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Dear reader,
there are a lot of potential people out there that are just like us. On this site and elsewhere, really when you think about it. The lifestyle of BDSM isn't well known nor well publicized and those who live it don't really have a lot of places to go. To meet people who need this just like they do. Internet is probably the riskiest places to take that step, especially for those that are extremely serious. You can't read people as well or say the things on impulse that you might need to.
Am I serious?
To be honest yea. But also to be frank I'm scared. I'm pretty well damn scared and have been closed off from the site a good time in the past because I have been so sure about this. But I've also been afraid that I shouldn't do this, that maybe it's easier if you just carry on. It isn't. Still scared of if I was doing the right thing, of if this was the right choice, always following the thoughts "if I hold on a bit longer than this will go away."
I'm running in circles and getting no where just to keep running another day. One of my friends once told me running doesn't get you anywhere.
If I ever chose to pursue this life style I wouldn't be doing what my family or those I know want or believe. Or society, or even how society has reflected on BDSM in general. In fact I'd probably leave it all behind. For me control and sex isn't about pleasure of fantasy. I think to be frank if someone came in and started trying to charm me I'd be unsure of just why they were here to begin with. For me at least the life isn't about having someone to hook up with particularly someone who wants to have this kinky or great sex life, it's about necessity. Is rape or sex involved, absolutely. But I think in a lot of ways I'd be doing this as much for me as someone else. I'm a male to begin with, or well, transexual. It's something I've been sure on for a good deal, been that way just as this way my whole life.
I want to do something with my life. More than that I feel as if by doing this I can reach people, maybe I can be the perfect pet or slave or whatever you might personally call it. While under this sort of influence I became whatever the person, my "master", wanted me to be. I know my script might not imply it, but I am absolutely a transgendered which in terms basically means I'm mentally and more than anything wish to physically be a guy. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transman) And when my profile says I'm gay it means I lean more towards men as well.
There's a lot I don't know about the future but I do know that if I ever do pursue this life I need to face up to it and jump right into it. Like diving into ice water you have to do just do it instead of worrying or biding your time or putting it off. I'm 18, almost out of high school and admit to having tried pursing the life style at least for a while.
I know that sounds young, but I know who I am by this point and know just what has to be done. I'm deep enough to realize this isn't a one shot deal and know enough to realize there's no turning back.
I'm not sure of what would happen but I know the risks, even fatalities, the truth, the realism involved. Just like for the dominant this is a life style I just frankly could not go on forever without being. I don't want to divulge in fantasy or be charmed or play make believe. I don't want just friends or people who find this whole thing interesting and figure they'll experiment with. Just like a lot of you I feel trapped inside of it or maybe trapped here without it. I don't care what you do to me as long as it's real and as long as you're serious on the long term and realize I'm...not a girl. I apologize for that, but it's not something I can change. Age isn't an issue really, and I can make exceptions, although I'm not sure I'd be alright with your interest in me soully based on my own age or physical gender. I think a lot of this life style is deeper than that.
Though as for the life style or type of master you are, I honestly don't care as long as you're happy, as long as you do what you need for release and living and as long as I help you. If you can be real and not hold back, that's absolutely all I ask for. Don't be afraid to contact me.
My name's Nick, by the way. And if you're serious too, I'd really like to hear from you. I'm sorry if I or you aren't what each other is looking for, but I'll try to respond the best I can. I can't promise I'll be what you expect on first contact, but please let me know if you're willing to take me in.
As it is and as I've mentioned if I dive into this, I wouldn't be returning to my former life or family. I think in a lot of ways this life style is an entirely different life of it's own and...maybe should be treated that way too...
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