12/3/2023 7:08:00 PM: As we approach the end of another year, I think most of us look ahead to the next one. This year has been one of my worst but there are things to be proud of.- I managed to remain in chastity for another whole year. - I made some really good friends. - I found a new dominant which is why I haven't been around much.   Sadly, the new dominant I'd started playing with was just that, play. So I'm setting myself a goal for 2024.I want to serve a dominant next year in person. I want to be kneeling in front of them and offering myself to them. For too long I've wasted time by holding off on committing to a dominant until I began hormones, a little ashamed of my body not representing the person I am and want to develop into.So, any dominant out there who are willing to look past the physical limitations of not having my surgeries planned yet, there's a sub out here looking for a relationship with a dom. I'm happy to serve any gender of dominant.That's my goal. Let's see if I achieve it in 2024.

7/8/2023 7:58:40 PM: I don't know how this'll go down, where I'll go from here but I got some bad news today. My new GP actively cancelled my referral to the Gender Identity Service (GIDS) because apparently I show none of the markers or indicators for gender dysphoria despite presenting as a gender different to the sex which I was born. So, I may disappear from the site. I don't want to mislead people. I believe myself to be trans, no I know i'm trans, but getting official acceptance of that is provng difficult. So, to anyone reading my profile I know that I'm trans but the NHS has actively prevented me from beginning my medical transition after a two-year wait.

4/16/2023 4:49:59 PM: Finding the happyI don't know if people who aren't trans can relate to this, but one of the benefits of transition is beginning to see your body in the way that you always thought you should. Seeing your body resemble the way you feel inside.There's a simple reminder of my transition that never fails to make me smile. If I happen to glance downwards, sometimes I'll catch a glimpse of my budding breasts and with the help of a padded bra they look good. It is the moments when I catch a sight of them and double take. It's still slightly unexpected to see my breasts so when I catch them I smile. This is who I am now.You know the extra benefit of it? They're real tender and nipple clamps...wowser they're fun.

2/16/2023 7:06:17 PM: Dealing with DysphoriaI recently had a bad experience with a really catty woman in a nearby town that left me looking anything but my best and questioning my transition. For those that don't know being trans in the UK is extremely difficult. On one hand you've got GPs that is doctors who actively stand between you and your transition. I've had some literally refuse to refer me to the right NHS services. I've had others suggest I should get counselling. I've had a few others be encouraging. I don't know if it's common for every trans person but with every little struggle or set back I question if I'm really trans. There are so many situations in which I feel like a fraud, like I can't be a 'proper' trans person. Maybe instead I'm just a crossdresser or maybe something entirely different. Maybe I should just revert and give up on transition altogether. For those that don't know there is this thing known as purging. A person questioning their gender identity will often revert back to their previous unhappy state and try to mask. For me in the early days it mean throwing or burning some really cute outfits. Fortunately, I'm past this stage.Sadly, the catty woman in question pulled a chunk of my hair out and it will take a while to grow back. So, I'm in a vulnerable place right now where the dysphoria is really kicking in. Here's the good thing though...even though my brain is flooded with these thoughts There is nothing I appreciate more than those moments when I walk through a town and I don't get a second look. Those moments when I 'pass'. When I confidently stride along in my heels more skillfully than many naturally born women. When I look at myself and know for certain, I'm on the path to having my body look the way I feel it should. When I can look at myself and appreciate that I have done it. I'm on the other side of hormonal and medical transition. I doubt the overthinking and the intrusive thoughts will ever go away but in an odd way, the catty woman pulling my hair out made me even more sure than ever before.I am trans. My name is Tara, I am transitioning to the feminine me that I always should have been. I'm not just a crossdresser. I'm not a sissy. I'm not a transvestite. There's nothing wrong if you identify as any of those. But I don't I'm more sure than ever before.

5/2/2022 8:45:00 AM: Being a bored submissive I woke today with my thong having worked its way halfway up my bum. Peeling it off, I rolled out of bed and dressed. I'm not going anywhere today but still chose to dress nicely. Stockings, thong, underbust corset, nice flippy skirt black dress and my usual necklace which I never remove. After breakfast and a morning wash I applied my makeup and did my hair. What to do with my day though?I did all my household chores yesterday, and I'm not in work today. Returning to the bedroom I pulled my largest buttplug from my drawer. A few moments of working it in and my plug is in. Then I had a choice, thin leather, padded leather, or metal cuffs and collar? I went with my thin leather cuffs and collar. A few practiced flicks and I'm now wearing cuffs that have been locked on. A few more and there are now chains linking my ankles, and chains linking my wrists. On hands and knees I reach into my toybox and pull out my largest dildo. Popping some earbuds in and some music on I get to work sucking that thing like my life depends on it. I'm on my knees, my hips wiggling for their lives, and my tongue flicking around the shaft as I try to take it deeper and deeper. I'm no good at deep throat and want to get better, so I'm practicing to be able to take it further in. I'm gagging, and drooling, my eyes begin to water and I'm curious what my makeup will look like when I'm done. Twenty minutes later my phone alarm beeps and I've done my practice. I keep going for just a little longer, slowly backing the dildo out of my mouth before licking and kissing the head. I pop the dildo in my cleaning box [a box where I put my toys to be cleaned] grabbing a bottle of toy cleaner and cleaning it.While in the bathroom I take the time to change the pad in my panties. I've taken to wearing really small pads to keep the mess that leaks from my chastity cage sometimes from ruining good panties and thongs. All through this I feel the buttplug doing its work inside me. I'm really fired up and so very horny, but my chastity cage keeps my former manhood tightly controlled. God I wish that I didn't have this thing sometimes. I close my eyes, imagining sliding my fingers up a pussy, my pussy. I bite my lip and reach a sneaky hand to my breast. It's still very small and I'm desperate for them to grow.I decide that I'm being too tempted to play with myself so return to the bedroom, clean dildo in hand and pull my bondage hood from the toy box. Taking a moment to rearrange my chains, I pull the thick black leather hood over my head. Gathering up my hair into a ponytail as I do this. First I pull the laces as tight as I can. Then three leather straps to buckle and lock. My earbuds are still in so I when this playlist of music finishes it should have been about an hour. I pad my hand around blindly for the toy box and the padlocks. Taking a few my hand returns again for a key and a short length of chain. I clip the chain to the central ring on my collar. I double check it reaches the buckles before locking the padlocks on the hood. Relinking my wrists with the chain I stand. I'm thankful at this point of two things. I'm wearing cute little ballet flats this morning and not heels. Second, I live in a flat so there are no stairs. I've done this before of course, I make my way over to the liiving area I have. I drop to my hands and knees and pad around looking for the rug. When I find it I lay down here. Through my mind flies loads of thoughts. At first it's what if someone came into my flat right now? They'd find me, vulnerable, locked, horny. What if it was my landlord. I've never met him, but imagine that being the first time we met? My hips begin to grind against thin air again. Oh if only I had someone here to do naughty things to me, or to make me do naughty things to them.It's not long before my mind starts wandering to other things. I hate this part of being hooded. I start to think about recent conversations with people on this site and others. In creep doubts and worries. What if I'm rubbish at communicating?I'm lost deep in a ramble of thoughts and mental weeds as the music on my phone ends. I unlick my wrists, and reach for the key on the chain at my collar. I reach it round and one by one unlock all three straps binding this hood on my head. I always begin to start breathing deeper now. A sense of panic needs to be surpressed and I need to calm myself to slowly loosen the lacing on the hood.Off comes the hood and I'm breathing fresh air again. I head back to the bedroom and get yet more toy cleaner for the smudged makeup on the inside of my hood. The buttplug is getting very irritating now too. Time to lube it again. I decide to relube the plug first which I'm glad of with how dry it is. Then I clean up my hood before replacing it in my toybox and reapplying my makeup. Lunchtime. What to do for lunch? I've committed to a day in bondage so I'm not going out. I decide to make this kinky day more kinky, I'm going to have to suck off my dildo again. Lipstick once more smeared over the dildo, I make myself a salad and eat it while planning out some new kinky stories. It's been a long time since I've written so I'm going to start again I think. After lunch, I return to my toybox for a vibrator wand. I plug it in, sit down and open my laptop. I always write kinky stories best when aroused. I can feel every inch of myself bursting to orgasm, but know that it's not going to happen. I still haven't been able to do much more than leak from the chastity cage. Even with advice I've not been able to sissygasm. I really wish I could. I spend about three hour writing three new chapters of a kinky story though I only lastest with the vibrator sitting between my cage and my buttplug for about half an hour. By the time I'm finished I'm still horny. I reach down the front of my panties and rub the dripping caged flesh I find there. Bringing my hand to my lips I suck on the sweet precum taste.I head to the bathroom to sort myself, lube up my buttplug once more, taking the time to use the toilet while the plug is out, and then reinsert it. Looking at the clock it's only 2pm. What do I do with the rest of my day?Well, for one, I wrote this lovely journal entry and part two will come tomorrow.Until then, thanks for reading you lovely people.Tara xox