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.....why do submissives that I have already turned away message me asking me to own them? I mean really? What the hell is wrong with them? Maybe I was too nice when I told them I didn't want them? Or was it just a general spam message because I'm not listed as a submissive and live in their area? It just irks me something fierce. |
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Working 7-day work weeks is evil.
Starting out on 3rd shift to boot.
Good bye what little social life I had.
I don't get on here much now. Working so much would be why.
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Regret...
Pouring from my soul.
Foolish girl.
I made my choice.
Now I must stand by it,
through Hellfire and Sorrow
and Understand...
I will never be free from my own foolishness.
....yeah... feeling a little bit depressed and upset over things... Thus this disgusting bit of emotional drivel.
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I really do not like how they've done the chatrooms. Though it may be just because you have to be invited into some rooms.
...now I'm wondering if I gave offense to an Op somehow.... (Except there are rooms I had never entered and could not get in...) Ah well.
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Love.
A gift of infinite joy.
A tool of infinite torture.
I have seen both sides of this emotion, enough to make me throw my hands up and call quits.
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Well I'm feeling more neutral again, a little bit dominant even....
Also, if you really want to chat with me, I'm normally in the UnOwned_Subbie_Room.
Really love the people in there, and it can be very interesting.
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Feeling extra submissive lately.
Been feeling so lonely... even though I am NOT alone...
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I just realized that I've been reading this wonderful webcomic for absolute months and never mentioned it!
Collar 6 is absolutely one of my top favorite webcomics, quite easily. A nice fantasy, BDSM-themed webcomic, which I always anxiously wait for the next update on. I'm smitten by the art and the story!
Major kudos to the artist!
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Emotional upheaval in my life again.
Maybe I need to learn to do without friends. Things only get tangled up otherwise.
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Sometimes I think that maybe I think too much.
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Stress + me = physical pain.
Stress + me + friends with cigarettes = smoking
Stress = Bad news all together
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Laptop is officially dead. Computer time is random.
Also... why do people message me and tell me what I need? How do they know? Perfect strangers can know nothing, so why do they seem to think they know what I need?
I'm content with my current status: Switch, unpartnered, single.
I'm quite happy chatting as friends, but do not expect to move beyond that unless I say otherwise.
I have my eye on whom I might change single/unpartnered for, but that's a long time off yet I feel.
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Well, since my laptop works when it pleases, I will be disappearing for the duration of the holiday season most likely.
Especially as I try to survive my family this season...
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Survived cousin's Catholic wedding. That was a close one! Kidding.
The ceremony was beautiful, everyone looked amazing. I was moved to tears from joy. Also got me a bit antsy to find my own partner(s?). I suppose it wouldn't have hit me so hard if I could have brought a guest with me...
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As my personal computer is dead, I have little privacy. Most replies will be short, if they occur at all.
Also, this means I don't have access to any pictures to post on my profile. (Having a twinge of regret for taking everything down in my little fit earlier this month.)
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I'm hoping to win so I'm posting this here!
http://.com/sit_on_santas_lap
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So few changes, but with so great an impact...
I'm still trying to figure out if all the things I think are going on really are.
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Looking at different schools in the UW system. Balancing classes and majors against rumors and stats (murder, rape, kidnap, etc.).
Why must it be so hard to find a good school that is also safe?
...I wish the world wasn't such an ugly place...
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I feel like death warmed over and I start work today at my new job. If this were a hangover (I've never had one) then I could deal... ...I'll spare details, but suffice it to say I am wishing I started work tomorrow or Wednesday instead so I could possibly perform at closer to my best... or even moderately decently.
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I got a new job yesterday and today is my birthday!! Woohoo I'm having a good week!
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Got my upper cartilage pierced on my right ear. That felt wonderful. I might be a little addicted to piercings now...
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Is it really that hard for people to understand that I am NOT owned and that I do NOT WANT TO BE?
I am hoping to be mentored as a Domme, not a submissive (I only submit when I want to. Not a very good sub if you want someone to obey all the time).
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Something was brought to my attention yesterday, a fact I had been ignoring. It sickens me to realize what I had become, what I had let myself become.
No more. I'm cutting those people out of my life that assisted in me being this way. I don't want to be around them.
Next thing I need to do is find at least one job (yay unemployed and looking for work) and a volunteer project to take up my time. Maybe then I'll actually be worth knowing.
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I'm so tired of it all. I'm tired of being alone and being lonely. I'm tired of the games people play and the games I play. I just want things to start happening, to start moving forward with my life. I want the people I love to be happy, and to maybe be allowed to be happy with them... I'm sick of all of the b.s. and all the fake faces people wear to hide themselves. I'm just sick of it all.
I sound like a whiny emo child right now. "Oh I want this. Oh I want that."
I sound bitter. I am, I guess. How sad, to be so young and bitter. Damn, I could write my own epitaph, my own elegy and it would be perfect. I am in such a morbid mood right now. No worries though. I'm not actually the type to do anything but talk about this kind of stuff.
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Well life is complicated for me now... My ex still wants me but does not wish to share me. Problem is, I am polyamorous and he's essentially asking me to behave as if I were a completely monogamous person. We had been considering getting back together but now... Now I'm not certain of what I want to do.
I love him, but he is asking me to go against my nature and be his and his alone. I do not know that I can limit my heart (or my affection). I tried that for years and it did not work...
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I'm so excited right now. I feel like the entire world is amazing. There's an energy in the air that is making me believe in miracles and magic. I just feel like the world is going to be alright, that something very good is bound to happen. I'm just waiting for it, looking for it, putting all my energy into seeing it. Maybe I should go for a walk at the nature preserve at home... That sounds like a nice, centering thing to do. Who knows what might happen... |
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I went to a cookout yesterday with a ('nilla) friend and it ended up being amazing. Despite having been invited several times in the past, I had never made any effort to attend. It was rather nice to finally put a voice/presence to the host, whom I had known previously online.
I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I'm wary of attending events when I don't know anyone... Turned out a friend of mine knew the host, so I was able to go and feel calm about it. I just wish I had found out that they knew each other earlier. I would have attended the parties much, much sooner. I am very much looking forward to the next cookout/party/whatever. Actually, I can hardly wait. Everyone I met there was... so awesome.
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Meh- a sound made by me.
Meh= I hear you but will probably still do what I want anyways. Also translated as "Ok, whatever"
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On a conversation in DaddyDom/subgirl chat (on a really slow morning too!):
Me: I need to find a rock.
Me: A really really big rock.
Me: Preferably granite or marble.
Me: I need something to smash my head on in frustration.
Me: If I'm lucky I'll get a concussion or pass out from bloodloss.... yeah that sounds good.
WTD: No PA... banging your head on a rock is NOT a good idea... the rock always wins.
Me: but it hurts so good...bad... well it hurts anyways.
Me: and it hurts less than pissy dom rants!
WTD: well be that as it may, please do NOT do it
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Home life gone to hell in handbasket.
Debating closing profile on this site.
Giving up on anything I enjoy in general (other than work, because for some reason I actually like work).
In general I am in a bad mood and want to purge everything and start anew.
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Further Random Poetry:
Light flirtation,
Dancing conversation,
A Courtship or Just Entertainment?
Either, neither, both.
I'm earth, mold me.
I'm fire, you can use me.
I'm wind, you can't catch me.
I'm water, you need me.
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Beautiful Life
Let me dream you
I do not think that I could stand to wake
From this dream-like existence
So please,
Be kind to me, be cruel
Let me keep on dreaming of you
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Joys of self-discovery leave me at the conclusion that I am or will become a switch. How happy I am over that... not. It just seems like one great detering factor. I know that mentally I am more submissive, but physically I seem to be more aggressive. I am trying to understand this. It is very rare that I desire control in a situation, and not more than 5 minutes total ever.
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Recently I have discovered a love for shiny materials, pvc, latex, vinyl even... and an interest in wearing them... for the right people of course! Or maybe just for one right person...
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I just hate it when people say things that seem sincere, then when gone over a second time seem more.. sinister or even just an emotional mind-fuck. I love people, I really do. I just wish I knew who I could trust... who I could love without having to worry that their words are nothing more than a ploy...
I want to love... So.. I give my love to my dear friends. Thank you for seeing me through my little trials and my times of need. Thank you all. You all mean the world to me.
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....I love people... No really... I just love them to death...
So because I am NOT seeking a collar actively I am apparently looking only to get some nice hot sex? Seriously... does NO ONE read profiles any more or was the fact of my backbone just too much to handle? Or maybe it was my not giving instantaneous respect to someone who did not earn it? Le gasp! A Dom earn respect? What heresy is that? (The last three sentences are sarcasm, as it may or may not be obvious to those reading this, if anyone does.)
I could wonder over and over these trivial details... but honestly... who cares? (Ok I did have to vent just a little after this latest incident... There's only so much I can take of my character being impuned and my morals being insulted before I need to crush something - in video game of course.)
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Met a lovely girl in chat. We talked and found we have many similar tastes. So now... I market myself as one half of a "matched" set. I'm not sure if I am joking yet or not. I wouldn't mind being her sister.
I absolutely love her wit, she's a brilliant woman, with a delightfully sharp tongue.
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I have come to find that one of my most fatal flaws is that I am passionate. Overly sensitive towards unpleasantness, deeply loyal, extremely aggressive in the defense of my loved ones... Hmmm I wonder how many people I will make disinclined to talk to me by this admission?
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So today I got myself a new microphone. Really happy with my purchase. So, if any of you want me to assault your ears with my voice, let me know! lol :P Of course it depends on what messenger you use... If you have something I don't have... well... *shrugs* sorry. n.n
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Yeah... I keep getting asked by random people if I have a cam or if they can see more pics. *sigh* It's kind of annoying. So here's the deal.
NO I do not have a webcam.
NO I will not be getting a cam any time soon.
I only show pictures to people I TRUST.
And why the heck do people randomly PM me or message me asking if I want to be a slave? If I wanted to be a slave my tag would read such. Is that really that difficult of a concept?
Also... refering to me in derogatory terms... not the best way to get me to want to get to know you (which is the ONLY way you could ever get me to want to submit to you).
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Been having one of those kind of days that you just want to say to the world "Bugger off!" and disappear for a week and see who cared, and who didn't even realize you were gone.
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Well, I decided to update my profile a wee bit. I keep realizing I have this bit and that bit missing. Naturally more will be added as I remember. Or not, if I think it will make a better conversation topic...
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