek relentless joy; the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls.

The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts.

The ones who wear “night make up” in the morning or don’t own mascara.

The women who know their worth, who plant their feet and roar in their brilliance.

The women who aren’t afraid to tell a man to get the fuck out of her heart if he doesn’t honour her heart.

This is for the women who rock combat boots with frilly skirts.

The women who swear like truck drivers.

The women who hold the people who harass or wrong them with fierce accountability.

The women who flip gender norms and false limitations the bird and live to run successful companies giving “the man” a run for his name.

The ones who don’t find their success a compliment just because they have a vagina.

Women like Gloria Steinem who, when she was told, “We want a writer, not a woman. Go home,” kept writing anyway.

This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning, and dare you to question it.

For the women who open doors for men and are confident enough to have doors opened for them.

Who use “no” to be in service for themselves.

Who don’t give a damn about pleasing the world, and do sweetly as they wish.

For the superheroes I salute your resilient, cape-flapping, ambitious selves.

This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence.

The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times.

The women who know how to be busy and know how to plant their feet in the earth and get grounded.

This is the woman I want to be. 

- Janne Robison wrote the original poem 
I amended it a bit 


 


4/29/2014 10:22:34 PM

Sexy is:

those great laugh lines around the eyes when you smile

the "I don't give a fuck" what anybody thinks or cares 

when a man is so self confident he doesn't have to dress up to impress 

a wicked sense of humor


4/28/2014 10:00:15 AM

Just a little something I wrote awhile back

Chapter 3

 A very long ride

 Often times the most well laid out plans refuse to gel and this happened to be one of those infuriating travel days with a two hour delay leaving the tarmac and another delay upon the arrival of a jammed jet way.  But, both being seasoned road warriors; they took it in stride and powered though the annoyances.  The limo drive not there to meet them at the gate was just a sick joke – right?

Pouting a bit, she sits there straddling her suitcase in a pair of red strappy sandals (his favorite color with regards to women’s shoes) and discretely adjusts the strap of her dress which keeps insisting on falling off her shoulder.

He stands behind her on his cell trying to explain in English that the driver is missing, whilst running the fingers of his other hand through her hair and every once in awhile kneading his thumb into that nasty little stress knot that never seems to go away at the base of her neck. She squirms beneath his strong fingers loving the way it feels.  She can feel the perspiration starting to form all over her body beading up on her back, her face, but mainly between her thighs all become sticky, uncomfortable, and wetter by the minute. She tries to not let it bother her – the noise, the chaos, the pollution. “Please just take care of it right away” and he puts the phone away in his pocket. “Baby they said they are en route, just hang on 5 more minutes- ok?” He reaches into her bag, grabs her I phone and ear buds, picks one of her favorite jazz artists pulls her hair back tucks it behind her ears and gently puts the ear buds in. She relaxes a bit, sighs, and reaches above her head pulls him down and gives him a deep kiss and whispers thank you.

Finally, the car arrives and the driver apologizes over and over in Spanish and something about a road closure do to some storm and he will have to take a detour to the resort turning a 20 minute trip into an hour and a half journey. She rolls her eyes quickly so he can’t see (she knows he hates this bad habit of hers) and collapses into the back seat of the limo thinking so be it, it has ac and a privacy glass it can’t be that bad.

He climbs in after her taking the opportunity to garb her ass for a millisecond. “You little devil – you didn’t tell me you weren’t wearing any panties – such a naughty girl” She winks back at him and starts to unbuckle the straps to her heels as he spots the bar and pours two jack and diet cokes. Somehow, she knows that he has taken care of that as well and that Jack Daniels single barrel isn’t the norm in limo bars. She loves that he never let’s the details slip bye. “Cheers, baby – to a great two day weekend with my fav gal!” she laughs and clinks her glass to his and takes a long gulp of the pungent brown Tennessee whiskey.  She gets about halfway though her drink and dozes off her head in his lap.  He maneuvers gingerly trying not to wake her as he types away yet another urgent bullshit work email on his phone wishing his boss would just leave him the fuck alone to do his job. He finishes his drink and leans over her to pour another. He takes a sip puts his glass down and takes an ice cube from it and slowly inches his hand underneath her dress and up her thigh. Just as he is about to touch her skin with it, he puts his other hand over her mouth to muffle her impending scream. She is jolted awake like a bolt of electricity and her eyes look up at him startled, anxious, and a bit pissed off as she tries to squirm away.

Relax, baby, I’m not going to hurt you. He loosens the grip over her mouth but just slightly. “Open your legs for me” He pries her legs apart with his elbow. As the ice cube melts all over her thighs she continues to futilely squirm out of his grip. And just when he thinks she can’t take it one more second, he spreads her lips apart and forces what’s left of the ice cube into her pussy. She squeezes her legs together in agony but painfully pleasurable. “Oh come on baby, you love this game- remember this game?” She knows he is right but it is still so damn cold between her legs making a huge mess melting out of her in the seat. “Don’t say a word – understand me” as he finally lifts his hand away from her mouth.  He leans over grabs both her ankles with his right hand and spins her around toward him as he pulls the top of her dress down so he can see all of her and begins to unzip his fly. “Keep you legs in the air and don’t move them” he barks at her. She nods her head slightly and obeys him as he wiggles out of his jeans (commando today – too hot in Mexico for underwear) and starts stroking his rock hard dick admiring her gorgeous tanned body. He loves looking down on her so compliant and willing. “You know I can never get enough of you –don’t you?” He takes another sip of his drink leans down and kisses her deeply letting her suck on the ice cube in his mouth.  He takes it from her and holds it above her letting it drip slowly onto her hard little nipples making her squirm and moan all the more wanting some satisfaction. He reaches back pushes her legs down and teases her more, lightly grazing her clit over and over and inserting his fingers just enough to tease her as he know she wants them all the way in her. “Do you know how fucking hot that is for me thinking about you straddling your suitcase on the curb with no panties on? “

But, suddenly his tone changes in an instant and his salacious grin has disappeared from his face “but who do you think you are not telling me about that, missy?” Do you think you can be a little smart ass around me without me knowing it?” She tries to suppress a giggle but it comes out “so you think this is funny?” He is genuinely pissed off. “I should really take you over my knee spank you and then fuck you silly right now but since you seem to think you make the rules around here I am not about to give you any satisfaction” “open your mouth and suck” he demands as he places two of his fingers in her mouth. She obeys and he reaches back and starts fucking her with his fingers knowing exactly where to touch her to make her come. She begs him to let her come but he continues to tease her relentlessly. Then without warning he grabs her hair pulls her head to the side and positions her neck over the edge of the seat. He pushes her legs up the back of the seat and positions himself over her face tilting her head back.  A bit of gymnastics required to pull off in a limo, but eventually he maneuvers into a position where he can thrust his dick in and out of her mouth at the proper angle. She feels a bit light headed as the motion of the car coupled with her head being upside down is making it a bit difficult for her to concentrate on relaxing her neck and letting him go deep down her throat. She loves the way it feels to be so powerless beneath him.  He fucks her face until he can’t hold back any longer and groans deeply, throwing his head back as she swallows every drop. He gently runs his thumb across her upper lip wiping the sweat away and grabs her by the chin and kisses her deeply. “Baby your mouth is so fucking good it is beyond delicious – you know that don’t you?  I wish you could wake me up like that every morning” She smiles and winks back at him, knowing that will never be a possibility. She turns her face to the window and sighs as she anticipates the next two days of fucking her lover in the amazing resort they were en route to. 


1/18/2014 9:13:10 PM

 

To Love A Serious Girl:  
by Rebecca Lammersen

She ain't casual. She's serious in the fanciest of ways. 
She means every word she says as she prays.

 

She ain't a liar, the opposite in fact.
 She's a truth sayer, a lie slayer.
 She'll find a way in, because love always does. 

 

She'll break you on purpose. 
it's okay to be nervous.

 

Her only demand. 
Honesty with(out) command. 

 

She'll fuck you with her questions 
until, 
you cum with the answers you didn't know you had. 

 

She's complicated, she's always been.
You'll never unravel her.
 Don't try, you can't win. 

 

She's smart, not to be confused with sly. 
Live twisted in her mystery until the day you
die. 

 

Don't take her to happy hour, 
unless you want to be there till closing. 

Happy hour was created for those other girls -

 

The girls who look like women
and the women who act like girls and seem 
frozen.

 

She's neither of those. 
You know it immediately too, 
if she'll look at you. 

It's in her eyes.
They'll conquer you. 

 

She'll seem shy. 
She's not, just careful. She knows what she is capable of-

So, if she looks at you,
She chooses you. 
Be grateful. 

 

You'll feel sexy. 
Sexier then you've ever felt, 
Cause you just saw yourself in those eyes, 
you melt. 

 

It's hard to look away after that. 
Virginity you thought you lost way back. 

 

She'll swallow you, like the whale of Jonah,
You'll disappear as if she owns ya. 

 

Your cock, your mind, your heart-
it will seem
 you're safer than you've ever been. 
She'll spit you out whole in the end.

 

No need to be afraid, 
she isn't, 

Of any of it cause she's already lived it. 
Like she's been inside you too. 

 

To love a serious girl is what you need. 
A muse she is indeed. 

She'll ravage you with inspiration. 
Her passion is suffocation.
You'll grasp for understandin' for the rest of your life,

Cause you know-

The casual ones don't compare, 
not to her and that stare. 

She ain't them, they ain't her
 

And boy, you seriously ain't nothin' without her. 

 


7/13/2013 10:22:12 AM

Bright Lights Big Penises or my LUV/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH BDSM PORN

This particular post has been rattling around inside my brain for a inordinate amount of time and out of the blue this morning a rather new acquaintance of mine sent me a BDSM video. The truly ironic part of this is that the person I am referring to is an amazing writer and knows that words excite me ahhh well, that is a whole other story. 

So, that is the impetus of the following brilliant insight or full on rant, however you perceive it I suppose. 

Let's start with the big picture- No pun intended of course. 99% of the BDSM porn I watch( and I only watch the free stuff)  takes place in a dungeon. This is a bit strange as I would guesstimate perhaps .1% of the world population owns a dungeon. Certainly, it is not a big selling point in regards to resale when selling your property. 

Realtor: "And the creme de la creme - the dungeon; finished in Brazilian cherry hardwoods, oil rubbed bronze fixtures, tumbled botticino marble floors, and a stunning B&O sound system. The owner had the cross hand carved in Italy and he is willing to negotiate regarding leaving the accessories which as you can see are all top of the line" BRahhaahaaa !!!!

Potential Buyer: fucking speechless 

Ok, moving on. So, we don't have dungeons and my point being that well, although esthetically pleasing, let's add a dose of reality to this. Can you tie me to the dining room table? Can you figure out how to creatively fuck me in the kitchen, or flog me in the bathroom? 

This is where my life takes place. I don't know about yours. Public or semi public locals - for instance the boardroom table in the executive lounge in the airline club that you rented are certainly indulgent and creative. 

Let's segue past the physical location, let's discuss the emotional or lack there of. This is a big one for me. The inordinate amount of shear close ups is overwhelming.
Seriously, why not just stick a go pro up the woman's ass ? Cause I really need and want to see her colon apparently.
As a woman, I find it much more of a turn on to see the emotion on the actors face. Oh yeah, forgot they are porno stars and they can't act. LOL But, well eye to eye contact is so fucking important and there is none. The camera or the moron editor, (don't know as I have never been on a porno set or in their edit) just don't cut to this shot EVER. Why is there rarely kissing or emotion involved. You can't have the hard without the soft. The "soft' makes the "hard" - oh so much better. 

And while we are on the subject of acting let's visit the verbal. I don't know about you, but if someone can't talk dirty to me in bed they will basically never see my bed again. Words are very very powerful both in writing and aloud. I think a class in "talking dirty" should be required for every dominant male BDSM actor. Just sayin. If I click on a video and there is some lame ass voice over or worse montage of music -  I am outtta there immediately. Total turn off. James Dean - I luv you!!! 

Ok, on to lighting. I have a back ground in this stuff as you can most likely deduce by now. The Kmart, florescent over head, big box store lighting sucks. No one looks good in it. It isn't moody nor provocative - it is simply just there. Lighting is an amazing tool. Use it. It will enhance your shoot. Hire a damn good DP who knows how to light and a huge ass grip truck and use them. I have recently seen a few videos that have experimented with the lighting - kind of the total other end of the spectrum a bit TOO dark and moody but what the hell, at least they are coloring outside the lines.   

And last, but certainly not least story line. There are a few out there but really fucking rare. I know, it is porn they don't have a budget for writers, multiple scenes, locations, or set ups but if you are going to rent a home for the day. (FYI, I have rented high end homes for commercials and they are $10k a day and) then use the entire home with a cool story line. Do I need to write those as well? Creativity - hello? 

So to recapitulate for those who prefer the cliff notes version: 

Better lighting, more verbal, some semblance of a story line, and NO fucking dungeon!!!! 

Cheers! 

 


4/1/2013 5:14:17 AM

I felt like I had to "explain" my last journal entry to another person who has nothing better to do then write hate mail. It is interesting out of all my journal entrys he chose to obsess on that one. And again, I am floored that men have so much time on their hands to read a journal entry they obviously don't like and feel the overhelming need to berate me for it. Perhaps, if they spent more time on their own profile they would find success. Firstly, this is my opinion, I am allowed to have one as it is MY journal. I admit it is a bit snarky but it is based on the volume of email I receive that contain one line messages and then men wonder why I don't reply. I want to be challenged. If one can not come up with something creative to say on a webpage how creative can you possibly be in real life? It was not meant as a hateful journal entry rather a challenge to step up and do better (if of course you want my attention). 


3/11/2013 1:15:05 PM

Honestly, the one liner messages and profiles that say absolutely nothing about the person are such the norm here. Is there not one ounce of creativity and originality on this site? 

And WTF is with every guy having a pic of a lion? Why can't guys take a creative photo of themselves or hire someone to do so? The extra wide shot in front of the majestic mountain, beach, and skyline is so cliche and I can't see what you look like so what exactly is the point? If you want to post a majestic scenic photo that is awesome go for it but don't put it as a profile photo. 

Come on put a little effort and money into this. Why on earth would I want to be submissive to someone who can't make the effort on a website. 


3/11/2013 9:22:19 AM
Photo:
 

3/7/2013 12:47:47 PM

My self analysis continues and some days it becomes so clear. Erotic pain is quite difficult to comprehend unless it is something inside you that won't go away and when you finally do get it is truly an addicitive endorphine high like no other. Contrary to the intense chaotic experience happening to you and around you, the pain actually settles me down. It realxes me as my brain focuses on the singular sensation. It is similar to pranyama or meditation as it forces my busy mind to concentrate on only one thing. There is no way I am thinking about cleaning the house, grocery shopping, or any other mundane activity when I am being challenged in such a physical way. I only want to think about the pain and its sensation in my body. Yes, it is an oxymoron how can something that hurts so much feel so damn good?! But it does........


2/20/2013 6:29:07 PM

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."



-Anais Nin


2/9/2013 3:18:31 PM
I modified this from a letter a yoga teacher sent to his hot yoga students. Hmm.... Yoga and BDSM so amazingly similar. "I know my voice is loud. My voice is one of the best tools I have to help you. With my volume, my intonation, my words, I want you to hear just how much I care about you. No, you can not talk. I want you to learn to listen to yourself: your breath, your heart, your true thoughts. You must stay still so you can let go of all distractions and connect to the process. I am not correcting you because I think badly of your effort. I know your body is aching and you have been through a lot in your life. Knowing all of these things makes me want to help you even more. And the best way I know how to help you, is to teach you to the best of your ability. I promise your best is enough. It?s okay to feel emotional. This is a safe space, we?ve all been there. Remember, sometimes your body hangs on to your emotions even when the mind has released them. Just cry if you need to. Come back. You did well today. Remember the worst thing is to have never tried. I can?t wait for you to see how this will change your life and I am here to help you every step of the way. Love, your teacher "

2/7/2013 2:30:37 PM

 

"Not impressed.  I also know you've left 45 long ago..."

This is for the NON gentleman man who just sent that rather rude message. Perhaps, he has not viewed my photos. Perhaps he should, but then I am sure he would accuse me of them being fake as well. It is such a shame to have to emasculate you as your writing is quite eloquent and you have a very sexy photo as well.  Ironically, yesterday, while holding handstands in yoga class(without the wall) the man next to me asked me how I got so good at holding handstands. I replied, "I practice them everyday in between sets lifting at the gym and I used to be a competitive gymnast from 8 to 16 years old. Then I laughed and said. "but that was then and well I am 45 now" 

The guy almost fell over on his mat and said he would have guessed 32. That is sweaty with no makeup on. Just saying. Why the fuck would I lie about my age????? Or the pictures, or anything else for that matter. Have a great day y'all!!! :) 

 


2/2/2013 11:42:50 AM

From the self is born this Prana. Just as there can be this shadow when a man is there, so this Prana is fixed on the self. He comes to this body owing to the actions of the mind.

                                            -Prasna Upanisad III.3          


2/1/2013 7:25:53 PM

"Ah, my sense of ******* to this point.  All her life, she has excelled.  She is creative above all else. Intelligent and a perfectionist to a point.  An impeccable dresser, and fitness freak who is insanely fit and committed to it.  On the outside she is an emotional rock, strong, sturdy and unflappable. But in the quiet of darkness, she needs, deeply, to be loved, to be use, to be owned, directed, to please, for she is a submissive through and through.  She pleases with her mind, body, soul, culinary talents, and deep unbridled emotion.  Without creativity and fabulous,mind-blowing sex, she would wither on the parched plain of vanilla life.  On the outside, she needs no man. yet, on the inside, she does, but not just any man, she needs one who can take her by the hand, hair, neck, or am and inflict the lightest or harshest of pain as an amplifier of the pleasure that is to come. Spiritually, she is strong and a leader.  This strength fills all the pools of her life and gives her the strength to submit and to crave it.   No, I'm not making this up ********. I FEEL all of this from you in your words.  If I am off the mark, tell me. I don't mean to read into this question, but it is the sense I have of you to this point, unbridled, raw and to the point."


After days of playing 20 questions, txting, and phone tag which eventually ends in no follow thru by the man, at least I am left with a brilliant recapitulation to share that is a fairly accurate description of me.  Enjoy! 


2/1/2013 3:05:44 PM
vap?id /ˈvapid/ Adjective Offering nothing that is stimulating or challenging: "tuneful but vapid musical comedies". Synonyms insipid - flat - tasteless - dull

1/26/2013 12:37:35 PM

"For behind all seen things lies something vaster as everything is but a path, a portal, or a window opening on something more than itself" 

-Antoine de Saint-Exupery


1/25/2013 12:10:42 PM

In Taosim, the principle of yin and yang is displayed as black and white “halves” of a divided circle.  The light, white yang side moves up as the dark, black yin moves down flowing together to create a natural balance. Each contains the seed of the other, which is why we see a black spot of Yin in the white Yang and vice versa. They do not merely replace each other but actually become each other through the constant flow of the universe. They are opposites but equal, mutual but interdependent, as a pair they complete the circle of life.

It occurred to me that this gigantic, perfervid, bifurcation of my being is the essence of my daily struggle to define and balance myself. Yes, the yoga, the Pranayama, and the Ayurveda help with the balancing but truely, it is far more encompassing as it is BDSM in its most simple form.

THE DOMINANT:                                      THE SUBMISSIVE:

Yang                                                       Yin

Day                                                        Night

Masculine                                               Feminine                                                                     Male                                                       Female 

Dark                                                      Light

Pingala Nadi                                           Ida Nadi 

Hot                                                        Cool

Highest form is boiling                            Highest form is freezing

Fire                                                       Water

Hard                                                      Soft

Heaven                                                 Earth

The element of light                              The element of darkness

White side energy (light color)               Black side energy DU(dark color)

Sun                                                      Moon

Brightness                                            Shade

Top end of the scale                              Bottom end of the scale

Controlling                                            Passive

Toughness                                           Gentleness

Strong sex drive                                   Subtle urges

Aggressive                                           Submissive

Type A                                                 Type B

Descending                                          Ascending

Exterior- Muscles                                 Interior-Organs

Qi or Prana energy                               Bodily Fluids

Back                                                    Front

Dryness                                               Dampness

Right                                                    Left

Activity                                                Rest

Loud/talkative                                     Weak voice

Internally controlled                            Externally controlled

 Within light there is darkness, 
but do not try to understand that darkness. Within darkness there is light,
 but do not look for that light. When the light and the darkness have successful intercourse and achieve harmony all things will be produced. 


1/21/2013 8:20:59 AM

We forsake our health. We eat junkfood. We sit in front of the television for hours. We ignore our most important relationships. We pacify ourselves with stuff. We go into debt. We refuse to do difficult work for fear of failure. We imbibe in ephemeral indulgences that leave us fat on the outside and empty inside.

Perhaps, that is why "we" are here???

This is NOT why I am here. 

 

1/11/2013 1:48:26 PM

I spotted this @ CES and it resonated with me

 

WHEN YOU BELIEVE MORE, YOU SLEEP LESS 

 

 


1/7/2013 9:48:55 AM

I saw this on a yoga site this morning and thought it was highly appropos. And yes, the double entendre is quite intentional.


The only freedom, is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable!


1/5/2013 4:23:44 PM

So, have any men on this site ever wished they could really hear what a woman is thinking at any given moment? (like that silly Mel Gibson movie)

Here is what perpetrated my mind this morning:

 8 am @ a little mom & pop coffee shop as I try to avoid Starbucks simply on principle. I am standing in line salivating over the most gorgeous ass on this man in a perfectly fitted pair of jeans, glasses, salt and pepper hair, grey chucks, and a leather jacket. 

Me wearing my glasses, jeans, navy chucks, and yup a leather jacket. 

"Maybe I should accidentally brush my hand across that perfect ass and make a comment about his great taste in foot ware" LOL

"Fuck, why won't he turn around and make a hot yet highly inappropriate sexual comment. I know he saw me as he turned around and smiled when I got in the queue. Damn it shy guys suck."

"I am really glad I am wearing a leather jacket as no one has any idea I am squeezing my left nipple like crazy" 

"Shit, why can't I be pinned against the wall in that back hallway by the ladies room and HE be torturing my nipple?"

"FUCK that!  better yet, why can't he just turn around not say a damn word grab me by the wrist drag me into the ladies room, lock the door, whip off his belt, bind my hands behind my back, and fuck me silly on the sink? Why, why why can't shit like that ever happen to me?"

"Miss Miss can I help you? Miss"

"Yes, oh sorry yes may I have a chai latte with almond milk please." 

To myself - "damn this is not Bali and you will not be getting almond milk but some GMO Monsanto corn fed steroid induced cow milk and you will like it gauwd damn it even if it does eventually kill you" - LOL 


1/4/2013 8:19:10 AM

Mom- "Why can't you get married, have children, and live in the suburbs like everyone else"

Me- "I don't know Mom. I just need to travel, to feel, to be. Travel constantly presents a new way of viewing things. It takes me out of my comfort zone, keeps me off balance, and forces me to trust strangers. It's challenging"

Mom- "Don't date men like that. Be a good girl. Be a nice girl"

Me-(to myself) "Oh but I am a GOOD girl. I lower my eyes, I crawl on my knees, and I say please, may I, and thank you" ;)


12/29/2012 9:14:48 AM

So, perhaps I have mistakenly given off a bit of the wrong vibe. My initial impression of this site was ten to twelve pages of emails of which an inordinate proportion was quite negative and hateful. That seems to have tapered off and I am neither jaded, angry, nor pissed off. Just continuing on my journey. 

I have been told, I do not have the vernacular figured out and yes, this is probably true as indeed I am a neophyte. But, I can't continue to deny what I feel, want, and crave. I don't know if I am looking for a D/S full time luv affair or a part time thing. It would seem reasonable that something casual may develop into something serious, although I know there are people on this site looking for many different types of arrangements. I am open to exploring various options but I do know, I have a career that I want to keep that involves a great deal of travel. That being said, I am able to live anywhere in the world as long as there is a major airport within a reasonable distance and my future plans do include living abroad(in a very warm place) a few months a year to avoid the brutal North American winters. If that is a deal breaker for you so be it. 

Happy searching.

Peace & Namaste 


12/28/2012 12:39:40 AM

A bit of midnight poetry for any yogis out there:

Ode to heat:
I used to try and wipe you away, brush you away, shake you away, away, away from me. I was repulsed by you, threatened by you, perhaps even a bit scared of you. 
Alas, I know better now, as I embrace you, desire, you, celebrate you as you roam freely over me.
Drenching, dripping, soaking, my bones, my skin, my hair, my muscles, AND my mind with your energy and your power. 
Meager tangible remnants remain as proof of your strength, as I fold up the dripping yoga mat and towel, but my heart knows and my mind knows your poignant fortitude that keeps me craving you again and again. 

12/14/2012 10:35:03 PM

Wow Apparently the site does work in Indonesia. And yet another batch of hate mail. Wow, This time called a bitch as I apparently did not reply quickly enough. Many many people with anger management issues here - SAD


12/14/2012 2:23:10 PM

OK sports fans, I am almost 100% sure this site is banned in Indonesia as I know porn is and this is my 3rd time to Bali this year - yup no jerking off to BDSM porn just yoga and cleansing for ten days. Have a wonderful holiday Peace & Namaste PS not really sure why men on this site feel compelled to write nasty and unkind things. i am very thick skinned so I just laugh it off but if I am not your cup of tea so be it. I am not trying to fit into some silly mold. Funny, if I come across a post that is not my thing, I don't feel a need to write and berate the author nor do I have that much time on my hands. Let's not judge people. Think about it!


12/14/2012 6:51:25 AM
Further pondering on a sleepless night, which I have often, as I am jet lagged to all hell half way around the world if that answers your question. - so because I am discriminating and intelligent that make me incapable of having a bdsm relationship and being submissive? -because I do not want to be a live in maid and full time slave and relocate to god forsaken fuckville Missouri, Iowa, or Montana make me a fake???? -is this "lifestyle" not accessible to someone who is only attracted to height weight proportional people who honor their bodies as temples and therefore take care of them. This seems very ironic to me as the Dom wants to seemingly worship/punish my body but can't take care of his own???? -and for gauwd sake why the fuck would I post fake pics??? I have precious little time as is and I am not here to play games!!!!!!

12/14/2012 2:39:06 AM

So forgive me as as I continue to tweak and retweak a profile written for a vanilla dating site where one would never dare to be so bold and blunt. I am not looking for a "slave" relationship. I am a business woman and will continue to be regardless of my sexual affairs. I travel a great deal all over the world that is me and that is what I like to do and it will most likely not change anytime soon. I don't know if I am looking for a one on one full time relationship. I just got out of a horrible twelve year relationship so I am quite hesitant on rebounding right back into another one even if it were a bdsm type of arrangement. TBD regarding this. I have never been married that is stated in my profile. I don't have children, don't want children, and don't want to be hampered by anyone else's children. There is nothing worse than being cock blocked because so and so's eight year old has an ear infection. Heartless, I know but just not my scene. My profile, I know, is a bit over the top, but I suppose you can take that as a challenge. I need the entire pkg - the verbal, physical, mental, and intellectual game. I am a type A over achiever everyday and I want nothing to do with that when I leave work. I am a bit of a smart ass because I know the consequences of being such with the right person. I need to be creatively and cerebrally challenged on a regular basis both in life and in the bedroom.


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MissKatyxxx
 
 Age: 29
  North Carolina