Regarding your vanilla husband/partner's lack of interest in Dominating you as you desire and may need.
(Refreshed Nov 1 2012, since this situation is my most common query from sub-curious women here in collarme.)
What advice can I give to you, a submissive curious woman, who wants her partner to be more aggressive and Dominant in your bedroom? You want to be totally obedient and boldly and bluntly talked to like the kneeling submissive, even slut, you want to feel like. Safely, a slave, his total serving pleasure object. To be helpless during that time, to only be his slave. Why does he resist your clear desire communicated to become your Master and controller? Is it you, are you not attractive enough any more? Are you strange or unbalanced in your requests?
Should you talk about it more, or consider separating in the future and looking for another? Is this complicated? The house, the kids, the jobs? The rat race? Are you crazy? In general, no you are not crazy, you are not odd, and you are most likely quite attractive and if you offered to serve room full of men as their sex slave for one night, you would be overwhelmed with offers.
My first advice is be careful with emotions and urges. Feel them, and think about them. Maybe find a person who likes the D/s way of pleasures to talk with. Do not be rash in decisions. I recommend the two week rule for all your decisions. If you decide to go outside your relationship and try serving another Dominant man to know if you love it so much, make the decision, mark your calendar but revisit the decision one and then two weeks later before you actually do it. Same for other potentially big changes. Leaving, splitting up, even starting online submission to another man or woman.
My second advice is this: it is not your level of attractiveness. You likely have every day sex with your partner, and he likely becomes aroused, erect and screws you for a minute or more depending on his desire to regulate the ejaculation time. You just are not getting the hair pulling, firm commanding forcing you to kneel and suck action that makes you feel totally sex slave! But, not all men or women are inherently able to DOMinate you sexually. There are big gruff men who think nothing of engaging in a fist fight with other men on a bar night, but have no ability to be firm and Masterfully dominant with their woman in the bedroom. I have seen men like this kneeling and slaving themselves to ProDominant women in her office to get their secret craving to be worthless groveling slaves. Those men will never DOMinate their partners in the bedroom. Which means it is not you, and you should also NOT be mad at your husband/partner if they will not Dominate you. Chances are, if you did not tell them you had to have this before you got married, how can they be blamed in any way if you find you honestly want or need it now. You may also have just discovered your desire and even need to submit, long after you got married.
This brings me to my third advice for you today. Do not equate the inability to Dominate you as a measure of his LOVE for you. He can Love you lots, and not ever be able to transform into your firm, strong Master. So think two or three times BEFORE deciding to go walking. Love is hard to find, so do not blow a good thing. This vanilla partner may not ever spank you, but will he be there you hold you close a night when you are both 64? Most DOM/MES on here, especially the brutal ones, will dump you when they desire fresh meat. It may be hard to get your hubby to take you back at that point?
My forth advice. Consider what you can live with, without going crazy. Not exploring submission physically, or finding a secret Master to feed your desires in submission on the side? Decide carefully whose love you want. If you want your partner's love, you will have to consider if you can have your vanilla home life, while you secretly play in "fixes" of kinky slave submission to your bad-boy Master. The fix that may let you feel relaxed and enjoy your vanilla life see its half full glass, not the half empty one. Be careful about trying to be at Master's beckon call 24/7, while staying in your marriage and managing your kids school, the household and maybe working outside the home too. Also, realize that long term relationship with your Master will put you in danger of falling in Love with your Master, and you may find you cannot love your current partner.
So follow the two weeks rule, the moment you think about leaving your husband or current relationship: take at least two weeks to breath, stop, think again, before you move forward.
Good luck with your choices.
DrK (Sirrreall)