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Hmn. Where to start. My name is Joshua, pleased to meet you. My vital statistics can be found in my profile. So, I suppose I should just skip ahead to the meat and drink of it.
I'll be honest. I am NOT a "Lifestyle D/s"'er. Not by any imagination. I've had experiences on both sides of the coin, and, while I did enjoy them, they are by NO means what I would like to consider defining traits in my life. So if you're looking for someone who uses odd capitalization and elaborate titles to describe what they do while they wear assless leather chaps..I'm definitely not your guy.
Now that I've covered what I'm not, let's cover what I am. I'm damned intelligent, for one thing, and most of what I've learned I've learned the hard way. I'm also damned wierd, when it boils right down to it. Not to the point that I feel the need to fly the freak flag 24-7, but if you ever have a conversation with me, you'll figure it out soon enough.
So that's what I am. Cunning and wierd, in the old sense of the words.
As for what I want...well.... That's a little bit more difficult to describe. I want to be freed from as many limitations as I can. I want Sovereignity. I want to explore experiences beyond mere excitation of the nerves. I want to live, to feel, to BE. I want to walk "not in the spaces known to us, but between them. They walk calm and primal, of no dimensions, and to us unseen." if this makes any sense to you, then maybe you're like me, just a little. If so...I would be glad to walk with you a little ways, if you would want to walk with me.
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Current: THE FILE OR DIRECTORY IS CORRUPT AND NON-READABLE
Atu: ZALGO
SO, 2009 is dead and gone. The first decade of the 21st century is now over with. I have to admit...it's ranked so far as the shittiest year of the shittiest decade of my life. As a whole, I am glad to see the ass-end of 2009 heading out the door. I say that with the deepest sincerity I can muster.
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Current: Stygian
Atu: Charon
Ati me peta babka...Peta babkama luruba anaku...
I have a sadness upon me. I am still, and despairing.
And yet, I still walk the Ana harrani sa alaktasa la tarat.
This is what I do, this is what I am.
World without End, Forever and Ever, Amun.
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Current: Hyadean
Atu: The King In Yellow
"We move in secret circles and we walk in Mysteries. We are the unknown keepers of your forgotten Histories." |
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Current: 93
Atu: BABALON
"Now ye shall know that the chosen priest & apostle of infinite space is the prince-priest the Beast; and in his woman called the Scarlet Woman is all power given. They shall gather my children into their fold: they shall bring the glory of the stars into the hearts of men. "
Liber AL vel Legis, Chapter 1, Verse 15, A. Crowley.
Commentary : "the chosen priest & Apostle" may be the "Beast"... BUT...to "the Scarlet Woman is all power given". My thoughts are this, and I honestly hope I'm interpreting thiswrong, but, what if it DOES take two? One to direct the Operation, band one Empower it? This is my worst fear: That I actually cannot be the Bornless One, the circle-complete-in-itself. What if the ridiculously archaic division of Man and WOman , Self and Other, constrains me to always be yearning inside for some sort of metaphysical "completion"? I don't want to live like that. I want to be Self / Not-Self in one package, Hadit AND Nuit embodied in one microcosm as They are in the Macrocosm.
Still...You can't always get what you want...but if you try sometimes, you just might find... You get what you need. |
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Current:Universe-B
Atu: The King-In-Chains
Sometimes I think people have an over-estimated sense of their own importance.
Including myself.
Here. A gift. Let those who have the knowing lose hope. Let those who do not, live in ignorance.
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Current: Abyssal
Atu: CHORONZON
Sometimes I think that there are just some people that are always lost. I'm one of them. At parties, I like to hang out in the hallways and in the quiet corners. When I go out walking, I like to do it late at night when the rest of the city is asleep and dreaming. I never know what movie to see or what resteraunt to eat at until I'm standing in front of it. Am I indecisive? maybe. Honestly, though...Your certainty, it frightens me. To so wholly and completely be ONE THING, to always KNOW without a DOUBT, to have exact specifications, to be rigid and unyielding...This is something i cannot be. I wax and wane, I ebb and flow. I burn bright, I am an ember under ashes.
Keep your certainties. Don't open the box, don't force me to be one thing or another.
I exist in an indeterminate state. To know me is to destroy me. |
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Current: AC
Atu: Tesla
Today, I was thinking about things I've seen in my life. I've seen some strange things in my time,and sometimes this stops me. I have seen tornadoes made of pure flame over 200 feet high burning across the Nevada desert sands. I have seen a garden of burning metal flowers. I have seen schools of canary-yellow rays swimming in a clear blue ocean. I have seen dappled sunlight across a pale white shoulder framed with midnight black hair. I have seen the curve of a perfect breast, made somehow even more beautiful by a thin line of scar-tissue arcing below it. I have looked straight up into an over-passing cyclone, and lived to tell of it. I have seen a field of 150-year old oaks torn out of the ground and flung aside like a child's toy soldiers. I have seen a single black snake, sliding through bright green grass. Sometimes I think about these things, these moments, and I wonder why it was me that saw them.
To paraphrase one of my favorite movies...
"When I die, all of these moments will be gone, like tears, in the rain." |
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Current: 23
Atu: Wheel
This is my first journal entry here on this site, so, i should probably say something nice. It's considered rude to unleash Lovecraftian horrors into people's id's when you first meet them. Well, unless they're hentai fans.
So I've been looking around this site for a few days now. I've met three or four interesting people, one or two mind-blowing people...and, i have to be honest, a hell of a lot of psychologically crippled pseudo-people. "Mommy...the bad people scare me!"
Still...So far, i haven't had any massively negative experiences..ermn... or caused any.
So I'll stick around. I don't really know what I'm looking for here, yet. I would like to meet some new people. Yes. that would be interesting.
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| Age: 18 |
| England,
United Kingdom |
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