Submission versus slavery... how many times has the difference been discussed? Probably far too many. None the less, there remains only the fuzziest distinction across the BDSM community. Is person X a submissive or a slave, and does it really matter? Perhaps it doesn't matter, but only through a common understanding of terms can we communicate effectively. While far from a definitive reference (there may never be broad consensus across the community), this article presents my personal lexicon of submission, servitude, slavery, and surrender as they relate to BDSM relationships. Throughout, I'll explain why and how these four S's are related.

Note the arrows in the diagram above. I propose that there is a natural progression from submission to slavery to surrender, and that slavery is in fact the melding of submission and servitude. What do I mean by progression? First, that one must progress from left to right in the context of a given relationship. Second, that the stages increase along several dimensions from left to right, as will be discussed below. Note that this does not indicate a hierarchy of "better." Objectively, there is one best stage for a given person in a particular relationship at a single point in time. We'll cover some foundation before we discuss the phases themselves.

The Basics of Submission

Dominance and submission, one of three primary domains within BDSM, deals with the consensual exchange of power. At a fundamental level, submission is the relinquishment of some level of power and control of one's person to another person. One who relinquishes power is a submissive. The complimentary recipient of this power is a dominant. As we'll see, there are levels to which power may be exchanged and often boundaries on the exchange itself.

Power Exchange

Power exchange is the underpinning of submission, and is easily defined but a bit harder to specify. Definition: the consensual granting of power and control over one's person to another person. Power exchange is specified by consensual agreement, is typically constrained by limits and relationship parameters, and may be inclusive or exclusive.

Both parties must agree to the specific boundaries and parameters of the exchange in their relationship, thus consenting for either a) a specified period of time, b) an unspecified period until consent is withdrawn, or c) an unspecified period without the right to withdraw consent. These are the three possible durations of consent.

Two types of boundaries exist in power exchanges. Limits represent an explicit agreement between dominant and submissive that they will not engage in specified activities. Relationship parameters, the broader context provided by the overall relationship, inherently limit the exchange according to both parties preferences or needs. Examples: "we will not do play piercing" is a limit, while "we exchange power only during scenes" is a relationship parameter.

Inclusive power exchange defines the activities that may be pursued, while exclusive defines those that may not. This is a critical distinction, since the range of possible activities in BDSM is nearly limitless. In an exclusive relationship where no limit is defined for X, doing X is the dominant's discretion. This is not true in an inclusive relationship… activities for which specific consent has not been granted are out of bounds.

Four Stages

The remainder of this article defines submission, servitude, slavery, and surrender according to the key characteristics of each stage. In my lexicon, to be "at" a stage, every key characteristic must be met. For example, a submissive may exhibit a very broad or even total power exchange, but, without the characteristics of servitude, total obedience, and ownership, is not a slave. Additionally, each level builds on those to the left of it, as indicated in the key characteristics.

(Dealing, of course, with the narrow definition as a stage)

Key characteristics: power exchange, obedience, respect, trust

Some level of power exchange is absolutely necessary for submission to exist, as this exchange is the fundamental basis thereof. Any combination of characteristics may define the exchange… inclusive or exclusive, any duration to consent, any number of limits or parameters. The power exchanged by a submissive can range from very limited to total.

Within the boundaries of this exchange, the submissive makes a basic commitment to obey the dominant. Obedience is typically not (but can be) total at the submission stage. There may be a thought process preceding the decision to obey, and obedience is not necessarily a given.

It should be readily apparent that respect and trust are requirements for submission, and every other stage except servitude. As this seems widely recognized, it will just be noted here.

Key characteristics: proactive giving, happiness through others, selflessness.

Proactive giving is an active pursuit of opportunities to serve another person without expectation of reciprocation… service for the sake of service itself. While a person that is submissive will follow orders to serve, the service-oriented person continually pursues ways to better serve their partner. This characteristic can usually be observed in a service-oriented person outside the context of BDSM relationships as well.

The service-oriented person derives some of their own happiness from the happiness they create for someone else. While others aren't their sole source of joy, this is often a primary one.

Selflessness is lowering the priority of one's own wants in favor of someone else's. It is an unconscious behavior by the service-oriented person, and can be a concern when taken to an extreme. Due to selflessness, the service-oriented person may have difficulty asking for things from their partner.

I believe that servitude is an inherent need in some people, whether born or bred. It is an orientation. While it's certainly possible for someone without this need to act in a service-oriented manner, this probably isn't maintainable in the long term.

Servitude doesn't necessarily require submission, although most service-oriented people are probably also submissive by nature. The combination is the service submissive, who may also be a slave.

(Let's be clear: we're talking about slavery in a BDSM context, not non-consensual slavery. All that's required in the latter case is to be held at someone else's will by force or societal contract.)

Key characteristics: submission and service, power exchange (broad), total obedience, ownership

Slavery is the combination of deep submission and a strong service orientation. Not only has the slave submitted to their dominant (master), but an ongoing behavior is proactive service. "Deep" submission is characterized by broad power exchange and total obedience.

Broad power exchange as I define it has the following characteristics:

- Consent is for an unspecified period, and the submissive does not have the right to withdraw consent without the dominant's agreement. Agreement will typically be granted.

- The exchange is exclusive. All activities not specifically limited are in-bounds.

- The submissive has relatively few explicit limits, or none at all. Note that this does not remove all moral obligations on the part of the dominant.

- The exchange is not limited to certain times, but is a fundamental thread running throughout the participants lives.

Total obedience is expected of the slave as a characteristic of their submission. While there may still be a thought process prior to obedience, the outcome will be to try to obey.

A different view of the relationship arises in slavery, that of ownership. The dominant and submissive both consider the latter owned by the former. While this is not a legally recognized status, the mutual agreement about this ownership makes it as legitimate as any other relationship.

Key characteristics: slavery, power exchange (total), thoughtless obedience, property

As slavery can be considered a subcategory of submission, surrender is a subcategory of slavery. In addition to basic slavery, there are more strict requirements of the power exchanged, and the surrendered slave exhibits thoughtless obedience and considers themselves property.

Total power exchange as I define it has the following characteristics:

- Consent is for an unspecified period, and the submissive does not have the right to withdraw consent.

- The exchange is without explicit limits. All activities are the right of the dominant, but moral obligations remain.

- The exchange is not limited to certain times, but is a fundamental thread running throughout the relationship.

Obedience becomes thoughtless in the surrendered slave. Orders from the dominant are unquestionably obeyed without regard to their content. This change represents a significant increase in the dominant's level of responsibility in the relationship.

It is difficult to explain the shift from ownership to property, since they seem to mean the same thing. In a property mindset, the surrendered slave has internalized and accepted ownership to the extent that they are the equivalent of any other possession.