I've been pondering things again. What is it that works, and what works at different stages of a relationship with a play partner or lover. Years ago I heard D/s broken down into body/mind/heart/soul. But what does that all really mean?

Very early in playing with someone. I might offer a shoulder massage. Talking to them as things proceed. Fingertips gently rubbing up the back of the neck.

"Would you like me to pull your hair?"

"Yes please."

And then a minute later they've stopped listening to what I am saying, and have that silly smile on their face. No decision, no action. They have submitted to the act.

Later on, I might ask them to fetch me a drink.

"If you want to talk to me about taking things further, when you return you will kneel and present the drink to me respectfully."

Now the idea of deliberate submission has been planted. but it is very much optional. They can tell me to get my own damn drink. They can get a drink and hand it to me. Or they can kneel and present it. In the desired outcome, they have made a concious decision to submit to the instruction.

Surely that's it. There's your submission. We're all set, right? And it comes time for us to go our separate ways.

"I have had a great time. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

But almost out of the blue, they hold my eye for a moment, before dropping their gaze. Their body language is focussed. And they kneel, without instruction, without discussion.

"It has been my pleasure to serve, Sir."

And this is something new. There was no expectation. But clearly it is an act of submission. But not to an act, not to an instruction. This expression is a submission to the person.

And then I walk my way, free of distractions, free of expectations. And still I AM a dominant. This is a state of identity. Of being.

So that's my little fiction to explore the stages of dominating body, mind, heart, and soul. It's there for the ideas, not the events. But I enjoyed presenting it in this format.