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Hi, i've am collared as well as married to my Master, but i don't want to take down my ad. i'm the involved in local bdsm club scene here in central AR, if Y/you are interested in information about it, please contact me. i am not looking for a personal relationship at this time, thank you.
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welllll, it's been a long time since i've updated here. Life has been super good to me this year. i'm still with Master Sanndman...we've been together for 1.5 +years now. The group that i'm the default leader of is still going, although not real strong right now. Summer usually lends to ppl doing other things, so hopefully when school starts back and summer is over, things will look up. If Y/you're in the Central AR area and looking to meet real ppl in the lifestyle (not a meet and beat thing, just getting together with r/t lifestyle folks) then lemme know and i'll get You the link. |
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Another Christmas came and went, and this was the first time i've been in my sister's home since she found out and confronted me about my life. my nephew didn't seem any different to me. i could tell my sister just was putting all this on a back burner. She has yet to talk about it to me since that initial time so she still has the same ideas she had before on it. i'm not sure she'd be willing to let me talk about it or not, but it's her loss on thinking one thing and it not being true. i'm a Christian, myself, but she is calling herself one too. Although it may sound like i'm judging her by saying this, but she has judged me and apparently i am not up to her standards anymore. my children have moved to another state and are doing well, and the only thing that is keeping me here is my father. i'm afraid if i leave here, i would not come back, and it'd be the last time i'll see him, sooo, moving is not an option right now. |
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Well, Master and i have been together for a year now, from when we met. We are calling New Years our anniversary, cause that's when he collared me and we became exclusive to one another, no other dating. Things are still grand. |
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i just realized i haven't updated in quite a while. Everything is going wonderfully for me. Life is good, can't complain at all right now. |
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Well, i've recently been collared. i don't want to take down my ad completely, cause of the group information on there. But please feel free to contact me about the group, if you want to. |
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Well, it's been a very long time since i've updated my journal. my sister found out about my lifestyle and is devastated by it. i'm not sure how i feel about that. It's like she's never really been a part of my life in the past, and when she was, she was extremely critical and couldn't hold a confidence, so i really never talked to her about things. Now she's invaded my privacy, i almost feel like i've been emotionally raped, very violated that she has invaded me so, and won't even listen to what i try to say. She is the one that says she's been hurt by my lifestyle, but without talking to me, or getting to know what or why i do what i do, she's only got the vanilla world's view on things. i'm hurt because she won't trust my judgement and realize that i'm as safe, or safer, in this lifestyle than just about anywhere else i've been. i have to get on with my life, and try to make myself happy, which i am very very happy with the friends i've made in this life. This year, turning 50, has been a huge emotional toll on me. This year i have had to learn to live alone for the first time ever in my life. i've always had parents or kids around until this past year. Friends are great, but at the end of the day, when you are ready to go to bed, it's the pits having to be alone. i guess i'm being prepared for something/ someone, or am bound (lol, did i say bound???) to be alone. i'm alot better now than i was though, about being alone, lol, but to share life with someone would be soooo much better. |
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i just hosted my first play party last night among my group friends. i asked a friend to make me a St Andrew's cross and he did! it's great. i am still full of hope that He will contact me, whoever He is. i'm turning 50 next weekend, and am totally full of emotions about it, good and bad. i have to give myself some positive self talk that i'm only getting better and still learning whatever i need to be able to serve Master Right. But it's so easy to slip into the pity party of being alone, i reallly have to work on the good self talk sometimes, because i'm not really alone, i have some wonderful wonderful friends, lots of them in fact, and they take care of me....ok i'm rambling here, i'm gone, lol. |
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Welllll, apparently i lied about the house having minor problems. The HVAC unit was bad from the first day i bought the house, but it's allll better now. Realll long story. But i have a friend that is building me a cross for my dungeon room, and i'm hosting my first party here this weekend. Should be quite interesting, hehe. But that's why i haven't been here is that i've been working on the house. Hmmmm, remember the joke about the man looking for a woman with the bass boat? and he asks for a picture of the bass boat??? LOL, makes me wonder if pics of my dungeon will make a difference! hehe, just kidding. Life is good, friends make it so. |
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This is wierd, trying to change my font on here, and it won't let me, even my stupid journal is domming me!! LOL Oh well.....life is good, sorry i haven't been here for a while. i have moved, bought a house. And besides having some minor problems with it, it's going to be a great place! i even have a room i'm going to devote to being a play room, although i'll have to be able to deperv it if i have family or vanilla friends over, so that is going to take a little extra planning to fix it just right :) Been on a couple of meet people meetings, have met a couple of nice Doms that will be friends, but no chemistry yet. Sooo, the search is still on, well, maybe not a search, but more like the wait is still on, cause at this point life is good, i'm not in any hurry. |
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i really appreciate my friends that keep other people that are out of the loop informed about my business here. i'm still happy, and not gonna play those games. |
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Well, again i thought i'd found the possibility of Master Right...a 3 year friend. Well we tried on the possible romance aspect of our relationship and both of us felt like we were with our friend rather than our lover/etc. Sooo, i'm baaccckk. i'm available again. i haven't given up.....maybe i'm an idiot, but i haven't given up. |
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Well, i haven't written in a while. i'm still disillusioned about Dom's in general. i really thought that this lifestyle was supposed to be different from the vanilla world, and that Dom's said what they meant, and meant what they said. That there was supposed to be honor, integrity, responsibility and loyalty in this lifestyle. i'm naive in the vanilla world to an extent, and i guess i am in the BDSM world too. There are very few that have proven that i'm wrong on that. i try to be what i am all the time, i'm not perfect by any means, but if i say i'm gonna do something, i bend over backwards to get it done, or at least let someone know the reason why i didn't. i'm also disillusioned in that i know of three couples that were very into the D/s lifestyle in the last year and a half that have broken up. All over a cheating spouse, that's soooo vanilla, but still happened. Makes me wonder if a real D/s relationship can ever really happen and be a lifemate. i hope someone can prove me wrong. |
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Why do people not do what they say??? Three different Dom's have told me they like what i am saying to them, and make plans to contact me back, and then don't follow thru. If they don't like me, or what i'm saying why don't they have the balls to say so. i mean these were first conversations with these Doms. An IM even if i'm offline that says "i've thought more about our conversation, and you just aren't what i'm looking for" woud be nice, no problems, no questions asked. But not knowing, and wondering, and waiting, that gets worrisome, and then gets me all downhearted, kicking me in my selfesteem again. Oh well, if they can't even keep their word to do a simple thing like come back when they say they are going to, it's best found out early. |
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Things are going well for me right now. i have the comfort of a lot of great friends. Getting myself into a more positive attitude. Been talking to some really neat new people. Been being scened by very dear Dom friends, to keep my head on straight, lol, so i don't go out making stupid mistakes. So things are kinda status quo right now. i still get down at times, cause i'm sooo tired of being alone, but i'd rather be alone, than with the wrong one. |
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What a great weekend!! i went to see a friend couple that i know, to help them start their new group in an area that sure needed one. The Dom scened me the night of the party, but then the next day, he picked up on my still having emotional pain from my previous relationship. He took me back down to the dungeon space, which we were going anyway to finish cleaning it back up, and worked me very very hard, hardest i've ever been scened/worked, to help me cry things out. What a catharsis!! i feel a lot better today!!! Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. |
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Things are going well for the most part right now. Have had to do some serious positive self talk. Kinda got down and was questioning myself and my judgment in people. But live and learn. i do try to learn from my mistakes for sure, or else i'd be making the same mistakes over and over again. i have decided, though, that i'm going to stick closer to home in trying to find Master Right. i think that may have been part of what was going on with me with the relationship i was just in, i was dealing with the thoughts of leaving everything i have known all of my entire life, and that was very troubling to me. i am just not sure i could leave my home, my family, my friends, my work, my all. At least on the positive note on that, i have at least identified that. So onward and forward. |
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Had a good weekend, went to a munch play party, and it was sooo good to be with my friends. Was quite uplifting, as i have still been kinda down recently. Got some good reinforcement that makes me have more comfort in the recent decisions that have been made. Anyway, onward to the rest of my life!! |
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i'm back now. Thought i'd met Master Right but we decided mutually that we weren't matching well enough for 24/7, so i'm back. |
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Wellllll, i'm finally able to read messages, with no word from the support folks telling me they fixed it. Oh welll, at least it works now.
My friend that got released earlier, her Master said that he did that in anger and was wrong, and they are back together, however, he busted her trust level down to 0 with that move. But at least she's ok for now.
But now it's time for bed, so now that i can get messages, i can see what's up now. i apologize for any previous messages that i didn't get to answer, because of this problem. |
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Well, after a day's work, i can finally get in here and write something. One of my best friends just called me and her Master has just released her, so i'm a bit out of sorts right now cause of it. It's certainly been a Monday for sure! Makes me wonder if it's a full moon. Everyone i have talked to or had contact with today has either had something wrong or been a total grouch. It's hard to stay positive and upbeat that way, but i give it my all to do it.
i can't figure out this thing though. i am being sent messages, it seems, but then when i click on it, nothing opens but for me to be able to see the profile of who sent it. No actual message. Sooo, i'm gonna keep working thru this thing and see if i can learn it. Not sure how it works yet. |
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This is my first entry, it's 7am, and i found this site. This is simply getting started, will do more later. |
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