I am just going to start coming on here to check my mail,,I need a fucking break. My heart is weary of this

I really don't know how much longer I will be here. I just can't seem to find what I am looking for. I don't think Dominants give rules anymore or want to control a Sub unless it is sucking their cock or letting them fuck you. It's not all sexual,its about his words,his commanding his sub to please him. I want to give myself to someone that wants it all,mental physical,sexually. Not just sexually. I am always getting asked well don't you like oral or don't you like anal,,well hell yes I like those things. I really don't know how to explain what it is I want that people understand besides to say I want rules,structure,someone who is possessive and strong willed,a Alpha male. I know what it is I want a Dominant,,,damn that's what they are called. Sheesh 

Just so people know,my chat on here does not work,it won't load. Also what is the point of looking at someones profile more than once? Really,if i'm not what you the first time you look I doubt very seriously I am going to be what you want the tenth time you've looked either,geesh. And since some don't take the time to read my profile before you contact me,I can't relocate right now and I am not Bi. Dominant's don't want subs wasting their time,well neither do we want you wasting ours. I came on here to find a Dominant that takes control of my body and MIND not to cyber,there are sites and phone numbers for that.

At least as a big woman I can lose weight,I can change. Some people can be in great shape and still be shallow and not so cute yourself. I have never had to tie a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me and no I didn't eat it either,so bite me. Frankly the best looking people on here are the male Sub/Slaves lol. But I have seen some beautiful woman,I don't understand why Dom's find it so hard to find someone when its looks they are looking for. 

Last night was a odd night for me,I kept getting messages from male slaves that wanted me to watch them cum,sigh. One even demanded me to get on cam,uhh no. One I finally had to block. I hate blocking people but he just wouldn't leave me alone. And got so rude but always sending me a smiley face lol.

I find it very frustrating to look at my Who's viewing me? page and seeing a lot of Dom's I would like to talk to but they don't message me. I just assume that i am not what they are looking for. I have always felt that the Dominant should be the one that contacts the Sub,I don't know if that is right or wrong but its how I have always felt.

I really like talking to different Dominants,they are all different,in the things they expect and what they want you to do. They are different but some think that all Subs are the same. Just because I said I want the mental aspect of D's does not mean I want nothing else from it. I try to be a good sub but sometimes it is so hard to know what it is the Dom expects from me. I try to make him the center of my attention,but is it wrong for me to want to be the center of his? I want him all to myself when we talk,I want all of him. The more I talk to Dom's the more I want to submit but I have needs to and sometimes I'm afraid I won't measure up to his expectations. I don't think in this lifestyle you ever stop learning and I see myself as someone that needs to be molded and taught,trained into being the submissive of their dreams. But it takes time I think,you can't expect me to know all of your needs and thoughts just by talking a few times. Give me time and be patient. I know in time I can be a good Sub to someone.

What does it usually mean to be a cockslut? I think it would mean that you worship your Masters cock,to love it as you love him. To do whatever you can with his cock to make him happy rather it be sucking or taking it wherever he wants to put it. To please your Master in any way possible,that makes a Subs heart so happy and content 

This is now I usually feel about myself,useless and worthless. Like I don't deserve to have anything meaningful in my life. I hate being fat and being alone. And I don't feel like I can ever measure up to what a man wants,the kind of Sub he craves. I'm nothing special,not like all the beautiful women I see on here,so many are so lovely,tall and thin. I envy them. And as someone called me the other night,a old lady,so many here are younger also. Not much to offer someone in the age and looks department but I will make someone a good Sub in time,with training and understanding

Their is a Dom that has asked me to strip to my panties and describe how it is making me feel physically and mentally. I think kneeling at anytime makes you feel more submissive,you are at a lower level then you usually are.  It makes you feel very aware of who and what you are. Your mind is such a big part of bdsm to me,its the very center of what being a Sub is,sex is just the dessert,the extra fun part. My head is connected straight to my heart and it makes me who I am. Some people think I don't want physical contact but I do,I just crave the control of my mind as well. I love men that are controlling and possessive,that is where the mental comes into it for me. Its a combination of both for me. I don't think I would want physical without the mental and you really can't have one without the other. Some have not agreed with me but it is how I feel and we all crave different things. Some just want pain,some don't we are all different in our needs and cravings