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| I'm a working writer; my essays appear here in the U.S. and abroad. (My work has been translated into 20 languages and published in 30 countries.) I've authored several books, with more in the works. Additionally, I travel and lecture internationally, occasionally appear on radio, TV, and in documentary films. I'm also an internet entrepreneur and publisher. I'm professionally established, financially secure, live in a house I own. Located in a quiet residential neighborhood in one of the outer boroughs of NYC, this house has extremely private indoor/outdoor spaces for erotic play.
My avocations include writing poetry and fiction (including erotica); reading; music (playing -- I'm a singer and guitarist -- and listening, to just about anything, the stranger the better); photography and other kinds of art-making. My friends rave about my cooking. When I'm not on the job, I consider my life project to be creative hedonism.
Physically, I'm fit, wiry, handsome, and have no major vices. I'm tough-minded, tender-hearted, experienced, funny, inventive, enormously patient, a good listener. People pay money to come and hear me talk, so apparently I'm entertaining, but I don't let that go to my head in conversation, because I love to hear what others have to say.
I've been a dom for about 20 years, largely because the women drawn to me during those years have invariably been subs. Clearly they were reading something in me that I hadn't recognized. As they made their needs and desires clear I rose to the occasion, so to speak, allowing those aspects of myself to develop and flourish.
Ideal Person: Looking for that special submissive female with whom to find long-term erotic/emotional fulfillment and forge a permanent bond: a lover/muse and possible model/collaborator/traveling companion. You are: inquisitive, imaginative, romantic, smart as a whip (and ready for one) -- articulate, petite, slender, passionate, uninhibited (or looking to shed your inhibitions), playful, a shameless hedonist, in urgent need of a firm guiding hand.
I'm not part of the the public b&d scene (though I have friends who are). I'd be willing to explore that with the right person, but so far I've pursued my pleasures, and those of my lovers, in more private settings, just one on one. Much of what I practice has been taught to me by the women who've shared my life and my fantasies. I'm adept and patient with novices, so don't worry about any lack of experience.
Plusses: arts and literary interests; webgirl; Francophone; free to travel; John Norman/Anne Rice devotee; additional identities; massage skills; adept at breakfast in bed. If your romantic/erotic life has you feeling confined and frustrated, even fit to be tied, let me help you broaden your horizons.
LTR is my goal; that includes living and/or traveling together. 24/7 is certainly possible in that context. But many of us with extensive professional involvements simply can't fit ourselves into other people's lives in that way on a daily basis. So I'm flexible about those aspects of all this.
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After six weeks of involvement with this site, TeacherPoet finds himself (a) deeply impressed by the forthrightness and courage of the best of this site's subscribers (see, for example, the extraordinary profile of the remarkable melova) and (b) astonished at the profound rudeness of many of the female subs who register here. These women often offer no details about themselves whatsoever; or they play coy and cryptic; or they do the juvenile "Gollygee, don't know what to say here" dance. Or they insist that you send them a personal letter, then don't even take the trouble to respond with a "Thanks, but not thanks" courtesy note. Some of those who ask for personal letters don't even bother to open their mail. And at least some of them lie. I had dinner with one a few days ago, after a month of detailed email exchanges. She'd underestimated her weight by 10-15 pounds, shaved 5-10 years off her obvious age, and sent me photos that she represented as recent but that were clearly made at least 5 years ago. Did she think I wouldn't notice? Or that I'd want to start a off a relationship based on a set of deceits? Such behavior is not only disrespectful of the Masters/Doms at this site, but it does a disservice to all those who use this space to present themselves honestly (including other slaves/subs). Plus it's fundamentally rude, simply on a personal basis. Here, of all places, we undertake a commitment to behave honestly and responsibly with each other. That includes truthful representation of ourselves, and basic good manners in our treatment of each other. No way to prevent these abuses, I know. But TeacherPoet finds them discouraging, not only in his own search for a slave/sub, but insofar as it paints a less than flattering picture of "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet." |
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After six weeks of involvement with this site, TeacherPoet finds himself (a) deeply impressed by the forthrightness and courage of the best of this site's subscribers (see, for example, the extraordinary profile of the remarkable melova) and (b) astonished at the profound rudeness of many of the female subs who register here. These women often offer no details about themselves whatsoever; or they play coy and cryptic; or they do the juvenile "Gollygee, don't know what to say here" dance. Or they insist that you send them a personal letter, then don't even take the trouble to respond with a "Thanks, but not thanks" courtesy note. Some of those who ask for personal letters don't even bother to open their mail. And at least some of them lie. I had dinner with one a few days ago, after a month of detailed email exchanges. She'd underestimated her weight by 10-15 pounds, shaved 5-10 years off her obvious age, and sent me photos that she represented as recent but that were clearly made at least 5 years ago. Did she think I wouldn't notice? Or that I'd want to start a off a relationship based on a set of deceits? Such behavior is not only disrespectful of the Masters/Doms at this site, but it does a disservice to all those who use this space to present themselves honestly (including other slaves/subs). Plus it's fundamentally rude, simply on a personal basis. Here, of all places, we undertake a commitment to behave honestly and responsibly with each other. That includes truthful representation of ourselves, and basic good manners in our treatment of each other. No way to prevent these abuses, I know. But TeacherPoet finds them discouraging, not only in his own search for a slave/sub, but insofar as it paints a less than flattering picture of "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet." |
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A friend in the scene tells me it can take up to two years to find a sub/slave . . . seems like a lifetime. Nevertheless, I take heart and persevere. |
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Yet another query from my sub correspondent, and yet another response from me . . . ****************** Dear : When you raise the possibility that slaves feel more deeply than Masters, you ask a question that, on one level, falls into the category of the philosophical imponderables. Do women feel more than men? Does one woman (or man) feel more than another? How can we weigh one person's emotions against another's? Even if we had accurate emotion-meters that quantified our own feeling levels, how could we possibly calibrate them so as to measure them in relation to each other? At the risk of pulling rank here (age rank, not M vs. s), I'm going to spend some time on this with you. I'm doing so because on your own initiative you've shown what I read as genuine solicitude toward me, whom you don't know personally, and your Master has demonstrated uncommon generosity in permitting our correspondence. And also because I think you've come close to committing an error in your thinking that could affect adversely your relationship to your own Master and others. So consider this as quid pro quo, perhaps. Let's look at the question from a different standpoint. Jung proposes that every individual psyche -- male or female, gay or straight or transgender, vanilla or bdsm -- includes both a masculine component and a feminine component, whose proportion may range from 50-50 to 99-1/1-99. Let's describe the masculine aspect loosely as dominant, assertive, aggressive, invasive, and the feminine as submissive, passive, absorptive, and receptive. Every psyche, then, is continuously involved in the activity of balancing out these two aspects according to that individual's proportions of both qualities. We can safely assume that in a bdsm relationship the Dom/Domme or Master/Mistress is (in this Jungian sense) somewhere between 51 per cent masculine and 99 percent masculine, and that the sub/slave is somewhere between 51 per cent feminine and 99 percent feminine. Regardless of the percentages, unless the relationship involves switching, the D has opted to control/suppress the feminine aspect of him/herself in the theater of the relationship, just as the sub/slave has elected to surrender/restrain the masculine aspect. But this doesn't mean that the D feels less, or feels it less strongly, than does the s. When one takes on any leadership role -- head of an NFL football team, head of an all-woman Mt. Everest team, head of an all-male rock band, or head of the National Organization of Women -- one agrees to put one's own personal emotional responses aside, and to prioritize the interests of the team and one's teammates. If an individual member of a team acts out, behaves badly, it of course affects the team's performance and requires correction by the designated team leader, but the team plays on. If the team leader collapses, the team often becomes paralyzed. It would be a capital mistake to assume that leaders don't have personal feelings and emotions, or that they don't go as deep as those of the people they lead. (By the same token, it would be a mistake to take for granted that a leader experiences emotions on a deeper level. This isn't a contest.) But an effective leader can (regardless of his/her own internal situation) successfully lead people who manifest individual problems, difficulties, erratic behaviors, emotional upsets -- all the interfering ups and downs to which humans are prone. On the other hand, no team can long survive with a leader who yields to personal crises, throws hissy fits, cries, sulks, behaves unpredictably, functions purely selfishly, breaks the team rules, or otherwise acts out. That's why John McEnroe was a great tennis player but could never have served as a quarterback. The D/s relationship is consensual teamwork. The sub agrees to transparency, to having (in your case) all her emotions open, visible, on the surface, exploitable, manipulable, vulnerable. The Dom (in your Master's case, and mine) agrees to manage the sub's emotions, and his own, while maintaining an overview of the best interests and health of the team and accepting full accountability for the outcome. No sub wants a Master/Mistress who regularly breaks down in tears, goes ballistic, loses control of him/herself, is indecisive, doesn't know what to do in tough situations, can't accept responsibility, and so on. The D/s relationship is also theater. The D takes on the role of leader, the s the role of follower. The drama becomes confusing, and unsatisfactory to both, if the D doesn't lead well, or the s doesn't follow well (though some variants, such as SAM/brat behavior and its consequences, do occur). Part of the D's role involves the maintaining of a calm, confident, powerful front, which necessitates masking responses that the s is free to manifest. But don't assume for a minute that, because he's enacting the role of leader, capable of controlling his own emotions and/or setting them aside, your Master doesn't have those emotions. Or that they're any less strong than your own. Assume just the opposite: that he has emotions no less powerful than yours, but that just as you have accepted the role (and the challenge) of foregrounding yours, he has accepted the role (and the struggle) of backgrounding his. The rituals of our practice require this, in both directions. In effect, you, as the sub, become the visible manifestation of the feminine aspect of the team as a whole, and your Master becomes the visible manifestation of its masculine aspect. But his feminine aspect continues to exist, just as does your masculine aspect. They simply play themselves out in different ways, and find other means of balancing each other. If you and he work well together, in effect he expresses his feminine aspect through you, and you express your masculine aspect through him. The slave shapes the Master, just as the Master shapes the slave. Insofar as intensity of feeling goes, from my own personal experience, I can tell you that the loss of one slave in particular (about 12 years ago) felt like having an organ torn out of my body. It took several years to recover and move on, and during the first of those years I frequently found myself doubled over in what actually felt like excruciating physical pain. From what I could tell, she had less trouble with the transition than I did. On the other hand, at the end of my most recent relationship, I found it easier than did my former slave to let go. So this also varies from relationship to relationship, even for an individual D or s. (By the way, I've remained good friends with both.) I offer this because I sense you've started to think that Masters/Mistresses/Doms/Dommes in general (or your Master in particular) somehow may have it a bit easier than their subs/slaves, in that their emotions run more shallowly, their hurts hurt less. I think not, and it's dangerous to the relationship to assume that. If they're properly matched, Master and slave are equally invested, equally at risk, equally vulnerable. Each offers the other a precious gift, of equivalent value, that merits cherishing. If your Master doesn't automatically read your email, as many do, you are welcome to share this with him. If he feels I've exceeded the bounds of propriety in thus presuming to instruct his slave, I apologize to him in advance. TeacherPoet |
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Make that reference to "the entry above" in my previous post a reference to the entry below it, from July 7. I didn't realize how this system sequenced journal entries. ******************* I received another supportive note from slaveheart, to which I replied as follows: Dear aslavesheart: Thanks for your sweet offer. I don't really need a shoulder to cry on right now, and I'm done venting; the teapot is off the boil. Yes, there are players here. And/or people who simply don't know how to behave. One sub/slave registered under the same username here presented herself as available and initiated a dialogue with me. Turned out she's collared. I chastised her for the deception and told her to report it to her Master for punishment. Don't know what happened -- never heard from either of them again. So far none of this is hurtful -- hard to get hurt when no commitment has been made. But it's certainly frustrating, and time-wasting. As for your describing yourself as "pollyannaish" -- I'm not sure. I'm a realist, and from what you say you are too. I tend to think of myself more as someone who persists in taking a hopeful attitude, as described by the Czech saxophonist, playwright, essayist and President Vaclav Havel, who wrote, in his book Disturbing the Peace: ***************** Either we have hope within us or we don't; it is a dimension of the soul, and it's not essentially dependent on some particular observation of the world or estimate of the situation. Hope is not prognostication. It is an orientation of the spirit, an orientation of the heart. . . . Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously headed for early success, but rather, an ability to work for something because it is good, not just because it stands a chance to succeed. . . . Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. . . . It is also this hope, above all, which gives us the strength to live and continually try new things, even in conditions that seem as hopeless as ours do, here and now. ****************** Of course, he was writing about national and cultural crisis, about the former Czechoslovakia under Communist rule, a situation much larger and more important than our individual erotic/romantic lives. Still, his words resonate for me in many circumstances, and apply to all, even the most private and seemingly insignificant. So I have hope. I've taken the liberty of mentioning our correspondence in my journal (not mentioning you by username), and posting my replies to your notes to me. Regards, TeacherPoet |
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To my surprise, in response to the above journal entry I got a most kind note of encouragement from another collarme.com member -- an owned female slave who met her Master here, and urged me to hang in there. I wrote the following to her: Dear slaveheart (not her real username): Thanks for taking the time and trouble to write me that encouraging note re my journal entry. Your response is certainly acceptable, and your presentation thereof appropriate. I haven't given up hope, I assure you. Certainly I feel more at home here at collarme.com than I did during a stretch at a few other vanilla sites, where sex -- especially alternative sex -- is simply never mentioned, and profiles are mostly sappy cliches. At the same time, this scene has its own cliches, with which numerous profiles are riddled. Probably inescapable. But too many of these profiles don't qualify as profiles in any way: username, city of residence, age and height? 'Z'up wid dat? And then there's the lying. I'm 60. I don't look or act that age (or the stereotype of it). People usually guess me at about 45. I could easily pass for 50. Which means I could post my age here at that. I know there's an age bias operative out there, and it affects men as well as women; for many women, 60 in a man is a cut-off. I could find that offensive (I don't). I could think it foolish (I do). I could be peeved at it (I am). But we all have to fish with some kind of net. I have my own requirements, no less arbitrary or idiosyncratic, so I don't begrudge anyone else theirs. Point is, however, I could sneak around that prejudice if I wanted to. Then what? Find the sub/slave of my dreams and live a lie? Try to get her hooked on me before I finally own up, and take my chances that she'll let it slide? Dread the day she takes a close look at my driver's license or passport? So I give my actual age, and accept the consequences. And so on with the other info, and the photos. I don't think it's asking too much to expect that of others here. This meeting with one subscriber really disheartened me, so I needed to blow off some steam. I doubt that my experience here is much different or more difficult than anyone else's. I do see some remarkable people here. And I do take note of the numerous success stories posted. Glad to know that you and your Master met here and have found happiness together. I intend to persevere, because I know what I want, and I have confidence that she's out there somewhere -- possibly signed up at this site, and, if so, slogging through the same mud. Giving up would do her a disservice. Once again, I appreciate your making the effort to cheer me up. Please pass along to your Master my compliments on his thoughtful, tender-hearted slave. He's a lucky man indeed. TeacherPoet |
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After six weeks of involvement with this site, TeacherPoet finds himself (a) deeply impressed by the forthrightness and courage of the best of this site's subscribers (see, for example, the extraordinary profile of the remarkable melova) and (b) astonished at the profound rudeness of many of the female subs who register here.
These women often offer no details about themselves whatsoever; or they play coy and cryptic; or they do the juvenile "Gollygee, don't know what to say here" dance. Or they insist that you send them a personal letter, then don't even take the trouble to respond with a "Thanks, but not thanks" courtesy note. Some of those who ask for personal letters don't even bother to open their mail.
And at least some of them lie. I had dinner with one a few days ago, after a month of detailed email exchanges. She'd underestimated her weight by 10-15 pounds, shaved 5-10 years off her obvious age, and sent me photos that she represented as recent but that were clearly made at least 5 years ago. Did she think I wouldn't notice? Or that I'd want to start a off a relationship based on a set of deceits?
Such behavior is not only disrespectful of the Masters/Doms at this site, but it does a disservice to all those who use this space to present themselves honestly (including other slaves/subs). Plus it's fundamentally rude, simply on a personal basis. Here, of all places, we undertake a commitment to behave honestly and responsibly with each other. That includes truthful representation of ourselves, and basic good manners in our treatment of each other.
No way to prevent these abuses, I know. But TeacherPoet finds them discouraging, not only in his own search for a slave/sub, but insofar as it paints a less than flattering picture of "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet." |
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| Age: 36 |
| Climax,
Georgia |
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