|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Just returned to this site after moving back here 4 or so years ago. Worked now taking a break.....had a sweet precious Grandson so I have shared my love with Him. Now 29 months....how time flies. I thought having a child was the best thing ( next to sharing it with ONE loving Dominant) but now I see how life moves you were it desires. I had finally gotten this site out of my system and put my chest of toys( with wheels) far back in the closet. Mainly came on here to find a friend since I had actually forgotten his names on other sites. I dont know if I am still submissive or not, or if anyone sees Ds as I do not or not. Yes yes, I know my profile and my age need updated. I am in my 60s as you can see but told my son I am staying 59
Before Covid I tried to go to the gym 3 times a week.....ha......so much for that. I wonder if my legs couldl even straddle a horse......lol..........I sure do miss those adductor and abductor machines I cant say I miss Nursing....esp. with how poor our healthcare system was before Covid. In fact the reason I quit beside grandchild was,,,,,,IS wasis a shame to not give people the quality of care they deserved. ONly job in 44 years I gave 2 wks notice and quit.
So perhaps submission is still buried deep. I see many of the same names in this area as when I had looked before. lol and I receive chastisment from a few so soon ( 3 days back on here) for not updating my picture or profile? Humor is important to me......as is good communication and grace, honestytrust and sensuality.
Only time and God know for sure what they possibly 20 yrs of my life will bring. WE never know do we ? It could be 20 mintures or 20 months........
Well, unable to sleep,,,,,* no activity for so long in every way.........that I just thought i would see if there was anything here worth reading...... Hoping You all had Happy Thanksgivings...and i had a peaceful quiet birthday
|
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure.........
the houses over here outside of Phila certainly cost more than back at the old homestead......lol
I looked at 4 today......Only two would work. One very expensive and the other reasonable
To those of YOU who have me marked and say You are an admirer, I thank You
To those of You who continue to WRITE and communicate I also Thank You
and to those hmm or one of You who says he will call and never does.....I can only laugh: perhaps that fine SIR ( w hich i believe still HE could be) i will only say...You are getting red marks in my little black book under the column of "good communication" skills and following thru with what You say You shall do. One wonders why a fine sub such as myself even finds You tolerable still.,,,,and yet, thus far no real untruths have You told me, as others before.
So again Thanks to all who help get me thru this trying time of finding a house...living in my sons dungeon ( i mean basement) and hopefully soon I will be ready to please someone in their abode or mine, ( after proper safe meeting of course) and if we click and find the chemistry that can be soooooooooo alluring . Hopefully at my age of 62 i am not too old
i never will understand why young men in their 30's and 40's find older women so attractive....experience? perhaps....
Hoping You are all safe and well.....
s |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure
Thank You to those of You who continue to write and read. I finally after 2 years settled on of all days......April Fools day...quite the joke I suppose?
Yes I have to laugh......change is NOT easy for me let alone packing 3000sqft of STUFF that You accumulated in 28 yrs marriage and stuff from parents who had there same home all their life. Treasures that have memories.....not things of great value. in this world and certainly not the next, and yet things that give comfort.
I even love the smell of some of the sheets I can tell my Mom washed.
Smell is very important to me. A lovely man i met on here, who had GREAT D/s experience, who said in 2017 he would stop smoking, i dont think realized how Wonderful SMELL can be when with someone YOu enjoy, like or/and love.
So, now I reside in my sons basement. Surrounded by clothesbasements and bags filled to live until i find a home. It amazes me that going from one place where you can have 3000sqft of a house, new 12 yrs ago......to anothe rplace where you have to pay 100k more for only 2000sqft. One place takes 2 years......the next takes 2 day.s
Places have changed and people; Iknew the traffic would be much worse.....and its true.
i hope to go back to work at the place I did before, but apparently they have no openings or, they dont want an OLDER RN? hmmmm
too bad........makes me wonder if my missing them, and they forget about me....why i ever worked 16 hr shifts....
AND SO IF YOU WRITE, PLEASE BE PATIENT. I DO HAVE A LAPTOP REFURBISHED, BUT IT IS DIFFICULT TO TYPE WELL ON.......
tHE DAYS ARE LONG LOOKING AT HOUSES.....AND SORTING AND TRYING TO BE A MOUSE IN THE BASEMENT.
hOPEFULLY SOMEDAY I CAN WRITE THAT i NOW HAVE A LOVELY HOME AGAIN AND SOME WONDERFUL DOMINANT BEGAN WRITING TO ME ON HERE, WE MET AND NOW HE IS MY MASTER.
WHAT A LOVELY ENDING TO MY STORY.....A MASTER TO GROW OLD BESIDE
|
|
|
|
|
TODAY I KNOW FOR SURE
WATCH OUT OUTSKIRTS OF PHILA. aN OLD SUBMISSIVE IS HEADED BACK YOUR WAY ON APRIL 1ST. HOPEFULLY SHE CAN FIND A NICE HOUSE TO CALL HOME FOR ALL HER BELONGINGS ( STILL TOO MANY) GET UNPACKED( HENCE NOT SUPPORTING THE MOVING COMPANY BY PAYING ALL THEIR EMPLOYEES BY HAVING TO STORE MY THINGS) AND MOVE ON.
IF ANYONE KNOWS OF A GOOD, REAL, HONEST, TRUSTWORTHY DOMINANT WHO IS ABOUT MY AGE ( OR SLIGHTLY YOUNGER) WHO IS SEEKING, PLEASE PASS MY NAME. I AM IN NO HURRY, BUT I AM TIRED FROM THE PAST 12 YRS OF HAVING NO ONE TO CALL MASTER.
PREFERABLY SOMEONE WHO HAS SKILLS, TOYS, A JOB OR RETIRED AND IS CAUCASIAN, AND UNMARRIED. IT WOULD BE NICE FOR A CHANGE IF HE EVEN HAS A HOME,LOL OH YES, AND A SENSE OF HUMOR. ALOT MORE TOO, BUT I DONT WISH TO SOUND TOO FINICKY
:) SWEET SMILE TO YOU AND THANKS FOR READING
|
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure
Come soon, the house will be sold. I will be packed and the moving company will be housing my life's posessions ( yes, too materialistic have i been).
IT appears there are few if any quality houses outside of Phila when I desire. Well, i suppose i should say none I can afford . Other than that there are many. So, watch out friends and family, i may be knocking for a night on the sofa....lol
But seriously tonight I tried to find words of wisdom a wise man told me not too long ago.
I doubt HE reads my journal any longer, but He does know me from meeting.
He said something like..".look within, listen to Your heart"( something that meant that at least...i hate i can't find his words)
and i often wonder if HE takes time to do that for himself. I wonder if men in general take time to "think" ( ok well maybe in their man caves) And i wonder how often then take time communicate "well" with their relationship partner.
Maybe it is a "fluff" book but I found Gary Chapmans "Five Love Languages" interesting. Never really thought of there only being FIve. But, in some ways hes right. If one partner in a realationship sees "quality time" as an expression of love, and the other sees " a gift", do they satisfy each other?
Just something to think about.
Yes, I also know the snow is beautiful , cold and wet.....and i have many roads to travel yet
Let's hope this move, will lead to one, my heart, my soul and body become......... |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure?
Sometimes i just have to laugh at myself....in Jan I wrote about a lovely business woman moving into my home. And today, I am faced and forced to review this woman asking me for yet another 5k off of my house price.
I am lead to wonder...when does NO mean NO? I used to have a TExas girlfriend who married a Coast Guard lawyer. Somehow we have lost each other. But I remember Patsy, a little bit of a thing saying to her kids...."Yes is Yes and NO means NO and sometimes ya just gotta do what You gotta do
Well on Jan 14th I gave the woman the lowest price I could not even raising it 2k on her. I explained that at that price I until everyone was paid I would still be losing 20K from building this house till now selling to her.
And yet, now she still doesn't understand the word NO and I am forced to repeat it. Honestly do You expect a 12 yr old house to be perfect? ( ok well its almost perfect) I can't help this area has a little radon and seriously while I do not believe they have actually any serious validated studies on it, we all have to die of something...get real
However....that isn't why I write. Today I am thinking about LOVE and Like
I have always known that there are many forms/types of love ( I will not go into detail hopefully some on this site have an imagination or gray matter)
And, I have often thought of how i "like" people, ok or not at times
However, recently in a discussion with a male friend....i said to him" When you speak of Your wife that You are separated from, i hear love in Your voice. Are you sure YOu are over her? And His reply left me to wonder.
He said, I love her still, Yet, I do NOT however like her.And so I still ponder this thought. Years ago my second Master to whom I was collared...( after the fact) i would always refer to him as being a good Teaching Master
And yet, i would say, however i asked for my release. Why? well the why was because His life was not under HIS control so how could he be in control of mine. BUt...in the long run i realized, it was because he was NOT a good person.
And to this day,having hopefully grown , i keep thinking how can someone be a good Master and yet not a good person....... Sadly it was validated years later when a dear slave friend of mine ( who looking back I should have made leave with me) told me, he abused her.....then she left. No, i never lived with him, i was still married at athe time, and YES, my husband always knew of what i was doing.....he allowed it. i never lied.....he knew of my love of D/s
Funny how we grow ( or some do not grow) in this lifestyle. Back then i allowed myself to be under his control even though he had others...an Alpha sub, another Beta and a slave. Now, i would never do that again. I say allowed myself because I did..i wanted to see if i could stretch to that sharing level
and now I realize...never again. MY life is too short.......and the depth i desire to reach is too great.
i am almost at the point of late believing that one should get to know their Dominant in the day to day world...see if YOu even like them before reaching for the depths of D/s or reaching for the BDSM toys....
Although there is a line to be crossed.....once stepping over in friendship, i wonder, can one then return to the submissive level? and if one is in the sub aspect, can friendship also be there?
lol i suppose i always thought it would be interesting to have a psychologist as as Master..
the mind is a wonderful thing, so much we do not know.....and so much yet I desire to know.
Coming home from Phila today i was listening to a book on CD by Joan Chisttister....about growing old gracefully. THE GIFT OF YEARS, growing old gracefully. No, it wasnt about dying and slowing down
It was about life. And LIFE for me.....includes D/s and BDSM......I wonder if anyone has ever written Growing old gracefully in the D/s world......lol
|
|
|
|
|
Today I hope I KNOW
A lovely business woman will be moving into my home by the end of March, and that I will hopefully have found a new home and be moved in safely by mid April
IT has been a long 2 years.....I am religious and believe i was left here to accomplish a few things and help others.
Hopefully God will see fit to show me a Master who truly is one, one who understands, is near my age, caucasian, and ever so much more...certainly unmarried and who understand what a good relationship can become. I am in no hurry to live with someone or have them live with me...let alone be married.
In my journey of 22 plus years I have learned that friendship is important, honesty , trust and excellent communication must be present.
I doubt i would be a good 24/7 submissive, but who knows what lies in the minds of men ( ok, and women) Yes, did i forget HE needs to have a sense of humor, enjoy tears.....and be every so much more. It has been a long 12 years up here with no Master.....lets hope the phila area shall have more to offer this finicky but oh so worth it, submissive.
I will be on short times but not long enough to develop any conversation until probably after April.....
If You feel YOu are HE.....i hope YOu will still be here then.... |
|
|
|
|
Christmas Day 2015 :
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a Good night!
Even though alone this Christmas on the day, it was lovely. How can one complain about 70 degree weather and rain, no snow ( and yet, some do complain)
It was a lovely day of finishing my wrapping and watching sappy Hallmark, Lifetime and Ion TV movies
Just finished one called THE Christmas Truce on Ion......
I love them, they always have romance...., no......sadly none incorporate BDSM ,D/s but they always end happily ever after....and they guy gets the girl, or the girl gets the guy.
Maybe someday that will come true for me. But for now......i suppose I shall be happy in the moment....and await my company tomorrow to have Christmas enjoyment.
There is something to be said about Being Present and Living in the Moment, enjoy health and happiness, even peace and quiet.
Happy New Year soon to all ! |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure
Typing with ONE hand takes forever. Not that anyone reads this, but in case any do, to keep from repeating my message. BEWARE of TREADMILLs. PLanet Fitness tells me i didn't step on it correctly ( i think someone left it on) AT anyrate, i suppose i looked like I was trying to practice for winter olympics, feet flying up in the air....and wedged half under a running treadmill, body is covered in brush burns, right hand sprained and ribs fractured, feel like I am 90.I Thank God for the person who shut the damn thing off. Then they asked if i wanted to go to the hospital or ambulance( no matter i had no air left in my lungs to breath and speak) So to all who use them BEWARE, IT took me 2 years to find out THEY can be DANGEROUS! |
|
|
|
|
Today i know for sure
It's different when You watch a movie in a theater surrounded by all sorts of people, than when You watch it alone in Your living room, alone, no one but yourself. Perhaps i was too hasty in my judgement of 50 shades.....although i still would have chosen a different leading man |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure: The time is here, to enter. STrange, you see signs for "Man Caves" but never have i seen "Woman cave"
It is rather peaceful in here, someone told me i should meditate.For now I will work on that and see where it goes.
So little time or reason for anything else. |
|
|
|
|
Today i KNOW for sure
IT IS TIME TO GET THIS HOUSE SOLD! The outskirts of PHila are calling me....hope to move around Lansdale. Tried one realtor, then tried myself ( over the winter) NEW season coming so I will have to BITE the bullet and pay 6% I fear, sadly around here, few are moving that can afford the price I am in.
I realize it is not possible to work on preparing my house to move and have a Master. So for now I am only able to chat on here.
Then when the time comes ( it has already been a year) and I get settled, I hope to learn to know someone that is local.
It would be lovely to find someone local to Phila outskirts, who has experience, is kind and older too, and desires to travel. I don't look for anyone to live with me or me, with them. I am certainly not a 24/7 person at least not 7 days a week.
Thank You for reading |
|
|
|
|
TODAY I KNOW FOR SURE
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE SOMEONE TO LOVE AND GIVE TOO!
Now for my thoughts on 50 Shades of GREY. While i am surely no writer, and sadly no film director or maker ( i wish i were and had the experience)
1. Happily i only paid 5$ to see the matinee
2. My little toe has more passion than the entire movie
3. Other than the "redroom"" dungeon"or the Locked door,with the what appeared to be "quality toys/impliments", i can say the film had little _____
(fill in Your own word)
4. Little to even twist one's mind around, outwardly or subliminally
5. Well, ok if you like twiggy type women, You might enjoy it
6. And if you enjoy the colors gray and red, or helicopter scenes or glider scenes
7. Again i am No one, but i would rate it more of like "5 shades of Grey"
8. i saw someones critique that the movie was better than the book. i held off reading the book but yes, I did buy it even though my 31 yr old son said it was poor( and HE Knows nothing of my lifestyle)
9. Perhaps they can take one of Eden Bradley's books or Maya Banks ( those i HAVE read and enjoyed) and butcher them into a movie?
10. Lastly, if You do enjoy Your special D/s person, i STRONGLY suggest You be more creative and imaginative than taking them to this movie.
i reminded myself that normally when TV "hypes" a movie it turns out to be POOR......or perhaps the old phrase "Much ado about nothing" applies here!
At Anyrate...Happy VAlentines Day!
|
|
|
|
|
February 2 Today I know for sure: i seem to have missed January and wishing everyone a Happy New Year.
Hopefully the sauerkraut will bring me luck. In fact i believe it did already, For the first New Year in my entire life, i had a joyous way to bring in the New Year. Someone told me what You do on New Years will continue for the entire year. MY Lips are sealed but...i am sure if YOU are an imaginative person ( surely those who read my journal) You can think of what i may have done! |
|
|
|
|
Today i am reminded
How sad it is that "distance relationships" do not work
and
That one can learn to know someone online for however long a period of time
and
That one can speak to someone on the phone
and
Yes, there is nothing that is the same as meeting someone in person.
and
Feeling that perhaps You might have a mental connection
and
Realizing that maybe even after one scene You could have more of a connection in this OTHER world we all Know on here
and
Still be unsure and wonder if there could ever be More.......IF the Whole package is waiting just outside my sight
or if there is really No such thing as a Totally fullfilled Life
|
|
|
|
|
Today I Know for Sure
An old friend from this site,and knew my name on AOL wrote. I have assumed it was gone forever. And.....I realized that in someways I had missed it. Before it's prior demise, I had slowed in my using it. THERE WERE JUST so many who had/have such different views than I.......but perhaps there is still a chance.
It seems I am still biding my time near Chambersburg, Pa waiting to sell my house to move back to outside of Phila........
Good I have Faith and am learning patience even at age 59.....and can still Laugh.
Maybe there is a Dominant who understands TRUST, Honesty and Good communication! |
|
|
|
|
Today I DO NOT know for sure
i suppose it pays to be patient. One of two houses finally sold, sadly the one that is at the lower end of the spectrum and was in my family for 113 years, and so i will need to muster more patience to wait before I can move. Will another buyer come to this small town? Only three showings since October.So many houses on the market and no new business moving in.
Or should i assume a buyer will come, pack my things and move and leave an empty house to be shown?
|
|
|
|
|
Today i know for sure......:
i am certainly no film critic......However.....Great!!!! Thought provoking movie"Nyphomaniac Vol 2.....I am watching......believe it or not a sex film ( probably not the right term for it) sadistic and yet, touches many aspects of life.....I am beginning to love IFC films...
Not that i cared for the sadistic depth and blood that she endured.....but finally a director, writer that has a hint of understanding
The "silent duck" was interesting however.....not sure if i have ever experienced it or not.....<shy smile>
To any men who read this....while i do not know YOU, ( and while this is still "pay per vue" You might enjoy this movie.....it is NOT a "Chick-flick"
perhaps vol 1 will be as good......time will tell |
|
|
|
|
Today what i know for sure:
Recently took a Great SKillPath Seminar on Managing Multiple Projects, ives and Deadlines. Not only did it apply to business strategies but also LIFE! Covering issues like Avoiding procrastination, Time management, Stress Control, Boosting productivity and of course Covey's Highly Effective People Habits....lol. Things WE ALL KNEW or KNOW but sometimes Need reminders... And now......SNOW......and Surely SPRING!! Here's hoping a MOVE is soon on my Future!!! |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure: POWERFUL NEW IFC MOVIE, in theaters? but "On Demand"
i am NOT a movie critic, but THE BEST OFFER.....starring..
Geoffrey Rush .....and Donald Sutherland......amazing, gripping, filled with beauty and tells a powerful story of LIFE! LOVED it! |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure: I really enjoy rereading my profile........I had a couple GOOD POSTS on 11/26 and ON 11/7...........sometimes it pays to read what you write, and forget in Your aging years....lol. Oh yes, and laugh at Yourself too! |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for SURE..
note to self.....DO NOT POST ANYTHING FROM ANYTHING WEBSITE REGARDLESS OF how funny or Interesting it is...( I suppose due to security of this site and virus)...
AGAIN ( twice now) my profile was hidden due to this,,,,,YES< I am admitting my SIN to TOS on this site........So please if You read this.......BEWARE
THE THING I DONT UNDERSTAND is.........why some can have MULTIPLE listings...and continue to post them........ ( and then i read and forget we are not to do that)
MAYBE THIS WILL HELP MY AGING BRAIN REMEMBER.....at least i read my own journal if no one else does.......rofl.
|
|
|
|
|
Today i know for sure: it seems that when You change Your profile on this site, it is not readily visible for however long? I could find it by going to "HOME" and then typing in my name and then searching. But when clicking on view full profile, it didn't show up. Amazing what you learn after being on a site for 10 years. |
|
|
|
|
Today i am reminded
of HOW PRECIOUS LIFE CAN BE::::
Just home from a memorial service, a woman of 90. The minister said Even though she was a bright woman, professional,volunteered, served her church, prayed often daily....at the end she confessed to him that she FEARED DEATH!
And so.......what is MY POINT?........that's for YOU to think about, as the teachers used to say once in awhile"There is NO Right or NO WRONG answer"
|
|
|
|
|
TODAY WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE:
i would like to share a new book I bought myself for Christmas. It had been some years since i had read the older books: Different Loving, The Loving Dominant, SM101, Screw The Roses.......etc.
"CONQUER ME" by Kacie Cunningham
At anyrate....Ms Cunningham has a keen younger mind, (than my mind), a great sense of humor and wit and a way with words that i feel i am lacking in. The book's cover, states "girl to girl wisdom about fulfilling your submissive desires"
However in the introduction byJay Wiseman ( he entered into the M/s relationship in 1977). He is well read and has written several books.....yet he states "I have learned several new things in this book , and also had the validity of some of the things that I already did know confirmed. It is not a book that you can simply read once and put away on the shelf."
HE also states She also solves the ever-challenging conundrum of how two people with unequal amounts of power must both give and take equal energies for the relationship to "balance" to be viable." Other places in the book Kacie also mentions equality
Many of her observations in her Ten years in this lifestyle, seem to be similar to those I have never had validated. And on the back cover even John Warren ( author of the Loving Dominant recommends it to both submissives and Dominants. So far I am thrilled at her being able to better express what i have only felt.
It is a NEW YEAR and hopefully with that Growth, knowledge and new experiences for ALL of us, otherwise we surely DEAD.
This is ONLY MY VIEW ( from an older submissives brain of 59 years.
I was NOT PAID to endorse this and am not quite finished to be honest, but I COULD NOT WAIT to share it with those of You who might ENJOY STEPPING QUIETLY INTO THE MIND OF YOUR SLAVE or SUBMISSIVe
|
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure
IF you see parts of my profile and journal are missing....(that you read before) it is due to receiving a YELLOW BORDER SUPPORT message. It seems something was in violation of the TOS. However due to their having 1.7 million users they could not tell me specifically ( when I asked them to cut and paste it to me)
They explained it has to do with OUR NEW WORLD that is filled with hackers ( my words) and viruses and worms(their words)
I suppose it had to do with my recent Thanking of a man who has two links in his journal to another website. The website, did not have pornographic amateur movies but rather artistic ones.
So now I know i can not share it with You, perhaps you already know of the site that begins with a v. If not feel free to ask.
Also, I have to laugh at myself. I have been on here 9 years now....and there doesn't seem to be a Dom ( let alone a Master) to either my liking or His that seems to fit with me?
How funny or sad is that? At this moment i am laughing...at others i will be sad.
HAppy Holidays to those of YOU WHO read..... |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure
Its almost Thanksgiving and i am Thankful to be alive to breathe the air and continue to learn. Tonight, I watched a show about Mark Nepo. An intelligent man with much gray matter who had cancer. He said something that touched my being.
What is the purpose of the human experience? It is not finding Heaven on Earth but rather for the soul to blossom and release Heaven by Living on Earth. ( as near a quote as I can recall)
He also said this world needs "authentic beings" to be who they are.
Every single Being has an amazing unfathomable Gift,
that ONLY meeting life head on will Reveal.
He has written a book "7,000 ways to listen" that will be my birthday present to myself.
I am thinking, that is really what this site is about. AS Planet Fitness has a "Judgement Free" zone, we on here need too as well.
Take time...listen to what each person that You meet on here says. It might be the truth, it might not. It might be the truth to them in their mind..we each see things differently
But today, I know regardless of who we meet, it;s good there ARE differences...Life would surely be a pretty Dull place if we were all the Same.
Happy Thanksgiving If You have read this far...Be safe!
|
|
|
|
|
TODAY I KNOW FOR SURE
That I will not add "The Secretary" to my favorite movies. Have had it here for awhile, so today being cold, turned on the warm fire....and nestled back to watch and indulge a movie some told me was good for BDSM.
Good that I love James Spader (esp. in his new show The Blacklist and liked Boston Legal too) and whiel I am enjoying Him......the movie well.......
good the fireplace is on, other than the crack from the spanking....an hour into it and I am left cold.
Surely there are better BDSM movies around with a story, plot, and eroticism? If not.maybe i should leave nusing and write and then Direct......goodness! |
|
|
|
|
Continuation from earlier writing today
"A Dangerous Method" the movie
Carl Jung with the woman discusses sexual fusion "losing oneself in the other" destroying ones own individuality...and they then agree to disagree with Freud..."Perhaps true sexuality DEMANDS the destruction of the EGO" which then leads to the whipping scene........Powerfully interesting!
|
|
|
|
|
Today i know for sure:
I DETEST comcast cable service....no service with desktop but on laptop? sigh and so its teaching me patience to WAIT for a service tech who hopefully has a brain.
WHAT I WANTED TO SAY TODAY though...was..Interesting MOVIE..A Dangerous Method from 2011 with Keira Knightly...basd on true story of Carl Jung and Sig. Freud.
One quote towards the end about having to lose the "ego" to enjoy ? and then you see him whipping her.....well, assuming my TV keeps working, heading back to search for it, should someone care to read"
sigh.........Life is all about Patience!
|
|
|
|
|
Tonight what I know for sure
three of my favorite movies
1. Nine and a Half Weeks
2. Wild Orchid
3. Memoirs of a Geisha
Sayuri Nitta: [turns around to face him again]" Can't you see? Every step I have taken, since I was that child on the bridge, has been to bring myself closer to you." |
|
|
|
|
I KNOW NOTHING FOR SURE
Its a new day.....sun is shining. AGain I talked and talked, phone....met.....only to find disappointment. Oh yes, and I just changed my profile a tad while I rewrite it.
I need to find some words that men will understand.
OH yes, and I need to go back and add if you have ADD or ADHD please do not knock on my door...that won't work....for sure. I don't consider a scene 1-1.5 hours other than at the pet store I once saw mice.."mousie fucking"
Leaves me butt chillin cold....
I am from the OLD SCHOOL where people took time to know the person online, phone and in meeting before jumping into "play"
If you don't understand I will be glad to help You.....No, i am not a princess but i am also not a whore to be fucked with freely....( it brings out my topping side)
and makes me very sad. SAd that people don't know themselves or what they want..people that talk a good line to use people....
|
|
|
|
|
Back to Phila for a long week to visit....i forgot how much I missed this area....goodness so much colder than where I am now, and talk about rain? guess I didnt pic the right week to come, lol.
Wonderful shopping...OH how I miss it............sigh. someday soon I will be back here again. BUT such traffic...that i do NOT MISS...giggle |
|
|
|
|
Today I realize for Sure:
WE are such material creatures. I have found a cure for hoarders. They need to have someone die in their lives that they love. Then, they need to have to sort through their years of posessions and things they collected and that were handed down from family.
Then they would have to watch a house that was in their family for 113 years, have to be on the market for only a third of what it should bring.
Then, I would lead them to their house. They would have to prepare it to be put on the market to sell. They would have to decide what to pitch, donate, keep or give.
And, as my ex husband said after our first house had been packed by movers even. All the boxes were out on the front lawn waiting to be loaded. He said "If anyone would walk by here and offer me a dollar for any box, I would sell it."
So, today I know that our Greatest possessions we have our in our minds! |
|
|
|
|
Today I know for sure:
I refound an OLD Master....."silver-haired hero dressed in black who rode tall in the saddle in B Westerns on a WHITE HORSE....from 1935-1948. A Master before I was born, and whom I watched faithfully for years....and now he is back again.....:)
oh well, a girl has to do something while she cries and packs 50+ years of her parents belongings....what an undaunting task........
and sad.....
I miss them both terribly....and long for a new love and passion in my life.
I guess the SilverHaired Master of the films will just have to do for now. |
|
|
|
|
TODAY WHAT I KNOW FOR SURE
The rollercoaster ride if OVER. For those of you who have stayed with my many Thanks...thought we no doubt really know one another.
I know its lonely after having a Mom stay with you for a year and four months. I Know I DO NOT LIKE the rollercoaster OF LIFE and the ups and DOWNS.....the pain it brings and the CHANGES being the worst.
Mom saw my son on SUnday and after that was downhill...she slept in her chair Sunday night being comfortable with medication...Monday I managed to get her to bed....and that was the last she was Up. She hugged me tightly in the transfer...and I hugged her back.
A long day Monday I sat....talking to her about heaven and beautiful things....and went to bed. She died while a caretaker watcher over her and awakened me at 2:21. All went well so far until it took the funeral home nearly 3 hours to get here with (plenty of notice it would be soon before)
But we talked even during the wait.....I know a person can hear and that their soul? spirit? stays around, I have had acutal proof working in nursing.
so now the hard part......bills....houses...sales......putting my boots on and not looking forward to it.
Reminds me of the divorce.....and all the bull___ i had to wade through.....only praying for the day I could "just be bored and relax"
hugs to you all
s |
|
|
|
|
today I KNOW FOR SURE
I do NOT Like being on this rollercoaster of having someone hang in the balance of life and death. KNOW THAT NEW BOOK? 50 Shades of Gray? I should have written it about Death and Dying.....I know God (or whoever you call him/her) is trying to teach me Patience NO Master has ever taught me.....but I am tired and drained.(pun intended) Indeed not how I would like to be drained.
No life...and yet I serve to honor my parent in these damn jaws of life and death. One minute she closes her eyes (without drugs) and next eating a hot dog and beans......Even being a nurse I thought I could be an Island and do this alone.....but realize NO MAN IS AN ISLAND! so called in help....when she sleeps so I can sleep.
Thanks for/to all who share my journey......
Enjoy the pretty weather when its here....I forgot how much I love smelling the fresh air and sunshine......its nice when I can get out.
Carpe Diem! |
|
|
|
|
(A New Year an ODD One)
I can only wonder how strange a year this will be....what wonders of the universe has in store for me and mine. Sometimes I feel as though we are as ants...plugging away, working, living...to what infinitesimle (spelling?) purpose?
and yet, we keep hoping there is a purpose...whether a smile that you bring to someone, or joy someone feels from material or mental.
Ah yes, and there is that gray matter of which we all have....some use.....and lol, some choose not too...and yet, others have no idea how to use. Such funny creatures are we! Someone surely must be laughing if they are watching................ |
|
|
|
|
Today I know...It sure as H__ wasnt the end of the world, lol
Her mind continues to decline. Funny tonight in a sick way, I was sharing with her childhood friend, that she was trying to make her timer into a clock. Her friend responded to me...well ' You have helped her to come to this.'
and I had to laugh. I tried my best to honor my parents..and yet, keeping her physically alive has only prolonged the inevitable of her mind being lost.
How totally messed up is the human body...and t his healthcare system to which I belong? |
|
|
|
|
Today I know this for sure
Its been quite awhile since I have written. My Mother is now nearing the end of her days.......she is on constant oxygen since October..and cant seem to get off of it. Somedays are good, most fair to poor. My time is taken up with caring for her instead of giving to a Master.
During these past two months between getting ready for her last Xmas....and preparing for the end of the world.....( also her birthday) and caring for her......its been busy.
To all who have written I thank you. To those who understand I thank you even more. Please continue to search and good luck to those of you who desire a real submissive. just as I hope for a Real Master and not just a Dominant or one who thinks he is. Most do not even understand the difference. I am picky, seek quality, someone who does NOT LIE..( I detest dishonesty) and is trustworthy of not only my body, but mind and spirit and soul.......someday. For now, I can only offer you my words. There is way too much baggage and I feel no one should begin a relationship with baggage. I have no time now
to define relationship. I desire someone who I can give too...love..who is keen , observant and imaginative, and REAL. If you Lie....the truth will always come out. No Married men, for many reasons.....but mostly they would not be able to travel, go places see things and do things and eat things when my time comes for freedom. I desire to EAT PRAY AND LOVE.......lol oh yes, and laugh and cry too.
Happy Holidays to All of You.....please be honest, but mostly and firstly honest with Yourself! |
|
|
|
|
WHAT I KNOW TODAY
The hurricaine Sandy is coming..how close? so I prepare by a long overdue project of putting Xmas and Easter away in boxes and also upping things from the floor in case water comes in? yikes.
I wanted to listen to something while working but no cable box..( no longer can you even get ONE channel on a tv without paying..what a world.
So in doing so, I realized that my favorite film is no longer WILD ORCHID. I put in PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. I saw it once in NYC but if there would go weekly. The music is SO POWERFUL..I wonder if Andrew Lloyd Weber was Dominant? Wonderful music and words, listen if you have time.I wish I could sing like the women who play the lead.
Thanks for reading and hoping You are safe and dry, whomever you might be! |
|
|
|
|
While still " attempting to live in the moment" days of sweat and sweetness......I enjoyed A Good Year of 2006 with Russell Crowe......wish i had taken French.....but the movie reminds me of being in Ireland about 9 years ago.......so I shall close my eyes and imagine. If one, wants to be taken away....i suggest watching the 6 year old movie. |
|
|
|
|
What I don't know for sure........
I reread my last posting....almost two months ago. I spoke of giving my son advice re his business life.......and now I find myself without a job.
Having spent 35 years in my profession (healthcare and giving) I for the first time quit a job. It seems I disagreed with my director- standing up for what I believed to be older peoples rights. Obviously she felt I questioned her authority and took an immediate negative action giving me an action plan and then a suspension until she investigated.
I have no doubt that she found my patients to say nothing but the best ( those who have their cognition). However.I didnt stick around and sadly left without notice (which does not make me proud)....more importantly.....I KNoW THIS FOR SURE:
I can NOT work for someone who does not trust me. Many years ago I realized this in another job but left it fly I also know working 5 days was too much plus caring for my Mother.
This however I also do know for sure. I know I will be guided into finding something, hopefully to be a compensurate salary and if not, to learn something .
You see,,,,,,,i believe in having the faith of a mustard seed and knowing that somehow i will be guided.
What I don't know is to what......and if i will be able to recognize it when it comes....Hopefully it will be like the book I once read....called "A WHACK ON THE SIDE OF THE HEAD" It was about creativity and imaginaion.
Have a nice day. |
|
|
|
|
Its been awhile...since i have picked a piece of my mind.....to see what i know for sure.
Today my son called...during the conversation while discussing his being 29 and trying to decide what to do in his business life.....he asked what I thought. I was humbled. I see that again once a parent always a parent, and it is wonderful to be needed and wanted.
What was my answer to him? I gave him some points to think about...mainly passion. I told him this week I heard that You should do what You are "passionate" about...and then the money will come. Not to work for money.
I also told him to think of the future.in his computer business..and yet, I read, and learn about IF we will have a future after 12/21/12, my Mothers 87th birthday if she is still here.
I also tried to teach my Mom two things I recently heard that made sense. We are to be Thankful to ___ (whomever you believe in ) and tell them of our thanks. Not only on earth but in the heavens above.
Also.....ask Big. Sometimes we dream and ask for too many little things. I guess its kinda like seeing the little picture and not the Big one?
Have a wonderful day and try to Live in the Moment
|
|
|
|
|
What I know for Sure to Begin this Year:
I often read this, and thought it might help someone else to read and hold onto.....
A FAVORITE Saying!
There are things we don’t want to happen
But have to accept
Thing’s we don’t want to know but have to learn
People we can’t live without but have to let go
While this may not be what I want
I do it and take the high road
Maybe because I look at things as a lesson
Or because I don’t want to walk around angry
Or, maybe because I understand.
I’m thankful for my years
For everything we shared
Every chance we have to grow
I’ll take the best of them with me
And lead by example wherever I go!
Author: anonymous
May All who read Have a learning, healthy and happy New 2012! |
|
|
|
|
My Birthday
Yes, it actually is, and now only two years away from the BIG 60....yikes
so here is what I KNOW FOR SURE today:
A friend said....What are you doing for Your birthday? I said..giving MOm her pills..resting till she wakes up having a cup of tea...making her pancakes and sausage, oj and coffee..then giving morepills.then taking her BP....and her oxygen level. Cleaning up...doing laundry.
Then watching her sleep for hour and half......then making lunch, quiche and carrots and chicken. A sticky bun to help add to her 95 pounds is possible.
Then listening to her complain about how old and tired she feels and hard to breathe. (she smoked for..60 years and now has COPD) Gave her a breathing treatment.....
took her for a wheel chair ride.....in the beautiful sunshine and then she sat on the deck in the warm Pa sun (in November?)
and I felt sorry for myself....that I wasnt with a wonderful man , enjoying someplace Great, wild or fun..or peaceful and exotic , erotic and sensual.
and then.....a tiny voice said.....You sitill have one parent who was next to death only a month ago.
so...I know for Sure how quickly WE can forget.....and HOW Fragile live is...and again How important it is to LIVE In the Moment and to GIVE! |
|
|
|
|
Thanksgiving Day
Today I know for sure: I am grateful to have my Mother of near 86 years with me on this day and my being home not working. Such a beautiful day......to all who read this I wish You had/have the same. The aroma of the kitchen is nice....with being single I rarely cook anymore and have such good comfort smells......i miss it.
I thought perhaps some would enjoy my little story:
Sharing another precious moment...and yes, DO NOT TAKE anyone for granted......this I have learned
so I had the chicken in since 8.....well done by 10.....holding it. now got it out of the broth to make gravy.....taters ready......creamed corn filled with butter and sugar and added lots of butter and cream cheese to taters for mom to gain weight....( great for her but NOT great for me....lol ) peas with onions.....all ready. I thought well we can just microwave the plate, that way it will all be hot.....oh yeah, in bird stuffing and out of bird stuffing. I love oyster stuff but I forgot oysters and only I like it.
anyway....here is theprecious moment..while I was folding clothes and getting all ready...I thought it strange she didnt ask to help but figured she was tired...she was reading paper and watching parade.
finally all ready......i look over......and she is sound asleep.........
so, peacful grin.........all will hole with no one coming......and I shall wait for sleep to give way to her belly growling...and watch the dog show that comes on next.....then she will eat more...all 94 pounds of her.....lol
sue
Happy Thanksgiving to You and Yours
PS...Football....yucky, none of that for me....rofl |
|
|
|
|
Friday
Today, I know for Sure.....that I love to shop. Doesn't every woman? Yesterday I went to visit Mom and see the MD first thing..then spent time at the outlets searching for bargins. Then, back for lunch with her, and shopping again. I came home with a car full of things, some for me (which I don't like doing around Christmas) and some for a few others.
I love to Give. (But I guess that is par for most subs/slaves) I think it stems from my childhood. I would take my grandfather's spools of thread ( he was a tailor). And, i would wrap them up and take them down the street to my Mother as a present. She would open them....and seem excited. I also enjoyed getting "little things" for presents, and being an only child, I did get probably too much.
Now while You might think this is good....is it? It has made me a materialistic person to a degree. I look around my house (which is too large for me truly at this age) and I think, why? Am I so unhappy that I fill a void? And yet, most things I would gladly give if someone admired them.
The things I would keep are those that were given to me by my parents and those I care for in life. Part of memories I guess.
When my ex and I were selling our first house, actually I was selling it....a woman went through. She said to me " I love your antiques and your Art Deco bathroom. I called my Mom, and told her..." I thought I had "hand-me-downs" and......that bathroom? it had the ugliest lavender tile, that we didnt want to rip off, so I painted the ceiling black, had a black shower curtain and put a skirt around the old sink and chrome lights on the wall.
When I used to teach aides in nursing I would tell them. You are now 85 and being taken to a nursing home. You can choose 5 things from your house to take, you only have this much space to put belongings in...what do You take?
The answers always amazed me- as did the look on their faces.
I know this.....People don't really take time to stop and think about what is truely important in their lives......and, few take time to truely, truely, LIVE IN THE MOMENT! |
|
|
|
|
For the years on here, I would journal...and write: What I know for Sure.
11/15/11
I found few took the time to read, few took the time to really know the person. That in itself saddened me but did tell me alot. So today, with the oncoming events in my life, I have decided to start again. If only for myself that I might read, look back and enjoy and perhaps copy for a diary of sorts. And yes, that perhaps an unusual sort of Man will read and enjoy and take the time required.
Why do I start now? Because I realize life is too precious to waste. My last remaining parent is ill again , its been two years since her stent was blocked and I am amazed that her life was spared this long. Being a nurse, of 34 years, I know how to care, and I know how to care for, and yet I know for sure that I can still Learn.
I have always been curious which type of death is more cruel. To have someone go quickly without having the time to say goodbye, or watching someone lose control of their mind and /or body and have the time to watch them slide slowly to the other side. I suppose now I will have experience before long, in both and might make a conclusion....or not. (That I don't know for sure, lol) And yes, I know it IS important to continue to SMILE, and Continue to laugh even amongst the tears.
|
|
|
|
|
Perhaps I shall start to journal again.....to what avail? Maybe the sanity of my mind...so I will start with a journal entry of 2/08 few will ever read back too no doubt....
Found something tonight that my Great Grandmother saved :
Abundant Living
Think deeply
Speak gently
Laugh Often
Work Hard
Give freely
Pay promptly
Pray earnestly
Be Kind
There is a reason...today is called today.....and yesterday is history. There is however a valuable lesson in our past....and the past of others
quote from
Me
Ps I try daily to savor and "Live in the Moment" |
|
|
|
|
|
A woman laughing is a woman conquered.
Napoleon |
|
|
|
|
From a Friend online.....I shall quote a favorite writing
To my coy lady (with a nod to Andrew Marvell)
We haven't world enough and time
So your coyness Lady is truly a crime.
Sitting and thinking steals from our day
And the rubies you seek are long washed away.
There's hardly room for love to grow
Amid wrinkled skin and hair of snow.
And of course the chariot draws ever near
As does the bar we must eventually clear.
So let us focus on a single thing
And let its attainment give us cause to sing.
To hell with the iron gates of life
There's an easier route filled less with strife.
Our garments we should tear away
And skinny dip in some nearby bay.
It's a simple pleasure, one we both can share
Splashing about now and musing later in a rocking chair.
And while our sun will stand not still
We can pave his way with memories of that thrill.
And in the time that's left to us
Gathering rosebuds would be a plus.
|
|
|
|
|
and then there is today;
Three passions have governed my life:
The longings for love, the search for knowledge,
And unbearable pity for the suffering of [humankind].
Love brings ecstasy and relieves loneliness.
In the union of love I have seen
In a mystic miniature the prefiguring vision
Of the heavens that saints and poets have imagined.
With equal passion I have sought knowledge.
I have wished to understand the hearts of [people].
I have wished to know why the stars shine.
Love and knowledge led upwards to the heavens,
But always pity brought me back to earth;
Cries of pain reverberated in my heart
Of children in famine, of victims tortured
And of old people left helpless.
I long to alleviate the evil, but I cannot,
And I too suffer.
This has been my life; I found it worth living.
adapted
Bertrand Russell |
|
|
|
|
Today these are some of the things I know for sure:
We know the truth, not only by the reason, but by the heart.
*Blais Pascal
....He is richest who is content with the least; for content is the wealth of nature.
*Socrates
. . . happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely upon what you think.
*Dale Carnegie
No one has ever become poor by giving
*Anne Frank
Learn to be quiet enough to hear the sound of the genuine within yourself so that you can hear it in others.
*Marian Wright Edelman
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.
*Antoine de Sanit-Exupery
The most visible creators I now of are those artists whose medium is life itself. The ones who express the inexpressible, without brush, hammer, clay or guitar.
They neither paint, nor sculpt- their medium is being. Whatever their presence touches has increased life. They see and don't have to draw. They are the artists of being live....
*unknown
Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile
* Albert Einstein
In all the world, nothing exceeds desires for that which a woman needs, not the wealth of jewels or the bread of the fields. In all the nights when thinking of what it is she searches for, she prepares for the day that in the clear and present space of her life, it is suddenly there.
* L. Lopez*
|
|
|
|
|
My favorite quotes today of Anais Nin: She would be 105 as of 2-21-08
"We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are."
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
"I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding |
|
|
|
|
Found something tonight that my Great Grandmother saved :
Abundant Living
Think deeply
Speak gently
Laugh Often
Work Hard
Give freely
Pay promptly
Pray earnestly
Be Kind |
|
|
|
|
Where does the time go? I feel each day that I am minus a Master and wonder if I am wasting time. Time is so precious, what we make of it. I wish I had more energy. For me when in a relationship energy seems to be more bountiful, is it the giving? And yet, in life there are so many one can give too. Is it the depth that I miss?
A man online rudely encouraged me the other day to do the profile. You know, the likes, loves, tolerates, dislikes...what do you think? Is that what men want to know? Is that stopping some from speaking to me? I rarely but glance at them, so many things to put down....and.....again I question. How can you say you like, love or dislike something until you are in a relationship?
I have enjoyed something with one Master, and not with another...does it depend on HIS likes and loves...sure. Would I want to eat the lobster I love everynight, yes. But, if I knew the odor sickened my Master or if he didn't enjoy a seafood rest.......I surely would lose my love of it. Does that make any sense?
And how can you categorize things...so many moods...depends on the day..and to say one is an expert? Hmm, intersting...I can't think of myself as being an expert in any way..and I would enjoy hearing and possibly meeting someone who truely was...how do you define being an expert?I would say i have had alot of experiences..and yet to someone from Calif.or perhaps in the Black Rose... I would surely pale....but to someone perhaps from around where I now live...alot. And alot of experience can also be the difference meaning variety or depth no? There is just so much out there to feel, breathe and experience in this world.....where are the people who can share their knowledge?
They say "when the student is ready the Master will appear" I realize it's after Christmas, but say, BaHumg or as my Grandpa used to say....."Hogwash". Thanks for reading. |
|
|
|
|
Two entries in one day..is that the way to begin a new year? Why do I write, I have no idea but thought perhaps someone might read,and give thought to what I say.. to justify my being, or because I have no desire for a blog outside of this world.
Today in someones profile I read a quote that touched me. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do, than by the ones you did do....Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade wind in your sails. Dream, Discover." Mark Twain
Tonight I came home from working with the elderly. Often I run as soon as I get to work trying to accomplish everything possible, to make their lives better. Tonight I took time to savor them in a new light. You look at their wrinkles, and think of everything that has gone into that one line. Was it joy with their children ? What were their lives like? One woman always wants me to call her mother because she knows she worries and will be expecting her home. Another woman is comforted by being called "Mother" and a man "Pappy". When entering their rooms you see pictures of how they were when their lives were full and vibrant.
I am reminded of my uncle at age 86 who told me he would think....who is I and what did I do with my life, He didn't feel HE accomplished much. I think back to that and say.....what large things did or have I accomplished. And yet, I am reminded at work nightly...bringing a simple smile to someone is a Great Gift. We are each put here on this Earth or chose this planet to come too( in other thinkings) for a reason.
So back to the quote, do I desire to accomplish more and give more and share more and travel more and see things and do things more? You bettcha. However:
Tonight I leave saying, I am happy in my reason. Do you know your reason? I believe you do perhaps it will only take a little thought. I wish you well.
Thank you for taking the time to read. |
|
|
|
|
Some ask, what do you seek in a Master? I reply, in so few words ..how do you tell someone? And yet recently I have come to find words that describe my feelings.
A True Master would be able to utter these words....
I Know You
I know you
I know your feelings,
I know your desires
I know your needs.
I know your fears.
I know you
I know your dreams.
I know your smile.
I know your tears.
I know your look.
I know you.
I know you.
Because I have learned to feel.
To resonate with the knowledge of your memories.
To breathe the same scents from the rose.
The same dew from the web.
The same sweetness of captivity.
That is your souls desire.
I stand there with the knowledge.
I stand there with the power.
I hold the door open.
and speak the words you feel.
Because I know you.
All of your life has brought you to this point.
During that time
You slowly worked out the clouds
And the winds
That fogged your direct desires.
You have never known yourself
As much as
I know you.
Others never knew you.
You shyly hid the only truth.
They would never care to know you.
You knew they would never understand.
And you stand in facing a sunset.
These coulds blowing away
If you care to listen closely
The wind whispers in your ear
I know you.
by Steven Craig
If you have read this, and understand, then perhaps you will be one step closer.
Allow me to also say, that a True submissive or slave would understand and hear these words were you to speak them and truely mean them.
A True Master , would also understand and hear these words were you to speak them and truely mean them to him.
Some speak of Giving and Power being Dominant qualities
and yet I ask, do not Both Hold the Power and do not Both do the Giving?
I believe they do
for
I know You.
Live in the Moment
Live in this Moment
|
|
|
|
|
Tonight is unusual, I am awake late and reading profiles and yet I am tired. I reread my profile to be sure it was up to date. I came across my journal entry of July. It was barely a month ago, and yet I don't recall writing it. It was mine, yes, where has the time gone in only a month? I came across the delete account. I toy with pushing the button and yet, I continue to hesitate. It still fits, it describes me and is from my heart and yet there is something missing.
How can one put into words all that is to be said?
I read one man's profile tonight. He describes himself as erudite( I had to look that up) and his profile seemed very high-brow. I had to smile, often I am complimented by many saying after they speak to me that I am intelligent, and yet I feel quite the norm. Do others perceive us as how we wish to be understood? or how we really are?
This man's profile spoke to me so much with what He said, and yet I find myself reluctant to even compliment him on it. Surely it would mean little to Him. And yet His words ring so true. He speaks of submissives cocooning. How true, I find that part of me continues to want a Master, and yet I struggle to fit it into my life.
How do you find someone close? Someone that speaks the truth? Someone that sees themselves in the same light as others see them? How many really know themselves? How many continue to grow and evaluate new things that they learn?
As negative as it sounds, I truely feel it is hopeless. I want no pity. I suppose it has to do with my being put on this planet to learn patience. I still struggle. I still futily search and hope.
|
|
|
|
|
When communication is key to this life, how do you reach out with merely words to tell others what you seek? How do you help someone to hear your heart, hear the inflections in your voice that make You, you? How do you allow your sensuality flow?
There is so much in this lifestyle to experience, and yet, everyday i go without a Master, i feel part of me dies. i have so much to give, such a precious gift, and yet one has to be so careful. It reminds me of being young and counting my dollars I had in my little purse. My Mother cautioned me against counting my money in public.
And it also reminds me of taking my son to the emerald and ruby quarries. You would take a sleuce pan and try to find the gems among the rubble and rocks. Often times people would look quickly and dump pecious gems over the side. They would lay there and wait......or....lay there forever untouched. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
| Age: 41 |
| Ashland,
Kentucky |
|
|
|
| |
